People Share The Biggest Red Flag They Overlooked In A Significant Other Because They Were Hot AF
Listen to me babies... listen closely. Hot is just not worth dating if they're not also an amazing partner for you. Beauty fades, but you're going to have to deal with their personality for forever. So yes, Johnny with the 9-pack abs and buns of steel and biceps the size of your head might be gorgeous, but if he also believes that education is a tool the devil uses to pull people away from their walk with God... weeeeeeell ... yeah. Take it from me, honey, it's not going to work. Hot Johnny may pretty quickly go from just disagreeing with your educational choices to hiding your car keys from you so you can't go to class and insisting you watch televangelists with him and eat grilled cheese instead. And yes, Hot Johnny will know that school is important to you and that you're lactose intolerant, but being lactose intolerant is a lie from the devil, too.
Spoiler Alert: As far as Hot Johnny is concerned, I picked Satan over him. He's still hot, but has now started going by Johnweh and is a full-blown conspiracy theorist. I mean, great abs don't outweigh my desire for education, my need to avoid severe gastrointestinal distress, or my conviction that the world is round.
Just sayin'
One Reddit user asked:
What's the biggest red flag you overlooked because your significant other was so hot?
And now I feel better. Apparently tons of us have our own Hot Johnny stories. Here are some of my favorites, edited for language where needed. If you learn anything from these cautionary tales, it should be that if friends or family warn you - maybe you should listen.
"Sacrifice"
"Sacrifice is something other people do for me"
Apparently I was dating a Disney villain and didn't notice.
At Least She Was Honest
I watched her be abusive and manipulative towards the guy she was dating when I met her and we were still just friends. For some reason I thought it wouldn't be like that with me. It was.
She also told me herself, when we first started dating, that she was really f*cked up and that most people who dated her ended up hating her. I didn't believe it. She turned out to be really f*cked up, and I ended up hating her.
Dad Warned Me
Her father told me days before we got married that she was a severe narcissist and incapable of loving anyone but herself. Thinking back, all I had were red flags, no green flags really at all.
I should of turned in the parking lot of that Cracker Barrel, got in my vehicle and drove away. But I didn't, and I've basically been miserable since.
Neon Warning Sign
I ignored the biggest flashing neon sign warning about my ex that came from a friend of his. She told me:
"He is going to be very hard to love because he is always looking for a fight and thinks he has something to prove. I'm not trying to tell you what to do but I'm just warning you about it. If you think you're up to the task then go for it but I just wanted to let you know."
I wish I would have heeded her warning.
Being Negative
As we got to know each other she'd tell me about a lot of the sh*tty people she'd had in her life, who'd treated her poorly or caused drama for no reason. Over time it became more and more obvious that her idea of "toxic drama-starter" translated to "anyone who tells her the truth about her own terrible behavior."
I watched her treat a waitress like trash for something the waitress couldn't control, and when I called her out on it she said she couldn't believe I'd attack her like that, and I should support her 100% no matter what she did. In her own mind, every action she took was justified, and anyone who said differently was "being negative", and she "didn't need that in her life."
- shaidyn
Greek God
"I'm mentally unstable, emotionally manipulative, and will probably hurt you."
Oh, but he was physically a Greek god.
Zoolander
He was dumber than a rock. I swear to Christ he was the walking inspiration for Derek Zoolander. Walking and screwing were about the only things he could do without breaking something or causing something to go wrong. He:
-Attempted to wash (my) dishes with laundry soap
-Was apparently unfamiliar with two-knob showers and couldn't figure out how to make a hot shower happen at my place, until he asked
-Could not, to save his life, remember where I lived or what apartment I was in, even after coming over five times
-Thought the US president had the same unilateral powers and reign as a monarch
-Confused the 4th of July with Presidents Day, assumed his work schedule was incorrect for scheduling him on Presidents Day as they must be closed, and simply did not go in
-Consistently told me our star signs were "plutonic" together (still unsure what he meant)
-Upon learning that shelter dogs were always fixed, asked me why there were so many puppies then
I made it through three weeks. If I'd have stayed with him I'd have had to develop a heroic drinking problem just to cope. Good lord was he hot though, I seriously didn't want to admit he was also profoundly dumb.
Red Flag About Myself
Everyone warned me he was (and is) noncommittal.
Proceeded to date him with the idea of:
"But what about ME?! Who wouldn't want to commit to ME?!"
Also a red flag about myself. Heyo! We all have red flags to someone!
- ridicks
Catch And Release
He played the classic catch and release game with me.
Any pleasant, romantic, sweet, loving, gratuitous thing I did, he would would treat me like sh*t.
When I would show zero interest in him for being such a dick head he would treat me like royalty. He'd pull out every stop, every trick in the book to romance me and make me forget about it.
When I would be sweet again it turned him off. The more I ignored him and rejected him for being a total as$h*le, the more he wanted me. It was this weird game.
After a while I grew tired. I didn't want to play anymore.
Playstation
He got into a car wreck because he installed a PlayStation in his car and he and his friend were playing it while he was driving.
- Rustmutt
"Wait For Me!"
She followed me everywhere. I mean everywhere. If I was in the living room and was walking outside to my car to grab something, she followed with a "wait for me!" and would get really really angry if I didn't wait for her to walk 20 ft. out the door with me.
I could never do anything by myself, and it was especially uncomfortable in groups when people would notice and question it. She ended up being really controlling (no sh!t) and abusive.
Mayo
I asked my girlfriend what my biggest red flag was and without even pausing, she said "Mayonnaise."
I like it, she hates it, we don't understand each other, and we've been together over two years.
Like An Animal
Probably the biggest red flag was when his father, before we started living together, said to me: "Be careful, he is like an animal."
He didn't know how to clean after himself, played games for whole days. Normally, I don't mind games, but he neglected his responsibilities, college and hobbies. I tried to help him, but he wouldn't let me in, unless he was drunk. It was really a tiring time for me.
At Least She Warned Him
Two months into our relationship she told me every relationship she had been in had ended within 3 months as she had cheated on everyone she had ever dated, and she was worried as she really liked me and didn't want to do that to me. She then said if we ever broke up she'd have to move as she wouldn't be able to stay in the same city.
I didn't pay much attention as:
a) She was really hot
b) I thought our relationship would be different.
Exactly a year later she cheated on me, and subsequently moved to a new country.
That Goth Cleavage
Girl I dated briefly in my late teens informed me during our first conversation that she was a practicing Witch. Which is fine I don't mean to poop on anyone's spiritual beliefs. But It came up very frequently when we would talk and it escalated into some truly banana-pants crazy shit.
Which I was 100% fine ignoring because she was a smokin' hot Goth girl with amazing cleavage and I was a horny teenager.
Living With His "Collection"
Hoarder.... hoarder, did I say Hoarder? We've never been able to live together, I keep my place (and sanity) and he lives with his "collection "
We've been together for 25 years, so I guess we need to go shopping for a place big enough for "everything"... like maybe an abandoned football stadium......or airplane hangar....
He Looks So Hot When...
He believes in conspiracy theories like Bigfoot and strange stuff in the sky. Who am I to judge? He looks so hot when he watches his weird shows.
Defensive Demonstrations
My ex would ask me "How would you react if you were attacked?" and demanded demonstrations of my defense tactics. He also 'collected' knives, after moving in together he started getting violent and I realized how dangerous the situation was. We were together for two years.
Double Life
Never in the year we dated did she introduce me to any of her friends. Found out she had like a total double life going on.
We're still friends though and she admitted she's afraid to open up and have both lives collide.
Still might try to date her again lol.
Memes
Dated a girl a couple years ago who had the personality of a brick wall with the Pepe meme graffitied on it. All she could do was speak about the memes she saw on Instagram or about the makeup tutorial she had just watched. Ask her about her life? Responds with a meme, about school? Meme. Literally anything to her could be related to memes and it drove me nuts.
We did not last long .
H/T: Reddit
When looking at a resume, it's easy to understand how prospective employers will assume someone is very intelligent based on their education and past experience.
But one shouldn't only assume someone's intelligence based on what they read.
More often than not, one can tell rather quickly that someone possesses above-average intelligence, based on how they speak, how they behave, or other telling details.
Redditor PadWanKenobi was curious to hear what people felt were the tell tale signs they were in the company of a possible genius, leading them to ask:
"What’s a sign of extremely high intelligence?"
Instant adapability
"Ability to intuitively and quickly understand complex systems and how lots of parts relate in a coherent whole."
"Like I work with some people who just keep tons of concepts in their head and easily integrate new information into their understanding of those concepts."
"They immediately know what questions they should be asking to better understand."
"And these are things they're currently working on, not like things they spent time studying in school over years."
"They just have a very strong ability to synthesize new information into their understanding."
"I sit in meetings distracted and confused having forgotten what we talked about in the previous meetings, and these folks just consistently have a solid handle on everything."- Ok-Control-787
Innate Problem Solvers
"They know when not to solve a problem."
"This took me a while to understand but the smartest people I know do this."
"It could be a really simple thing like ignoring emails from people asking for help."
"The supervisor or boss might have a quick and easy solution for the situation but instead of just handing it to the person that asked they let them figure it out on their own."
"They know who they can do this with and when to do it."
"If they did that with all of their underlings it would just create a mess."
"Another example that I can think of is planned chaos."
"Some people can predict exactly where things will go wrong and they could fix it before it creates a problem."
"They don't because nobody ever notices what's going on in the background when things are working perfectly."
"Once things fails then everybody notices and if you are the one person that fixed it you become the hero."
"They can also use then chaos to reach a goal they couldn't get before if things were working correctly."
"There's many examples of this in every day life that I didn't see before until I realized what was happening."- atapes
GiphyYou know what they say about people with small hands
"If your hand is smaller than your face."- FallofTheKnight
The all knowing glow.
"When someone asks you a question and you push your glasses up while light comes out of it and covers your eyes for some reason."- JonEregor
Those giveaway behavioral quirks
"Wearing glasses and saying things like 'ah yes', and 'I see' while you pensively rub your chin."- iuytrefdgh436yujhe2
Thinking Reaction GIF by ABC TV + IVIEWGiphyEncouraging others
"When they explain something they make the people around them feel smarter, not dumber."- redkat85
Being one step ahead.
"The capacity to understand complex things, see patterns where regular people don't."- Ostepop234
"They have this tendency to make you go 'Ohhh, why didn't I think of that?' when listening to them talk."- did_it_forthelulz
Why Didnt I Think Of That Cillian Murphy GIFGiphyAn endless love of learning
"A passion for knowledge and expanding understanding of complex concepts."
"The plumber can be just as insightful as the scholar."- KatatoniK94
Of course, one shouldn't always be fooled by what they see.
As many people are masters at appearing much smarter than they are.
In fact, one important sign of super intelligence is being able to separate those who appear smart, from those who actually are.
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
Just don't!
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
People Share Their Best 'You Either Die The Hero Or Live Long Enough To Become The Villain' Experiences
"You either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain."
Though not necessarily a universal truth, all of us have witnessed unfortunate moments in our lives where we've seen this saying become a reality.
Be it seeing our favorite public figures take a serious fall from grace, someone we know and admire eventually disappointing us in a devastating manner, or even seeing ourselves turn into someone we promised we'd never become.
One Redditor was curious to hear people's examples of this saying coming to light, either from a personal experience or seeing it happen to a well-known, public figure, leading them to ask:
"Who is your example of 'you either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain'?"
Jim Jones
"Jim Jones."
"He originally stood up for civil rights when it was really unpopular."
"Was hospitalized and accidentally placed in the black ward."
"When the doctors found out, they tried to move him, but he refused."
"Then he became a cult leader and used his power and influence to end the lives of a thousand people."- Crvsby
Earning a position of power
"Working in restaurant kitchens."
"You either burn out young, or become the boss that everyone hates."
"There's exceptions, but that's the rule."- grandpas_old_crow
Henry Heimlich
"Henry Heimlich, inventor of the Heimlich Maneuver."
"Made up a bunch of untested uses for it, treating people having asthma attacks, and drowning victims were the two I remember that he publicly talked up."
"Later, he funded an experiment that involved injecting people with Malaria to see if it would treat other conditions.
"The experiment was found to be unethical by American review boards, so he conducted them in Ethiopia." - User Deleted
Philippe Petain
"Philippe Petain."
"In WW1 he led the French to victory at Verdun, one of the worst battles in human history."
"In WW2, after France was beaten, Petain was the head of state of Vichy France."
"Guy went from the Lion of Verdun to the biggest Nazi collaborator in France."- arthuranymoredonuts
Our bodies
"Every organ until it gets cancer."- SuperBaconjam
Conor McGregor
"Conor McGregor."
"He had the whole country behind him here in Ireland at one point bar people who thought combat sport is grotesque."
"He was witty, original, backing himself up and having a Hollywood like rise to stardom."
"Now he's someone who the whole country is ashamed of, goes punching old men, clearly sleeps around on his wife while she's at home with the kids, just a walking caricature of himself."
"He didn't listen to his own advice."
"Get in."
"Get rich."
"Get out."- StephenPigot2020
Turning into our parents
"My dad used to annoy me by calling my Pokemon cards 'Pokey-Mans'."
"Now my kids have them and I do the same thing and it annoys the sh*t out of them."
"Thanks for the (Pokeyman) gold!"- rumpel4skinOU
Benedict Arnold
"Benedict Arnold."
"Almost died during the revolutionary way, if I recall correctly, and if he had he would have been remembered a huge hero, and a martyr."
"Instead he lived and changed sides, and is remembered only for his being a traitor."- uniqueperson22
Be it someone we knew quite intimately, or someone we admired from a far, it is always heartbreaking to see someone evolve from someone we love, to someone we utterly hate.
Sometimes we do things that have to be done.
And some of those things live in life's gray area of right and wrong.
What comes as a surprise to some is when we don't care if we're wrong.
We may still technically be in the right.
But morally and ethically, there may be some issues.
But still, many people don't care.
Redditor BirdyPizzawanted to see who would fess up about some of the worst things we're responsible for but have no shame.
"What is the darkest thing you have ever done and don’t regret?"
I've stolen from department stores that overcharged. I was arrested. I didn't care. So there...
The Grief
"Five years ago my dad suffered a catastrophic stroke. Left paralyzed and robbed of his speech and ability to communicate he was a shell of the once vibrant, charismatic man he once was. He was moved into skilled nursing where he lived for nearly two years, he was miserable."
"On my last visit I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave us, that we would miss him but he should go. A week later I received the call that he had passed. Instead of immediate grief I felt relief. Relief that he was finally free. The grief came later and I still miss him every single day."
theroadtoeverywhere
Things Missing
"Got into a car accident and had to stay with my mom for a couple days to figure out what to do. Went back to my apartment (I had two roommates) and everything was missing from my room. Long story short one of my roommates had everything hidden in her room."
"I called and told her the things were missing from my room and she came up with a lie that a couple girls came to look at my room (I was moving out bc of the accident, long story) and that they must have taken my things. She had everything I owned. Including my grandmothers perfume bottles, stuffed to the back of her closet, under her bed, behind her dresser etc."
"So I packed all of my stuff up. Then took a giant black garbage bag and stuffed as much of her closet in it as I could. Took it to the middle of nowhere, dug a hole and burnt it. She called screaming at me that her stuff was missing. I told her the two girls must have come by and taken her stuff too."
udntsay
Violence
"I hit my uncle left right and center when he was trying to choke my father to death. I was 16 years old at that time, a very skinny girl. I beat his face neck and every part of him that I could target with so much intensity that my knuckles turned blue the next day. I had an animalistic rage that day trying to help my father get away from his death grip. I hate my uncle even today."
"I got anger issues because of growing up around him. And I don't regret beating him that day at all. He was physically abusive to his wife as well. One fine day, his wife retaliated by beating him blue with a stick. And he stopped being physically violent towards her post that."
avadakebakra
Danger
"A neighbor like 10 years ago was neglecting their dog badly in the heat. The dog escaped often and ended up at the shelter a lot. One day she jumped the fence and got her tie-out cable stuck on the fence. (She was not in danger of choking.) Neighbor put her on a 3-foot-long cable tied to a doorknob, no water, 90 degree day. I let some kind folks steal her, watched the whole thing and said nothing to stop them."
Oh-Oh-Ophelia
Goodbye
"When my father was dying and in pain I was the one who told the doctors he had been through enough and we couldn't see him suffer anymore. Doctor injected him with something, I assume a morphine mega dose and he passed peacefully moments after. Euthanasia may not be legal in UK but compassionate doctors know what's what. I don't regret it because my pa made me promise I would have his back when he got sick or old. I'm sad he got sick and never got to get old."
Express_Evidence_23
That is a lot of mess. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
Toxic
"One of my ex best friends in high school was a real narcissistic lunatic. Had so many egotistical fantasies about what he deserved but I remained his friend because we met through my close friend (his girlfriend). As I started realizing what a terrible person he was I convinced him to go after his fantasy of a harem by asking to add a 3rd to their relationship, that led to a fight between his gf."
"I called her about it and asked how she felt about him adding someone to their relationship and about him sleeping with her. She said she knew nothing about that and started crying because he cheated on her. I basically helped orchestrate their breakup and have no regrets. She is happy with her first child now and he is in a toxic af relationship with 3 kids, 2 of which aren't his and his partner is 8 years older than him."
skijeng
My Buddy
"Had to make the choice to take my dad off of life support after he got Covid this year. He was sedated for a couple of weeks and one of his lungs collapsed and I couldn't watch him fall apart anymore. My dad was a bulky dude. Constantly did a lot of outdoor work and to see him bone skinny and have no muscle left killed me and I knew even if he somehow got through it, he would have been so miserable and depressed in that state he was in. I don’t regret it. I think it was the right thing to do by him. I’ll never not miss him though. That was my buddy."
CarterS20884
The Ruin
"Turned a close friend into the fish and game. He would poach mountain lions and bears. His whole family would literally shoot them and leave them. He would brag about it. I couldn’t stand it and felt that I needed to stop him. He’s in prison and so is his uncle. I know I ruined his life but he was literally killing so many mountain lions and bears."
Donkey-Puncherr
School Daze
"In middle school, there was this group of boys that would corner me in the hallway and try to scare me. I was the perfect target for these little b**tards. I was short, skinny, and had (and still have) and anxiety disorder. One day I just had enough, and asked a friend if I could have an extra pencil, sharpened it as much as I could, and when I saw one of them in the hallway, I stabbed the hell out of his leg. Sh**head got what he deserved."
leserolith3
Wow... we really are a dark and secretive people.