No one likes that nauseating feeling in their stomach when they have to do something they don't want to do.
It's like you're going to vomit and pass out all at the same time. There's a different trigger for every person, something that sets off a chain reaction in their gut, telling them, "Don't do this. Walk away."
But this is life. We're forced to do things we don't like to do sometimes.
Reddit user, u/WinstonChurchillin, wanted to know what makes your knees shake and teeth chatter when they asked:
What makes you nervous no matter how many times you do it?
It's not that the nervousness you're feeling isn't warranted. Odds are there is a precedent of something going wrong in the situation you're in. But, mostly, you're just acting a little over worried.
A Drop To Nowhere
"Walking over a storm drain with my keys in my hand"
"That's how I lost my ipod. I had it in my hoodie pocket and for some reason decided to hop over the drain."
"As soon as I jumped, I saw my ipod fly out and fall in. I lost a lot of my limewire downloads that day."
The Bane Of All Team-Building Activities
"Let's break ourselves into small groups and…"
"And also, "Before we start, let's go around the room and say a little bit about ourselves…"
"The problem I have with this is I suddenly forget everything about myself."
"Favorite food? "Oh god what have I eaten ever?" Favorite movie? "I watch movies?" Hobbies? "Is sleep a hobby, did I even sleep last night?" Typically how it goes in my head."
With these things at least there's a very real chance for physical harm. That's can be understood, at least. No one wants to lose a finger when they're slicing ham.
The Walls Are Closing In, Except The Walls Are Giant Trucks
"Driving in between two semi trucks on the freeway. Bonus points if one or both is carrying a bunch of logs..."
"...For the record, I am very aware that this is something one should not do unless you have to. The only times this happens to me is if I am in one of the middle lanes on a 4 or 5 lane highway and semis come up on either side. In those cases, I speed up as quick as I can to pass one or the other. Always drive defensively!"
It's Just A Big Blade Sliding By
"Using a mandoline slicer."
"Even using the safety guard I get a little queasy when I have to use it."
"I sliced my thumb open once because I thought I was too good for the guard. I never ever use it without the guard now and still get too nervous to cut that far down with it."
Then there's these situations, where you don't understand where or how the nerves started, but doing these will make you want to go curl up under a blanket and think about your life choices that led to this moment.
It's just a meeting. What could go wrong?
Po-Po Be Riding Up On You
"Drive in front of a police officer when I have no reason to be nervous."
"Driving past/behind/in front of a cop, I've got a clean record and I don't do anything illegal but I feel like they will pull me over anyway, and I start to panic if they continue to follow me, even when on main roads. I look back every 5 seconds to see if they turned their lights and siren on to pull me over."
"Paranoia?"
Am I Getting Fired Or What?
"When my boss goes 'can we just have a quick chat?'"
"Or "Come into my office when you get a chance. There's something I'd like to discuss with you."
This Actually Feels Like An "America Only" Problem
"Calling off work"
"The worst!!! It makes me so nervous I almost always just suck it up and go into work lol"
"Totally agree! If I actually manage to get through the phone call I spend the rest of the day feeling so guilty I feel worse than I would being sick at work."
I Don't Want To Look At You
"Calling someone on the phone. I'm a fairly outgoing person and I love talking to people, but I rely a lot on seeing a person's face and observing their body language, which isn't possible on the phone. Voicemails are less terrible, but I still panic a little because if I mess up while leaving a message, the other person has a freaking recording of me being really awkward. I'm so thankful texting exists."
Acknowledge fear and it loses its power over you.
Somewhat.
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The strangest things can keep a family together.
Reddit user, u/Turuu_Was_Taken, wanted to hear how your family sticks together when they asked:
What are your absolutely weirdest "it runs in the family" traits or characteristics?
Some "runs in the family" traits are funny, quirky, and overall, hopefully non-harmful?
Dangerously Sleepy
"We all sleep walk and sleep talk, mom and dad both did it, my siblings and children do it."
"Best one is my mom, she's a saint during the day but 10 minutes after she dozes off she starts screaming and cursing like a trucker. It's funny because if she goes somewhere we have to explain in advance what will happen."
"She's harmless for the most part, she has tossed and broken a few remote controls that she left on the bed next to her though."
"Me I'm a sleep walker/talker and eater, I check the locks, the gas on the stove, then raid the fridge and eat anything that I can get my hands on."
Half-Legolas
"I have one slightly pointed ear, my grandfather had it too, and apparently his grandfather. So we have an elf ear that runs in the family that skips a generation. Also none of my siblings or cousins have it so it hits one person every other generation… weird."
There's No Stopping The Onion Train
"Everyone on my dad's side of the family becomes allergic to onions and garlic around age 40. I have 10 years left and then I need to do some serious research into alternative seasoning."
"How sensitive? Fermented garlic in honey may be a solution for you."
"I'm not sure if it's technically an allergy, it's only if it's eaten and it causes pretty nasty stomach issues. Apparently, it's less severe if the onions/garlic are cooked but still bad enough that my dad/uncle/grandmother avoid those ingredients."
Maybe you all react a certain way to things. This kind of behavior comes from years of learning, watching one another, and incorporating those actions into our own routines.
Kick Them Demons Away
"Kicking our feet when falling asleep. My whole family does it, we all feel uncomfortable unless we do."
All Power, No Technique
"The men in my family have a considerable amount of natural brute strength. We are all built like linebackers with extremely broad shoulders. But here's the rub. It is great for jobs and tasks that require pure strength but we have a lot of issues using it for skill related purposes. You need something heavy lifted,, torn off, or moved,...great! Give me a call. You need a skill position on a sports team? Well maybe not."
"When up to bat I really have a hard time hitting past the infield. Three point shooting in basketball was embarrassing how often I airballed until I worked like crazy on my technique. It is funny to think back how other parents were always wary about us playing with other kids our age when younger. I guess they thought at any minute we would just pick up one of their kids and defenestrate them on a whim."
Just Have One Of Those Faces
"My mom has this odd thing about her in that random people will just approach her and talk to her about pretty much anything. You'd think that she knew these people her whole life, but no. I never understood what was up with that until it started to happen to me. For about a decade now, I'm constantly having unexpectedly long and in-depth conversations with complete strangers."
And then there's these traits, generated deep down in the blood, and passed from generation to generation.
Coffee Is Full Of Sound And Fury, Signifying Nothing
"Multiple people in my family have Meniere's Diseasse, which, among other things, makes it so consuming caffeine makes us go deaf."
"What? How? Why? Does it go away? How long does it last?"
"Basically our inner ear sucks at fluid balance, and caffeine messes with it further, exacerbating the problem and making us go deaf and dizzy. Hearing and balance fluctuate day to day, but with management it's not too bad."
Whatever keeps the family together, right? Even if that means kicking your feet while scratching your elf ears and having to no longer eat onions, so long as you're doing it together is what matters the most.
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It might feel like a challenge to come back at someone who has just insulted you, but it's easier than you think.
Reddit user, u/MilkshakeDawg, wanted to know about the best clapbacks when they asked:
What's the most memorable comeback you've heard in your life?
No one knows you like your family, hence why they're usually the one who know the best way to eviscerate you using only their words. Anyone with an older brother and/or sister knows what's going on with these comebacks.
She Can Stay
"My son and his newlywed wife were poor college students living out of state. When I went to visit them I took them to the grocery store and let them fill up a couple of grocery carts that I paid for. As we were leaving the store I said, "Now, when your kids are poor married college students trying to get by, don't forget this". My new daughter-in-law piped up and said, "Oh we won't forget. We're going to tell them to go get grandpa!" Haa haaa haaa...I love that gal."
Got That Sacred "Dad Laugh"
"I don't care if it's self-congratulatory, I'm proud of this one:
"Having dinner with my dad and older sister. I got straight As in school or something, and she's doing the older sibling thing."
"Sister: You may have gotten the book smarts in this family, but *I* got the street smarts."
"Me: The corner doesn't count."
"Dad: *chokes whiles laughing*"
Oh, Good Lord...
"My uncle to my husband. "When are you guys having a kid?"
"My husband. "Please don't ask me about my sex life with your niece"
Like, in public. Where people are. Other people. People you don't know, who might just be going about their day-to-day business, and they just so happen to hear someone being roasted alive?
How awful.
What's Keeping You Alive, Grandpa?
"Was standing behind these two older adults and this teen girl at the gas station last year. She was on her phone and the guy snapped at her for "not knowing how to live without technology" and without looking up she went "don't you have a pacemaker?".
When The Store Hates You...
"Someone yelled out in a Walmart , "I'm not ashamed of who I am".
"Another voice echoed back, "that's your parents job"
You Would Really Walk Up To Someone You Don't Know And Say This?
"Young pregnant co-worker had a stranger stare disapproving at her in a restaurant, then walk up and say "pregnancy isn't very becoming on you." She replied, "well, being a nosey rude bi*ch isn't becoming on you, but here we are."
And then there's these clapbacks. Unplanned, zero preparation, and with little prior knowledge, there needs to be a call placed to some local medical center with how much damage was done with these comebacks.
If You Pantsed It, Fix It
"My friend got pantsed, underwear and all at a party. Instead of pulling his underwear and pants up, immediately, he just kept going about his business, while hanging dong. Those of us that knew him already thought it was hilarious. The people at the party that didn't know him, looked really uncomfortable due to this dude having his pants and underwear around his ankles, with his wiener hanging freely. Our friend/the host said "dude, why don't you pull your pants up?" Pantsed guy said "I didn't pull them down." Then took his turn in beer pong. The host then found the guy that did pull them down and made him pull our friend's pants back up."
Definitely Seems Like You Got Tricked Here
"When I was working as a bartender one Halloween, I came dressed as an old Western style bartender (complete with mustache and accent). We had the evening split up into a little costume party for kids and families in the earlier hours, and then an adults only costume piss up later on."
"One of the regulars laughed at my costume and said I looked stupid, so I told him"
"You should probably come back after the kids have gone because you've come dressed as a c-nt".
"He didn't talk to me for weeks after that. It was blissful."
That's A Mom Burn! Those Don't Heal!
"I asked my mum out of curiosity what she would do if she found a used condom in my brother's room."
"Her response: "I would remind him that you can't get HIV from your own hand"
"For context, I live in South Africa where HIV is very common"
If you have some ice nearby it might be a good idea to go and grab some.
These burns spread.
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Anyone who's ever listened to a true crime podcast can tell you, secondhand, that criminals aren't as smart as we might think.
Reddit user, u/MookaMoona, wanted to hear about how the criminal element succeeded when they asked:
what are your 'holy sh-t, this criminal is smart' moments?
You don't get into crime to make friends.
You also don't get into crime to learn things. Mostly, you're just hoping that whatever you're about to try next to escape the system works out and no one happens to be looking your direction.
Thanks, Weather! We Appreciate It!
"A bank in my hometown was robbed by a group of individuals during a historic snowstorm. we got ~12ft in two days, and early in the storm the bank was still open. Couple people just walked in masked with guns, robbed the place and escaped on foot. Police response time was about 45 mins at best, and by the time they arrived on scene the tracks were gone. Longshot, but pure genius."
Cashing In A Different Kind Of Monetary System
"I was an assistant manager at a little deli/corner store for a few years and one of the employees bragged that he was getting a bag of weed a week from the store for free... Not to me but to other employees."
"I couldn't figure out how... the numbers always matched up. He was also really sucessful with one of our couponing programs.... It took me a while to figure out that our POS system would take the coupon without the upc being scanned... In otherwords... the coupons were esentially cash. He was cashing out ~$80 a week in coupons. The kid was pretty smart... I only found out when I was doing rhe inventory and the books the same week... I saw that we sold a ton of icecream... and thought geeze I am gonna have to restock the crap outta that... then realized that it was fully stocked and put 2 and 2 together."
Doing crime is really creating an infraction against the system we've built as a society. These "laws" are imaginary rules we assign value, and give credence, to so much so that when someone does something to break them we lose our minds.
Even when it's not that big of a deal.
Just Opening The Door Wrong
"A very clever criminal was stealing electricity for his nightclub in Liverpool, the power company knew something was happening because as soon as this guy took over their usage was about a quarter of the previous owner."
"They finally sent an old guy out to check the meter for problems. He discovered that they'd fitted a pressure switch on the door so that when it was opened the meter turned as normal, but as soon as you closes it the meter would stop turning."
"Two years they'd been investigating before he was caught out."
And You Almost Got Away With It
"Ex-Security Guard here. One of the many town drunks goes into a supermarket in Tonbridge, Kent (UK). Fills basket with 8 bottles of wine. Goes to toilets. Drinks all 8 bottles. Staggers out. He still gets arrested for theft but we had to admire his ingenuity!"
I Wasn't There. See?
"I'm a Police Officer. The smartest thing I see people who've been alleged to have committed a crime do is to have recorded what they were doing so they can prove their innocence."
And then there's these guys, who might actually be literal geniuses when the day is done.
Cutting Off The World's Connection
"Guy found out that when a gas station lost it's satellite connection, it automatically accepted all credit cards, and would presumably process them later. So, he climbed on the roof and covered the dish with foil to force it to lose connection then made charges on a card that was cancelled."
Crime! 30,000 Feet In The Air!
"In the 2000's you could order a new credit card, not activate it, and then when you were on a long haul flight you could upgrade via the card machine to first class once onboard and then pay for the premium service and when the flight landed and got internet connection none of the purchases would be successful and you would already be out of the airport."
"I never understood how they couldn't find you afterwards with your passport and credit card details but it was a big fraudulent scam that hit the newspapers multiple times. Maybe because apart from witness testimonies there wasn't a sufficient paper trail to say that you were upgraded or had any of the expensive champagne or duty free."
A Little Electric Play
"My dad is an attorney and had two clients: one who had an old huge Chevy Nova with a very well hidden switch under the dash. He would flip the switch and the brake lights off, then go in front of someone and hit the brakes."
"Won several claims from insurance companies."
"The second one was flying into small international airports carrying normal checked bags. Flew in from Canada every time, small puddle jumpers."
"Turns out what he was actually doing was smuggling immense amounts of cocaine. He refused to say a word to cops or in his own trial. Just pled out, and went to jail. My dad gets a single check to pay for his service of sitting and doing the plea deal. About half of his normal yearly earnings."
"Turns out the guy was snmuggling for Pablo Escobar, and would have been killed if he talked."
Truly Abhorrent Behavior
"A few years back my elderly neighbors home robbed. Her husband had just passed away and the obituary was in the paper with showing times and time the burial ceremony was to start. These low life's looked up her husband's address in the phone book and knew exactly what time their house would be un occupied. They took absolutely everything of value from this lady on the day she was putting her husband in the ground. And they never caught them."
Crime doesn't pay.
Until it does.
When you have the cleverness, and ingenuity, as some of these people? Then maybe crime might pay a bit.
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We've all said something stupid, let's not lie to ourselves.
It's okay to say something stupid. It showcases the real person on the inside, that we're all flawed, imperfect, and made of cooky combinations of words that don't necessarily line up to make sense. Sometimes we're nervous in a situation, other times we're just hitting 'Quick Reply' in our brains and what comes out doens't work, but whatever the reason, you for sure are going to remember it, late at night, for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/marginalpotato, wanted to know when the foot should have been in the mouth when they asked:
What is the stupidest thing that ever came out of your mouth?
You may not have to change your home address because of these moments, but you should probably reconsider how many public outings you go to afterwards.
Should Probably Never Shop At That Store Again
"When the cashier said "Have a nice day", and I replied with "No, thanks".
"Background: I wasnt thinking straight that day, and thought they said "Do you want a bag"
That's. How. Twins. Work?
"Her: the twins are 3 years old"
"Me: Both of them?"
"Oh no this unearthed a memory i had buried from kindergarten lmao"
"We had a set of twins in our classroom and once on their birthday party I said "your brother got such a cool party, i hope yours is nice like this too" to one of them and he was like "yeah, this one"
"4 year old me was not a very bright kid"
That's. How. Death. Works...
"Watching the documentary 'The Last Dance' when a Kobe interview pops up -"
"Me: "Wow, they must have filmed this before Kobe died."
"My wife: "Yeah, obviously…."
The cringe comes out of nowhere, and you're not even sure how you were able to ask something so incredibly stupid, but here you are. Lounging in the stupid air.
You Should Have Asked What "Nothing" Tastes Like Next
"In my head I was wondering what one pound of water would look like in terms of volume. What I said out loud however was "How much does a pound of water weigh?"
Keep Up With Me
"A couple of months ago, I got up and drove to work as usual. Later, my girlfriend texted me from home to ask me if she had left her sunglasses in my car. I told her I wasn't sure, but she could grab my spare key and go check."
"In my car."
"Which I had driven to work."
Black Is White, White Is Black
"I don't understand why people place bets on who wins, why not just place bets on who loses?"
"Yeah took me a minute to register what I said..."
And then there's these stories, where the person is probably better off cutting off any human contact henceforth going forward. These are rough to get through, folks.
Should Probably Have A Chat With HR After This
"I was about 4 months into my current job, feeling confident being fresh off the contract-to-hire period, now moved into a coveted full time role. While walking back to my office from the morning kanban I was stopped by my boss, head peeking out of the office:"
"Boss: "Hey TheMediator, do you have a sec?"
"Me: "For you, I've got lots of secs!"
"Boss: wide-eyes, mouth dropped"
"If you're curious why this was incredibly stupid/embarrassing, try saying the phrase "lots of secs" out loud. Preferably, not to your boss though."
You Don't Need College Anymore. Go Home. Bury Your Head In The Sand.
"In my freshman year of college I was dorming next door to a couple cute girls. About a week into the first semester one girl walked from the coed showers to her dorm room in her towel still wet. We were both unlocking our doors to get in our rooms when she looks at me and says…"
"I know I look stunning…(sarcastically)"
"To which I replied, "don't flatter yourself."
"I had to slid a note under her door explaining I was tongue tied as she was beautiful and I meant to say "don't be hard on yourself, you look great." (Or something to that nature). We became good friends."
It's In The Descriptor?
"Chatting to a homeless guy on the street and he told me he was feeling unwell. I told him he should be at home, resting."
"It's been 20 years and the memory of it still brings me out in a cold sweat."
Oh Good Lord...
"Asked my friend how his mom was doing at his moms funeral."
"Jesus Christ this is the worst one on this thread. What was his response?"
"He looked at me and then the casket and kind of smirked. I awkwardly started to try and explain and just said "I'm an idiot. You know I love you. Talk to you in a bit." He makes fun of me now and I can't stop laughing. It's a positive painful memory."
Own up to your mistakes. You'll garner more respect by acknowledging the awkward things you say, however, it's perfectly fine to laugh about it in the moment. That's probably the easiest way to escape the deep, deep shame.
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