Warning! Non-stranger danger!
That is a real thing, you know? We tend to not be as self-aware about warning signs and red flags in relationships. Why is that?
Is it love? Is it lust? Is stupidity? The answer is all of the above.
Sometimes we refuse to see what is right in front of us.
Other people see it and try to tell us, and we say they're the crazy ones.
The late, great poet Maya Angelou once said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
The warnings are there, you don't even have to look that hard.
Redditor Expensive-Bad-1111 wanted to compare notes on what to look for as a warning when it comes to matters of the heart and humanity, they asked:
"What is a red flag that most people are unable to see early on in a relationship or while dating...?"
I can't tell you how many times I ignored red flags.
LOL (NOT)Threaten You Want Some Of This GIF by BounceGiphy
"The jabs they claim are just jokes." ~ FreeMindRestFollows
I cut him off...
"Keeping the relationship a secret. Actually hiding it from his/her friend to the point no knows. Not private... secret." ~ Verdigris000
"I had a guy do that. We went to high school together. He knew my family, I knew his. A few years after graduation we reconnected. He wanted to keep it a secret. Why? You are not married, I am not married. He wanted to have sex with me, but he didn't want to define our relationship. I cut him off. I am not a booty call." ~ Bris50
Maybe she's perfectly happy?
"Cutting you off from your friends, and not permitting you to socialize without them. Recently lost one of my besties to a new beau who won't let her out of his sight. We'll catch up when it all goes south." ~ Stormallthetime
"This happened to a friend of mine at University. She was 18, was part of my friend group, and literally lived in our room. Anyway, there were some older uni students who ran the hostel we stayed in and the guy who lived in our block would hang out with us quite a bit."
"It turns out he was only hanging out with us because he was interested in her. They ended up going on a few dates, which we thought was 'cute' because he seemed like a nice and funny guy, but then we never really saw her after that. The last thing I remember her telling me is that, he had written a list of 20 rules for their relationship, one of which stated that they must spend at least 2 hours of quality time together everyday."
"Apparently they are still together, but I still feel like we lost a good friend and that he robbed her of just living a full life. He was in his mid 20s and was also her first proper bf… Maybe she's perfectly happy? But if I had a bf for a few weeks that wrote rules for our relationship, it would definitely not be a relationship!" ~ Wooowaaat
"My ex called herself a pathological liar and told me she would never lie to me, and cried to me multiple times over the phone begging me not to leave when i told her to chill out and I'm not going anywhere. 'I was a bit naive since she had never really hurt me at that point."' ~ KimJongUf_
The BossNot Funny No GIFGiphy
"When one person always determines when time can be spent together. If it feels like you're always the one compromising to find time together walk away it's not going to go well." ~ AudienceNervous1665
There is a difference between suggestion and control. Learn it. Fast.
TrivialGo Away GIF by BounceGiphy
"Dismissing your feelings as trivial. A person who actually cares about you would consider your feelings about things as well, or at least attempt to understand." ~ Affectionate-Feed538
"Always having strange reasons to not want to see you, "forgetting" your plans, being defensive or bit of a stand-off."
"Edit: I've seen a few people suggest and tell stories about memory issues or responsibilities that demanded full-time attention, and I just wanted to clarify that the case with my ex doesn't relate to any of these. My ex simply didn't have respect for my time or feelings and was just using me for sex when she was bored." ~ Cyanide_Revolver
"When everything revolves around what they want to do. Their job, their social life, hobbies, where they want to live, go out to, go on holiday to, until you get to the point where you don't even know what you want to do anymore. It starts small, but builds quickly and you might not realise until it's too late."
"When you make suggestions or organise things it's usually met with negative comments, or the other person acting like a spoilt brat because it's not good enough, never good enough, so you just don't bother anymore." ~ MadamTheadoramoon
"Trying to take over your best friend (visiting them without you, confiding in them, telling them one sided stuff about your relationship). They are making sure you don't have a support system." ~ trs58
"My ex did this with my mother. Texted and messaged her, suddenly had the same hobbies as her so they hung out sometimes. I told him I didn't like it and he made it seem like she was the one saying hello all the time and inviting him to go fishing or whatever."
"It's hardly noticeable on its own but it is one of the things I can now identify as unsettling when I look back and see it in the context of everything that was going on. Like I swear he was trying to get me pregnant while I was between jobs and to get me to move to his hometown where I knew no one." ~ gagrushenka
Common ThemesTell Me More Jeff Goldblum GIF by National Geographic ChannelGiphy
"If they keep complaining about multiple exes. In those situations, they are the common factor." ~ TheVantal
Walking away can be difficult. But it can also be the smartest thing you ever do.
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Moment of honesty: some connections are just NOT worth it.
Friends are in your life for 'a reason, a season, or a time' ... and some of you should have called time a whiiiiiile ago.
Reddit user 'Jojosiwasbadussy' asked:
"Hey people of Reddit what was the 'hell nah I'm out' moment in a new friend group?"
A good chunk of us will read through these answers and see situations we recognize. Some of us will see situations we tolerated, or made a different choice in.
We're going to talk about your experiences at the end, first it's time for Reddit to get all red-flaggy.
"They started a second group chat called 'everyone but percy1614' when I couldn't hang out ONE TIME, which became the new group chat."
"I found out when one of them said something like: 'Oh my god, the group chat's blowing up!'
" And I was confused because it was silent, so I responded: 'No, it's not. What are you talking about?' "
"At that point, I think it had existed for about three months."
"I wish I was angrier, but honestly, I was just sad."
"Ah man that hits close to home."
"I had a group of friends in college I thought were like family to me. Stayed with them 3 years."
"Then, one of them got married. At the wedding they called for a family picture and when I walked over they asked me to TAKE the photo, not be IN the photo."
"That really f*cked me up for a long time and I still have trust issues years later because of it."
"Shortly after, I learned of all the stuff I wasn't invited to like weekly dinners, camping trips, etc. Realized that I was always the one initiating."
"Stopped talking to them cold turkey. What hurt most is they never reached out to ask where I was or why I never hung out with them anymore."
"Luckily that breakup led to me meeting some actually good friends who I'm still very close with 10 years later."
"I made friends with some girls in the first couple weeks of university."
"We hung out a lot at first. Then I sat in on a conversation of them talking about how they'd been sharing a toothbrush between them for weeks (there was 3 of them) - they were arguing about whose it actually was."
"That kinda put me off them because ew, but the nail in the coffin was when I found out they were all kleptomaniacs- all of them LOVED stealing and would have competitions to see who could steal the most when we went to the mall... no thanks!"
"Unhygienic thieves? I'll pass."
"I ghosted them completely"
"My ex friends claimed to be narcos from Mexico. They were underage, had guns illegally, and they lied so much it was just cringy."
"Anyway, one day I invited them to my mom's birthday and they were a disaster. They kept acting hard and tough, saying I was soft."
"They pointed a gun at me so I could become 'harder' and be 'one of them.' "
"They were treating the gun like a BB gun and acting like little kids that were playing war with each other. Those guys were plain ridiculous and really dangerous, just not in the way they thought."
"I was like yup I'm done."
"Yeah no. I socialize with several actual narcos, and if there is one thing they would never do it is disrespect a mom's birthday like that."
"Hell no. You don't f*ck around with Mexican moms."
"Sounds like you were friends with a bunch of sh*tkids. Good they are not down in Mexico, they would be told/made to stop pretty quickly."
"Mexican moms have chanclas faster and more accurate than any bullet"
"Hanging out with an old friend and her group of friends. Nobody I had met before besides her."
"She left before we all went to one of their apartments to keep the party going. Dude's roommate comes home and he's obviously a bit imbalanced, which the other occupant had sorta warned us about."
"Starts yelling, being grouchy that people were over. We weren't even loud at all, just chilling and having a drink and chatting."
"At one point he punches a wall, and we were all just sitting there kinda stunned."
"At that moment I realized -and said out loud- 'Oh wow...no one here knows my name.' "
"So I just got up and left. Walked like 10 miles back home in the middle of the night."
"Heard later the cops got called for sound complaints and domestic abuse concerns. Happy to have dodged that whole scene."
"There has been more than one party where I saw some drama brewing (scandalous makeouts, friend drama, some folk way too high or drunk and getting out of hand, etc) and literally said out loud 'bail' and just left."
"Never regretted it."
"I was recently at a party as an adult with other adults."
"A pushing match broke out and was moving towards me. I just said, 'this would be a bad thing for me' out loud and walked to the other side of the room."
"I'm into films and was invited to an Oscar party."
"I've never been to an Oscar party and I was looking forward to having a stimulating dialogue with other avid film lovers. Instead everyone got crazy drunk."
"When Sean Penn won, this girl started screaming like her team just won the super bowl."
"When the camera cut to Bill Murray she said: 'F*ck You Bill Murray you talentless f*ck!' and then a group of people chanted 'f*ck Bill Murray.' "
"I said, 'I don't get it? I think Bill Murray's a great actor and did a great job in 'Lost in Translation.' "
"Same drunk girl got in my face 'HAVE YOU SEEN 'MYSTERY RIVER'? HAVE YOU SEEEEEN 'MYSTERY RIVER'?!!!!"
"I said no, that I had not seen 'Mystery River' then she said 'Then what the fuck do you know?!' "
"I replied 'I know enough to know the movie is called 'Mystic River.' "
"and then she came after me."
"I don't do Oscar parties anymore."
No D.D. For You
"When we met at my house to go to a bar, and one of their friends I had only met a few times was pregaming with the remnants of some kind of liquor."
"We headed to the car to go out and he whipped the bottle down my street shattering it all over the corner and sidewalk where people walk and play daily."
"A couple neighbors having a bonfire in their backyard heard the shatter and came over to make sure everything was okay."
"I stopped in my tracks, said 'what the f*ck?' and went to grab a broom and dustpan. He refused to clean it up and the mutual friends said I was blowing it out of proportion and should just leave it."
"I cleaned it up and told them to have a good night without me. I was going to be the DD since they had already all been drinking, but I had no desire to put up with this behavior for the rest of the night."
"Especially if this was how he was and he wasn't even really drunk yet."
"Guy thought since his daddy owned a dealership and was loaded he could do whatever he wanted."
"I went back in the house. F*ck people like that."
Stealing From The Homeless
"Back in my university student days I had the hots for this 'bad girl' type chick for the longest time, despite all the warnings my friends gave me."
"When I finally ended up getting with her, I realized she wasn't just a 'bad girl,' she was MEAN. AS. HELL."
"The last straw was when I saw her from afar approach a blind beggar that used to frequent the campus area and everyone and their mother knew for years, pretty likeable fella."
"Instead of giving him money, she went and grabbed the money he had gathered for the day and took it for herself."
"Thankfully someone else caught her in the moment and called her out on it and it became this massive deal where everyone, including myself, basically shamed her into giving the money back to the poor dude."
"That was my 'f*ck this, I'm out' moment. I just couldn't associate myself with her or treat her with any semblance of respect anymore. She just outright stopped being human in my head."
"The worst part was her badmouthing me behind my back later on telling anyone who would lend an ear to her that I was a limpd*ck because I 'didn't support her on her moment of need.' "
"HER need. Not the beggars need. HERS. F*cking twat."
Too Many Gangster Movies, Not Enough Common Sense
"Out of high school my childhood friends started getting more and more involved with organized crime. They were low on the totem pole trying to 'break into the scene.' "
"They plotted to rob a store to advance their 'standing' and the plan was just ridiculously stupid."
"They asked me to be a look out. I would have never ever gone through with it and the fact they wanted to rob something is what made me decide to leave my group of child hood friends forever."
"The stupidity of the plan was the cherry on top."
" 'You guys spent all night planning and decided the best way to do it is to drive a van through the front window and grab what you can?! And your insurance plan of not getting caught is for me to hide out in my car down the street and look for police???' "
" 'Ya I'm out lol. But like out out. Like out forever. Later' "
"Too many gangster movies, not enough common sense."
"Inner city Italian kids. Each one of them has a drug problem, a few of them have gone to jail, luckily nobody is dead."
"I'm 39 now. By far the greatest decision I made was realizing I grew out of these friends and moving on with my life at the age of 21."
"I own property, I'm high up in my career, newly single and quite literally living my best days."
"If those were their best days I pity them."
"When I got pregnant and they ghosted me."
"Then 3 months later they popped up and asked if they could bring their friend to stay at my house because she's never been to Hawaii, where I lived."
"Like HELL NO. You guys just want a cheap trip to Hawaii, I'm not going to let you come stay with me when you haven't talked to me in months!"
"Big relate on the getting pregnant and then being ghosted."
"I had one girl who was supposedly my 'best friend' hit me up for the first time in like a year for a ride not long after my son was born."
"I was lonely, so even though I was basically just a taxi I was like sure!"
"She talked non stop from A to B and then my son started to fuss in the back seat in his car seat."
"She turned UP the radio to drown out his noise and shouted over the radio that when I come back to give her a ride home I should just not bring him."
"I turned off the radio, called her a b*tch, and told her to get an Uber home."
"We never spoke again."
Sudden Aggressive Racism
"I lived in the US for about three years as a kid, before my family and I moved back to Denmark. Went back to the US on a vacation with my family a couple years later, and I made plans to visit and old childhood friend."
"We used to be really close, like inseparable. Hung out several times a week after school. He was a really friendly, kind and funny kid."
"He brings me to hang out and have a few drinks with some of his friends (people I'd never met before). Starts off a perfectly normal and pleasant night. Mostly people were just asking me questions about myself and my life in Denmark. Seemed like a friendly group of folks..."
"... Until one guy made a remark akin to 'Must be nice to live in a country without so many f*cking n*****s ruining everything.' "
"I've never seen so many people switch so quickly and aggressively from normal conversation topics, to going on a collective full on, hard core racist, white-supremacy tangent."
"It was instantaneous and unanimous. There was not a single person there who wasn't incredibly eager to contribute to the cascade of racial epithets, stereotypes and ignorant hate-remarks being thrown out at a staggering velocity."
"They quickly started bragging about incredibly f*cked up stuff. Apparently most of them had at least one prior or pending assault charge for beating up a black person."
"I just stood there in shock for a while, not having the slightest clue what to do with myself. I was deathly afraid that if I gave them the slightest clue that I wasn't in complete and total agreement with their viewpoints I might very well be assaulted for being a 'n***** lover.' "
"Luckily, they had distracted themselves enough by getting into what I assume was their normal conversational rhythm, that they almost entirely forget to include me in the conversation."
"That means they didn't notice that I retreated into the background, pulled out my phone and texted my dad to come pick me up 'immediately!' "
"As soon as my dad texted me back he was outside, I quickly but quietly left without a word. Once outside I ran to the car as fast as I could, got in and told him to drive NOW."
"Funnily enough, I haven't spoken to that childhood friend since."
"Not a friend group, but I met this one guy a while back in a yahoo group, who was initially pretty cool."
"We became friends after a while, and one day he was like 'You wanna see something?' so I was like 'sure!' "
"And he showed me one of those hidden links. (Those links that you enter into a website to get a condensed link that hides where the site is). It leads to a download thing. So I download it an open it."
"Turns out it was a link to some child porn download hub."
"I noped the f*ck out of there, reported the guy to yahoo, and scrubbed the sh*t out of my computer with every antivirus, anti-malware, computer cleaner I could find. I was extremely paranoid about yahoo chat for a while after that XD"
- darkninja0200Block GIF by Debby RyanGiphy
Disability Is Boring?
"When my long time friend told me she couldn't go along to an important medical appointment with me, which we'd organized months in advance. This was fine because I thought it was work related."
"Turns out she went on holiday with a friend."
"When I asked her after she said it's not as fun to hang out with me because I'm disabled. Obvs she said 'no offense' before hand so I guess that's all patched up now?"
"She moved out for a new job and hearing my flat-mates complain about her being rude to them I had that aha moment, that I wasn't the bad friend, it was her."
- essiej98Team Usa Paralympics Sport GIF by Team USAGiphy
"I was invited to a Christmas party that was being hosted by some friends of a friend."
"They had two massively overweight Spaniels, and they went on and on bragging about how one of them was an award-winning show dog."
"This dog looked like it hadn't been groomed in over a year, it's nails were crazy long, and had some of the bulgiest eyes I've seen on the breed. It clearly wasn't being cared for."
"Never hung out with them again. I figured if they couldn't be bother to do basic care on an 'award-winning' dog, they weren't worth being friends with."
- ThePluckiestDuckwalt disney art GIF by hoppipGiphy
Every Time We Drink
"At a house party and one of the girls gets sloppy drunk and starts arguing with her dude who was just playing beer pong with other dudes in the group, fine whatever."
"She escalated it so much that there was now a crowd trying to calm them both down. At this point she's crying, yelling, shoving at him and he's just leaning against a counter not saying anything, hand on a cup the other in his pocket."
"Things calmed back down as fast as they started up, and everyone just got back to playing. But she got hysterical again claiming that her dude hit her."
"Except he hadn't moved. He was still leaning against this counter in the same position looking completely done with the night."
"Half the crowd that saw him do nothing and heard him say nothing to her."
"It took like 3-4 of this girl's friends to pull her away from getting in his face again and comfort her because she started yelling about all their inner relationship problems. I asked why they comforted her if she was obviously the one in the wrong."
"Simply put, they responded like 'this is just what she does every time we drink.' When I asked why they still feed her drinks, it was like deer in headlights."
- papsinchapsdrunk GIFGiphy
"About 20 years ago I started to hang out with other dads."
"We would get some beers and bullsh*t around. Then I noticed they really talked negatively about their wives."
"One common term was 'house b*tch'."
"I decided there was no need to hang out with these guys. I cannot ever see myself using the words they used to describe their wives."
- toad__warriorsick cringe GIFGiphy
"In high school I worshipped these heavy metal kids who were like 22 at the time. Tried for years to get into their friend group."
"I finally get invited to a party and this dude, Gary, immediately throws a glass liquor bottle across the room and nails this girl in the mouth. She's bleeding like crazy."
"Nobody helped her and no sh*t, she looks right up and say 'it's ok I have really bad gingivitis.' "
"I left immediately."
- Gilbert_SanchezIm Out Shark Tank GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"I remember back in middle school there was this girl that would follow me everywhere. She personally made me uncomfortable, and I signaled it. She didn't exactly get the sign."
"I didn't want to outright tell her but it seemed to be the only way. One day, I told her on Discord, and then she didn't seem to care about anything I said. I saw this as very disrespectful and tried avoiding her for a few days."
"Eventually we start talking again and she adds me to a group chat without my consent."
"I take a look at the chat, and it was filled to the brim with horrible people making horrible comments. They were talking about having sex in the school bathroom and how to use condoms."
"I immediately went to complain to her in the direct messages, and she said that they were kidding. So I stayed, but then she started joining in to 'roleplay.' Yeah. Like, furry roleplay."
"I left the group chat shortly after, and then I blocked her. She then harassed me so much at school that I had to tell school administrators. Well, there went her dream to be student council president."
- TemperatureLegal8400Oh God Reaction GIFGiphy
Everyone Keeps Overdosing
"Had just started a job at a warehouse. His told me that the last six workers had Overdosed, two dead and one in a coma."
"Started hanging out with co-workers, they were really sweet and for once. I felt like I belonged!"
"As an anti social and introverted person, that meant a lot to me. Fast forward to a month and a half and I'm invited to a party. I'm thinking it's going to be a nice dance party."
"Nope. Every worker, my supervisor AND boss were snorting lines of cocaine laced with fentanyl!"
"I'm like what the f*ck, that's why everyone is ODing!"
"I quit the job and blocked everyone's numbers that night."
- SteveRogersAssSeason 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy
Not A Prank
"Seeing one of them putting something in my drink while I was away, while the others were smiling like idiots."
"I just knew one of them who brought me, and he was sitting with them. I don't have any idea what it was that they put into my glass."
"I never asked. Instead, I called a cab, got my jacket, and left without returning to their table."
"Never met the dude again after that evening. He wasn't a close friend after all."
"I have to mention I'm a dude, so they probably just tried to prank me rather than hurt me. Didn't matter for me."
"You don't do this to someone you just met."
- myhamsterisajerkNot Funny GIF by VH1Giphy
Now that you've read through the Reddit Red Flag parade, it's your turn to share.
Tell us about those "OMFGNOPE" moments where you realized a friendship or connection just wasn't worth it.
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Everyone's tastes are different, so every relationship should be different.
Even when its considered undesirable to the general populace.
Reddit user, TaxiDriverThankGod, asked:
"What is seen as a red flag in dating which you believe is actually a 'green flag'?"
Turns out if you're honest on a date, that can sometimes be misconstrued as a "red flag."
Strange, isn't it?
Why Wouldn't You Want To Go On Another Date?
"Being excited to go on another date, immediately."
"Could be codependency, or it could be that you're genuinely that interesting to her. Why wouldn't I want to spend a lot of time with someone I like?"
"Yeah it's weird that society expects people to act like they don't care that much when dating."
Know Where They're At
"Discussing life goals and future desires such as kids, marriage, work or education within the first few dates. Some people think it's to heavy for getting to know someone, but to me nothing is more freeing than knowing the expectations and goals the other person has set so we can both make an informed decision."
"Yeah I've had friends who got engaged really quickly and I've asked them about things like if they're gonna have kids, where do they want to live other things like that and they admit that they haven't talked about it at all. Like you need to know about those things before you marry someone."
Don't Talk Over Them, Though
"Depending on the situation, oversharing. Some times you just gotta put it all out there right away and if they don't like it, you're not wasting your time."
"First four words are super important in this one."
"Two cases in point from dates I went on. First was she never actually asked me anything about me. "Overshared" was more like "only shared", the whole time. So what I took away was "It's all about them"."
"Second was too pushy about themselves, oversharing their opinions rather than their life conditions. Takeaway there was 'If they are already making me uncomfortable, they are going to make others uncomfortable too'."
"And I had enough time with my own self-confidence back in those dating days, didn't need help making it harder."
"Pretty sure I dodged a bullet in both cases."
These rules have spread far and wide, infiltrating the minds of people who just want to make a simple connection.
"Don't do this," or, "Don't do that," permeates through every moment.
When all you have to do is be in that very same moment.
Don't Hide From Your Issues
"Being honest about issues like mental health problems - most people see that as get the hell away from me, but I think it's a sign of honesty, and the fact that they were willing to tell you means they're probably pretty trusting and kind + you know what to expect in a relationship (granted this isn't always true, and sometimes it's done in an attempt to garner sympathy)"
Let The Silence Hold
"Running out of things to say. It's a good sign that the person you are with is comfortable not jabbering"
"If you can feel comfortable with them in silence, that's a green flag. You don't necessarily want the silence to be due to lack of mutual interest, but it is important that not every moment needs to be filled with speaking."
Find That Person With That Passion
"Hardcore hobbies. Nerds make great lovers."
"I've met my favorite lovers through medieval reenactment."
Don't let a preconceived "red flag" stop you from making a connection with someone.
Awkward First Date? Wait It Out And See
"Being bad at dating in general. Dating and relationships have completely different skill sets."
"One requires timing and guarding your information and trying to show your best self and not being too weird and handling these various interested people while the other requires opening up and sharing your true self with just one person. Totally different skill sets."
"People who are terrible at dating might be just great at being in a relationship, ya know?"
Able To Stay Offline
"Being off of social media apps or limiting phone use. Most women I was interested in would ask me for my instagram or facebook and when I replied I had neither they looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo, one girl even asked if I was a serial killer"
Want To Be In A Relationship? Be In A Relationship.
"Being straightforward and open about how you feel about the other person."
"Friend of mine recently went on long, involved dates with a guy for over a month (like kayaking and music festivals), he sometimes seemed distant and vague, she finally just texted him 'I like you and I'd like to keep seeing you and see where this goes and if it developed into a relationship. I'm not getting a clear read off of you. How are you feeling?'"
"He told her she's great and he has fun but he's realizing he doesn't really want to be in a relationship right now and committed to another person, he likes that he can prioritize possible plans with friends first and then if they fall through he can maybe go on a date."
"It sucked, but was honest and she stopped wasting time and growing feelings with somebody that didn't want the same thing. But her family gave her so much sh-t and said she 'scared him away' and 'of course he's going to say that!'"
"He's a grown man in his mid-30s, not a baby deer. If he can't handle a friendly check-in on how he feels about a growing relationship then he is correct, he is NOT ready for one!"
Know what you want when you go out on a date. Don't be afraid to shy away from who you really are, because if you don't, and the other person reciprocates?
Then that's a meetup worthy of a follow-up.
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We all need work, in fact, people are desperately looking for jobs.
However, not all interviews go as planned... and sometimes the interviewer is who needs to find different employment.
You know you can tell from the interview whether or not it's a good idea to stay or run like you're on fire.
Redditor u/JimmySaulGene wanted to hear about all of the times we've peaced out of meetings because the red flags were just too glaring, they asked:
People who walked out of a job interview, why did you do it?
I've had a few interviews where I walked out thinking... "Feet don't fail me now!" I stayed all the way through to be polite. But I should've left like Angela Bassett sauntering away from a car on fire like in "Waiting to Exhale." Next time.
Hair Prejudicebeards GIFGiphy
"Sat down with the owner and the first thing he said was, I don't hire people with beards. I said okay, got up and walked out."
Show me the $$$
"Refusal to discuss salary… this was interview #3."
"From my end, that's an interview #1 thing, preferably even before the interview. I don't want to waste time if the range isn't going to fit. I don't need to drive an hour for something that is not in my range and they don't need to waste 15 minutes on someone who will decline if the salary range isn't right."
"Years ago, I went to an interview, and sat down with the man who was to interview me. Sat in silence while he read something on his computer for a few minutes, then waited for a minute or so while he looked over my resume (it was a small business, he is the same person who called me to set up the interview and he'd had the resume for a few days.)"
"He finally looked up at me and said, "Well, I'm not sure why you applied for this job; you really don't have any of the skills or experience I'm looking for." He was just so arrogant and I felt like he was trying to make a power move to make a lowball offer. I didn't apply to any job that I wasn't qualified for. I was just instantly pissed that he was playing games."
"I calmly said, 'Then I'm not sure why you're wasting my time,' and I stood and walked to the door. He said something like, 'Oh, no, let's talk,' and I told him I wasn't interested in working for him. I had a job already, I just wasn't terribly happy with it, so I really didn't feel like putting up with his b.s."
"Showed up for a construction/trades workers "hiring event". I'm a plumber by trade and work was bleak as hell in my city at the time, so I went. Crap looked legit until they sat us down to speak about the work scope. They claimed to be one of the companies that were building Rogers Place in Edmonton."
"After they gave us sketchy details they said "however, if you don't want to do that you can…" And started speaking about how to do door to door sales of mostly chocolate in the higher end communities around the city. They talked construction for maybe 15 minutes and the rest was door to door chocolate sales and UNICEF fundraising and how we can have an income of 150k+ a year doing that."
"I left probably 20 minutes into that. I had a friend who champed it out and stay the entire time. The stories he told me were hilarious. Ironically, 30 minutes after I left, I got a call from a company who was actually a contractor on the Rogers Place job and ended up working for them for 4+ years."
"sales and marketing"plotting dave holmes GIF by EarwolfGiphy
"Pyramid scheme advertised as "sales and marketing." It was a group interview. They served wine for craps sake! They had obvious stooges initiating conversation about how great this opportunity was. I got very drunk and stopped being polite about it."
Some of these people sound mental. Who thought they sounded ripe for hiring and management? I mean, how do some people get into positions of power?
The Fixercanadian what GIF by CBCGiphy
"Owner of a bar told me in the 1st interview to never approach him with a problem because I wouldn't like how he fixed it."
People Describe Their Best Chance Encounters | George Takei’s Oh MyyyAre chance encounters really serendipitous or is it part of some grand master plan? While we may never have an answer for why we come to meet certain people ...
"I was 19, and pretty crafty. I thought it would be cool to work at a store that fit my interests. So, Jo-Ann Fabric here I come. I get to the interview and something seemed off. I show up dressed nice, for an interview and just got the stink eye from the manager. I am led back to the office, all the while the manager is trying to get me to tell her something. I didn't catch on until later in the interview."
"It was going well, and she seemed like she liked me and my experience. That is, until the little hints didn't work. She straight up asked me if I was gay, and if my partner knew I was here. I am a straight man. I was in shock, until I realized she was being serious, and I wasn't getting further in the interview if I didn't tell her I was gay."
"Flabbergasted, I got up, told her I thought her preconceptions were going to hurt her, and left. It was the weirdest thing I have experienced in an interview. After talking to others that worked there, the guys straight up lied to get the job. She only hired gay guys, because straight guys wouldn't know anything about crafts, and were only trying to hook up."
"I'm a vet tech. Interviewed at a primary care, single doctor practice. The manager was over 25 minutes late to my interview. While I waited for her, the front desk staff ignored me while they talked crap about the techs, manager, and clients. The manager said they did not believe in referring to any specialists, because "Dr. A is a specialist in everything from grizzly bears to canaries."
"He was not, he hadn't even done a rotating internship and definitely had not done any type of residency program. I had already worked in a toxic clinic, but at least the doctors were competent. When she asked if I had any questions, I just asked if I could have my resume back, so I didn't waste the paper."
"No thank you"
"I once went to a job interview for a large welding shop, in the middle of a rain storm. After talking to the interviewer for 30 or so minutes, he walked me out to the shop floor to take a welding test. The machine we went to was in decent condition, but was literally sitting in a puddle of water. The welding table's legs were rusty and not grounded well, and also in said puddle. Over half the shop was flooded. I turned around and said "No thank you." Then proceeded to walk out the door. My life is worth more than $20 an hour."
Red Face = Red FlagInside Out Reaction GIF by Disney PixarGiphy
"The guy interviewing me interrupted the interview to scream at one of his employees. Like red in the face screaming and berating the guy. And then tried to just pick up where we left off like it was nothing. No thank you."
"I'm in my 30s but look in my 20s. I applied at a music store. The place was an independently owned place in Mineola NY run by some eccentric old guy. He didn't believe I was even in my 20s. He thought I was a teenager lying about my age and demanded to call my parents and high school to get their permission. So, out the door I was."
Hello to you all...
"Applied for a software developer position for an online retailer. First round of interviews was a traditional technical skills and whiteboard coding session, second round was a cultural fit interview with HR. I assumed it would be a one on one interview with HR, it was a room with 20 something people applying for anything from legal to finance. They asked us to stand up, then crawl into a ball and pretend we were flowers opening. At this point I honestly thought it was some kind of prank, then I saw everybody around me doing it. I just said thanks for the opportunity and left."
1 Hour Down
"I applied for a register position at Pizza Hut. I specifically told them during my 2 interviews that I cannot be a delivery driver due to my car being unreliable, they even acknowledged that and told me okay. Got the job, came in for training on the first day, the very first thing they do is sit me down in a chair and started up a training video on delivery driving. I asked them if I could skip it since I'm only working the register/in the kitchen, and the manager tells me that every position is a delivery driver. Walked out right then and there and got paid for 1 hour of training."
Zoom OutSchitts Creek Love GIF by CBCGiphy
"It was a virtual interview and I ended it. The interviewer was a complete jerk, had an ego, and would make condescending remarks. Just told him that it sounds like he's not interested in working together so in the interest of both our time, we should just end the call."
"Third and final interview (all same day) at a tech company. First two went well and I was told this last one just was a formality - they wanted me to join. Interview with the head of the office guy seemed to start well. We walked to the cafeteria, grabbed a couple coffees, and with some small talk we learned we knew some of the same people. We get back to his office and sit down. He looks at my file, "It says here you're looking for [certain salary]."
"I said yes, and explained it's really close to market for someone with my skills and experience. He looks at me and says, "I don't think you're worth it." I said "Excuse me?" He repeated it. I laughed, grabbed my bag, stood up, thanked him for his time and walked out. The company went out of business like a year later, so I feel I dodged a bullet there."
Do you know what time it is?
"I had a phone interview one time and we had scheduled it for noon. He called me at 7am. I was still asleep, so when I answered the phone it took me a moment to figure out what the hell was going on. He said that in our line of work we should be ready for anything (lol)."
"It was a 4 month position with fish and game doing carcass surveys (looking for dead salmon). He kept asking a lot of hypothetical questions like "if you're walking a stream and a guy jumps out of the bushes and points a gun at you, what do you do??"
"Apparently the correct answer is call the cops and then get back to work. The questions got nuttier but they always involved a guy pointing a gun at me, and I said, "look, if people are going to be pointing guns at me I don't want the job." And I hung up."
Why am I Here?
"I should have; I stayed there out of morbid curiosity to see how low they would go, but I had made the decision I wasn't gonna work there early in the process. I'm glad I stayed. The last thing that happened in the interview was the CEO personally asking us all to promise that, if we ever make a mistake, the company will calculate how much that mistake cost us, and we will voluntarily pay the company that amount."
the melaleuca tree...
"I was approached at work (bagger for a major grocery store chain when I was 16) by a guy who asked me if I would be interested in making $1100 a week. He told me to meet him at one of the empty businesses in the same plaza after work. He went on this long spiel about the melaleuca tree from Australia and how his company made soaps and shampoo out of it. Then he told me for $500 he would train me how to sell the products. I just turned and walked out the door with him yelling behind me that I would never amount to anything with my attitude."
everyone is replaceable...The Office Boss GIFGiphy
"Told the hiring manager I would like to give more than just 2 weeks at my current job as a courtesy. He raised his voice and said "everyone is replaceable and they'll find that out." Yea that seems like a good mentality for your boss to have. Later tater."
I need a break...
"Showed up and the manager practically bragged about how the job offered no breaks for an 8-10 hour shift, and if there was a food break it would be 5 mins max at a hip-height table with no chairs. She said that you'd be fired if you sat down even for 30 seconds. I'm more than capable of doing that. I did that every day at my last job."
"But when you brag about how your employees are so over-worked that they don't get breaks or an option to rest their legs, it tells me all I need to know about how little you value your employees. I should also note that this job wasn't paying exceptionally well. Above minimum wage, but not at a level that was even enough to live on."
Just because you need work doesn't mean you're in a position of weakness. The staff and company you're interviewing for is also being interviewed. Don't be afraid to use that attitude. Don't stay if it feels like a mess.
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When reflecting on failed relationships, do you ever wonder if you've missed any indication the person you used to share a bed with was not a good match?
"What 'Red Flags' did you totally miss in your past relationships? And why?"
A person's lack of trust in a relationships is indicative of a larger issue.
"She insisted on checking my phone all the time, but I was never allowed to touch her phone, ever."
Phone With X-Rated Content
"when one month into the relationship I discovered nudes of other women on his phone and that he still had Tinder. when three months into the relationship he went though my text messages and read through old conversations I had with someone before I even started seeing him and somehow made me feel guilty about it, and four months into the relationship when he cheated on me for no reason other than that he could in the moment and he was drunk. it took me three years to break up with him."
Addicts who will not get help are bad candidates for love.
It's Not Up To Us To Change People
"I was too new to realize that you can't 'fix' an addict."
"That somehow there was always a good reason to drink. Later he became lazier and stopped pretending to have a reason and just drank the whole time out of habit."
"I'm half convinced zombies are a metaphor for addicts. They look like your loved one which why you don't immediately recognize them as a bottomless pit of hunger that will either get close enough to try to bite you and turn you into one of them or simply tear chunks out of you until there's nothing left."
"I married a mom's boy. I didn't see the problem at first but things got weird quickly. She controlled him and our marriage."
"It took 15 years and couple of kids, but I left that situation. The funny part is, after the divorce, she and I got along quite well."
Gaslighting is a common problem in relationships that people unfortunately are unable to identify early on.
"He 'didn't get jealous' but he also didn't want me to hang out with male friends. Or, in fact, other people in general. One time he came to pick me up from the cinema, saw I'd been there with a friend, and got so mad on the drive home that he punched the steering wheel. That was...a thing."
"He also took advantage of my mental health problems to not only gaslight me but to make him look like the better person and to make me out to be crazy. I didn't realise the extent of it until ages later when I was in a healthy relationship! Lesson time: if someone is constantly making you feel uneasy and vulnerable, they are not your friend, let alone your partner."
Foreigners Explain Which Parts Of American Culture Seem Strange | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"YES. The whole 'I'm not controlling you because I'm not directly 'forbidding' anything; I'll just find ways to emotionally punish you after, until you can't muster up the energy anymore' game. A classic. Your world shrinks month by month, seemingly by choice, and one day you look up and realize you have nowhere else to turn. Textbook."
"If they're yelling anything like 'I'm not controlling!' or 'I don't get jealous!' at you, it's a red flag. This is NOT a debate that needs to happen in healthy relationships. You're not crazy, you're just being gaslighted. Sure sign to GTFO."
Mental Health Denier
"First bf I had, he was 24 I was 18. Was the only person outside my family who I told about my depression after I was diagnosed with it. He said that was a fake disease. Because this was many years ago and on the media, there wasnt much info about it like nowadays, I believed him. One time he went out with me and my sister, he took us home but he was extremely wasted. He crashed against a wall and the car was a total loss."
"At that moment I felt like sh*t because of his car and because 'this wouldnt have happened if he wouldn't have taken us home'. Months later he used to laugh about the accident because his parents bought him a new car. He was always joking about how we 'defeat death', and later confessed to me that he knew the brakes were not working properly that night. I was so f'king pissed cause my sister and I could have died. Overall the guy was a complete a**hole and I am glad we only dated for 9 months. After that I have never dated with anyone who drives after drinking, nor with anyone who believes mental health issues are fake."
"The constant teasing and diminishment of what made me happy wasn't a misunderstanding. I wasn't miserable because I just needed to lighten up. I didn't realize it at the time because I didn't realize I grew up with a parent who did that to me, so I though this was normal behavior and I was bad for not appreciating it."
They were pretty much difficult people to live with.
I Just Want Muffins
"Yeah my first red flag... I liked to randomly buy muffins from a shop below us. They were like 1.50 and delicious. Would buy them maybe twice a week at most. Boyfriend told me to stop buying muffins that I was waisting my money on junk food and they aren't healthy and I'll get fat. Wish I would have stood up for myself then. Cause who the f'k cares if I want to buy myself a yummy snack once in a while."
"That was the first thing he tried to control. Followed by about 2 years of emotional abuse and sexual assault. Similar to you, couldn't do anything right. Would stop saying I love you but said, 'I maybe could love you if...' If I tried to get him to stop touching me he'd throw a fit. Dude, you've been rubbing my boobs for 2 HOURS. Terrible. I got out but the abuse sticks with you. I'm really sorry sorry for your trauma."
"She complained a lot of things and had often strong opinions, i liked it in the beginning and thought she just has „pepper in the buttocks". Well she just liked to complain a lot and no matter why i did, i could never get her fully satisfied."
"Complete and total lack of ambition. He would complain about his job and finances, yet did nothing to change his circumstances. I would tell him to take advantage of his days off start some classes or courses that would help him in the future, I told him I could handle us financially until he was done and when he was done it would be my turn…His days off were spent playing video games and smoking weed."
"We would talk about all the dreams we had for our future. He was supportive when we talked about it but when I started putting in the work, getting promotions, bringing in more money, he became resentful. I would tell myself he was in a funk, it was just a phase, NOPE this was a personality. He couldn't walk the talk."
"6 years of missing this enormous Red flag went by…but when I left, everything I had worked towards was coming to fruition."
"He didn't have any friends. I thought he was a misunderstood loner but he was actually just hard to be around."
Many in the thread said red flags are often there but are ignored.
This was true for a friend of mine who was in an emotionally abusive relationship. She recognized all the signs telling her she needed out of that relationship, but she stayed with him because, "he was working on changing to be a better person."
She held him to that promise for three years and realized he was not making any effort to change at all, but she refused to see it because she "loved him."
She eventually left him and is now happily married. Her only regret was the fact that she wasted a lot of time ignoring what her gut had been telling her all along.
It was a good reminder we should trust our instincts more.