Flirting. Some people are naturally flirty and charismatic, they smoothly enter a conversation then with a shimmy and a wink already have a date. Others...including this writer...have to be intentional about flirting and even then that “sexy wink" turns out more like a facial spasm.
There is help however, following others' experiences and flirting expertise below may just give you the boost you need. Just make sure to use your newfound powers of prowess wisely padawan.
Redditor ABowlOfLentilSoup reached out for all of us who are on the flirtation struggle-bus and asked:
“People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"
The Reddit hivemind came up with some helpful guides for the less flirty.
Mirroring...
“Mirroring body language. This is a tactic employed by people who work in sales and it's not always conscious. This is a psychological disarmament tactic we, as humans, deploy on each other."
“In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking do the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign."
“That's not to say you need to reposition or fidget while interacting; remember, being comfortable and at ease is a way bigger turn-on and ultimately lends itself to a more approachable experience for all parties. After all, 'acting natural' is the penultimate jedi mind trick :)"
“some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others...”
“People will give alot of cues subconsciously, also some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others too. Pay attention to their eye contact with you compared to others, if one has small amount of eye contact with others but alot with you, generally it means theyre comfortable with you."
“Physical contact is usually big for people who arent already touchy, people will generally be more touchy with those they like. When in a group and everyones laughing, people generally look at the one theyre most comfortable with first, or the one they like, could be either or both."
“Action imitation is big, if you think someone is into you, do an action like hands in pocket or something, if they copy, they probably like you, or are paying serious attention to you for some reason. If they laugh at your dumb joke, either they like you, or the joke made them uncomfortable, depends on the situation."
“Playing with hair is one that can mean something to, but some people also just do that alot anyway. Really id say some things can be a good tell more often than not but sometimes those actions can just be them being friendly, unless its blatantly obvious it can be something else, thats why the communication or the risk of asking someone is important."
Get flustered!
“When a person is making relatively sensual physical contact, please, and I mean PLEASE get flustered, or at least mentally flustered. Do not ignore them because you've known them a while. Do not pass it off as jokes, look for some signals. You'll regret not doing so. I've never been oblivious, but G*d d*mn have I missed hints before.”
sweat wtf GIF by AwesomenessTV
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“My advice is to be observant.”
“It really depends on who you're talking to. My advice is to be observant. Some, would prefer banters. Usually , when coming up with something witty, they return back what you said but relating it in a playful or opposing manner (i hope you get what I mean) or playfully challenging your views.”
“When it comes to touch, subtle touch on the arm or shoulders or patting the head and smile. Trying means to be with you is also a sign, but some are a lil more lowkey(like me), that'll probably prefer showing a playful side when it's just alone. So, it is also a sign if they change their aura from normal/serious to playful when it's just you alone. I hope these help.”
A more logical way to look at it.
“Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability. Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not.”
“That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time. If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it.”
“You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting.”
“Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.”
“Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too.”
Its not one size fits all...
“Generally there's no one thing that gives it away. Everyone says to look for eye contact, look at posture, look for mimicry, etc, and sure there's some truth to that but no one should be expected to keep track of all of those things and not everyone exhibits any particular one.”
“In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense.”
“It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence. When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend.”
“If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it.”
“This works because you're showing interest in spending additional time with them (this event would be more enjoyable for me if you where there) and if they like you they will be sure to make it clear that they are saying no to the event, not to you. Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question.”
They're into you...
“Take it from me, we were in a club she wanted to go to, she was checking the girls out and asked which one I liked. I told her the girl with the hair to one side. Now get this, dumb*ss me NOTICED she put her hair to one side, but thought nothing of it."
“I'm sure she sent out more hints and cues, but being a guy with poor self worth, I brushed it all off, there's no way she's in to me. I was so wrong, it took one of her guy friends telling me that she hasn't shut up about me all night to realise that, hang in, she does??"
“Long story short, if you think there's a chance, don't be a dumb*ss and wait for luck to punch you in the face like it did me, take the chance, even if you're convincing yourself she isn't in to you, she probably is!"
Kate Mckinnon Flirt GIF by Saturday Night Live
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This Redditor broke it down into some helpful bullet points.
“A few examples of things that have helped give away someone's feelings for me:
-telling their friends about me
-remembering my schedule or other similar information
-telling me about they're previous interest with striking similarities
-bragging about themselves in ways that would make a potential partner happy ("I give great back massages" or "I cook a mean omelette")
-asking what my plans are at the end of a party/gathering instead of their friends
-looking for or grasping onto shared interests”
Some sound points...
“They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones.”
“They initiate physical contact.They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you).”
A good note to remember from this commenter:
“Do not take these as signs that a worker is interested in you. They literally get paid to seem interested in the concerns of every customer/client. Furthermore, any of these one signs alone is NOT confirmation someone likes you. Everyone flirts differently and some may not even use any of the above.”
“These were simply some traits that came to mind based off my limited experience. I have never been an expert at reading signals (I was always shy), but I think the most important aspect of flirting is demonstrating that you take a keen interest in the other person and want as much one-on-one time to get to know them better as a person.”
“Some people will rush the sexual aspect of dating, at which point their flirtations become more physical and obvious. But for most dating adults, signals are more subtle and revealed through conversation.“
Everyone is different...
“Everybody's social queues are different. Some maybe more extreme than others. So don't take stuff from this thread as the actual truth. Some people are just really friendly.“
Although flirting may not come naturally to all of us, these are some solid tips to get you started. As always friends, remember consent is the sexiest way when you do decide to go for physical contact.
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.