People Reveal The Moment The Realized Their Relatives Were Living A Double Life
How would you react? What would you do? Would you stay married or would you make the hard choice to say goodbye?
u/Berns_whenIP wanted some stories from Reddit:
People who discovered their partner was living a double life or keeping a significant magnitude secret, in retrospect what signs did you perhaps miss or what events now make more sense?
Here were some of the answers.
The fact that these insane arguments would spark from nothing and he would end up stripping naked randomly and/or punching things.
Drugs. I was that oblivious.
He pretended to have combat-induced PTSD, that he used as an excuse for his behavior. Turned out he was never in combat, but he talked about it every day, all the time to everyone.
It's usually just when the lies don't add up, dates and names change and there are obvious things that you choose to ignore (he told me he talked to his dad about it all the time, but when I went to meet his parents he said that they don't know anything about it so don't bring it up).
Ya Got Caught
I was seeing this girl. We met at work, and hit it off pretty quickly. Things were pretty normal. We'd go out, come back to my place, do our thing and then sometimes she'd stay or other times she'd head home. This went on for about a year.
So when things started to get weird was when we went out to a bar, both got sh-tfaced, and I said well your place is like a few miles down the road, let's just crash there. She was adamant about getting a cab back to my place. Seemed a little weird but whatever, yay drunk sex. So this happened a few more times, she'd always have excuses, her place was a mess. She was painting. Etc. At this point it's not adding up.
So one night I decide to surprise her at home, figuring she would be happy to split a pizza and a 6 pack. She's not home. But her fiancée is. Turns out he's a pretty cool guy, has suspected something is going on with her, says she's been staying late at work a lot lately, including tonight. No she isn't.
So we decide to split the pizza, watch the baseball game and wait for her. I will never forget the look of oh I'm screwed on her face when she strolled through the door and saw her fiancée and her boyfriend sitting on the couch eating pizza and drinking beer.
Things Keep Spiraling
My dude had to go home and help with his ailing stepdad on the weekends. Initially, I was apprehensive because they had a rocky past, but was convinced because family is family, right? So it must be true.
He'd leave the city Fri afternoon, return Monday night - it was a three hour drive out to the middle of the nowhere and was almost a decade ago when cell service wasn't that great, and I worked overnights at a hospital; it worked out.
This went on for a year and a half before I broke up with him. You see, things weren't adding up, I wasn't allowed to talk to his Mom or sis anymore, we were growing distant, he'd get very agitated with me. Also, I was never invited to go with him, I mean I could have asked for time off ... Therefore, I hired a PI.
Turned out he'd hop a ferry to Canada and visit some other woman ... I wound up contacting the other woman after I kicked him out. She and I exchanged some info, filling in a lot of the missing pieces for both of us; she was pissed she was bamboozled and broke up with him too.
Through some friends, I received news a year later that his stepfather died, but this guy never visited and had actually become estranged from the family, and they didn't know where he even was. About a year later he contacted me and told me he had lung cancer and wanted to be my friend again. This wasn't reciprocated, partially because his lung cancer info never added up (I'm in the medical field, you can't fool me man), but mostly because I didn't trust him, so why bother? I told him to pound sand. This escalated his illness AND said he had now suffered a concussion due to a bicycle accident. Keep in mind this was all via text and a few phone calls, we did not live around one another. When I still would not spend time with him (he wanted to watch Netflix over Skype or play video games), he said a former lover proposed marriage and he was leaving the country to be with/marry her. It's been over a year since I've heard from him, but fully expect something in a few months because he does this cyclical pattern when he contacts me.
A Little Black Book
Not my partner, but my boss (married mother of two) was always taking long lunches, forgetting things, dressing particularly nicely for normal days, seeming a little tipsy after lunch. Once, a friend mentioned the neighborhood she'd moved into appeared to have a big swingers vibe, and my boss laughed out loud but went back to her work, saying nothing.
We'd make jokes she was having an affair but I don't think anyone believed it. She was a proper southern lady, dedicated to her family, or so we thought.
After she passed away (RIP) they found a highly detailed sex log that specified huge numbers of guys and a liaison almost every day except the week she and her family took their annual vacation.
I caught my boss cheating on his wife. We ran a really small screen printing operation and it all started with these "business trips". The first few times it was just a week or two, then over the span of a year the trips would become longer and longer and more frequent. I ran the business when he left. He wouldn't answer customer calls while he was there and never brought back any new clients, so I started to get suspicious.
One day he slipped up and sent an email to our work inbox that i used daily to correspond with customers. It was a receipt for a flight to new York for him and another woman... On his wedding anniversary... He never even called his wife that day. Now at this point I was not interested in outing him or meddling but I was the only one that talked to him daily. I loved his wife and when she came to me asking if I heard from him because he didn't call her on their 23rd wedding anniversary and didn't know where he was, i may have mentioned that he was in New York and maybe that was why he didn't call. She asked how I knew that and I told her there was an email in our work inbox.
I absolutely do feel guilty about being the one to lead her to finding out the truth but it ended up being what he wanted anyway. He didn't have the balls to tell her what was going on and wanted to get caught. They split and he now lives with the other woman. His ex wife is happier than she has ever been considering the wake of bullsh-t he left her to deal with.
A New World
Not me, but my ex girlfriend in highschool. Her father was a businessman who would travel back to their home country a lot for work. Apparently around the start of highschool he'd started travelling back home for work a lot more for longer durations.
Around the time we were in senior year, it came out that he had a secret family back home (wife and two kids, oldest one was maybe 3 or 4 which sparked the move I think) and he was planning to move back their home country to live with them instead.
I remember it all because she called me the night this all happened, about two years after we broke up (still friends) and she was pretty devastated.
They noticed the following suspicious things:
- His trips were less well-planned, and seemed spur of the moment
- Despite travelling for much longer he was still packing light
- He would call back home a lot less when he was travelling
I found the hidden heroin habit when I found him not breathing in the bathroom and the paramedics that came asked me if he's taken anything... I didn't know heroin enemas existed.
Paramedics unable to revive him and every year I think about what could have been...
I was with a guy for about 6 months who would get really awkward when this one friend of his would call. He'd clench up when I'd ask about her and we'd always end up in a fight. Obviously, he turned it around and said I was insecure and jealous. He broke up with me pretty abruptly and didn't give me much of a reason. Turns out I was the mistress and she was the girlfriend. They're getting married this year.
So my dad's best friend lives in a city a few states over and they call each other pretty regularly (they've been friends since the 80s). One day his friend calls him kinda annoyed and says he saw a guy that looked just like him the other day in the city, and if my dad was visiting, why not come over and say hi? My dad says no, I was never in that city, I'm sat at home right now in Nowhere (my glorious hometown). His friend says huh, well this guy looked just like you, he could have been your brother.
Fast forward a few years and my dad is chatting with his dad (my grandpa) who is a WW2 vet and generally a pretty "keeps to himself" kinda guy. They were talking about how growing up, they didn't have two beans to rub together and my dad was always admiring his friends' fancy houses when he went there after school. As an adult he realised something literally didn't add up because my grandpa had a very well paid job as an executive and made a decent salary. So out of the blue his dad sits him down and says son, there's something you should know. The reason we were so poor when you were growing up was because before the war, I married in a bit of a rush to a lady in the city because she was expecting, and we had 3 kids, and when I got back from the war things didn't work out and we got a divorce. In those days a divorce was pretty unusual and seen as shameful, so it was a totally clean break, and he had no contact with the family ever again except for paying regular child support for each of his three kids. Meanwhile he met my grandma and had 3 kids with her, and hence, the lack of beans. Suddenly my dad realises that this doesn't just explain why they were so poor, it also explains the weird phone call from his friend. The guy his friend saw probably was his actual brother. My grandpa kept quiet about this for almost 40 years, not a word to anyone.
I dated a guy in University who told me pretty much right away that he had terminal cancer and had about a year to live. I really liked him so I decided that I would stay with him and support him through it. He never wanted to talk about it and when I'd try to check in with him he'd go quiet and change the subject. He told me that I was the only person who knew about it and that I wasn't allowed to talk about it with anyone else. Well we ended up dating for three years, and I never once witnessed a doctor's appointment or any type of symptom (and I was still the only person who apparently "knew"). He became incredibly emotionally manipulative and abusive, tried to isolate me from friends and family, and eventually became physically abusive. Of course, whenever I would try to leave he'd use his "condition" to play on my emotions (and naivete) to get me to stay. He'd also physically block the door, pin me down, and do whatever he could to prevent me from physically leaving.
I'll never forget the day I told him that he was such a good person with a good heart (something to do with how he was handling an issue with his alcoholic mother), and he mumbled "No, I'm really not". I thought then that he was being humble, but looking back on it, it was probably guilt.
I've built a happy and successful life for myself now and have a wonderfully loving and supportive partner, but it still makes me full body cringe to think of how I spent so much time with what I consider to be pure evil.
My wife went through a heroin addiction for a good chunk of time. When she finally came clean to me I was blown away. I had been spending so much time at work I guess I was never around to catch how off she would have been behaving. I felt like such a POS for not noticing. It was one of those things were I was only seeing her for a few hours before bed each night.
I looked back and realized that there were signs and that I had just been too stupid to think much of them. She was shaking when she went to bed. She would say her allergies were making her body itchy. She was also taking out a lot of cash from our account. At the time I figured she just liked spending in cash. She was picking at her face a lot leaving behind little marks all over. I just thought she was having a bad time dealing with acne. Those are just a few examples. I guess I should have also known it was weird that she would meet up with a "friend" every other night for about an hour.
A very good friend of mine. She dated a guy who claimed to work in quality control for a nation-wide bakery chain. So traveling a lot was reasonable. They were together for 3 years (living together for one) and she knew he had an ex-wife with two children in another city, so he had to pay for them. She became pregnant, and shortly before birth she discovered the ex-wife was pregnant too. But she lived in the same city, and they were not separated at all obviously. He also had a completely different job, in town, without traveling.
Constantly accused me of cheating or wanting to cheat or trying to cheat.
If I went to the bathroom and didn't answer the phone I was cheating.
If I crossed the street to check out a store when I told him I was only going out for groceries I was cheating.
When I had a conversation with a mutual friend in front of him we were secretly with each other.
When I was pregnant with his child I was going to cheat.
The doctor who delivered my baby had to be a woman because a man would be looking at my vagina and I would probably cheat. I am not exaggerating or joking in this last one or any of the previous ones.
I stayed with him because I didn't know what normal was. My mom's a narcissist and my childhood was emotional hell. Family is everything and all that crap.
I just didn't know to run. Fast and far away a long time ago.
We split. Of course he himself was a cheater.
Growing up we thought my dad had 4 kids (us, with our mom). Turns out he had families/mistresses on the side and had 13 kids total. Biggest giveaway was that there was a 30 year age difference between my mom and dad and he swooped in and married her on her 18th birthday soon after she got out of Catholic school. I'm almost 50 now with 2 kids and I'm still younger than he was when he married my then 18yo mom. He was almost 60 when I was born. With us he acted extremely prejudiced against a particular race, yet he had several children of that race. We found out late in life, when they came on a lifelong quest to meet their bio dad.
Being True To Herself
She slowly and then completely stopped being social or doing anything outside of the house that she usually enjoyed. It always seemed like she really wanted to go meet people, hang out, but then didn't feel up for it, or had work to do etc. I thought perhaps she was starting to get depressed. I would ask and keep an eye out but she seemed fine otherwise.
I honestly stumbled across browser history of gay male porn, and though "Huh...that's a little strange but I guess a lot of guys enjoy watching lesbian porn" Never thought of it again.
A few months after that I get a series of cryptic text messages while I am at the airport travelling for work. I am confused and am not sure what is going on, but once on the plane and a couple of hours into my airplane mode flight I start to realize......
Wait.....Is my wife of 6 years transgender?
Yes. After my work trip I came home to a husband.....
In hindsight the sudden reclusiveness was because they didn't want to meet new people as they were then. She wanted to meet new people as a man, not a woman.
A friend found out that his dad was in the special forces after years believing he sold paper products abroad. He eventually discovered the truth after seeing his dad on a liveleak video receiving a blood transfusion after being shot. When he confronted him, his dad had said "Oh yea, that. The paper industry can be very competitive"
The Little Things
Husband was cheating. I knew something was wrong, but I never imagined that. He always had his phone, it was never out of his sight. When he came home from work he would be sitting in the driveway on his cell phone for awhile before coming in. Sex started getting sparse.... So many little things that I never even worried about, because I thought hey were normal marriage ups n downs, became huge "AHA" moments after I connected all the dots.
I still hate to see anyone who can't let their cell phone out of their sight or gets mad if their SO picks it up. It makes me immediately suspicious.
Good luck, I'm sure you're asking for a reason. :(
Not a partner, but my husband's mom has been lying to us for years. She's had been having some financial troubles & moving a lot and made it seem like bad luck. Turns out she just doesn't pay her bills and has been evicted from everywhere that's she's lived in the last few years. In the last couple of year she has been pretending to have cancer. I'm a critical care nurse and it took me until I went to a class to get certified in chemo administration to wake up and realize she was lying about having cancer.
The signs we missed- She was moving all of the time for really silly reasons like her landlord sprung a rent increase on her or she wanted more animals than her current lease allowed. Bad things were always happening to her that impacted her ability to pay her bills like her boss screwing her over, getting robbed, and getting cancer. All of her health scares correlate with some big event in her children's lives like our engagement, her daughter moving across the country, her son getting married, etc. She texts us instead of calling to update us on big news related to her health.
We aren't perfect. There's plenty of things in our pasts that we look back and cringe at.
That being said, sometimes those cringe moments go far past cringe. Sometimes they get to the point of no return awfulness because that's where our human nature took us in this moment.
He's Not Dead<p>When I was 17 my brother walked into a room where I was lying down on my back and stamped on my chest. </p><p>I saw red and stood up and punched him square in the face, unfortunately this was in a doorway in front of a staircase, which he fell down backwards and when he hit the wall at the bottom folded up in such a way I thought I'd killed him. </p><p>He didn't move for what seemed like forever and I was certain he was dead, the world just spinning out around me. </p><p>He wasn't dead, obviously, but knocked out briefly and he never laid a finger on me again, after being the kind of nasty bully who had spent much of my childhood just randomly beating on me for his own enjoyment.</p><p>Those were the longest seconds of my life.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MrSpindles/" target="_blank">MrSpindles</a></p>
Complete And Total Taking Over<p>I don't know about "haunts" but it makes me cringe. In public school we had this thing in our school called 'Jumpstart for Kids' where you'd go around, often door to door, collecting money for this charity once a year. </p><p>Anyway I was 12 and I liked a boy in highschool and he convinced me to take the envelope and go door to door and collect money... to give to him so he could buy a drum set. </p><p>I walked around collecting from all these sweet people who told me I was so nice for collecting money for underprivileged kids. Fortunately I got caught and my parents made me donate it instead. So embarrassing.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/heather-rch/" target="_blank">heather-rch</a></p>
Scene Of The Crime<p>Provincial Park, pay shower, 12 years old, line-up to get in. Towards the end of my turn in the shower, get the urge to poop. Cannot hold it. Using a sock to smoosh the last of it down the drain, water turns off. Out of quarters. Put a towel over my head, run out of there past the line-up.</p><p> Get back to the camp site, immediately change clothes, shoes, hairstyle, put on a ball cap. Work up the courage to go by the area later on, it is all cordoned off. Hear people angrily discussing how someone took a dump in the shower.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/eskerhobolo/" target="_blank">eskerhobolo</a></p>
When Bullying A Bully Isn't Worth It<p>We had a camper in this large campground at a lake when I was growing up. Tons of families with kids riding bicycles and golf carts up and down the gravel roads through the property. </p><p>There was this one kid that was a few years older than me (I was 10, he was probably 12 or so) who's dad was the security guard and they lived on site and he was the biggest punk in the park. He'd try and wrestle you in the pool, throw rocks at you as you were fishing, ride off on your bike if you left it laying around, bully and hit smaller kids, even girls. </p><p>I was driving the golf cart down a pretty steep, gravel hill one day when I came up on him on his bike, going the same way as me. He never turned around to acknowledge I was there so I got up just to the side of him and turned HARD right into him. We were both going probably 10-15 miles an hour down this hill. </p><p>He took a nasty spill and rolled off the side of the road and wasn't moving. I kept on going, acting like nothing happened. We were completely isolated so no one saw me. I remember him getting taken away in an ambulance and hearing that he'd been hurt pretty bad.</p><p> I immediately felt remorse for what I'd done but never said a word to anyone. He or anyone else never had any idea I did it either. I look back now and think about how much of a financial strain I put on that family, seeing as how they were already living in a camper. That was a really REALLY evil thing I did and it still crosses my mind quite often.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/harp9r/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">harp9r</a></p>
Not Hurting<p>So you know the carnival horses you can sit on outside of grocery stores (back in the 90's). Well I wanted to ride one and this sweet old woman tried to help me get on, slipped, and really really hurt herself falling into the ride. I just remember hearing her scream and I got scared and ran away.<br></p><p>I'm 31 years old and think about that day at least once a week.</p><p><span></span><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/packhawk2689/" target="_blank">packhawk2689</a></p>
Gotta Get Up, Gotta Get Out<p>Easy. When I was 5, I burned my house down.</p><p>We were living in a small home, me, my sister, mom, dad. I was supposed to be in the bed, but I wanted a toy or <em>something</em> that was under my bed, and I didn't want to wake my parents by turning on my light... soooo I grabbed my dad's cigarette lighter and light the flame under my bed. Needless to say it went up like a match. </p><p>My dad tried to stomp the fire out after I started screaming fire, burning his leg horribly. My room and the source of the fire was blocking EVERY other bedroom from escape, so everyone had to jump out of a window. Funnily enough, I don't remember the world-class a** whipping I must have received for that. I just cringe at the thought that I almost killed all of us being a dumb kid.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Paradigm_Pizza/" target="_blank">Paradigm_Pizza</a></p>
Escape<p>I was married to an insanely abusive man. After two years I escaped and he killed himself shortly after. Not sure if it was him avoiding charges, or avoiding his deployment but his family decided it was 100% my fault. They told the police I gave him the gun and encouraged him. </p><p>That was investigated and unfounded. What they didn't know was he'd scanned and emailed me his suicide note the wee hours of the morning of. The police didn't find the note. Of course I handed it over when they asked. His family would not believe I wasn't involved or at fault and harassed me for a long time. </p><p>If I got a job and they found out about it they'd call and leave so many complaints I'd get let go. Found out what I drove and had their other kids and their friends follow me. </p><p>I ended up having to leave that town and disappearing to avoid them. But before I did, I printed a copy of his suicide note, found his moms car at her job, and left it on the window shield. That note detailed the abuse his father put him through, his rage at his mother for never leaving him and making himself and his siblings live with the SOB. </p><p>That he never wanted me to blame myself, that this was his way of getting the hell away from them and the damage he caused. I felt pretty bad for awhile. But at the same time.... they literally wouldn't leave me alone and stalked me for 5 years.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/TinyTinasRabidOtter/" target="_blank">TinyTinasRabidOtter</a></p>
If You Give A Pup A Shower<p>Bored in the house one day alone when I was about 10, so decided to give my dog a shower, I genuinely loved my dog, he was my best friend growing up, but for some unknown reason I decided to turn the shower onto hot water only (extremely hot) and started showering him. There was a delay I guess in him reacting because his fur was so thick, which meant I kept it on him for a few seconds.</p><p>suddenly He started yelping like dogs do when in pain, his instincts were to not be aggressive or try to escape but just looked at me scared and confused.</p><p>I panicked smashed on the cold and cooled him down as quick as I could.</p><p>Fortunately he was not 'burnt' or had any ongoing issues, he never even lost trust in me.</p><p>I felt physically sick and ashamed in myself for days after, and obviously it still bothers me 20 years later.</p><p>The good thing to come from it is that I was so disturbed by my action that I have never knowingly inflicted pain on anyone or anything since.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/ChrisLeeHD/" target="_blank">ChrisLeeHD</a></p>
Caught In The Act<p>I was at school and for no reason at all, I eavesdropped a very private and delicate conversation between one of my teachers and her husband. </p><p>Then she opened the door and saw me eavesdropping. It was beyond humiliating and I deserved the scolding afterwards. I was young and stupid obviously, but when I remember the look on her face, I still cringe hard, even if it's been almost 20 years.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/naydeilinsei/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">naydeilinsei</a></p>
Shunned<p>Second grade, I had a classmate (fake name Sasha) who was kinda awkward. Crooked teeth, quiet, not too bright. Didn't really have any friends within the class, though she did have some people she would hang out with at recess. </p><p>In any case, a boy in the grade above us, a friend of my brother's actually, for some reason decided to spread a rumor among all of us that Sasha had lice and to stay away from her. </p><p>I bought it without a second thought, and so did most of us; as far as I know, she wasn't particularly teased, but she was just shunned. No one talked to her. </p><p>She was around till the end of the year and didn't come back for third grade. No clue what happened to her, but I really hope we didn't mess her up too much.</p><p>Next summer, I got the worst case of head lice my pediatrician had ever seen. Karma, my dudes.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Isabel79540/" target="_blank">Isabel79540</a></p>
I don't miss high school or the people in it. People who seem to have peaked in high school also weird me out. How? Why? I can definitely tell you that life got much more interesting the older I got (my 20s were way more fun than any of my time in high school). If you were to ask me if I have any regrets, I suppose I would say that I wish I had been more assertive and stood up for myself more. Depression has a way of complicating goals like that, though. Let me tell you: It feels nice to be so much healthier than I was then.
After Redditor Sub2735 asked the online community, "What's your biggest regret from high school?" people shared their stories.
"I'm sure the mentality..."<p>Being too shy, I'm sure the mentality that everyone hated me wasn't very good for making friends.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpad84o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">aeflare</a></p>
"I'm not sure how it could have gone differently..."<p>Dropping out. I am not sure how it could have gone differently, but I do wish it had. It was expensive to upgrade all that education to get into post-secondary, and I also missed out on a lot of social things.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpafhng?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">DaughterEarth</a></p>
"I was already pretty cynical..."<p>I was told I had received a full-ride scholarship, so I stopped putting in any effort on other scholarships. When the time came, it wound up being awarded to someone who applied late, got it due to their family's income level, and then dropped out of college after one month. My first two years of college were a financial nightmare as I had to pay my own way on everything (except rent, as I lived at home and commuted across state lines for work and college). If I had $50 at the end of the month, that was a damn good month. I couldn't get student loans and my parents refused to help, so I had worked out a deal with the financial office at college to pay something like $550 a month, which was about 90% of my income.</p><p>I regret not confronting whoever made that decision about the scholarship. I somewhat regret not putting in the effort to get other scholarships at the same time, but I can't blame myself for it either.</p><p>I was already pretty cynical at that point, but that was when I realized just how quickly your back becomes a knife block for someone else's optics.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpalo5m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">A_Garbage_Account</a></p>
"I used to daydream..."<p>I used to daydream about going back one day and burning it to the ground, but it's just been demolished by land developers. So I guess that dream's dead.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpafcpx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">EducationTangle06</a></p>
I suppose the phrase, "Always follow your dreams"...<p>...doesn't apply in this case.</p>
"Acting like a clown..."<p>Acting like a clown, annoying everyone to the point where no one really stayed in contact with me after, and taking my precious little charter school for granted.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpae5ak?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SalFunction12</a></p>
I have a friend who has expressed similar concerns about his time in high school.<p>He ended up spending his college years going to therapy and maturing. His clownish antics were a coping mechanism for a lot of crap going on in his life at the time. He's happier and healthier now and that's what matters.</p>
"To be fair..."<p><span>Dating my best friend. To be fair that's how I found out a lot of people weren't really my friends but getting ghosted afterward really hurt.</span></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpasudw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">kannacantplay</a></p>
"She got tired..."<p>I took my crush to Daft Punk Alive 2007 instead of my best friend. She wasn't responding all day, and I was with my friend. We were about to leave when she called. She'd been with her boyfriend all day and had forgotten about the concert. I took her. My buddy was disappointed but cool about it.</p><p>She got tired of being on the floor halfway through so we sat in the bleachers. We started walking out before the encore because she wanted to get home sooner.</p><p>Always wanted to take my buddy to a Daft Punk show after that, and was going to, no matter where or how much it cost. But I'll never get the chance.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpbd6so?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">spanishgrapelaw</a></p>
"Looking back now..."<p>I regret not telling my crushes how I felt about them. Looking back now, I know that those puppy love relationships probably wouldn't have developed into anything long term and I no doubt would've had my heart broken when they inevitably ended but, I can't help but wonder: What if?</p><p>Having cultivated a host of insecurities by the time I got to high school, I was really good at hiding my inner thoughts and feelings - I also probably didn't see myself very clearly. So, I just assumed that there was zero chance of my crushes reciprocating my feelings and never said anything to them about it. I also probably sub-consciously ignored any signs that they were interested in me (again, didn't see myself clearly, was very insecure).</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpazwl2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Vegoceraptor</a></p>
"The world is wider..."<p>Not engaging with opportunities available to me and just looking at it like a holding pen just before adulthood.</p><p>It may seem hokey, but join clubs, try out lots of sports, pursue interests, pay attention in class and engage with your peers.</p><p>The world is wider for adolescents than I allowed myself to believe it was at the time.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpaxnsf?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Big_Requirement_3540</a></p>
"I already knew I was quitting..."<p>Senior year I had the option of a guaranteed internship and doing half days at school. Turned it down because my parents wanted me to be in band (and I enjoyed it so didn't put up a fight).</p><p>I already knew I was quitting when I went to college. The internship would have been great experience to propel my studies/career.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv5ytu/what_is_your_biggest_regret_from_high_school/gpatszd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">ClubbsMcLubbs</a></p>
High school isn't easy.<p>Nor is it particularly fun for a lot of people. Remember how awful being a teenager was? Remember what it was like to feel like you were at the whim of your hormones all the time? It's an emotional rollercoaster. It's no wonder so many people would rather close the book on high school once it's over (or have some regrets related to their time there).</p><p>Have your own stories? Feel free to share them in the comments below.</p>
When we are on the outside looking in, it can feel so obvious that a relationship is doomed.
When we offer advice to friends, family, or people oversharing at a party, the correct next move often seems wildly obvious: get out of that relationship.
Enough Was Enough<p>"He was mentally ill, possibly with Paranoid Personality Disorder, definitely delusional, maybe schizophrenic. I was accused of all types of things, affairs, being part of plots to 'get' him, even urinating on his toothbrush."</p><p>"I stayed for 3 years after I knew I no longer loved him because I knew he would spiral without someone to look after him. He had destroyed every relationship with his friends and family because they were all also out to 'get' him."</p><p>"I finally told him I would only stay if he got help, which he refused. So I left."</p><p>"I was right about him spiralling. He went from sharehouse to sharehouse as all the other tenants were 'out to get him'. He eventually ended up homeless for a while is now facing 18 different charges so will probably end up in jail."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpal6ip?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">damekl</a></p>
An Unfortunately Common Response to Fading Love<p>"She threatened to kill herself and even though I wanted out of the relationship, i didnt want her to be hurt or die. I remember us arguing about something very trivial but she was getting very upset. She walked out mid conversation and came back with cuts all over her legs and thighs."</p><p>"I tried getting help from parents, school counselors, doctors. None helped. So i just tried to manage as much as I can. Eventually she joined the military & moved away and that was the moment I was finally free."</p><p>"Years wasted though."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpab7fm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">corazon_im_hurt</a></p>
A Bare Bones Story<p>"Short version: domestic violence."</p><p>"Long version: I was afraid to leave because I believed he would find me and kill me."</p><p>"Conclusion: He pushed me too far and I ran."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpaizjk?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AliceMorgon</a></p>
Tipping Over the Edge<p>"He was a violent drug addict and I was scared of what he may do if I left. I never truly loved him but our relationship became very codependent very quickly."</p><p>"He cheated on me, took advantage of the fact that I had a car and money, but I still stayed because he was always threatening to kill himself or to kill my cats."</p><p>"Then one night he literally backed me into a corner and tried to punch me in the head so that finally made me open my eyes and realize I had to get out."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpb5z6l?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Theging96666</a></p>
Optics<p>"She's terminally ill, and dying of Cancer, even though she is abusive now, and was before, I can't really leave, the social pressure to be a *good man* plus the cost of divorce and everything else is just too much, at this point it's just easier to wait it out."</p><p>"Plus I really like her family, and if I left her when she was sick...it would pretty much kill that relationship."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpbm18j?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Boise_State_2020</a></p>
Always a Reason to Stay<p>"We were living together at 16, she cheated on me and I told her I wanted her to leave, she begged me not to send her back to her moms house because they have like 8 people in a 2 bedroom house and because she would've had nowhere else to go."</p><p>"I was 16 I didn't know how to handle a girl literally begging me so I let her stay against my better judgement and it created a hurtful cycle of falling in and out of love."</p><p>"Feeling like things could get better and then having my world come crashing down every time I look at her because I think of reading the message of the guy saying he loved watching her get on top of him."</p><p>"A couple of years go by and we're not in love, just tolerating each other at this point and then we got pregnant, stayed together through the pregnancy but the stress was too much for both of us and caused fighting, sleeping apart, more cheating."</p><p>"When the baby was born she had finally turned 18 and we moved away our relationship got much better with each other, we're best friends now and are just trying our best to raise our daughter to be healthy and happy and know she's loved."</p><p>"Neither of us had good childhoods."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpa47ed?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Lapidot-Wav</a></p>
For the In-Laws<p>"I lived with a man I never loved. His mum was also living with us and I loved her more than my own biological mum."</p><p>"She was the nicest, kindest and the most caring soul I have ever met in my life. I left that man when he told me that he knew I was only with him because of his mum. That was 20 years ago but I still miss her every single day."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpbz7av?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Mayfl21</a></p>
A Sudden Shift<p>"I was with my wife for 14 years. For at least half of that, I wasn't happy with the relationship. But I had decided I was ok with it because everything about our life together was acceptable, for lack of a better word."</p><p>"We owned a house, made good money, got along well, shared hobbies, etc. We were basically roommates/best friends who just didn't love each other the way you would normally expect from a married couple."</p><p>"When the pandemic hit, and we were forced to stay home more and spend time with each other EVERY DAY, we started to get a better sense of how well we actually tolerated each other. It didn't go well."</p><p>"She ended up getting really into online gaming and met some other guys and basically cheated on me. In retrospect, it was obvious it would reach that point."</p><p>"But I was content to stay there as long as I could because it was a comfortable life with very little stress and obligation."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpaadi2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">knucklehead923</a></p>
Slow Fade<p>"I was no longer as 'in love' with her. But I still loved her. After years together it could become tricky to figure out exactly what It's just a lull and what is it really going away."</p><p>"I was still living with my best friend. But ended it because once we really realized that I wasn't feeling the same way anymore. I was just hurting her for me to stay since she was still in love."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpa6h2s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">collin3000</a></p>
Wise, But a Little Sad<p>"We have good chemistry and built a life together. After a lot of years, love comes and goes. It is like the seasons."</p><p>"As cold as it can be in the winter, if you put the effort in, the spring will always come back."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lv3k1j/seriouspeople_who_have_stayed_with_someone_they/gpa41jl?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Aizpunr</a></p>
Some people don't take breakups very well. And those that don't can sometimes engage in behavior that others might view as bothersome, unsettling, even toxic.
Others engage in abusive behavior during the relationship, a major red flag that some people might not take seriously until it's too late.
After Redditor XYZ3110 asked the online community, "What's the creepiest thing an ex has done?" people shared their stories.