Karens are ruthless. They will stop at nothing until they get their way.
And they do not care who they embarrass. Their children, themselves--anybody. They will rampage and rant and rave all the live-long day all while maintaining that they are right and that they are entitled to be right.
But children are watching. Children will listen.
u/carsitelli2000 asked:
"Children of Karen's, what is it like seeing your mom have a "Karen moment"? Are you on her side? Do you speak out? Are you ashamed? Do you apologize for her?"
Here were some of those answers.
Nightmare Mom
GiphyIt always ashamed the hell out of me. My mom would never leave a store happy and never ordered anything from a restaurant she didn't send back at least once. Going places with her was a nightmare, but in a way she taught me how to act by showing me what I didn't want to look like.
Forgive Me Father
My dad is a Karen, and I feel so awful (and embarrassed) for the poor people that had to suffer the wrath of his unjustified anger. I don't speak up to him because I'm freaking terrified myself, but I do apologize to the person later when I get the chance on his behalf and ask what I can do to make up for it. Pretty much everyone has said it's fine and they experience it every now and then :((.
Not Today Mom
My mom was a full Karen before we had a word for it. One time she picked me up from school and took me too McDonald's and said "look at all these "N-word people just standing around" and I'm like "dude you've met them.... Kevin is my math tutor....".
YOU'RE Fired Karen
My mum was a Karen. She actually used to pride herself in the ability to make customer service staff cry. it got to the point where i used to go back and give apologies to the staff after. She got people fired and used to joke "if they can't take the heat, don't do the job."
Last Time
GiphyLast time we ate out, Mom was really demanding. I apologized to the waitress and tried to give her an extra tip while mom was in the bathroom. She refused and said Dad is a really generous tipper. I assume he's been covering for her all along.
No Excuse YOU!
My dad's a Karen. He literally almost made a waitress at chilis cry. I just mouthed sorry to her and wanted to sink in my chair and die.
I think my dad has finally stopped doing this, but when I was a kid, he would actually do the 'hey buddy' finger snap to get the waitress's attention. Occasionally accompanied by yelling across the room, 'EXCUSE ME, my glass is empty!"
Victims
My late ex husband was a Karen. I just looked away or stared at the floor when he would start in with the store clerk or the bank teller. There was nothing I could do and I didn't dare call him on his behavior because I didn't want him to escalate his abuse toward me. Occasionally if I thought he wouldn't see it I would mouth "sorry" at his victim.
Toxic
I tell her she's embarrassing me, then she doubles down on it and starts arguing with me, I start arguing back, it becomes even more embarrassing, she makes sure to say something that will mess me up loud enough to be heard and then calls me insane and overly sensitive when I get up and leave or stop talking to her. But I don't apologize to other people on her behalf.
Hobby Time
My personal hobby when I was younger and had less to lose was when I saw someone behaving like this (berating an employee, especially a teenager who is helpless), I 'accidentally' stumbled and fell into them. I'm 6'2". Then I yelled off into the distance at no one and told them to watch out. I apologized to the Karen and quickly walk away. My friends told me the Karen always stopped being a prick after that.
Karens Away
My mom is not a Karen however her name is Karen. She doesn't seem bothered by the name meme but my dad was very confused. He asked what a Karen was and got very defensive of her and does not support the term. It was sweet to see him get riled up to defend her. But honestly, Karens can be the worst.
Bye...
GiphyI stopped speaking out, it is pointless. It's like talking to a wall. Usually I just turn or walk away, like i don't know her.
Accepted Fate
My mom isn't the most extreme Karen, but she has had a history of giving retail workers a hard time over a promotion or a sale price or what have you. She's not bad at restaurants, but she will sometimes insist on me sending something back even when I say it's fine.
I'm usually pretty embarrassed, and I've turned out opposite of that, maybe to the extreme? I will just quietly accept my fate if my steak isn't cooked how I want it, or a sale price isn't quite what it should have been.
Demi-Karen....
My mother is a demi-Karen. It really depends on the person she talks to. Unusually many rage episodes with people of foreign backgrounds for small insignificant details, so yeah... Anywho, I grew up just not understanding her, thinking she was being unreasonable and cruel. Scolding people for not having your favorite cheese in the store? Get a hold on yourself.
Now, I confront her in the shop during a fit. I am dead @ss tired of seeing a woman of 53 acting like a toddler. It usually goes something like this, let's keep the cheese example:
"YOU ARE A DISGRACE! I HAVE SHOPPED HERE FOR YEARS etc etc"
"Mom, they are trying to help, they don't have your type of cheese, shut up and let's go to another store"
I am usually super tired and all of these... Fits and rages over nothing is just unbearable.
And no, we are not Americans, we are Norwegians where nearly anyone acts like this.
Pissed.
My dad is the Karen not my mom. He throws a fit when he doesn't get what he wants. Usually at restaurants.
Food is too slow? Pissed.
He doesn't like his sandwich? Pissed.
The tv in the restaurant has the news when he wants football on? Pissed.
I don't do anything but it's so embarrassing watching him yell at the poor staff. Like for damn sale just stop it man.
"just curious."
I haven't spoken to her in a few years, but my mom is the variety who likes to quiz service employees about their jobs. Not that she knows anything about it, but she'd ask too many questions under the guise of being "just curious." It was like she was evaluating the expertise of this person and whether or not they deserved to serve her. I was always really embarrassed (I worked retail for most of my life), so I would generally slip in an apology under my breath. I didn't confront her because I was scared poopless of her.
At Perkins.
Probably the one time my dad just about cursed out a server at 1am at a freaking Perkins . My dad acted like a complete butthole and i just put my head down. Second time my dad acted like an butthole I was 19 on a road trip . My dad insisted we walk after ordering a coke and the dude forgetting to ring in our order. On that occasion i wrote a paragraph review praising the server and apologizing for my father being a jackoff.
Low Contact Save
I'm pretty low contact with her, I would stop talking to her altogether if my sister didn't live with her. But she'll abuse my sister to get to me so I maintain a positive relationship with her. Which just means I have to do what she says.
Whenever she had a Karen moment, I would get really embarrassed and stare at the ground. Sometimes she would use me to get what she wanted. I don't know many times she made up a disability for me in order for her to act super entitled. Sometimes that stuff wouldn't fly and she would go nuts.
I wish I could say I never defended her but it's not true. If wasn't on her side it meant I got punished when we got home.
The Sister
My sister is a Karen. I literally watched her yell at an ice cream man because he was late to their neighborhood. What's sad is everyone can see how proud she is of herself, but she can't see that all of the rest of us are so embarrassed for her.
She probably gets it from Grandma.
My mom has gotten a lot better at not going off on people these days, possibly due to my best friend working in food service (she hears a lot of tales of people complaining about things out of their control). While she still believes each individual employee represents the company as a whole a therefore should be able to make amends when she feels wronged, she backs off quicker now and I kind of know how to calm her down. Growing up I could never understand arguing with someone until you get what you want instead of going somewhere else that would just give it to anyway. She probably gets it from Grandma.
"look, I'm not like them"
GiphyI end up over-tipping most of the time to try and make some amends for my family's behavior (I have one Karen and two whatever male Karens are). And where I'd maybe normally be quiet and keep to myself if I was alone, and just be nice when I had to speak to people, like to pay the bill or whatever, I end up having to be proactively and overly nice to try and compensate. There's an element of "look, I'm not like them" to it too.
And yeah, I have had to apologize many times for their behavior as well as calling them out on it at the actual moment of Karen-Ness. I'm older though so have the courage to tell my family to shut up. When I was a kid I just used to be scared that we'd get our food spat in or that the folks on the receiving end would be as horrible back, and I'd end up wanting to disappear. QuokkaMocha
Never No.
My Dad. He can be the "corporate executive that doesn't take no for an answer" kinda guy.
Sometimes it works out like a good cop bad cop situation.
He can be an butthole but I'll just come in at the end and just emphasize with the person and it usually works out.
Justified
I've seen my mum Karen twice but tbh they were both justified.
We were reenrolling in high school. The reception had one window open to process the papers. There was 200 kids in my year level. We also had time blocks we had to come in to reenroll in. So Mum drives me in and waits in the carpark. 1.5 hours later she comes in wondering where I was. All I had to do was get some paper stamped. Whelp the school's reception was on lunch break leaving no one to process the papers EVEN THOUGH IT WAS OUR ASSIGNED TIME. The line was 400 people long now. She absolutely cracks it at the receptionists and makes them open all 4 windows to process the paper work. The next year we had a week to drop off the paperwork. None of these assigned time crap.
Smoke it Out
My dad had a Karen phase for a while but it only came out when we were at restaurants, for some reason. He would berate the waitress (it was always a waitress, never a waiter) about his food not being the way he ordered, despite not having ordering it like that.
I tried to tell him he can't talk to people that way and to apologize to the waitresses on his behalf, but he didn't really listen to me since I was a teenager.
My solution was to offer to let him go have a smoke in the parking lot and leave me his card so I could pay the bill at the same time. He almost always accepted since he's a pretty heavy smoker.
I hopes those waitresses enjoyed their 30% tips.
Roll Film
To those who are just eating up these Karen stories, I recommend https://notalwaysright.com/. Stories of terrible customers, employees, bosses, etc.
The Shame
GiphyMy mom recently yelled at a pharmacist at a medicine pick up window and said everyone there was going to h*LL I did the same thing I always did in these situations. I got super ashamed of it's at a restaurant, gas station etc, I'll say sorry to the worker after my mom storms out it's honestly supper annoying and when we get home she complains for HOURS about it. I just get super ashamed my grandma and aunt are like this too. My grand Mac is worse she once demanded at a very fancy restaurant that she speak to the manager and get a full refund on the bill over $100 because they forgot ketchup on her burger. i hope I never act like them. Anyway I apologize to any worker who's had to deal with them or any Karens.
No Coffee for You
I remember my mom having a Karen moment. She was ordering a coffee from McDonald's (think you already know where this is going) we waited till we we're next to pick up are food which took about 40 mins. My mom was starting to get impatient. Then when it was our turn at the window, the employee (who looked about 18) told my mom "I'm sorry ma'am but are coffee Machine is not working at the moment..." Then I saw my mom's face getting red. I already knew that I was about to witness a homicide.
My mom said "Well why didn't you tell me when I was first ordering? I got places to be you know! I waiting for almost an hour to get my food! Where's your Manager? Because this is unbelievable!" Mean while I was sitting in the passenger seat next to her covering my face. I felt really bad for the employee. I'll spare you the details. The argument lasted for about an hour.
Gaslighter....
She wasn't around when it happened. When I was maybe 21 or so I was staying for a bit in my parent's second house by myself during a snowy winter. I was trying to negotiate with a plow driver to plow the driveway when he told me he wouldn't do it because he had heard from other plow drivers that the lady who owned our house was a crazy witch who made unrealistic demands. I knew exactly what he meant and stopped calling plow companies. I already knew, despite the gaslighting of my childhood, that she had unchecked narcissism, but that was the first time I realized everyone else knew too. It was a weird acceptance.
Carin
My mom is named Carin and she fits it 80% of the time. She's gotten so many free things from complaints and comments. She can be so embarrassing.
A few weeks ago she had a Karen moment but in a great way. We were taking a walk with my husband and our kids and we heard screaming and a baby crying. A man was threatening a woman and was yelling "look what you're doing to the baby." My mother didn't hesitate. She walked up to the front porch and said "is there a problem?" My mother stood up to a 250lb man. She actually went into the house, pushed him out, held the baby, and calmed the situation down. My husband was there but said he was her back up.
I called the police. As she was talking to the police the man started yelling. She turned around and said "i am speaking. You need to sit down now" and waited for him to sit back down. Of course the police gave her the speech about how she shouldn't have gotten involved and called them but she went right back and said she isn't afraid of anyone and the child came first. She's a tough one.
Mega Karen
My Mum is a mega Karen. While she doesn't yell at staff so much she's such a passive aggressive witch that it's just as humiliating for people. I spent my childhood embarrassed by her. She would have no problem in humiliating us kids in public either, like screaming and screeching. Now I just tell her to shut the hell up and I embarrass her as much as she had embarrassed me over the years. It only took a few times and now she doesn't do it when I'm in public with her. She watches what she says. That's what relatives of Karen's need to do. Call them on their bullshit and humiliate them in public. That's the only thing that will stop them. That's their kryptonite.
Bad Rep.
GiphyUsually, I'm not on her side. Especially when she's rude to waiters or workers. It's pretty embarrassing and even though I love her, my brother and I are always so humiliated. My mom doesn't like all the bad rep "Karen's" get, so whenever she gets Starbucks or something like that she always says a random name when they ask for it. She then proceeds to post about it on Facebook without realizing that is the most "Karen" thing she could possibly do.
%3-%5....
My biological Karen demands bi-weekly to monthly food and entertainment tribute to maintain the fragile family ceasefire, but she insist on taking turns paying the bill so she can choose to pay at the cheap places and stick me at a fancy restaurant. Regardless she always tips %3-%5 average.
At all restaurants I excuse myself to use the "restroom" intercept the server and hand them a fair tip based on what I think our meal might be. I apologize in advance and warn them my mother is a "difficult" customer. They all get it, and seem to appreciate the heads up instead of the unexpected angry customer blowing up in their faces like a grenade.
Before the lockdown I used to regularly take my mother to one sentimental cheap diner specifically because the waitress loves me and spits in my moms food.
Look Away
My mom would ignore people in stores who greeted her. She would wave her hand high over her head to get the attention of a server. Complains about everyone and everything. It's embarrassing. I've grown up overcompensating for her rudeness.
Not My Kid.
I just walk away and don't say anything until she's done doing her Karen thing. Then I walk out of wherever we are before she does so if I'm seen with her it's kinda easy to do buy. Also sometimes she sees me walking away from her and then when we get home she yells at my dad for me being his child when I'm both of theirs. I just like to avoid every situation I can. So in all I do nothing and try not to let people know she's my mom.
Queen of Hearts
GiphyMy mom is a Karen. As a kid I referred to her as the Queen of Hearts because she was always like, "off with their heads!!" I stopped talking to her the second I was financially able to leave her (around age 19). I've been in hospitality and customer service my whole life because I am so used to dealing with Karens. I handle it well since my mom was one 24/7. When she had her moments in public growing up, it was incredibly embarrassing. I'd usually roll my eyes and make faces that portrayed that this is something she did a lot and we were sick of it as well.
Sometimes I'd apologize. Sometimes, people would apologize to me, like "sorry your mom is a witch" kinda thing which meant a lot- that they knew they only had to deal with her for a few minutes and I had to deal with her my whole life.
When I deal with Karens at work now, sometimes their kids will do that to me. Full circle. That kinda eye lowered whisper, "sorry about them" thing and I always give them back that knowing head shake, like "it's all good- I'm sorry you have to deal with that!" If you know, you know.
A MELTDOWN
It was terrible. Once I was old enough to understand what she was doing, I would get so embarrassed. As a teenager, I began apologizing for her. The worst one was when she took me to the doctor and argued over the payment. We didn't have insurance at that time, so the doctor was giving us a discount. Well, one visit they notified her that the price had gone up and she had A MELTDOWN.
She yelled at the poor girl at the desk for like five minutes before she stormed out. I was crying, because not only was I incredibly ashamed to be related to her, but as a depressed teen I felt like I had just learned exactly how much I was worth to my mom ($25... this was in the 90s). In tears, I apologized to the girl at the desk and slunk out. That one has always stuck in my head.
Snapped.
My mom had a Karen moment once. I don't even remember what it was about, I just know that she had a crap ton of problems at that moment, and something the cashier said had pissed her off, and she snapped at her and said something rude. I quickly said "sorry" to the cashier and went after my mom. I still feel bad for that poor cashier.
Being Small
Oh God, yeah. This is definitely something that applies to me.
I used to just make myself as small as possible and ignore it because she scared the hell outta me (she wasn't abusive, I was just a really timid kid). Now that I'm an adult I've started calling her on it. Usually it doesn't help but at least she knows I'm not just gonna stand by and let her scream at everyone that looks at her.
A recent incident was actually the first time I apologized to them afterwards. We were going to a doctor's appointment and went to the wrong building so she started yelling at the poor lady at the check in desk thing. In a crowded waiting room. It was awful. I stayed behind for a minute after she left and apologized to the lady, she looked like she was gonna cry and I felt SO bad.
Dial Up
GiphyMy mom is half a Karen and I'm ashamed when she's having a Karen moment. I go as far as walking away from her and looking at my phone.
God Help You
My mom isn't usually a Karen, but I was reading through some old blog posts I made 5 years ago and came across one where I wrote that she yelled at a McDonald's manager because the soda he gave her spilled in her Prius. It was a 2-year-old new car at the time and God help your soul if it gets dirty on the inside in any way.
I had just come out of surgery at the time and was on my way home, still drugged up. But I have a faint memory of it.
She's nicer now for the most part.
Wasted Time
GiphyWe're no longer in contact, but for one of my birthdays we went out for breakfast (after TONS of begging from me; I let her choose the place and everything). Waitress forgot something for my food and my mom went OFF on her.
I snuck the waitress my birthday money (all $20 of it) as a tip. The food was great, and all she forgot was a few strawberries. The pancakes were wonderful with or without them. My mom figured I 'wasted' my birthday money somewhere else.
Karen Intensifies
I used to hide under the counter as a child. I was so embarrassed and afraid. As a teenager I would hang back and leave the store after her, and apologize to anyone she was rude to. Now I call her on it, and tell her that I'll take care of whatever the issue is. Most of the time it's just a misunderstanding and can be sorted out without screaming.
Paying It Forward
My mom isn't exactly a "Karen", but she does tend to complain when something is expensive. Like vocally, to the person who's working. Poor employees are just doing their jobs, they don't control the price of a bowl of pasta. I usually just keep quiet and say something afterwards, but I make sure to tip the worker if I can or at least offer an apologetic look
Other People Shouldn't Have To Apologize For You, Karen
My mother-in-law learned to be a Karen from her (now late) mother, who was a mega-Karen. They bragged about being able to get any meal for free, and it never failed when I went out with them- the waitstaff was put through the wringer. The food was cold, the salad dressing wasn't on the side, "this isn't what I ordered" even though it was- and they would berate the poor server for what was a perfectly good meal and service.
She once canceled my husband's dentist appointment behind his back and didn't tell him, causing a whole mess of confusion and difficulty at the office. She ended up screaming at the young lady working at the front desk (who is a family friend!) and making her cry right then and there. It was awful.
My husband has always gone behind her to apologize, even since childhood. The people are understanding that it isn't his fault, but that doesn't make the treatment they get okay :/
Queen Supreme Karen
GiphyMy mother has borderline personality disorder and a pain pill addiction. She is a miserable, toxic person. And I almost let her ruin my life once upon a time. She's the Queen of the Karens.
She really messed me up mentally and emotionally, and it bred this sense of entitlement in myself, well into my early twenties before I even realized that I was being a complete tool. I always thought of myself as a generally nice person. And I was, until I didn't get my way. Just like her. I'm very, horribly ashamed to admit all this.
So the answer to these questions are a mixed bag. I used to defend her and even join her side. She taught me that I shouldn't be ashamed if there are looks over how we acted, because the looks and judgment were directed at the people/workers/managers etc that denied us <insert trivial demand here>. She was and is delusional af. And she deluded me from a very young age. I am now 30 years old, and I'm still recouping from the toxicity she instilled in the roots of who I am. It's even contributed to other issues, and it's ruined relationships. I have such deep anger issues and I'm still working to resolve them in therapy to this day.
Yes, I am very ashamed. Ashamed of my mother. Ashamed of who I used to be. Ashamed that those impulses and instincts are even still there, as it worries me that they may never go away completely. But I'm committed to working hard to always fight those feelings when they come up. But most of all, I'm ashamed of the journey my life has taken, but therapy and support give me hope. And there's a certain self forgiveness in that, which I hope to achieve one day.
In short, I can't say all Karens have the same issues that my mother, Queen Supreme Karen, has; I can say that I don't wish the life of being the child of any kind of Karen minion on even my worst enemy. It's psychologically destructive, and can destroy your morals in the process. It's a miserable life, and it's easy to allow it to consume you if you don't get it under control.
Don't Feed The Karens
Friend is a child of a Karen
She was apologizing to everyone in a grocery store when her mom was checking out with a box of soda cans, and the bagger punched out the handles on it so she could carry it, and she said "mm no you ruined it go get me another." And everyone was waiting for them and he actually had to lol
It gave her a philosophy on Karens- don't give them what they want when they throw a fit that makes them BOLDER.
Learning How Not To Act
My aunt is the one who is a Karen, and I spent most of my times with her. Everytime she had her Karen moment, I always said sorry to the people right after she left, gave extra tips and all that without her knowing. I'm not even embarrassed or anything more like annoyed bc I know it's hard for her to change her personality and everything, I'm lucky that at least she's willing to listen to me when I told her that her behaviors are wrong and rude, she always told me "I'm teaching them something didn't I?
I'm helping them in a way" and well it's hard when she only listen and never actually changed.
I speak out once, and she gave me the look, and lecture me after it happened, of course I listened to her and just nod, to calm her off. But later I tried to talk to her about how bad her behavior earlier is, sometimes she realized it sometimes she doesn't. I'm so sorry for those people who get yelled at by my aunt. Thank god I'm not like her.
What Are Male Karens? Dougs?
My dad's the Karen in the family, and it's kind of horrifying. The last time we went on vacation together he freaked out at the clerk at this one hotel, I can't even remember what it was about, but I think she ended up giving in to him just to get him way from her. The rest of us were all switching between taking our turn asking him to stop and looking at the ground in shame. But the kicker is that after I got to my room I realized I had to go back down to get laundry detergent from her. She was still visibly upset, I just tried to finish the interaction as fast as possible.
Discounts For Karens
My mom's obsessed with getting discounts. She's called over managers and argued with staff when they wouldn't accept her coupon. I've told her to just forget about the discount, but she always just tells me to wait. This happens a lot at Chilis because of the automated kiosk and all the different types of discounts. I can tell that the staff are annoyed, but they have to pretend to be happy.
Voted Out
Last year, I was in my mother's car as she was pulling up to her house in a cul-de-sac when she noticed an Apple Maps van driving by. She quickly jumped out (far more quickly than she is usually capable of) and began berating the driver with expletives, calling him a wanker and shouting at him to f**k off. I asked her to calm down and let her know that her behaviour was utterly disgraceful and that I was embarrassed by it. She didn't show any signs of remorse, she believes that them taking photos of the street is an unacceptable invasion of privacy.
It's not the first or last time she'll do something like that, but I never let her get away with it if she is treating others unfairly.
She also voted for Brexit, that's pretty Karen-y in its own way (especially given her reasons for doing so - my favourite one was that she can't seem to find a similar variety of apples that she could when she was a child, and blames the EU).
Karen Moments, Karen Life
GiphyMy mom used to be someone amazing, but some years ago she met her now husband who really fit in the role of Karen's husband. Since then she changed a lot, she isn't a fully evolved Karen but she's getting there.
She doesn't have TV anymore and live far from the city. Her only source of news is the 24/7 news channel my stepfather watch on his computer. This channel is widely known in my country for being the type that only show terrible thing or normal things but presented in a terrible way in order to gain audience. So her view on the world is... well, its wrong.
When she has Karen moments i often offer to deal with the people myself or most of the time just tell her she's wrong factually and morally.
She isn't a really smart person, and believe i am that type of person, so she usually trust me (after some arguing most of the time). She has faith in me and like me a lot so it's pretty easy for me to make her understand, sadly i went to live far away and she doesn't have the same feelings for my sister, so most of the time nobody can do anything about it.
Parents play an important and unparalleled role in the lives of their kids. But even this special relationship has its limits. There are certain parts of many kids’ lives that, for one reason or another, they choose to keep completely separate from their relationships with their parents. These secrets can be anything from harmless little guilty pleasures to absolutely scandalous and horrifying behaviors. Don’t believe me? Here are 50 stories of secrets that will make any parent stop and wonder what their kids are really up to when they’re not around.
You’ve Got A Friend In Me
woman holding kid at the streetPhoto by Sai De Silva on UnsplashMy mother has always wondered why I didn't have too many friends back in high school. The real reason is a secret that I would never want her to know about. It is because, growing up, my family was always broke and I knew that she was struggling financially. So, in order to avoid anyone seeing how we lived, I always refused anytime people from school wanted to do things with me or have get-togethers at my house.
To make matters even worse, I decided during my senior year that I did not want to burden my mother by asking for money when I needed to buy things. As a result, I started working as much as I could outside of school. This gave me even less time to make friends. I would never want my mother to find out about this, and I would never want her to feel guilty or blame herself for my lack of social life as a child.
Always Remember Where You Came From
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is the truth about my location for the past 25 years. They have no idea where I have been living that entire time, and I want to keep it that way. It’s a long story, but I have now spent more than half of my life going out of my way to make sure that they never suspect the true location of my residence.
No More Pomp And Circumstance
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I knowingly recorded one of my favorite movies over the video tape of my sister's high school graduation. It was the only copy of that ceremony that we had, so we will never be able to look back on that memory again. Luckily, it's been about 18 years since I did this, and no one has noticed yet. Nevertheless, I still feel really bad about it.
An Unwanted Gamble
If my mom ever found out, she’d never forgive herself. The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is the fact that my cousins used to repeatedly take physical advantage of me when I was a kid. Throughout my childhood, my mom would regularly leave me at their house for hours at a time so that she could go to the casino and play her favorite games. If she knew what had taken place while she was away on those casino trips, she’d be horrified.
Handling Things On Your Own
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is the fact that I was falsely accused of violently attacking someone when I was 17 years old. I am legally considered an adult in Texas, so the authorities didn’t have to tell them. A detective actually confiscated my cell phone for an entire school day to verify the veracity of the text messages proving that the encounter was consensual.
The whole thing was a really scary experience and a really weird time in my life. I had to deal with the fallout at school, as well as the challenges of not telling my parents about it.
Moving On
persons hand on white surfacePhoto by Ruthson Zimmerman on UnsplashThe secret that I keep from my parents is that I’m not straight. Me and opposite gender fiancé don’t consider it cheating as long as whatever I do is with someone of the same gender, and as long as we inform each other prior. I hate my parents and can’t wait to leave. I don’t trust them to take my feelings seriously if I come clean to them about this secret.
The only reason I’m getting mentally healthier nowadays is that my therapist and fiancé have worked hard to help me learn that some things can’t be fixed and need to be thrown away, in this case, my relationship with my parents. My doctor is very excited about me becoming mentally stable enough to care for myself so that I can pursue university in a place where they are not around.
There’s just one thing that makes me want to stay—and breaks my heart. My 11-year-old sister trusts me more than she trusts them, and one time she cried asking me not to leave because she didn’t want to be left there alone with our parents. She’s been showing very obvious symptoms of anxiety and depression due to being bullied at school for the past few months. I want to help her, but my mom keeps getting in the way.
When I say anything about the situation to her, she quickly shuts me by saying “She probably did something wrong and that’s why she’s scared". I can’t do anything because I’m not her legal guardian, so I’ve been trying to teach her grounding techniques. I tell her the things that work for me other than my meds.
Money Makes The World Go Round
The secret that I choose to keep hidden from my parents is that I make a lot more money than I let on. My parents have always been and always will be the "I took care of you all your life, time for you to pay it back" type of parents. Except as far as they’re concerned, there is no end to this "debt" that I allegedly owe them. So, I just hide money from them so that they can't take advantage of me.
Swiper, No Swiping!
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I once swiped some money from them in order to buy a bunch of illicit substances that they would never approve of me using. I regret it to this day. It was a horrible thing for me to do. My lazy self should have just listened to their good advice and gotten a job instead of getting myself into that kind of bad behavior.
Blame Canada For This One!
The secret that I have always kept hidden from my parents is that, for my entire childhood, I used to frequently watch South Park on TV when they thought I was sleeping at night. Not only would they have been angry at me for staying up past my bedtime, but this was also a show that my parents considered inappropriate and would never have knowingly allowed me to watch.
I guess this explains why I was always tired as a kid!
Thrown In The Slammer
My mother has no idea that I have been locked up twice—but that’s not the worst part. One of those times, I was in there with my father. He has been just as adamant as I have been in refusing to tell her about what happened. I don’t plan on ever letting her find out that we were there. I don’t think she would be too happy about it if she found out...
An Untarnished Academic Record?
man in black jacket sitting on chairPhoto by christopher catbagan on UnsplashThe secret that I keep hidden from my parents is the fact that I became extremely depressed during my first year of university and nearly failed out of school because I couldn't handle the pressure. In their eyes, I am a model student and the farthest thing possible from someone who would have ever come close to failing academically. Little do they know…
A Family Man
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I recently got someone pregnant and I'm pretty sure she kept the baby. She never told me officially, so I honestly don’t even know if I have a child. If my parents found out about this, they would be horrified. It would totally go against all of their deeply-held values, not to mention it would shatter their impression of me as a person.
Sister Act
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that my sister is a lesbian. She openly admits it to everyone she knows, except for our family. She eventually opened up to me about it, but both my parents and our older brother still know nothing about it. Since then, she and I have become a lot closer to one another than we were when we were growing up.
Does Not Compute
When I was around 14 years old, I once overheard my parents arguing with one another. My mom was yelling at my dad about some inappropriate adult searches that she had found on their computer’s internet history. But I knew the dark truth It was really me that was going on the computer in their room without permission and watching adult videos. But I chose to keep that a secret and say nothing as they argued.
Needless to say, my silence meant that my mom blamed my dad for the searches. He kept adamantly denying it, and she kept calling him a liar. As a result of this whole ordeal, he had to sleep in the guest bedroom for an entire month after that fight. The secret truth was never revealed, and hopefully, it never will be…
Not Very Sweet Emotion
They knew I had a nervous breakdown during my freshman year of high school and they knew that I went through a very dark phase at the age of 15. However, they didn’t know the heartbreaking reason why. I was attacked and taken advantage of as a kid, and I wanted to take my own life for many years afterward as a result of the incident.
Nothing Of Substance
woman in blue denim jacketPhoto by Naomi Suzuki on UnsplashMy parents have no idea that I have ever used a single bad substance. In reality, the first time I ever got high, it was right under their noses. I was with one of my best friends. We were at my house and my parents were at home. I made sure we stayed mostly upstairs and we tried our best to be quiet. Things were going fine until I started seeing colors all around us.
I started to hallucinate and I thought the colors were fighting each other. At a certain point, I just started laying there on my bed because I was no longer enjoying the experience. I literally felt like I couldn’t move. Everything felt numb. She kept trying to do intimate stuff with me and I kept saying I wasn’t interested. I ended up not knowing whether it was real life or not anymore.
My parents would kill me if they ever found out that I had done that, especially in their own home. I hated having to act like everything was just okay and normal afterward while I was still feeling physically and emotionally confused. They spent years trying to instill in me that playing around with substances was a bad idea, and I went against their wishes. I feel awful about it and can never let them find out.
Following Doctor’s Orders, In Private
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I always suspected that I suffered from some kind of mental health struggle, and I now know this to be the case thanks to a doctor I have secretly been seeing. As far as my parents know, there is nothing wrong with my mental or emotional health whatsoever.
For The Love Of All That Is Holy!
My parents are very devout members of a strict religious sect, and they raised me to be the same way. Members of this sect believe that their church is the only true church on Earth, and so it is very important to members that all their loved ones remain believers. My secret from my parents is that I no longer believe that their religion is true. They think I still go to church and believe, but nothing could be farther from the truth.
Keeping Up Appearances
The secret that I have always kept hidden from my parents is that I spent several years living as a barely functioning and depressed alcoholic during my college days. My life was really out of control back then, but I always managed to keep it together just enough to still be capable of putting on a facade for my parents. They never suspected a thing.
This Is Pretty Dark...
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I don't actually love them. I care about them in the same way that I care for a hurt stranger, but I won't be crying when they pass except for over the stress of handling the funeral arrangements and finding a place for their kid and animals to live in their absence. I know this sounds harsh, but that’s the way I truly feel.
Some explanation is probably needed. Let’s start with the fact that my parents have done some pretty heartless things towards me over the years. They ran up a whole bunch of debts in my name and never helped me out with trying to pay them all off. That is just one example of their reckless and inconsiderate behavior towards me over the years.
Another example is that I was homeless twice in my mid-20s, but they absolutely refused to let me stay with them. At the age of 18, I still didn't have a driver’s license because I was never allowed to borrow their car. Eventually, I saved up and paid for my own lessons. Not that I could afford a car anyway until a few years later.
At the age of 20, I had a job interview at a well-paying company. I asked my parents if they could drive me for an hour to get there or let me drive. They agreed, but then the day of the interview, they never showed up. They also completely wrecked my confidence and self-esteem when I lived with them from the ages of 16 to 22, when they went off on outings almost every weekend while leaving me behind to watch their other kid and their animals.
There is also a lot more to the story that I would prefer not to talk about publicly. Of course, their other kid is technically related to me and would be considered my sibling by most people, but we do not have a good relationship or really much of any relationship to be completely honest. I know that it’s not his fault, but for my own mental health, I can’t bear to associate with anyone who reminds me of my awful parents.
How Much Is That Secret In The Window?
a bathroom with a window and a yellow towelPhoto by Shaylyn on UnsplashThe secret that I have kept hidden from my parents for a very long time is that I used to frequently sneak out of the house from our second story bathroom window to go nightclubbing with my friends after the two of them had both gone to bed at night. This little secret of mine made some of my greatest high school memories possible.
The Suspension Of His Disbelief
My dad doesn't know that I was suspended from school for an entire semester back in college due to my low grades. He always thought of me as a terrific student and not at all as someone who would spend a lot of time partying and neglecting my studies. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that this happened to me, but it really did.
No Tech Support Needed
The secret that I have kept hidden from my parents is that I actually did know why my laptop wasn't working when I told them that it had suddenly broken and that I needed a new one. I had spilled a fair bit of Jack Daniel's on it during a night of partying, and it has not been working properly ever since. But as far as my parents know, it just failed to turn on one day and there is no logical explanation as to why.
A Lot To Deal With
The secret that I hide from my parents is that I've been struggling with depression, crippling loneliness, abandonment issues, and social pressure ever since I was six years old. I've come dangerously close to nearly ending my life on many occasions. I've been managing my life better as of late, but I have kept all of this hidden from my parents regardless. I don’t want them to ever know.
Passing The Bar
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I’m not going to finish my degree and I’ve already paid off all my student loan debts. My degree was pointless and I don’t do well in school anyway due to my ADHD. My dad constantly asks me when I’m going to finish and stop bartending. I just keep saying I’ll be finishing soon.
I hate disappointing my parents because my father always gets very proud of my sister and me with all of our accomplishments. But truth be told, I’m quite content with the $60k a year that I make bartending right now. My degree would only have pulled in about $35k as a starting salary. I really like my current job and don’t feel that I’m missing out on anything, even though it’s so different than the vision that my parents always had for me.
I’m planning on keeping my true intentions a secret from them for as long as I possibly can.
Playing With A Full Deck
arranged blue grocery cartsPhoto by Fabio Bracht on UnsplashThe secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that when I was at Walmart with my mom one time, I swiped two of those big cartons full of Pokémon Cards. I took the cards and stuffed them all into my back pocket. I planned the whole operation more than a week before. It was completely premeditated. I was the best and craftiest thief in the world at the age of nine.
But my parents had no idea, and they still don’t to this day…
Brothers In Arms
I kept the truth of how I got the giant, noticeable scar on my forearm a secret from my parents and others for close to 15 years. In order to understand the real story, you first need to know that I had an old metal bed frame and one of the posts had snapped off, leaving a pretty good sharp point that was dangerous but also pretty avoidable.
When I was about 16, I got very intoxicated with my older brother one time and we got into a huge fight. He tried to hit me, and in the process of the fight, he accidentally slashed my arm with a sharp blade while I was trying to avoid a punch. We both started freaking out when we saw the damage and the huge bloody gash that we had left on my arm. We rushed to the hospital and I was given 21 stitches for it.
When we got home, we realized that we would both get into huge trouble if our parents found out that we had been drinking. But we had to be able to give some kind of explanation for the giant scar on my arm that had never been there before. So, in the end, we told my mom, grandma, and pretty much all other concerned parties that I had merely fallen next to the bed and accidentally sliced my arm across the open part of the metal post.
And none of them ever doubted that story for a minute!
This Is The Worst Trip I’ve Ever Been On
The secret that I have always kept hidden from my parents is that I had actually planned on ending my life during a school trip overseas back in the day. I was really having a bad time on the trip and it made me feel incredibly depressed. My head became filled with such bad thoughts, and I wanted nothing but for them to go away.
I didn’t go through with what I was planning, as you can tell. But I seriously considered it, and that fact alone still shakes me to my core to think about. In the end, the only thing that stopped me was that I didn’t want to ruin the trip for everyone else. That’s how close I came. I couldn’t imagine ever telling my parents that this happened.
I Know What You’ve Been Up To...
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I once found my dad’s stash of illicit substances hidden in his room. I feel like I don't even know him anymore. I never want him or my mother to know that I found this. I’m still a minor and I still live with them. I just don’t want them to think that I violated their privacy or found out about something that I wasn’t meant to see.
Such A Sad Situation
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I was taken advantage of in our home for years when I was a child by the person that they know I hate the most. If they knew about this, they might finally understand why I hate this person so much. This is also the person that they would probably least suspect of ever doing a thing like that.
I doubt my parents would even believe me if I ever told them about what happened. In fact, my mom once actually walked into the room during one of the times that this was actively happening to me but she did not pick up on what was going on. She held a full, nonchalant conversation with us while it was going on right under her nose.
I was horrified because I was very obviously in danger and yet she was totally oblivious. I didn’t know what to do about it, and I’ve never brought it up to her ever since.
To Tell, Or Not To Tell?
grayscale photo of woman doing silent hand signPhoto by Kristina Flour on UnsplashThe secret that I keep from my parents is that I fully know that my mother is cheating on my father. He doesn’t know that it’s happening, at least not to my knowledge, and she doesn’t have any idea that I know what she’s up to. I honestly have no idea what I should do with this information, but for the time being, I cannot bring myself to let either of them know that I know about it.
The Green, Green Grass Of Home
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I sold weed in high school. This may seem like nothing compared to some of the other stories that people have shared here, but it is still something that would cause a whole lot of shock and disappointment with my family if they ever found out about it. Thankfully, it’s all in the past now, so hopefully, I will never have to say anything.
Stepping On The Wrong Toes
The secret that I keep from my parents is that, as a teen, I used to constantly fantasize about ending the life of my verbally and physically abusive stepfather and then ending my own life right after. He treated my mom like garbage and one day he actually punched me in the face for not washing my dirty dishes. This blow left a permanent gash above my eyebrow.
I was really depressed and wanted to end my life anyway, so I thought that I might as well take that jerk with me if I was going to have to go. I always tried to talk myself into finding some way to do it, but I could never actually bring myself to go through with it. The closest that I ever came to doing something was when he was asleep on the couch and my mom was off at work.
I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and just stood over him for a few minutes, contemplating whether I should do it or not. Of course, I never did. Thankfully, he and my mom separated less than a year after that incident. He is now out of our lives completely. My depression has been minimized tremendously since that. And no one ever needs to know how bad things were in my head before.
Seriously though, screw that guy!
Big Plans For The Future
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I have a secret plan to take my own life many years from now. I've crafted the plan carefully, and it is specifically designed so that I can focus one year on spending time with each of the people that I love. I'm scared to tell them about it because I don't want them to get stressed out about it. But at the same time, I just can't mentally take life anymore and I can't cope with living like this for 20 or so more years.
Living On The Edge
The secret that I keep from my parents is that I lived with my girlfriend for more than a year and a half prior to us being married. We lived in a house less than 45 minutes away from where my parents lived, yet they had no idea that we were there. My parents are very conservative both socially and religiously, and they would have likely not attended our wedding had they known about this.
Getting The Job Done
computer cablesPhoto by Randall Bruder on UnsplashMy parents have no idea that I left my job with the cable company to sell cars and write up oil changes for almost a year. I was emotionally burnt out from all the nonsense of the corporate world and I just couldn't take it anymore. So, without telling my parents, I tried switching careers. It didn't really pan out as I had hoped, but it did get me away from that trash heap of a company and allowed me to figure out what I actually wanted to do with my life and where to go from there.
A Strong, Independent Woman
It may seem weird to some people, but I prefer to keep it secret. My parents don’t know that I work out regularly. Pretty hard and heavy, too. My mom thinks that muscles on girls are gross, and for the years that she knew I worked out she treated me like I was gross too. It was heartbreaking for me. So now I pretend that I lost all interest in lifting weights and that I'm much happier this way.
The true fact is that I gave it up for about two months and couldn't stand life without it. It's sad that I can't keep my own mother in the loop about my most loved passion, but I've accepted it as just the way things are. In the grand scheme of things, this is far from the worst secret I could have had from my parents!
Food For Thought
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I have a pretty serious eating disorder. I’ve had it since I was just 11 years old, and I even went to the hospital for it. I am keeping it under control more now than I used to thanks to the help of the doctors at the hospital. But my parents still have no idea that anything is wrong with me.
A Work Of Art
When I was in my early teens, we didn't yet have a computer or the internet at my house, but we did have Cinemax and my friend Doug introduced me to the late-night movies that were shown on the weekends. The secret that I hid from my parents was that, as a teenager who read comics and was not fully aware of the female anatomy, I would try to draw pictures of my favorite characters from those movies without their clothes on. Well, my mom found out…but it didn’t really go how I thought it would.
I used to hide the drawings either inside my comic books or in between my mattress and my box spring. I never considered the possibility that my mom would one day change my sheets. When she did, she discovered my secret. She told me that she was disappointed with me for drawing the pictures, but she was also impressed with the artwork.
So, she put the drawings into her special “hope chest” with all of my other stuff that she was proud of. I was embarrassed then, but now in my 30s, it's just nice to know that my mom cared that much about me and the things that I did. I bet not everyone could say that about their parents. Especially not after they discovered your secrets!
Three Square Meals A Day
My secret from my parents is that I sometimes grab lunch or dinner on the way home from class, and I don't tell them about it. If I did tell them, I would probably just get yelled at for "wasting money when we have perfectly good food at home". My mom's cooking is great, but sometimes I just want to grab some pizza! Is that such a horrible thing to want? I enjoy variety from time to time!
Recently, this whole situation has gotten even more intense since my mom has gotten into some kind of obscure health diet plan that she's forcing everyone to take part in. It’s a bit ridiculous, but I don’t mind humoring her.
Little Brother Is Watching You
person looking in the middle of two beige cushionsPhoto by Cristina Gottardi on UnsplashI know an awful lot of things that my parents don’t realize I know. That is thanks to the fact that I overhear all of their private conversations every single night. I have horrible sleeping patterns, and people always assume that I’m asleep when I’m not. This is because when I lay down for too long, my mouth opens and, when I close my eyes, it looks like I’m sleeping.
Because of this, I know that my dad is cheating on my mom. I’ve been hearing him calling another woman every single night while he thought I was asleep and unable to hear. I also happen to know that my mom steals money from my dad on the regular, as well as from me and my brother. She also badmouths my dad a lot of the time and complains about the fact that I'm not good at dealing with conflict.
She also thinks I'm too sensitive. Many nights, I can hear them arguing behind closed doors, and then, in the morning, they just act like everything is great and like nothing ever happened. But I know that that’s not true. I’ve also secretly heard them badmouth me and my brothers, and talk about wanting a divorce. And it still gets so much worse...
I’ve heard them express the fact that they both don’t want me or my brother. They also both don’t want our pet cats. They openly admit that they hate each other, and they love pointing out sensitive things that will anger each other. They also hit one another from time to time. Night after night, I learn more and more secrets about how awful they really are. And I never let on that I know any of it.
It all started messing with my head a lot for the past couple of years. Slowly, it affected my personality and had even changed my reputation in school a lot. My friends told me that I wasn’t the same anymore. Apparently, I used to be totally carefree, let them borrow all my things whenever they asked, followed them around, wanted to be near them all the time, and would hug them a lot.
After my personality change, they told me they noticed that I was no longer hugging them at all. They said it felt like I was distancing myself from them. My grades got horrible and I always asked them to leave me alone whenever they tried to spend time with me. I’ve lost a lot of friends and teachers who used to talk to me and care about me.
I would open up to them, but in my community, we have a policy of not bringing our problems at home into school. It upsets me a lot and the only thing that I ever have to distract me from all of this is when I get to spend time with my older brother. We usually watch a little bit of football together, which I consider to be my favorite sport.
My older brother loves football and rabbles all the latest news to me whenever we hang out. I love it. I feel like I can trust him with my secrets, more than I could ever trust my best friend, mom, dad, or teachers. We share a lot in common. But even he doesn’t know about the mom and dad situation. I don’t have the heart to tell him about it.
But at the same time, he’s the only one who listens to me. Whether I’m angry, sad, upset, disappointed, happy, or any other emotion, he will always be happy to listen. Any topic goes, from video games, to sports, to movies, to books, to some new fact I heard about some obscure topics of science, to some random fun fact I learned about history. Anything you can imagine.
Needless to say, you can add the true state of my emotions to the long list of secrets that I now have from my parents, thanks to my late night accidental spying habit.
We Hope They Get Well Soon
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I really want to become a dental surgeon. This might not sound like anything controversial, but to my parents, it would be the end of the world. That is because they really want me to go into some crackpot, unscientific, antivax "holistic" naturopathic medicine business that fits with what they believe in.
Don’t ask me why, but they are convinced that modern medicine and science are a hoax and, as a result, they don’t trust regular doctors at all. I'm completely afraid that if I tell them about my true career intentions, they will refuse to pay for my college and dental school expenses. If my worst fears come true, they might even disown me over this.
A Tragic Experience
From the age of ten until I was 14, I was “best friends” with a man who had said he was also 14. In reality, he had been saying that for three years on the internet. It was very far from true. He emotionally manipulated me to stay at home, talk to him online all day, and to falsely tell my parents that I was writing. I actually do write in my free time, so my parents never doubted the excuse.
My parents completely drank up the lies and I was never free from this person’s manipulation. When holidays came around, I wouldn’t go out with my friends. I would stay at home and talk to him all day. Eventually, he began to pressure me to send him naughty pictures of myself. I finally broke down and gave in when he threatened to find me and beat me up.
He knew where I went to school and where I lived. After that, he stopped talking to me for a few months because I was “too fat and needed to lose some weight". I was a tubby child, but I felt disgusting and started to hate myself after he said that. I fell into an eating disorder and almost lost my life. I was sent into therapy a year or so later to help recover from the disorder.
I’m recovered from anorexia now, but my therapist was trying to figure out the root cause for it back in May. My mum was in the room with me, and I finally broke down and told them everything. I had kept it a secret from her for my entire adult life, but I couldn’t hold back anymore. We immediately went to the authorities, but I’ve never heard from the guy since and we were unable to track him down.
It still scares me to think about him. Even all these years later, it still feels like a fresh wound every time I think about it. Thankfully, though, I can honestly say that I’m doing better than ever now. I can balance my writing with my social life and everything is going great for me! I regret having kept this secret from my parents for so long. They probably could have saved me a lot of pain if they had known what I was dealing with.
Story Time
I would never be able to live it down if they knew. The secret that I keep from my parents is that I’ve been writing explicit fan fiction since I was 16 years old. I have no idea what they think I have been giggling about for the last 10 years whenever I’m on my laptop, but I’m glad they don’t know the truth. Some of it is pretty darn explicit and embarrassing.
She’s A Real Pain In The Teeth
I have a secret that I keep from my parents. My mom has no idea that she is the reason why my dental health is terrible. My teeth are a disaster due to stress-induced teeth grinding. She knows nothing about this, and cannot do anything about it either. She is also a major part of the reason as to why I have notable social anxiety and other psychological problems.
She's bound to find out sooner or later I am sure. I do not live with her anymore for these reasons, among others.
Pen Pals
person holding black android smartphonePhoto by Jonas Leupe on UnsplashWhen I was 12 years old, I secretly saw some emails on my mom's iPod touch. The emails were very suggestive and were between my mother and another man. I never told my dad that I saw those emails. I wish I did, because it turned out that she was cheating on him. This is the first time I've ever mentioned it to anyone. It feels good to get it off my chest.
Wanted On The Telephone
The secret that I kept from my parents is that I was working as an operator for an adult phone line back in university. I told everyone I know that I was working the phones for our local department store. One day, my dad innocently asked me whether they were hiring, as he thought he might want to give my alleged job a try. Nope. We were not...
Mind Over Matter
The secret that I keep hidden from my parents is that I was heavily addicted to painkillers and other mind-altering substances for the entire time that I was away at university. I think that this information would devastate them if they ever found out, and I can’t imagine ever telling them about it. As far as they know, my time away from home was nothing more than a perfect, storybook college experience.
Video Games
Back when I was in the seventh grade, I started to get into watching adult videos and my favorite kind, for some reason, was guy-on-guy stuff even though I’m a girl. Anyways, I didn’t know how anything but YouTube worked back then, so I ended up downloading and saving something like three explicit gay videos on my phone.
Needless to say, I did not tell my mom about this secret interest of mine. But I had an Android phone so when I deleted the videos, the titles were still in my phone and could be viewed in my download history. For some reason, my mom took my phone from me one day and went through it. She then sat me down and asked me about the video titles she had found on it.
Now, I’m not necessarily proud of what happened next. I’m a very good liar. But in this particular situation, I didn’t have to do much lying. That was because as soon as I started crying and saying that I didn’t do it, she immediately believed me and blamed the whole thing on my stepdad. She said that she’d had a suspicion that he was gay throughout their whole relationship and all that.
After that, she never confronted him and just continued to stay with him even though she thought he was gay. Unintended side effect? That was when I realized that my mom was a golddigger. But regardless, my secret remained intact.
I’m Not Who You Think I Am
Sneaking out, bad grades…my secret is a bit different. I routinely pay random escorts to show up to family events as my “girlfriend” so that my parents will stop telling their friends to try and hook me up with their daughters. Every time we have a gathering, a paid date shows up with me to meet everyone, and then they always claim to have to leave early. I pay by the hour. It gets the job done, and my parents have no idea that I’m happily single all the while.
Reddit user Tier1CSGO asked:
"What is the dumbest way you've ever made money?"
Clean Living
"Sold my urine on job site to guys who knew they were going to be tested."
~ blackp3dro
Polly Want a Story?
"Reading books to my neighbour's parrot."
"He was depressed and needed company, apparently."
"I was 10, I enjoyed that work very much."
"I read a lot on my own, but I was terrible at reading out loud, and I had a stutter."
"The parrot was lonely and plucking his feathers and I was told that the only way I could save him was to read to him every day."
"I suspect anything to keep him company would have worked, but I took my reading job very seriously. It helped us both."
~ alentukh
GiphyTen Pence
"Forgot to submit my self-assessment tax return for a year I owed £0 tax."
"Got fined £100."
"Appealed it, was successful, got paid £100.10 back."
~ sammy_zammy
Fantasy Fabio
"I got a job as a 'fantasy model with long flowing hair' where I modelled for covers of B grade American fantasy novels. Paid OKish, not well."
"I also signed away my rights like an idiot so I occasionally turn up riding a horse, or casting a spell. Also once turned up on a book cover with 'a lady' and my girlfriend went 'Who the f'k is that‽‽'."
"Photoshop my dear. Photoshop."
"I tried to read one of the books and it started 'He was not traditionally handsome'. Ouch."
~ HerrFerret
GiphyFree Profit
"About 10 years ago I downloaded one of those Clash of Clans style app games. This was before the 'pay to win' model had arisen so I played the game for about a year and was actually pretty good at it and managed to get into one of the top clans."
"After a year or so though the pay to win model began to rear its ugly head and ruin the game. I saw the writing on the wall and decided it was time to hang it up."
"Now I had never spent a dime on this game but I knew that a lot of the big spenders would sell their accounts when they quit in an attempt to recoup some of their losses. I knew my account wasn’t at that level but I figured it was worth a try."
"I figured if I could get even $10 I would be happy. I was in no rush to sell it though so I figured I would start very unrealistically high and then slowly go down on my list price."
"I ended up listing it on a third party site starting at $500. Within 12 hours I had a guy 'counter offer' at $350."
"I was blown away. I wasn’t about to negotiate with that and jumped all over it."
"To this day I still can’t believe that I had fun playing a free game for a year and then sold my account for $350."
~ SCHokie2011
GiphyDoesn't Add Up
"Tutoring a kid in math who was far smarter in math than his mother thought. He didn't do the homework because he wanted to play video games."
"He aced all the test and quizzes but homework was 50% of the grade so he was getting a C in math. Mother basically paid me $20 an hour to make sure he did his homework, which he finished in about 5 min."
"We then played video games for the next 55 minutes and whenever the mother would check on us I would say something 'mathematical' then he would say something 'mathematical' and I would say 'exactly, now you've got it'."
"I felt bad taking the money from the mom, but as a poor college kid, $20 is $20."
~ RTAW0lf3
Ah, Craigslist...
"Answered an ad on Craigslist. A dude shaved my head, and filmed it. Paid me $600."
~ Shaladox
"Craigslist had some bizarre ads back in the day. I answered an ad to do some weird stuff too."
"A guy wanted me to pee in a diaper and give it to him."
"So we’d meet up. I’d get in his car. Put on a diaper, pee in it, take it off, give it to him, and he’d pay me $100."
~ princesspeepe
GiphyPound for Pound
"In the 90's I had some money spare and the British Government was attempting to stop the £ falling below a certain level against the US$."
"On the radio in the mornings, day after day, serious expert were saying it couldn't hold out against the markets."
"I converted all my cash into US$. Two weeks later I converted it all back into £'s and made £10,000. I literally did nothing except change some currency."
~ the_real_grinningdog
Miscommunication = $$$
"I was a contractor for a while doing IT. I think I was making around $50k at the time. Hourly pay, but worked out to about $50k annually."
"They wanted to renew my contract and I told my contract company I should get 10 more. I thought I was worth another $10k annually."
"They went and talked to the company and came back and said they got me 9. As in $9 more an hour and if that was OK."
"Yep, that’s about $19k more annually. It was also around Y2K time so overtime was always there too."
~ ShamusNC
GiphySilver Lining
"I once crashed my truck on the freeway (due to a faulty road, I got a big payout, don't worry guys) and when I was all shaken and like holy crap and pulling over into the grass on the side of the road, I stepped out of the truck on shaky legs, and there was just... a 20 dollar bill."
"Crisp and new. Just sitting there."
"I thought I must have imagined it, but I took it as a good sign, and then insurance inexcusably overpaid what my truck was worth and I got a much better truck for free and 20 bucks."
"Dumb. Effective, but dumb."
~ aaronjer
Whistle While You Work
"I worked at a recording studio and one of the engineers was working on a radio commercial. The spot called for a bit of dialogue between a voiceover talent and a bird whistling."
"The client figured we could just use sfx for the bird responses, but nothing was working. The engineer left the session for a bit to get some air and he told me what was going on."
"Not to brag, but I’m a pretty good whistler. I started mimicking what the bird 'should' sound like, and his eyes went wide. He dragged me into the session to present what I did."
"I ended up being hired on the spot. I whistled for one commercial, which happened to be a union gig. So, I signed a contract that basically let me join for the day."
"I got about 800 bucks for the day, but also received residual checks for a couple more years after that. Whistling earned me about $3k in the end."
~ GtrSolo2TheFace
Giphy
"My offer letter was wrong. I asked for a one time sign on bonus since I was leaving my match at my previous job. HR agreed but then instead of doing it as a bonus they added it to my salary."
"I didn’t say anything."
"2 years later during an audit they caught it. The ceo finds out and says 'well even with his raise last year he still is worth it'."
"Never had to pay it back since it was an hr screw up and I’m good at my job."
~ diatho
Cleaning Up
"Shoveling snow. Yeah, I know how it sounds, but I was at my grandma's house and she had this shovel that was curved so if you held it right, the snow would curl up and move just like a snowplow."
"I was like 6 or 7 years old. I thought was so cool so I just went around her block clearing the sidewalks having a blast cause it's just like the big snowplows."
"Before I know it, people are coming out of the houses and giving me money."
~ steppedinhairball
GiphyCandy!
"Some dude hit my friend with his car while we were crossing the sidewalk in front of a 7-11."
"We were 12ish at the time and my friend wasn't hurt except for a bruise that came later."
"He gave us each $20 to not say anything about it."
"We bought SO much candy."
~ hotaffiliatequeen
The United States is described as being in a gig economy.
People are temps, contractors or subcontractors instead of employees.
Some efforts to make a living wage are better ideas than others.
But "dumb" might be a bit harsh if it pays the bills.
What's the most unusual way you've made money?