People Share Red Flags To Look Out For When Crushing On Someone New
Photo by Egor Vikhrev on Unsplash

We all want to find someone to love, don't we?

And all love stories are supposed to start the same way.

We see someone, crush on them, and picture a whole future together.

But because of that we often ignore the big neon signs that say... RUN!!

Let's focus on those signs for a bit.

Redditorxaviourmaanwanted to discuss what signs we need to take seriously when liking a person. They asked:

"What is a red flag when crushing on someone?"

If they steal from you in the beginning. Don't brush that under the rug. I speak from experience.


canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy

"When they reject you twice after saying they like you back."


Don't tell me...

"Most people like to hear that somebody has a crush on them, but you should be aware that sometimes people enjoy it because they like you and sometimes people enjoy it solely because it fuels their ego. If you start to feel like they are enjoying the attention but not giving you anything back, you should cut yourself off as soon as possible. It’s trading a bit of short term pain for long-term happiness and mental wellbeing."


Black Cherry

"Asking you to come over on Saturday to watch Grey's Anatomy, requesting that you bring Mike's hard lemonade black cherry flavor, doing your best to find black cherry flavor but only find original OG lemon. Showing up with the drinks. Her getting mad and forcing me to go out for 3 hours to find black cherry Mike's hard lemonade."



"If you start to become obsessed and put the crush on a pedestal, you'll always be disappointed when you get to really know them."


"The way I see it is everyone has their flaws, insecurities and mistakes in the past that make them who they are in the present moment. As soon as you acknowledge this truth, conversations with people you crush on gets a lot easier and you don’t constantly feel like they’re better than you just cause you like them."


Me me me...

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"When they have the 'Me me me' mentality where everything you do has to lead to a positive outcome for them."


So many flags. We could have a holiday.


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"When you are always the one who initiates texting."


"If your crush never initiates a conversation, it just means they are not interested."


both bad and also good...

"If you can’t think of serious negatives, if you don’t/can’t behave like yourself, and if you never ever disagree with them on anything. They’re signs of infatuation which is a wonderful drug, but it is not real. It’s chemical & fantasy and not grounded in reality, and at the end of the day you live in reality, and all of your choices have consequences (both bad and also good)."

"Another great red flag is if you’re getting mixed signals. It doesn’t mean it will never work, but it definitely won’t work today. You can still have fun and be with them, but don’t invest yourself fully if they aren’t. And don’t stop looking for someone with the clear signals in the meantime. Don’t go exclusive for someone giving you maybe signals."

"Source: my own life experience as someone prone to heavy infatuation and poor personal differentiation."



"When you're only thinking about their body, and ignore their terrible personality. Finding a crush attractive is completely normal, but don't mistake lust for love."


"I've had two major crushes in my life. One was completely lust, other was attraction to her personality. It was way more fun and exciting talking to the latter."


“pick up wine on your way”

"Dated a girl for a while and every time she asked if I wanted to come over I’d say yes then it would be immediately followed with a 'pick up wine on your way' or 'grab dinner before you come'. Occasionally I can dig that but it was literally every time. I showed up once empty-handed and she was legit mad. I always texted her first too. Stopped texting first to see when she’d reach out to me and I haven’t heard from her since November."



No Way Do Not Want GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy

"When you fear loosing them to the point where you conform in ways that aren't authentic to you."

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"I found out years after liking someone that one of their friends had called dibs on me, so no one else in that friend group was 'allowed' to get too close to me. I'm not even sure if the person who I liked had liked me back since I found this out by a different member of the group. I don't think I had ever felt as objectified as I did after finding that out."

"It was such a gross feeling. Good thing I never ended up going out with the guy who called dibs and threatened his friends. What an a**hole. I always wondered why people in that group suddenly started turning down my hangout invites. I thought it was something I had done."


You First

"When they are never the one to contact you first. Yeah, my crush was for like 5 years. Texted nearly daily 4 months (me always starting or trying to drive conversations), and we hung out a few times. I told her I liked her, and was immediately friendzoned. Which is fine, I know where she stands without having to question anything. But if I actually took that advice to begin with, I wouldn’t have wasted so much thought or energy into the crush."


Get Back

"Expecting them to text back right away."


"Going through this now. Except he also will just randomly stop talking to me in the middle of a conversation and then text me three days later just continuing whatever we were talking about. It's not worth my energy at this point."


Run for the hills!

"When they tell you that you’re too good for them and that you deserve better. Run for the hills!"


"Because there is no good ending after such statement. A person who says this is telling the truth most of the time even without knowing it, as their intention is to break up or cheat on you and are trying to do it without being the a**hole, exposing themselves in the process. There is literally no good out after hearing this, just know your relationship is finished. Failing to acknowledge that will only end up in a toxic relationship or having your heart broken in a far more painful way."


I See You

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"Appearing too eager/desperate. Ironically, appearing too disinterested or aloof. Also, being too into yourself, being controlling or acting entitled, or being rude to people are all major red flags."


"I need to go for a walk…"

"When you start cataloging the stray hairs you’ve collected is a pretty reliable measure you might need to go for a walk."


"Okay I feel personally attacked by this one. I have previously dated many dudes with longer hair (idk I like long hair on a guy), yesterday I was clearing out my closet and trying to figure out what still fits, tried on clothes I haven’t worn in years, kept finding random long hairs in said clothes and trying to figure out which hair belongs to which person.

"I need to go for a walk…"



"STABILITY... How long do they keep responsibilities maintained. Probably the biggest red flag if they, for example, go from job to job, move from place to place, and or go through short relationships like candy. Stability in my opinion is the most underrated metric to measure someone’s reliability."



"Dwelling too much on looks. Appearance only create an initial impression which will eventually fade. I do realize that crushes are dependent on looks, but do try to listen to the things that come out of their mouths -- either to you or to someone else. That'll paint a much clearer idea."



"It's the stupidest reasons but I was playing a video game with my crush and I fell in love with a dog that had followed me around, only for him to shoot it and laugh in the party chat while I sobbed. RIP Jackson, you were a funky lil golden following Marcus around (it was Watchdogs 2)."


Nothing Better

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"They only have time for you when they have nothing else going on."


Be smart people. Don't choose to be blind.

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