The Best Pickup Lines Of All Time
A Redditor asked: 'what's the best pickup line of all time?'
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!
Cringe!: The All-Time Worst Attempts At Flirting
Reddit user Veetojek asked: 'What was the worst attempt at flirting you have ever seen?'
Not everyone excels in the art of flirting, and who can blame them?
Getting the attention of someone you admire can be nerve-wracking, and your lack of confidence in the heat of the moment can be amplified and make you appear less attractive to the object of your affection.
Curious to hear examples of what to avoid in the pursuit of passion, Redditor Veetojek asked:
"What was the worst attempt at flirting you have ever seen?"
These advances are just genuinely bizarre.
Inept Pupil
"My friend in college started hanging out with 'pick up artists' and decided to demonstrate his prowess to us on the quad. His strat was to approach a girl and ask what she thought he should make for dinner that night (I guess it was supposed to lead to an invitation?) He then very-much-not-confidently approached a girl who was clearly in a hurry and, staring at the ground, delivered the line. The girl glared at him and, with great annoyance, said 'I have no idea! Spaghetti, or something?' And my buddy, still staring at the ground, said 'Oh-oh-ok. Uh, thanks' and shuffled away."
He also “learned” from this group that you’re supposed to touch a girl’s arm every time she laughs to condition her to associate your touch with a release of dopamine or endorphins or something. So I witnessed this several times as well, never done with any subtlety or charisma. He did finally get laid after about eight months of trying but the whole thing seemed creepy to me."
– Dr_broadnoodel
Weird Pitch
"It was me. In sixth grade I wrote a girl’s name on a rock and threw it at her during recess. Apparently they don’t like that 🤷🏻♂️"
– neon_eyeballs
"Did your approach change much from those days with the introduction of pokeballs?"
– OP
Stranger Danger
"On a walk with my dog, hot sweaty and not in the best clothes. This man drove behind me following me for a few minutes and I looked and said can I help you? He said let’s go on a date! Hop in!"
"I said no thanks and he revved his engine, asked if I was sure then sped off. I was legit scared."
– Allieora
These attempts at flirting are straight from a sitcom.
Down The Rabbit Hole
"A man asked a woman sitting next to me, 'I think your name is Alice since I'm lost in Wonderland.'"
– boukaree
"Oof. That made me cringe, imagining it."
– No_Letterhead_7683
Hairy Situation
"Guy on a trip saw a new girl in our group that he found cute. Decided to take the insult-as-a-form-of-flirting path and told her she had really hairy arms for a girl. Mind you, she had incredibly fair skin, so her hairs stood out more than usual. She, having too nice of a personality to say anything, laughed it off, covered her arm in a real smooth manner, and went on with whatever conversation was happening. My guy thought it worked because it 'made her laugh;' and you know you've got the green light when she laughs at your jokes. The next day he goes up to her during breakfast thinking he locked it up and exclaims, 'Oh my god your arms are so hairy that it's gonna make me sick!!' She doesn't laugh this time, runs back to her room, and changes into a long-sleeve shirt. She proceeded to wear long-sleeve shirts or sweaters for the remainder of the trip...in the middle of July. They didn't have a single interaction for the remaining 4 days."
– TYRONEmonies
Fumbling For Words
"My own. Drunk at a party talking to a cute girl she takes her glasses off. I thought this would be a good time for a genuine compliment. What my mouth said 'I like your face better with your glasses on' she just laughed. Pretty sure what I was trying to say is I like your glasses, and you have a pretty face. I just combined them."
– HooterEnthusiast
Clumsy Gymnast
"When I was in 3rd grade I had a crush on my babysitter."
"I decided to impress her by demonstrating my acrobatic prowess. I sprung from the side of a spiral slide and grabbed the monkey bars without touching the ground. Unfortunately, my hands slipped, I flipped through the air, and shattered my wrist in two places upon landing."
"My first thought was, 'Don't cry; be tough.' then I saw my wrist, it looked like a sine wave. I immediately started crying."
– ANerdCalledMike
Some guys come on way too strong
Hey, Barkeep!
"I saw two girls talking at a bar, and this guy walks up and interrupts them with a 'Heheheyyy, what are you ladies drinkin tonight eh? (Slaps the bar) Hey Barkeep, lemme get a couple rounds for these two!' They of course took the drinks, but promptly relocated away from that obnoxious dude."
– Xdude199
Bye, Scooter
"When I was younger I worked in a bar with a guy nicknamed 'Scooter.'"
"He'd say to any girl that was alone at the bar, 'Hi! My name is Scooter. I like to f'k. How do you like me so far?'"
"Some would glare and walk away, and a couple of times he got slapped across the face...but eventually he'd get a giggle."
"And he never went home alone."
– PJMurphy
Scene From A Gas Station
"When I was working at a gas station I had a dude just walk up to the register and just go ‘hey you have a boyfriend’"
"Of course he didn’t take ‘I’m not interested’ for an answer after. My assistant manager had to all put shove him out the door to get him to leave."
– SilverSoulFox
Daddy Cringey
"I worked in retail for a long time."
"I’ll never forget the time when this late 50s looking guy blatantly cat called an older woman who was wearing black boots. He said, 'Damn baby you gonna wear those boots all day for daddy?'. Then she goes, 'Not a chance.' He went quiet and she walked away. I had to hold in my laughter cause it was just so cringey to see."
– xSevusxBean4y
Either one's advances can come off as presumptuous and cocky or vulnerable and meek.
In most cases, people looking for love are overthinking it.
Here's a tip: Just relax and be yourself when approaching someone you like.
Being natural will not make you look desperate.
While there are no guarantees in scoring a date with this approach, chances are that with practice, you'll gain more confidence without overdoing it.
Men and women and talking and flirting.
What a disaster that can be.
It's especially tricky when men flirt with women who are into women.
It sounds like a lot of gents can't take that obvious hint.
How this is STILL an issue in 2023 is beyond us all.
But here we are.
Gentlemen, please sit and read the following.
And then read it again.
Then share with your friends and male family.
A deleted Redditor wanted to hear about the ways straight men couldn't take a hint, so they asked:
"Lesbians of Reddit, what’s the most ridiculous thing a straight guy told you to talk you into having sex with them?"
How Patriotic
"I had a guy try to entice me with his weed. He literally pulled out the American flag bong with the grinder that looked like ammunition. Honestly left me kinda speechless."
xSwishyy
A Transplant
"Didn't go as far as sex but was definitely the most ridiculous thing a straight guy has said to me so far. I was trying to check out at the store when the 60-something y/o cashier started flirting with me, asking if I had a boyfriend, etc. When he asked why I didn't I told him I'm a lesbian and he said 'I actually have a female kidney from my transplant a couple years ago so we wouldn't have a problem together.'"
BestiesWithBaphomet
Me Too!
"The opposite - a very drunk man approached me on a station platform and asked me out. I awkwardly replied, 'Sorry, I’m gay.' He said, 'You like women??' and I nodded, bracing for homophobia… but instead he just excitedly exclaimed 'ME TOO!!!' and shook my hand. Then he left me alone. It was an extremely funny and non-threatening interaction and I think fondly of him from time to time."
orangepigeon
Let's Dance
"My brother was absolutely refusing to take no for an answer when asking [my friend] to prom. I think my brother asked my friend to prom like 5 times before they just started ignoring him. I also told off my brother cause my friend is open about being a lesbian and told him that they were a lesbian. Something about not having a lesbian somehow makes guys angry because they can't take no for an answer."
pumpkinthighs
Can men really be this off?
Oh the Drama
Feeling It Drama Club GIF by NickelodeonGiphy"He said that I had no idea what it's like to be the single straight guy who tries to find (sex) love. And it's cruel for me to not give him even a chance to be romantic with me. And I don't have a good reason to say no because he is good-looking and earns more money than I do lol."
Original-Pineapple18
DIBS
"This guy was one of my closer friends at the time, and SOLIDLY friend-zoned. We’d established countless times over the last year that we weren’t into each other, I was lesbian, and that even if I weren’t he wouldn’t go for me, yada yada. We’d talked about things that I would NOT have discussed if I knew he would ever be into me."
"Well lo and behold, one day I realize I’m questioning whether I’m bisexual or not due to a mutual friend. I bring it up to him in a state of real vulnerability, cuz I thought I’d had everything figured out before this, but wanted my friend’s input on if it was a good idea to bring it up to hot-dude directly."
"This grown-a** man told me HE HAD DIBS. D I B S."
Kazooasaurus
Preferences
"Not a lesbian, but I’m bi with a pretty strong preference for women. Probably THE most common response from guys when I say I’m not interested in 'Really? I dunno, you don’t look like you date girls.' I never know how to respond. Do they expect me to suddenly realize I’m NOT into women? Do they think questioning my preferences is endearing or sexy??"
Individual_Ad_7523
So Sexy
Ryan Reynolds GIF by CBCGiphy"Always the standard idea of they think their penis is magical and can 'turn' me. Uh, no. Also, have had more than a few guys say 'You're too attractive' to be a lesbian. They actually think it's a compliment. Oof."
Goody2Shuuz
Listen to someone's boundaries when they tell you, gentleman!
It's really that simple.
Does anyone have any similar stories? Let us know in the comments below.
One of life's greatest turn-ons is a person who knows how to flirt.
You throw in some charm. Some wit. Some sex appeal... and BAM. Instant love connection.
It's almost an art form.
Unfortunately, far too many people have missed this memo.
A good flirt should make one quiver, not shake in fear.
There is more than one way to ruin a flirty moment.
Redditor grayspot94 wanted to hear cringe stories about the ways to NOT try and seduce someone, so they asked:
"What's the worst way someone tried to flirt with you/turn you on?"
The amount of stories I could tell y'all from my NYC club days.
We don't have the time.
A What?
Best Friends GIFGiphy"One time at a house party a girl whispered in my ear 'Have you ever licked a caterpillar?' Then tried to get me to come home with her. I never figured out what that innuendo was supposed to mean 😅."
Much-Audience-5800
Oh Nuts
"Kissed me out of the blue. Not a bad thing in and of itself, I was into her, she was into me, and she knew how shy I was so she made the first move. The issue was that shortly before she kissed me, she had eaten a Snickers bar. I'm allergic to peanuts."
Local64bithero
"His lips, tongue, and whatever else she lobbered on quickly turned an ugly mottled red and swelled up until he couldn't talk, which means he couldn't even tell her what was wrong, as he desperately sought medical attention. Oh, sweet memories of young love."
StrawberryGasoline
It's YOU!
"I (M) went out to dinner with a group of friends. One girl said to the whole table "I'm waiting for the man I love to realize that the love of his life is sitting directly in front of him. She was sitting directly in front of me."
"Yes, everyone at the table realized what she meant and got very uncomfortable with her. Myself included."
"Backstory: She directly asked me out a few weeks earlier but I told her that I don't like her that way. Nevertheless, she persisted (and got rejected again)."
EponymousTitular
A Bad Setting
Taye Diggs Wow GIF by BounceGiphy"I had a woman hit on me at an STD testing clinic. I definitely respect the game, but I was there to get tested because I had just gone exclusive with someone and wanted to get checked up before we stopped using condoms."
Turdsworth
"Imagine the pick-up line for meeting someone at an STD clinic: 'Do you come here often?'"
Lvcivs2311
Read the room people.
Not just the people in it... the ACTUAL room!
Swing or Duck
Ronda Rousey Fighting GIF by WWEGiphy"Hosted a party in college with some friends, a girl that was trying to talk to me wanted to prove how strong she was and how good she was at boxing."
"Threw a mean haymaker right across my jaw. I randomly met up with her two years later at another random party. She introduced me to her friends as 'the cute guy I punched in the face.'"
"Just to clarify, it wasn’t a malicious act. She asked if she could show how strong she was by punching me and I said 'yes' not paying attention to what she was asking."
EBeast99
Weeks Gone By
"Borrowed my iPod and returned it. I put it in my desk drawer and forgot about it. She got real cold and distant and I just let it go. About 6 weeks later I saw the iPod in the drawer, charged it up, turned it on, and found she had left nude photos of herself."
Appropriate-Battle32
"I feel like people aren't appreciating how labor-intensive that was. She had to take the picture with a separate device. Upload them to a computer. download iTunes, and update java. Upload those pictures to the iPod."
Mnstrzero00
Don't Knock on My Door...
"My neighbor recently knocked on my door at around 10 pm to drunkenly tell me I was the pinnacle of masculinity because I leave for work at 7 30 every morning. Said she woke up to the sounds of me leaving and she is 'kind of in love with [me].'"
"Then she asked if she could kiss me, I said no, and she went ahead and tried anyway. Then she got all upset when I pulled back from her. There were tears."
"Spent the whole conversation, trying to figure out how to remove a person from my doorway."
"Context - I only speak to this woman roughly once a year when she appears at my door drunk, though usually she just asks my name for half an hour. Or asks if I am gay."
Ahrtimmer
But Who Hates Tapas?
Sassy Finger GIF by ProfeBGiphy"As I yawned with my eyes closed, as one does, he placed his index finger inside my mouth. At a dinner party, with several other people at the table."
Even_Accident9224
Oh my word.
Who raised these people?
Even wolves have better romantic etiquette.
Flirtation can be a very confusing sport.
On you one hand, you want to get the attention of someone you're keen on getting to know better romantically.
On the other hand, you don't want to come off as a stalker and creepy.
Sometimes, your friendliness can also be interpreted as a come-on.
Subtlety is key, but then you don't want to send mixed messages either.
What's the right balance when it comes to sending the right signal to someone–whether it's being friendly or if you're on the prowl to find love?
The truth is, there's no handbook on how to successfully get someone's attention without them knowing your true intentions.
Curious to explore this from one gender's perspective, Redditor Bright-Dig-6665 asked:
"Guys, how do we know if you are flirting or just being friendly?"
So far, things are not off to a great start.
Getting Nowhere
"If it makes you feel better we have no clue either."
– Axeman1721
"So I'm confused, you're confused."
– OP
Just Having A Good Time
"Sometimes I'll just be interacting with girls and i find out later they took it as flirting. Like, I'm just making jokes and having a good time. I'm not trying to put out interest or anything."
– Funkeysismychildhood
Blockbuster Date
"The only time I've successfully 'picked up' a woman at work was entirely by accident."
"Back in the old days the only way to watch Battlestar Galactica was to rent it from a physical location, and they had a limit on how many DVDs you could rent at once. So I would go there every other day to rent the next episodes and binge them ASAP."
"The woman that worked there assumed I was just making an excuse to see her and gave me her number. She was definitely cute and we dated for a couple months, but I genuinely was just going in for battlestar Galactica and was too sleep-deprived and hyper-focused on the next episodes to even notice she was there until she started chatting me up."
– TheDrunkenMisandrist
Blunt Truth
"Man... I told a guy that I found him attractive the other day."
"Still no response, so I guess just saying it straight up doesn't work either 🙃"
– DecadeOfLurking
These gentlemen had no desire to get together with the ladies mentioned, yet, signals were misinterpreted.
Nervous Energy
"This happens quite a lot."
"When you are 'focused' on a woman, you often get nervous, you blush, you can't find the right words … while when you are not interested, you are funnier, more relaxed – therefore also more desirable by most potential partners."
– koi88
The Very First Time
"Lost my virginity in a similar 'by accident' fashion. First month of college, and I was staying after lectures at campus and studying with her. It was fun, and she was helpful. We sometimes had a beer or went for a walk round the campus for a break, but my only thought was that we had a good time and were productive. Next thing I know, we are kissing and going to her place. After the fact, some friends in class were saying that it was obvious that I was staying longer at campus just for her, but I honestly just wanted to get ahead at studies."
– Tommer53
Going Nowhere Fast
"I remember I had a girl who was just a supremely good friend one time. I loved talking to her because at the time she was one of the only girls I’d ever met who seemed to just genuinely enjoy my sense of humor. I could say whatever dumb thing that popped into my head and she would just die laughing. Never thought anything of it until about a year into the friendship she asked me if I was flirting with her. I told her I didn’t think so, but it completely changed the way I looked at our interactions together from that point on. After that I moved to a different part of the country but we kept talking like normal. Only now instead of a fun friendly banter it became an agonizingly slow build up of sexual tension.."
"To answer your question we have no f'king clue what we’re doing 99% of the time."
– sempercardinal57
Finally, some vague insight.
It's A Thin Line
"We're confused before, during and after it's happening too. I try and be friendly and polite with everyone and occasionally they will be attractive."
"I think it's only flirting if the woman starts it. Cause otherwise, for me at least it's far too thin a line between flirting and being a creep to a woman who's just having a conversation with a dude."
"Also, I personally suck at receiving signals so unless the flirting is comically animated I won't know what's going on."
– Elementium
Depends On Dating Status
"If we have a gf, it's probably not flirting. If we don't have a gf, it's probably flirting."
"Or in my case with my mates, we'll say the most sexual sh*t to each other as a joke with no sexual tension."
"So it's like asking, what flavour is a neutron star. Good luck."
– CrustyJuggIerz
All About Context
"I would say that the line between 'flirting' and not flirting is very blurred. Like there is context where youre definetly not flirting and context where youre definetly flirting. But there is also context where you arent really flirting but actually you kinda are."
"Like when you talk to the cute cashier, but you only talk about how you wanna pay in cash, but you make a small joke about it to make her smile. Thats kinda flirting, but is it really flirting? Lmao"
– notAgainFFS01
Be An Observer
"Compare how they act when they are around someone of opposite sex."
"I’m way more smiley and energetic when I’m chatting with someone I’m interested in."
– AtomicBlastCandy
I teed off a number of girls back in college, before I was out of the closet.
They mistook my friendliness for flirting.
I guess when you have amorous feelings for someone, you see what they want to see in the hopes of manifesting mutual admiration.
When that doesn't happen, resentment sets in.
It was very confusing when I was still figuring out my sexuality and having some of my closest female friends giving me the cold shoulder or losing touch with me altogether, all because I didn't respond in a way they were hoping.
My point is, I still have no clue how anyone can tell if I'm flirting or being friendly when I'm around them. No wonder I've become an introvert after so much social confusion post-college.