Man Seeks Help To Politely Get His GF To Stop Wearing All His Clothes Without Hampering Relationship
A man on Reddit was seeking advice about how to delicately talk to his girlfriend about an issue he's having:
How do I (25M) politely get my longterm SO (24F) to stop wearing my clothes. Yes, I’m serious.
Original post:TL;DR: gf wears all my clothes incessantly and it's causing me problems when I have no clean clothes to wear myself. How do I nicely fix this problem?
So my girlfriend wears my clothes. No big deal, right? It's normal for a girlfriend to wear your hoodie or sleep in your T-shirt. Usually I'd agree, but this has actually become a problem for me.
My girlfriend changes 3x a day on her days off. Once in the morning after her shower, once when she comes home from her errands, and again when she goes to bed into pajamas. Also pretty normal. Here's where it starts to cause a problem for me though
Outfit 1: my T-shirt, her jeans.
Outfit 2. Another new T-shirt of mine, my lounge pants
Outfit 3: a third new T-shirt of mine, and a second pair of my lounge pants.
She goes through my clothes 3x faster than I do. It's started to cause issues when I need clothing to wear but everything I own is dirty.
In addition, all my clothes that were somewhat tight fitting she enjoys the most. Doesn't sound too bad, but if your clothing is somewhat tight, every time you wash it, it shrinks back a little from the stretch your body caused by wearing it. My nice, form fitting undershirts have now only been worn by her, resulting in no stretch and only shrinkage, as she's a small girl, and no longer fit me at all. She's also throws them all over the floor, which is just a pet peeve of mine. I don't like my nice clothes on the floor with pet hair.
I've bought extra clothes to the point where they don't all fit in my drawer if every piece of clothing is clean and folded. She now thinks I have a slight clothes hoarding problem, exacerbated by the fact that she's basically stopped buying clothes and is down to a fraction of the amount she used to have, which is now small in comparison to my collection. Because she doesn't ever use them.
Things I've tried: Asking her to wash clothes more - she gets mad at me for asking this because "barely any of the dirty clothes are even hers!" And, admittedly, she does do most of the cleaning around our house, because I have a very busy work/school schedule. It does not connect in her mind that even though they're mine, she used them. I've tried pointing this out after a few days of laundry building up, but she just downright refuses to believe that she actually truly uses them that much. If I try telling her the moment she puts them on, she thinks I'm being petty.
Asking her not to wear my clothes - I stumbled over this one like the clumsy male that I am. Probably worded it way wrong. She took it as I'm not ok with her wearing my clothes at all. I think it's pretty cute when she wears my big sweat shirts. It doesn't bother me. She got super upset and we got into a fight that ended in her saying "fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again." Which of course doesn't last because we made up, and both said things we didn't mean.
Asking her not to change into new clothes of mine so much - total no go for her. She's a clean freak and to the point where if she puts on a shirt and after 5 minutes decides she doesn't want to wear it, that shirt has to go in the dirty laundry. Not the drawer. The idea of changing less, or even worse, resusing a pair of pants or T-shirt she wore that day, disgusts her. I can understand this I guess.
What do I do?
Advice Started Pouring In About The Issue...
Can you give her some of your clothes and say these are mine but okay for you to wear- but I'd appreciate if you didn't wear my other things? Like a pile of clothes that is green lit for her to wear?
If she gets upset just keep calm and rationally talk to her. If you decided to wear her clothes all the time and got things dirty she wanted to wear- would she be upset? You don't want to ban all of it because she likes to wear your stuff and it's cute to see her in an old tshirt of yours- but some things you want that are just yours and off limits.
Set Those Boundaries
fine I'll never wear anything that belongs to you again.
That seems to be the best solution. There is no way you can allow her to use judgement in when it is too much. You have tried and she goes way beyond the "cute" stage of wearing your T-shirt to bed. She wears multiple items several times a day. Plus she is sloppy by throwing them on the floor. So, the best way to handle it is -- you wear your own clothes and I will wear mine.
I think she has a possessive nature and wearing your clothes is her way of say, "you are mine."
"Just Tell Her"
Your SO getting upset when you literally do not have a shirt for your back in my opinion is a little bit strange. Being long term you guys should be able to talk about this small issue without anybody getting argumentative and the fact she's a clean freak shouldn't really be an excuse to why she can't wear her own clothes?
If my partner said to me "Babe, you're literally wearing everything I own to the point I have nothing to wear. Is it alright to tone it down a bit or use a few of your own clothes for lounging as I need those shirts for work?" I would of course do so.
My boyfriend has come home with new clothes and has explicitly said "please don't wear these as they're for work". It isn't an insult it's just common sense. You need clothes and she needs to not be so dramatic with throwing something in the wash after having it on for 5 minutes. Just tell her.
Maybe It's Indicative Of Something Bigger...
You shouldn't have to go buy her clothing or figure out a super gentle way to tell her. Adults should be able to handle, "Please stop wearing my clothes, I want them to be clean and inn good condition when I need them." If she can't respect a basic and simple boundary then there are real problems.
If you want, give her a couple things to wear. Don't feel that you need to.
Do Unto Others
Tell her to stop wearing your clothes. If she keeps going wear her favorite t shirt with her most expensive yoga pants whether it fits or not. I think that should stop her. She's being more than unreasonable by not responding to all your reasonable requests to either stop wearing your clothes or at least wash them if she wears them. I say this a girl with a boyfriend who I regularly borrow clothes from. However I also ask before borrowing things no matter how many times I have borrowed that clothing item before.
Could Be Indicative Of A Deeper Problem
A little late to this but I'll still throw my 2 cents in. If she's depressed or showing signs of depression this might be why she's shrugging off your concerns. She is using the control aspect of your clothing and your guys relationship to feel like she isn't losing control of everything. Unfortunately you still can't make excuses for this behavior, she is an adult and if you suffer in silence then down the road you'll regret it. You guys will fall into an unhealthy pattern of her arguing with you then shutting down and you forgiving her and staying quiet. This is detrimental to her growth and the relationship. I myself dealt with hard things in my life and I had to grow up for my sake and my husbands. If you truly care about her sit her down and set boundries, when she argues end the conversation until you're both calm then pick it up again. Continue to cover the same points until she understands because honestly this isn't about your clothes or your relationship. If she has a lot going on in her life and is feeling down then this is about her not letting go of all control. You care about her and that's obvious but sometimes caring means tough love.
Maybe Ask Where The Real Problem Is
I think it's a bigger problem here that you can't ask her to stop doing something simple without it turning into a big fight.
Perhaps Everyone Needs To Be Fine With Everything
You guys are essentially sharing a closet. It's not a problem for her to be wearing your clothes, but they're YOUR clothes, not hers. She needs to either be fine with reusing your clothes for multiple wears or ask if she can reduce the amount she wears (for example, only using them for lounging or pjs).
She also needs to be wearing her own clothes. Does she like your clothes because of your style? She can buy the exact same ones of her own. Because your clothes are soft? She can buy soft clothes. Because your clothes smell like you? Buy her some of your cologne and she can spray it on her clothes.
Also, make sure she knows it's not something you're angry about, so she doesn't feel like you're attacking her, and whatever you suggest is to make you happier.
Hide Them Like Treasure
Lock your closet door. Maybe she'll start to use her own clothes. Or hide your good/new clothes somewhere else, so she has access to the clothes you don't want (or the ones undershirts she had destroyed already). This way she won't have the feeling that she isn't allowed to use them, but she won't touch the good stuff anymore.
Meet Her Halfway
two things spring to mind: firstly, if you're bothered by the amount of dirty laundry piling up then why don't you do it? someone else suggested a laundry schedule, i think that could be a good idea. sharing chores is only fair in a couple.
secondly, my other thought was that maybe next time you both need new clothes you could go shopping together and buy some gender neutral stuff that you can both wear. that way you have clothes that are designated as 'sharing clothes' and she may focus on those more. i think where you might be going wrong is not setting a clear enough boundary by saying 'please don't wear my clothes, unless you're doing it in a cute way eg. big sweater'. i'm not saying you have to go all or nothing, but you need to clearly define what she is or isn't allowed to wear.
Stand Your Ground
Just stick with her not wearing your clothes. Seriously. If it's an issue, nip it in the bud like you have and move on.
The, "Fine! I be won't ever wear anything of yours ever again," is a manipulative hyperbole designed to inspire feelings of guilt. You need to ignore it or she's going to be wearing ALL of your clothes again.
For some people it's give an inch, take a mile. Sounds like your girlfriend is like this. Don't budge.
Ask: Why Does She Truly Like Wearing Them?
She might not feel well in her own skin and is trying to camouflage it with your clothes, because she associates them with love and trust.
I'm not saying that you should let her have all you clothes, though.
Some weeks ago I realized that I was depressed and needed to show love for myself. So I went to Primark and got myself fluffy pyamas, socks, leggings, jumpers, bedthrows, and so on. I'm jeans-less since 3 weeks, I only wear the comfiest, fluffiest, warmest cloths available. No boyfriend, so nobody to steal relaxing clothes from.
What I want to say is: Yes, there is problem, yes, there's a reason for it, yes, you guys have to talk about it and find solutions.
Set Some Aside
If I were you, I would just pick a few outfits for the week and ask her to not wear those. After some time, this should work itself out. This is her way of coping with stress. Some people suffer from anxiety when they don't see their SO as often as they like. Wearing their SOs clothes can help them.
Try buying some clothes and seeing if she likes the fit on her. A little humor could help this issue. To me, this is someone that you have no intention of leaving anytime soon. You want to work through your issues together. Give her permission to wear your clothes. Just create some boundaries for your own sake.
Visual Evidence Is A Big Assist
I think it might help bring the point home if you had two laundry baskets for your clothes. One basket for your clothes that you've worn, and one basket for your clothes that she's worn.
That will either help understand that the issue isn't as big as you think it is, or, more likely, it will help her see that she's using far more of your clothes than you are.
Good luck!
...Seriously. Get. That. Laundry. Basket.
If she doesn't realize how much she's wearing your clothes (all the dirty laundry is your clothes), how about having two laundry hampers or two separate piles? So she can actually see how much she contributes despite only seeing your items. I wear clothes for several days so I generally remember what I borrowed but if she's going through so many she probably just doesn't notice.
What's Your Real Excuse?
I'm not trying to attack you, but this really sounds like a case of "but she's hot!"
Go back and read through your responses, look at all the excuses you've given. Basically everything that's been suggested, you've already tried. And it hasn't worked.
This may be "just" clothes and ridiculous in the grand scale of things, but it's gotten to a point where it causes you A LOT of inconvenience in your daily life, more than it reasonably should. And your girlfriend just doesn't care, to be frank. Consider that.
When All Else Fails, Maybe Use Math
She's a clean freak but throws your clothes (not hers) on the floor? No, she just treats your items like crap.
If she keeps insisting that she didn't wear your clothes that much, ask her what outfits she wore that day and the day before and then extrapolate that number into items per week.
Just tell her that your clothes are off limits, period. And BTW, I'm female and consider her behavior out of line.
Be Up Front And Use The Facts
"Hey, I don't really have much by way of clothes, and while I find you super cute in my stuff, we need to figure out a way for me to have clean clothes to wear, and for you to be able to steal a shirt or two when you want to. Thoughts?"
Tell her the problem, ask her to be part of the solution?
u/RAThrowawa8859 Added Later On...
To answer some common questions: Does she treat her stuff better than mine/questions about how she can be a neat freak and throw my clothes around? No. She's usually respectful of belongings. Clothing is just something immune to her ocd. She leaves her clothes in the laundry basket until she needs them. Hell, sometimes she'll fold my clothes and not her own.
What's her maturity level like? Yeah I know this seems pretty immature. It is. But for context, She had a rough upbringing and it resulted in her having to mature in some ways much younger than the average girl, but has left her maturity....stunted...in other areas. We're working through it. She still deserves love.
Does she hyperbolize other arguments to get her way? Yes. We have talks about that. It's a problem we're actively addressing. I have slight anger issues and she works through my irritability at small things. We try to deal with each other's problems, not run from them.
Why don't you just stand up to her? Be blunt and let her be mad? This just isn't an approach that's constructive in our relationship. That kind of approach just causes her to shut down, and me to get angry over every little thing I can possibly think of.
Why the hell does she not do laundry, she's 24? She does! She's not as proactive as i am about. She's more of a "wait til i NEED to do it," whereas i like to do it as soon as i have a load. We both do laundry, and a bunch of other chores! But recently she got a new job and she's also dealing with a complex family issue that's causing depression. With school on top she's struggling to keep up with what she used to do. I also do chores! I've picked up a lot more since her life has changed. Our dynamic with assigning chores has always been pretty good. It's only when I ask her to do it more often that she becomes offendedStick It Through
Well done for sticking through despite seeing her problems, you never saw her as a lost cause which is awesome. I see some traits in her that my partner has (he has aspergers). He will leave clothes all over the bedroom floor (I've found socks in the weirdest places). But heaven forbid there's a mark on the kitchen bench top or stove he's gotta scrub it, if you try to put a filled glass on a table he's gotta quickly grab a coaster for you. Fortunately our communication is much better so we don't have such issues.
A few suggestions have been good but I think a combination would work.
Segregate your clothes (maybe even get a suitcase or something to do so) and emphasise what she can and can't wear (I wouldn't allow pants at all) and say that if she touches the ones you said she couldn't not only will you be mad and upset, you'll also not have any clothes to wear (you're allowed to get mad sometimes, don't be afraid to be) I'd also offer to take her shopping to add to her clothing collection, even if it's the sort of clothes you'd wear. I'd also suggest seeing a relationship specialist to help with your communication problems together. And see if you can convince her to get tested for mental disorders like Aspergers or personality disorder, if she is then there's a crap ton of information out there about techniques for communication and routines etc. Make sure you shower with love when you do, and reassure that no matter what you love her.
Good luck with everything.
What would you say to someone like this? Share your advice!
Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason
"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.
Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.
But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.
However not everyone feels that way about their job.
So what are these compelling careers?
Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked:
"People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?"
Cup Of Joe
"Barista is my main regular job."
"I f*cking love it."
"I love being able to talk to people all day and making cute little swans or whatever in people's drinks."
~ Low_Perception9046
Cleaning Up
"Janitor."
"Hours are good, work is easy, people are mostly nice."
"Something to keep me busy."
~ IHate2ChooseUserName
Fun With Chemistry
"I develop chemical sensors."
"I would buy the company and work half time."
"The joy of solving the types of problems that come up is fun."
~ BadDadWhy
Helping Children
"When I win the lottery I’ll still work but I’ll probably go to part time."
"I work with children with special needs—my job is rewarding and special."
"I love working with kids."
"Plus I’m too young to 'retire' and not work, I’ll get bored."
~ No-Section3226
Doing Dos
"I do hair."
"Love it!"
"Gives me purpose."
~ Hyperboleballad
Feeding The Hungry
"I'm actually a chef at my local homeless shelter."
"My dream job, even with an advanced degree."
"I'd not quit this if I won 3 lotteries."
"I would, however, cut a fat check to my organization and my sister organizations."
~ subwooferofthehose
Angel Of Mercy
"Nursing."
"I kind of still like it."
"I'd probably back off to part time if I won big."
~ LadyVaresa
Sweet Beats
"I'm a musician."
"Basically I have what for most people is a dream job, which makes me a non-representative specimen."
"On the other hand, I still occasionally work as a paramedic, and as rewarding as that job can be, I'm mostly doing it when I want to grab some extra cash."
"I'd probably let my certs expire if I was rich."
~ loose_lady_lutenist
Healing
"I'm a doctor."
"A great portion of my income is already donated to my hospital's program that expands access to low-income patients."
"I'd probably give 100% of my income to the program if I won and use the lottery winnings for living."
~ Shiblets
DIY
"I recondition (light remodeling) apartments after tenants move out."
"I’m alone all day and I can listen to podcasts or books, the work is very satisfying to me, and as a woman I’ve loved learning HVAC, plumbing, and electrical work as I use the experience in my own home when things break/need updating."
"I would go crazy without working anyway but I really do love my job."
~ Dependent-Bass-2043
All Creatures Great And Small
"Kennel attendant."
"I’ll never willingly turn my back on these animals."
~ RathGodofWar
No Business Like Show Business
"I’m the Assistant Director for a Children’s Theatre."
"It’s really not something you do for the money."
"You do it because you love it and can’t imagine your life without it."
~ RamblingsOfaMadCat
Fostering Futures
"I work in addiction recovery."
"It means a lot to me."
"I wouldn’t quit if I won the lottery, but I would go part time."
~ randtcouple
A Stitch In Time
"I teach people how to sew, mostly kids but we have a few adult classes as well."
"It is stressful but also so rewarding to see a room full of people who have learned a skill from you and can take home a bunch of goodies."
"Sewing is a dying skill so we need to teach it more!"
~ Interesting-Chest520
Saving Lives
"National Suicide Prevention Lifeline."
"I love the job. It’s stressful at times but also very rewarding."
~ MaryKathGallagher
Many people stated they might cut back to part-time or donate their salary, but a significant number of people had no plans to stop working.
However some would change their job focus or profession.
So, would you keep working after a lottery win?
There's something comforting about living in a small town.
It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.
Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.
The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.
Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:
"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"
These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.
Live Updates
"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."
– PyrrhuraMolinae
Brush With The Law
"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”
Roadside Catchup
"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."
– anon
When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.
Bank Robbery
"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."
– AlexRyang
"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."
– Strict_Condition_632
Wise Woman
"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."
"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."
– ilurvekittens
Intoxicated Local
"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."
– DoodooExplosion
Grazing Over To The Bar
"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."
– brown_pleated_slacks
It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.
Welcoming Committee
"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"
–MoonieNine
"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."
– impiousdrifter
"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."
– raisinghellwithtrees
"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"
– realneil
A Busy Day
"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."
– KenmoreToast
Who Let The Dogs Out?
"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."
– mediocrelpn
"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."
– Worried_Place_917
While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.
I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.
I would be paranoid.
And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.
Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office GiphyDouble Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations GiphyA Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. GiphyA Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO GiphyAmazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.