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Straight People Share Questions They've Always Wanted To Ask The LGBTQ Community

Since we grow up in a world where it is assumed that we will be straight, we don't receive a lot of education on the LGBTQ+ community. Most places receive zero education, as decades of homophobia and gay erasure rear their ugly heads even in modern society.

So curiosity from straight people is natural. It's welcome. It only helps break down the walls between our communities.


u/l_a_z_y_b_u_g asked:

Straight people of reddit, what questions do you have for the LGBTQ community?

Here were some of those answers.

The Clever One First

What's on the gay agenda for today?

GaryNOVA

For the lesbians, today is gardening and obsessing over hot female actresses.

I mean we do that every day but whatever.

Erin_Howard-Boleyn

After polling my friends the answer seems to be animal crossing

magic_luver101

Take Note, Straights!

What are the creepy or offensive things things that well-meaning non-lgbt people say?

DiligentShopping

The question "so which one is the girl and which one is the guy" is pretty offensive. We are not trying to fit ourselves in a straight mold. Were both girls/ were both guys. It's like the whole point.

Asking whose on top can be pretty intrusive if you don't know them well.

Asking a trans person their birth name or what's in their pants is super rude.

l_a_z_y_b_u_g

Hetlag

Are there "straight jokes"? Straight people use jokes about being gay all the time, especially guys.

PlasticStain

I don't think it's the case for everybody but one of my group of friends is like 80% LGBT+ people and YES. So many jokes and puns about straight/cis people. But none of them are insults and I never heard a violent joke about straight people.

We DEFINILTY have jokes about the straights™ though. Like about heterophobia or straight pride.

thelastmoth

This Is A Good Perspective, Listen Up

I'm not straight but I've always wanted to ask a trans person what they mean when they say they "feel like a man/woman". I guess it's probably not entirely tangible but I've always found it intriguing.

CentrifugalFarts69

Imagine waking up every day of your life feeling like something's wrong. You're perfectly healthy, your life is great, but there's something wrong. You just don't know what.

The feeling gets worse when you look at yourself in a mirror, or see your body. It gets even worse when puberty starts and you watch your body change and you hate it, but you don't know why. There's just something wrong.

The feeling sometimes gets better when you look at people of the opposite sex (for me, girls). Sometimes, it gets worse and you get frustrated for no reason. Maybe you have a crush on one of those girls. Maybe you just want some attention from them. But then, if you had a crush on one of them, there would be some happiness. There just isn't. Never. Your life is great but you're miserable and you can't figure out why.


Then one day a random thought occurs. I wish I were a girl. Then you understand what was wrong with you all your life.

The way I experienced it, it's a mix of discomfort, longing, and envy. I wasn't comfortable with my body (mind you, I had an awful life, which is why I didn't explore these issues until I gained some control over it in my early 20s) because I was male. I was hoping something would change without really knowing what. I envied girls simply for being girls.

This might be controversial, but I wouldn't say I "feel" like a woman. I'm a woman. Just not physically, alas. Even now after successfully transitioning, I'm aware that I'm still biologically male. It still bothers me. But I can live my life as a woman and that's a massive weight off of my shoulders. I can look at my body or into a mirror. I wake up in the morning without that residual feeling that something is wrong. I am no longer miserable.

Identity is a difficult question and everyone has their own perception of it. I don't think you'll ever get a definite answer on your question. The best you can get is a variety of testimonials and personal experiences, few of which you will resonate with.

BetelgeuseFox

Moms Trying To Be Better

What do (or did) you need from your mom?

(Mom of a trans teenager. I do my best to support him, and want to learn to do better)

insertcaffeine

The most important thing is to affirm his identity. Use his new name and pronouns. Making mistakes is okay, but work on it.

Otherwise, help him protect himself. There is a ton of hate directed at transgender teens, and someone of his age isn't going to have the emotional maturity to deal with it all. Whenever someone wants to deny who he is, have his back.

If he hasn't started puberty blockers yet, it's 100% worth it. Puberty blockers now means no mastectomy later. And if he changes his mind later (he probably won't) they're mostly reversible.

karry9001

It's Common Because Women Are Nice

How come it's common for a gay man to befriend straight women but it's uncommon for a lesbian to befriend straight men?

sirjunkinthetrunk

I'm gay and my sister a lesbian. My female friends have never requested to watch my husband and I have sex. Straight men are always asking my sister if they can watch my sister and her wife have sex. there's your answer.

Horrorwriterme

Your First Gay Movie

I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.

However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?

PlasticStain

I remember a reading an interview with John Cryer about Duckie in Pretty in Pink. And he was saying how people would come up to him and thank him because that's how they realized they were in the closet.

And he said he was kind of shocked because he didn't realize Duckie was closeted, but when he mentioned it to the other cast they all knew.

So, of course, that's when I first realized that Duckie was gay in that movie.

RodamusLong

Beep Boop

How does "gaydar" work? How reliable is it?

NeedsMoreTuba

Gaydar is just that... Recognizing that someone is likely to be LGBTQ. It can be based on any number of things - mannerisms, hair and clothes, subtle references and symbols that might not obvious to people who aren't "in the know," etc.

As to efficacy? Moderate? But there are also some false positives - people who are assumed to be LGBT but aren't.

justanothersocalgirl

The Gays.  They're Everywhere.

What did you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?

Orual309

There are so many more gay people in this world than statistics shows, because may people are either still in the closet or don't come out as gay on any form of census.

Gods-truth

Rage Against

As a father of a LGBTQ daughter how do I not rage at people who oppose the fact my daughter exist.

daynedaman

Lesbian here. You can have a little rage. As a treat.

Seriously though this comment made me smile. You seem like a wonderful dad. You don't have to hold in your anger at people who are pissed at your daughter for simply existing. Take the protective father stereotype and use it for good! :)

lennsden

The Weirdest Reasons Guys Suddenly Lost Interest In A Crush

Reddit user Romeothanh asked: 'Men who suddenly lost your interest in someone but for a weird reason, what was it?'

coffee date
Jonathan J. Castellon/Unsplash

Infatuation is a curious thing.

One moment, you can be swept up in major adoration for someone to such a degree that you can't stop thinking about them.

But the next moment, you may suddenly find yourself moving on.

What is it that drives someone to lose their lust for their former object of affection?

Curious to hear from strangers who experienced going from hot to cold in casual dating, Redditor Romeothanh asked:

"Men who suddenly lost your interest in someone but for a weird reason, what was it??"

Questionable behaviors were seen as major turn-offs.

Poor Parenting

"The way she treated her children, her boy was permitted everything and her daughter had to follow very strict rules."

"I didn't have to ask to know what was going on, the boy's real father wasn't her ex-husband but a guy she had an affair with at work, her daughter was really from her ex-husband. She was always resentful of her upbringing and then her marriage for impeding some kind of dreamed life she thought she was entitled to. So the boy was seen as a piece of that dream and the girl was a piece of her boring life but she was also reliving her childhood through her and pushing her to excel in sports, school and manners and reveling in her daughter's accomplishments as if they were hers."

– Telesto1087

Past Grievances

"She accused me of cheating on her in a past life."

"I told her 'I don’t remember that.'”

– Breloren

"Sounds like something someone who cheated in a past life would say!"

– thefirecrest

At Least She Washes Her Hands...

"She spat in her hands and rubbed them together because she 'needed to wash them.' I cannot describe the colossal speed at which that switch turned off."

– whitesebastian

"Was she some sort of 1930’s farm hand or construction worker?"

– valueduser

There were some serious red flags.

Schadenfreude

"A elderly gentlemen fell in front of us, he took a nasty fall."

"She found it hilarious, instead of helping she just stood there laughing. I helped that person out and I felt so embarrassed for her behavior."

"Also that was the last time I saw her. It was a major turn off for me."

– oxide-NL

Good Guy Vs. Bad Guy

"I invited the girl from my psych course I'd been vibing with to a party. Her car rolled up and I came out to greet her, but it was a dude's car, and she was drunkenly making out with him as I walked up. I didn't flip out or anything, but she slurred her way through some weird attempt at reassuring me that I shouldn't worry, 'cause she was only sleeping with him to punish him because he was a bad guy (apparently that's a thing she does), and that I was a good guy. I didn't ask what happened to good guys. I felt bad for her date, whom she completely ignored the rest of the night. As for the girl, she ended up totally engrossed with the party host's gerbil, tapping on the glass of its cage whispering how she wanted to kill it. I found somewhere new to sit in psych class for the rest of the semester."

– MissionofQorma

I'm Generous And You're Gonna Like It

"She kept buying me stuff. It was nice at first but she kept doing it weekly and demanded I give gifts in return. I asked her to stop and she said "nope this is what I do." Felt like she didn't even care about what I wanted."

– Dry-Enthusiasm3515

Easiest Breakup Ever

"It was a really horrible relationship even this aside but my 'wow i think i actually hate this person' moment was when we were at Badlands National Park. We were just walking out of the gift shop with some other woman when she just let go of the door and it like slammed into that womans face. I said to her 'omg im so sorry' then when we got to the car i said to my gf in like a joking tone 'i cant beliehe you didnt hold the door for her haha' and because she was a very very miserable person all the time this makes her mad and she goes 'well YOURE the man youre supposed to hold the door. I dont NEED to hold the door for anybody' and yeah that one statement alone was very... eye opening for me."

"Seriously the easiest least heartbreaking break up ive ever gone through."

– ILoveTikkaMasala

The Cat Recognized Evil

"My cat didn't like her."

"Brought her home to introduce her to my parents, she meets my childhood cat and. It. Goes. Psychotic. Just for her reaching down to pat him, he panicked, attached himself to her arm, and wouldn't let go, just clawing at her like he found a demon to fight or something. When he eventually detached himself (they were both running around the room screaming as she tried to wave him off her arm) I checked her over and he did some damage. He's never reacted like that to anyone before or since. We broke it off shortly later."

"I found out a few years ago she was in the court system. Why? She tried to kill her own kid. I didn't dodge a bullet because of my cat, I dodged an artillery shell."

– GryphonicOwl

It's not me, it's you.

So Rude

"She didn’t hold the door open to people just meeting her at the door, would let it slam on people behind her, didn’t do the little thank you wave to other cars that let her out, didn’t say please and thank you to serving staff. She wasn’t overtly rude, she just had a bit of a me,me,me vibe."

– Hellenicparadise

Norwegian Love

"She told me she was pregnant and it was mine, 2 days after sleeping with me for the first (and only) time. Then proceeded to tell me she had a boyfriend."

"I should have twigged earlier really. She flew from Norway to sleep with me and flew back the next day."

– Perseus73

Face Reveal

"I’d been talking to this girl in class I thought was really cool. We ended up going for a bite after class one day and she suggested we go hang out in my dorm room. Hell yeah."

"Then she took off her glasses and she looked exactly like my mom. It was so jarring I excused myself to the bathroom to regroup, but when I came back I couldn’t unsee my mom’s face on her."

"I made some lame excuse and went back alone. I felt bad about bailing on her but I also how the hell would I tell her the real reason? Either she thinks I’m a weirdo or thinks I’m saying she looks like she’s in her fifties."

– OneSmoothCactus

Don't Speak

"My mate ghosted a girl simply because he didn't like her cadence when she spoke."

– Random-chick-98

My shallowest moment was years ago when I ghosted a hot tennis player I was dating because he had a particularly annoying gait.

Anytime we would walk around the city (in New York), he would gradually lean into me and prevent us from walking a straight path.

I thought he was deliberately trying to get close but it turned out that one of his legs was shorter than the other resulting in him taking uneven steps.

When he explained his situation, it weirded me out.

I didn't have the heart to tell him why I could no longer see him, so I just stopped responding to his incessant messages about when we were meeting next.

I remain regretful to this day about my immature behavior, and I wish him the best wherever he is.

classroom scene of middle school students with frustrated male teacher

Taylor Flowe on Unsplash

When picking a career, it's a good idea to talk to people who have been in the professions you're considering for quite some time.

My parents wanted me to become a doctor, but I was ambivalent to the idea.

My discussions with veteran doctors convinced me there was no way I wanted to go into medicine.

So what are some other not so great jobs?

Keep reading...Show less
photo of woman holding white and black paper bags
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

When I started college, I had every intention of cooking all my meals. It became very apparent very quickly that I simply didn't have the time to accomplish this, and I became the Takeout Queen.

I ordered food constantly. Between getting a monthly "allowance" from my dad (intended to go towards groceries), finding coupons taped to my apartment door everyday, and essentially being "allowed" to tip less than handsomely since I was a college student, I was able to afford this.

When I graduated and moved into my own place, things changed. I was too old to not tip properly, I didn't get any supplementary money from my family, and I had more expenses, such as rent. Still, I continued to order food, and it became my main expense.

My friends tell me the way I order food is only meant for "rich people." I have to skimp on everything else in order to have enough saved to support this. It's definitely true, but I don't think this habit will ever change.

I'm not the only one that does "rich people stuff." Redditors do lots of things that is classified that way, despite not being rich, and they are ready to share their stories.

It all started when Redditor Abbas_Noorani 16 asked:

"What is some rich sh*t you do even though you are not rich?"

Ravenous

"Food. I buy what I want and I try new stuff. I like cooking."

– 34i79s

"Grocery shopping without concern for budget is what made me realize I had made it back in the day. Good times."

"Now I have hard budgets again and it truly sucks. You question every damn decision and convince yourself to do without or downgrade to the lowest priced quality."

– txmail

"On the same boat. The other day I looked at expensive butter that I used to stock up on without even thinking twice and sighed."

– cat101786

Monthly

"Forget to cancel my free trial."

– Adept_Insurance5550

"Damn. Thanks for the reminder."

– -Bk7

"I'm still a member of AOL."

– __SpeedRacer__

Too Hot

"I leave the fridge door open when getting the butter out even though my dad said it would cost billions and send us to the streets."

– frank-sarno

"I leave the front door open when I pop out to grab my mail. Took me years of living on my own to realize the AC bill doesn’t shoot up by hundreds of dollars if I do that."

– MelodramaticQuarter

Necessities

"Buy the good toilet paper."

– FrankGehryNuman

"Absolutely!"

"Good toilet paper. Can't stand cheapo toilet paper, you give yourself a surprise when your finger goes through the paper when wiping your chuff. Don't get me started on that stuff they used to have in hospitals! It was awful - sandpaper that didn't soak up but rather moved stuff 🤐"

– helensmelon

Clean And Sweep

"I have a maid that comes weekly. I've found that my sanity is worth the cost."

– Eringobraugh2021

"Weekly? Oo la la!"

– a**ypantz72

Comfort Matters

"My thermostat stays at the temperature setting of what is most comfortable to me and nothing will change that."

– Cyb3rTruk

"Lol this really outlined how different climates can be. My thought was "Yeah, I'm going to be as cozy and warm as I want and not freeze in the comfort of my own home.""

– McCoyIsFun

Double

"Some days I have two sandwiches at lunch. I smile as I watch all my fellow proletariat eating their single sandwich."

– ShambolicPaul

"Brotip: Cut your sandwich an infinite number of times and rearrange the pieces into two full sandwiches. Don't give your money away to Big Sandwich!"

– NotInherentAfterAll

Sparkling

"Paying for car cleaning."

– angydevil

"Justified, tho my dad would kill me."

– Abbas_Noorani

The Big Cheese

"I sometimes buy name brand cheese instead of the store brand."

– NeuroguyNC

"Tillamook or nothing for me! I’ll buy store brand beans and paper towels and other stuff. But not for my cheese!"

– VariegatedThumb

Replenish

"We have a garage fridge that is full of all different kinds of beverages."

– SixStinkyFingers

"It's not the fridge itself, it's keeping it stocked!"

– 4x32Studio

A House Is A Home

"I own a house...."

– 1d0m1n4t3

"Oh damn rich people sh*t."

– Abbas_Noorani

"We shouldn't be able to joke about owning a modest home being rich people sh*t. Anyone who works full time should be able to afford a home."

– 1d0m1n4t3

Write Better

"I buy the gel comfort pens. Makes me feel I'm a higher class when writing at work. Smooth crisp consistent ink."

– UltraCoolPimpDaddy

"I have gotten into arguments over people stealing my G2 .07."

– savvyspoon2

Me Too!

"I buy small trash bags for the bathroom trash bins. My whole family uses grocery bags, but I don’t like how they always rip at the bottom."

– Deleted User

It's Required!

"No Margarine in my house, Butter Only, and lots of it. My arteries think I'm rich."

– weisblattsnut

Unused

"I have HBO but I don’t watch it."

– MillionToOneShotDoc

"I have Netflix, Prime, Hulu, and Disney Plus. Don’t watch any of it. Watch YouTube all the time and I’m too stupid to get Premium."

– AngryDerf

Now, that's the definition of having money to burn!

Of course, I wouldn't know. I need to save money for my food!

Couple exchanging rings on wedding day
Photo by Saeed Sarshar on Unsplash

Generally, when people talk about marriage, they get excited about the big wedding day and the honeymoon thereafter.

People don't always talk about what happens in the marriage after the "honeymoon phase" wears off, and they certainly don't talk about the other long-term realities of marrying someone for life.

Pondering this, Redditor Ok_Reality-77 asked:

"What did you realize after getting married?"

It's Not All Romantic

"Marriage isn’t just about the person you want to have fun with. It’s also about the person you want to spend $10,000 on a new furnace with, or go to a funeral with, or get a flat tire with."

"Your spouse should make your way in life easier, especially during the hard times."

- aggressivelysingle

Wedding Invitation Drama

"I don’t get upset if I don’t make the cut for someone else’s wedding, that s**t is expensive."

- coconutmama77

"I had one wedding where I got pretty ticked off about not being invited, to be honest."

"One of the bridesmaids at my wedding got married a few years after we did. She was out in Baltimore, and we are UK-based, but she wanted my wife as her bridesmaid too, so we of course flew over. We were the only ones not local."

"In the rehearsal the day before, one of the groomsmen wasn't there, so I stood in for him."

"Then later that night, I was told that the wedding was a small affair and that only my wife was invited to the ceremony. I would be only an evening guest. They just neglected to mention that on the invite."

"It caused massive ripples among the guests because there was no reason for snubbing me like that."

"I really liked the groom and he was in bits trying to deal with the psycho fit his bride was throwing about everything, so I ended up just doing as told so as not to cause an issue for him on his day."

"Years later, she asked my wife on a video call if we wanted to come visit them sometime soon, and her husband said to her, 'You're kidding, right? You know he doesn't like you after the wedding s**t, right?'"

"She was shocked to learn that I thought she was an a**hole, lol (laughing out loud)."

- Wind_Yer_Neck_In

The Wrong Partner

​"Bad marriage does way more harm than being alone."

- rosiebunnies

"When I left my first husband for being an irredeemable a**hat, I truly thought I’d sworn off marriage forever. But here I am, 14 years into my second marriage, and I couldn’t be more thankful that I was wrong about marriage being a bad thing."

- -comfypants

"I’ve had my own bad relationships. Then I started to look at my parents' unhealthy relationship but then saw that my brother actually has a really good one, and that helped put things into perspective. Some people should be together, and others should not."

- Lancefree

The Value of Disagreements

"That true partnership means conflict is inevitable but productive."

"Part of me knew we'd disagree, but I took some time to know the best way to work through it. It's not being a doormat and it's not being right every time."

- d20sapphire

The Importance of Alone Time

"How much I NEED alone time..."

- blacksweater

"We live in a house larger than we need. So we each have hobby areas and our own bathroom in addition to general s**t we don't do together. Our friends think it's weird, but we are strong as f**k, and their relationships didn't survive the pandemic."

- GoldenBarracudas

Secret Personalities

"People can be really, REALLY good at hiding who they truly are."

"People keep telling me I must have missed signs. I think they just haven’t encountered people that can change on a dime like my ex-husband."

- InstantElla

Increased Income

"How much easier it is to afford things as a joint couple with two incomes."

- Ornery-Cattle1051

"To me, this is one of the few downsides to being single. I like my single life but do not like my single income."

- SnoopsMan

Constant Forgiveness

"Marriage is a constant exercise in forgiveness."

"Be sure you love them, like for real."

"Luckily for me, I do."

- pussinbootskitty

Marrying the Family

"They say you marry their family. You absolutely do."

"One day I was a girlfriend, and the next I was holding my husband's grandmother's hand while she died. I was dragged into family fights the likes of which I'd never seen. I've been loved and weaponized and defended like I could never fathom."

"I laughed at people saying they married the whole family. I was so wrong."

- IHeartChipSammiches

"You put this into words so beautifully. I never would have imagined how much I love his family as my own, even though they bug the crap out of me sometimes, lol (laughing out loud)."

- chipmunk_butt

Communication is Key

"That good communication is vital to a relationship."

"The ability to have a calm, rational conversation over any topic is something to strive for. The trust that the two of you can talk about anything in a safe environment is key. The ability to be honest and open with each other."

"Communication, y'all. It works."

- agharta-astra

Ditch the Highway

"You spent X amount of years doing things your way. So has your new spouse. Just because it's not your way doesn't mean it's wrong."

"It's okay to compromise, but it's also okay to realize that some things may come down to My Way, Their Way, and Our Way."

"My husband and I learned a lot from each other but 15 years later, we have never, NEVER compromised on how to fold laundry so we just each do our own. I don't mind doing his, but I'll fold it my way. He'll easily wash and dry mine, but he folds his way. It's nice that the laundry is done, but then I had to refold everything."

"For those wondering, I fold shirts in a tri-fold rectangle and he does some weird square thing. Incompatible in our dresser drawers."

- Scucer

Hands and Height

"I have to add (this may sound bizarre) that if one of you is left-handed and the other is right-handed, you will most certainly run into some problems."

"It seems ridiculous, but where you place things that you need multiple times on a daily basis comes down to space and which hand you use (e.g., dish soap, hand soap, etc. Basically anything on a counter in a kitchen or a bathroom)."

"This also applies to height differences. Sometimes we really, literally have to find the in-between, or accept that one or the other will be doing it for themselves and it’s not insulting. It’s just really for the best sanity of us both."

- HGLiveEdge

Cherish the Time

"I must say, for me, it would be Time. Time moves SOOOOO very slow, and SOOOOOOOOOOOOO very fast."

"I married my wife yesterday."

"We closed on our first house yesterday."

"We had our boys YESTERDAY."

"I finished our basement with my own two hands (and my best friends’ hands) yesterday."

"We sold our first home yesterday."

"My father passed away YESTERDAY."

"My boys started high school and middle school yesterday."

"I just made an @ss of myself tonight and needed to apologize to my wife! (This actually was tonight.)"

"Seriously, everything feels like yesterday, but it is moving by so quickly. I’m just trying to hold on, thankfully, she’s here with me."

- pencerules

Marriage Plus Kids

"Everyone was wrong, marriage changed nothing."

"But children... Children change everything."

- korinth86

"100% agree. We lived together before we got married. Absolutely nothing in our relationship changed. But kids. Oh lord, that changes everything."

- StannVeal

Medically Responsible

"It changes who can kick whom out of the hospital room. And that was why I got married."

"My husband got married for the feel’s and the frilly stuff. I got married so he/we inherit each other's stuff and get the final say on end-of-life stuff (it was a rough couple of years, I lost a lot of family in a short span)."

"Can all that be done separately from marriage? YEP. Is it viewed as seriously? Nope. Can it be done as easily and in one fell swoop? Nope."

"(This, more than the feelings, to me, is why people should be able to marry whom they choose, regardless of gender.)"

- sageautumn

Right in the Feels

"I like saying, 'My wife…' even more than I thought I would."

"We’ve each been married before, and we were together for 7 years before we got around to getting married (we knew where it was going very early). I didn’t think it would feel like that big of a deal to say, but… I love my wife, and the experience of referring to her is enough to make me smile."

- BetweenCoffeeNSleep

While there were some tough realities mixed into this list, most of the experiences shared here were heartwarming.

Marriage might be diminished by some to be just a piece of paper, but for those who take the symbolism seriously, there is some real happiness in store for them.