People Divulge The Hardest Parts About Being Gay
Life as a member of the LGBTQ+ community is easy...said nobody ever.
History has shown that society has never been accepting of marginalized people, particularly in the gay community.
The coming out experience often includes people responding to the revelation with questions like "why would anyone would choose to live a life of constant ridicule?"
While being gay is–once and for all–not a choice, cynics got one part right with the notion that gay people are subject to harassment and bullying for being different.
Curious to hear of the struggles that come with being othered, Redditor shiraah asked:
"Gay people of reddit, whats the hardest part about being gay?"
Listen to their voices. They need to be heard.
We Are Strangers In A Strange Land
"It makes you feel like a foreigner in your own land. Society is set up for heteronormatity and being gay means that you never fully fit in."
"Sure western society has accepted us a bit more in the last decade, but we still aren't really, 'normal.'"
"Straight people will casually drop things about their boyfriend, or fiance in public without a second thought. But I have to read the room before talking about that."
"Most doctors act weird at first when you talk to them about sexual health. They all seem to assume I have undiagnosed HIV or something."
"Gay men seem to develop at a different rate, so in many ways, our only true, 'peers' are other gay men. But since we are only 3% of the population, it can be really hard to find a circle."
"On top of that, 30ish percent of the US population still hates us. You never know when you are in the presence of an unsafe person."
"Interacting with children is actually terrifying because at any point in time, the parents can accuse you of grooming. This is especially true with teenagers. I really wish the older gay community could mentor teenage gay boys. But there is simply no safe way to discuss sexuality with them. We have to just blanket exclude everyone under 18 for the safety of the community."
"I see boys on Reddit all the time, freaking out at the realization that they are gay. But I can't console them. Its not safe. I actually have several events scheduled in my calendar that say, 'x reddiitor is now 18, follow up and make sure he understands sexual health.'"
I Just Want To Hold Their Hand
"always being on edge/on guard when ur out with ur partner in public. not sure if you can hold their hand or kiss them or show any kind of affection. it’s sucks, i just wanna hold their hand walking thru the park but it’s a 50/50 chance if it’s gonna be fine or if someone’s gonna do something to us"
These Redditors shared their experiences involving friends who were supposed "allies."
"I grew up in a smaller town. I’m bi, so a little of this, a little of that. I had some gay porn between my mattress and box spring. Some 'friends' and my ex gf found it while I was at work. That sh*t spread like f'king wildfire. My ex gf and her new bf had a blast outing me to anybody who would listen. This was all about 15 years ago and it haunts me to this day. When I texted her and begged her to stop, she responded with 'HAHAHAHAHAHA!' and we never spoke again."
"Now that it’s 'cool' and 'progressive' to support LGBTQ+ rights, she’s 'aN aLl' and 'sUpPoRtS lOvE' 2,000 miles away from our hometown.
"F'k you, Candace."
"When I was in high school, still in the closet, I had a super close male friend. Never any romantic feelings there, we were both just awkward kids who got each other. One day he was over at my house and we were play wrestling, and I remember thinking 'if I come out, we are never going to be able to do this again.'”
"A few months later, I came out to a girl in our friend group. I specifically asked for her advice and emotional support coming out to him, because I knew he had conservative parents and it was going to be a difficult conversation. You know where this is going. She told him I had a crush on him, then started telling anybody who would listen. He never talked to me again, fell in with a weird crowd, and now he’s a MAGA republican."
"I came home from school that day and had to immediately come out to my Catholic parents, worried that they would hear it from someone else. That whole experience was terrible, I won’t bore you with the details."
"Then a few months ago I see this girl post about the importance of being an ally. I have never in my life wanted so badly to throw a massive social media tantrum."
The hard part is over after coming out. But then, new challenges arise.
"It’s lonely. Especially if you’re not an extrovert or ‘mainstream’ gay person."
Isolation From Within
"This and hating the whole hookups culture hurt the most. I read too many things about gay guys always hooking up and only looking for hookups, so I just kinda end up excluding myself from the gay community. Then being in heavily religious states causes me to feel excluded in the straight communities I’ve been in because either they talk about gays being 'sinful' or talk about girls and I just stand there and nod."
"Trying to gauge if someone is gay or not before asking them out."
Fearing A Negative Response
"I've never asked out a guy because I have this fear that a straight guy will take offense and punch me. I know it's unlikely, but it sticks in the back of my mind."
"Edit- just want to say that I greatly appreciate the positive comments, I'm overwhelmed and hope I'm lucky enough to hit on some of you straight guys someday :)"
As a gay, cisgender male, I'm always coming out to people I meet for the first time, either through a mutual friend or at a family function.
I don't mind opening up to people about my self-identity.
However, it can be tedious, constantly feeling the need to explain who I am to certain individuals who grew up in a hetereonormative environment as a preface to getting acquainted.
Rather than demanding gay people conform to the concept of a "normal" society, the change should be coming from society to normalize acceptance and compassion toward LGBTQ+-identifying people.
There have been significant strides for progress, but the fact that we're still having a conversation about the hardships of being gay reveals we still have a ways to go.
When it comes to fast food places, no two places are the same. Wendy's spicy chicken nuggets are far superior to those from McDonald's, while no one does milkshakes quite like Dairy Queen.
I have always preferred burgers from In-N-Out, but my brother will always go for Five Guys.
There will always be debates when it comes to which establishment does fast food the best.
The biggest debate surrounds the ultimate side dish: french fries.
No one can ever seem to agree on which fast food chain has the best french fries, but that doesn't stop the debate. Redditors are engaged in that very debate as we speak!
It all started when Redditor Seraphicly329 asked:
"Which fast food chain restaurant has the best fries?"
"In and Out. Watching them slice up them fresh potatoes makes me feel something special. Especially when dipped in that thousand island special sauce mmmmm"
Don't Know What You're Missing
"Checkers!!! My current pregnancy craving. Thanks alot for reminding me to get the fry lovers size on my way home from work."
"Anyone who doesn't say checkers has never had checkers' fries."
"But to expand on this... anyone notice how all of their other foods suck?"
"I haven’t had these fries since I was a kid vacationing in Florida. I’m from the great white north and I totally came here to say that checkers fries are the bomb!!"
Fries Of Yore
"I've had this debate with my dad a lot."
"He says it's McDonalds."
"I don't have a definitive favorite, but if I had to choose, I pick the old Wendy's fries, before they did this Crispy version. I just loved the Sea Salt flavor they used."
"(I don't dislike the new fries, but I vastly prefer the older ones)"
"Wendy's sh*t the bed with their new fries. Now it's McDonald's."
"Wendy's old ones 100% I love how the were thick cut and when they got all floppy they were the bomb."
Curly Is Aways Better
"Ngl I’ve always been craving Jack in the Box curly fries. But that’s just me."
"Arby's curly fries are GOATed."
"I like my fries to have a crispy outside, and a soft fluffy inside. Arby's Curly Fries do meet that specification, when you get the big long curls, however every time I order them, I get 1-2 good curls on the top of the box, then 3/4 of the box is filled with all short hard bits. Ugh."
"And the Krinkly Fries are exactly the opposite, all soft and fluffy, with no crisp whatsoever."
"IF I could get a box of all long curls, they would be #1 on my list."
"McDonald’s for skinny"
"Jack in the Box for curly (which is a shame because I live 6 hours from the nearest jbox these days!)"
"KFC Australia. The UK KFC fries are horrific"
"Don’t know about either but the US KFC fries are delicious"
"The KFC fries in the UK are actually nice now. They used to need 4 sachets of salt to make them edible."
Once You Go To Five Guys...
"Five guys. The fact that these fries haven't forced the entire industry to adapt is crazy to me."
"Going to any other fast food place, getting a large fry makes me laugh and wonder why the hell I didn't go to 5G."
I Dare You To Argue
"Bojangles, if anyone disagrees I will fight you"
"Took me way too long to find this but 100%! Especially when they are fresh and seasoned just right. No other fast food restaurant even comes close IMO"
Cajun Is The Best
"Five Guys cajun fries. Those fries are some of the best GD fries you'll ever have in your life"
"overall? i think wendys [MA] but a close second is popeyes. Cajun fries are amazing"
"It’s not fast food, but if you ever come across a restaurant called Hot N Juicy, get the Cajun fries. I don’t think it’s too big of a chain, but they set up shop in Cali, AZ, Florida, Vegas, idk which other states but good God it’s some good fries every time"
Only One Right Answer
"It is funny to see all the people who have never been to Runza give answers that aren't Runza"
"The correct answer is Runza."
"I don't care what anyone says, In N Out fries on a good day are God-tier. There is no better fast food french fry. Consider that they use Kennebec, the superior fry potato, and sunflower oil, which is top tier frying oil. They cut potatoes on site.
Of course there is going to be some variation compared to the mass factory-produced shake shack fries that are formed from a batter, but you can hardly call those fries."
Best For These Reasons
"Hear me out, I think Nacho Fries from Taco Bell are the best for 3 reasons:"
- "Crispy. If you get them fresh they are fluffy on the inside and crispy on the outside. They're on point."
- "Seasoning. Cajun seasoning is also pretty decent where you can get it, but nacho seasoning is better in my opinion."
- "Sauce. Comes with Nacho Cheese, which is perhaps the best pairing for spuds, followed closely by ranch variants. Chilli cheese fries are better, but in my opinion are a different category of food item."
A Full Analysis
"I've found Wendy's fries are usually pretty good but I'm not a fan of their morning wedges or whatever they're called."
"Arby's are okay. The crinkle-cut fries are meh. The curly fries are slightly better but not as good as they used to be when the stores made their own in-house (a very long time ago)."
"Sonic fries are okay."
"I haven't been to an A&W or Long John Silver's in a while (they moved out some years ago) but I liked the fries okay."
"McDonald's are thin and often cold and sometimes quite greasy and over-salted."
"Burger King fries are no better than McDonald's."
"I despise Five Guys. They're usually soaking wet."
"Haven't had In-and-Out in a long time but I always felt they tasted a little better than cardboard. Even with salt on them."
"I haven't had KFC, Popeyes or Taco Bell in a while so I can't rate them. Haven't been to a White Castle in a long time either... I usually just went for the burgers."
"There are probably others but I don't remember or haven't tried."
Only When Fresh
"McDonald's fries when they're fresh and properly salted are no joke. We've all been eating them forever so we're just used to them I think."
"I think McDonald's fries are the best if they're fresh and prepared correctly . . . which seems to be rare these days."
"Properly salted McDonald's fries, they're literally heaven."
"McDonald’s for me and it’s not close"
In The Area
"Where I live, McDonalds first, Wendy’s second."
There are a lot of different opinions here!
I think what I learned is that it's less about the establishment and more about the location. The fries from my Popeye's may be far superior to one in the next state over, but their Shake Shack may show up the one in my area.
One thing we can all agree on: the mission to find the perfect french fries will never end!
Some people will just believe anything.
And if you call a statement a fact long enough, many people take it as gospel.
Some facts are absolute truths, others can be malleable.
Lies are exposed.
And research is an actual art form.
Redditor OfficialVickiLuv wanted to share the truths we need to know, so they asked:
"What is a common 'fact' that you know is bulls**t?"
There is no such thing as an alternative fact.
So let's start there.
Not a Forestthe ice pirates shaving GIF by Warner ArchiveGiphy
"Shaving makes your hair grow back thicker."
"I used to believe this one. I was very disappointed when I learned it was BS."
"There are two kinds of thinkers: Right brain people are who are creative, and the people that use the left side who can do math."
"Try telling that to psychologists/psychiatrists who do research/clinical studies/trials. I’ve been denied dozens of times to partake in research studies revolving around mental health, specifically depression, and anxiety."
"Why did they deny me [even tho I was a perfect candidate]? Because I write with my left hand. And apparently it would make their study 'invalid' because they 'don’t want to interfere with results.'"
"Please tell me how excluding a large amount of people from a research study would somehow give you the correct answer for treating mental health for everybody?"
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
"Especially with children, the quicker the police can get to the 'crime' scene the fresher the evidence and easier to follow leads. I used crime in quotes because there could have been a crime or the kid might have just wandered off."
"But it's not just for kids though... If you know someone is a home body and never leaves home and you know something has happened, by all means call the police. Even if they like to take random trips, it never hurts to inform the law."
"Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis."
"Probably just normal. Cracks are just little bubbles of nitrogen that settle where there's space. They don't build up over time, once the space is occupied by a little bubble then no more can join it. A knuckle that hasn't been cracked in 50 years is the same as a knuckle that hasn't been cracked in a few hours."
Give a HowlAngry Wolf GIF by CuriosityStreamGiphy
"Alpha wolves being real. The guy who did the original study disproved his one study and gets mad when people get it wrong now... lol."
"Came looking for this, also extrapolating this BS to human beings and 'sigma,' go read. The articles are all available. It's nonsense that people still believe s* like this with access to everything in their hands."
The wolf pack is always ready.
TriviaFacts GIF by Judge JerryGiphy
"A 'factoid' is an often repeated statement that isn't true, but is now believed to be true due to people saying it all the time. Its not a mini fact, or like, fun piece of trivia."
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. The quote was made by Kellogg's to make people buy more cereal. If you search up articles that say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, most are sponsored by Kellogg's."
"I’m not sure Kellogg’s made it up. In my country there’s a saying that’s been around forever that alludes to the importance of breakfast that goes 'have breakfast like a king and dinner like a poor person.' Kellogg’s might’ve simply exploited an existing popular belief."
"Caffeine makes you short."
"This one makes me laugh. I've been drinking coffee since I was like 9 years old and turned out 190cm tall."
"Potatoes absorb toxins. The amount of people that believe putting potato slices in your shoes or wear them around your neck as a holistic medical treatment is shockingly high. It’s just oxidation."
"I recall seeing a antivaxx meme that said if you had to get a COVID shot to put a potato slice at the injection site to absorb all the toxins. I’m all for sharing that idea if it makes people get vaccinated."
Look OutFlying Fox Bat GIF by Barbara PozziGiphy
"Bats are blind."
"I remember getting into a really stupid argument shortly after high school with a friend over this who just couldn't believe that bats weren't actually blind."
"Fine. Bats are legally blind."
Now I've learned more.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
Movies can mold who we are.
Some stories caught on film leave an impression that we take with us through our dying breaths.
That's why the arts and artists are so vital.
But there are some movies and specifically movie moments that can be to much to rewatch.
We may love the movie, but a certain scene may always be on the fast forward list.
Sometimes it's all too real.
Redditor KentuckyFriedEel wondered what movie moments have left scars for life, so they asked:
"Which movie scene is really hard to sit through and watch?"
The death of Artax in 'The Neverending Story.'
Scared me for life.
Stop Dialingvince vaughn beer GIFGiphy
"Swingers. Mike calling and leaving messages over and over for the girl whose phone number he got at the bar."
"Never. Call. Me. Again."
"Trainspotting. Specifically the scene where they wake up from their drug induced haze to find the dead baby. The decomposition effect made to look like they neglected to check on her for DAYS... Then their best and only response is to shoot up and get high again. Dull the pain. Just tragic."
"A very good portion of the original French version of Martyrs."
"That movie is both the definition of gore porn, but also a solid story that makes sitting through how uncomfortable it is completely worth it. It’s unfortunate that Hollywood somehow made a mostly shot for shot remake and completely ruined the movie."
"My housemate and I watched Martyrs and spent like the next three days talking about it, that movie was INTENSE."
"Green Mile. I leave when Mr Jingles chases the thread bobbin, and again for the execution scene gone wrong. I've seen both scenes once. Don't need to see that again."
"The book is as heart-wrenching as the movie. It's my all-time favorite Stephen King book, but it's tough to get through."
"When I saw that execution scene as a kid I was at a friend's house and decided to go home right there. Came back next day to finish it though cause didn't wanna get made fun of."
Just No!Bom Dia Hello GIFGiphy
"Annihilation. The bear quietly screaming. ‘Help me.'"
"Absolutely not, thank you."
Never saw that one. Maybe I'll take a peek.
Too ToughToni Collette Crying GIF by A24Giphy
"Hereditary. Watching the kid just pull up to the bed is pretty tough to watch. The scream by the mom the next morning is also pretty tough."
"I've never gone back and watched it again, because it skeeved me out so much, but that scene in Dr. Sleep, where the Shine Vampires are stealing all the shine from that kid through pain was ROUGH."
"I came here to say this. Jacob Tremblay practiced for months before the scene to be sure he could get it right. When the time came to shoot it he did so well that all the Shine Vampires forgot their lines and struggled to finish the scene. The first time I saw it was pretty traumatizing."
"The shower scene in Schindlers List. It took me years to get through it, even though it ends up just being a shower and not a gas chamber. Also the Tony episode on the new Dahmer series. I was hysterical watching it and feel sick thinking about how much real people suffered because of him."
"I watched Schindlers List for the first and only time a few years ago and couldn't stop crying after."
"The scene in the SpongeBob movie where SpongeBob and Patrick dry up."
"I know this guy that loved movies and would give me all these high brow recommendations. One Saturday morning, I decided I wanted to watch a movie and was considering one of his recommendations. I watched the SpongeBob movie instead. And I made the right choice. Saturday morning is for cartoons."
War CrimesScreaming Matt Damon GIFGiphy
"Saving Private Ryan - when the German soldier is plunging the knife into Mellish."
"For me it is when the medic is dying after attacking the machine gun nest. All those soldiers standing around absolutely helpless."
"Oh God don't get me started. Only scene from a movie that gets my physically angry."
All good movies. All to never watch again.
Every person, and every relationship, is unique, and that includes what makes each partner deeply and truly happy, or annoyed.
Since all of us have our little quirks, it makes sense that our partners would enjoy some of them but not others.
But it's hard to tell how each behavior will be received.
Redditor HotWife_Aisha asked:
"What quirky thing does your partner do?"
"She makes this cute nasally 'hmm' when I get in bed after she's asleep. I don't know why but it makes me happy."
It's the Effort That Counts
"My wife never screws a lid back on a jar. She just gives the lid a 1/100th of a turn so that it just sort of, kind of, possibly latches just long enough to make it halfway from the counter to the fridge."
"She hoards gas station cups. The disposable ones. That most people would throw away."
"She's not re-using them, either. She just empties them in the sink and then leaves them next to the sink."
"I regularly go in and throw them away, but I think my record disposal at one time was like 15. Just chillin' in our bathroom."
What Personal Space?
"My wife is native Italian."
"Italians are weird. It's like they have ZERO concept of personal space."
"I, am a New Yorker. Personal space, is our thing. You don't get too close... you don't rub up on people on the Subways... you leave a little space between the person you are talking to."
"Italians, will get up like nose to nose with you. Stand RIGHT behind you. Like leaving NO space."
"Often I will be in the kitchen, making tea or something and I turn around and BAM, it's like my wife wants to stand in my shadow. Or I am getting something out of the closet, and back up, and BAM, she is like right there... trying to become ONE with me or something... instead of walking around, and just leaving that inch or two of personal space to allow movement."
"All her relatives are like this too. When they talk to me, it's like they are standing on my toes... that close. Like, back the f**k up a step or two. D**n, it's creepy."
It Gets Better Before It Gets Worse
"Any recently decluttered area becomes new grounds for more cluttering."
His Version is Better
"He cannot properly remember the lyrics to any song. And he insists on singing it his way even after he’s been corrected about the lyric."
"He stutters for a word, and when I give him the word he's looking for, he says, 'YES! THAT!' and goes on with what he was saying."
"She literally cannot stop dropping and breaking things like plates, sunglasses, etc."
"She's a really talented athlete and smart to boot but oddly clumsy. I think it's cute... But it gets expensive."
Make It an Experience
"He likes a special kind of spoon for his coffee."
"About two years ago, when I realized that our set of cutlery was missing several parts (where the h**l do they go?!) I bought a new one, but since the old cutlery was alright, just incomplete, I didn't throw it away. Now we have two sets of cutlery in the drawer, but always use matching ones for the table."
"Before that, my husband had complained that sometimes he won't find a clean teaspoon because they were either dirty or in the dishwasher, so I bought a separate set of six teaspoons that look different from both of our cutlery sets."
"We have also a few of these teaspoons that you sometimes find in the big teabag boxes of Ahmad Tea, which I drink daily, as a freebie. So all in all, there are four different kinds of teaspoons in our household."
"He only uses the fancier ones from the second set of cutlery for his coffee, because they look nicer, he says."
"He's never asked me for it, but he did mention it once when he was making coffee for himself."
"Since then, every time I bring him coffee, I make sure that it's served with his favorite kind of spoon. He's over 60 and some would regard it childish, but what's the harm in considering his preference?"
"One day I went to kiss my wife and she just started breaking out laughing. She tried and tried to keep a straight face to kiss me back but couldn’t."
"When she could finally contain her laughter enough to talk, she asked, 'What if I just blew into your mouth when you tried to kiss me?'"
"Just the thought alone had her in stitches for a solid minute. Predictably, she blew into my mouth when I went to kiss her after this exchange. That was a couple of years ago and she still does it here and there, but not often enough that I keep my guard up. It catches me off guard every. Single. Time."
"Anyway, she’s hilarious and I love that she keeps me on my toes!"
Comfy Blanket Burritos
"She wraps herself in a blanket and adorably says that she’s a burrito."
Cute Ulterior Motive
"Every time SHE wants to do something, she will say it in the form of a question directed towards me."
"Like, 'Hey, do YOU want to have a bite of one of these cookies?'"
"Or, 'Babe, do YOU want to try this wine?'"
"I don’t actually think she realizes she does it every time."
"To clarify, this isn’t a bad thing. It just makes me laugh every time before I inevitably say, 'Yeah, sure.'"
That One Time...
"When she’s telling a story and says 'the other day,' it can mean any time from this morning to five years ago."
"He talks to himself. Homeboy's internal monologue is external."
"It's kinda nice never having to wonder what he's thinking."
The Good Outweighs the Bad
"The annoying thing: uses every knob as a hanger for some bag or kitchen towel. Every time I have to use a drawer, I have to move something."
"The cute thing: she is very excited about the little things in life. We went on a walk today with rain boots to jump in each puddle on the way."
Every person has their own little set of quirks that makes them truly themselves.
Some of these actions might prove to be annoying to some people, but to just the right person, it might prove to be their favorite thing about their other half.