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The Elephant In the Room

If you say there is an elephant in the room, you mean there is an obvious problem you don't want to talk about. Couples can run into such issues often once they start living together. But not every elephant requires attention. Relationships are a give and take as well as knowing how to pick your battles.

Reddit user Jaylan96 asked "What is the harmless elephant in the room that won't affect your relationship but you never speak of?"

Here are some couples who identified issues where things are better left unsaid.

Hide & Seek

He continually thinks I hide his things when he can't find something.

Open & Shut Case

He leaves any and all doors/drawers open after getting what he needs out of them. Kitchen cabinets, the dishwasher, the microwave, bathroom vanity, closets, dressers, night stands.. I can always tell whether or not he's home when I walk through the front door. It will look like our kitchen is about to be ransacked.

I've called him out on it like twice - when I first noticed it was a trend and a time after that - and he was genuinely surprised. He was like, "you're messing with me, you opened some of those." Nope. 7 kitchen cabinets and drawers apparently had to be opened for you to make your snack - all you, babe. He sincerely apologized, but here we are 4 years later and I still just follow him around closing cabinets and drawers after he leaves the room. It's too comical to fight over, and it really doesn't even bother me terribly, so I just don't bring it up.

His & Hers

We've finally worked out after 13 years together that sleeping in the same room as each other just doesn't work for us and we are happier and healthier sleeping in separate rooms. Means we have to prioritize intimacy, but we are happier and saner sleeping in his and hers rooms. He snores and likes to watch movies on his iPad until the middle of the night and I wake up if a mouse rolls over two blocks away - years of sleep deprivation have taught us both that a good night's rest make us more loving partners to each other.

Crackers In Bed

Drives me insane that he eats in bed. Not snacks, but full meals. Spaghetti in bed. Chinese food in bed. Sushi IN BED. I freak out that he's going to spill something all over and I'm going to have to wake up to help him change the sheets again. He's a buck forty soaking wet so I don't even know where it goes.

If you asked him, it's that I never throw away a piece of paper I needed for that one class three months ago or that goat cheese in the freezer from even before then. He's constantly coming to me with two things in his hands saying I can only keep one.

Puppy Love

She loves the dog more than me, I know it, she knows it, the dog knows it.

I'm sure it'll be the same with the kids, but honestly it's why I'm marrying her.

Cry, Cry, Cry

Well since we've known each other since childhood, she remembers all the times I've cried over the stupidest things.

I dread the day she figures out how to use that against me...

Reading Is Fundamental

Every time we are driving by an outdoor mall or anywhere with a lot of store fronts, he will read every. Single. Store. Out. Loud. Every time.

TP

Every time he puts on a new toilet paper roll, he does it upside down. I flip it over every time. Sixteen years and counting.

Past Loves

The two relationships I was in directly before I met my wife ended when my partner died. Nothing suspicious, they both died of cancer. Different cancers. But my wife knows I miss one of them still and we never talk about it.

Cat Doo

From a couple I know. For the longest time the guy would walk into the bathroom and there was a number 2 in the toilet unflushed. Frustrated, he would flush and go about his day.

One day he walks in, their cat is squatting over the toilet pooping. He tells his wife about it, she says "I thought that was you?!"

Both parties were flushing the toilet, annoyed at the other one, turns out it was the cat.

Neverending Story

My wife is the absolute worst story teller ever. She is so smart and funny, but my goodness, her stories go on forever. She takes a story that should take 2 minutes to tell and turns it into a 25 minute story with EVERY SINGLE DETAIL that actually happened.

Checkmate

She once bragged about being good at chess and I beat her in 5 moves using a tactic i found on Youtube. We don't speak of chess anymore.

Tit for Tat

My wife leaving food out on the counter without ever putting it away disgusts me and I end up cleaning up after her every day.

I leave my socks everywhere which she finds repulsive, but she cleans them up and never says anything.

Neither of us are changing our ways so we just accept it.

Fluff & Fold

Neither of us puts up laundry. It's supposed to be one washes the other puts it away but neither of us do it. All our clothes just sit in baskets 99% of the time. It irks us both but we're both guilty so we keep our mouths shut.

Open & Shut Case

My wife doesnt screw the top back on the bottle of..... anything. Everything with a lid is a potential bomb.

Where? What?

80% of our marriage is one of us says

"Where's my keys?"

And the other saying "What?"

I don't think it will change,

Ours is, "What?"

"I wasn't talking to you; I was talking to myself/the cat."

"Oh ok."

Dish Duty

My wife uses all the dishes when she cooks. I don't even know how that's possible. I'm grateful for the meal but salty that whoever doesn't cook does the dishes.

Tales of the Glass Monkey

We have a trinket (small glass monkey) that started out as me putting it on his study desk in secret, to which he would then put it back on mine. Now it has escalated to being hidden in each other's stuff all around the house (underwear drawer, shoes and luggage). We have never spoken about it.

Like Signs

Her - leaves half finished glasses of water everywhere. Also, puts a glass of water next to the bed despite knocking it over at least twice a week.

A Life of Your Own

Divorce lawyer and married man here. Something I saw come up in divorces and tried to make sure was not happening in my own relationship is when one person feels they don't have a life outside their marriage and kids. That feeling will swelter and grate for years and I have seen it finally be the end of long marriages. The spouse who feels they have nothing outside of the marriage eventually blaming the other spouse. My wife works part time and is home part time, so I started being pushy about her getting out while I stayed home with the kids. (And I really did have to get pushy about it). She wound up playing on an indoor soccer team and getting drinks more regularly with friends. She would often thank me later for being insistent about her getting out and I think it helped relieve something that could have otherwise festered between us.

Clint Patterson/Unsplash

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