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For a short time in my life I held a career as a traffic school instructor. I wouldn't teach people to drive, they would come in after a traffic infraction to lessen the fine on their ticket or points on their license. And nine times out of ten... everybody was their for speeding, or a wrong left turn. The answers everyone had for speeding was always comedy gold. Though nobody can top me and my excuse for going 135 in a 50... but I digress; next to me, only the police must have better stories.

Redditor u/CaptainRonny wanted the po-po to tell us a few funny tales by asking.... Police Officers of Reddit, what was the silliest thing you've heard from someone trying to avoid a ticket for speeding?

I get it guys....

Season 23 Episode 10 GIF by South Park Giphy

Not a cop but a buddy of mine is and he likes to tell a story about a guy who flipped his car over on I-75 going through Detroit.

Apparently the guy was wasted, looked like he hadn't bathed in weeks, the car was totaled, there were beer cans strewn all over the highway, and while the various officers who responded were debating over who had to take custody of this wreck of a human being he walked up to them and said "Hey guys, I totally understand if you just want to let me go."

drman321

Just a small 10 officer...

Not a police officer and not my story, but funny....

From the law firm partner who trained me:

Client is driving home from a court hearing 2 hours away with attorney in passenger seat. Gets stopped for doing 10-15 over the limit on freeway. Cop approaches and client opens with:

"Officer, I'm terribly sorry, I was speeding, probably 10 miles over the limit, you can write me a ticket if you need to, but please do it quickly ... you see, I have my attorney in the car and he's charging me $400/hour until I drop him off..."

Cop said it was the best excuse he'd heard in months, told him to slow down, and get home safely, but let them off with no ticket or write-up.

capnjackpiper13

Such a Turd

Not a cop but my crap-moblie broke so was borrowing my mom's Lexus. Cruising along see police lights, look back at speedometer I'm pushing 80 on a road that is normally a 45 so just pull over. Cop finally catches up goes through the whole ordeal paperwork, do you know why I pulled you over?

Etc. Explain that it's my mom's car and I'm not used to something that can get out of its own way and apologize for going so fast. Describe my car to him and he just laughs, says he has seen it around town before and commented on how it was such a turd. Let me go with a verbal warning.

GreaseM0nk3y96

Oh Grandma....

Old Lady Dancing GIF by Mattiel Giphy

My friend's 70-year-old mother got pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. She told the cop she just got breast implants and the doctor advised her against seatbelt use until she healed. Cop let her go.

WhatIfImNamedKaren

I Gotta Pee Yo!

I got pulled over when I was 39 weeks pregnant because I didn't signal while turning into a gas station at 2 am.

I was going to pickup a friend who needed a ride and a place to sleep, but baby shifted and I was 10 seconds away from peeing my pants.

I was already unbuckled and leaving the car.

I yelled at him he could give me any ticket he wanted but I have to pee first as a waddled as fast as I could into the gas station.

When I got back he was just standing there looking awkward, asked if I felt better, told me to remember my signal and left.

Insanityflowsuphill

Thanks, Dad...

Not a cop, but I had one laugh in my face when I was 19 and got caught speeding.

I was doing 75 on the highway at night, in an area that has signs that indicate the speed limit is 70 during the day but 60 at night.

I legitimately didn't know I was speeding because of of this incident when I was a kid... my dad was kind of a speed demon, and I was a snitch of a kid. One night on this same stretch of highway I looked over and saw him driving about 80, and I pointed out that the sign said the speed limit was 60 at night.

My dad told me, not missing a beat, "That rule only applies to 18-wheelers." And I believed him.

10+ years later, this cop pulled me over and pointed out the lower speed limit at night, and I looked him dead in the eye and said, "My dad told me that only applies to trucks?" The cop started laughing. My genuine confusion (and embarrassment) apparently convinced him, though, because he didn't write a ticket.

Thanks, dad.

PressureAwkward

Back off.....

I'm not a cop but I said something stupid to one and actually got out of a ticket.

It was at night on the highway, one lane due to construction and I was going the speed limit. Some butthole decided to tailgate me pretty bad, as in I couldn't even see their headlight. I sped up and they did as well.

By the time construction ended we were going 90-100mph, I tuned of to my exit and Mr butthole was still following me. Slowing down to stop and blue lights light up.

I told him I thought he was just some fool tailgating me or something, I got chewed out and he left. I never got a ticket.

fearthestorm

Haha... got me...

Tom Cruise Smile GIF Giphy

My boyfriend's dad got pulled over once for speeding. The officer said he clocked him going 50mph.

"But officer I was only going 45!!" "Sir this roads limit is 35.."

Needless to say he got a ticket.

FreshlyWateredFern

The Escort

A friend was given court documents that needed to be presented to judge 200 miles away to stop a deportation that night. Not only did he not get a ticket, the police escorted him and contacted the force in the next county so the escort continued until he got there. At one point he couldn't keep up with them because they were driving too fast for him.

ETA thank you for the awards and up votes.

Murka-Lurka

Leaking....

shots fired lol GIF by Jonas Mosesson Giphy

A colleague of mine loved to tell how she was pulled over for speeding. She explained to cop she panicked because she began leaking milk and wanted to get home quick to clean and collect (she just had a baby). Cop had an horrified reaction and let her go.

lniko2

It's not accurate

Was riding with a friend of mine one night on the maiden voyage after he installed a V8 in his Pontiac Fiero Got pulled over and the cop walked up and says " I stopped you because I clocked you doing 76 in a 55"

Buddy says "you should get that radar thing checked, it's not accurate "

Cops says "we calibrate it twice per shift etc etc " Buddy says "no, you don't understand, if it says we were doing 76, it's not working right, cause we were doing just over a hundred"


Cop fell over laughing, said he's been a cop for 17 years and no one has ever argued that they were going faster than he clocked them, and wrote a warning.

I got nabbed for blowing a stop sign, that was in the middle of nowhere and you could see both directions for miles, Cop was upset and says "you're driving an 18 wheeler and just ran that stop sign, what have you got to say for yourself ?"

"All I can say is that it was pretty stupid to run a stop sign in front of you.

Dude wrote me a warning for not lying and saying I didn't run it.

-SnooHabits8041

Lead foot


When I was in Driver Ed 30+ years ago, a cop came to class one day to discuss driving safety. At the end he mentioned some of his favorite excuses for speeding, such as "I'm wearing my heavy shoes today" and "I just left the car wash and drove fast to dry it off."

-3mta3jvq

Jason Bourne


Kind of the opposite, but I once had a cop once pull me over for speeding, and he asked me if I had any decent reason at all why I was speeding. The way he said it, it seemed he didn't really want to give me a ticket.

All of my pre-planned excuses went out the window and I kind of stammered "Uh, no...no good reason." I certainly didn't expect a get out of jail free card (so to speak), so he knocked it down to the minimum and gave me the ticket. He actually seemed disappointed in me, lol.

At the time, I couldn't understand why he was so generous. But I found out later that when my plates got run, it came up that I had a Restricted Carry Permit for firearms. I was an armored car guard at the time and where I live the only people that get those carry permits are guards and trappers, who live way up north. Given that I had the permit, it was obvious to him that I was a somewhat law-abiding citizen, besides driving like Jason Bourne in a car chase. I was let off for speeding all the time when working, but that is a different set of circumstances.

-Throwaway7219017

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