Love is hard. It's even harder when life stacks the deck against you. One woman was so frustrated by her situation that she turned to Reddit for help. Her back story involves a partner with depression and questionable hygiene, an extended period of separation because of work, Pokemon Go and some dead mice in the kitchen. Yeah, it kinda took a turn for the unexpected there at the end.
The 31 year-old woman posted that she was concerned for her 34 year-old boyfriend. He had always struggled with insecurities and depression, but things really fell apart when she had to move away for six months for work. They kept in constant communication and saw each other once a month, but as time went on things started to get worse. He stopped showering, his hair was so filthy that it had actual chunks falling out of it. His visits devolved into her forcing him to take care of himself. When she was able to move back into their home, it was a wreck. He let things get so bad that she found several dead mice in the kitchen and it took her an entire month to clean and restore their home.
That's not to say that he didn't do anything while she was gone. He poured himself heart and soul into Pokemon Go. His obsession got him in trouble at work because he was playing and coordinating raids when he should have been working. He stopped coming to bed so he could play. It got to the point where a simple trip to the grocery store involved several stops or detours so he could play. He started skipping work to play. When they had days off together he would plan Pokemon raids rather than spend time with her or help with chores. Long story short, Pokemon Go became his entire world and she was understandably worried.
Here's her original post
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My SO is currently dealing with some depression issues, but his Pokemon Go choices are starting to make me wonder how much of his life is in turmoil because of depression and how much is because he just doesn't care.
I've known my SO for 8 years, dating for 3.5 (knew each other through previous relationships, same friend group). Before we dated, I always thought he was a cool guy who was good at everything. And it's true, he IS handsome and has great style and he IS smart and good at many things. But the person we all thought he was is actually a front for an insecure, scared human being. He projects being "good" at things because he was raised that way—son of immigrant parents who are VERY hard on him personally and culturally—and he feels like he needs to be the best, all the time.
I noticed early on that he gets overwhelmed easily. He pretends to know things then researches the crap out of them to get by doing whatever he's doing. He survives purely on intuition and fake confidence, but he crumbles in secret. He gets sick ALL the time from lack of sleep and stress. He started therapy at my request to help him learn coping mechanisms and because I suspected he was struggling with depression.
Anyway, things fell apart this summer for him when I left for a 6-month academic stint back east (2,000 miles apart). We saw each other once a month and it was good each time, but the last time he visited, his hair was so dirty from not showering that it had actual chunks of dry shampoo falling out of it...I made him shower as soon as he got to my apartment. I came home from my 6-month program and our home was in shambles. I smelled something dead and there were THREE dead mice in the kitchen! It was disgusting. Everything was dirty. I spent the entire month of November cleaning, reorganizing the house, and generally trying to pull him back together. He made an appointment this week to get medication for his depression at the recommendation of his therapist.
Now, this all sounds like standard depression stuff, right? Okay, but imagine in the background of all of this, he somehow reached level 40 in Pokemon Go and spends ALL his time playing it. I mean, he gets the bare minimum done to survive in life and work his good full-time job, but he got in trouble at his job for having Pokemon on his iPad and being distracted by it. When he's not doing Pokemon, he's on discord trying to get people together to do raids and shit. While I'm sleeping, he puts together Pokemon 'teams' to raid and stuff, trying to get the best combos. We can't go to the grocery store without him making me stop for at least 2 gyms or raid battles. I have an account, which I made in June as a way of staying connected while I was away at school, and he obsesses over leveling up my character (which I got to level 30 by myself, by the way, it's not like I need help). On the weekends, we don't plan things, he just looks for raids and does them instead of doing chores or running errands.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy Pokemon Go. I think community days are fun and I like walking around, but this is like, next-level shit. Why is he so able to succeed in the Pokemon game but real life is a HUGE struggle for him? He calls out of work at least 4 times a month because he's "sick," the house is disgusting if I'm not here, and he gained 10 lbs from only eating take out while I was away and not working out because "he's sick"... but he can literally spend the entire day playing Pokemon? I do not understand. If he put 10% of the effort into his life that he puts into that game, his shit would be together! He's planning on going back to school next year for a career change and I'm truly worried that he's going to sit on campus playing Pokemon instead of doing the schoolwork, then he'll get stressed out about his procrastination and then he'll break down. It's a cycle and I don't know what to do to help him.
At this point, we've talked about his Pokemon obsession but he's extremely fragile right now and everything I say feels like criticism. I'm trying hard to be gentle with him since I essentially flipped out over the dirty house full of dead mice and made him feel horrible about himself. I just wish life was like Pokemon and he would spend time doing tasks and getting rewarded the same as the game.
Yeah ... that's a lot to take in. Reddit kind of collectively took a deep breath and reached out to help, though. Here are some of the more popular responses.
Gamify Real Life
PoGo is, at this point, a realm in which he doesn't have to pretend. He doesn't feel he has to fake anything, because he is good at it and the game doesn't really require any skill. Anyone who just keeps grinding can get to level 40.
I just wish life was like Pokemon and he would spend time doing tasks and getting rewarded the same as the game.
I mean, if you both think that could help there's no reason why you can't set up some kind of reward system. He might also like HabitRPG or any of the other apps that gamify getting your adult sh*t done.
Luckily...
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What he is doing is super super common with depression. He is obsessing over something outside of his "miserable life" reality and that he is good at. Luckily he isn't gambling or overspending, etc. This is something he should talk to his therapist about because it is interfering with his ability to perform in real life.
Hideaway
Oh. This is easy. Pokemon Go is his hideaway. It's his safe place to feel like a success. He knows it all, the variables in it are limited, he can figure it all out.
The whole world overwhelms him, so he lives in Pokemon Go. It gives him a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
You need to talk to him.
Reading through the comments and responses we learn a few new things. Evidently boyfriend had made an attempt on his own life several years ago, just after high school. He was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and prescribed medication. His mother refused to believe the diagnosis, particularly because she considered it shameful in her culture. Mom convinced him that the doctor was just trying to sell him pills so he could make a profit. He spent his twenties getting no mental health treatment.
The original poster took some time to consider people's advice and put some stuff into practice. After about two weeks, we got an update.
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After posting here, I took some of the comments about depression and talked to my SO about how he feels and what I can do to be a better support system for him. He's still continuing therapy and his medication is slightly helping (although it'll take a few more weeks to really kick in) but he registered for his prereq classes without me saying anything or reminding him and he has been trying to help with cleaning when he can. So there has been some overall improvement.
We also talked about Pokemon Go, how he's using it as a coping mechanism and how that's okay (I cannot stress enough how I want him to still feel okay playing), but also how we can't just drop everything all the time for it. We just got back from a small holiday trip and the entire time, he kept the Pokemon Go under control and played when we wanted but not when we were doing dinner, taking parents places, and such. He showed a lot of restraint and a lot of respect for the stuff we talked about.
I have also done a few raids with him and his people from discord, and I'm really glad he has this group of random Pokemon people that he knows by their Pokemon nicknames and stuff. It's actually very sweet, and not forced socialization or awkward adult-friend-making...they just go do raids, trade pokemon and know each other from these small moments. It's good for him, especially as his social circle has shrunk over the past few years. It's all so low key and low pressure that I really do think it's healthy for him to do these raids and talk to people about his hobby.
I'm also trying to be receptive that his way of "giving" to me right now is by helping me with the game. He really likes to play PoGo with me and gets excited when I get a shiny or catch a legendary in a raid. I have to realize that while the depression stops him from acting like he cares about stuff like cleaning or eating, this is a small glimpse into what he can be like once he gets better again (and also, a glimpse of his old self).
I wanted to thank everyone who shared their stories of depression and opened my eyes to the fact that there is so much more to being depressed than just being unmotivated/sad/empty. I had no idea that his motivation in the game was part of the depression and part of coping with life. Thanks for all the stories, seriously, they meant so much.
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
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"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
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"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
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Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
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A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
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A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
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Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.