Being part of a healthy, fun, committed couple is honestly one of the coolest things in the world. You and your partner get a bunch of inside jokes, you've got a built-in sidekick for shenanigans, and even the really boring or terrible things are a little bit better because you're not alone. Your partner will probably be the person who makes you laugh the most, knows your secrets, and is right there by your side for all of those nights that turn into stories.
One Reddit user asked:
What's the weirdest thing you've done with your partner?
Honestly... this is all love. Some of it is really gross or probably illegal (both?) but it's all love. Here are some of the more epic responses.
Just Get It Out Of Your System
One time we went on vacation in a coastal town and got absolutely sh!tfaced together. Our hotel was in a walking distance so we went back after our shenanigans. We both hopped in the shower together and I sat on the floor because I wasn't feeling well.
I jokingly said that she should help me throw up so I could get it over with, and without missing a beat she shoved her finger down my throat and I threw up all over both of us.
Best place to be at that moment was the shower so it all worked out.
We are getting married. I can't wait!
We've been married for 4 years, every night after we are done cuddling and turn opposite ways to sleep we press our butts together and make kissing noises. Like our butts are kissing each other goodnight.
Her Cup Runneth Over
My husband and I have a ritual where every night after he gets out of the shower he approaches me naked and allows me to cup his balls for 10-30 seconds. It's completely non-sexual and I cant even remember when we started it.. but it's a nightly occurrence now and I get upset if he doesn't let me :)
Ok, I Help
My boyfriend let me aim for him while peeing once. I asked if I could help as a joke while I was in the bathroom for something else and he's like 'uhhh..?' it wasn't a no and I'm the type to play chicken in the 'how weird will you let me get' sense. So I took hold while quietly repeating 'I help? Ok, I help' periodically.
It's a lot harder to aim than it looks.
We got super high one night and downloaded the PDF of the Cheesecake Factory menu and then continued to laugh for hours at how many pages and options there were.
I had to the urge to lightly bite her knee. Found out it's a very weirdly placed erogenous zone for her and she feels weird now. I do it from time to time and it's only gotten more sensitive, so now it tickles her, but only if I lightly bite it.
An Unfair Advantage
My ex and I had a weird little competition that endured 6 long years.
Whenever we showered together, we'd try to sneakily start peeing on the other one without them noticing. Bonus points for finishing completely, or getting them while they're facing you.
I could only really get him while he was shampooing - but his parts gave him an unfair advantage.. so he def won.
We compete for First Boop of the Day (but neither bed boops nor car boops count because bed boops are too easy and car boops are dangerous), and we compete annually for First Boop of the Year (FBotY) (Edit: a boop is when you poke a nose softly with your index finger)
FBotY is very important & prestigious -- if you lose First Boop, you have to wait til next year for a chance -- no best 2 out of 3 or any of that nonsense. I have won FBotY 4 out of 6 years that we have been playing. The first year we did FBotY, we practically fought for the boop and almost tripped over ourselves/poked our eyes out in the process, plus it made the new year's kiss very tense because we each wanted to win first boop immediately after the kiss. So now we have enacted a rule that FBotY can't actually be on Jan 1st or any day in the beginning of January that we are officially celebrating New Year's because it makes New Year's ultra competitive immediately.
We dressed up in shitty 70's sweaters and took photos in front of the Christmas tree holding our cats like babies and looking slightly to the left. It was...hideous. So we sent them as our Christmas cards. Now we have a tradition of doing really sh!tty photos.
That Bright Green Smell
My wife and I went shopping for a new perfume. My wife can't smell. Or at least every smell and taste is muffled. I try to communicate smells to her in a way that she can understand - like colors. We forget how weird that must sound to other people. So I was tasked with deciding which perfume she should buy.
At the store the perfume lady took a tester, sprayed perfume on it, handed it to my wife who directly handed it over to me. I sniffed on it and declared: "No, that's not you. That's too pink." The perfume store lady seemed a little bewildered, but went on to the next bottle.
The next one was too fruity - or "orange or red" - and we finally settled for a "bright green and blue" smell (fresh, herbal fragrance).
Meanwhile the perfume store lady was totally confused and asked in all politeness if we were screwing with her. So we told her how I always describe smells with colors to my wife so she can have a sense of it.
Whenever we'd go to Target we'd play "stalker." We'd split up, and i'd go about my shopping, and my boyfriend would follow me around at a distance and kind of peek at me from the end of the aisle. If i caught him looking at me, he'd awkwardly pretend he was looking at whatever he was standing next to. This would go on for a while until i needed to talk to him about something, (or vice versa) and one of us would text the other and he'd come walking over like nothing happened. It would always crack us up and it was only at Target.
A Crab's Uncle
My partner gets really tired and will say the most random ass things when she's a certain level of sleepy. For example:
Her: I have a... starts making crab claw motions with her hands
Me: You have a what now?
Her: You know, a...continues to crab
Me: I don't understand.
Her: You know! It's...it's a crab's uncle.
Me: ...a lobster?
(She does not have a lobster.)
The Wal-Mart Rescue
I was 8 months pregnant and my husband and I were in Wal-mart, I accidentally sneezed and peed all over myself (almost thought my water broke) I started to cry out of fear that someone would see and all of a sudden my husband grabs a bowl off of the shelf sticks it on the floor between my legs and starts making ambulance noises circles me rips his sweatshirt off which he wasnt wearing a shirt under wraps it around my waist, picks me up, and runs out of the store shirtless, yelling her water broke her water broke clean up on isle 6 we get to our vehicle almost dieing from laughter and I look at him and say my water didnt break and he says i know sweetheart and reaches in the back and grabs a pair of pants from a bag... I guess he packed me what he called an emergen(wee) (pee)ants bag. He's my hero.
...And It Worked
My boyfriend's ears were blocked and he kept trying to pop them himself (by blocking his nose and breathing out) but it wasn't working. So I, being a concerned girlfriend, suggested maybe they had to be popped by air going IN through his nose. Long story short, he closed his mouth and I clamped my mouth around his nose and blew in AND IT WORKED.
This is very weird and I've never told anyone. Sometimes when we're bored in bed I'll hold his dick and play with it so it looks like his penis is singing via the urethra. Just lightly opening and closing. I'll do weird broadway vibrato songs and whatnot. I think he just tolerates it lol
Does buying 34 porcelain nun figurines at the dollar tree and sneaking into a convent to hide them in strange places count?
My girlfriend and I went to high school together and many years ago when we had a physics class together, she somehow left the lab with a 1 kg weight hooked on her backpack and made it all the way home with it. We both laughed about it and I broke the news to her that she is a theif now. She proceeded to secretly hide the weight in my bag to pawn her crime off on me. You can guess what I did next when I found it.
7 years later we are still hiding this 1 kg weight in the most unsuspected places we can think of to prank the other.
A few spots that come to mind: Jacket pockets, sock drawer, winter clothes in storage, purse, dress shoe, bag of rice, pillow case.
She doesn't know but right now I've got it hidden in an antique camera bag under some film capsules. Could be year(s) before she finds it.
Interpretive Poop Dances
Each of our dogs has a distinct way of pooping. Our sheepdog mix will hunch over and walk as she poops, scattering it. While our pom-pug will ninja it and then kick dirt you into the other dogs face. So my husband and I created interpretive dances of their poops and performed it for our friends... several times.
Life In Harmony
We're both musicians, so we like to practice our harmonies by singing directly into each other's mouths while lying in bed. I especially like to sing a really close harmonies so the vibrations are really strong.
Scientifically Accurate Dinosaur Noises
Cuddling while making dinosaur noises. My now-fiance got back from one of her lectures, during which she learned what dinosaurs may have actually sounded like based on their anatomy. I asked her what they believed dinosaurs really sounded like and she slowly looked up from her laptop and proceeded to scream (almost similarly to Dory in Finding Nemo during the whale calling scene) and I quote: "HHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH".
We went on making these odd dinosaur noises for about a couple of months, sometimes either one of us would go in for a kiss only to be greeted by a very loud dino HHHHHHHUHUUHUHHUHUUUHUUUUHUHUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
We're all adults who are totally mature and don't, at all, giggle a little bit on the inside when someone talks about what conditions are like on Uranus.
Yeah just kidding, that's hilarious.
Uranus is our favorite heavenly body.
Reddit user rsideoson asked:
"What is a word that sounds inappropriate?"
Don't worry, Reddit is absolutely no more mature than we are and we all deserve a childish giggle every now and then.
"Uvula (dangly bit in your throat)"
"Ooohhh, so it's a girl house"
" 'All god's children got a uvula!'."
"In Swedish it is called gomspene whick translates to pallet teet."
"That little dangly thing that’s hanging in the back of their throat?"
- Admirable-Door1724Snl Season 47 GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy
A What Hole ?
"Our city has had several instances of exploding manholes in the downtown area. My friends never let an opportunity to make such comments pass them by. (And I love them for it!)"
"Played some drawing game once where you'd draw the word u get by the game and others would try guess it...my friend got that word and drew a .. manhole..like.. a literal manhole not the actual one, and that was when i learned that word lol"
Chew Works Too
"Especially at the dinner table.."
"Those mukbangers masticate all over the place"
"This is the winner."
"Do you oppose public mastication?"
- Cy41995Hot Dog Eating GIF by NBAGiphy
Lets Just Not Use It Anymore
"This is not a fun or funny example, but, 'niggardly'."
"Etymologically, it has absolutely nothing to do with that other word. They have totally different origins, and sound/look similar purely as a matter of coincidence."
"But it's just not worth the explanation when "stingy" or 'miserly" work just as well, so it's basically a dead word."
"Even the Reverend Jesse Jackson defended the use of this word."
"Also, TIL he's still alive."
"I remember being a preteen and stepdad using this word. I was horrified. He was mildly racist so I wasn’t too surprised but we were in public. 'Dad!!!! There’s a black woman right there!!!'."
"He explained what it meant but I sure never ever used that word."
"Yeah this word is gone forever. There is no way of tossing that out in casual conversation ever again, and even if you did you'd have to spend a good few minutes defending what you meant and looking it up to prove it."
Playing Around With Speed
"It's a running term and as a grown man I still giggle when I hear it."
"Wait is that how it’s spelled? I always thought it was Fartlick lol"
"You guys use that? It's Norwegian, meaning speed game."
"Fartlek’s were misery in high school XC. Always just called it a fart lick"
- silverhammer96Safari Park Running GIF by San Diego ZooGiphy
Fortunella Sounds Fancier
"Got banned from a forum for calling someone a kumquat. No regrets."
"The restaurant I worked at had a kumquat margarita and for a good 2 weeks the menu accidentally had cumquat, but each time the manager tried to fix it they’d accidentally print the wrong on again and there’d be too many copies to just throw out."
"That's a good one"
The 'L' Is Important
"This may only be true in American English...in other accents it's much less suggestive"
"Don't wanna wait forever for that caulk to harden"
"I used to work for a construction company doing purchasing and apparently in the winter caulk gets cold and refuses to work so you need to put your caulk in a caulk warmer"
"My brother insists on over enunciating the L so it sounds like. Cow-LK"
- jawshoeawhomer simpson GIFGiphy
You Sure About This One?
"Jiggers, also known as the chigoe flea. Similarly, chiggers, also known as berry bugs."
"Jigger is also the little double-ended cup bartenders use for measuring alcohol for cocktails."
"I was looking for these two."
" 'Jigger' is used every day by Australian surveyors. It’s what we call our theodolites or Total Stations. Short for thingamajigger perhaps. If my mate’s jigger wasn’t cooperating, he’d say 'jigger please'.”
"What’s my motherf*cking name?"
So Many Botanical Puns
"One summer day at a barbecue at my mum in laws, she walked outside and announced “wait til you see the size of the flower on my clematis” I snort inhaled my wine"
"I think they can cure that with a penicillin shot/s"
"Another botanical word that makes me giggle:"
"Scabiosa. Or, as the Brits would say, scabious."
This Is Another One We Should Maybe Not Use
"Negus. It means a hot drink of port, sugar, lemon, and spices, and it's a royal title."
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
"Doesn't it also refer to an Ethiopian king?"
"Negan in Roman times."
" 'I am Negus! Thou shalt provide me with copious produce!'."
You heard (and laughed at) Reddits appropriately inappropriate words, now it's your turn to get in on the fun.
As much as people try to put on a good face in public, many of them have idiosyncratic behavior–like involuntary foot-tapping–they are ashamed of having.
Some folks, however, are not as self-aware.
These individuals could care less about other people and they act like the world is their nasty, unkempt, malodorous, living room.
Curious to hear examples of gross behavior, Redditor Dazzling_Age_4795 asked:
"What's the most disgusting bad habit?"
No one wants to see it, yet, here we are.
"Taking a dump and then not flushing in public toilets."
"I work in reception in a dental office, our Covid protocols included having wipe down the bathroom after each person. The amount of pee I’ve had to wipe off the seat and floor is absolutely disgusting. People are pigs- wipe the damn seat if your aim is that awful!!! They knew too, the intense stare down I gave them when exiting the bathroom, oh they knew."
Lazy Pet Owners
"Dog poop ( living in holland ) drives me crazy how much is just lying around. Disguisting habit for dog owners to just not care to clean it up. Which is in fact mandatory but hey... if no one sees it, its not a crime."
"People who don’t pick up their dog’s poop don’t deserve to have a dog. I also hate seeing bags of dog sh*t left on the ground. Like why bag it and just leave it there? It’s actually better for the environment if you don’t put it in the bag, lazy."
The Gross Collection
"Keeping your booger wall in plain sight where guests can see it."
"I once saw a person picking their ear and eating the wax. That sh*ts even worse then picking and eating out of your nose."
Those without any concept of having respect for their environment are very telling of the type of person they are.
Trashing The Place
"Those folk who buy cigarettes and casually walk around unwrapping and dropping plastic as they go... God I hate those guys."
Driving Smokers Suck
"People smoking while driving seem to almost always throw their cigarette butt out the window without a care in the world."
And those who don't have any respect for others in public got majorly slammed.
"Not sure if it's a 'habit', per se, but those people that have their phones on speaker ALL THE WAY UP casually talking on the train, in the grocery store, and in restaurants. I do not want to hear about your mother's bunion."
"Dude for real. I go to the library every once in a while for some quiet time.. the number of people who talk on their phone is ridiculous. Half the time if you go up to them and ask if they could be quieter or take it to the lobby they act like you're the rude one."
Clogging The Shower
"Taking a sh*t in the shower and pushing it into the drain... I knew people who did that, safe to say I don't anymore."
A Crappy Confession
"I’ve got to be honest, I farted once and a nugget, maybe the size of a pickled onion, fell out whilst I was taking a shower. As the particular bathroom I was in had the toilet in a separate room I decided the safest option for me was to squish the turd into the drain with my foot."
"I’m not proud but sometimes it has to be done."
"For clarity, I do not condone purposely dropping a full sh*t in the shower."
– User Deleted
Germy COVID Hands
"Not washing hands after using the bathroom, especially in public. Like at a restaurant."
Look, I know we all have our quirks, but I'm just not a nail-chewing and booger-flicking stan.
It's not like people with these habits are deliberately trying to inconvenience my life. But...they are.
I don't need to be stepping on nail remnants and dried-up balls of nose mucus with my barefeet.
So, what gross habits and/or behavior really gets your blood boiling?
People have different levels of tolerance when it comes to profanity.
And some people can't stand the sound of rude or vulgar language so much that they can't bring themselves to say these naughty words themselves.
But when anyone reaches a high level of anger or frustration, they still might need a verbal outlet.
And instead find themselves coming up with an alternative word, which helps them release their anger, but won't offend any nearby ears.
Redditor No-Citron5628 was curious to hear people's favorite alternatives to curse words, leading them to ask:
"What is your best swear word alternative?"
"Oh neptune."- StrappinYoungZiltoid
The last thing you want to find in your bed!
Instead of rude, be educational!
"I said this instead of… other words once when I tripped and accidentally taught this to my nephew."
"Now my sister sends me videos of my nephew saying it when things don’t go his way."- YellowForest4Warning GIFGiphy
Think of the children!
"Not sure of an actual word, but my bf and I have been trying to limit cursing since my toddler is becoming very verbal."
"He’s resorted to making very angry yelling caveman sounds when he wants to curse someone out rather than using the actual words."- Present-Lime-1244
"I like, 'slug in a ditch'."- spiked_macaroonslug GIFGiphy
We can always learn a thing or two from the kids...
"A child in my class tries to swear but unintentionally says foot instead of f*ck."
"It's probably my favorite alternative."
"Wow, didn't expect this to get so much attention."
"Thank you for the award! "
"For those asking, he is a very tiny child with a deep yorkshire accent who actually picked up the word from another child but hasn't noticed he doesn't have the pronunciation quite right yet."
"Context wise though he's bang on which makes it even funnier."- sophishx
Just one word won't do!
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET, LARRY?!"
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?!"- KevinBillyStinkwater
Be mindful, it could backfire
"When my son was little he started saying bastard so I kept saying custard."
"Until the day he complained that we were having bananas and bastard again."- CheeryShortarseDoctor Who Snack GIF by BBC AmericaGiphy
Mother knows best.
"My mother always said, 'Curses!'"
"We, the kids, laugh about it all the time."- tenzip10-0
If you feel like you've sufficiently got your anger or frustration out of your system, your choice of words served their purpose.
Whether or not they would have to be bleeped out on network TV.
When we think of iconic movie quotes, there are several which come instantly to mind.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
"Love is never having to say you're sorry."
"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
Appropriately, the ones that might haunt us the most, are those delivered by villains, who linger in our memories not only by their creepy attire and presence but by their devious choice of words.
Frightening us long after the credits stop rolling.
Redditor N_the_character was eager to hear what the Reddit community considered the best quotes from both Hollywood's legendary villains, as well as some lesser-known antagonists from film, TV, and video games, leading them to ask:
"What's the most bada** villain quote?"
Benedict from Last Action Hero
"Benedict to youg Danny in 'Last Action Hero':"
"I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you."- S-Marktlast action hero art GIF by xponentialdesignGiphy
"Pirates are evil?"
"The Marines are righteous?"
"These terms have always changed throughout the course of history!"
"Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values!"
"Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right!"
"This very place is neutral ground!"
"Justice will prevail, you say?"
"But of course it will!"
"Whoever wins this war becomes justice!"- TimeisaLie
The Man with the Midas Touch...
"Goldfinger after Bond says 'Do you expect me to talk?'
"'No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die'."- Hunk_StudlyInterrupting GIF by James Bond 007Giphy
The Last Airbender's Azula
"Dai Li: 'You've beaten me at my own game'."
"Azula: 'Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player'."- herculesmeowlligan
Inigo Montoya, watch out!
"'Good Heavens, are you still trying to win?'"
"-the six fingered man."
Video game villains shouldn't be forgotten, ask Ghaul
“'You are not brave, you’ve merely forgotten the fear of death'."
"'Allow me to reacquaint you'.”- KentuckyBourbon94
The Good, the Bad, and the one-liners
"'When you have to shoot, shoot'."
"Tuco, 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'."- jpablo680
Whiterose of Mr. Robot
“'Because Phillip, I had to ask you twice'.”- Lontano64
The final frontier indeed...
"'A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place'."
"'To force them to acknowledge your greatness'."
"Gul Dukat, Deep Space Nine."- hamdingersDeep Space Nine Dislike GIF by Star TrekGiphy
A true villain will have you quaking in your boots with just one look.
But it's with their words that they really get you.
And how they instantly go from being merely villains, to legends.