Sex is an integral part of life. Even if you spend most of your living days single, you still need to find a little one on one human contact. It feeds the soul. But as imperative as sex is, you have to choose wisely. We compromise too much of ourselves when the sexy time is... just that good. Don't be blinded, pay attention.
Even serial killers can be good in bed, it doesn't mean we need to lay next to them.
Redditor u/ya7ta wanted everyone to share about a life weakness that binds us all together by asking... What is the biggest red flag you had overlooked because the sex was good?***WARNING. THINGS MAY GET A LITTLE HOT HERE. SO 17 and UP!!***
Sex can blind you to the people aren't willing to do the work. They know what's going on, they are cognizent of their actions and they don't care, it's about them. That is always a BURNING red flag. Burning like fire.
White Noise
the lord of the rings no GIF
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Doesn't appear to register a word I say, and sometimes just interrupts me mid-sentence with a remark of his own. It's almost like I'm white noise sometimes.
Liar Liar pants on Fire...
Pathological Liar on the streets, Demon in the sheets.
You just described my last Ex.
Amazing in bed, but practically everything she said was a lie. I finally left when I realized she'd lied about her age, and I finally wasn't even sure she was honest about her last name.
Before you ask, just typical lies about how everything I liked was her favorite too, she was the same age as me, swore she even went to the same first concert as me 'Oh, my god, why couldn't we have met back then?!'
Then she'd have breakdowns and complain that she feels like she can't be herself and needs to constantly stroke my ego, which I beg her to stop doing and just be honest.
Then she'd lie about a whole separate set of things.
She even lied and said she knew how to play guitar. So, I brought a few guitars and practice amps over, thinking we could hammer out a song or just jam together. She literally got to the point where we were sitting together, holding guitars, and I suggest a simple I,IV,V Blues progression to warm up over, and I play the first 12 bars, and she sort of pretends to strum along, and finally, FINALLY, breaks down crying and admits she doesn't know how to play guitar.
It was that absurd.
the focus...
Even after being married to my husband for almost 20 years my husband still gets annoyed with me over it. Back in the day they called it "inability to focus" as per my learning disabilities teachers paperwork. Now it's called ADHD. I try to make my husband understand that I'm not trying to be rude or spiteful.
It's just how my mind works. I'd love to change it, it would make my life easier if I could. It's hard to make someone who has never dealt with this issue understand.
I'm not saying for a fact that this is his exact problem, but it sounds similar to my own husband's complaints about me. Just thought I'd offer some possible perspective.
Crazy is crazy, or at the very least... "off kilter." If you sense they may take the extreme action of giving into delusional behavior, there is no shame in booking a one-way ticket out of dodge. Don't let the carnal make you feel like you're the crazy one.
JUMP!
ouch jump GIF by America's Funniest Home Videos
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Jumped out of a moving car because she didn't like a restaurant in the direction we were headed. Most adventurous sex I ever had. Crazy in the head crazy in the bed.
Ok X?
My ex got mad at me because she "always" chose where we ate. I said let's go to X, she said she didn't like X. I said how about Y? No, Y either. Same with Z, so I asked where she wanted to eat then since she didn't like any of my choices and we went there.
For Me?
He constantly wanted to do everything with me/for me. Don't go to the post office by yourself, I'll drive you! Don't get yourself dinner, I'll take you and we'll go together! Don't do X, I'll do it!
And then he'd get upset when I had already gone/didn't wait for his butt to wake up (he worked nights and often slept through a million calls)/had done whatever by myself or with friends, and claimed that he was worried about me.
He found a new squeeze and dumped me a month or so into this, but in hindsight he was really, really controlling and that was quite likely the start of something not-so-great.
Paranoia...
Everyone told me she was paranoid but she was a ballerina and her body was perfect. Her paranoia was strange in that she thought everyone was talking about her behind her back and lo and behold everyone was talking about her behind her back. Everyone was talking about how paranoid she was. In my defense I told everyone that she technically wasn't paranoid if what she thought was happening was actually happening. Then she became paranoid of me sleeping around on her. Had to roll.
Some red flags are just so obvious and statement making that you there is no need to explain. When you see them... run. Run and never look back. And if you do... don't be shocked down the road.
Leave Sober
She was insanely jealous and we'd fight all the time, but the sex was amazing.
I managed to break up with her, met her to get some things back. She asked to get a drinks, few hours later and the most intense sex ever, I ended up with her for another year.
I did finally end it.
Pearl Clutch
- owns a house with her ex-husband that she's still "friendly" with. Also I was never invited over.
- Nieces & nephews live with her, but brother doesn't regularly.
- Wanted to get a job with her ex.
Yeah, she got that job and is back with him. Shocked, I tell you.
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The lesson we've learned? Sex is great. Sex isn't everything though. Great sex is difficult to find, but we can go without until it comes with love or without strings. Like, after you're done and it's post-coutal, you shouldn't be concerned about waking up the next morning. And you shouldn't be stuck years later just because.... you named it.
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Do we even have a clue that they're the "one" that got away? How long until it sinks in? And how do we not know there isn't another "one" coming behind them? I have no answers. Just asking...
The Draft
Episode 1 Omg GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphy"The girl who summoned up the nerve to ask me out towards the beginning of high school. I was so humiliated by the life my family was living that I stalled until she gave up."
"Betsy, if by some stroke of dumb luck you're reading this... I'm so sorry. It was 25-27 years ago, but I still hate myself for that. You were beautiful, intelligent, a good person, and if I had anything resembling a stable, presentable home I would've said yes in a heartbeat... I had a crush on you since 7th-grade 'intro to drafting.'
I Love Her
"Weird, I was just confiding in my mom about this last night. I'm late but for catharsis's sake I'm going to post. My first girlfriend is a classic case of you don't know what you have until it's gone. She's the complete package. Beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and so kind. We started dating when I was 17 and broke up when I was 21."
"For reference I'm 30 now. I was an idiot. I wanted to play the field. I wanted to party and hook up with college girls. It was fun at first but after a while I felt this gnawing hole in my heart. The feeling of doubt crept up slowly and still, a decade later my chest feels tight thinking about it."
"I didn't realize until my later serious relationships that getting along with your SO's family is so important. Her mom and step dad genuinely treated me like a part of their family. It's not a stretch to say I literally grew up with these people. I spent some of my most formative years with them. Birthdays, Thanksgivings, Christmases, you name it. They celebrated me and my accomplishments. They genuinely cared about me. Just amazing, salt of the earth, lovely people."
"Her birthday was in March and I sent her a text and we ended up talking for a bit. She's happily married and stable with a daughter and a second on the way. I'm genuinely so happy for her. She deserves happiness. I just wish I was a part of that. Sitting at work 10 years later I'm tearing up. I numbed myself out to it for years, it's so strange to me that I've been so stuck on her lately. Is this normal?"
- direct07
15 Years Later
"My very first real love. I was a teenager and I didn't really know how to be comfortable in myself or with myself. I played silly teen girl games and lost him even as a friend. Now 15 years later I still think about R from time to time. I genuinely hope he's happy in his life."
"Edit: Wow this blew up while I was sleeping. Thanks for all the sweet words and to everyone with their "one" congratulations! I suppose I hadn't looked him up on social media because I'm scared, scared he won't respond, scared he will respond, scared he'll think I'm a stalker. I'm in a happy relationship now, but what if... Etc etc etc. But I'll give it a Google."
Missed You Much
rhythm nation dance GIF by Janet JacksonGiphyA girl I dated in high school. Went on a date one time she took me out parking and I was too stupid to realize it.
"She always talked about moving away as soon as she got finished with high school. I always thought I would stay in a little town the rest of my life. Turns out I was the one who left and move to another state. Later I heard that she had told someone that I knew that she thought that we would be married at some point. Missed it by that much."
Ok... I've been a bit blind to the light. People can be cruel, but also highly creative. Why not just lead with the truth? It'll always hurt more after lies.
Chuck E.
Chuck E Cheese Wink GIFGiphy"Ah the rare AskReddit question I can answer."
"I met a wonderful woman circa 2013-2015. We worked at what I can best describe as an upscaled Chuck E Cheese. Or ghetto Six Flags. Your choice."
"We hit it off instantly, though at the time I was rather romantically inept. Eventually, she says she's leaving to join the Air Force. I tell her I'll miss her, and wished her well. The thought of asking for her number so we could stay in contact didn't even cross my mind."
"Cue the next day, I stop for lunch on my way to work, and as I'm walking to my car I hear my name being called. I turn around, and it's her, running toward me. Universe giving me a second chance, right? Wrong. My dumb butt still didn't ask for her number. She looked a little upset, and I still think about her often. Desiree, I hope you're doing well."
The Getaway...
"He was my first and last love. I was 16 and he was 18 when we met. We bounced around like idiots, on again off again, finally got together mid 20s. We both fell into bad habits - drugs and alcohol, more booze for me, more drugs for him. We had some bad things happen that were pretty detrimental to staying sober. We would split, reconcile, get sober, fall off the wagon, split, etc... repeat as necessary. We realized we were very bad for each other unless we could BOTH just get sober for ourselves, and split."
"Ten years later, I was sober for 7 years (still am, going on 18 years end of this month, actually! Woo, go me!) and he was beginning to come back, sober about a year. He contacted me, we met, talked about trying again. He said that once he had been totally clean for a year, we'd do it. That whole "Don't make any changes for a year" thing. I would visit him, tho, things were good."
"He woke up one morning feeling bad, thought he had the flu. (This was pre-now) I stayed around because he was sick, but neither of us thought he was drastically bad, just the flu, right? He got worse and worse, finally we called an ambulance because he got up from a nap and couldn't breathe. He died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Aortic dissection."
"He got away, but someday I'll see him again. I never stopped loving him, and him me. We just weren't good for each other."
Ce la vie...
"My most serious Ex."
"Don't think I truly understood love until I met her. Loved her more than I ever thought I could love anything. It eventually ended when she told me that, through no fault of my own, she had fallen out of love with me. That was 2 years ago, still hurts to think/talk about."
"Ce la vie..."
The Avoid...
"I'm in the middle of trying to avoid that right now actually."
"It's not worth the heartache trust me. I fought to stay in a relationship for an entire year. If I would've just let her go the first time she wanted there would've been a lot less pain. We would've left on good terms. I would've lost a lot less sleep. Rip the band-aid off because once the band-aid starts peeling it's inevitable it'll fall off with time."
Kim Tate Eye Roll GIF by Emmerdale"My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago. Mutual breakup through a lack of communication on both ends I feel."
"Thought I was over that hill until this week she messaged just to say hey and ask an innocent question. We text for the best part of the day and it's brought up a lot of old feeling. Feeling pretty bitter sweet right now."
Love is a mess. Why even bother trying if you can't be true? It's not hard to just spell out the situation. And if you're the one needing to put together the words... look closer. The dialogue shouldn't be difficult.
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