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Asking questions is a natural part of learning about the world around you. Sometimes those questions can be awkward, or you want to avoid inadvertently hurting someone with your question.


Here are some LGBTQ+ folks' answers to questions straight people have been wanting to know about but haven't been able to ask.

Reddit user u/KingOfCranes asked:

"[Serious] Straight people of reddit, what's something you've always wanted to ask an LGBTQ+ person?"


10.

Are you worried when you hit on someone that they'll take it poorly?

-anon223243

If by take it poorly, you mean could bash me up or kill me, or out me to a bunch of people who could, then yeah, I get worried.

It's why LGBTQ+ safe spaces and events (ranging from small businesses or community groups to clubs and bars to Pride and Mardi Gras) are just so important and necessary; so that fear is minimized, just a bit.

-xernyvelgarde

It's a slowww process when you don't know their sexuality.

Usually you start up a casual friendship and casually drop that you're gay. If they come out to you in response, the lines are pretty much open.

-ARSONITE

9.

I honestly don't understand gender-fluidity/non-binary. I thought the whole point of gender equality was to recognize that certain traits don't have to be distinctly masculine or feminine, so men and women don't have to feel ashamed or awkward about pursing careers and interests that were traditionally geared towards a certain gender.

Where does non-binary and gender-fluidity fit into this? By saying that you sometimes feel like a man, and sometimes feel like a woman, aren't you just perpetuating the idea that certain feelings, interests and desires are the domain of a certain gender?

-mummakayne

Gender roles, gender expression, and gender identity are all separate.

Gender roles are socially constructed concepts that push different biological sexes into different jobs, roles, and even interests. "Men are doctors, women are nurses" is an of a gender role. Deconstructing gender roles is an important step towards equality.

Gender expression is based in gender roles. It's about choosing to follow stereotypically feminine roles, stereotypical masculine roles, both, or neither. This is present in careers, hobbies, clothes, and things like personality. Placing things as feminine or masculine is part of age old gender roles and we wouldn't lose any thing if things weren't feminine or masculine. However, allowing people to choose their own expression is a step foward, even if it's rooted in traditional gender roles.

Gender identity is internal rather than external. Most people are cisgender, identifying with their birth sex. A small number of people are transgender, identifying with something outside of their birth sex. Most transgender people are binary, meaning that they are male to female or female to male. Not all trans women are stereotypically feminine; some are tomboys. Not all trans men are stereotypically masculine; some are very effeminate. This is because gender is separate from both sex and gender roles. Gender isn't a feeling like happiness or sadness. It's honestly something that isn't fully explained by the scientific community. It's a feeling in the sense that being called he/him feels right (or she/her for trans women). Transgender people choose to be seen outwards as what makes them comfortable. And many of them are gender non-conforming. E.g. a trans man that wears skirts and make-up.

Non-binary is an umbrella term that encompasses everything that is neither fully man nor fully woman. Every non-binary person is different most have a different experience of gender than even other non-binary people. Non-binary people can take on any gender role or gender expression they want, just like men and women can. Their gender identity is internal, meaning that they label themselves with whatever term or set of terms feels right.

Genderfluid people have an internal identity that changes. They can choose to always present in a masculine or a feminine way, because gender roles and expression don't equal identity. But they're internal identity can go from gender neutral to fully male, fully female to gender neutral, fully female to fully male, partially female to fully male, and any combination thereof.

Tldr: Gender roles are a social construct. Gender expression is constructed around gender roles. Gender identity is internal and seperate from both of these.

-Roguish_Ravenen

Hey! Genderfluid person here.

Traits such as feeling masculine or feminine isn't what makes my gender feel different some days. Heck, I can identify entirely as a girl but just feel really masculine and so I dress that way. Gender involves just feeling deep in your gut, regardless of appearance that you are a certain gender. Interests, desires, and expression have nothing to do with it, though many dress a certain way to pass.

-gay_goth_ghost

8.

Is the male "gay voice" a natural thing, or is it something people do on purpose?

-Shin-hyperboloid

kind of both, the gay male community has a fair degree of feminine men who may speak higher, but that male femininity becomes part of the 'culture' of the gay community, so people tend to play up that femininity and that can be through exaggerating a lisping tone. It may not be a conscious process, but it can also be quite liberating to express characteristics that they have grown up feeling they have to repress.

Its a similar thing in lesbian communities, a lot of lesbian women describe how they have always been more masculine than other women, but now the 'short haired tomboy' look is absolutely iconic in lesbian communities.

-Mediocre_Note

I've had that voice since I could talk. I'm not entirely sure how I came to have to have it (my theory is that I got it from almost exclusively hanging out with girls as a child and picking up their speech patterns) but it's certainly not something I put on. I can put on a "straight voice" on purpose, though.

-punkterminator

7.

Trans folks, how would you like us medical people to respectfully address your transition? I am comfortable asking about preferred pronoun use, but struggle to address questions about where you may be in your transition. Information about the lack of or the addition of physical parts is often vital to forming proper a treatment plan, and I really would love to be respectful and non offensive when asking such personal questions.

I want all my patients to feel safe. I want to advocate for my patients. Offer them a non judgmental and open environment in which to receive care and heal well. I want to ensure that proper, appropriate,quality healthcare is available to them. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

-Mojothewonderdog

but struggle to address questions about where you may be in your transition.


I can't speak for all trans people, but when it comes to a medical situation, I'm completely open about all aspects of my transition. Just ask in a respectful way, and you'll get the info you need.

I've had a GP ask if I was going to get the surgery. That was not the right way to ask.

-NorthAU

Be upfront about your reasons for asking. And make sure they have the option of privacy if at all possible, so they don't get outed by random people nearby.

"Hi. I know this may be uncomfortable, but I will need to ask you some questions about the specifics of your medical transition to allow me to develop a safe treatment plan. If you're uncomfortable with any of the questions I ask, please let me know and I'll be happy to talk to you about why the question is important to the treatment you may need."

-cryonius

6.

How would you go about finding a partner? Like you gotta make sure the person is also gay/bi..so how? Do you ask or something?

-MangoeMan7

God bless the internet.

Also, this is why gay bars are an important part of LGBT+ culture. It's a place where asking if someone is gay is a safe thing to do.

-ZeroGravitas_Ally

5.

What do children call their same sex parents to differentiate them?

-CaughttheDarkness

Dad(dy)/Papa or Mom(my)/Momma are common

-KidOrenge

Mommy and Mamma are what my children (3 year old twins) use. My exwife and I are getting a divorce, and I'm now with a male. My daughter has started occasionally referring to my partner as Daddy, though it's mostly his first name. The ex and I had to have a chat about that at first (as straight folks would), and we have decided that a permanent step parent is okay to be referred to as a parent. So my kids have a Mommy, a Mamma and a Daddy/Nate.

-stormtiger88

4.

Do you ever feel that being apart of the LGBTQ+ community has impacted your life negatively, or stoped/got in the way of your dreams or passions.

-bitchimamess

Sure, it got me fired from a 100K per year job.

-SleepNowMyThrowaway

Are you f***ing serious?!?

-jlsullivan

"Is that even legal?"

Yes, I live in Nebraska, a state where you can be fired on the basis of sexual orientation. An amazing state senator named Megan Hunt (who gives me hope for our state's future) tried to make it illegal to fire someone for being gay this year. Sadly, the bill did not pass by a long shot. I think that people don't really realize how legalized discrimination is for lgbt+ people.

-coralilith

Recognizing gay marriage nationally did just that and only that- recognizing the right to marry. You can get married Sunday, and get evicted, lose your job, and be publicly harassed Monday.

-spaceofaquestion

3.

Did you feel happier/more fullfiled when you realized and/or came out?

-R3no96

I was always 'out' but when I stopped trying to be femme and started dressing and having my hair how I wanted, it was incredible. I took a photo series as I buzzed my hair and it is visibly changing my entire outlook as I go from long hair to a buzz cut. I couldn't stop smiling. I feel at ease so much more now, centred within myself in a way I hadn't before.

And it feels a bit silly - it's just hair and wearing pants, and I'll still femme up sometimes - but in my daily life being on the masculine side of centre (soft butch kinda thing) it makes such a huge difference to my entire sense of self and comfort.

-handsofanautomaton

Yes- because I was able to share more aspects of my life with friends/family.

I think what straight people don't realize is that it's not just who you're dating, which celebs you think are cute, etc. that you feel as though you have to hide from those you aren't out with- its anything your brain thinks could lead to those topics.

It just lifts the anxiety burden off of deep, meaningful and even not-so-meaningful conversation with those you love.

-spaceofaquestion

2.

What pronouns do you use for someone who doesn't identify as male or female? (sorry if I worded that offensively idk this stuff well)

-muchacha8

You'll have to ask them yourself. People often use they/them, but they sometimes use multiple pronouns. People off the gender binary can still use she/her and he/him, as well as neopronouns. Pronouns don't always align with gender, which may confuse some people, but the important thing to do is be respectful and use the pronouns people ask you to use. Communication is important. Also, if they aren't out yet, make sure you ask them who you should and should not use their preferred pronouns in front of. (Also, there's nothing offensive about your question.)

-Jumabu02

1.

Is "pride" celebrating the fact that you are LGBTQ or the fact that you by and large are no longer persecuted (I know some are but you aren't being lynched by members of the government a la Nazi times) for your lifestyle? If its the first I do not understand the reasoning behind it. I am not proud to be straight, I simply am. If this idea were to come across an gay persons mind would they think "I am not proud to be gay I simply am" was a negative thought?

-Turtle_Universe

Not so much "proud to be gay" as "not ashamed to be gay". There is a lot of societal pressure to be ashamed to be gay. The Pride celebration is about the refusal to be ashamed and the refusal to hide and lie and live a double life.

I mean, imagine yourself having to hide the fact that you're straight. Don't mention to anyone that you're in a romantic relationship. Be careful at work - what if someone finds out? Don't tell some of your family members - they'll never speak to you again. Does your doctor know and will they drop you as a patient if they find out? And so on and so forth, for years and years and years. It slowly grinds you down. At some point, you're either reduced to an emotionally-repressed cypher of a person, or you just say "F**k it!"

The Pride parade is that "F**k it".

-HappyCharacter3

We are conditioned to feel shame for who we are. Many of us are abused, disowned, made homeless, beaten, and killed for who we are, and YES even today. The area I grew up in, the parents I had, all worked to try to make me feel ashamed of my sexuality and to hide it.

Pride began in 1970 to mark the anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, when homosexuality was illegal (by the way, gay sex was still illegal in many US states until 2003) and we fought back against police raids of gay bars and police brutality against gays. We had real open movement until that time, because people were too afraid to lose their lives for coming out. Marching in the streets as an open gay person then was a completely radical act that could have ruined your life. But they did it anyway to demand freedom for us. We celebrate pride now, in part, the remember their courage and strength, which some people died for, to give us our rights.

And most importantly, the point of pride is go out in public and rebuke the world that told us to feel SHAME for who we are and say "f**k you, I am PROUD to be the way I am". It is so liberating to be with other queer people out in public and happy, knowing that many of us have no ties to our families anymore and so many have dealt with years of self-doubt and struggle to get to where we are now. It is about affirming each other. We have overcome a lot of oppression in the past decades as a community. We have overcome a lot in our lives, some more than others, that for that we are proud.

-BathingMachine


Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

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Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

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