So imagine my surprise when I get a message from LadyChad on Instagram (not an app I'm terribly active on as far as messaging and I have literally never spoken a single word to LadyChad at this point) asking what kind of wine I had given Chad because she wanted to go out and purchase several bottles.
Um ... what? So there I am awkwardly staring at my phone already having responded to her "hi" so I can't just ghost the girl. She knows I've read her messages and am actively on my phone. Chad doesn't really talk to me, so I have no idea how I got roped into this, and I'm looking around like "WHAT DO I DO!?!?!"
Babe later assured me this is the sort of thing Chad did to him all the time and LadyChad was probably well aware that he was lying. Still, I didn't appreciate getting sucked into some elaborate Chad-scheme. If you're going to do that to people, you have to give them a heads up! One Reddit user asked:
What's the most awkward position someone's ever put you in?
... apparently the world is FULL of Chads. Get it together, guys. Stop being Chads. Here are some of my favorite responses - edited for clarity when needed. Enjoy the cringefest!
Didn't Know About The Divorce
GiphyI'm about to go for supper with my mom's new boyfriend, she's 50. I didn't know my parents were divorced.
The Invoice
GiphyMy mom sent me an "invoice" for raising me. I hadn't spoken to her in 4 years at this point. I called her to see what was up. She told me that if I don't pay the amount of the invoice, she's going to lose the house she's living in. She lamented that I was an expensive child because I had so many health issues, and how she was owed this money.
I explained to her that I wasn't responsible for my birth or the complications during my birth that she caused. She cried until I hung up, then immediately called me back with stone cold composure and told me I was no longer a part of her family. Big loss there.
Confronted By A Coworker
GiphyWas getting a drink at work and when I turned around my female coworker trapped me in a corner. She demanded to know why I don't look at her like the other guys. "I know I'm older than you but am I not pretty?" Luckily another coworker saw us and I just walked away laughing like she just told a joke.
- BigMilk0
Teacher's Erotic Poetry
GiphyMy high school English teacher read us erotic poetry she wrote about her husband... who happened to be our History teacher.
Five Minutes Of Faking It
GiphyI grew up not actively doing religious stuff and I lived in the middle of an aggressively Mormon neighborhood. One day when I was in the third grade I was invited to one of my super Mormon friends house for dinner. I went and her mother asked me to say grace. Being a stupid 10 year old with no idea how to say I didn't know how, I clasped my hands together and mumbled under my breath for five minutes. *five minutes *. I probably would of gone long if the mom didn't stop me.
I didn't have dinner with them again.
Sister or Best Friend?
GiphyRight, settle in and grab the popcorn, I've got a story for you. My sister married my best mate from college, it kinda made sense at the time because he had always been around at our house, spending time with my family etc. There were no hard feelings from me, I thought they were kinda cute and a couple. Anyhoo they get married had a huge reception were my parent spent an absolute fortune inviting probably close to 300 people, not just friends of my sister and her hubby but friends of my parents to show off to at how perfect the happy couple were.. Fast forward a couple of years and my sister and her husband had emigrated to a different country and out of the blue she calls me and asks if I can visit. So I pack my bags and go on holiday. When I arrive my sister tells me that she is getting a divorce from my mate and that she has been in a relationship with a lady on the sly for a year. So I've got my sister who now wants me to stay with her and support her through the divorce process and on the other hand I now have my best mate who is absolutely crushed as a male doubting his masculinity (as you would if your wife of 10 years just upped sticks and declared her self lesbian) who wants me to live with him and play video games and smoke pot with him every night.
I went and lived with my buddy. We got high every night, got drunk all the time and shagged everything.
I met my sisters new lady friend and we didn't gel. My sisters partner is almost as old as my mother is and I wish my sister all the best, but I struggle to connect properly with her new wife.
Acquaintance Awkwardness
GiphyAn acquaintance was crashing at my place for a night. We went out and had a fun night out together, he ends up bringing someone home. I crash while they're enjoy each other's company. I hear the front door open and close in the middle of the night and figure she's gone home.
Around noon the next day, the guest bedroom door finally opens and I hear him walking down the hallway toward where I am in the kitchen. I'm pouring a cup of coffee for him when a FEMALE VOICE says hello.
Turns out it was the acquaintance that left in the middle of the night. He left the hung-over bar-girl in my house. She and I had an awkward conversation while she drank a coffee then left.
- milesmac
A Dramatic Reading
GiphyI was waiting in a school office to be interviewed for an Art teaching position in a middle school 7 years ago.
There was another art teacher who already worked at the school in the office and she was trying to be friendly and make conversation with me.
She pulls out her cellphone and asks me my name. I tell her and she immediately logs into Facebook and finds my profile (which I left open to public at the time) and immediately starts reading my profile out loud for everyone in the office to hear.
Grindr Gone Wrong
GiphyTalking to a dude on Grindr and he invited me over. He started being way overly affectionate as soon as I stepped in the door. We had the typical "gay dudes about to hook-up chat" where we talk about work and how often we do this, etc. Things soon get hot and heavy. As soon as he was about to penetrate, he had a full on mental breakdown and started sobbing into my chest...
It went on for like 15 minutes and all I wanted to do was to get out of there! All I could do was reluctantly coddle him while he was hyperventilating over his recent breakup. We're both bare-ass naked, I've lost all libido at this point and I just prayed for him to get off me.
As soon as he calmed down, I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my life to get out of that house.
Thanksgiving Dinner
GiphyMy wife and kids and I were invited to her parents' house for Thanksgiving, along with her two sisters. While we were all around the table and the food had been served, sister number one discovered that sister number three was dating number one's ex. An angry, awkward silence ensued. The kids started asking why nobody was talking. Potatoes were passed really hard. Platters were smacked onto the table. Stink eye was amply provided to anyone over 10 who dared to speak. It was quite a celebration of love and family.
Grandma Is An Addict
GiphyMy Grandmother is currently addicted to opiods. She frequently and often texts me asking me to take her to the hospital, effectively forcing me to tell her "You need to call 911." Even though I am almost always certain it's purely so she can go in and get her high. What's more, she tries to guilt trip people who won't take her anymore, including me, saying, "Oh I can't walk! It hurts so much I can't stand!" Except we all know it's bullshit because it only ever happens within a few days of her morphine refill. Also, the fact that her doctor recommends exercise and PT really doesn't help her credibility.
It's just so awkward having to tell my own grandmother that she's addicted, that she needs to stop going to the ER for things that aren't actually emergencies, and to actually do what the doctor tells her. It's so awful actually.
"Previous Experience"
GiphyThe guy I lost my virginity to married a friend from high school. That, in of itself, would have been whatever. The awkward part happened when she reached out to me for advice because she was a virgin and was sort of worried about his "previous experience."
She didn't know that previous experience was with me...
After We've Worked An Entire Shift Together
GiphyMy boss makes me come in the room with her as a witness when she writes people up. It's awkward as f^ck because its usually after we've worked an entire shift together. I always make sure to tell them I had no idea and have nothing to do with it.
When Only One Of You Knows It's A Date
GiphyI was a freshman in college and a dude invited me to his place but worded it in a way that made it sound like other people would be there. I arrive in the same outfit I wore to band practice, and the dude opens the door wearing nice clothes. Shirt tucked in and everything. I chill with him, expecting more people would be arriving any minute, and they never do. Eventually a roommate comes out to get water and then goes back to his room. It eventually hits me that the guy is interested in me and this was some weird "date" thing. I was mortified. And in retrospect, it horrifies me that had he had really bad intentions, I willfully walked into a potentially dangerous situation. Luckily his intentions actually were just to chill with me. But I was BEYOND uninterested, and unskilled in the art of leaving places without feeling like I was rude. I think he could tell that I was caught off guard and he felt awkward as well. I mean he was dressed nice and I was in fucking band practice clothes. It was one of the most excruciating nights of my life. We had NOTHING in common and struggled for things to talk about. Cringing as I write this. Ew ew ew ew.
Grandchildren
GiphyWas hanging out with family. It was my 3 older siblings and their spouses as well as my brother who just had his first kid. That made me the only one without children. My mom proceeds to go on about how much she loves grandchildren and that I'm next and that I need to hurry up - while I'm sitting there with my girlfriend.
We had never really discussed kids at this point. I sat there having my family focus on me and ask all sorts of personal questions that I didn't want to be answering in front of everyone. It felt like an interrogation.
Oh, THAT Kind Of Tattoo
GiphyWas working at a hospital ER as a paramedic and was starting an IV on this old lady who had a thick Eastern European accent. I was finishing up and she made a comment on my tattoos on my arms and she said something about her just one tattoo and of course being friendly I asked what she got it of. She looked me in the eyes and said "Well it was something I didn't want to get" and of course I start connecting the dots and she was just about the right age to have been held in a concentration camp. It got real cold in that room all of a sudden. I had no idea what to say
"A Foot And A Half From My Genitals"
GiphyA friend in middle school accidentally kicked me in the balls, and they swelled pretty badly. This resulted in me not being able to walk properly. This worried my mom enough that she had the doc check my junk out.
This wouldn't be so awkward if he hadn't handled my balls and had his face like a foot and a half from my genitals. I was about 14 at the time, and not the "biggest" dude. That's probably the most awkward situation I've ever been in.
Caught Them Both Cheating
I caught my friend and his girlfriend both cheating with other people on separate occasions. I walked in on him and some chubby blonde girl bent over the toilet at a party - his girlfriend is a slim brunette. I walked in on his girlfriend with some black dude while I was visiting the two of them at their apartment. My friend is white and he was at work while his girlfriend was cheating. I promised both of them I wouldn't tell the other since that's not my place and I know their relationship is dysfunctional as f^ck.
The two of them started arguing one day over, surprise surprise, cheating. The both of them somehow caught wind that each other were cheating and they both started screaming at each other over it. I happened to be nearby so they both called me over. My friend said :
"Yo, you know this b!tch is cheating. Tell me who she's been f^cking!"
and she shouted:
"Don't listen to this as$hole. You know he's cheating on me. I know you've caught him before!" then pointed at me.
Neither of them knew that I had caught both of them cheating on each other.
I decided to maintain the middle ground and told them this wasn't my place to speak up. Then I quietly left while they continued to yell at each other. Knowing the two of them, an all out fist fight would have broken out between them so I decided not to say anything. They both ended up cheating on each other 2 more times, found out about both times and are still together for some reason.
Hacking
GiphyWas sent by my boss to some people she knew to help with "internet stuff."
I learned on-site they wanted me to hack into their 13-year-old daughter's Facebook account because they thought she was up to something.
"Just Wheeled Him Over"
GiphyI had to assist a friend of the family's grandfather with going to the bathroom. His daughter just wheeled him over to me and said "he needs to use the restroom" then left.
H/T: Reddit
We all want to think that work ethic just is what it is, but I promise you when you make next-to-nothing it's not enough money for you to chase down a poop-covered man to try and hold him until store security gets there. Yeah, that was personal experience. Nope, I didn't even consider giving chase. Here are some of the best responses - some may have been edited for content or clarity.
Do They Really Pay You So Much?
GiphyI worked at a hardware store in the garden center making close to minimum wage. We often loaded heavy bags of mulch and dirt for customers in their trucks beds and what not.
We were told that we were not allowed to take tips from customers.
So being the good boy that I was, I turned down a couple tips until one day I loaded up a full customer pickup bed and he handed me a $20.
I told him I can't take that, and he looked me dead the eye and said, "Do they really pay you so much you don't need it?"
I stopped being an idiot that day. Why the f*** I let someone pay me so little and tell me I'm not allowed to make more and I listened is just embarrassing now.
Just Clean Up After Yourselves
GiphyUsed to work at a movie theater. No one cares if you bring your own snacks, although it's super aggravating if you leave your snack garbage in the theater instead of taking it out with you. We usually have an hour window where all the theaters are getting out. We tend to have about 10 min per theater to clean on a busy day. Leaving your garbage in your seats makes everything slower. It's not hard to carry it down to the can.
Bathroom Privileges
GiphyUsing the bathroom if you aren't actually a customer. We are the only place open at 3 in the morning. I'm not gonna tell people to go find somewhere else.
Price Check
GiphyIf the item doesn't have a price I let the customer just name it if they're nice. We're suppose to have someone check the price but that usually takes a long ass time as everyone's busy, I save that for as$holes.
Me: "Do you remember how much this was?"
(Situation A)
Customer: "I think it was $x.xx"
Me: "Sounds right." manual price entry
(Situation B)
Customer: "No, I don't, sorry"
Me: "Well, today only it's on sale for 99 cents" manual price entry
(Situation C)
Customer: "Of course not, that's not my responsibility this store is so horrible I don't know why I keep coming here you're all worthless I probably wouldn't be such an ahole if mommy and daddy had told me they'd loved me more I don't have time for this don't you know who I am"
Me:pages "Price Check"
- JayEster
Ketchup
Years back I worked at a local chain restaurant that had a drive-through. One of the owners would occasionally come through and reiterate that we were to only give one ketchup packet out per order of fries at the drive-through. Our fry orders were huge, and one packet was nowhere near enough, so as soon as he was gone, we'd go back to throwing handfuls of ketchup packets into the bags.
Need A Penny, Take A Penny
GiphyI'd carry coins on me when I worked at a fast food joint so if anyone came up to less than a dollar short, I'd cover it for them. I'd feel especially bad declining them if they were with a girlfriend or family or something. I know what it's like to come up short at a fast food place.
Not Enough Cheese
GiphyAt my pizza place we make large pies for slices. Cheese pies only get 14oz of shredded mozz on them but that's not enough cheese to get decent coverage. I'm putting at least another three ounces of cheese on that MFer, ain't nobody getting a s*** slice of cheese pizza on my watch.
Explosive Fitting Rooms
GiphyOne of my jobs as a teenager was working at Marshalls. In case you all weren't aware, but having explosive sh!ts in the changing room is against the rules for EVERYONE. When they tried to get me to put on gloves to clean it up I just stood there and said no. They certainly were not paying me enough to deal with that sh!t... literally.
Why Kick Them When They're Down?
GiphyPeople sleeping in their cars overnight. I consistently work night shifts and see it all the time. We're meant to tap on the window and ask them to leave; but really if someone has to sleep in their car and we have a huge empty carpark, why kick someone while they're down?
- Skorm178
Fluffy
GiphyPeople aren't supposed to bring their dogs into the store yet would walk their dogs on leashes through the store all the time. I'd see it happen, realize I hated my job, pet the dog then go about my business. I didn't get paid enough to get into an argument with some old rich dude about why Fluffy isn't allowed to walk around in the store.
H/T: Reddit
One Reddit user asked:
Redditors who left companies that non-stop talk about their amazing "culture", what was the cringe moment that made you realize you had to get out?
The answers are, honestly, kind of killing our hope that any corporate environment can really be different from the others. Having said that, it's also making us really thankful that we can write this article from our sofa while slamming guac and wearing no pants.
#PantsAreLegPrisons
Some responses have been edited for content/clarity.
Everyone's A Director.
GiphyThey changed the title of the receptionist to "Director of First Impressions."
Working WiFi Was TOO CRAZY
GiphyHad a "wall of crazy" where the CEO wanted to spend 20k on cool and edgy stuff for the office. Staff could make suggestions (Slides, beanbags, napping pods, etc)
Project was scrapped when the top suggestions ended up being:
- Desks
- Chairs
- Working Heating
- Working WiFi
- Health Insurance
Profits Up? Cut Bonuses!
GiphyI'm in management and we just got the message that bonuses for the last financial year were severely cut across the business, probably going to receive 30% of our usual - at best. Then I attended our financial end of year results meeting the next day to be told that net profits were 18% up (nearly 1 billion total) and the best performance in years, all thanks to us.
So even though our profits were way up, the bonuses were cut? Employees who were not upper management would never have that information. Planning on leaving now.
"Work Hard, Play Hard"
GiphyThey had an entire area devoted to foosball, pinball, billiards, console gaming, and videoke booths on the ground floor and it was clearly visible because of the glass windows on street level. Oddly enough, nobody ever used them, and the place was almost always empty save for a few people who use the internet kiosks.
When I learned a friend worked there, I asked why nobody would want to take the opportunity to use the awesome-looking recreational facility, he told me that people who do use the facility often found it used against them during performance evaluations, even when their use wasn't excessive at all. After a while word got around and they started avoiding the place altogether.
The irony is that their recruitment ads always touts a culture of "work hard play hard"
Like A Criminal
GiphyA co-worker was forced to work while her mother was dying in hospice. Mom dies, she quits, they escort her off the premises like a criminal.
"We Were Expected To Sing Along"
GiphyWhen I went to firm drinks in a public bar and the firm's "fun committee" handed out song sheets and a choir of employees lead by a bad guitarist sang a song about how great the firm was to the tune of 'Cause I'm Happy. We were expected to sing along. It was at that moment I realized I was in a cult.
M.O.N.E.Y.
GiphyWe (management team) spent months working with a business coach trying to collectively come up with meaningful core values. We devoted a ton of time to it and really tried to decide which direction we wanted to take the company culture. Everybody agreed on teamwork, reliability, a couple others that I can't remember now, and then one day the owner came in and called a meeting.
He sat us down in the boardroom and told us he spent all weekend brainstorming and had decided on the core values. They were:
Meaningful Ownership Neighbourhood Engagement You
Does anybody see what that spells? He literally wanted it to be money and just came up with words that sort of worked the way you do in elementary school writing your name poem.
He rebranded the entire company from t shirts with giant first letters and smaller letters for the rest of the word straight down the arms, to plagues, wraps on the cars, everything.
And that's when we all knew it was going to get bad.
Money is great, but it was mortifying walking/driving around with that plastered everywhere.
- NSDR1709
Banned From Saying The Word Bathroom
GiphyWhen we couldn't say "bathroom" on the shop floor and instead had to ask a manager for "serenity."
Family Values
GiphyNot me, but my husband worked for two weeks for a "family owned and operated" business that touted how important "family" was and that they were all one happy "family." My husband was on his way to drop our at the time 2 year old son off at daycare before work when son threw up all over himself. Husband called his employer to tell them what happened and that he needed to take son home and clean him up but he'd be in asap.
His manager told him he needed to get his priorities straight. He responded with "You know what? You're right, I won't be back in at all." He was still working part time at his previous job where they had been sad that he was leaving, so he called them and told them to put him back on the schedule full-time. The "family" business is currently in the process of liquidating assets before going out of business and I cackle every time I drive past it.
Shedding Tears For Apple
GiphyI worked for Apple back in their heyday and it was always constant and terrible. But one guy who was an assistant manager (or something like that) took time out during a store meeting to evangelize to us (his words) about how Apple was going to change each of our lives so drastically that we wouldn't recognize ourselves any more. About five minutes in to his proselytizing, the tears began to flow and he openly sobbed about how Apple was the greatest thing on the planet.
He was ultimately let go for being late too many times and had to be escorted from the store out the back door because he was crying and refused to leave his "home."
Locked Out
GiphyI am still working at the company but am job hunting.
It is a school for troubled youth. One of the perks it lists for the students is if they have a good week (no aggression and good attendance) then they get to hang out in the "club house" on Friday afternoons. The "club house" is never used for anything else.
The issue is none of the staff gets breaks other than the bathroom. There is no where to go. We would all love a break room and a place to eat lunch without students. Some students will steal or touch our food while we are trying to eat. It makes sense for the clubhouse to be a space that the teachers can use for breaks as well. But no.
Only two kids ever get to use it and only for 3 hours on Friday.
There is giant tv and xbox and playstation and fridge with snacks, but most of the time is locked and empty. Why can't we teachers use it too?
"Funshine"
GiphyWhen they decided to put the most inept, useless, waste of a human being as the head of the "funshine" club, I knew the place was dog sh!t. The idea was if we got cupcakes once a month we wouldn't want to hang ourselves in the office. Mind you, the dude was the CFO of the company. He just gave himself the title of "Chief Funshine Officer." Ugh.
Not Smiling Enough
GiphyWorked for a hotel, new managers were absolutely determined to create a different "culture" in the workplace. I realized I had to get out when a waitress got pulled aside and berated for about 10 minutes for not smiling enough. What those idiots didn't know, and never gave her the chance to explain, was that the waitress herself had been hospitalized for depression a year earlier, and her Dad died 2 months ago. I handed in my notice as soon as I could.
Poetic Justice
GiphyLate to this party, but I worked for a large foreign exchange at the head office. They hung awards they had won for being the best place to work all over the entrance. They had a really nice automated coffee machine (back when that was rare and expensive). They had a masseuse come in bi weekly.
The boss, however, would openly berate employees. He would sh!t all over me, and yet, I would get massive bonuses for doing a good job. His office was a floor below ours, and we all shared a large office; about 9 people in an office sized for 3. We had one front line support girl who was truly amazing. Super personable, pretty tech savvy, and always wanting to learn new things.
I worked there for 3 months. One day, she gets a call. I can hear his voice booming through the phone from across the office, berating her, and making her cry in front of her coworkers. Later that day, I called around, had an interview over lunch, and went to HR to quit. In 3 months, I had 4 pages of grievances. HR had never seen something that bad. They called previous people that quit and found out it was a pattern. He was fired later, and she was promoted to his job, basically from near the bottom. Poetic justice.
Building Up The Rhythm
GiphyThe CEO was creepy, not in a sleazy way but in a "barely human" kind of way. I'd love to know how these "almost people" types are usually in managerial positions.
This guy was a mixture of new age hippie, actor snob, businessman, arrogant rich bastard and just generally the type of person to use pretentious catchphrases and buzzwords to try to sound intelligent and "with it".
When I met him it was clear he had no clue who I was or what I was doing at the business. He gave me one of those airy "what the f^ck" smiles when we met like he'd never heard of an intern before. It was also clear he barely interacted with staff beyond the once weekly group lunches.
At these lunches, he made staff do presentations about their research on some plan/product he might want to invest in one day. But he'd continually interrupt their presentations with questions, and try to trip them up on their lack of knowledge. He'd also critique their "performance". He'd interrupt to talk about the employee's tone of voice, volume, stage presence and use the moment to brag about his own acting classes. Meanwhile the employees just wants to eat their damn lunch.
He also had these creepy ass introduction videos for newbies where he spoke about the "building up the rhythm of business" or some shit, at one point comparing it to sex which.......................................... ew.
Every morning employees had to stand in a circle and do some sort of action to "build up a rhythm" which was some sort of positive reinforcement motivation crapola. He was never present for these, and it was simply humiliating.
"Vacation"
GiphyWhen I was told that vacations only mean that one works 5-6 hours a day from the location you are vacationing at as opposed to the usual 10-12 hours a day from the office. Um, no.
I was also asked to carry a portable wifi to be able to work out of a hospital, where I was visiting a loved one.
"Optional"
GiphyConference was held in city where I have friends. I decided to have dinner with them rather than attend the optional games night (especially when we just had a mandatory evening activity the night before). I was told to go f^ck myself and my friends. By the boss.
Customers Watching Us Play Musical Chairs
GiphyWorked at a Best Buy and in the morning meetings we had to play stupid games to boost team morale 'culture'. The cringiest moment that made me realize I had to leave was playing musical chairs on a Saturday morning as customers waiting for the store to open were peeking through the windows and watching us.
Pubic Hair And A Ping Pong Table
GiphyWhen my boss undid his pants in the studio to tuck his shirt in exposing his pubic hair. Also when a ping pong table was put up behind my desk for devs to unwind with. The constant noise made me want to cut myself.
"We Can't Provide A 5-Star Product"
GiphyExtended Stay Hotels. Everything they did could go in a corporate horror movie.
Acronyms. Acronyms. More acronyms.
The company has spent the past 10 years whittling away property budgets to almost nothing. The reception computers are 15 years old, important stuff breaks and they won't fix it. One time the front desk printer ran out of ink and the district manager didn't approve a new order for 2 weeks. That's my bosses, bosses, boss in charge of approving our office supplies. They pay the managers nothing, they pay front desk nothing, housekeepers get 25 minutes to clean each room and also get paid nothing. And they have no clue why a housekeeping position opens and they get 0 applications.
The place is staffed to the bare minimum to save money. A 90 room hotel that has 1 person working, come on man.
They give managers bonuses if they spend under certain amounts. I've filled in at hotels that had no dishes, didn't have enough towels and one property that was putting sheets on the beds with cigarette burns because that was all they had.
Before I left my new district manager sent an email out that said "we can't provide a 5 star product but we can provide 5 star service!" That's corporate speak for "we want perfect customer reviews and we want you to do it with no budget!"
The entire company is ran by B-School grads who have never stepped foot in one of the hotels. Most of the initiatives have no chance of working.
Not that they care. All they see is the bottom line.
H/T: Reddit