
Relationships can be difficult, and a good relationship will always require some compromises.
Sometimes people change over time. If it gets to the point that all you're doing is compromising or excusing the other party's behavior, you've no longer got a relationship.
Reddit user u/pharmapharmacy asked:
20.
She was on the rebound from an engagement with a guy by the same name and had only been in town for a couple hours before we met. She always wanted me around, which I found flattering, and believed it was because she really cared and liked the things I did. As it turned out, she was pathologically unable to spend time alone, and just adapted her personality to whoever she was around. I needed to work, and was gone 8-12 hrs/day, so I moved us back near her family and friends where she grew up so she wouldn't be lonely. She became a different person because of that and we divorced. Same thing happened to the next guy. And the one after, I presume; I lost track.
That's really sad, actually. She sounds co-dependent. I know a friend like that, and it's truly heartbreaking watching her go from personality to personality, trying to be what she thinks someone else wants. It's exhausting and heartbreaking for her partners, too. At the end of it, everyone ends up feeling tired and betrayed.
19.
I was very sick, puking, shaking, sweating, and feeling like I was close to passing out on the bathroom floor.
He was playing on his phone the entire time. Not scared of puke, just completely uninterested in my well-being.
18.
Not me but what my mum heard from her MIL the day after she married my dad.
"I don't know why ___ got married, he's not a family man."
My mum thought she was just being cynical of her son, but she was 100% correct.
17.
That his mom was a damn lunatic. She could be your best friend or worst enemy, sometimes in the same day.
Did she ruin the relationship or did he begin to take on his mom's traits?
Good question, a little of both. She was also a habitual liar, and that's the trait he took on the most. He would forget what the true story was and tell his version to people that all knew better - just got sad by the end of our relationship.
16.
Oh yes, many red flags. I guess he wasn't 'completely' different after marriage.. He cheated on me a bunch, I forgave it all, then 2 months after the wedding he told me he was polyamorous. TOLD me, didn't ask if it's something we could try, whatever. So he started dating and sleeping with other women.
I was a total dumbass. He figured I was such a doormat before the wedding, that after it, he could really get away with whatever he wanted.
We are divorced, and I'm happier than I've ever been with a new man who has eyes only for me.
I'm not an expert, but that I'm pretty certain that is not how polyamory works. Dear lord.
Glad you're out and doing well.
I mean, there's nothing that says you can't be legitimately polyamorous and also an @sshole.
15.
He told me he wasn't happy with his 1st wife--no biggie. He'd been married once before (I'd been married once before). Not a red-flag. He'd never say anything bad about her, though. She wasn't crazy. He just 'tuned out' of the relationship.
About a year into the marriage, He tuned out of our relationship. He wasn't abusive---he just wasn't "there". He stopped communicating, stopped having sex with me, wouldn't discuss the problem much less anything else. Then he told me he didn't want to be married anymore. I tried to fix it for months but when I was sent to a new state for my job for a 6 month assignment and he categorically refused to come visit me (even when I offered to pay his travel expenses), I realized he wasn't 'coming back'. He was just going through the motions, like an automaton. I told him I wanted a divorce. The next Christmas he called me, drunk, and said he missed me, everything was his fault and he knew it. I told him to come to marriage counseling with me and we could fix this. He refused. He was with someone new not long after, so I heard on the grapevine.
I don't stalk him on line but I have a feeling anyone he marries will find him 'tuning out' in a year. Marriage is like a 'prison' to him. Once he says the vows and he's tied in, he feels trapped, so he emotionally leaves until you leave him---absolving him of the guilt. You were the one who left, after all. I feel really sorry for anyone who ends up with him. He was the greatest guy ever, really seductive in the beginning, flowers, romance, the works. A real charmer, great husband for the first 6-9 months and them BAM! He's off leaving you wondering what you did 'wrong' and why he didn't love you anymore. Which makes it so much harder to get over. If he'd at least abused me or cheated on me (or I'd caught him cheating?) or he had some other horrible flaw, I could have walked away with at least a sense of self-righteous rage to sustain me.
14.
My ex fiance after I asked her to marry me became clingy. She would call me and text through my entire work day and then if I didn't respond quick enough I'd get a passive aggressive text, voicemail, or email about how she feels like I'm cheating on her. Eventually I was tired of the accusation and the apologies i had given even though I did nothing wrong.
13.
She was a liar for attention. She tried telling me she was a twin, she wasn't. It was just minor things that to me just seemed stupid. She would lie about how she used to train dogs (she used to be a groomers assistant). She talked about everything she had plans for and seemed relatively put together.
Once we got married her lying didn't stop. Mainly when I asked "are you on tinder?"
12.
I got sick for a few years and she told me "I didn't sign up for this." Should have broken up then.
People are defending this as "honesty." I think it's a major red flag. It's one thing to express something like that in a serious conversation about the future. It's another to just say it for no reason.
My ex used to say, "if I ever feel X way I'll leave you and take my kids with me." Yeah...we weren't even married yet and didn't have kids.
11.
His family had f*cked up boundaries. And he had no opinions of his own when it came to them.
I wish I'd spotted this one ahead of time too. Having a f*cked up family isn't a big deal, there's skeletons in every closet. But sweeping it under the rug and pretending life is fine while people constantly violate your boundaries and privacy? That can destroy relationships.
10.
There were a million red flags, but I ignored all of them. How they treat literally everyone else will be how they treat you. If they lied to everyone, you can bet they do it to you too. I am an idiot, but now hopefully a wiser idiot. Probably not though. Keep walking into the same brand of rake.
9.
What his ex wife said about him as a parent. He told me that she was lying and that he did all of the work when they were together, she was lazy and wouldn't clean the house, and that she only cared about partying with her friends. Once I had a baby with him, I realized she was completely honest and I was on my own.
8.
When I met her parents and all they did was yell at each other.
Turns out that's how she thought couples should communicate.
It didn't end well.
Went through something similar with my husband. We had to learn how to fight. I am sorry she didnt feel like compromising or exploring another way to do things where both parties feel they can be heard.
7.
Never married but I was engaged. He was very smart and went to an Ivy League school and once told me a monkey could do my job. Always thought he was better than me and smarter than me and would put me down in front of his friends. Just brushed it all off. His self righteousness and never admitting he was wrong because he was so much smarter and better than me so I must be the wrong one all the time is what made me call off the wedding. Happy I dodged that bullet but pretty upset I let so many red flags slide for so long. Turns out I'm not always wrong and I'm actually pretty smart.
6.
Weird thing, but she couldn't be wrong.
Where I didn't pick up on the red flag was she could not be WRONG. She wasn't a know it all. She would admit if she was unsure. But if she put forth anything, a belief, a memory, she treated it like gospel truth. She could be ignorant, undecided, but not WRONG.
This lead to horrible arguments where she would refuse to believe how she remembered something, even if 3 other people were backing me up, happened.
5.
This happened after we got engaged and realized a month before marriage. I realized my fiance was selfish and only cared about herself. I finally had enough and broke it off with her and ate the cost of the wedding and it was the best decision I ever made. It was her second failed engagement and 10 years later she is still single and looking to rope another schmuck into her web. Saw her on a dating app and noticed she cut off 5 years off her age just a few months back, had a good laugh.
The biggest red flag I missed was early on we brought photo albums to a coffee date to share stories about our families etc. She brought two whole albums of photos of just herself in different outfits. I thought it was weird, but thought perhaps she wasn't comfortable sharing photos of her family yet. Turns out she only cares about herself and that I was right to be concerned and should've gone with my gut instincts early on.
4.
The most obvious red flag that I ignored was the pre-wedding planning. Prior to being engaged my desires were acknowledged and provided for or promised.
As we began planning the wedding, my opinion was not relevant unless it was to say "Yes, I agree with you". I was either being difficult, I was ignored, or we were made for each other!
This behavior continued through the marriage. She would ask my advice, if I didn't care I was an ahole and she would do what she wanted. If I said no, I was an asshole and she would do what she wanted. If I said Yes - I at least wasn't an asshole.
Compromise needs to work both ways.
3.
My husband and I got married kind of young. He was a workaholic when we met, very easy going, & was happy to stay home & chill instead of going out. He seemed to enjoy going out more the longer we were together, but I always had to be the one to make plans, or we'd never leave the house. The one thing I really wish I would have paid attention to was my concerns about how his family treated me, & his lack of concern for how I felt about it. He always dismissed my concerns. When I would tell him that they clearly didn't like me based on things they said to me, I was told I was over reacting.
I guess I thought their feelings towards me would change or that he would hear my concerns & believe what I was saying. I should have paid more attention to the fact that he never seemed to believe what I was saying his family was saying to me, & he always took their side. This has been a trend throughout our marriage, & after 28 years of what turned into a very dysfunctional marriage, we're getting divorced. I wish I would have seen from the beginning that he was always putting me & my feelings last. It was always up to me to fix, change, or do things in our marriage.
2.
I was in a relationship with a woman a decade older than me and she had a big personality. It was charming at first, until it wasn't. I was pretty young then (like 20ish) and reallllly naive. I just followed her every word because I thought she must be right. After all, she was a decade older than me. She would constantly put me down and make fun of the things that I liked. She would talk poorly about me in public, and the sad thing was my self esteem was so low, I just agreed with her. It didn't help that everyone around us called her "authentic" and "real," meaning that she was supposedly straight-forward and honest. Turns out; she was just very, very bitter and a bully.
A lot of her friends and coworkers, came forward about her manipulative and awful behavior. A couple of mentors and friends had to step in for me because they saw the emotional abuse happening. It took me a long time to realize what actually was going on and all the ways it affected, and sometimes still affects me. I've definitely got trust issues because of that.
Age is not an indicator of maturity as I have painfully discovered.
1.
I was talking to a girl for about two weeks and she went thru my phone. Usually, I would immediately walk away because that's insane. She found nothing and I decided it was OK because she was the first girl I've liked in awhile and I was tired of screwing around and having one night stands.
Fast forward 8 months and I find out she had hacked into my Instagram, Facebook and snapchat. And guess what, again found nothing. The relationship became toxic when I changed all my passwords and she was constantly questioning what I was doing and where I was.
I shouldve walked away the very first time she went thru my phone 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
- People Divulge The Biggest Red Flags Everyone Often Overlooks Early In A Relationship - George Takei ›
- Married People Divulge The Things They Miss About Being Single - George Takei ›
- People Share The Biggest Red Flags They Overlooked Because The Sex Was So Good - George Takei ›
- People Share Red Flags To Look Out For When Crushing On Someone New - George Takei ›
- People Divulge Which Games Can Actually Ruin A Relationship - George Takei ›
- People Explain Which Things Immediately Trigger Red Flags For Them - George Takei ›
- Men Share The Red Flags Guys Display That People Should Look Out For - George Takei ›
Dating and the search for love and companionship... What a nightmare.
This journey plays out nothing like in the movies.
Every Prince or Princess (or everything in BTW) seems to have a touch of the psycho.
The things people say during what should be simple dinner conversation can leave a dining partner aghast.
Like... do you hear you?
Redditor detroit_michigldan wanted to discuss all the best ways to crash and burn when trying to make a romantic connection. They asked:
"You're on a date and it's going really great. What can another person say to ruin it completely?"
I once had a guy ask me if I was willing to follow him into the woods, depending on the price of the meal.
Yeah. No steak is worth that.
Plans After...
"Thanks for the ride but I have a date with someone else, I figured you wouldn't drive me if you knew I was going on a date with someone else and I really needed a ride."
"Online dating, talked to her for a while, finally got the courage to ask her out and then she said that as we got there."
iareyours
Mirror Image
“'You look just like my wife!'”
catalinachild
"I did have a guy tell me I reminded him of his son. I don’t believe English has a word to adequately describe my feelings at that time."
UnicornMagicRainbow
"That would definitely do it."
chaotica78
Third Wheel
"'Hope you don't mind if my mother joins us.'"
ofsquire
"Actually had a girl do this on a first date because she had anxiety issues. Honestly wasn’t bad except that 90% of the time she was silent and her mom talked over her."
"I didn’t mind that much and wouldn’t have minded trying again when she was more comfortable except that she was let go at the company we worked at and she deleted her social media profiles and she never responded on her number. Ah well."
Seightx
Liar
"'Hey bro aren't you gay? I made out with you last night.'"
"Random dude I've never seen before in front of my (f) date."
JHXC16
Was he lying though?
Filter Issues
"'You looked better on Tinder.'"
waqasnaseem07
"Isn’t it basic knowledge that everybody looks slightly worse than the worst picture you can find?"
no_user_ID_found
The Past
"'My ex used to do that too.'"
xxIvyOF
"Yep. I’ve definitely had two otherwise-decent-guy date-situations sour because the ex-comparisons just would not stop flowing. No woman wants to be seen as interchangeable—I’m not here to perfectly fill that ex-sized hole in your life. Focusing on the present moment and a future we could build together is a courtesy we need to grant each other in earliest dates of dating."
LarkScarlett
Powerless
"'I'm an alpha, you cant handle my top energy.'"
Midnightgay28
"I actually left a dude in the middle of dinner, in part, for saying this. I ordered an Uber under the table while pretending to listen to him. Went to the bathroom, and never came back. That was when I was young. Now I’d just say, 'How about we enjoy this meal in silence, before we head our separate ways.'”
UnicornMagicRainbow
Mommy...
"'Mother says I should be back by 9.'"
"Saying 'mother says' just feels weird."
bunnyrut
"That gives me Norman Bates vibes."
Werewolf_lover20
"'Mother says alligators are aggressive because they have an overabundance of teeth, but lack a toothbrush.'"
sodaextraiceplease
Obvs...
"'If you were going to be murdered, what method would you prefer. Purely hypothetical. Obvs.'"
Specific_Tap7296
If it looks anything like a Dateline NBC episode... RUN!
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Despite the advancement of technology rendering people left to their own devices–literally–to entertain them, there are some leisurely activities that will never go out of style.
Or so you would think.
Do people still knit to pass the time? Are people actively collecting stamps?
It depends on who's asking.
Curious to hear about hobby trends, Redditor gizehgizeh asked:
"What are once popular hobbies that are slowly dying these days?"

Before we've become conditioned to living on our phones, these activities used to keep people occupied.
Before Texting, There Was This
"Letter writing."
– littlekingMT
Literal And Tangible Joy
"Well the internet killed pen pals for sure. I do remember I had a Japanese girl for a penpal maybe back in 2007 or so. I honestly don't remember how it started, pretty sure some website, but that was a fun experience. But now I can just straight up talk to foreign people real time, lol. But yea getting a physical letter that someone took the time to write and mail still is hard to beat feelings wise."
– skyburnsred
Model Trains
"When I was growing up, every town had a model train store in it. Now I have one in region and everything else has to be bought online."
– Hairy_Effective1172
Pretty Rocks
"Don’t see anyone playing marbles anymore, I had an awesome collection in school."
– sheeple85
"I had some marbles as a kid in the 90s. My grandma got them for me and I had no idea what I was supposed to do with them. I always imagined them as a thing kids in the 40s played with."
– Ryoukugan
People Were Moving Canvases
"Paintball has been dying a slow death since 2006. Sad, really."
– hobo_recycler
Before the general population began hating clutter, collecting was once a "thing."
Precious Coins
"Coin collecting... I'm a silver/gold nut and I'm always hunting for precious metal coins. whenever I go into a shop they get all excited because 'no one under 70 collects coins anymore.'"
– ThatFishySmell99
Post It
"Stamp collecting."
– spooky_scully_mulder
"Collecting in general, really. Of course there are still prominent collectors but it's slipped more into enthusiast and niche territory than being a popular hobby that you might expect anyone to have."
– iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
What A Gem
"Rockhounding was immensely popular back in the 1950's and 1960's. Personally, I think it's a fascinating and fulfilling hobby, but when I go to a meeting at a rock and gem club, I'm usually the youngest one in the room by several decades."
– filthy_lucre
People once enjoyed making things.
Admiring The View
"Stained glass. I learned how to make it from my old man, and my junior high art class teacher also taught it. Very few artisans are still around."
– brobeanzhitler
Metal Vocation
"Black smithing."
– kenworth117
"I bought a forge to try. It’s insanely hard work, and crazy expensive. I still haven’t finished a piece."
– DSentvalue
Scrapbooking
"Yeah. I'm watching the arts and crafts stores around me completely uninstalling their racks for specialty paper. Now the only thing they have is mega packs of repeating colors/images. To boot all the inclusions like papercraft/die-cut things, washi tape, scissors, stickers, etc have gotten so expensive I would rather go buy $5 bags at value village to get an assortment of things versus buying anything new. I really, really miss yard sales for the same reasons."
– Phantasmai
I envy people who have jobs that are basically their hobbies.
Not everyone gets paid doing what they actually enjoy and have a profound level of passion for.
If they do, kudos to them.
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When we first meet someone–whether through mutual friends, at school, or in a new work setting–we generally feel people out to determine if they're worth getting to know.
While the process could take time, some people make our jobs much easier after spotting instant red flags.
Curious to hear about our general radar of people, Redditor xxFluffie asked:
"What is something that makes you immediately dislike someone?"

Some people just think they are absolutely hilarious and never realize they're the only ones laughing.
Next In Line
"They laugh about having screwed someone else over. If you think you're not next, well, you'll learn."
– whiznat
Unfunny
"when you mention you don't like a thing and they immediately do that thing 'as a joke.'"
– wayfinder
Playing Devil's Advocate
"Kneejerk contrarians. People who, no matter what you say you like or believe, just have to dismiss it and say they like or think the opposite."
– BubbhaJebus
People who put others down get slammed here.
Bad Parents
"When they treat their kids sh**ty in public. I don't mean handling tantrums, setting a rule, having to hurry to the train etc. I mean perfectly normal-behaved kids getting in trouble for trailing along peacefully, looking at things, asking questions etc."
"If you don't like tiny humans who learn the world, why have them??"
– raxeira-etterath
Public Humiliation
"Treating people sh**ty in public for laughs. Like being rude to service workers because they think it’s funny. Big red flag."
– Ok_Personality_1080
Simply Uncalled For
"Someone who is a d*ck to other people or animals for no reason."
– xebt1000
Those with ulterior motives rubs people the wrong way.
The Scheme
"If they try to get me to join their MLM scheme."
– spazmcgee1
Hard Sell
"A guy I used to be friends with in high school reached out a couple of years after graduating about a business opportunity he wanted my opinion on because 'you've always been smart', then he set up a Skype call and brought some other dude into the call and they started trying to sell me on what was clearly an MLM scheme. The guy went from friend to 'I'm never talking to you again' in a matter of 10 minutes."
– Mental-Afternoon-164
A Timeline
"Good gawd, this! I've had more than one exposure to this abject bullsh**tery..."
- Back in the late 80's/early 90's I was invited to a meeting of literally the OG "Pyramid" where you're recruited to pay in, and then you go out and recruit others to pay in, and the last in line got f'kall.
- In 1995 I had a coworker try to reel me into Amway, which was a hard no.
- In 2000 it was Pampered Chef, though to be fair they did have useful products.
- In 2009 a coworker tried to get me into some stupid video calling service that was obviously stupid from the description. He even got offended when I called bullsh*t.
– Mystical_Cat
Too much ego is a no-go.
I Can Do Better
"Being a b*tch just to stroke their own ego."
"We get it, you can lift 5lbs more than the 12 year old, you don't have to rub it in their face just because you're slightly better"
– Livia_Pivia
Can't Top This
"Oh, you did <story that's been told>? That's nothing! I did <implausible story>.
"I get the whole empathy through relating common experience, and I'm someone who does that (which drives some people crazy on its own), but there's a big different by empathising through common experience, and one-upmanship."
– Tisarwat
Lacking Conversational Etiquette
"Starting to talk over me when I was already talking."
"Stop it you rude, arrogant jerk."
– R33Gtst
If one or more of these traits sound familiar to you, you're not alone.
We don't have time for braggadocios, pyramid-schemers, and conversation interrupters.
And that's just for starters.
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Children tend to believe just about anything they hear.
That there are monsters under your bed, watching too much TV will make your head explode, and silly faces will be permanent if you make them too often.
The sky is truly the limit when it comes to silly things that children will believe.
Some call it naivitée, other's youthful innocence.
But it's hard not to look back with embarrassment on certain things we believed as a child, that today might simply seem dumb.
Redditor Disastrous_Toe_6548 was curious to learn the multitude of silly things people believed when they were children, leading them to ask:
"What's the dumbest thing you believed as a kid?"
Pleading to deaf ears...
"My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high."
"Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice."
"Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining."- Tyrion_Stark.
Get it while you can.
"That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed."- fgyfddg.
Silly superstitions.
"My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed."
"I believed him for a while, until I got older."
"I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire."- teddypa1981.
"Rain, rain go away..."
"That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world."- morningshartz.
Age is just a number.
"My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not."- Laleena_.
So that's how they're made!
"That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds."- Scaniarix.
An instant cure.
"The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them."- velocipeter.
Better safe than sorry.
"Don't drink and drive meant all drinks."
"My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home."- hulagirlslovetoparty.
Don't believe everything you see on TV.
"There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it."
"As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it."- That-Dutch-Person.
The miracle of childbirth.
"That babies are pooped out."
"When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, 'yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out' and she went 'um, WHAT?' and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had f*cked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol."- thesoundingfurrows.
Oh to be a child again.
And to believe literally everything you're told.
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