Redditor ItzTacoTimee wanted cops to tell us about the masterminds they've taken into custody.
So they asked:
"Police officers of Reddit, who’s the smartest criminal you’ve ever encountered?"
Most of these murderers on these Dateline shows are smart.
Which is what is most scary.
Deposits
happy work GIF by Soul TrainGiphy"My favorite was the guy who stole a post office mailbox off the street, repainted it, and then put it next to the night deposit box at a bank. And hung an out-of-order sign on the deposit box. All the businesses came along and dropped off their deposits in the mailbox."
pinewind108
"release to police"
"I worked with this one guy who had a lengthy record. He had a system for getting released if he got caught. After committing a crime, if the police were in pursuit and he knew he was about to be cornered, he would act insane. His girl would play along with it telling the police that he was off his medication."
"The police would arrest him but then send him to a mental ward with papers instructing the ward to release to police once he was cleared. Once he was in the mental ward, he would cause a distraction that would make the person attending the desk with the file cabinet to leave said cabinet. He would then crawl to the file cabinet, look for his 'release to police' papers, and then would literally eat the papers."
"When the psych evaluators decided that he was stable enough to be released, there would be no instructions to send him to the police, and he would be released to the general public. He did this about 10 times until police officers noticed him back on the streets. This stunt forced the state to change their procedure for detaining mentally unstable suspects."
g_baker
When in Walmart...
"A guy I went to high school had been stealing from Walmart in a pretty clever way. He would grab video games, mp3 players, beer etc. and throw them away in a trashcan in the garden section. The workers never checked the trash contents and he would just wait, sometimes 5 hours until they emptied the trash in the back dumpster and hop in to get his items."
"Once he took a cardboard box from a display inside, filled it with video games, a PS3, and extra controllers. He grabbed some tape and pens and drew all over the box and taped it up to make it look used and tossed it. An hour later he had a whole new PS3 and stack of games."
taylorink8
"I walked in with this"
"I heard about one person that pulled a shoplifting scam on a large, popular and well known U.S. retail store. They walked in with some cheap nylon product to get one of those 'I walked in with this' stickers they used to put on returning merchandise. The sticker easily peeled off the product undamaged. They walked to the electronics department, grabbed an expensive box off the shelf and went to Customer Service."
"They placed the sticker on the big box and asked if they could return the item without a receipt. 'Unfortunately, no. Not without the original receipt.' Dang it, and they walk out. Customer service even gave the door man the thumbs up having just interacted with the customer. This took place before widespread inventory controls and cameras absolutely everywhere."
nivenfan
The Follower
Location Gps GIF by AboutMedia Internetmarketing GmbHGiphy"I'm not a cop but I worked crime scene. This guy had attached GPS to the bottom of peoples cars who owned houses, he wanted to rob. He did it to ensure they wouldn't be showing up while he was ransacking the place."
Rachcake93
GPS Genius.
Enjoy the meal...
Food Eating GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"There's a golf course/country club in my town that has a PGA tournament scheduled in the next couple years. They have a guy repeatedly breaking in overnight and just lounging around and eating food, all on camera. The club refuses to report it so they don't hurt their chances of the tournament coming."
somejap
Drugs & Keggers
"This was in the late 90s-early 00s."
"A guy in my dorm came to school solely to deal drugs. He took out student loans, registered for a bunch of 300-person freshman survey courses where he would never be missed, then literally never went to class. All he did was go to raves and concerts and keggers and sell party drugs."
"After the first semester, he was suspended. He wrote the usual ‘I was young and dumb and in over my head’ sob story, and got put on probation for a semester. So he had a repeat of the fall. At the end of the year, he was kicked out, and didn’t care."
"He made something on the order of $150k, in return for about $8k in student loans to cover a year of housing and tuition."
"So far as I know, he was never caught. It may have been a short-sighted maneuver in the long run, but in the short run it seemed fairly genius to effectively use federal loans to start your drug business."
whistleridge
Into the car...
"Working in a home improvement store when younger. This guy came in, went to the snow blowers, took one and went to the return desk. Said he wanted to return it but had no receipt. They told him you need a receipt so he says ok I’ll be back and wheels it off to car through the front door. He did this a few times apparently. Couple places even helped him load it 'back' into his car."
ethan-bubblegum-tate
TRANSFORMS
"A french thief who spent 10 years in prison became a comedian when he got out. One of his stories... Finds a building, goes in, chooses a floor and TRANSFORMS the exit door into an extra apartment. Puts the apartment number, fake lock, welcome rug, etc..."
"Puts an iPhone for sale. The person comes to buy it, he opens the door in a shower robe and says give me one second, im just gonna count the money... and poof!"
"He's gone from the exit stairs."
ismango
So Hungry
block out no GIF by Heute-ShowGiphy"Definitely this guy who ate the bank robbery note right off the hood of the police car when they were emptying his pockets. Although I'm fairly sure he was still convicted."
Bonesnapcall
Even with smarts, crime still doesn't sound like it pays.
Who would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments below.
I once had a neighbor who liked to leave notes detailing their disdain on everyone's landscaping in our mailboxes. I set her mailbox on fire. I was 18.
Fences
buster keaton fence GIF by MauditGiphy"Tried to have a fence repaired and replaced in some parts. Neighbor said the fence was over the property line. So, their solution was call the cops. The responding deputy told them, it's a civil matter, not criminal and drove away."
sternje
Drug Den
"My a**hole neighbors are actually fine to me. A very old woman lives there and her step-brother uses the location to sell drugs. His clientele are not nice. They pee on the sidewalk, they harass my neighbors, they sit on people's property, they will steal anything that isn't nailed down."
"However before I found all this out all I knew was a little old lady lived next door to me so when it snowed I shoveled her walk. I've kept doing that and I rake the leaves for her, too. I dunno what amount of control she has over her brother and the people who buy drugs from him, but I live right next door to the house and I am the only house on the block that no one really bothers."
Oudeis16
Avoiding Conflict
"We live on a farm. We share a driveway with one other family. They're very passive aggressive. Long story short they want us to build a separate driveway. Numerous times he has blocked our only way out. As of late I've been finding nails, screws and scrap metal in the driveway past where they ever drive their vehicles. I try to avoid conflict, but it's starting to get out of hand. As of yesterday I installed a trail cam in hopes that they will stop being a**holes. Time will tell if that actually works."
stealyourfaced
"Psycho Sally"
"Used to live next to this single mother (40s) and her daughter (16). They were the type of neighbors that would have the police round a handful of times a year for god knows what reason. This one day I'm working on my motorbike out in the shared car park, when the mother turned up in her Ford Ka and parked next to my parent's car. She got out of her car and proceeded to smash her car door into my parent's about 8 or 9 times while smiling at me. Her nickname was 'Psycho Sally' for a reason."
slawter_uk
You're Dead
the sopranos hbo GIFGiphy"Not the worst but the funniest was threatened to kill my father via 'mafia connections' over weed whacker He laughed in his face and kept going."
tyrom22
Are people insane? Yes. Yes they are. And it's difficult to live next to crazy.
DEVIL
On Fire GIFGiphy"One guy fed my cat antifreeze. Spapoop was a good kitty and didn't deserve that."
Spodson
Petty Patty
"Had a neighbor leave a note on my then-girlfriend's car saying she wasn't allowed to park in front of their house because their taxes paid for that part of the street. That same neighbor constantly called the cops on me for trivial things like one time I was shoveling my driveway and I moved my car onto the sidewalk for 5 minutes while I shoveled the spot where it was previously parked. Pretty much every discussion I had with the cops involved the cop making fun of how stupid the people were for calling to complain."
DobRex
Roommate Issues
"Out of college, I lived in a house with two other roommates. Two of us had cars and one guy took the bus. This older woman who lived two houses down was constantly berating us for parking in front of her house and threatening to call the cops. Thing is, we never parked in front of her house. We had a garage where my roommate and I would park our cars."
"I lost count of how many times we explained to her that none of the cars in front of her house were ours but I swear it was that old lady logic of 'young people=troublemakers.' Finally, she came to our door one night and my roommate just lost it at her. He told her if she came by again complaining about something that wasn't our fault that he'd call the cops himself and let them sort it out."
"She immediately played the 'I'm just an old lady why would you do that to me' card but we were done. He reiterated that again, he would call the cops if she ever came to our house again. She never bothered us again the rest of the time we lived there. I understand you're frustrated about people parking in front of your house but maybe, just maaaaaybe, watch who gets out of the cars instead of just instantly assuming it was us?'"
apocalypticradish
Evil
"I had a weird old creep for a neighbour who would spend his time washing his car in front of his house. One day we had workers over doing building work on the house. After a few days they informed us that the old creep would hide behind the fence and spend the afternoon abusing them and throwing racist comments."
"My dad discreetly crept back to catch him doing it and gave him the fright and humiliation of his life. Next day he started mowing the lawn at night with a flash light and testing his fire alarm in the middle of the night. the police was called to deal with him."
Meanwhile-in-Paris
Bad Kids
snl spraying GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Let their monster children run around the neighborhood and destroy people's cars. They were always in and out of court because of their negligence."
Express_Topic_4081
The Prize
"My brother’s neighbor once gave poisoned meat to his (my brother’s) dog. Fortunately the dog decided to come show off her 'prize' instead of just scarfing it down so she was okay. My brother reported it. The neighbor claimed he’d put it out for wild animals but the cops, who’d been called out there before for ridiculous reasons."
"One time he called to complain about the dog using the bathroom, in her own yard, didn’t really buy it. I think he ended up getting fined and was warned against doing anything like that again, but my brother was extremely careful about keeping an eye on her any time she went out until the nutcase moved a few months later."
LadySygerrik
In Florida...
"He cornered my wife in a corner of the garage preventing her escape. He explained how he would protect her and showed her his gun in his waistband. He pulled out a knife and showcased his military training on how to kill a man. Finally he expressed his love for her and how he fantisizes about sneaking into our bedroom to give her oral. He told her he was really good at giving it and asked her to kiss him. Apparently none of these actions are a crime in Florida."
slowmen
The 80s were a wild ride...
"John and Flo. They were the absolute worst. John tried to get my brother to eat poisonous berries when he was 4 years old. John also caught the woods behind our house on fire. They called the cops on us because we accidentally kicked a ball into their yard. Flo accused my dad of assault, took my parents to court, but the case fell apart when the judge saw there was no evidence, and her own husband didn’t show up to support her in court."
"They finally decided to move because my parents adopted my sister from South Korea and they said she was going to make property values drop. The 80s were a wild ride. F**k you, John and Flo. Btw, this is just a handful of the terrible things they did."
mshell734
Damage
"When I was like 6 a couple of the neighborhood kids threw a bunch of rocks under another neighbors car that was notorious for being an absolute nightmare. I happened to come outside at the wrong time, and when she saw the rocks she and her husband demanded I crawl under her car and clean them up (which I don’t need to say is a horrible idea) all while screaming at me for 'trying to damage their car.' I came crying home and that’s probably the closest my mom has ever been to physically attacking someone."
Ok_Lengthiness_2590
Terror
"Not current neighbors, but had one that would let their dogs roam the neighborhood freely. Not overly a big deal. We are out in the country and not many people fence their dogs in. But this neighbor didn't care their dogs were everywhere and didn't care that his dogs were harassing our livestock. Which is a big deal. As livestock can die from too much stress."
"Well after politely asking multiple times to keep his dogs in and away from our livestock he still just didn't care. So after one day seeing their dogs terrorizing our livestock, I chased their dogs back home. Then told the neighbor in no uncertain terms to keep his dogs off my property."
"Also informing him in front of his wife and kids what the state law permits me to do to dogs that are terrorizing livestock. After that had little trouble with them. Except for when their pet peacock decided that it was going to stay summer around my house. Didn't cause a problem so we didn't care much."
snarkyshooter09
Crossed the Line
bascom hill dancing GIF by uwmadisonGiphy"Called 9-1-1 on me for supposedly mowing 6" more than I was supposed to at the property line, stating that I was going to destroy their green house by doing so (greenhouse was 50 feet away from me)."
kenssmith
Pooper
"When I was a kid my dad got sick of our neighbor’s dog pooping in our yard. He scoops one particularly big pile up and chucked it into their driveway. He didn’t realize this guy’s convertible was parked with the top down in the driveway and this disgusting pile of poop landed right on the driver’s seat."
Beautiful_Sherbet807
foot long homemade pipe bomb....
"He hid a foot long homemade pipe bomb in a hollowed out log in the woods right next to my driveway. Thankfully my sister found it and not my son and it didn't blow up. The bomb squad had to come and examine it and decided it would be safest to blow it up at the scene (read: my driveway). We ended up in the news. Thankfully that neighbor moved a few months ago so I don't have to worry about stumbling across anymore homemade explosives."
Shimmergloom89
Scream
Scream GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Not me but my bf, his neighbors scream at his family all night and they even spat on his dog, multiple times. He and his dad had to build a 3ft tall fence extender just so the neighbours couldn't reach over to spit."
High Fever
"I was like 4 on Halloween with a high fever. A couple of neighborhood kids decided to egg our house. The window was open and 2 eggs went right through and splatted sick little me in the face."
"My mother ran in my dad's boxers down the block, chased them into a building hallway and gave one of them a black eye. The next day there was a knock on the door and it was the guy and his father- who made his son apologize."
Far-Ad9143
Yeah... that all sounds about right. The days of Mayberry are over. Be aware...
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Curious to hear from people who work in protective professions, Redditor L3n777 asked:
"Police, security guards, paramedics etc - Have you ever been called out only to realise it was a seemingly paranormal incident? What happened?"
Something spectral or something from another galaxy?
You decide.
The Darting Light
"Marine stationed in Japan back in 2010-12."
"I was military police. One night around 2-3 am we hear over the radio 'uhhhh. Any units seeing the light over the water south?' It was a marine air station based on the southern tip of Japan. We had no flights coming in or going out that night. Everyone knew there shouldn't be a light flying over the waters."
"So about 3 patrol cars met up at the air field where there was a way better view. Sure as sh*t there's a light sitting out over the water blinking slowly off and on. Some guys tried to say it was a star, so we had traffic control cameras from dispatch zoom in on it."
"Turns out it was slowly moving out of the cameras. So while by ehe we couldn't tell it was moving, the cameras picked it up. We sat there kind of amazed for an hour before it went away."
"As we were getting back into the squad car I took a last look at the night sky and saw a small light dart behind some clouds in a movement that didn't make sense. I didn't tel the other guys, just thought there's no way they would believe me."
"Months later I was running on the sea wall and stopped to lay down and catch my breath. Again saw a light, watched it drive into some clouds and then disappear. That was around the time of the tsunami and Fukushima. Super weird."
– Majestic-Science-220
Extra-terror-estrial
"Not a responder, but lived next door to one who is very famous in our hometown for his alien abduction, but there are other stories, too. This all went down in the 80s, rural England, and my memory of the exact details are fuzzy (been a while since anyone has bothered discussing it, small hometown and everyone knows and is over it)."
"The alien abduction story is that he was on the way back from a call out, saw some odd lights on the road ahead and had to stop, a one track road. He went to investigate the lights as any good police officer does, and next thing he knows it's a half hour later and he's back in his car seat, car facing the other way, some odd substance on him, no lights to be seen."
"The police dispatch also confirm that his radio frequency just disappeared for that half hour. The substance was tested and didn't match any known profile (I really have no idea what that really means or what tests were)."
"At around the same time, this officer and some others were called out by a farmer whose cows had disappeared. Yes, very stereotypical cows in a tractor beam story. But the farmer reported them missing, multiple police show up, gate is locked and no cows."
"They all decide to drive around looking for the cows. The paranormal magnet officer reports that thing where you keep trying to drive somewhere but always end up back where you were when it shouldn't be possible on his route, but they all convene back at the field at the end of shift."
"The cows are back, though none of the officers found them and nobody called in to find them. And remember, paranormal officer has seemingly been driving past the field on a loop all night. The farmer was also unaware when they called to ask him. Totally sounds like the farmer pulled a prank, except it was raining that night and there was loads of wet mud building at the edge of the field where the gate is, and not footprints or hoof prints, and the cows were dry, too."
"The last story I have the vaguest recollection of, I think it happened some years earlier and the paranormal officer was called to the discovery site. It is mostly about a different guy, a farmhand who was an immigrant who disappeared without a trace and then appeared several days later and miles away, dead, with burns and another unidentifiable substance all over his body, dumped at the top of a pile of coal."
"Again, no sign of anyone climbing up the very precarious pile of coal. And no sightings of this farmhand getting from the farm to a different town - one road, and he didn't seem to be on it at any point. He was in the same clothes but appeared to have undressed then been redressed by someone else."
"Autopsy couldn't find a cause of death, it wasn't the burns, and he was like, barely dead (no rigor mortis) when discovered. Edit: Should probably add that the official answer to the farmhand death was spontaneous ball lightning, itself a weird theory, and it doesn't explain most of the situation."
"I am not saying aliens but everyone at home is mildly convinced of the aliens."
– bingley777
It all starts with a sound.
After Hours Visitor
"Universal Orlando has a ride that you can hear a little girl laughing and someone running up and down the corridors after the ride closes."
"I've had doors that only lock with a key somehow lock when no one was around. The mechanics only work with ALL the lights on and music blasting."
– Revolutionary-Yak-47
These Low Effort Jobs Have Surprisingly High Salaries | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Have you ever worked one of those jobs that paid you to kinda sit there? If you have, you know the joy that comes with watching the entirety of Breaking Bad ...Undetected Visitor
"Unarmed security for a residential building here, this is extremely tame compared to some of the other stories here but this is a pretty salient subject (and I have evidence)."
"My site has a rooftop pool and it's really one of the only major things the management gets anal about when it's supposed to be closed. On a chilly night not too long ago I was posted up in the rooftop stairwell staying warm when I hear a crescendo-ing fit of laughter that goes to the point where the laugher is gasping and choking."
"Kind of weird, but not a big deal considering that people throw parties and whatnot all the time and I could tell it wasn't close enough to be someone horsing around in the pool. Then I just start hearing a bunch of shrieking, and the source of the noise is moving around."
"At this point I step out, and I realize it's coming from the rooftop itself (locked up and only accessible by non-security by scaling a concrete wall). The noise stops and I try to start zeroing from where exactly on this dark, slippery, cold-ass roof the noises were coming from."
"Then I see some footprints on the roof that were not there before. Barefoot prints with no heel print (tiptoeing). Footprints that are dirtier than the surface of the roof itself. Noped my way right back inside because it was an hour before clock-out"
"I'd much rather have something paranormal than a methhead on the roof running around with no shoes."
– Insominus
Electrical Disturbance
"Before my actual job in LE, worked security in a college back in 2016. I remember at some point a movement detection alarm tripped in the theatre. I check up on the cameras and only the lobby had a camera. The lights were flickering but it seemed 'intelligent' meaning one light was flickering then suddenly another one was. I decided to go check it out. All doors were locked magnetically. Lights stopped flickering the second I walked into the room."
– StunningZucchinis
Cry For Help
"Temporariy security guard at a supermarket in Holland. Suddenly i get a call that there is a kid locked in one of our Walk in coolers that you need a magnetic key for to unlock. Customers and staff have heard this kid yell for help."
"I get my magnetic master key and open the door. there is nothing in the cooler no kid no produce nada. We explain it away as some joke but staff insist they heard it. Jokingly tell them they heard a ghost or some sh*t. And after that i continue my shift slightly unnerved."
– sarper97
These Redditors had no clue who or what was moving things around.
Ghost Driver
"Yyyooooooo lol you might not believe me but at universal studios Hollywood the lower lot we use golf carts or Ford explorers to patrol. There is a golf cart that drives it self at night."
"We have the number of the cart on camara and I sh*t you not it's been 'no operational' for over 6 years. (Some one wrecked it on lot) thing drives around jaw lake and residential area at night. Scary sh*t is I patrol up there alot for my swing shift never seen it but camaras catch it zooming past use when we are driving lol"
– Fearsnodeath
Maybe The Building's Old
"I know the feeling, especially with the doors. the building I work in has these sliding doors. The outer doors locks at 8pm but the inner doors stay unlocked. Sometimes around 1 am or 2 am the inner door will open like someone just walked past it... Once the locked outer door slid open like someone walked up to it... "
"That night I cut power to the doors for the rest of the shift. Same with the phone, except we can see who is calling in, whether it is an outside line or if it is coming from in the building. At least once a week there will be a call from one of the offices in the middle of the night, the first night it happened I assumed it was housekeeping, next morning I spoke to head of housekeeping and was told all housekeeping leaves at 8pm, same with kitchen staff, and maintenance."
"Management is out the door by 5pm, only staff in the building after 8pm is myself and a handful of nurses, and it can't be any of them as they are on another floor, I have the only key to the offices the call comes from, and I would see if anyone entered or exited the offices. Same with the alarms, had the fire alarm go off last week and it prompted all the fire doors to close, as soon as those doors closed it stopped."
"I checked, nothing in the building to trigger it, opened the fire doors back up, sat down at the desk, 5 minutes later alarm is shutting the doors again for no reason."
"So only thing I can figure at this point is this building I work in is an old building and it probably has some bad wiring somewhere that keeps setting things off."
– CylonsInAPolicebox
Ghost Writer
"A guy I worked with told me about a computer programming job he had at a small bank that I think was in Salem, Oregon. He was engrossed working on some code and didn't notice people leaving for the day, but at some point he realized he was alone."
"But he could hear slow, irregular typing, like somebody who didn't know how to type was using one finger. He was in a groove and kept working, but eventually he had to stop and figure out what it was."
"After walking around and finding nobody there he realized the sound was coming from behind a door he had never seen opened. As he opened the door the typing sound stopped, and what he found was a small closet with some boxes of forms and stuff stacked up, and on top of the boxes was an old manual typewriter, like from the 1920s. No paper in it."
"At that point he just closed the door and called it a night. This guy was a rather unimaginative person and also a hardcore biblical Christian. He never even reported this or asked his coworkers about it. I would have stuck a sheet of paper in the typewriter (and then noped out for the night)."
– refried_pancakes
Building With A Gruesome Past
"Once worked in a call center very late at night. Around 8pm you'd hear all the doors in the main corridor slamming shut, but the doors didn't open or close at all."
"Later we tried to frighten one of the workers by telling them the place was haunted, and found out about a month later that the entire building was on top of a medieval plague pit, where they just build over it and left the corpses buried."
– WimbleWimble
Haunted Condo
"I work security at night in a luxury condo, I actually started a little over a month ago and I already had a fair share of incidents."
"Alarms triggered for no apparent reason, finding unusual doors unlocked, random orbs on the cameras, doors slamming while nobody's around, elevator phone started ringing by itself."
– Important_Walrus8917
I always imagine security guards wander dark corridors at night illuminated only by their flashlights to investigate strange sounds.
If that is a reality, to them I tip my hat.
Because regardless of earning a decent wage, I would never want to subject myself to witnessing horror movie tropes like fresh footprints when no one else is in the building, or a strange point of light darting around that is not traced back to my flashlight, or slamming doors not due to mechanical failure.
To all responders in the field, thank you for your service.
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I get it guys....
Season 23 Episode 10 GIF by South ParkGiphyNot a cop but a buddy of mine is and he likes to tell a story about a guy who flipped his car over on I-75 going through Detroit.
Apparently the guy was wasted, looked like he hadn't bathed in weeks, the car was totaled, there were beer cans strewn all over the highway, and while the various officers who responded were debating over who had to take custody of this wreck of a human being he walked up to them and said "Hey guys, I totally understand if you just want to let me go."
Just a small 10 officer...
Not a police officer and not my story, but funny....
From the law firm partner who trained me:
Client is driving home from a court hearing 2 hours away with attorney in passenger seat. Gets stopped for doing 10-15 over the limit on freeway. Cop approaches and client opens with:
"Officer, I'm terribly sorry, I was speeding, probably 10 miles over the limit, you can write me a ticket if you need to, but please do it quickly ... you see, I have my attorney in the car and he's charging me $400/hour until I drop him off..."
Cop said it was the best excuse he'd heard in months, told him to slow down, and get home safely, but let them off with no ticket or write-up.
Such a Turd
Not a cop but my crap-moblie broke so was borrowing my mom's Lexus. Cruising along see police lights, look back at speedometer I'm pushing 80 on a road that is normally a 45 so just pull over. Cop finally catches up goes through the whole ordeal paperwork, do you know why I pulled you over?
Etc. Explain that it's my mom's car and I'm not used to something that can get out of its own way and apologize for going so fast. Describe my car to him and he just laughs, says he has seen it around town before and commented on how it was such a turd. Let me go with a verbal warning.
Oh Grandma....
Old Lady Dancing GIF by MattielGiphyMy friend's 70-year-old mother got pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. She told the cop she just got breast implants and the doctor advised her against seatbelt use until she healed. Cop let her go.
I Gotta Pee Yo!
I got pulled over when I was 39 weeks pregnant because I didn't signal while turning into a gas station at 2 am.
I was going to pickup a friend who needed a ride and a place to sleep, but baby shifted and I was 10 seconds away from peeing my pants.
I was already unbuckled and leaving the car.
I yelled at him he could give me any ticket he wanted but I have to pee first as a waddled as fast as I could into the gas station.
When I got back he was just standing there looking awkward, asked if I felt better, told me to remember my signal and left.
Thanks, Dad...
Not a cop, but I had one laugh in my face when I was 19 and got caught speeding.
I was doing 75 on the highway at night, in an area that has signs that indicate the speed limit is 70 during the day but 60 at night.
I legitimately didn't know I was speeding because of of this incident when I was a kid... my dad was kind of a speed demon, and I was a snitch of a kid. One night on this same stretch of highway I looked over and saw him driving about 80, and I pointed out that the sign said the speed limit was 60 at night.
My dad told me, not missing a beat, "That rule only applies to 18-wheelers." And I believed him.
10+ years later, this cop pulled me over and pointed out the lower speed limit at night, and I looked him dead in the eye and said, "My dad told me that only applies to trucks?" The cop started laughing. My genuine confusion (and embarrassment) apparently convinced him, though, because he didn't write a ticket.
Thanks, dad.
Back off.....
I'm not a cop but I said something stupid to one and actually got out of a ticket.
It was at night on the highway, one lane due to construction and I was going the speed limit. Some butthole decided to tailgate me pretty bad, as in I couldn't even see their headlight. I sped up and they did as well.
By the time construction ended we were going 90-100mph, I tuned of to my exit and Mr butthole was still following me. Slowing down to stop and blue lights light up.
I told him I thought he was just some fool tailgating me or something, I got chewed out and he left. I never got a ticket.
Haha... got me...
Tom Cruise Smile GIFGiphyMy boyfriend's dad got pulled over once for speeding. The officer said he clocked him going 50mph.
"But officer I was only going 45!!" "Sir this roads limit is 35.."
Needless to say he got a ticket.
The Escort
A friend was given court documents that needed to be presented to judge 200 miles away to stop a deportation that night. Not only did he not get a ticket, the police escorted him and contacted the force in the next county so the escort continued until he got there. At one point he couldn't keep up with them because they were driving too fast for him.
ETA thank you for the awards and up votes.
Leaking....
shots fired lol GIF by Jonas MosessonGiphyA colleague of mine loved to tell how she was pulled over for speeding. She explained to cop she panicked because she began leaking milk and wanted to get home quick to clean and collect (she just had a baby). Cop had an horrified reaction and let her go.
It's not accurate
Was riding with a friend of mine one night on the maiden voyage after he installed a V8 in his Pontiac Fiero Got pulled over and the cop walked up and says " I stopped you because I clocked you doing 76 in a 55"
Buddy says "you should get that radar thing checked, it's not accurate "
Cops says "we calibrate it twice per shift etc etc " Buddy says "no, you don't understand, if it says we were doing 76, it's not working right, cause we were doing just over a hundred"
Cop fell over laughing, said he's been a cop for 17 years and no one has ever argued that they were going faster than he clocked them, and wrote a warning.
I got nabbed for blowing a stop sign, that was in the middle of nowhere and you could see both directions for miles, Cop was upset and says "you're driving an 18 wheeler and just ran that stop sign, what have you got to say for yourself ?"
"All I can say is that it was pretty stupid to run a stop sign in front of you.
Dude wrote me a warning for not lying and saying I didn't run it.
Lead foot
When I was in Driver Ed 30+ years ago, a cop came to class one day to discuss driving safety. At the end he mentioned some of his favorite excuses for speeding, such as "I'm wearing my heavy shoes today" and "I just left the car wash and drove fast to dry it off."
Jason Bourne
Kind of the opposite, but I once had a cop once pull me over for speeding, and he asked me if I had any decent reason at all why I was speeding. The way he said it, it seemed he didn't really want to give me a ticket.
All of my pre-planned excuses went out the window and I kind of stammered "Uh, no...no good reason." I certainly didn't expect a get out of jail free card (so to speak), so he knocked it down to the minimum and gave me the ticket. He actually seemed disappointed in me, lol.
At the time, I couldn't understand why he was so generous. But I found out later that when my plates got run, it came up that I had a Restricted Carry Permit for firearms. I was an armored car guard at the time and where I live the only people that get those carry permits are guards and trappers, who live way up north. Given that I had the permit, it was obvious to him that I was a somewhat law-abiding citizen, besides driving like Jason Bourne in a car chase. I was let off for speeding all the time when working, but that is a different set of circumstances.
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