
Words can have a profound impact.
[rebelmouse-image 18354744 is_animated_gif=The words you speak can truly change the lives of you and the people around you. So be careful what you say--but also, give yourself some credit.
Redditor lapetitetigresse asked Reddit:
Here were some of the answers.
Tomorrow
[rebelmouse-image 18354745 is_animated_gif=My older brother told me once, after our dog died, that "No matter how sad death is the world will keep spinning. Tomorrow will come, nothing and no one will stop it". It was meant to be a tough love moment, and definitely meant to have an impact. Years later when I was in high school he died in a car accident, and his words were the only thing I could find comfort in. He couldn't have known a simple "teach my brother a lesson" type talk about our deceased pet would be what would drive me through the darkest moments of my life.
Soul Twins
[rebelmouse-image 18345845 is_animated_gif=I have two sisters. One that I consider to be my human, my soul twin, the smartest woman I know. The other one, whom I love just as much, is... different. We just don't see eye to eye on a lot of things and we are very different people so we don't connect on a deeper level. This isn't a snag on her, I do love her, she just drives me bonkers a great deal of the time.
When my divorce was finalized I was crushed. Even with a year of separation that had been relatively calm I still felt war-torn. During the separation I had moved in with my more detached sister who had also gotten divorced the previous year; she wasn't someone I would confide in very often about my feelings on my marriage because she was still very raw from her own. On this day though I couldn't hold it in and I couldn't hide it. When I got home from work she sat with me in my room on my bed and just stayed quiet (not like her) until I blurted out everything I was feeling through sobs that racked my entire body. I honestly don't even know how she could understand anything I was saying but she just held my hand and continued to stay silent.
When I was all done I looked at her and I said, "what am I supposed to do now?"
She squeezed my hand and said, "you can't finish your book if you keep re-reading this chapter."
It is to this day one of the most meaningful things anyone has ever said to me.
I See You
[rebelmouse-image 18354746 is_animated_gif=In high school I was pretty quiet and of the few friends I had, they were great friends. Well my senior year I'm not in the same lunch period as any of my friends so most of the time I'm sitting alone, slowly watching the empty chairs at my table be dragged away to another table that needed them. Well one of my friends always studied during lunch on block day with a teacher, one of the only days that I had the same period as a friend. Sometimes he would skip his study session to sit by me and near the end of the year during one such instance, he said to me real seriously, "a lot of people at this school just don't see you, and I understand how you feel. But I want you to know that I see you." And that has stuck with me since and I can't get out of my head how nice that was of him, but also how it put everything in perspective to me.
Common Denominators
[rebelmouse-image 18354747 is_animated_gif="If two or more people (that you trust) are telling you something, it's probably true". -My Mom. This has served me well in realizing I was making bad choices at different times in my life. I might not listen to one person, but I surely think about it more if several are trying to tell me the same thing.
Venting
[rebelmouse-image 18354749 is_animated_gif=I was an -sshole teenager working at a movie theatre. We hired this guy, let's call him Kevin, older guy in comparison to a lot of the people there. I was talkin sh-t about this kid in the lobby for no particular reason and Kevin doesn't say anything the whole time. I finally finish my bitter trash talk and Kevin says "do you feel better now?"
Always Ask
[rebelmouse-image 18351823 is_animated_gif=My dad told me "If you don't ask for what you want, you'll never get it." and it's the simplest statement but they're words I live by to this day. It applies to everything from relationships, jobs, business, just day to day life, it's mind blowing.
Polite Victim
[rebelmouse-image 18354750 is_animated_gif=A cop once told me, "Don't be a polite victim."
In other words, if you think a situation is hinky, don't worry about insulting someone; get out, get away, get loud . . . do whatever you need to do to disrupt a potential assault. If you feel you're in danger, don't let social niceties prevent you from being safe.
Listening
[rebelmouse-image 18346065 is_animated_gif=I was at a summer camp and we were doing different team building activities. Somehow I managed to take the lead for one and was directing the other campers of ideas we could use to defeat a certain challenge- other campers were suggesting different ideas some of which I thought were just stupid. One of the camp leaders pulled me aside and said "it looks like you're taking leadership on this task, maybe you should try and listen to everyone." That statement has stuck with me to this day. I systematically suggested trying everyone's ideas that day and we combined some them all into one that worked. Now whenever I'm in leadership positions I try to make sure to listen to everyone's ideas and make sure everyone is heard.
Poseidon
[rebelmouse-image 18345439 is_animated_gif=One of my favourites is "An entire ocean of water cannot sink a ship, unless it gets inside the ship." Never let the negativity surrounding you get into your head.
Success
[rebelmouse-image 18352188 is_animated_gif=I am "successful" as in I have a job that sounds great and I make good money, but honestly I have been pretty miserable. I don't like my industry or the people, or the work. Every time I fly back home to visit, I am the "successful" guy visiting his old home town which is awkward in many ways.
If you ever wanted to know who your real friends are, move far away (in my case to another country). It's really illuminating who keeps in touch, who makes a point to see you when you're in town, and who doesn't.
Anyways, this guy that I barely knew always made a point to hang out and catch up when I was in town. He was genuinely interested in how I was and what was happening in my personal life. I barely knew the dude, but he always took interest in the important pieces. He wasn't doing so well himself - my hometown was having a bit of an economic downturn and he was laid off. He told me the story of how HR and security laid him off and wanted to walk him out, and he refused, said he wouldn't make a scene, but he wanted to say goodbye to his coworkers, hold his head high and leave with dignity. He was then unemployed for a long period but he had a smile on his face and said "No worries dude, I'll keep trying. I'll find something."
He was thankful for his friends, his family, his fiance, all of his good fortune, in a position where most people would feel shit sorry for themselves. And while I'm sitting there having a beer with him, I realized that although I probably made literally 10x what he made (before being laid off) and on paper I was probably really successful compared to him, I would have traded everything to be him at that moment. At that moment I was deeply envious of him and his life.
Ever since then I've tried to make it part of my life philosophy that when I am stressed out, I think "what would do?" and it inevitably leads me towards something that makes me happier. This hasn't kept me on the previous path of always pursuing career success, but it's made me happier and happier. Not only that, it's made me a nicer and more tolerant person.
I still honestly barely know the guy, but I think about him as a role model at least once a week. After writing this up, I promise I'll tell him the next time I see him.
Insecurities
[rebelmouse-image 18354751 is_animated_gif=I have problems with social anxiety and for a very long time it was really hard for me to do things like go shopping, talk to waiters or even ask other people for help. While I was growing up my Dad never understood why I avoided those things and had so much trouble with them. One day he and I got a little drunk at his house while playing pool and I was apparently far less tight lipped then usual and I told him everything, about how it made me feel, what caused it, how I hated that it controlled so much of my life and stopped me from doing so much that I wanted to do.
One day he offers to take me on the road with him as a passenger while he's doing his truck driving job. Its a 5 day trip from Ohio to Huston and back. As we're driving he tell's me "Son, I'm not going to be around forever, but I'll help you how I can. The easiest place to start is to walk into every place like you own it. If you can fake it, you can make it, that's all I do."
I never considered that my Dad, who had been a practical mountain in my eyes had even the slightest insecurities. When he told me that I was awe struck. Since then I've been getting a little better over time and when its really bad I just remind myself what he said.
Respect
[rebelmouse-image 18354753 is_animated_gif=Never call somebody out on their mistakes in front of a group of peers. That's some of the best leadership advice I've ever been given. People will have more respect for you if you reserve your constructive criticism to one on one conversation.
Elsa Knew
[rebelmouse-image 18354754 is_animated_gif=Growing up I was pretty annoying and obnoxious and couldn't for the life of me figure out why it was hard to make friends and I was constantly picked on.
When I was a freshman in HS and on the swim team I asked one of the seniors why everyone hated me. He responded with "It's not that people hate you. It's just, you don't let sh-t go." And he was so f-cking right. I didn't let sh-t go. I let every little thing bother me and I showed it. Of course people are gonna dig on you if they see they can get a rise out of you every time. So I started letting sh-t go. And wouldn't you know it, the harassment started to go away. In fact before I knew it I was starting to make friends and become social.
Scary
[rebelmouse-image 18354755 is_animated_gif=My 6th grade teacher said to me one day "Nothing ever happens until it happens to you." That is my life motto. That's why I have a first aid kit in my house, and both vehicles. That's why I've taken my first aid course. That's why I've got a 72 hour emergency kit. I'm not obsessive but I am prepared in case of an emergency and after a 100 year flood swept through my town, it was all worth it. I was prepared because as much as I never thought anything could happen to me, it did.
Paranoia
[rebelmouse-image 18354756 is_animated_gif=Growing up my friends and I had a game we used to play called "paranoia". Basically you all get in a big circle and going clockwise you whisper a question to the person next to you and their answer has to be the name of someone in the circle and they have to answer it out loud so everyone can hear. It's then that you flip a coin and if it lands on heads, you have to repeat the question out loud, but if it lands tails, no one will know what the original question was, thus creating a great sense of paranoia.
I'd always felt extremely insecure about myself because all my friends were extremely intelligent; all honors and AP courses, award winners, scholarship offers, wealthy, loving families. You get it, they're brilliant minds and come from kind homes, meanwhile I'm basic, boring, bland, and average in just about every way never had a good relationship with my family and never had a lot of money either. I never really felt like I fit in with that group at all.
Anyway, so one night we're playing paranoia, some time passes and as usual my name isn't being said at all. Finally I hear Louis, someone I had hardly associated myself with, say my name. He said it confidently, proudly, and with the utmost sincerity, it was just a simple "Oh, IFeelLikeAndy, for sure." So as you'd expect my ears are perked up and I'm just praying that the coin lands on heads so I can hear what the question was. But that's when the paranoia set in. What if it's a bad question? What if I don't want to know what the question was? But it's too late. It's flipped, and after what felt like a lifetime in suspension it lands on heads and Louis repeats the question out loud.
"Who here do you think will be the happiest and most successful?"
It sounds stupid but it was honestly something I really needed to hear at the time as I was dealing with a lot of insecurities and just general emotional fatigue. Since then though I've always used it as a motivator and told myself "Do it for Louis and do it for yourself."
To this day any amount of success I've gotten I've credited to that moment because it really did help give me confidence. I've won a few awards for my writing and it's opened so many great doors for me and my future and it's all thanks to Louis and that stupid game and I don't think he or anyone there has any idea how much it meant to me.
Don't Mind
[rebelmouse-image 18354757 is_animated_gif=Once when I was a young boy maybe eleven or so, I was naughty in school. That weekend I had to stay at my dad's and he was being an all mighty jerk.
I had to go to work with him on the Saturday, and he had a French guy who was now that I'm old enough to understand a raging alcoholic.
So here I am being ordered round at work being shouted at and insulted to the point where I just wanted to cry.
I was hiding basically round a corner and my dad found me and decided that I needed a bit more public humiliation, so he gave it to me.
The Frenchman heard this and eventually waited for him to go off in a storm of thunder. He sidles up to me and says deadpan:
"You know, in this life some people are just stupid. Don't mind them."
And then he went off like nothing happened. To date it's the best piece of advice I have ever received and one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.
Own It, Henny
[rebelmouse-image 18354759 is_animated_gif=My old boss grabbed me by my shoulders from behind while I was walking and he said to me "no relax like this, shoulders back, walk like you own the place" and I have done it ever since.
Puzzled
[rebelmouse-image 18354760 is_animated_gif=My friend, after five years of being friends, mentioned that my eyebrow goes up when I find something particularly funny. I can't control it, it just does. He said I get this 'proper quizzical look'.
I always knew this about myself because at times I'd have to actively lower it back into position. I just never realized anybody else noticed it too.
Now every time I laugh I'm thinking about my stupid fucking eyebrow lifting into orbit. It'd made enjoying laughter really hard.
Take You Time
[rebelmouse-image 18354762 is_animated_gif=I was very sad in high school. Home life sucked and everything. But I was insistent on being optimistic and bubbly and to make people laugh. It took a lot of energy. But I went in every day with that attitude. Most people didn't know I was sad because of this, and I think I made a lot of people have good days.
But one day was extra tough for me. Like crying between classes. But I was still jokey. Like visibly it was taking my all to keep making jokes. My gifted facilitator pulled me into her office, hugged me and said, "you don't have to always make jokes. You don't owe anyone anything. It is okay to take a day off and be sad"
And I still try to be jokey and optimistic. But I do take days off. And it helps a lot.
Big Kids
[rebelmouse-image 18354763 is_animated_gif="Adults are just really big kids"
I had what I can only manage to describe as a mid-life crises at about age 15. I was super depressed about the fact that I was growing up and becoming an adult and just having a hard time saying goodbye to being a kid, and some stranger said that while watching a show about some adults being dorks and it just hit me. adults are just big kids, and having fun and being wholesome and imaginative and silly are things you can do your entire life.
It's a teacher's job to leave a lasting impression and set a good example for their students.
With this in mind, particularly in this age of viral videos and social media, teachers have to be very careful of what they say during class hours.
Even so, there are very few teachers who haven't said something they've regretted when teaching a class.
Sometimes to control unruly students, other times when they've simply had enough.
Then too, sometimes teachers leave their students baffled and perplexed by what they say in their classroom, well aware of what they were saying.
Always making for a memorable story.
"What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever heard teacher say in class?"
And Anyone With Such Closed Minded Views Shouldn't Be Teaching...
"Had the Head of the Department in college claim in class that anyone who actually needs accommodations for mental health issues should not be in college to begin with."
"This was while we were discussing 'Death of a Salesman' and the discussion had veered over to unhealthy pressure and social standards for success."- RavensQueen502
Wait what?!
"My very well-respected Biology teacher in college spent almost an entire lecture telling us that Jamie Lee Curtis was a hermaphrodite."
"It seemed oddly personal to him."- Urbane_Cowboy
Sad On So Many Levels
"Not heard but my freshmen year high school teacher once pulled a bottle of Jack out of his desk and took a shot during class."
"He was dying so towards the end I think he just stopped caring."- Mangothefello
Can't Take The Heat, Then Stay Out Of The Classroom...
"High school science teacher told my class that a kilometre was longer than a mile."
"Refused to budge when refuted and kicked out several students for doing so."- SupersonicDebris13
"5th grade teacher: 'Mount Whitney in California is the tallest mountain in the world'."
"5th grade me blurts out: 'No it isn't, Mount Everest is."
"Whitney is not even the tallest mountain in the USA, which is Mount McKinley in Alaska'."
"I got in trouble for 'contradicting the teacher'."- gtmattz
It's Not Just Students Who Are Bullies...
"I had a teacher ridicule a fat kid about his lunch choices in front of the whole class."
"He ran out crying as she was making fat guy blimp gestures and telling him he was going to be huge as an adult."- SnooOwls5859
Some Dramatic License It Seems...
"I had a literature teacher who told the class that he didn't believe in dinosaurs, because the universe is only a couple thousand years old."
"The bones were put there by Satan."
"Thank f*ck he wasn't a science or history teacher."- AllBadAnswers
Everyone Deserves Nice Acomodations...
"My English teacher told us that he genuinely believes that the Rothchilds own a hotel for aliens in the Bermuda triangle."- TroyLear77
Well, Then...
"We had this kid in our 6th-grade class."
"Very dark skinned kid from Africa."
"His name was Tajak."
"Every now and then when we'd line up to go to another class or lunch and the lights would go out some of his friends would go 'where Tajak at?'"
"Anyway one day we had a sub and we we're lining up for lunch, the lights went out and there went the 'where Tajak at?' and the SUBSTITUTE TEACHER who was also black went 'Boy you darker than night'."
"6th grade was f*cking wild."- 11221mikew
Sad Premonitions
"Psych teacher in high school told us that 1 in 10 of the people were friends with in high school would be dead within 5 years of graduating."
"At the time I thought it was hyperbole, but it turns out he was being conservative."
"3 of the people in my high school friend group were dead by the time I was 22."- Reddit
Do They Really Need A Reason?
"'Now girls, don't you let them boys touch your breasts'."
"'It'll give you cancer'."- jondru
Maybe Should Have Checked With The Geography Teacher?
"A teacher in Elementary school claimed during history class that the Colosseum was in Greece, as an Italian kid I was very confused, this was in Mexico."- Spascucci
So Much For Instilling Hope...
"Didn't hear this personally, but read in a book about a guy who recalled his teacher skipping chapters in a textbook and saying 'You will not need to know this when you are down in the mines'."- futanari_kaisa
The mark of a good teacher is that students will take everything they hear from them with them for the rest of their lives.
Though, the less-than-wonderful teachers may also say things their students will never forget.
People Who've Had A Serious Illness Describe The Exact Moment They Knew Something Was Really Wrong
As a kid, I never raised alarm bells even when I started to feel sick. My mom got stressed easily and was busy taking care of my younger brother, so I never wanted to be a burden by making her take me to the doctor only to find out nothing was wrong.
However, in fifth grade, my ears started to hurt and I knew something was wrong. I told my mom, she took me to the doctor, and I found out I had an ear infection.
Now, an ear infection isn't serious at all, and it was easily treatable. Still, I learned something from that experience: no one knows your body better than you. You know if and when you're sick and how serious it is, even if you don't now exactly what is wrong.
Redditors can corroborate this. Many of them have experienced symptoms that told them they were sick in some way -- usually with a very serious illness -- and are ready to share those experiences.
It all started when Redditor thelearner18 asked:
"People who have had a serious disease (cancer, MS, organ failure, etc) when did you realize something was really wrong?"
A Lesson Learned
"Hust found out i have rectal cancer. 42 yrs old. multiple stools per day, not fully emptying, thin poop. so got a colonoscopy. bam! cancer. starting chemo next week. lesson learned for everyone....if your stools or stool schedule changes, go see a doctor"
– shawngee03
A Lucky Break
"I had been having a lot of pain in my midsection, and all around my torso for several weeks. I went to the doctor and it was dismissed as gynecological cramping (menopausal?). It remained. After several weeks (6-8) I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to emergency in the middle of the night. I got a CT scan that showed a large kidney stone. They also found a mass on my ovary. The kidney stone lead them to finding a rare ovarian cancer. If not for that stone, I wouldn’t have known about the cancer and might not have caught it in time. I have been in remission since September 2021."
– peachsqueeze66
Cause For Concern
"My kid, who was 14 at the time, kept throwing up in the morning and having weird headaches. Her doctor thought it was migraines. She went back a couple of times, but the doctor was not concerned. Then one day she complained of a whooshing noise in her ear. Went to the children’s hospital and found out it was a brain tumor near her cerabellum. She was in ICU for a month, but turned out it was non cancerous and it never grew back. She is doing great now."
– Evilelfqueen
"I heard a whooshing noise in my ear a few years ago I only really heard it at night when it was quiet it would sometimes switch ears now I basically never hear it. I'm pretty sure it was just pulsatile tinnitus but still scary."
– fallen-summer
It Was The Salt
"I have Cystic Fibrosis (terminal lung disease) and it was found out when I didn't sh*t for 3 days after I was born and then my mother gave me a kiss and said I tasted REALLY salty."
"Now I'm on a gene modification drug called Trikafta and this is some serious witch craft a** sh*t because I no longer feel sick to death and I basically feel like a normal person. It's f*cking wild!
"Went from 19% lung function to 87% in 3 months. I no longer cough my a** off or feel like I'm suffocating from mucus. Go science!"
– Sudden_Blueberry_477
A Funky Optic Nerve
"I was diagnosed with MS when I was 22 after having blurred vision in one eye after a ski trip. I went to the optometrist and they said I had a dry eye probably from not wearing goggles while snow boarding. So they gave me steroid drops. After a week it kept getting worse, so I went back and they told me my eye looked much better so they did a field of view test, which showed I couldn’t see anything out of the lower half of one eye. They sent me straight to the emergency room since nothing was wrong physically wrong with my eye. They did some tests and I was diagnosed with MS and ended up going completely blind in one eye. My vision eventually came back and I got on medication within a month so haven’t really had any symptoms or issues since thankfully. I’m only 29 now though."
– johnjohn9312
Caught It In Time
"This isn't me, but this happened to my best friend VERY recently. Like in the last couple of months."
"Was perfectly fine and healthy one day. Then the next he started feeling a little bit of pain in his kidney. He'd had kidney stones before, so he figured it was that again. Then he started peeing blood. He thought it was still part of the kidney stone thing so let it go for a couple days, but he was still peeing blood and the pain was getting worse."
"That's when he decided to go to the doctor. They did an X-ray and found a mass in his kidney and told him that based on where it was located they can't remove the mass, and they can't do a partial kidney removal, and it's about a 90% chance it's cancerous, but they wouldn't be able to do a biopsy without removing the kidney first. They did the whole insurance dance, but it went fast and within two weeks he was in surgery having his kidney removed."
"He's still recovering at home right now, but they got the biopsy results last week. It was indeed cancerous, but they caught it before it spread."
– SweetCosmicPope
Happily Ever After
"I couldn’t walk anymore with my crutch I had been using to get by. Had Been on Percocet for 8 months because of the extreme pain. Nobody was finding answers to my pain but I knew something was wrong, badly. After finally having an ultra sound on my hips at the age of 26 I found out I had to undergo a double hip replacement to walk again due to a serious rare disease. I was stage 4 Avascular Nercrosis. Took a year to recover from both. But Happier ending, I’m doing good now. However it was very very upsetting news to get over a phone call at 26."
– heartpathetic
It Really Sneaks Around
"My wife started getting numbness in her right arm. The breast cancer had spread to her right shoulder and the tumor was crushing the nerves. She has stage four breast cancer in her bones."
– zenos_dog
A Turn For The Worse
"For me, it started May 14, 2014. I went to work and was having a good morning. Then, at about 9:00 in the morning or so, I started to feel some lower abdominal pain. Not to be crude, but it felt like that cramp you get when you really need to go to the bathroom. I did so, but the pain didn't go away. It got worse. I started to feel chills, was sweating, and felt nauseated. My employer has a clinic on site, so I went there. After some poking and prodding, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go home or if I wanted to go to the emergency room. I decided to go home, and if the pain didn't subside, then I'd go to the emergency room. As I was saying that, though, I noticed that my pain had gotten a LOT worse. They always make you rate your pain on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt. When I went into the clinic, I was mostly uncomfortable, maybe a high 2 going into a 3. On that very subjective scale, I was now a 6 or a 7."
"I changed my mind and decided to go straight to the nearest emergency room. My boss drove me, and by the time we got there about 15 minutes later, I was now a 10. This was the worst pain I'd ever felt. My previous definition of the worst pain I'd ever felt was when I broke 7 bones in my wrist, it was misdiagnosed as a sprain, and I had to have them rebroken 2 weeks later. The pain in my abdomen was now worse than that. The emergency room admitted me and put me in a wheelchair. They wheeled me to a room, I curled up on the bed they put me in, and passed out."
"At some point, a nurse came in and gave me some morphine. Great stuff. No pain at all anymore. A doctor came in and told me they suspected a kidney stone. He wanted me to get a CT scan to confirm it, and I agreed. An orderly wheeled me off to imaging. I got scanned without contrast and was wheeled back to the room. My wife had arrived while I was getting scanned. Shortly later, the doctor who told me he thought it was a kidney stone came into the room. With another doctor. And two nurses. They all crowd around me with solemn looks on their faces."
"The first doctor told me it was a kidney stone. A 2 to 3 mm kidney stone had been lodged in the ureter of my left kidney. That's the tube that goes from the kidney to the bladder. It passed into my bladder when they gave me the morphine, but they could see evidence of it on the CT scan. Then the other doctor said they were more concerned about the 6 cm mass they found on my right kidney. They had my attention."
"They did another CT scan, with contrast this time, and it was impossible to see anything but a tumor in the pictures they showed me. They made an appointment for me with a urologist for the next day, as well as an appointment in a few days time to get it biopsied. It was an after-hours appointment for the urologist, but he was nice enough to stay late to see me. He looked at the CT Scans and cancelled my appointment to get it biopsied. He said there was nothing else it could be but cancer, and the kidney would have to go."
"Two months later, I had the kidney and the tumor removed laparoscopically. I was incredibly lucky. They caught it in stage 1. The doctor said there were signs it was going to start moving soon. I have no idea how doctors can look at a softball sized lump of cancer and tell anything other than 'gross', but that's why they're the doctors and I'm not."
"My recovery was smooth, and I've been cancer-free for 9 years. I was incredibly blessed. I didn't have to deal with chemo, or radiation. While those can save your life, they are also horrible experiences with nasty side effects. I didn't have to deal with any of them. I was bracing myself to have to. They said it was a possibility. But I didn't. I have every respect for those not as fortunate as me, and wish them all the best in recovery."
– mnementh9999
Reason #5,622 To Start Exercising
"I started jogging again to try and get back into running shape. I kept noticing that just after a mile or so, I'd stop and get REALLY lightheaded. Kept thinking, "oh, I'm really out of shape" and kept going. Went in a few weeks later for my annual physical and doctor said "you ever been told you have a heart murmur?", no. Two months later I spent Christmas of 2017 in the ICU after having a section of my aorta cut out and a new valve put in. Surgeon said it was bad. Said it wouldn't have made it too much longer."
"Edit: for clarification, it was an aortic dissection."
– Itsawlinthereflexes
Slow And Steady
"My dad's friend went on a hike with a doctor who knew him and he was winded not far from the car. The doctor clocked it right away and told him to get his heart checked. He had 98% blockage in his heart arteries."
"He tells my dad so my dad gets the test to see how his arteries are doing and they found a massive aneurism on his aorta. He is getting it removed tomorrow. He had no symptoms but the doctors said if he had overdone it he would be dead before anyone would even know what was going on. Crazy how a random friend's hike may have saved his life."
– Pencilowner
It Takes A Village
"I never did, my teacher and parents did."
"I was seven, usually an active kid and my first grade teacher noticed that rather than running around at recess I sat down and took a nap. It happened a couple more times and after I fell asleep in class (totally out of character), she gave my parents a call, we had been visiting the doc fairly regularly cause I was also complaining of joint pain and frequent ear infections combined with the new symptoms and a new doc at the practice I was finally diagnosed with leukemia."
– greenmachine11235
Thank goodness for that teacher (and of course, the parents)!
When in the beginning stages of dating, it's important to know as much as humanly possible.
The element of surprise is no longer a fun aspect of romance.
Ask the small questions. Ask the hard questions.
Interrogate. Grill. Investigate.
Of course, you should do it with a subtle hand instead of an interrogation lamp.
The truth is all we have.
Ask everything.
Redditor RedditPenguin02 wanted to make a list of the best inquiries to make when starting a relationship, so they asked:
"What is a good question to ask before you start dating someone?"
From what I've learned in my past, always ask... "Are you into Buffy the Vampire Slayer? The TV show."
If it's a no, then it's a dealbreaker.
I Do
"Are you married?"
wrenchmonkey135
"I would ask that. If they said no, the next question was 'Would your wife agree?'"
"If they laughed, they were telling the truth. If they got indignant and pissed off that I thought they were lying…they were married."
"Worked every time."
Squibit314
We Lived!
"Do you clap when the plane lands?"
dont_u_know
"I swear people used to do this all the time when I was a kid (early 2000’s), and I don’t think I’ve heard anyone do it in 5+ years. I guess 9/11 really made people afraid of flying for about 10 years and then most folks decided they didn’t need to applaud when the plane landed safely?"
jmims98
Family Planning
"Do you want kids in the future? If one person wants kids and the other wants to stay child-free, then they are not compatible. And it is better to try dating someone else."
GoodAlicia
"It confuses me whenever some couples who disagree on this end up in a conundrum because one expected the other to change their mind. This is something I bring up early cause I see no future with someone who wants kids when I do not."
GoodAlicia
"You should always put childfree on your dating profile. It's not a small thing. Either you agree on it or not. If I had to date, I would put childfree on my profile too."
GoodAlicia
Carb it on...
"Do you like bread? That is the extent of my flirting skills."
HumpieDouglas
"Being German, bread is like a frickin' cultural phenomenon here, we have around 300 kinds of bread, there's a bread museum, every time I go on vacation I'm like yeah it's nice here but the bread ain't it yall, never as good as home lol. So yeah, valid question and the only answer to this is an enthusiastic yes."
Nayeliq1
Room Temperature
"What temperature do you set the thermostat to throughout the year?"
OneFingerIn
"Haha this one always gets me as someone who needs low temps - you can always put on more clothes, I can't peel my skin off to get cooler."
djdante
The thermostat is a dealbreaker for me.
It's gonna be 60. Love it or move on.
Discovery
"When was the last time you changed your mind about something?
"Opens a window to how they think."
youcantkillanidea
"If that was really early on in the dating I’d think it was a bit of a head-f**k question. I’d probably find that question a red flag, tone dependent, although I agree with the sentiment."
LivestockMarc
Personal Time
"Aside from major differences about finances, kids, politics, or religion, a big one is; What are your hobbies? If they don’t really have any, you may be the next hobby, which isn’t going to work unless you’ve got that kind of time. If the hobbies are time-consuming ones generally done with a SO."
"But you have no interest in them, that could be an issue as well. If only one of you likes camping, wanted to spend vacation lounging instead of exploring, didn’t like sports, etc either that partner is annoyed or the other feels like they don’t get to enjoy what they love."
Githard
Past Issues
"Ask them about their exes. If they think every single one of them is an a**hole... they are likely the real a**hole."
CantTakeMeSeriously
"I have mixed feelings about that - I've been in three previous relationships and all three were emotionally abusive towards me (one wasn't nearly as bad as the other two, though) in various ways. I know this is a common sentiment and it always makes me afraid that people won't believe me or something.
"I mean, I realize in your comment you said 'likely' and not '100% sure' and there's plenty of room for nuance."
phiore
Values
"I would try to take care of any dealbreakers. If I find out that she has different political values than I do, it's not going to work out in the long run, so I wouldn't bother. Same thing with other factors (religion, financial values, etc.). I would also ask how much cuddling she likes to engage in, as I prefer a lot."
SkullKrusher9000
Essentials
"When I was dating my three essential questions were always kids, sex, and money. If you're not on the same wavelength for any of those three things, just don't even try."
KhaosElement
TRUTH PLEASE!!
"So, how much personal debt do you have?"
"Source: the guy who dated a woman with huge debts and was asked to pay for everything and then some".
"After that, I'd go with, 'Have you ever been diagnosed with borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders?"
extracensorypower
The questions are basic.
Just ask for the truth.
Do you have any good Qs to add to the queue? Let us know in the comments below.
As much as we always hop for our dating efforts to be worth it and for every relationship to work out, we all know that some relationships are not destined to work out.
But sometimes relationships end for totally valid reasons, and sometimes the reasons are painful, if not devastating.
Redditor overIorded asked:
"What went wrong with your last partner?"
History Repeating Itself
"He cheated on me. And I was glad because that was finally reason enough to allow myself to leave."
"Now I know somebody who's in the same situation. They're trapped. And she's such a gentle and fun person who's afraid to leave him because 'well, it's always been like this, I'm used to it,' and 'I deserve it.'"
"She wants to leave him, she knows she should leave him, but it's so hard to do it, and I know that feeling."
"I'm thinking I should give her my phone number like when the day comes you've had enough, I'll gladly come to help you move out from that s**thole."
- NmlsFool
Mental Health Struggles
"I'm lost in my own trauma and mental illness and he deserves better than anything I have to offer right now."
- Last-Celery7146
"I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and mildly said, it absolutely ruined me. Her trauma and mental problems were BAD, but I still wanted to be with them. So if you ask me, as long as they can give you the space and support you need, and want to be with you, let them make the decision."
- emilersen
"It's also fair and mature to care very much about someone but realize that you only have the emotional bandwidth to take care of yourself right now."
"I'm sure it was very hard for both of you to come to terms with that decision. I don't think it's that he deserves better, I think it's that your attention needs to be on guiding yourself through this thicket of trauma and mental illness before you can be someone else's partner. You can love each other very much but also acknowledge that you don't have the tools to spare for a relationship right now."
"I'm proud of you for focusing on your own mental health and someday, when you have more emotional stability and energy, I hope you find a wonderful partner."
- SpoonAtKnifeFight
Relationship Styles
"We disagreed on how many women he was allowed to date. I’m very strong on monogamy and have no interest in someone (in a supposedly committed relationship) that isn’t."
- Altrano
At Least There's That
"Her psychotic brother tried to kill me. Thankfully he has a Stormtrooper's aim..."
- Active-Plate7939
"Hate the attempted murder, love the 'Star Wars' reference."
- letmetellyousom
Childfree Living
"He wanted a big family, like, six kids, all-natural. Obviously, he wouldn't be birthing them. This was very important to him while I was pretty ambivalent about kids, and the further into my adulthood I've gotten, the more I've realized I just don't want to be pregnant."
"I broke it off so we could both get the lives we wanted. He was also quite a bit more conservative than me, and at the time closeted pansexual person, and some stuff he believed just didn't line up with what I believed. It hurt, but it was amicable."
"Now he has a wife and kids like he wanted, and I am happily partnered and childfree. It worked out for the best."
- Free-Government5162
Family Ties
"She hated that I had a healthy relationship with my family and was trying to find ways to sabotage it."
- Cobra-Serpentress
"Similar aspect to mine, she hated my sister and mother because she had a bad relationship with her sister and mother. She would get mad at me whenever I brought my family up."
- letmetellyousom
Quality Time
"My last boyfriend dumped me because I got mad that he was coming to Dallas after I hadn't seen him for two months, but didn't want to see me."
"He was going to meet up with some friends of his he hadn't seen in a few months. I told him that was fine with me, but I felt he should make time to see me too since we hadn't seen each other in two months and we were supposed to be a couple."
"He responded to my anger by ghosting me. That was two years ago."
- dallasmysterylover
Distracted with a Punch
"A girl contacted me about him talking to her. I asked him what was going on, and he sucker-punched me in the face."
- Brilliant-Victory128
Projecting Insecurities
"He cheated on me for all six years we were together and then accused me of cheating on him, even though I wasn't allowed to leave the house."
"I'm also pretty sure he slept with my sister-in-law when my brother and I went to pick up dinner."
- Affectionate_Egg1252
Children Come First
"He was and still is no father to his kids, has anger issues, and probably has other mental health issues. I tried for years to help him and help the relationship, but he wasn't having it. After seeing how my oldest suffered under him, I had to leave."
- rintan13
Poor Communication
"I communicated how I felt about many things in the relationship. He never communicated about anything."
- aj_oof0323
"Oh look, it's the last 14 years of my life..."
- empathetic111
"I'm guilty of this, and boy, do I regret not being able to open up about my feelings. It cost me my marriage. But now I'm trying to be more open and share my thoughts and feelings. Just wished I could've done this earlier than later."
Deserving Better
"I started drinking again and became a miserable a**hole due to my own depression and my s**tty job. As such, she didn't get the attention she deserved, and had to put up with my s**tty mood all the time... so she left. I don't blame her."
"So, it was me. I don't know if I trust myself with a relationship again, but aside from the shame of knowing I hurt someone who I loved, and loved me back, but I was too self-absorbed and selfish, I am trying to be a better human to everyone."
"And to my ex: You'll find someone again... someone better."
- cracksintheegg
Big Moves
"He wanted to move to Alaska to be with some girl he was 'friends' with before me."
- dont_be_trash
Alzheimer's Disease
"My ex's early-onset Alzheimers (at the age of 50) and the resulting violence, paranoia, and irrational thinking. I tried to honor my vows, but he was so far out there, I feared for my life."
- No_Transportation258
Different Definitions of Marriage
"She cheated on me after five years total together, the last one of which was while we were engaged. She cheated on me for months, all while I was planning the wedding, working part-time, and going to graduate school so I can support us comfortably in the future."
"I planned on giving her everything I could and sharing the rest of my life with her, and apparently she didn’t care."
- Mountaingoat1001
This conversation just goes to show that relationships can end for all kinds of reasons. Even in relationships where there is still a lot of love and committment, the relationship can still end, just like how the relationship can end suddenly because of a surprising and devastating realization.