Life can be a very dark place.
And the loneliness is often overwhelming.
It can be very difficult to reach out for help.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
If we pay attention to our own red flags we can make great progress sooner.
Redditor Specktakles88 wanted to share how we need to be aware of depression. They asked:
"What are some overlooked signs of depression?"
I suffer from depression on the daily. You're not alone.
The Pivot
"Being addicted to a distraction, because not being distracted is painful. Just leaving the room to go get water or do a chore is pain, because it takes you away from your distraction."
aintnufincleverhere
"That's me. It literally hurt to face my thoughts head on, so I always kept myself distracted in one way or another. I had to learn how to go to sleep while listening to stuff so that I didn't even have the time to think about things I didn't want to."
"Unfortunately that led to me awakening from my sleep in the middle of the night because I started facing these thoughts while dreaming and having a panic attack."
TheHooligan95
Gaps
"Forgetting a lot. Your mind just becomes pre-occupied with depressing thoughts, or might even be empty. You don't have space to remember the things people tell you anymore."
kyrahasreddit
"This, I'm missing big chunks of memories from my long depressive episodes. Some gaps are huge, I dated someone for 6 months in the midst of one and can't even remember his name. I was on the wrong medication too, it all felt like a dream. Very important to find the right medication and write important stuff down."
Lord_Metalark
Slow Rush
"Tiredness (often perceived as laziness) Struggling to make decisions Rushing into relationships Impulsive behaviour, spending eating etc."
Scale_Asleep
"That rushing into relationships one really hit home. To me, a relationship could be an escape from the pit I feel myself in every day. But I rush into them so quickly that I loose my footing and fall right back in."
THX450
Nothing
"Apathy. Numbness. Straight up not caring about sh*t. I've been told I come off as a very cold person when really I just feel numb and indifferent to everything/everyone sometimes. Or not caring about things that should be affecting me in some way."
Frozen_Regret
"The numbness. I never hear people talk about this. When I was at a very low with depression, I was totally numb. People say being depressed can make you cry a lot, but I couldn’t cry at all. I desperately wanted to feel something, anything."
Latter-Skill4798
MAD WORLD
"Anger and/or irritability."
Mmedical
"This was my #1 symptom. The littlest thing (usually work related) would make me SO angry/irritated. Too bad it was 2yrs later before I learned that it could be a sign. Once I found out though - straight to the DR where I was set up with meds and a therapist."
Pixie_bird
"This is huge, and a lot of the time people will simply write you off as, 'just another a** hole.' I'm not a *ick, it's a disability."
rickthecabbie
So many simple signs.
Engagment
"Not engaging in conversations. That's about it."
Originalborndead007
"This one hits. I’m constantly just not wanting to be involved in conversations even with my wife. She is my favorite in the world and I know it bothers her when I’m barely engaged."
throughNthrough
"I stopped engaging in conversation because all of a sudden everyone started ignoring me and constantly interrupting me. I can’t talk when no one listens."
Accomplished-Low-526
One Room
"Living in your bedroom."
oops_just_saying
"This is the one. Cannot believe this isn’t higher. To follow this with a sub-point: Living in your room and being really messy. Living in filth, dirt, old dishes, discarded food wrappers and dirty clothing is terrible for your state of mind."
User Deleted
Forced
"Overcompensation when it comes to jokes. Funny people who are depressed lose their sense of humor but try to force humor because it’s a part of their healthy personality. It often comes off as abrasive and forced which results in further isolation."
Chemical_Big_5118
"OMG, I swear I used to be lightning quick with my quips and I was a naturally a joker. Now I feel like my jokes never come to me and I no longer talk to anyone because I feel dried up and useless. When I finally do talk, I still try to crack a joke but its very flat and I give up."
OkiNoProblem
No Cares
"Disinterest in almost everything. Making excuses for not doing things you normally like to do. Even if money is no issue ie going out to eat or going to see a movie, having absolutely no interest in doing anything or going anywhere."
PatrickRsGhost
Flags and Signs
"I’m seeing a lot of signs that I wanted to say but one I haven’t seen yet is being very indecisive about things. One may become very indecisive about the simples of things like what they want to do or even eat. This happens for various of reasons but from personal experience, it’s because one simply lacks enough care or have desire for anything at their lows."
Late_Toast
Gutted
"Gastrointestinal issues."
Decitex
"YES! I've had gut issues for like 20 years, many doctors visits found nothing. Once I found a SSRI that worked for me it also completely eliminated all of my gut issues instantly, was not expecting that!"
xLuky
If any of this resonates with you please reach out for help.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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Sex is an important part of life.
That is just a fact.
But sex is also about connection and intimacy.
So it's not a surprise when many relationships take a hit after the sex dries up.
It's not something to ignore.
It's the biggest problem in the world, but partners should discuss it.
Redditor ItsyBitsyJoxy wanted to hear about reasons to stick around with a partner when there is no sexy time. They asked:
"Would you be in a sexless relationship? What circumstance would you find acceptable for this?"
Sex is fun. And when the sex stopped in my relationships... so did the fun. But that is just me.
A Certain Era
"I'm over 80."
Head-like-a-carp
"There’s a lot of people that are going to be real shocked once they hit their 70s."
KarateKid72
Ruin
"Our second child has ruined her sex drive. Intimacy is still there but extremely infrequently. I've learned how much that intimacy brings to the relationship, it feels very lonely and although I know it's not her fault, it can still make you feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty lonely too if you go from a romantic relationship to borderline platonic one. You can't help wonder how much is body changes and how much is you."
W0otang
Let's Hug
"I had rectal cancer and because of the surgery I can no longer get an erection, it's very lonely."
rickroll62
"Not sure if one exists, but a site to just make friends to be cuddle buddies, or whatever, should exist for people like you & me. I lost my sex drive & would like a relationship for that occasionally."
"In my case, it's not wanting to see someone very often, as well as the lack of sex drive, that I think would make it difficult. I also don't like people over to my home as it's too small for a couch & we'd be hanging out on my bed, which is weird to me."
lefthandbunny
Problems
"I'm in one now. My husband had a stroke... no sex is not the big problem for either one of us."
Altaira99
"This comment brings a lot of perspective. My gut reaction to this question was no. Sex was and still is pretty significant in my relationship with my wife. We’re in our 30’s and have been together over a decade. But if something happened to her and it was no longer an option? I would never leave her and love her too damned much to imagine it, no matter how much we love sex."
Spectre627
Pain
"I have a near sexless marriage. The love is strong, but the desire is one-sided. That hurts."
ztirffritz
Sexless over loveless is definitely easier. So there is that.
Over time...
"I am happily married to my good lady for decades and decades. There are times when it has been sexless for whatever reason but never has it been loveless.I wouldn’t have lasted 2 days in a loveless relationship."
Regthedog2021
You play the cards you are dealt
"I’m dating a man who got diagnosed with prostate cancer a year or so into our relationship. Prostate had to come out and it’s a hit or miss whether or not sexual function comes back. In his case, it was a miss. He wanted me to move on because he got very depressed over it."
"He’s so pleasant and a real decent human being so I stayed with him. Who would abandon someone due to a health crisis? Unfortunately he got bladder cancer next so this is another hurdle to go over. You play the cards you are dealt. We are together in this."
KitchenWitch021
Key Factors
"The reasons for the 'sexlessness' and the depth of the relationship are key factors. My wife got breast cancer at 40 and while she lived another 8 years, the chemotherapy nullified her libido and made intercourse impossible. And yet I dearly wish we could have grown old together whether or not this would have changed. But that’s completely different from cohabiting a loveless marriage or even facing such a situation in one’s youth only a few years after marriage. That would be hard."
eric_nathanson
Options
"A sexless relationship is better than a loveless relationship, as long as I'm loved and we share physical affection like cuddling and kisses and I'm allowed to beat my meat when I need too I wouldn't care. Just a heads up to all the people who take this personally enough to comment how wrong I am."
"There's no such thing as a wrong option, my opinion is in regards to myself and myself alone I'm not answering for anyone else. Different opinions aren't wrong... OP asked a question to be answered from your own point of view..so there's no reason to call anyone else wrong... it's about you, answer for YOU I've answered for me."
TheSims4Dude
Love is there...
"I'm in one. Not happy about it, but love is still there so that's nice."
Strythe_Horde
"Same. Maybe had it once in the last 12 years. Finally decided to go to couples/sex therapy this year. Not sure it is helping, but at least I finally brought up that I wanted to try something. My wife is my best friend and I love here with every fiber, just wish there was more intimacy there."
iathpa
it never happens...
"We haven't had sex in five months due to numerous reasons. Never have alone time with my mom and daughter here. We're both too tired. Our bed we have sex on is where my mom is sleeping. Our waterbed is difficult to use. We always say next weekend and it never happens. We're still going strong though. We love each other and that's what matters."
prettysouthernchick
Married for 28 years...
"I was in one. Married for 28 years. Her mental health changed and became a bitter person. There was no intimacy for the last 15 or so years but I stayed with her because I thought it was the right thing to do. Then one day in 2019 I got a knock on my back door. It was a sheriff's deputy serving me a restraining order and eviction papers."
"Get some things together and get out he said. I never laid a finger on her or threatened her ever but she fabricated lies. I told him to talk to her and see who you're dealing with. After about 5 minutes he pulled me aside and told me to file a restraining order on her,I'll call the judge and tell him your on your way. Both orders got thrown out and I was back in the house in 2 days."
"They told her to get counseling. Fast forward 2020 she left but would come around when I was at work , destroy my personal effects and damage the house. Re-filed the restraining order and am now in divorce proceedings. Last I heard she was in a homeless shelter. I'm 58 she's 63. And I don't give a heck."
Blackdogrising1
Easy...
"Definitely easy for me at least. I always had a weird relationship with sex. I'm still questioning myself if it is because of some unknown problems, if my sex drive isn't that high or if I'm ace in some way."
TheWanderingLich
“I’m starved”
"She likes sex. I like sex. Both relatively sex positive. When we have sex we both have a blast and get off. But toddler. We’re both all touched out and tired and sometimes frustrated with toddler happenings. So there will be large swaths of time where there has been no sex. And that’s fine."
"There was a time when I was younger where I would’ve said 'I’m starved' but really all I needed was a perspective change. If I were able to talk to my younger self I’d tell him 'it’s fine, you really need to quit devoting so much time and negative mental energy to these thoughts.'"
Rotanikleb
Be Cool
"I'm asexual, but didn't realize until after I had been in a committed relationship for a few years. Love my partner but couldn't care less about sex. I only do it because they enjoy it and I want them to be happy. But if I could go the rest of my life and not? Yeah, I'd be cool with it."
uncrackable_eggs
Sexless
"I wouldn't enter a sexless relationship, but I'll stay in one, depending on if she still loves me.My marriage is pretty sexless. It isn't because she doesn't love me, so even though I'm sexually unfulfilled on an always basis (I have a high sex drive, which is challenging when feeling unfulfilled), we still love each other and are life partners. Maybe, eventually, things will change with her sex drive. I'm not counting on it, because I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen."
IntegratedSSR
Needs
"Yes, as long as there is still physical intimacy (cuddles, touches, kissing, etc...) and as long as my partner is ok with me having some alone time to take care of my sexual needs, then I don't mind. Love and affection are more important than the sex itself."
Emmazingx
Forever
"If something happened to my wife where she couldn’t have sex any more, I would definitely stay with her. We’ve been married over 47 years, she is my life."
bigedthebad
Eggshells
"Currently in a sexless relationship, that at times is borderline abusive... ever since we got a house together and joint mortgage, any intimacy has gone and her mood swings have gotten worse, everything is my fault. Constantly walking on eggshells... it freaking sucks."
RedditJock93
Well I guess some people can make it work. More power to you.