Relationships are about understanding the ebbs and flows of others. Every person is unique, with their own preferences, their own quirks, and it's critical to comprehend how to properly adapt to them. The hope is they, too, will adjust and learn to work and live with you as well. However, sometimes there's a moment that goes one step too far. A dealbreaker to kill the relationship dead.
Reddit user, u/jbyrd13, wanted to know what would put the kibosh on a relationship for you when they asked:
What's a relationship dealbreaker to you that may seem insignificant to other people?
"Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way"
Needing to hear "Hotel California" every time we make love.
No One Wants To Date A Cow
Chewing with their mouths open/ making noise when they chew.
This makes my blood boil uncontrollably even for people I'm not in a relationship with.
Get On That PDA
If you're not touching me, putting your hand on my leg, wrapping your arms around me, kissing me for no reason, holding my hand, or grabbing my arm, then I think you don't care for me...
What's A Few Tunes?
Hating my singing.
My ex groaned every time I'd sing quietly to myself or along with the radio, and it took a lot of joy out of my life. Having someone who doesn't mind and ever likes it when I sing let's me actually be myself.
"No Little Johnny. Smoking Isn't Cool."
I don't want you to be a smoker.
My grandfather has emphysema from a lifetime of smoking. I don't want to go through that life with anyone.
I still blame cigarettes for my mom's cancer, especially when I remember her sneaking off to the restroom, barely able to walk and while wearing a freaking oxygen mask, to get a smoke in on her last day of life.
Sorry for going dark there, Reddit, but seriously, don't smoke tobacco.
Our Relationship Is OUR Relationship
I think another user might have posted this already, but having your friend's or family involved with every aspect of your relationship, to the point of them controlling it.
I had an ex who told me as soon as we started dating that his friend's and family's opinion and company came first over me, like as in, I was not priority. I agreed to it, (I was young and stupid) because of the family part (because family is important). But then, as the relationship progressed, he allowed his friends to control when we saw each other, as well as his mother, and it became too much. It was a huge red flag.
When I finally got fed up and confronted him, he seemed to understand, because we had the discussion privately. Next day, he broke up with me, because, you guessed it, he talked to his friends and his mom, and they said to. Two years down the drown. I could understand it if we were like really young, but we were out of high school... it shouldn't have ended that way.
Kids Aren't Alright
Wanting to have children.
I absolutely do not want children.
I had this problem. Came to a head at almost the 10 year mark. She changed her mind. I didn't. It sucked but there was no choice but to part ways.
I Am A Person
Invalidating my emotions, i.e., I'll be mad at you because you're mad at me, without trying to understand why you're mad at me. See also: never apologizing for anything
"I'm sorry that you're upset." Yeah no, that's not an apology.
"How Can I Miss You...?"
Wanting to be around all the time. I would go insane if I never got any time to myself.
Me and my lady recently moved from a house to an RV. The toughest adjustment is no alone time cause there is nowhere to go away to. I love her but as the saying goes "How can I miss you if you won't go away?"
Love Me For Who I Am
One time a close female friend of mine told the group about how she's made her boyfriend get rid of all his old clothes so that she could make him buy fancy new ones. One of my other friends made a comment to the effect of "Good for you! What's the use in dating a man with a nice butt if he's not wearing pants that show it off properly?" Everyone laughed and agreed. Over the years I heard similar stories from other female friends of mine who did that to their boyfriends, and other male friends of mine who's girlfriends did it to them.
Thinking back on it later I would actually break up with someone who forced that on me. I wear clean clothes, I brush my teeth twice a day, I shower daily; I'm not a slob by any means. If that's not enough for you, if you're going to try to forcibly control my body and my wardrobe because they don't live up to your fashion standards, then I would consider that grounds for a break up. I had that fight with my mother my whole childhood, I'm not spending my adulthood rehashing it with my partner.
Best Not Be Horrible
I didn't realize how important not being horrible at kissing was to me until I dated a lady that was horrible at it.
What's worse is that it's not even hard. Even if you're not *good* at it, it's extremely difficult to be *bad* at it and yet some people manage to go above and beyond.
Unplug For A Bit
Someone who is heavily into social media. I don't mind the special posts here and there, but if you're taking selfies or asking people to take a pic of you everywhere you go and posting it every day, that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't make promises or commitments you have no intention on keeping.
My last boyfriend invited me and my family over for steak dinner and he microwaved all the steaks in the microwave.
Communication Is Tricky
I genuinely hate text-based conversations, but if you can't even make the effort to add something to that conversation (or suggest an alternative), then I don't want to meet up with you. I *hate* them, but I'm trying anyways. You should, too.
TLDR: Online dating is a nightmare
I kind of have the opposite problem. I really really HATE talking on the phone. It makes me very uncomfortable and anxious but it takes a lot of effort to make people understand and respect that, especially people who are around 35 and up.
Let Me Be Me
having to constantly message or stay in contact. I really don't like having to stop what I'm doing to text someone back straight away, I get called out by family and friends for not responding enough but I'm really just not interested, I don't want to put so much focus on my phone or instant messaging and some people don't seem to understand this. When someone constantly wants your attention giving it to them becomes a chore and very one-sided. These days, once I see these patterns, I either confront them or cut it off with that as the reason.
Lying about little things - I've got multiple friends who date liars, and it blows my mind that they don't care, or don't notice.
Be Your Own Person
They must be capable of individual thought, if they follow trends and blindly adopt their parents politics and religious beliefs without question, I have no interest.
I Am Where I Am
Location updates... I don't know why, I've never even been tempted to cheat or anything like that. Had a girlfriend who wanted them regularly, wouldn't drop it, so I dropped her.