Foundation First.
GiphyWhenever you've just started a new job. While I hate the mentality "We do it this way because we've always done it this way", often there are good reasons for why something is done a certain way. Understand your job fully before you start altering the way you do it. Alwin_
Less for Less.
I had a job that was task oriented- and hourly. I had a list of the same things to do every night to the property and I would sign out and go home whenever I was done.
I ended up getting more efficient at my job after doing them everyday so I was doing my tasks faster so I was done faster so they would send me home earlier so my checks got smaller and smaller.
In this case when I worked smarter it just got me less money. BlersianDonuts
Patience.
When you've only just started learning something. When you know nothing, you can't know what's best to learn so just get started. After you've got your bearings, then you can assess what is best to learn and start working smart.
Some people might say choose a good course but I'd class that as working hard, not working smart. Someone else has done the thinking bit for you! TannedCroissant
"paid by the hour duuuude"
When you are paid hourly. NowMoreAnonymous
Used to work with an American chef (in a steakhouse in Australia) who worked at a singular pace regardless of speed of service or time constraints. His favorite words, in a heavy accent: "paid by the hour duuuude"! criti_biti
Lift Bro!
GiphyWeightlifting. You can try and find the optimal program... but you'll have more success just picking something and then working your butt off than anything else. pm_me_some_kitties2
Coded.
Coding contractor work paid by the line or letter. Yes you could spend a good 20 minutes making sure your regex is right and have that function be 4 short lines long. But you could ALSO make it a massive if/else statement and get it up to 60 lines easily then you gotta act like a first year CS student and make really long unnecessary comments about every single line, to double that count! TGotAReddit
Cracked!
During CPR. Smart helps, but it's hard work if you're doing it right. drunken_monkey9
Its quite common saying in med field that "During well performed CPR you might crack few ribs. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CRACK THEM ALL!" Zourtyx
Don't make yourself redundant.
When "working smart" means automating your own job. Your boss will be really thankful - and fire you because you're no longer needed. Don't make yourself redundant. EzraSkorpion
I made myself redundant once, the company just put me somewhere else. I then made THAT position redundant (this company wasn't exactly a model of efficiency), and they put me somewhere else. Getting rid of an employee who finds efficiencies where no one else has certainly happens but if you're working somewhere that isn't 100% short-sighted there's a good chance they'll want to keep you around. nph333
Up & Go!
Moving. Former mover for about three years here. Your job is literally to pick people's crap up, put it on the truck, take it to the unload and pick it up and put it in their house. The amount of times I had to stop and tell co-workers to quit messing around with trying to engineer some solution to make it easier to lift stuff. Like naw, man, just pick it up and go.
I've been out of moving for a couple years, but was helping a friend move over the weekend and so many times I just wanted to scream "Stop trying to over-think this; pick your sh!t up and put it in the truck!" bohnzy
Put in the Work!
GiphyWhen you're in college. You wouldn't believe the number of students senior year that still wanted to cheat to get the grade. If you don't know the content and aren't willing to put in the work, you shouldn't get the chance to compete in the job market or design and build things that transport people. (Aerospace Engineering). fearlesspoet
"A thousand devils!"
GiphySwedish: Many mild curse words (similar to "darn") are just numbers (or old-fashioned ways to say numbers):
- Sjutton också! ("Seventeen also!")
- Tusan! ("A thousand!")
- Attans! ("Eighteen!")
Apparently, this came from expressions like "A thousand devils!", but which were then shortened and mild into just the number. "Sjujävla" (seven-deviled?) is still used as an intensifier. TypingLobster
Tapestry.
In Swahili, only three colors have "direct" words: black (nyeusi), white (nyeupe), and red (nyekundu).
All other colors are comparatives, e.g.:
green - rangi ya kijani: "the color of leaves"
gray - rangi ya kijivu: "the color of ashes"
maroon -rangi ya damu ya wazee: "the color of the blood of old people." mlimame
Traditionally.
The Navajo word for tank is "chidí naaʼnaʼí beeʼeldǫǫh bikááʼ dah naaznilígíí". Traditionally Navajo does not use foreign words and instead forms its own using simpler words, and so the word literally is "a car that crawls with a gun on which people sit".
For those asking, the word car is an onomatopoeia of a ford model T engine and the word gun from the word 'to explode'.
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/chid%C3%AD_naa%CA%BCna%CA%BC%C3%AD_bee%CA%BCeld%C7%AB%C7%ABh_bik%C3%A1%C3%A1%CA%BC_dah_naaznil%C3%ADg%C3%AD%C3%AD dario606
Explain Celine.
GiphyIn French French the word "gosses" means children, but in Québécois French that word means testicles, so if there's an old guy who's very enthusiastic about showing you a photo of his gosses, better pray he's French. Callalilly45
For the Love of Liver.
Something I find funny about Farsi is the saying "jeegaret-o bokhoram" which is an expression meaning "I love you" but it literally means "I want to eat your liver". Similarly "jeegare mani" means "You are my liver", though this one makes a bit more sense because it's like saying "I love you so much you're a part of me".
Edit: Looks like there are even more liver sayings. "Jeegaret besham" means "I'll be your liver"/"I'll do anything for you". There's also "kheyli jeegari" which means something like "You're such a cool person" but it hilariously translates to "You really are a liver". Apparently all this is because the liver is such an important organ, like the person is important to you. Hotrod20006
Buy a Vowel.
GiphyIn Romanian, you can build a sentence out of vowels only: "Eu iau o oaie" - "I take a sheep"
EDIT: As publicly requested, here's an attempt to pronounce this in English (just not very accurate):
Yeaw yow oh wa-ye. Vladimir-the-Great
Billions.
I learned today that a billion in Spanish isn't the same as a billion in English. sololloro
Edit: For context, I'm American and I was talking to my Colombian coworker. Apparently the "other billion" is more universal than I thought and Americans are just...wrong. Which isn't surprising!
Even in English, you get the traditional British billion (which no one really uses any more) and the American billion. FakeNathanDrake
The King's Speech.
The Korean alphabet was single-handedly invented by the King in the 15th century. He was tired of writing Chinese characters in Korean, so created a completely different writing system that was easier to learn and more adaptive to the Korean language. -__bean__-
"Ó o auê aí, ôu!"
In Portuguese....
"Ó o auê aí, ôu!" can be understood as "Hey, check out this messy situation that's going on over there". It's old slang but quite universal. Another meaning would be something along the lines of "Dude just stop, you're making a fool of yourself".
Edit: Brazilian Portuguese, that is. Enigmagico
Oh Danny Boy.
GiphyIrish people (particularly older generations) have their own version of English where they say sentences in an order that makes no sense grammatically but it makes perfect sense to any other Irish person. This is because the sentences are directly translated and word order is strange in Irish. Also as a result of this we say certain phrases that make no sense to anyone (I'm irish living abroad and I keep forgetting this).
Also just the fact there's 3 different ways to say the number two depending on context
A Dò (a doe) is if you're counting numbers as in one, two, three
Dhá (gaaww) is if you're counting things
Beirt (birch) is if you're counting people
Edit: There's a fourth way to say two
You use the word "dara" to say the second thing. The_Confession_Box
Keep Reading Conan!
GiphyTeacher here: We had a school librarian here who berated the children about the most minor infractions and even questioned kids about why they wanted a particular book. She would often yell, "this is MY library." The kids called her Conan. alphasquatch1968
Theatre Patrol.
I ran a movie theater. One guy was told to go and do a theater check, which was basically ensure the emergency exit was closed and that no one was doing anything unruly. Dude really got off on telling people to put their feet down. He was studying to go into law enforcement. I was legit scared by how much he delighted in getting into people's faces because he felt he had real authority in this scenario. chalmun74
"in charge"
I left a kid "in charge" of the classroom while I stepped outside for two minutes to consult with an administrator.
I came back and he had a list of everyone who needed to be suspended.
Edit: no, his name was not Dwight, for everyone asking. Also, holy crow 5k upvotes and more in the comments, surprised this resonated with so many people. becauseiamtheDM
So Fast. So Stupid.
My friend put a cold air intake in his '95 Honda Civic.
Some guy was trying to pass him on the freeway and my buddy was like, "let's show these guys what real power looks like," then he floored it. The car gently accelerated to maybe 75mph before we overtook the other car, but my friend acted like he just won the Indy 500. J-Dizzle42
Objection Mom.
GiphyMy mum took my dad to court. The court agreed with her on the littlest thing and now she let the power of that go to her head and thinks she is going to win every court order.
She has lost at least 2. ChrisJamesCostello
Mind your business Karen!
At my company of 80 people we have an "HR assistant" that is inexplicably in charge of the receptionist. She does nothing but make the receptionists life miserable, and has for the previous 4/4 receptionists.
She'll reprimand them for: their clothes, posture, smiling too much, not enough, arrangement of workspace, cleanliness of workspace, keeping water at the desk, keeping food at the desk, using the bathroom too much, etc. It's like she saves all her anger in her whole life and takes it out on the only person who is obligated to listen to her. gertgertgertgertgert
Senior Moments.
I work on a team of programmers.
One of the guys is terrible, and screws up all his projects. But for some reason he's never been fired, and he's been with the company forever.
Somehow, he got it into his head that he had "seniority". So whenever the boss would be out of town for a day, or call in sick, he'd immediately start walking around asking people what they're working on and assigning them tasks, as if he were the manager.
The actual manager eventually sent the whole team an email clarifying that if somebody was going to be left in charge, she would let us know.
His tiny amount of perceived power was completely removed. =P Luckboy28
This is how I do things.
Mom had a house-cleaner that came every 2 weeks for about 3-4 hours each visit.
The cleaner would rearrange Mom's things, including items in her "curio cabinet," kitchen cabinets/counters, and other personal areas (like her jewelry box, figurines, and hygiene items in the bathroom).
When Mom asked her to please stop doing that, the cleaning lady said: "This is how I do things. If you don't like it, find someone else!" Back2Bach
Discord.
Moderator of a discord channel....
Not the whole server, just one particular channel with a couple dozen people, out of a server with nearly 10k users.
He started tripping, instituted this insane code of conduct he stole from wizards of the coast, including a clause that everyone had to respect him, and not block his messages, or they'd be banned.
The absolutely wild thing is no one had ever heard of this guy before. The last time he'd said anything in the whole server was two years prior. rexxar-tc
Genghis freaking Khan.....
GiphyYou'd think the guy driving the miniature car that writes tickets for meter violations in my town was Genghis freaking Khan. jwfowler2
I was once parked in a loading zone in front of the restaurant I worked in loading a catering order in my car. I was told that wasn't allowed? When asked what a loading zone is for if not loading, he could not give an answer. latka_gravas_
Before Dark.
GiphyHold the light just right for my dad. bestestbuddy
Lol lol lol, that was strategic failure--the sooner he got pissed, the sooner he'd send you back to whatever you were doing. JeeplessinSeattle
"There are no electrons"
I really want to understand how electricity works. Like Volts and Amps and Current and Watts and all that stuff. I've read and watched videos but it just doesn't click for me. BobDogGo
Try the book "There are no electrons". It reads more like a novel than a text book. pyrosteve75
And when you understand it a bit better you can watch YouTubers like eevblog, electroboom, Bigclive etc. SA1278
Sleepytime.
Going to sleep at a reasonable time. Been like this since I was teen and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Bkgrime
Been that way more or less since I could talk. I had a bedtime when really young, but I'd play or read in bed. Parents eventually gave up trying to force the issue. Sleeping just always seemed like a waste of time, especially at night when things were quiet and you could get stuff done. yParticle
Realizing Later.
How to deal with confrontation. My dad had anger issues when I was growing up and he would scream at us. It was terrifying and now as an adult idk how to handle arguments with anyone. I just get so scared and anxious. rattus-domestica
I'm kind of the opposite. My mom was extremely angry and screamy growing up and now I have trouble getting into an argument without losing my temper. I don't lash out physically and I do my best not to verbally but a mix of a certain tone and a raised voice just put my fight or flight at an instant 10. I'm working on it but it's so embarrassing. blizard_lizard19
Tie Me Up.
Tie a tie. I'm 32 and have worn a tie about 5 times in my life and have to google it every time. ElToberino
My dad is 66. He doesn't wear a tie every day but has to for work things two or three times a month. Whenever he used to buy a new tie, he would bring it over to his dad on his next visit and my grandpa would tie it for him and my dad would just loosen the loop to put them on over his head and then tighten again and never untie them.
GiphyEven when he had Alzheimer's my grandpa still tied my dads ties. After my grandpa passed away in 2008 he has resorted to googling it occasionally but mostly just avoids buying new ones. Most of his ties still have the knot my grandpa made. Pinglenook
Astounded.
I've always wanted to learn how to write. I write a lot for school and work, but damn - when I read other people's works I'm constantly astounded.
Who woulda thought my inadequacies were so universally shared? AmIGoingToCollege
Head over to r/writing if you haven't already.
The main thing you MUST do in order to write... is write. It doesn't have to be good. It just has to be done. And much of writing is REwriting, editing mostly.
Also, read. Read a lot. Read good writing. But also read bad writing! Learn what works and what doesn't work. Read that crappy writing and then write a paragraph or two rephrasing what you just read in a way that YOU like.
And write what you know!! If you know nothing of Elves and Dwarves and crap, but you know a TON about Medieval Slavic History, don't write about the damn Elves and Dwarves and crap, write about Medieval Slavic History. itsthevoiceman
A Second Talk.
Learn a new language. Have tried multiple times and ways but can't seem to stick with it which sucks because I would love to be able to be speak fluently in a second language. cid_highwind_7
- Travel to France
- throw passport away
- ???
- Profit MerleErEnPerle
Salt water issues....
Swim underwater without holding my nose. I wish I could but I just haven't really been able to get the hang of it. Santa-Carla-Vampire
I was around 8 or so on a cruise when a older boy, around 11 or 12, saw me holding my nose when I went under water in the pool, and he sat with me for a while and taught me.
We would practice by putting our hands on the edge of the pool, and dunking ourselves underwater and he told me to exhale through my nose. Over and over again until it stuck. Then, he swam with me.
I'll never forget that boy and his kindness! If you're out there, sir, thank you! I still remember. happycasss
Say Hi.
Talk to people without them talking to me first. I always end up feeling left out on stuff. lilliferaft
I'm forcing myself to try new things -- like, there's a wood carving class I've signed myself up for -- and I'm trying to say "hello" to a few people and to talk to the person I'm sat next to.
I've been literally on my own every day for years now, so I'm trying to force myself to be a person again. elegant_pun
Send the Messages....
My great grandfather fought for the US in WWII and was a member of the guerrilla resistance movement when the Japanese occupied the Philippines. His oldest daughter (my great aunt), at 11 years old, would smuggle messages written on rice paper so she could eat them if she was captured, carrying a gun under her skirt because the Japanese wouldn't search her since she was a kid. TiCup
Call Dateline....
GiphyNot me, but my stepfather. His grandmother kind of lost it when her husband died oh, so she took an axe and murdered several of her children while they were in their beds. Obviously my stepfather's mother wasn't one of them.
We used to go visit his grandmother after she was too old to be in the State mental hospital and was in just a regular nursing home. I never knew her backstory until I was older.
That also made his mother understandably a bit off. After his father, his mothers third husband died she got a bit extreme on the punishment of the children. My stepfather told me that minor infractions such as talking back would result in being locked in the basement with nothing but a bowl of water and bowl of leftovers left at the top of the stairs. The only light would be from under the door. He said they would sometimes be kept there for several days. tchad78
Propaganda.
Father's brother was high school kid who was part of partisan resistance during ww2. he participated in huge actions against the occupier, distributing anti-nazi propaganda, planting bombs and eventually burning down football stadium nazis started pulling apart for wood, to build a concentration camp. he was captured, tortured and shot in front of others as an example.
in the middle of our capitol city. he never disclosed names of his comrades, his last words were: you can kill me but you'll never get the names of my friends from me. witnesses said he was always smiling and comforting others, even when he was so beaten up he couldn't walk. there's a movie about this stadium burning and they named a school after him. a high schooler! prodigal_dolphin
Bad hombres.
My family was the first upper class Mexican family in their part of south Texas. Founded a Mexican border town and only crossed the border to America after my great grandfather murdered someone in a land dispute. Broad daylight, center of town. He owned the bridge across the border, paid off all the guards. Bad hombres. TheProdigalBootycall
"his legs"
GiphyNot going too much into details, but a distant relative is a very well known notorious murderer in my country.
What I find disturbing about it though is that during one of the news reels of him it looks like he Is trying to act the victim (he is shaking in sadness that "his legs" are barely able to hold him up. spicypeenie
Time for some DNA searches....
My father might have a half brother in another city because at that time my grandfather might have been cheating. A very old relative actually said that she saw this infant and he even looked like my dad. No one can confirm though, and the baby of course took the other man's last name so he can't be found. My grandfather was quite the character: he was in the army, he used to gamble and he was kinda charming so I wouldn't be surprised if this story is true. -cloudid
Bomber....
GiphyMy grandfather was a bomber pilot in WWII in the RAF. What's disturbing is he had a perfectly kept log book which I now have, except the pages around d-day have been so perfectly removed we only noticed last year. The MOD won't tell us why/ what the pages contain. alxwx
Russia's is looking....
My great great grandma was an adviser to the last queen of Russia, the queen refused to pay her so my ancestor stole a bunch of stuff from the palace. These items have been passed down in my family and my family's nobility status was revoked after the queen realized that her jewelry, silverware, and a vase were missing. Halfbreed360
The Bad Guy?
My earliest known ancestor was a bandit. He was apparently pretty good at it too, since he managed to feed 11 kids. Around WW1, we also had one guy just randomly find an antique pistol buried in the ground, mishandle it and shoot himself, then die because of his wound getting infected. oreganoli
The Red Army.
My grandfather was conscripted to act as a courier/messenger boy by the Red Army in Stalingrad when he was 13. They gave him a captured German pistol to defend himself with, and when the city was finally liberated they took it back off him and just let him return to his normal life like no big deal.
At the same time the other end of the country, my grandmother was living through the siege of Leningrad and once saw a soldier guarding a dead body because if he didn't guard it then somebody would come along and eat it.
And on the lighter end of the story: my father once drove a tank through someone's house in Afghanistan. BearsBirdsBooks
WWII
My grandfather was in WWII and stormed Normandy, survived and went on to help liberate the Gunskirchen Lager concentration camp. He also ran across a field and cut down a German flag while getting shot at so he would have something to give his children. And that's how my dad has a giant Nazi flag that we definitely can't display, lol. Char1ieA1phaWhiskey
back to Joplin.....
When I was 4 years old my family (besides my dad) lived happily in Cincinnati. For the first time in 2 years my dad calls my mom and asks if he can have a visit with me and she agreed. He drove all the way from Joplin (southwest) MO all the way to Ohio. When he got his hands on me he picked me up and drove me all the way back to Joplin.
He kidnapped me from my mom because his girlfriend wanted children and found out he had one. They had money and my mom was poor so the lied their way through gaining custody of me. cuterecluse9999
Maybe one day we'll make up our minds.
I was born in America, but live in Italy. My father and grandfather were born in Italy, but emigrated to America. My great grandfather was born in America, but emigrated to Italy. My great great grandfather was born in Italy, but emigrated to America.
Despite emigrating 4 times, all members of my family for 5 generations have, at one time or another, lived in the same 2 US counties and the same Italian province.
Maybe one day we'll make up our minds. sibuttadopo
The Tree....
Slightly disturbing today, but common historically.
My family has lived in the same area for several hundred years. This means I am generally related to people in my tree more than one way. My parents are 4th cousins, my paternal grandparents are 3rd cousins (twice actually), my maternal grandfather's parents are 3rd cousins, and I have 4 less 6th great grandparents because of in-family relations. My tree is a mess, as a result. unqualified_frickle
History..
GiphyAn ancestor from my paternal family came to 'Murica on the mayflower, and happened to be the person to fall off and survive so that's cool. CupcakeCrusader2
Pretending....
My great- grandfather managed the invasion of Nazi-germany in Paris in 1940. He was a high ranked officer there, he even has a small Wikipedia note and was executed at the subsequent Nuremberg trials. After that my family pretended to be jewish 'til this day as a precautionary measure against consequences, stigma and so on.
Then my grandfather and grandmother were very important personalities in East Germany (DDR, they worked in a high position at the Stasi) and traded new born children from system enemies to people loyal to the system, who can't have a baby for whatever reason. So yeah, my family is messed up in a lot of ways, but we're not allowed to talk about it and have to pretend being jewish forever or so. InflexusSerafina
"the black angel"
I only found this out a couple of years ago and found it pretty interesting. My mother's side of the family are from the Netherlands and when it became occupied by Germany my great-grandfather became part of the Dutch resistance. He was known as "the black angel" and hid many people, including children, under the kitchen floorboards and smuggled them to London. Eventually Nazi soldiers would come looking for him and he would also have to hide under the floorboards. waldeinsamkeit_1
At 16...
My aunt got pregnant by her stepdad at 16, had the kid, the whole family broke apart. Her mom went to a mental hospital, her siblings were out of touch with her for 20 years or more. Now they are all fine again and new generations never hear of that story. What bums me out the most is that they broke off contact with a pregnant 16-year-old instead of sending the fool to jail! MinuteJuice
"coincidence"
Not me but my best friend
His grandfather was a deputy of DOPS which was the brazilian Gestapo during the dictatorship and it is proven that he was a torturer.... gnarly stuff.
But that's not the end of it, the Nazi Dr. Mengele fled to Brazil after WWI and lived freely for a very long time until he had a heart attack in a isolated beach that is 60km away from where my friend's grandfather worked and lived.
In the official story of course for some totally accidental "coincidence" my friend's grandfather found his body and identified him as Dr. Mengele in a isolated beach.
But yeah, his family put two and two together and they pretty much are sure that he was friends with Mengele, If you want to google my friend's grandfather his name is Aparecido Laertes Callandra. nicowilder
The Worker.
My great grandfather practically lifted the entire family out of poverty, he was a coal miner, but worked as a taxi driver on the side. He also took his kids school from home and back.
My grandfather and Grandmother became one of the first bankers in the region. As such they were known by everyone around town.
If you go there now, it's one of the most educated places in the country, I asked my dad how a coal miner town became this way.
He said "Because a worker knows that, if his children live no better then he does, they'll work the exact same way he has." CamperKuzey