So today I'm delving into the jungle that is Reddit to learn all about how to sleep better. Come along for the ride, it'll be eye-opening (or closing, if you wanna be literal). U/monkeyswingin asked:
People who fall asleep within few minutes, how do you it?
Here we go, Sleep 101. Take notes, there will be a test at the end of this article that is 90% of your final grade.
That last tip sounds the most effective, tbh.
“Day dream like I would as a kid, get so immersed I fall asleep."
“The trick for me is meditation. Practice it all day every day. Don't think unless you need to, to accomplish something. Once it becomes your innate state of being, falling asleep happens in about 30 seconds. Just listen to your breath without thinking, and if you're in bed and it's dark, you'll fall asleep almost immediately.
Another way is to drink 3-4 9% IPAs starting at 5 pm."
I’m gonna try this tonight.
At Home Reaction GIF by IKEA USAGiphy“I never used to be able to sleep through the night. I was up at 2 or 3 am for 3 hours. I read this can be due to anxiety. So I moved my sleep time from 9:30-10 to 11:30-12. So I am utterly exhausted by that time.
If I'm struggling to fall asleep, I try to re-image a dream I had another night or go through flexing each muscle and then imagining it off once flexed (starts my with each toe).”
Sometimes it comes from adaptation.
“I was homeless for about a year. One thing about being homeless: sleep conditions suck. I became conditioned to sleep through anything.
Now that I have a more stable life, falling asleep is a breeze.
So the trick? Homeless sleep therapy.”
Interesting way of putting it.
“I lay down, I sleep.
Having a fantasy (not sexual...although, of course, that does help you relax/get to sleep) to focus on definitely helps at times - but there can be times I overuse a fantasy so can't really get into it anymore, then I'm stuck without anything to focus on and my mind runs away with itself so I can't sleep."
God, I’m getting tired just reading these. Maybe I’ll have a normal sleep schedule again. Probably not, but a girl can dream.
Melatonin is the best.
Homer Simpson Coffee GIF by swerkGiphy“No caffeine after noon, don't lay in bed unless you're going to sleep, and routine bed/wake up times
I also have medication just in case (melatonin and a real sleep aid).”
“I used to think caffeine didn't really do anything for me (I don't "need" a cuppa in the morning to get me going, nor do I feel any kind of rush after a drink), but I noticed that if I have coffee in the evening, I find it harder to sleep at night. It's really noticeable since I'm one of those who usually falls asleep within minutes of going to bed. So just to be safe I think it's okay to drink it earlier in the day, but not past tea time or something.”
Heads have a hard time shutting up at night.
“It literally takes me on average 30-45min to fall asleep if not longer at times. This is mostly due to my head just never shutting up. I constantly daydream, fantasize, or re-live moments of the day/ week and I can't turn it off. It sucks.
I only recently started taking sleep gummies, but they only help me stay asleep not fall asleep.”
Certain tricks work for certain people.
“Sadly there's no trick to it. I don't do any of the stuff you're supposed to - no cutting back on electronics, or only using your bed to sleep. I drink caffeinated sodas near bedtime, I'm not as active as I should be, I have anxiety, etc.
When I feel sleepiness stirring behind my eyes - I go lay in bed, put down my phone, and I'm gone in fifteen. I have random nights of fitful sleep but generally it comes easy. I also dream every night, sometimes several different ones.
I am very grateful as several close friends struggle with insomnia.”
My weird sleep thing is that I fall asleep in about two seconds if I sleep on the couch, rather than the bed. Weird.
Sleep hygiene is important.
Tired Kim Kardashian GIFGiphy“I've posted something like this before, but sleep hygiene.
I used to be a full on insomniac, laying awake in bed for hours, getting maybe a few hours of fitful sleep a night, always tired. I'm an anxious person and stuff would just run through my head all night and I couldn't stop it.
These days, I fall asleep within minutes and get restful sleep about 80% of the time.
Sleep hygiene changed my life, but fair warning, you're probably not going to like what it entails.
Start using your bed only for sleeping and sex. Don't read your phone, watch TV, play video games, etc. And start a regular bed time. It doesn't matter if for a few weeks you can't fall asleep, just get into bed at 10pm, read a book (paper or sidelit e-ink, no backlights) for 30-45 minutes, then close your eyes and lay there. Focus on your breathing, slow and deep breaths, direct your attention back to the breathing as it invariably wanders.
In general, try to avoid eating or using backlit screens (tv, computer, phone, tablet) for at least an hour before bed. Don't drink caffeinated beverages after 2pm, even if "caffeine doesn't affect you." Try to get a bit of exercise every day, even if it's light exercise like walking or doing a 7 minute HIIT workout.
If you commit to this for a month or two, doing it even when "it's not working" I bet you you'll eventually begin to sleep better.
After you're in a habit, you can break these rules for special occasions once in a while and the impact won't be as big since you're in the habit already. But at least for a month or so, be rigorous and inflexible.
If all this seems too difficult, the half-@ss version is just no backlit screens an hour before bed. Doesn't matter if you have flux or a blue light filter on or whatever. Just don't do it.
Good luck!"
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Meditation always helps.
“Meditation.
It definitely did the trick for me. I used to struggle falling to sleep even someone else's light breathing would set me into a sleepless rage.
Once I got the hang of meditating I applied it to my sleep. I had a few techniques. One of them was each time I had a thought or train of thought, and came to the realisation I was having a thought I would let it go. Essentially stop thinking about it and focus on emptying my mind. Maybe I would focus on breathing or how exciting it will be to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested."
"I felt this basically broke the habit of me overthinking before sleep. Or getting too emotional from lights or sounds around me. It took quite a few weeks to get the hang of it and make it a habit but eventually I got there and started seeing results.
I also think investing in a good pillow and bed or mattress topper. I got my bed 2nd hand for $300 NZD and spent $80 NZD on a latex pillow and it totally changed the game.
Also a good stretching practice or yoga so your aches and pains don't wake you in the night."
CPAPs are a life-saver.
“I managed to train myself with my new CPAP machine. It is so much quieter and comfortable than my previous machine. Mask goes on and I am usually out within 15 minutes. If I reach more than 30 minutes I get up for a little while.”
Be Creative
"I don't know if it will help you but I choose a creative subject like a recent game where I'm trying to build a house or how I want to build my garden, etc. Then I just work through steps on what it would take, where they would go, etc. just avoid doing it with any actual work."
"Part of the reason people can't stop thinking about a work task while falling asleep is because they're anxious they'll forget by morning. Sleep therapists or whatever instead suggest you write that down as a short note in a journal on night stand instead and don't focus on it until the next day."
Through the Calves...
"I have been using this trick for a few years that has not failed yet (that I'd use if i really had to sleep right then and there), which is to slowly relax all your body muscles/parts. Starting with your feet, relax your feet muscles and pretend that you no longer have feet, don't move it at all, then once you feel that your feet aren't there anymore, u move on to your calves and thighs, then hands, arms, etc. usually id fall asleep by the time i reach the calves."
The Game Inside
"I play a game inside my head where i imagine cleaning my room. It doesn't matter if my irl room is actually dirty or if the dream room even resembles mine, I just pick a few tasks and get to work. focusing on this keeps me from getting anxious about stuff that happened during the day, which i find is what keeps me up most often. plus it's relaxing, and i always fall asleep before i actually finish tidying."
Monsters Inc Reaction GIF by filmeditorExhaust...
"Sheer exhaustion. Or illness. Otherwise, I'm wide awake for too long."
"It's the exhaustion to me also. When I just sit at home doing nothing, I find it difficult to go to bed in the first place and when I do it's difficult to fall asleep too. When I work out during the day or have otherwise busy day, I usually fall asleep faster and the quality of sleep is much better for me as in I'm actually not tired the next day even when I've slept similar hours."
- Joulle
That's A Rap
"I wake up at 5am which helps me get tired earlier. Sexual release helps a lot whether it be real or masturbation. I turn on my side, and that's a rap. I don't have any tv on in my room either. It's dark. Probably not the answers you are looking for, but that is what happens. I tend to sleep through the night (go to bed around 10 or 10:30 and wake up at 5am)."
AC/DC...
"To make my brain shut up at night I put in earplug headphones and put a song on repeat. Having the music playing forces my brain to shut up and just repeat the song lyrics instead. I only do this with slow sad lofi songs that really only have a few lyrics. Trying to sleep to AC/DC wouldn't work. The only bad thing is that I wake up tangled in my earplugs."
9 to 5 Process
"I work hard so that by the end of the day I'm tired enough to pass out."
- AtomicXET
"This. If you haven't done much work that day and spend your last hours in front of a bright screen it's certain you aren't gonna get sleep. If you are exhausted the first thing you wanna so is sleep, late night internet browsing be dammed."
Press Play
"I just lie down and close my eyes. I'll often put a podcast on, but I rarely get past the first couple minutes without falling asleep."
"I fall asleep much faster with a podcast or audiobook on! Not sure why. But if I'm having a hard time sleeping I'll just play something and I'm usually asleep in minutes. Maybe it mimics being told a story to sleep when we were kids."
"For me it helps prevent my mind from wandering into anxiety territory which happens to me at times. If I get started worrying about one thing it will lead to more things to obsess about and sleep gets far away. A podcast or audiobook focuses me on that story and I have a much better chance of nodding off in a more timely fashion."
- Zinfan1
Gone...
At Home Reaction GIF by IKEA USAGiphy"I just lay my head on the pillow and.... I'm gone."
- M4dMil0
My husband can confirm that last one. Once he has his CPAP on, he’s out. I’m lowkey jealous, I say as I sit awake at nearly 1am writing this article.
Thanks for reading, now go to sleep. You gotta be up early.
Some of the best advice can also be the weirdest, grossest, or most awkward advice to give. But trust me, being gross can pay off sometimes. U/ImposterIsRed asked:
What's a tip that's NSFW but can save your life?
Let’s start more lowkey, because if you want the best advice, you’ll have to buy us dinner first.
Practice makes perfect.
“If someone is trying to smother you with a pillow, stay very calm. Don't fight it, and turn your head to the left or right. Most smothering deaths are due to the panic rather than an actual loss of air.”
“You know, ever since I was a kid I'd practice this very thing. I always knew in the back of my mind that if just have to pretend to struggle for a bit and then pretend to pass out/die and wait for them to take the pillow off. Just lay there, hold my breath and pretend to be dead. Then, when the coast is clear-ish, make my sloppy grand escape.”
Anything to not die, I GUESS.
Angry Aubrey Plaza GIF by Parks and RecreationGiphy“If you get stabbed with, or impaled on, something sharp and the item stays in you, don't try and remove the item - no matter how instinctively appealing it might be to try and remove it.
The item remaining inside you will increase your chances of reducing blood loss, not developing shock, and staying alive.”
Don’t even f*ck on ‘em.
“If you go to any hotel, no matter how clean the floor and bedding might be. DO NOT SIT NAKED ON THOSE CHAIRS IN THE CORNER OR AT THE DESK. DON'T EVEN HAVE SEX ON THEM ON EM.
THEY'RE THE DIRTIEST PART OF THE ROOM.
Hard to clean a chair than a floor and bedding."
Balls are funny.
“You better believe it's preferable for a doctor to laugh at the lump on your balls that is nothing instead of getting testicular cancer.”
“I built up the courage to get that weird sensation down there checked. The doctor was unavailable, so his replacement comes in and its a guy I went to High School with LMAO. Talk about awkward, but he was very professional and the thing turned out to be a minor infection. So yeah guys, if I could do it then you can too.”
Alright, you asked for it, and we’re delivering. Here are some useful tips for all things steamy.
By steamy, I meant extremely useful.
happy the simpsons GIFGiphy“Condoms can hold up to 3 liters of water if necessary.”
“How much water can they hold if it's not necessary?”
Stay safe.
“If your partner ask for no condom, assume all their previous encounters has been without protection. STD are no joke. Also, if something looks or smells weird, go away."
“A partner that insists you don't need a condom is a very good reason to use a condom."
Well. Sorry if that wasn’t the steamy content you were looking for. But hey, now you’ll be safer in bed. Now let’s get weirder.
Please don’t do this, omg.
Sick Vomit GIF by CBSGiphy“Flared bases, people. Flared bases.
My mother is a nurse and once had to look after a guy whose "friends" stuck a toy where the sun don't shine on his stag do as a "prank". It proceeded bounce around his insides, causing a ruptured bowel as well as a number of other problems. A ruptured bowel can kill you. This guy was lucky.
While his situation was particularly extreme and illustrated the need to choose your friends carefully, this can happen to anyone who is using the wrong toy or the right toy incorrectly.
Hell, this doesn't even have to just refer to sex and/or sex toys. Always be safe and use the right tool for the particular job."
Huh. Good to know.
“If you are ever the victim of a Chlorine Gas attack...
Pee into a towel or handkerchief or something that will retain the urine and use it to cover your mouth, nose and eyes while you search for an exit.
The urea in the urine will neutralize the chlorine gas, rendering it inert, giving you time to save your own life.”
Alright, that's it for some NSFW advice! And if you came here for actual NSFW content….what's wrong with you?
Moral of these stories: never underestimate the power of your own pee. It's amazing what urine can do.
“But how bad can they be?" The answer to that is pretty freakin' horrific. Topdogkingchamp asked:
What's the worst thing you've witnessed at a wedding ?
Let’s dive in, and watch the train wreck go down. Via Reddit, of course.
Wedding slapstick is less funny than you think.
“Only horrible for one person. The main hostess for the reception of about 30 guests. She carried in the 3-tier wedding cake, rather than using a cart. She not only dropped it, but fell face first into it on the floor. First dead silence...then a few giggles....and then her emotional breakdown like I have never seen before.
She was completely devastated from both the embarrassment and ruining that special moment. We all eventually assured her that we're half drunk and don't care about the cake. The best part was that she easily collected $1000 more in tips than she would have had that not happened.”
A not-so-best man.
Jersey Shore Vinny GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy“Was a wedding DJ for 7 years. DJ'd several hundred weddings. Seen a lot of stuff.
One horrible thing I've witnessed: I introduce the best man to give his speech and hand him the mic. He starts out by saying, (paraphrasing because this was years ago but pretty close to the quote IIRC) "Well, there were a lot of things that I didn't agree with in this relationship when it first started, and that I still don't agree with because it's seriously messed up and unbalanced and the dynamic is too one sided, etc. etc. (he's starring at the bride while saying this, proceeds to trail off)...... but......that's not why we're here today. We're here........ to celebrate the marriage between Jack and Ingrid.....so I just want to say congratulations, best of luck to you guys, etc. etc."
Everyone in the whole place was just looking around, glancing nervously at one another.
Afterwards the father of the groom or bride (can't remember which one) comes up to me and says, "Thank you for not cutting the mic. I saw you looking at the head table and at us for direction and when you didn't get it, you didn't act. I appreciate that because I think it would have been even more awkward if he had just been cut off and didn't get the chance to at least come back to congratulating them."
Most awkward compliment I've ever received.”
How rude.
“My dad taking pictures at my brothers wedding. It doesn't sound bad, but he was getting in the way of the photographer my brother hired. Ever pic he tried to take my dad was right beside him inching him out and pushing him out of the way. My brother and mom were both really pissed at him.”
Bad timing, dad.
“I've only been to one wedding and it was dad's cousin's wedding.
My dad's uncle (the groom's father) did a toast when the groom and bride were at the alter, and he said, "I'm glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I'm going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!"
Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I've possibly ever witnessed.
FWIW, this was in 2008 and the groom's father is still alive."
[deleted]
At least they finished the ceremony.
“I've shared this before, and in the end it turned into a story to retell, but the pastor officiating my wedding had a heart attack, and my (now) wife and I caught him as he fell. We have video of my wife, in her wedding dress, consoling the pastor's wife, who was in tears behind the podium. One of my groomsmen is an ER doc and handled the situation well, and the pastor finally came back around. He was stubborn and insisted on finishing the ceremony (through the sound of sirens of the ambulance coming for him). Then my brother (best man) passed out minutes later. Apparently he had put on the wrong collared shirt and it was too tight around the neck. At least the EMTs had something to do while the pastor finished up.
My brother spun and handed the rings off to ER Doc groomsman as he fell, and my wife and I just busted up laughing at that point.”
Well, it can’t get any worse. That is, until the in-laws get involved.
Now that’s what I call a big yikes.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Tantrum GIFGiphy“My time has come.
Good friends getting married; it was a medium-sized wedding (no more than 75 people, including the bridal party and groomsmen). The bride's sister-in-law is pissed off something mighty. It was a wedding and reception by a lake, and everyone knew the venue, so we dressed accordingly-- shirts and comfortable trousers, sundresses and sandals, etc. Sister-in-law is dressed like she's heading out for an evening of dinner and dancing. Sky-high heels, tight dress, rhinestones everywhere. She looks gorgeous! But it's not comfortable. And we're outside.
The ceremony is sweet... except for the words "F*cking bugs... f*cking pine needles, godd*mn dirt..." that's being picked up from the small (yet apparently mighty) microphone up front.
Right after the ceremony, we walk over to the gazebo/picnic area where the reception will be, and the sister-in-law starts lobbing her high heels at her husband, screeching about what an awful day it is, gashes her husband's eyebrow open. While people are scrambling to get him napkins because facial wounds bleed like a motherf*cker, and try to get him into a car to drive him the the hospital for stitches she decides to up the ante. She says "I can't take this anymore!" and throws herself off of the dock in a dramatic swan dive.
The problem is, the lake at that point was only four feet deep, and marshy, so instead of a suicide, she just sort of... bobs? along in the water because everyone's more concerned with her husband's eye/face. Sister-in-law's father just turns towards the lake, tells her to get her a** out of there and cut the sh*t.
They pile into two cars and drove off. It was surreal."
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Maybe ask for a ride next time.
“Bride and groom were 2 hours late to the wedding.
Neither one of them has a license, but had to have a wedding out in the woods. They never thought to contact anyone and ask for a ride to their wedding.
Of course they didn't pay the cell phone bill and it got shut off. Didn't matter because there was no cell reception where we were anyway.”
That bride is kind of a bad*ss.
“Ex girlfriend of the groom showed up at the wedding...uninvited and drunk. He broke up with her 10 years earlier, and has not seen her in over 8 years. She was loud and saying very perverted thing about what she wanted to do to the groom. The bride steps up, goes all out and punches the ex in the face... knocks the ex out cold.
The bride we know is a normally calm and peaceful person. A few of us carry the ex out of the reception and drop her at her apartment about 20 min away. Bride told my wife that ‘there is nothing that will ruin my wedding day’.”
That bride is right- never let anyone ruin your special day. These next few people should’ve had that mindset.
The poor bride.
Sad Getting Married GIF by Stad GenkGiphy“My husband and I were invited to the wedding of a military buddy of his. We were running a little late, but weren't too worried. We got onto base and headed for the main chapel (there are three or four chapels on base). When we got to the main chapel, it was apparent that there was no wedding going on. Looked at the invitation again. It just said "Post chapel" and gave an address. So obviously, this wasn't the post chapel that the bride had intended and I whipped out my phone to look up the address. We drove to that part of the base and found the place. It was some sort of administration building, definitely not a chapel.
We were confused, but we found a building with "Chaplain's office" on the directory so we figured we'd been invited to some sort of civil ceremony. The building was locked. Now thoroughly confused and late at this point.
As we were wondering what we should do, we see an older gentleman in a tuxedo wandering around. He's pretty clearly in the same boat. Turns out he's the groom's father and he doesn't have any more idea what's going on than we do. After a few more minutes, a soldier arrives. He's the chaplain's assistant and he's looking for lost wedding guests (namely the groom's father). Turns out the bride put down the wrong address and the wrong chapel name on the invitation.
By the time we got to the wedding (which they had delayed because the groom's dad was missing), the bride was in tears. I felt so bad for her."
They finally started the wedding, and the chaplain gave an awkward sermon about "being clothed in Jesus' love" and lost his place several times. Finally, as the ceremony was over and the guests began to applaud, a bat fell down out of the ceiling and died.
Craziest wedding I'd ever been to."
Rule #1 of weddings: NEVER do this.
“At my friend's wedding reception, her little brother asks if he can have everyone's attention. We all think he's going to give a sweet surprise speech about his sister. When all eyes were on him, he turned to his girlfriend and said this whole wedding reminded him that he wanted to ask her an important question. Then he asked his gf to marry him.
She said yes but my friend yelled "OH HELL NO YOU DIDN'T!" and stormed out of her reception.”
“My parents had a pretty disastrous wedding. I wasn't there to witness it but my parents and the guests tell the stories all the time.
The wedding was in July, they were expecting a hot, sunny day but it ended up being a major downpour. My mother had a taxi scheduled to take her from her hotel to the church, due to the rain the taxi was super late. As my mother was waiting, in her wedding dress, she gets hit by a car. She gets knocked to the ground, but it wasn't hard enough to break any bones so she just walks it off. Unfortunately, her dress picked up a lot of the mud from her fall and a big chunk of lace was torn. It turns out the car that hit her was actually the taxi that was supposed to pick her up.
She finally makes it to the church, my father was in tears, on the verge of a nervous breakdown thinking that she wasn't going to show. Again, because of the rain, about a third of the guests didn't make it. The rest of the ceremony went ok.
At the reception, the hotel was understaffed due to the rain and the DJ couldn't make it (again, due to the rain) so the reception consisted of guests sitting around in a silent room waiting for food. A plus one soon decides that she is literally dying of hunger so she goes up and cuts a slice of the wedding cake for herself before my parents had taken pictures with the cake or sliced it.
On the positive side, later on they discovered that a restaurant in the hotel had a jukebox so the restaurant lets them move it into the banquet hall and they're able to pop in some quarters to get music playing.
It was a disaster at the time, but now they look back at it and laugh.
Edit: This was near Chicago around 40 years ago. They're no strangers to rain so I'm assuming it was some monsoon level storms or flooding... I never thought to ask."
The Goof!
Married At First Sight Lol GIF by LifetimeGiphy"A wedding I went to with my brother. It was his best friend's wedding and it was at this small town 15 minutes from me by a local lake. It's warm but it was beautiful that day and everyone was dressed up really nice."
"So they do the vows in front of the lake (with the photographer somewhere taking photos) and as they turn to face everyone else, the groom pulls out his phone super-fast and takes a selfie RIGHT there with his wife. She looked super shocked then shoved him and we all bust out laughing. He's a total goof and it was freaking hilarious."
- Lodur
Bride grabs a knife...
"Ooooh, I got one. I went to the wedding of two good friends. Bride was neglected/abused by her mum as a child, but decides to invite her as an attempt at reconciliation. So we're at the reception part of the evening. Mum is talking to Bridesmaid, and (no one knows what prompted this). Says to her "well I guess it's a good thing you can't have kids isn't it?" Bridesmaid bursts into tears, Bride grabs a knife to threaten Mum (someone stops her), Mum is bundled into car by her partner, and they disappear into the night."
6 Months Later...
"Definitely my friends wedding last year. They had only known each other for 6 months or so before they got married. She was Mormon, he was Atheist. We all thought it was really weird. The parents of the bride and groom hated each other. Two moms got into a verbal argument, then it because physical. I don't know who make the accusation, but one said they're only getting married because she's knocked up. Aaaaand she popped a baby out 6 months later trying to pass it off as a premee. Yea no."
- wtfapkin
How Depressing...
"I went to a wedding with my boyfriend a few years ago. his friend was marrying a woman that NO ONE liked. she was awful. during the ceremony we could all tell that the best man was uncomfortable. as soon as the ceremony ended the best man burst into tears for about 10 minutes and had to excuse himself."
"You could tell he just realized that is best friend was gone forever. we tried to cheer him up and reassure him that him and the groom would still be close, and that the bride wasn't too bad. Everyone present knew it was a lie and we were all just so depressed."
"Later, the bride came and yelled at our entire group (all of her husband's friends) because we weren't dancing enough. we weren't dancing because they had no DJ, just a short playlist with the couples favorite (not dance-y) songs being played on repeat. I think throughout the whole night we heard playlist start and end about 5 times."
Speechless...
"The rest of the groomsmen and I were hanging out in a room off the reception hall about 30 minutes before the ceremony started. The mother of the bride came in and asked us if we wanted her to give us all oral sex. She was a bad tweaker and was already drunk. None of us knew what to say."
- tmagnus
Not the Place
Black Man Usher GIFGiphy"The usher was handing out little pamphlets, and as he did would let every single person know that he had just got engaged recently."
some random country crap...
"The DJ got so drunk that she couldn't even stand. She didn't have the brides wedding song, so a group of people all joined hands and tried to sing the song (some random country crap) for her and she just stood in the middle of the circle crying in her dress, and no one knew the lyrics. And her father got wasted and started a fight which ended with him destroying a stop sign with his fists. Let's not forget that us in the wedding party got picked up in a NASCAR stretch limo. Classy, classy, classy Florida."
- treylek
On the spot...
"Not witnessed by me, but my ex gfs mother. A relative of the bride had a heart attack while dancing traditional Greek songs (like a big half circle of people running, she was leading the circle) She died on the spot, rest of the party was canceled. It actually made the news."
Ummm....
tove styrke run GIFGiphy"The groom waiting at the end of the aisle all smiles and happiness until a bridesmaid came quietly walking down the aisle and pulled him aside to talk to him. The bride had run off."
- Kilen13
Here’s how to not f*ck up a wedding in three easy steps: don’t make it about you, be careful with the cake, and NEVER EVER propose to your partner at someone else’s reception. It’s tacky af.
After reading this, it confirmed that I’m so glad I eloped.
Wanna know where to apply? Check out the inside scoop from these Redditors. Rabahi asked:
What's a low effort job with a surprisingly high salary?
Ever wanna get paid large hourly wages to sit in a room and do nothing? Keep scrolling.
$35 an hour?!
“I once took a job as tape operator for a production company who was making a docu series.
I got paid $35 an hour to sit in a room overnight for 4 months with boxes of tapes, mark in/out points, and transfer digital copies to server.
It's still the easiest job I've ever had."
Best job in the world.
Dog Snuggling GIFGiphy“I once had a job at a dog kennel and my job was to sleep In a bedroom with a dog or two, provided a comfy bed & netflix/wifi. I was getting paid $30/hr to basically cuddle with dogs.”
“Why would one leave this job, for any reason?”
Uhhhh this is my dream job.
“In college I had to catalogue and convert old radio shows. I was literally paid to listen to old comedy shows. The actual 'work' was loading the reels and pressing a button.
Neat side effect is Looney Toons cartoons make more sense, I am getting more of the jokes, turns out they were just meme fests for their time.
I am most likely the only person under about 60 who has heard the entire run of "Fibber Mcgee and Molly’."
A great job that warrants a great pun.
“I worked as a massage "model" at a massage school. My job was to lay there and be massaged for a few hours while the students did their lessons or took their exams. It was £30 an hour which isn't loads, but better than the £10 an hour office job I had before.”
“Yeah, but sometimes that's the kind of job that can just rub you the wrong way.”
Other types of low-effort jobs just come with the fact that everyone at the workplaces knows their sh*t.
Being efficient has many perks.
Hacking Work From Home GIFGiphy“I do admin work for the Government. My pay is 55K. At best I get 5 emails a day with about 2 that actually concern me. No B.S; my phone has rang about 20 times since June 1st. On a super busy day I have about 45 mins worth of work to do.”
“No one wants to work in my position because they think it's extremely difficult. I spent maybe an hour today actually working.
I am super efficient so something that might take someone else 15 minutes takes me less than 5. I've also proven myself to be reliable so I don't have to justify my time with anyone like some people I work with. It's nice!”
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Best part about having great coworkers.
“I.T. Manager at a university. The techs know their jobs, their users, and manage their own schedules and workloads among themselves. Managers basically just have to rubber-stamp timecards, confirm parts orders, and make sure the techs don't all take vacations at the same time."
“I think this is true with a lot of managers. If you hire good people, you don't have to do a whole lot. My Manager doesn't. We have a self-managing team for the most part. and our workload is medium-heavy, and we try to do as much proactive stuff, so we're not bothered on the weekend."
$120,000 to knit all day? Sounds fun.
“I have some relatives that work for the (US) Federal Government that often talk about jobs where they work in areas like Accounting and Project Management that make over $100,000 and might on a busy day have as much as two hours of actual work.
My Aunt was talking about this one older women near retirement that made over $120,000 a year and her only job was running some transactions every morning, which usually took no more than 20 minutes, then she would spend the rest of the day knitting at her desk.”
Low-effort jobs are the best jobs. Getting paid six figures to just chill? Sign me up.
That neighborino has a good gig.
homer simpson skiing GIFGiphy“My next door neighbour works in a power station. His job is to sit in front of a monitor and make sure everything is working well. If something goes wrong, he calls the appropriate work station and they fix the problem. Because an alarm sounds if something is out of sync (which rarely happens) he is able to play games or read a book 99% of the time. He is on $150 per hour to basically play games and chill at work.”
“Are you Ned Flanders?”
Valid question.
“As a closed captioner broadcaster for the News, I work from home. I set my own hours and earn anything from $50 to $70 per hour, depending on the assignment. It takes a lot of money to get started, but the payoff is well worth it.”
“Do you ever worry that auto-generated captions will take your job?
They're starting to get pretty good at it.”
A legend.
“Vanna White's job on Wheel of Fortune. She gets paid $4 million a year walking back and forth in 20 feet.”
“Hey she used to have to physically turn the tiles over… she paid her dues.”
Not every job is as good as Vanna White’s, but sometimes you can really get lucky with the jobs you land.
Now where do I apply?
Let's talk about toxic femininity, shall we? VysX_ asked:
There's toxic masculinity but what are examples of toxic femininity?
For some reason, toxic femininity gets really, REALLY prevalent when they become moms. It’s weird and kinda creepy, if you ask me.
Why does Little League bring out the worst in people?
“Mothers who treat other people like crap and then justify it by saying they're a mama bear."
“A few years ago my son's team was playing a little league game against another team. We had a very good team that year and the other team was really struggling. Despite this, it was a close game going into the 5th (i.e. next-to-last) inning.
Well, we're batting and the wheels finally come off for the opposition. A kid on our team gets a simple hit to the outfield and the other team proceeds to go full tee-ball and throw it all over creation. What should have been a single turns into a 3-run HR.
As the batter crosses home plate, fans are going nuts, players are going nuts, everyone is going nuts, and the star player on the losing team just melts down. He picks up the ball and throws it as hard as he can right at our dug out. There's a safety fence of course, so no one gets hurt, but it was still very much an "Oh, snap" moment for everyone.
At this point, the ump turns to the losing coach and says, "Coach, you need to get a hold of your player." That's it. That's all he said. He didn't say anything to the player; he didn't kick him out of the game; he just gave the coach a direct warning.
Next thing I hear is "DONT YOU TALK TO MY BABY THAT WAY" as the dug-out mom comes firing out of the other dug-out, heading straight for the ump. Fortunately for everyone, the head coach comes out of nowhere to intercept her. He proceeds to restrain her and walk her (and the player) away. The whole game stops for ~5 minutes while those three basically have a group hug in the middle of the infield.
Fortunately, that was the end of the drama. I still give major props to that other coach for somehow diffusing that situation without getting the police involved. But I will never understand what was going through that lady's mind."
We can all do “womaning” differently.
Wendy Conrad GIF by Your Happy WorkplaceGiphy“To me it would mean women who bag on other women for womaning differently than they do.
This becomes really toxic after childbirth. Some women will feel nothing about letting you know how you are parenting wrong by using this product or letting you child do this particular thing.
Women who are able to stay at home will be made to feel guilty for not helping to provide; and women who work are made to feel guilty for abandoning their child.
I wish women were more understanding about dealing with differences and letting things slide a bit more. You should never feel higher after putting someone else down.
That being said, I don't know how we did it, but I found the world's greatest group of moms when my son was a year and a half old. We came from all walks of life and supported the ever-loving hell out of each other. This was in Phoenix late 90's and we were completely tight until I moved away when my son was 5. I miss all of em."
They should know better than to tear down other women.
“It's very common for mothers or female relatives to be some of the first ones to comment on a woman's weight, appearance, or personal style/fashion choices, as well as reinforcing a sense of self-hatred (i.e. "I look so fat in this outfit, and you look so ugly in that color"), all while tearing other women down ("I can't believe she's wearing that, doesn't she know how she looks??").
When you have that reinforcement that it's normal to say things like that, because if your mom does it then it's okay to do it too, then you just treat it as normal. And because it's so common, you find other women to do it with and it just becomes a cycle. If you try to break it, then you're labeled as sensitive, a bore, and "Oh my god we're just having fun, chill out, it's not that serious."
I still remember the first time I called my mom on talking sh*t about a woman wearing something she didn't like, and she got so f*cking mad at me."
Let’s dive into the tearing down other women thing some more. We as a society need a wake-up call.
It’s like high school all over again.
"Some women are so judgemental about other women, particularly when it comes to looks or fashion.
Also the women who seem to enjoy forming cliques and cutting out anyone they deem to be an outsider.
Worked with an office full of them once. It really sucked!"
“When I first got out of grad school, my first (and as it turns out, only) teaching job was long-term substituting for a friend while she went on maternity leave. The kids/classroom were mine for the first half of the school year, but we coordinated so that things would be pretty smooth transitioning back to my friend teaching at the end of her leave.
My friend was part of a two-teacher team who ran the 8th grade Student Council. I told the other teacher that I would be happy to help her with the club in my friend's absence, but she insisted she didn't need my help. She then proceeded to 100% ignore me and treat me as if I was invisible during all future interactions. 8th-grade team meetings, if I said even a single word, she shot me side eye, even though what I had said was not at all related to her; just a kind of "you're not a real teacher, how dare you speak?" vibe she was giving off.
My last day, my friend came in after school to put her classroom stuff up as I took my own down. The other teacher and two other women (the PE coach who I'd never talked to and another teacher, I don't remember) came in to help her, but none of the three of them offered to help me take any of my own things down or pack any of it up. They also said things like, "Is this yours or hers?" to my friend, even though I was standing right f*cking there. They also gushed about how excited they were that she was back; again, right in front of me.
After I was finally done putting away all my things--again, by myself--I just left without a word. I texted my friend about it later, and she apologized for her other friends' behavior but just excused it as, "Yeah, they're definitely the 'Mean Girls' types".
I was just floored. These were TEACHERS. You know, the people who are supposed to teach children NOT to bully other people? And I had never been anything but nice to everyone I met during my time there, but they didn't care. I wasn't part of their group, so I wasn't worth their time.
It became one of a laundry list of reasons I decided I didn't actually want to be a teacher for a living, after all.
tl;dr - personally experienced cliquey adult women in the education field, of all places. It sucked.”
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
How possessive.
“My ex-husband and I separated when our child was 2. Went to a birthday party for daughter's friend and was having a casual conversation with one of the husbands. The group of women stood in a corner staring at me, and the wife came up and grabbed him by the arm and started doing that strange possessive peacock dance.
What were we talking about? Real estate prices."
“No joke, I had a professor I was close with because we were both single moms and she gave me the advice to wear a wedding band even without a man and that the other moms would chill out a bit. It worked and my daughter started getting more opportunities for playdates. It's really demoralizing."
I think we all need to learn how to be more forgiving.
Toxic office culture is the literal worst.
come together love and hip hop GIF by VH1Giphy“The sheer terrifying glee they have at tearing down someone who's made a mistake or is somehow lacking in their eyes. I worked at a doctor's office with a fifty person staff, forty five of which were women. Like they were so fake and catty and just outright hateful to each other. It was a toxic office culture."
“Did they also have a compulsive, competitive need to please the male figures in the department? I go weekly to a fairly small medical department where the head doctor is male and the majority of nurses and admin are female. They treat him like an absolute God and defer to him with everything. He's a huge d*ck and of course, has a big ego by now."
This girl isn't just toxic--she's a monster.
“A girl in the grade below me (I'm a senior in high school at this point) passed away unexpectedly due to sepsis. Our whole city was in shock as the girl was in the school just days before her passing.
I remember I met up with my gf at the time and she asked, "Why do so many people care about her dying? It's not like she was pretty anyways."
This was the type of girl that says, "What??!! I am SOOO nice."
Safe to say, the lord blessed me with a brain and I GTFO of that relationship.
To this day, she is still in contact with me & recently she complained that guys use her & she can't figure out why nobody will be with her.
Well, honey, I don't think it takes a rocket scientist to figure that one out.
Edit: Some of you have said that I should tell her and I did. Apparently, she would "literally never say that about her" and also apparently "I know nothing about her." (My ex. Dated for 4 years. Know nothing)"
This is how eating disorders start.
“Probably the culture around eating.
When I was 17-18, a few friends kept saying how much more attractive I'd be if I lost weight, how that's why most guys weren't into me, how I'd regret not being skinny in college, etc. My BMI was slightly under 25, so I wasn't overweight, but I was close to it, especially compared to them.
So I basically became anorexic from 18-20 just because the feedback was like a high. I recovered, but not enough to make my mom and others happy, even though my BMI was 22-23. This continued for years between friends and family, and it was exhausting cycling between being too skinny or not average enough.
That's really the only strong example I can think of. No matter the trendy body shape, the criticism from others will always continue. I've only had one guy ever comment on my weight compared to the many, many women, even strangers.”
As a woman myself, I’ve encountered plenty of toxic femininity in my life. It’s almost as terrible as the objectifying sh*t I hear men saying about women all the time. We have to be rid of cattiness and tearing other women down.
Remember what we actually need to be working against. So much sexism exists in the world, and we have to stick together.