Men and women have their quirks. So how do some of these lovable traits - like the sea of hair ties in the house, or grabbing his favorite hoodie and never returning it - register with guys? Men, because we're fair here Knowable, your turn to get read happens in the discussion following the list.
Saculu asked guys of Reddit: What are some weird things that almost every girl does but they don't realize?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
15. Hot sleepers.
Most of the girls I've been with complain about feeling cold all the time but when they are asleep it's like they go into oven self clean mode and I need to scooch away.
Not especially cold during the day, but I regularly wake up absolutely drenched in sweat, with clothes that are visibly wet. Not fun.
14. Clothing thieves.
Stealing my clothes. Every GF/FB ive ever had made off with at least 1 piece of my clothing.
Girls always know how to spot your fav shorts/hoodie/and t-shirt too. I wish they stole the stuff I don't wear...
13. Living in a sea of hair ties.
Touching one thing and suddenly 4 things disappear or leaving hair ties everywhere.
Hair ties have a life expectancy of one day, maybe two max.
12. There's a method to the madness.
When it's picture time they all strike a very specific pose. Usually it's subtle like a hand on the hip or a slight tilt of their head or something but it's automatic and kinda funny to see happen in real time.
The "one leg bent and the other leg straight" pose.
This is definitely hysterical but it isn't without purpose. I started paying attention to some of the things girls do when they take pictures and since I figured some of it out I both take better and appear better in pictures. For anyone interested I'll write what I know.
Some of the things I noticed for being photographed: Forcing out a laugh, even a fake one, makes your smile appear more genuine. The knee pops/squats/hands on hips indicate action of some sort, which makes the photo look a tiny bit less staged, so look like you could plausibly be doing or about to do something instead of waiting for a mugshot. Last, half of whether your smile looks genuine is because of what your eyes are doing, not your mouth, so smile with you eyes.
For taking photos: First, if you are somewhere dark, and using flash, grab someone who is not in the photo and have them shine a phone light down from above on your subjects. It softens the shadows from the flash. Second, if the main light is from behind your subjects, like the sun is behind them, get one of them to hold a phone light at their waist, a little in front. shining up on them. Suddenly you can see their faces AND the scenery.
Side note- Groups of girls (if you know them) love it when you pitch in to make their photo better, it's a really funny reaction. Like 8 girls just going "YAS F*CK YEAH I LOVE YOU" while also trying to cheese for the pic.
11. Back to the being cold thing...
Shower at near-boiling level temperatures.
My bf whenever I'm cold : "happens when women are too far from home"
Insinuating hell. He thinks he is hilarious. Every time.
10. Gotta get in there.
THE JEAN WIGGLE!
Jeans fit the waist but gotta do the wiggle to get them over the hips and booty
I do it to get it over my stomach fat.
I'm not "fat" (like at all) but god damn sometimes newly washed jeans need to stretch a bit before I feel like I'm in muffin top territory.
9. Who doesn't love a bargain?
Complimenting an item of clothing and then being immediately told how cheap it was and where it came from.
We're helping!
When someone says, "I like your dress," I want them to have a chance to get one too. So I say, "Thanks! It was only $20 at Target. And it has pockets!!" [pocket dance]
Or, if it came from a thrift shop, I tell them that. "Thanks! It was only $5 at a thrift shop. You know, the [shop] at [intersection] had a ton of cute dresses last time I went." I know they won't be able to get the same dress, but hopefully they can find something else good.
8. It was already like that.
Moving your things, forgetting they moved your things, then telling you they didn't move your things.
I bought us a second set of tweezers since she kept taking them to her car and leaving them in said car.
There are now currently two pairs of tweezers in her car. Cool.
Please find out how many tweezers your wife can squirrel away in her car, for the science.
7. Refused calories don't count.
Say no, they don't want any food/drink item that you offfered them, then proceed to eat half of yours.
Joey doesn't share food.
I have a good one:
Took a girl to the movies. At the concession stand I ask what she wants. She doesn't want anything. Are you sure? You can get anything you want. No, I don't want anything. Not even a drink, or something? No, I'm fine. So I grab a cherry coke and some buttered popcorn. In the car afterwards she's pissed at me because I drank my drink and ate my popcorn while she sat there and had nothing! And I was a jerk for getting buttered popcorn which she doesn't like.
6. Sorry ladies, it was you.
Try to pretend they didn't just fart.
farts
You: Whats was that?
5. You know you're gonna eat it anyway.
Ranting about a particular food being too salty or sweet or oily, but proceeds to eat it.
Ugh this thing is SO unhealthy. why do these even make this? it should be banned.
Proceeds to eat the entire plate.
My aunt to a tee.
She visited us from overseas a couple of weeks ago and we took her to several restaurants for dinner. Every single meal we had with her, the conversation would go like this -
Mum - The food here is great! I'm really in the mood for (insert dish here)
Aunt - disapproving sniff The menu looks nice, but you can never tell how much butter/oil/salt they're putting into your meal at restaurants. I'll just have a salad.
- Proceeds to eat half of the food off everyone else's plate *
After dinner -
Aunt - That was SO unhealthy. I'll have to fast for three days now, otherwise I'll get so fat!
4. Don't we all?
Making weird serial killer smiley faces when they are texting the person they love.
3. You're sexy, own it.
Buys NEW sexy swimsuit for summer (or motivation to get in shape for summer). Never actually wears the new swimsuit even though it looks totally fine.
2. Cuz it's cute, duh.
Its not weird, but when you mention that a girls clothing has pockets, she often puts her hands in them and does a little dance to show them off. Its cute.
My son's GF wore a prom dress...WITH POCKETS. She pranced around on glittery stiletto heels with hands in pockets, just to prove she could.
1. You know you care, admit it.
Tells their partner they can pick a place to eat then says no to every place they pick.
My wife and I do the 3-2-1 method. One of us picks 3 things, then the other narrows it down to 2, and then then the other makes the final choice. We use it pretty much every day for almost anything you can think of.
I just explained the 3-2-1 method to my wife, and I asked her if she wanted to watch John Wick, 300, or Inglorious Bastards. Her response was "F*ck that bullsh*t."
- People Explain Which Crazy Things Their Partner Did They Didn't Realize Were Weird Until Afterwards - George Takei ›
- People Explain The 'Attractive' Traits That Really Turn Them Off - George Takei ›
- People Break Down The Things That Men Refuse To Tell Women - George Takei ›
- People Break Down The Things That Women Keep From Men - George Takei ›
- Seemingly Normal Things People Did As A Kid That They Now Realize Were Really Weird - George Takei ›
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
Giphy
Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
Giphy
A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
Giphy
A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
Giphy
Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.