They say revenge is a dish best served cold, and I guess that's true for major stuff. Like if someone assasinates your lord, leaving you and 46 of your homies as ronin samurai and then dude takes your girl, too then OBVIOUSLY you devote yourself entirely to plotting and exacting your revenge. Don't even get me started on the merciless vengeance that you can expect if you mess with John Wick's dog. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it's not to anger Keanu Reeves. He's just out here trying to live his life in peace, so he may seem like an easy target, but he WILL end you without even breaking a sweat. There's no sweat in revenge this cold.
But what about the minor annoyances life has to offer? Do they really deserve cold revenge? What about petty lukewarm revenge? Can it be just as delicious? Short answer: YUP. One Twitter user asked:
What is your most memorable story of petty revenge?
Honestly, these don't need a major introduction. It's a parade of pettiness that made several people cackle wickedly. James, whoever you are and wherever your doughnut fingers may be right now, we hope you're happy with yourself, sir. Yours was perhaps the deepest betrayal.
50. Concrete Pumpkin
I have a friend whose pumpkin\fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. Friend decided to put a stop to it.
He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.
The jack@ss broke the axle of his sh*tty car when he hit that pumpkin and could not drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.
My coworker throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won't see it. There's no reason for it. The cafeteria offers lids for the ketchup cups, so she could just put the lid on it and throw it away - but she refuses to get lids and insists on leaving her food garbage to stink up my area.
Now, when she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.
48. Ring The AlarmGiphy
In response to an (admittedly pretty good) practical joke, I hid seven battery powered alarm clocks in the perpetrators room. Set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 and 6 AM. Last one was hid in the ceiling.
47. Pay The IT Guy
Someone owed me $50 and refused to pay, so being in IT I reduced their Mailbox size so they could only hold around 10 e-mails, removed them from distro groups so they missed important group e-mails, and every day for like 3 months I went to their account and checked the little box "Must change password at next login"(We used an elaborate pw scheme).
46. The Austin Powers 20-Point Turn
There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. Whoever owns it always parks it taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking unfortunately). Months of this.
I drive a much smaller car than that, and I'm petty/passive aggressive, I've been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.
I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is parked across 2 spaces again, but there's juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half and inch from their driver side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited.
The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot.
I've never been so proud of myself and my sh!tty, petty, passive aggressive ways.
45. No Labels
My brother did something to his annoy his then-girlfriend. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food?
44. Don't Mess With My Dogs
I found out my then boyfriend was cheating on me. And he threw my dog across the room when we were discussing what he had done. I moved out immediately. More for hurting my dog than anything. So as I was moving out I took his entire porn collection and microwaved them one by one. It only takes 3 second each. Took me about an hour to go thru them all.
I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, did not really care. He was also a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food. They had really nice coolers that the food came in so I called the GM and explained I had moved out and that I wanted to return the boxes. He lost his job. Then I was getting collection calls for him, so I gave them the new girls work and personal number so they could find him. He's her problem now.
Don't mess with my dogs.
43. James Has Doughnut FingersGiphy
Back in the late 90s I worked at Best Buy and one Saturday a month we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened (so 7am) for a mandatory all store meeting where we watch the video from corporate, give out employee of the month awards, go over department goals, and the like.
Well, there was a guy in our department James who was a pretty crappy worker and showed up to the meeting an hour late and the manager took him aside and fired him. Apparently the manager didn't watch him on his way out of the store and he went into the break room and stuck his finger in every single doughnut they brought in for our break. So literally the only mild positive of getting up at 6 on Saturday was ruined.
20 years later and I still miss that doughnut.
42. Brake CheckGiphy
My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes. He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it pissed him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind, merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights. The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life.
When my wife and brother in law were younger, she got the best petty revenge on him for something they don't even remember. My brother in law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school.
My wife turned off the TV, wrote "broken" on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. Took my brother in law several days to figure it out.
40. Table For One
Went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter said what are you doing? I said, I paid for it I'm taking it home. And I did.
They couldn't very well argue, could they? Even if they called the police, you have a receipt.
39. Tuppence A Bag
I caught my flatmate telling lies about me to some mutual friends. I made plans to move out the next month. In the meantime, she went out of town for a week, and left her car parked in its usual spot in the parking lot. I threw birdseed on it every morning and evening, so when she came home, the birds wouldn't leave her car alone.
It would be amazing if the birds started considering the car their home and protecting it by dive bombing her. Having birds do your bidding is some real super villain type sh!t.
"I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne, Let my armies be the rocks, and the trees, and the birds in the sky."
My college roommate had a bad habit of leaving her things in piles on our bathroom floor until there was almost no space to walk to the bath or toilet. Not just clothes but change, jewelry, decks of playing cards, knitting needles, books, hairpins, scarves, earbud headphones, keys, etc. One day she left $40 scattered with the mess, so I put the money in one of her lesser-used bathroom drawers.
Originally I put it there to protect it from our third roommate and her friends. When I came home the next day and noticed that she was clearing her mess in an effort to find it, I decided not to tell her where the money was until our bathroom floor was spotless.
Afterwards, I decided it would be too awkward to tell her the truth so I left the money wadded up in her hamper as I'd found it on the floor. She was ecstatic when she found it on laundry day. After that her bathroom piles never got quite as big.
My mom tried to so this with me as a kid. "I've hidden 3 crisp 20s in your room. If you clean up and find them, they're yours. "
Well put them somewhere I can reach woman! First time, one was BEHIND my full bookcase, the 2nd was on a shelf I could not reach but had collectables on it that were bought for me, and 3rd was under my bed... Post. Like my bed was picked up and a small bill was slipped under the leg. I was like 8.
The 2nd time mom tried it, I just tore apart my room. Found 2 out of 3 and made my room 10x worse.
There was no third time.
37. Where's My Money?
My friend did some work for a guy who skipped his bill and never paid him. My friend is so petty he did many things...such as;
Placed fake for sale ads with too good a deal like a nice boat for 1000$ and other numerous ads with the guys number.
Our city is big on garage sales. He posted ads like "moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house, just walk in or ring the door bell" then put this guys address on the ad.
He also signed him up for numerous "free gym memberships" and responded to things like car dealership ads with this guys phone number.
He did a lot more, that's just what I can remember. I don't know who I feel more sorry for.
36. Caught Red Handed -- Er, Mouthed
My friend's Sprite kept getting stolen even though she wrote her name all over the can. Finally after the 5th time it happened she got a habanero, cut it open and rubbed it all over the top of the can and left it in the fridge. We found out who the thief was when that afternoon we hear the office drama queen shriek in her cubicle and run to the water cooler. She never stole anything again.
Had someone steal a sandwich out of my lunchbox but leave me a dollar in its place. Thanks, but I am not a vending machine!
The COO of a company I used to work for was asked to resign because it was discovered he regularly entered the storage closet of the on-site (run by a vendor) cafe and helped himself to whatever he felt like.
Edit: Oh! And when confronted, he tried to lie about it. Dude. There are cameras. You're the COO, you know there are cameras.
I've told this one before, but it makes me happy to retell it.
I had a boss 7-8 years ago whom I hated. She was the fakest and most entitled person I had ever met. One day, she decided that she didn't like the smell of microwave popcorn...so she waved her magic office wand and had it banned.
Fast forward a month or so. I was browsing Amazon and found one of those USB sticks that emits a smell when plugged in...the smell of buttered popcorn. I bought it, plugged it into the back of her computer, and she had the sweet smell of PopSecret in her office for six months. She complained almost every day. It's the sweetest revenge I've ever tasted.
34. Game On
Grounded yet again by my Angry Dad for breathing whilst his ballgame was on, I was stuck in my bedroom bored witless. For something to do I flicked the light switches on and off (pre-mobile era folks, we had to make our own fun...). It was then I discovered that this made a loud buzzing static interference on the TV in the lounge. Cue the next 5 years of petty revenge...
Angry Dad never figured out why we had such a bad TV signal at game time, he never connected it with me being sent to my room and flicking the light switch every few minutes, reveling as he yelled futilely at the static dancing across the TV.
33. Want Fries With That?Giphy
When I was in law school I went to a bar with a bunch of law school students and decided I wanted a cig - I went outside and a whole bunch of girls are smoking. I don't like to bum cigarettes, but I had a free small fry coupon from McDonald's. I offered it to the girl if she would give me a cigarette, she said okay. I handed it to her, and then she wouldn't give me a cigarette. She said "You shouldn't be so trusting."
Flash forward a few months, and I'm the head GA for the IT for a division in our university, which includes administration. I went up to replace a computer and saw the same girl - she was waiting in line for a job interview. I went up to the person who was conducting the interviews (I was their IT person too) and told them the story.
She didn't get the job.
32. Tides Turned
We were kids staying at the seaside on holiday with our family. My little sister would always make a pretty sandcastle, and the next day it would have been kicked down and she'd cry. We wanted to find out who was doing it, so one day we stayed behind to spy. We watched as a bunch of jerk older boys came by and kicked her castle down, laughing smugly. So the next night, we covered a big beach rock in sand and decorated it. Like clockwork, the jerk kids came with their smug faces and this time kicked a solid rock with all of their might. The yowl and the look on their faces was the best revenge ever.
31. The Loud Night
In the dorms at my first base, I got a new suitemate (shared bathroom, separate rooms) that worked a different shift and liked to play loud music all night.
I am an --shole, but I always make an effort to be reasonable first. A week after this started, I am coming back to my room and see him unlocking his door and introduce myself as his suitemate. We chat for a bit, and I eventually say that I am cool with music during the night, but would you mind lowering the volume a bit? He just rolls his eyes and walks in his room.
That night was louder than ever, all night.
I am not one to run to authority figures, nah, I get even. And I escalate quickly. And I was not exactly in the greatest of moods right then. My leave had just been approved so I could go visit my dying grandmother, I had the next week off and I was leaving the state.
I took my computer speaker, turned it up about midway, placed it against our shared wall, and set Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper on repeat the entire time I was gone. It ended up being two weeks because I had to attend the funeral.
I came back after and the dorm manager (who I was cool with) told me I was reported for noise violations, but they determined it was not excessively loud. But the speaker being against the wall to his room made the sound pass right through.
Never had an issue with the dude's loud music during the night again.
30. Luck Runs Out
Guy in an El Camino was aggressively tailgating me in the slow lane. On the highway. Traffic was light so he could have passed easily. I'm in a SUV. I see metal debris in the road ahead of me. I know I can clear it and do. He wasn't so lucky. riverrelic
29. Break the Silence
Dated a guy and later found out he had another girlfriend. Messaged the other girlfriend on MySpace (showing my age here) and told her if she wanted to know the truth it would be better to hear it from him, so please call me and I'll call him on three way calling. She did and stayed totally quiet on the call while he tried to set up some sexy time with me for later that week.
Finally I said "I don't think I can do that, ***** might have a problem with it. Wouldn't you, *****?" She finally chimed in with a nope and a f**k you (to him) and he hung up in a panic. Wished her luck. No idea how it turned out for them, but I blocked his sorry butt and still get a chuckle at the moment of pure fear we heard in the silence before he hung up. CheerFairy
28. That's Not Frosty!Giphy
On the first snowfall one year, a coworker balled up a snowball and threw it right in my face in front of the whole office. Everyone laughed and he refused to apologize. So on the next workday it snowed, I gathered a backpack of snowballs and disguised myself as a snowman in front of our work building, waiting for him to arrive. When he did and tried to open the front door I had locked, I burst from my snowman disguise and pelted him repeatedly with snowballs! My fingers and penis were frozen from waiting as a snowman but it was definitely worth it. Laundry-Service
27. No Nice Things...
I used to live with a couple of people who didn't like to do their dishes, the kitchen was always a wreck of just their unwashed dishes for weeks at a time. I just started throwing them out little by little because I figured if there weren't any dishes to use there wouldn't be anything for them to leave dirty. flounderjaw
26. The Slums...
Had a crappy landlord once. Refused to fix windows that were broken before I moved in, basically just a hole owned by a slumlord. Took him to small claims court for a number of reasons, ended up getting my next 6 months paid for at my next apartment. There was a small trap door in the closet floor to access shutoff valves for the plumbing, so before I moved out I got scrap meat from a local butcher ( stuff they can't sell) and placed it in the trap door.
A few months later the place gets condemned due to vermin infestation, gets torn down. This was also before cell phones, so a couple times I got my female friend to call his house when I knew he wasn't home. His wife would answer, my friend would ask for him and act nervous and hang up. gramses_0-0
25. Let him go!
My husband, as a small.child in school, was sick and the teacher wouldn't let him go to the bathroom to throw up, so he went to her desk (where she was sitting) and threw up all over that instead. puppypoet
On my way out the front door, I bent over to pet the dog, and proceeded to throw up all over the door, the dog, my little brother, and the bottom three stairs.
Guess she knew I wasn't faking! DEAD_P1XL
24. It's All about the Legos.....
My boyfriend collects Lego and Mini-figures, and once we got into a silly fight so when he fell asleep I removed the heads from all of his Lego figures and hid them in a box under his bed until he apologized.
This was about 2/3 years ago and he found it hilarious (and still does) and we put them all back on together, I wouldn't do it again since his collection is about 3 times the size. penguinloveaffair
23. Eye 2 Eye...Giphy
One time my dog came in my room and jumped on the bed while I was sleeping, waking me up. I scolded her and told her to get down. She slowly hopped off the bed, turned to look at me , sat down, and WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT scooted her butt across the floor, leaving a nice little poop mark. Looked away, stood up, left. I miss that little gremlin. cap-n-dukes
22. Kharma served!
I had a childhood bully of mine serve me food at McDonald's. It wasn't like actual revenge, but it was somewhat satisfying seeing a kid who was so cruel to me growing up having to serve me. I don't think he recognized me because I was much skinnier and had a beard now, but I definitely recognized him. -eDgAR-
21. Not MY Pop Tarts!
One of my roommates kept stealing my pop tarts so I ordered a little UV fingerprint powder off Amazon and dusted it over the packaging. Next time a pop tart got stolen I checked all of my roommates door knobs for the powder with a black light and found out who was stealing my breakfast.
Alex you still owe me a box of cinnamon frosted pop tarts you fool. ChildLaborForce69
20. Butt lint?
My brother used to leave butt lint on the toilet seat. Like, there would just be a line of grossness in the spot where your buttcrack is on the toilet seat. I was constantly telling him to wipe it off and he never would. Soooo I started using his toothbrush to clean it up and never told him. It went on for like a year. mrfingerbottom_
19. You! NO YOU!!
This one was truly petty. My dad was driving and we came up on a construction truck driving the other way with a crew in back placing cones in the center of the road as they slowly drove. Just preparing for some construction. Dad slows down and offers some criticism of how they're putting the cones down. I don't even remember what, maybe the cones were a bit far into our lane or something. Construction guy isn't having it, conversation gets a bit heated, dude gives Dad a "f**k you."
"F**k me? No, f**k you."
Dad proceeds to run over cones for an entire mile. Now I would have thought that they would have just gotten a little flattened but the tire was actually throwing them behind the vehicle and frequently a lot to the left or right. Some were thrown completely off the road, all of them were just all over the place.
He was a narcissist. This isn't even remotely the worst or most petty thing he did, it's just one I was there for. Astazha
18. Want to wear Coffee?Giphy
When I worked at a cafe, I had one lady come in every day before work and make nasty comments. She was horrible.
"So are you going to school, or is this pretty much it for you?"
She got decaf on Mondays and Tuesdays, then regular for the rest of the week to get her used to it again before starting over the next week. MadTouretter
17. Porn them Away!
Guys next door to me were playing COD or something super loud at night. I got annoyed and noticed they were on a smart tv that wasn't password protected or anything. I pulled up some gay porn and cast it to their screen. They immediately start freaking out and aren't able to get it off screen.
They finally get up and go to the lobby to play games or whatever.
Lobby also has unsecured smart tv. I can still hear them screaming and carrying on. Cast the same porn to that room too.
They leave the building. AceD3sign3r
16. Hurl and Run....
When I was 8 or 9 a kid pushed me down a hill and ran away. I split my forehead open and was pissed. Later that day I saw him come into the bathroom and go into one of the stalls. So I ran outside and grabbed a huge chunk of ice/snow and ran back into the bathroom and kicked the stall door open and hurled it right into his stupefied face, then also ran away. tweak0
15. Leave the Debris...
It's not really revenge I suppose but my fiancé always has the bed made. Like even if I'm poorly and gone downstairs for juice, come back up and it's made.
So when I'm annoyed with her and leaving the house after I'll make sure to leave the bed unmade and send her a picture. Just so I know it'll annoy her for the rest of the day. SwimnGinger-
14. What Friends are For.
My house was on the left side of a dead end street. There was a house at the very end of the street facing the other way with its drive ways attached to a different street on the other side. My roommate would always park in the front of our house on the street but leave enough room for cars to get past because the land lord of the other house graveled his back yard so he could use our street to get to the house. It had drive ways but they were destroyed and very narrow up a hill, had to be repaired to use them.
He left a note on my roommates car stating she can't park there and he would tow her car if she did. I may of gotten irrationally pissed off by this old man trying to bull a house full of college girls. So I did what any good friend would do.
Called my friend was a civil engineer intern for the city and he got the city to put up guard rails at the end of the street so he could no longer use his back yard as an entrance and had to spend the money to fix is drive ways.
Neighbor 1 and 2 were owned by the same slumlord. They are facing the other street, both with drive ways. The red car is my roommate car and she would try to park far enough over to leave enough room as a courtesy, it was tight because the neighbor had a shed in their backyard limiting the space to get in from the street to the backyard. Serennadi
13. I'm crossing you out!
My mum and her friend had a massive fight, and my mum's friend sent a letter to my mum scolding her and pretty much saying "We're no longer friends" and my mum, as an Ex-Teacher, took out a red pen, corrected all the spelling mistakes and grammatical mistakes, and mailed it right back to her. YourApril27
One time this girl at my University started yelling at me because I parked too close to her. She was in her car literally shouting at me the whole time I adjusted the park. When I fixed it she rolled down her window and I did the same. She said "You idiot! You were gonna hit me!" My response was "If I wanted to hit you, I would have."
Like a week later she got into a car accident after rolling through a stop light and lost her license. Karma's a B! Wild__Gringo
11. A Lampoon Vaca....
Family camping trip near the beach in Assateague with 2 couples and our young children. We had a great time until a huge family reunion took all the camping spots around us. Probably 30 adults and 10+ young kids. No problem, we're all on vacation so sure, stay up, drink, party on- whatever. They were another level of loud, arguing, all night long music, fireworks & general craziness. Worse, they put all their children's tent way the hell over on the other side of our two tents.
Every night, they would send their kids( with the older kids as minders) to their tents and those kids cried, screamed, fought and beat each other. Some ran to us for help and we went to the adult group to let them know. They couldn't have cared less. When we left three days hence, my husband and our friend took all our leftover cookies, crackers and bread and spread it through their campsite early in the morning. They called it land chumming and it was glorious. Like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Antsy38
10. Frat Down!
Not mine but my parents back when they were dating in high school Maui. My father got recruited in a fraternity and they do hazing and crap which is illegal. He couldn't get out of the group as he was threatened. Whenever there's a meeting, my dad would tell my mom and my mom would call the local authorities she would tip their location in exchange, they would let my dad run 😂 it happened several times and they disbanded because of that 🙏 hibiscusity
9. Hello... Crime Stoppers?
An uncle of mine was a serious drug addict and an all around a**hole. When I was a kid it was pretty common for him to steal from my grandparents, including a lot of things they intended to give me when I was older (a coin collection, things like that). There's a long list of things he did over the course of my life to piss me off, but I'll skip to the petty revenge.
I was browsing the local county website and noticed there was a section for active warrants. I wondered if any familiar names were listed so I browsed it and to my complete lack of surprise, I saw my uncle's name listed for something minor. Then I saw the Crime Stoppers number at the top of the page. I knew where he was living at the time and it was anonymous, so what the hell? I called, described him and told them where he was. They gave me a reference number and told me to call back in two weeks.
For the sake of being thorough, I called a relative from the other side of the family who, funny enough, was not only a cop but also in charge of following up on these things. I told him the situation and he said he'd prioritize it.
Two weeks later I call Crime Stoppers for an update and they said the tip did indeed lead to an arrest and asked which post office I preferred. I was confused but I named one. They gave me an alias, told me to give that name to the clerk and there would be a general delivery envelope with $200 cash inside. That part was unexpected but a sweet bonus for sure.
Easiest $200 I ever made. thelivinlegend
7. The Tailgate Avenger!
This was actually the other week. Me and some "friends" drove 5 1/2 hours to another town to watch our university play another. I was going around to hang out with my friends from home, and on the day of the game the ones I came with all ghosted me. They didn't talk to me, left me on read, would decline my calls, etc. So I didn't get my football tickets.
I reported their car for being parked in a Walmart parking lot for over 24 hours and it got towed, so they had to go get their car back while I drove back with another group of students. Insectshelf3
6. Spooned You!
I had a roommate who used a lot of spoons (he ate a lot of pudding, soup, ice cream, yogurt, etc) and would never wash his dishes. I was tired of washing his dishes so I let them pile up in the sink until we got to the last spoon. This one I washed and hid in my room each time I used it. pbfh33
5. Wet your appetite...
Girl told me (not ask) to buy her a drink in college, not against buying a girl a drink but I like to be friends with them or at least offer them first. I said I didn't know her and she starts cursing me out. So I order two shots, I take mine and hand her one and say I felt bad now. Once she reaches out to grab it, I pull it back towards me and take it. The look on her face was amazing. soupoftheday5
4. The Free Spot.
When I rented, the parking lot was assigned parking. My wife and I both had cars so I had to pay extra for the extra spot. First one was complimentary.
We come home around 1am and some idiot is parked in my spot. Not having it, and not wanted to deal with an overnight parking ban on the street, I park behind him perpendicularly to block him in my spot. My neighboring spot was my caretakers, who was the chillest guy I've ever rented from. Shot him a text explaining and to call me if he needed out before me in the morning. He laughed and said all was good.
After about an hour of watching tv I go out for a smoke. Notice this guys car is running. I watch him frantically at 2am looking around for who's car it is. He sees me and starts yelling about it, not knowing it's mine. Says he just wants to go home and doesn't understand why some people gotta be such a**holes. I tell him maybe the owner of the car was mad cuz you were in his spot. Told him some people pay extra monthly for another spot. He gives up and goes back into his buddies unit. I go to inside and go to bed.
Come out in the morning to go out for a bit, guy is sitting on his buddies doorstep. I wave and get in my car and leave. Made that a**hole sit trapped all night till 9am. The look on his face as I entered my car was priceless. SearsActivewear
3. Monster in Law...
My mother in law has a habit of showing up a day earlier than agreed upon. We've had to cancel plans because of her shenanigans.
When our kids were younger one day my husband made plans with MIL and told her repeatedly that he and I were busy the day before. Two days before the agreed visit she messages saying she's excited to see us "tomorrow," hubby reminds her "Saturday, we're busy tomorrow."
Anyway Friday happens. Hubby goes to a work event and is unable to be contacted most of the day. My plans are cancelled due to one of the kids throwing up. Nap time rolls around, I settle the kids down and go to enjoy some quiet internet time when there's a knock at the door. We don't open the lounge blinds a lot because of nosy apartment neighbors, so I was safe from sight. I checked the peephole in case it was the postie, but nah, my mother in law I'm all her annoying glory.
I silently deadbolt the door, sneak to the back door and check the locks. Then I snuggled into my bed with my kids, to keep them calm in case the knocking woke then. I checked the peephole after an hour and saw her sulking on the front step clearly trying to reach hubby in the phone.
Except I had messaged him "your mum is here, I'm ignoring her." So he knew why she was calling and ignored her completely. She finally left just before the kids woke from their nap.
The next day when she arrived she asked what I did the day before and I said "nothing. I was home all day." maybebabyg
2. Shovel It!Giphy
Back when I lived in DC, one winter we had ~2ft of snow in a single storm. All the area near me was street parking. Decide to go to the store to pick up some new groceries and start to shovel out my car. couple minute drive to the store, so I hope to be out and back before I can lose the spot. a couple minutes after I start, a lady in one of those Infinity SUVs pulls up and idles 20 ft down the road from me as I shovel. After 15 mins of her idling and several thousand pounds of snow moved, its obvious she is going to take the spot the second I leave.
I decide after all that hard work, I had better eat and warm up before thinking about going to the store and head inside. Drak_is_Right
1. Gotcha!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I called the bakery I used to work at and asked for my boss/owner who verbally berated me for six months for a super complex cake order. After wasting about 30 minutes of her time, I told her I wanted custom lettering on the cake. I then told her I wanted it to say "I reported you to the IRS for payroll tax fraud :)".
They sold their business about three months ago. thesixwalkingfarts
There are surprisingly a lot of moving parts to a catered cake order. You have to find space in your delivery schedule, you have to calculate the materials cost to engineer the structure of the cake so the tier below isn't crushed in transit or just sitting around. You have to make sure there is a two person team.
I ordered a custom french cake known for its many layers with a heavier chocolate and large macaron on top of it. I ordered custom decorations and specific fruit layers (which can ruin the wafer layers if not done properly). At my former employer, you had to coordinate with the american bakers, french bakers, the cookie decorators, the engineer/chocolatier to make a cake like this. thesixwalkingfarts
Conspiracy theories are beliefs that there are covert powers that be changing the course of history for their own benefits. It's how we see the rise of QAnon conspiracies and people storming the capital.
Why do people fall for them? Well some research has looked into the reasons for that.
The Association for Psychological Science published a paper that reviewed some of the research:
"This research suggests that people may be drawn to conspiracy theories when—compared with nonconspiracy explanations—they promise to satisfy important social psychological motives that can be characterized as epistemic (e.g., the desire for understanding, accuracy, and subjective certainty), existential (e.g., the desire for control and security), and social (e.g., the desire to maintain a positive image of the self or group)."
Whatever the motivations may be, we wanted to know which convoluted stories became apart of peoples consciousness enough for them to believe it.
Redditor Lopsided_Confusion57 asked:
"What's the wildest conspiracy theory you fully believe?"
We can't say any of these are true but sometimes it's fun to speculate.
The time traveling cyclist.
"The Australian cyclist Mick Rogers is a time traveler."
"In the 2002 Tour Down Under, Rogers was in a great position in the breakaway and looking to move into the overall race lead but a collision with a motorcycle left his bike out of commission. With the team service car and mechanics way down the road, it looked like Rogers' chances were gone. Then a cycling fan, who just happened to be at that precise point in the road, offered Rogers his bicycle to continue on. The bike also just happened to be the *exact* model of Colnago that Rogers had been riding. It was the correct size, right down to things like the stem and crank lengths. It even had the same pedal system that Rogers was already using, so he could just clip in and be away. He finished that stage and took the race lead, which he held on to all the way to the end for his only career win in his 'home' tour."
"My theory is that in the original timeline, Rogers didn't win the 2002 Tour Down Under. He quit cycling in anger and devoted his life to theoretical physics and solving the problem of time travel just so he could arrange it to leave himself a spare bike where and when he needed it."
"I'm on board for whatever book or screenplay you write."
"Wait, so if Rogers motivation to find ways for time travelling was losing 2002 race, and if he won, then Rogers never found time travelling and our time line is forever devoid of genius like Rogers who would have found time travelling and attended Hawkins party."
"Yep, exactly. Our timeline is stuck with boring old Mick Rogers, 2002 TDU winner and 3x World Time Trial Champion while some other, much cooler, party timeline gets Mick Rogers, the second coming of Einstein. He probably even cures Covid for them."
The best money making stunt.
"Information is leaked from a studio about an upcoming project that p*sses off the fan base. The studio will then change things to keep the fans happy. The conspiracy is the original leak was just a lie to drum up free publicity for the project."
"This made me think of the Sonic movie. No way in hell were they going to make Sonic look that bad. Put out a fake trailer with him lookin all scary, everyone is talking about it. Wala. Take a bit to say you're fixing his look, put out a new trailer. You just drummed up tons of publicity since people are now following the story."
"I have mixed thoughts to that one."
"I mean 'No way in hell were they going to make him look like that.' Buddy have you seen the cash-grab BS that Hollywood has pulled off before? Hell, when was there a movie based off a game that wasn't exactly as bad as that Sonic looked?"
"I will admit that they may have done that as a publicity stunt, but I also admit that they could have thought it looked fine."
"Have you seen … CATS?"
"100% of the population believes that Putin has had people killed for political reasons but only a very small percentage of Americans believe that American politicians would ever do so."
"I mean, there's a reason the joke/saying is, 'The highest award a journalist can receive is being assassinated by the CIA.' There's probably been a handful who may've found out one too many things on the elites, and then had an accident before they could publish their findings."
"Ohhhh boy then south american journalists in the 60s-80s have been awarded way too much."
"MLK was literally murdered by the government."
"Lots of Black Panthers were too."
'"As part of the larger COINTELPRO operation, the FBI was determined to prevent any improvement in the effectiveness of the BPP leadership. The FBI orchestrated an armed raid with the Chicago police and State Attorney on Hampton's Chicago apartment.'"
"Quote from the Wikipedia article on Fred Hampton."
Conspiracies for the conspiracies to cover up the conspiracies.
"The CIA creates conspiracy theories to provide cover for the real conspiracies."
"It's actually kind of scary how smug anti-conspiracy discourse is used to derail actual conversations. A moment that chipped my faith in humanity just a little was when I was arguing with some people about Guatemala in 1954 and people denied my version of events happened 'because it's a conspiracy.'"
"Like no the parties involved admitted to it."
"If you don't know what I'm talking about and are from the USA you should have a google. But, basically the USA destroyed a democracy because it made a corporation sad."
"What's worse is when people will talk about how corrupt insert what politicians they don't like are, but then when you mention something that is actually confirmed to have happened, they pull the conspiracy theory card and act as if the idea people in power don't want to secure further power for themselves."
"We have been conditioned to think like that from since we started school though (I guess that's my submission for this ask post)."
"I think I remember reading about some CIA agents AMA. Someone asked him the question, 'What's the point of area 51?' The answer was, 'To keep your attention away from area 50 and 52.'"
"Obviously not an exact quote, but the idea of it has always stuck with me."
Extinct animals not actually being extinct for preservation.
"I think it is entirely plausible that the Thylacine still exists in the depths of the Australian mainland and the government knows it."
"It wouldn't be that crazy for misguided scientists to have moved or released a few in the late 1800s. Once the animal went extinct, they certainly couldn't reveal the existence of the mainland population lest poachers and local farmers destroy it. They also may have realized how significant the liability was for releasing large predators into farmland."
"Folks have found hair and scat samples that may be from the animal, but the university lab results always come back and say they are nonsense. That's probably the truth, but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if the government was strong-arming them into reporting BS results. TBH if I was a conservation scientist it wouldn't take much convincing for me to fake a negative test."
Robert 'Curt' Borton Jr.
"I believe in a LOT of really boring conspiracies. Stuff like. 'This person was about to expose corporate/government corruption, and then died suspiciously.'"
"But if you want to go for a more intense one, Robert Borton, who I just learnt about, takes the cake. tl;dr guy disappears in Vietnam and really strange sh*T happens to his family."
"This guy, Robert 'Curt' Borton Jr. turns 19 in 1965, he goes to fight in Vietnam. He lands in 1966 and vanishes 19 days into his deployment alongside 3 other soldiers."
"In 1976, two guys approach his dad and claimed to work for the Department of Defense. They asked him to sign a letter that would change his sons status from 'Missing in action' to 'Killed in action' and he refused. Arguing the military would not confront people in public to sign documents. However, in the following weeks he was approached again by these two guys in public places and eventually signed it out of fear. He later received money for doing so."
"His sister then claims that every time they've seen Curt's official files, the entries keep changing, and his sister claims her phone was being wiretapped. A cousin believes that everyone was being watched, claiming that he was followed to work several times and that two men would follow him from his home to his company and then back. After this went on for a month, he decided to confront them, but they denied following him. After that, for about a month, he was not followed."
"The family is convinced Curt was part of a secret government operation that brought him from Vietnam into the United States. Diane believes that he has tried to contact her and other family members on multiple occasions. She claims that she has talked to a man who is a "secret returnee" and that they are allowed to come back to the United States, as long as they do not contact their families. She believes that this was done because the U.S. government had already claimed that all of the living POWs had been brought home; since they were still left behind, they could not become known to the public."
We may never fully know if any of these are true. Given the track record and history of most governments in the world, maybe some of these aren't so far fetched.
Only you can decide what you believe or not.
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I hate ghosts, even if it's Casper. My life is already stressful enough. I don't need to creeped out by spirits from the beyond. Shouldn't they be resting and basking in the glow of the great beyond instead of menacing the rest of us?
The paranormal seems to be consistently in unrest, which sounds like death isn't any more fun or tranquil than life. So much for something to look forward to.
Some ghosts just like to scare it up. It's not always like "Ghosthunters" the show.
Redditor u/Murky-Increase4705 wanted to hear about all the times we've faced some hauntings that left us shook, by asking:
Reddit, what are your creepy encounters with something that you are convinced was paranormal?
I can't definitively say I've come face to face with the spirits. But I have had some unsettling feelings in the dark. Shadows are just shadows sometimes, but who can be sure.
I hear it...Nbc Wings GIF by HULUGiphy
"I was helping my dad clean my grandma's house after she passed and I went in and was trying to find a song in my phone and before I could I heard a cough plain as day come from down the hallway where her room was. She died of lung and throat cancer it was pretty crazy."
"When I was 5 I remember getting home from my grandpa's birthday party. For context my mom was pregnant with my brother at the time, so my parents had already bought his crib. I woke up in the middle of the night to find a women in a white dress and long black hair standing over my brother's crib. I managed to wake up my dad so he could take me to the bathroom. When I got back it was still there. It was only until morning when it disappeared. Every now and then I see a glance of what I assume is that thing running past the backyard."
"My best friend and his wife had moved to a new apartment. I came over to visit a few times, and each time I'd see the motion of a cat in my peripheral vision. Not the image of a cat, but a sense of how a cat moves. Anyway, one day I finally cracked some joke about the ghost cat in the place and his wife was instantly saying "See! See! I told you we had a ghost cat!"
"I worked graveyard shift in a dementia ward for 4 years and it was anything but quiet. I was working with a nurse one night when we both heard a resident say "excuse me." We looked around and no-one was there. I checked on the resident in question and she was fast asleep in her own room. Many of us also experienced someone whistling in the ward late at night and one nurse even managed to catch a video of it happening. It was unnerving to say the least."
"I once saw someone short walk by me in my house. They walked into the laundry room which only has one way in. I walked into it behind them and they where gone. I thought it was my little brother but I went to his room and he was asleep. I still have no clue what that was."
Now was everyone here positive they were sober? Just asking. Those are certainly spooky moments. I'd like some video footage please. Continue...
Reflectionsghost library GIFGiphy
"I was up at 3am when I was maybe 7 or 8. I looked out the window and saw a woman in a white dress run across my yard. I could see through her. She was transparent like the reflections on the window."
"So, my work place is haunted. I was having a really crap day, and as a cleaner, it's normal that me and my co worker will be the only ones left at night. So I was standing on the second floor, leaning on the banister for the stair case, when I heard this male voice say in my ear "you alright?" Clear as day. I turned around so fast and nobody was there and it scared the hell out of me."
"I remember as a young kid I usually use to sit in my bed and watch tv with my room door open while the adjacent guest bedroom next to mine would always have the door shut. I always remember seeing that door fully open and close by itself multiple times a day very slowly and gently. Never really bothered me much now that I think about it… but there were other creepier experiences I had in the same house that made me feel uncomfortable like I was being watched."
"I went to the Betsy Ross House as a really little kid in the early 90s. Normal house but I was confused why the tour guide never talked about the woman on the chair crying at the edge of the bed in Betsy Ross's bedroom. So I asked about it. No one else saw the woman at the edge of the bed. I figured it was just a wax museum since there was a wax statue of a man in uniform rolling bullets in the basement."
"Years later, I was looking at haunted Philadelphia tours to go on with a friend and the Betsy Ross House was on it. I was like "woah! I was there!" and looked into it some more. Turns out there is a woman at the end of the bed crying and a uniformed man in the basement that people have reported seeing. There is no way that 8 year old me would have known about either of these things."
hello kitty...hello kitty lol GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphy
"I had this hello kitty Balloon In my bed room, it had a string and weight on it. So it was late, I had the lights on just Sitting on my bed. The Balloon turns, faces my door, slowly floats into my hallway and turns and floats into my sister's room. To this day I am scared of balloons."
They are among us and they like Hello Kitty. I'm probably rattling the paranormal cages and they'll come for me next, but I'm ready. I feel like this thread has prepared me.
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The past year brought about much anxiety and it's been a challenge to find the light in what has felt like perpetual darkness.
"What gives you genuine happiness?"
Food brings people together, and that combination brings much happiness for these Redditors.
"Plenty of my favorite food eaten together with fam."
"Harvesting fruits/veggies from plants which I grew myself and then gifting the harvest to others. I love to grow blueberries and hope I will have lots next year."
Compliments To The Chef
"Seeing people enjoy food that I cooked, especially seeing my fiancee smile while she eats my from-scratch chocolate chip cookies."
The Little Things
"It's difficult to tell the difference between genuine happiness and enough distraction. Food, like video games or playing the piano, makes me joyful while I'm eating it. I believe that the things that make me truly happy are the ones that happen infrequently, if at all, and are beyond of my control, such as being complimented or receiving physical contact."
Being alone with our thoughts can be comforting.
Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Being outside with no people around. Live in a city and I get up super early and just walk around before everyone else is out. Best part of my day."
In Between Consciousness
"I think it may be the only time I am ever genuinely happy when I am in that state of going to sleep where I think, but at the same time I am neither asleep nor awake. It feels like I am entirely detached from the physical world; free of fear, and pain."
"Don't try heroin."
"I've noticed that some things can make you so happy that they make you happy before (anticipation) and after (reminiscing) you've done them."
Being with loved ones, both humans and pets, can be the very definition of happiness.
"Weekend mornings sitting on the couch curled up with my husband and cat, both of us reading a book. It feels like quality time even though we aren't talking. Just a lot of peace."
"Your comment made me imagine a cat sitting on a couch, reading a book, wearing reading glasses and that made me really happy."
Hide And Seek
"Watching my cat get stuck somewhere stupid, then yelling for help. The best place so far was in a cabinet over the stove."
Our Inner Comedian
"When I manage to make my friends day by making them laugh. I honestly get so happy when they are happy."
What Brings Joy To Others
"I really love to hear about other people's hobbies/passions/interests. It never fails to make me smile."
"Equally, my hobbies/passions/interests make me happy."
I'm a kid at heart.
So it's not surprising that going to a Disney park as an adult brings out the inner kid in me.
Having grown up in Southern California, I get nostalgic about all my trips to Disneyland with my family and friends.
Eventually, I got a job there in entertainment, where I've made lifelong friends and grew as a performer.
My glee quadruples when I bring friends who've never been to a Disney park before and I see the excitement on their faces.
And what brings me pure joy is hearing from these first-time visitors that, after a long day of running around for 12+ hours, they tell me they had the "best day ever."
Walt, you did a good thing.
A lot of talk going on about women's bodies, isn't there?
Not necessarily with women front and center as part of the conversation, unfortunately.
One of the main talking points against these bans and laws being placed on women's bodies is the idea that it would never happen to a man. "If men could get pregnant, there'd be free abortions tomorrow," is a slogan thrown around quite a bit online. Is that true?
Let's ask them.
Men of Reddit, would you take a male contraceptive pill if it was readily available? Why/Why not?
Genuinely, you might find yourself surprised at how many men are willing and ready to do their part in controlling what goes on during contraception.
Click, Click...No Boom.
"Yes. Makes more sense to unload the gun than shoot at a bulletproof vest."
"Without a doubt. I hate the idea of a vasectomy...nervous about the procedure. But I'd 100% take a male contraceptive pill"
Both Parties Are Making A Choice
"Yes. I world prefer both genders have birth control and that both are actively using it to give the best possible chance of no accidental pregnancies."
What Have Women Been Going Through?
"Honestly I would because I hate the fact how it f-cks with my girlfriend's body. And I rather deal with it than her"
"Absolutely ruins my day when I think about what a hormonal disaster the implant has been for her. It doesn't even bother her that much, but why should she have to deal with any of it at all? Saving up for a vasectomy so it can all just be done with."
Some men are not for a male contraceptive.
Hear them out.
"Think I'd probably still rely on rubbers. Shooting a load without one and relying on it being blanks... I'd be too paranoid about it"
"Rubbers will still help against things OTHER than pregnancy too - so, wearing them is still a good idea"
Wait, What Day Of The Week Is It?
"Oh yes 100%. The only reason I'd be hesitant is i'm very likely to forget"
"Yeah my ex couldn't even remember to buy condoms so not sure I would trust him with a pill. I also wouldn't trust myself with it either, hence the condoms :D"
What's It Doing To Me?
"If it had the same side-effect as the female one and affected my mood or my libido? F-ck no."
"Not all methods have that effect on women. There are literally hundreds of contraception, it's finding the best one for your body."
"I imagine that if men were taking contraception there would be triple the research into making sure you guys were A-OK"
It's All In The Conversation
"Personally, I wouldn't take it. The pill messes with your hormones and that's why I don't expect a woman to take it and also, that's why I don't want to take it."
"If she does, because she wants to - ok. If she doesn't, because she doesn't want to - ok, too."
"If I happen to hook up with someone, I'll wear a condom, because pregnancy isn't the only thing to prevent."
"If I am in a relationship and my gf tells me that she doesn't want to take the pill (anymore), I don't have any right to argue with her and that's why I'll wear a condom."
"I don't care if it "doesn't feel so good" - for me, the best thing about sex is the shared intimacy."
However, really, it's the man in all of us that wouldn't mind shouldering some responsibility in the child-baring years of our lives. Cheers to that.
So Long As It's A Unity Effort
"Yes, I have this theory that every man's phone alarm would go off at the same time at the bar, and we would raise our bc pill in the air to cheers all taking it at the same time"
Why Make Them Do Something You're Not Willing To Do?
"Abso-f-cking-lutely YES a million times yes!!!"
"Straight away, it would be a d*ck move if I expected my girlfriend to take stuff if I'm not willing to"
...Is That Pun Or...?
"Yes! My wife has been carrying the burden of birth control for 11 years now. Lots of pain, discomfort and other effects over the years, its time men can share the load."
We won't know what the future brings. Science at this point makes it feel like anything is possible, so in the next century? Who can say?
Be ready, men. It's our turn, next.
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