Sag away....

I was helping a customer pick out a new bra and she said she wanted her breasts to be lifted. She said, "my boobs are so saggy that if my nipples were eyeballs, I'd be able to see if my shoes were untied."

I really tried my best to remain professional but I couldn't stop laughing lol. BurkaBurrito

I'm Listening! 

I was in the drive thru of a Wendy's one time. An employee exited the building with his headphones on and was singing Who Let The Dogs Out at the top of his lungs. He saw me, stopped singing, and started walking away. A few seconds later he come up to my window and said, "yes, that is what I'm listening to." Then he walked away. I laughed so hard at the whole situation. JonoTheDog

To Hell and Back! 

Okay, the laughter was not entirely inside, but years ago on the subway in NY, a crazy dude walks on the train and screams at everyone "You're all going to hell!" and then steps off as the doors close. Total silence as the weirdness of the moment settles in. Then, without missing a beat, guy across from me goes, "I thought this train was going to Harlem." Entire subway car of cynical New Yorkers bursts out laughing. jimcol

I hate socks... 

I must've been about 10 or 11. I sat down on a bench next to an old guy to sort my shoe out. I took my shoe off and he just turns to me and says "are they golfing socks?" I look at him with a completely blank look on my face thinking "wtf??" as I looked away he just said "there's a hole in one." WinningToad

Dollars Away....

Was leaving Walmart and the 80ish year old greeter says "Thanks for shopping at Dollar Tree!" brookski_lee

I Smell That!

Movie just ended, me and my dad join the mad rush to to the bathrooms, urinals are packed, its our turn we doing our business, suddenly someone rips a hugggge fart, lol its pretty funny but we all have manners, still peeing, suddenly this dude proclaims, "IT WAS MEEEEE" and runs out the door. Whole bathroom erupts in laughter. dodo_gogo

AAYO!

A few years ago I let my friend cut my hair... it did not go well.

I was living in Philadelphia at the time and was walking through South Philly when I passed two strangers in the middle of the conversation. As I pass, one of them says to the other: "Hold up, I gotta talk to this guy." He precedes to shout to me: "Aaayo! Your hair looks like S**T. Come over here."

I was amused, partially because of his bluntness and partially because he wasn't wrong. I was curious, so I walked over to him. He says: "Look, a buddy of mine owns a barber shop two blocks away. Here's his business card--I'll write my name on there, if you mention that I sent you he'll give you a good deal. Bruh, but seriously take care of that s**t."

I never ended up going to his friend's shop, but I frequently use this story as the perfect example of Philly culture: rude, blunt & in your face yet somehow coming from a place of genuine care. Plus, it's hilarious. trustfundbabelfish

Hysteria! 

May of 2000, passing through Norwood Louisiana with a friend, at around 2 in the afternoon we stopped to gas up/grab some snacks at the most podunk gas station known to man.

A young man, extremely agitated comes in with frustrated gestures and angrily shouts/gestures at the cashier with an accent that is beyond region, beyond stereotyping, beyond anything I have heard before:

"Where da' got damned wally-mellyons at!!" at the top of lungs, approaching hysteria and tears. official_fox_news

Beep-Beep! 

A few months ago I was waiting at a road crossing with loads of other strangers, waiting for the man to turn green. This was a busy main road in my city.

A little girl on the other side of the road did THE MOST ACCURATE IMPRESSION of the 'beep beep' that the crossing makes so blind people know it's safe to cross, and the entire crowd of people just stepped into the road. I had seen her do it, so I stayed put, but I couldn't stop laughing. My girlfriend was confused.

50 adults pranked by one absolute genius 6ish year old. It was magical. kingbluetit

Peace First....

Met a guy while camping a few years ago. He told us, matter of factly, that he was a "Redneck hippie" back in the 60's.. He was "there for the sex and the drugs, but not so much that love and peace stuff." We still crack up about that. PursuitOfMuchness

Yep! 

I work in retail, and I'm not sure why, but this had me dying for a while. I still laugh when I think about it.

Me: "How you doing today, sir?"

Customer: "Yep."

And he went on his way. RiSET0FaLL

Peace Brother! 

Met a guy while camping a few years ago. He told us, matter of factly, that he was a "Redneck hippie" back in the 60's.. He was "there for the sex and the drugs, but not so much that love and peace crap." We still crack up about that. PursuitOfMuchness

WOOF!

An old man on the street with a big, jack-o-lantern grin on his face and two Chihuahuas under each arm loudly proclaiming to no one in particular, "I used to carry grenades! Now I carry dogs!" NightOnTheSun

Smells like pee...

Worked at a smoke shop that sold electronic cigarettes years ago. A customer came in complaining that the new flavor made her pee smell funny. I couldn't keep a straight face when I said I wasn't sure if that was related. Then she says, "Oh, well it could be an STD or something I guess...Thanks!" and walked out. oppapi666

Off with your leg! 

The time I was waiting for takeout and the amputee owner struck up a convo. "My friend, you have to be really careful if you ever get shot in the knee or any leg bone. They don't warn you that you can't have sex for months. One night you're taking home a beautiful girl to show her your scars and the next morning your leg's gone." walnut100

Flames! On the side of my face!

When i was about 8 yrs old (40 some odd yrs ago) my mother and i were waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and an older gentleman was ahead of us also waiting. The waitress asked him if he'd be smoking (back when that was still a thing in restaurants), and he replied "no, but i may burst into flames later." Young me laughed all through lunch at that, in fact it still makes me giggle lol. SweetBabyJesus99

Help the blind....

Something I overheard as two kids walked past our caravan park site: A rumbling boom of distant thunder.

Kid 1: "I like thunder. It sounds like a 200 year old dog who's retired and helps old people who are blind to get around."

Kid 2: (silence)

Kid 1: "You know?"

Kid 2: "But why is it retired?"

Kid 1: "Because it's old."

Kid 2: "But it's still helping blind people."

Kid 1: (silence) actualchad

Hot Pants! 

When I was a freshmen in college I had a pair of rainbow bellbottoms I made and wore a lot. I walking through the city back to the dorms when a guy rode up behind me on a bicycle. He was old, had long, scraggly gray hair and a bright red and yellow windsuit on. He rode beside me for a second, stared and then yelled "Miss your pants are hot....HWAAAAT" and the rode away into the sunset. It was so random and hilarious. Every time I wore those pants my friends would run up behind me and yell "Your pants are HWAT" -StarrySky-

Damn Crabs....

No so much said to me as overheard. Walking down the street with my fianceè after dinner, a man and woman pass us. Very clearly I heard the man say:

"... and that's the second time I got crabs. I just keep a special little comb at the house now, just in case."

I'm not sure of any particulars and have thought about that interaction often. So many questions, I know they heard me laugh though. kbig22432

Suck it Down!

I used to be a smoker. One time a scruffy looking man asked me for a light. I told him I only had matches. (It was very windy) He said, "that's ok, there's a trick to it. You light the match and then suck down real hard. You get a mouth full of sulfur that way, but you gotta have a trick when you're going thirty miles an hour on top of a tank." emken23

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