Sex is an important part of life.
That is just a fact.
But sex is also about connection and intimacy.
So it's not a surprise when many relationships take a hit after the sex dries up.
It's not something to ignore.
It's the biggest problem in the world, but partners should discuss it.
Redditor ItsyBitsyJoxy wanted to hear about reasons to stick around with a partner when there is no sexy time. They asked:
"Would you be in a sexless relationship? What circumstance would you find acceptable for this?"
Sex is fun. And when the sex stopped in my relationships... so did the fun. But that is just me.
A Certain EraVery Funny Oops GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy
"I'm over 80."
"There’s a lot of people that are going to be real shocked once they hit their 70s."
"Our second child has ruined her sex drive. Intimacy is still there but extremely infrequently. I've learned how much that intimacy brings to the relationship, it feels very lonely and although I know it's not her fault, it can still make you feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty lonely too if you go from a romantic relationship to borderline platonic one. You can't help wonder how much is body changes and how much is you."
"I had rectal cancer and because of the surgery I can no longer get an erection, it's very lonely."
"Not sure if one exists, but a site to just make friends to be cuddle buddies, or whatever, should exist for people like you & me. I lost my sex drive & would like a relationship for that occasionally."
"In my case, it's not wanting to see someone very often, as well as the lack of sex drive, that I think would make it difficult. I also don't like people over to my home as it's too small for a couch & we'd be hanging out on my bed, which is weird to me."
"I'm in one now. My husband had a stroke... no sex is not the big problem for either one of us."
"This comment brings a lot of perspective. My gut reaction to this question was no. Sex was and still is pretty significant in my relationship with my wife. We’re in our 30’s and have been together over a decade. But if something happened to her and it was no longer an option? I would never leave her and love her too damned much to imagine it, no matter how much we love sex."
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"I have a near sexless marriage. The love is strong, but the desire is one-sided. That hurts."
Sexless over loveless is definitely easier. So there is that.
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"I am happily married to my good lady for decades and decades. There are times when it has been sexless for whatever reason but never has it been loveless.I wouldn’t have lasted 2 days in a loveless relationship."
You play the cards you are dealt
"I’m dating a man who got diagnosed with prostate cancer a year or so into our relationship. Prostate had to come out and it’s a hit or miss whether or not sexual function comes back. In his case, it was a miss. He wanted me to move on because he got very depressed over it."
"He’s so pleasant and a real decent human being so I stayed with him. Who would abandon someone due to a health crisis? Unfortunately he got bladder cancer next so this is another hurdle to go over. You play the cards you are dealt. We are together in this."
"The reasons for the 'sexlessness' and the depth of the relationship are key factors. My wife got breast cancer at 40 and while she lived another 8 years, the chemotherapy nullified her libido and made intercourse impossible. And yet I dearly wish we could have grown old together whether or not this would have changed. But that’s completely different from cohabiting a loveless marriage or even facing such a situation in one’s youth only a few years after marriage. That would be hard."
"A sexless relationship is better than a loveless relationship, as long as I'm loved and we share physical affection like cuddling and kisses and I'm allowed to beat my meat when I need too I wouldn't care. Just a heads up to all the people who take this personally enough to comment how wrong I am."
"There's no such thing as a wrong option, my opinion is in regards to myself and myself alone I'm not answering for anyone else. Different opinions aren't wrong... OP asked a question to be answered from your own point of view..so there's no reason to call anyone else wrong... it's about you, answer for YOU I've answered for me."
Love is there...Checking In I Love You GIF by Seize the AwkwardGiphy
"I'm in one. Not happy about it, but love is still there so that's nice."
"Same. Maybe had it once in the last 12 years. Finally decided to go to couples/sex therapy this year. Not sure it is helping, but at least I finally brought up that I wanted to try something. My wife is my best friend and I love here with every fiber, just wish there was more intimacy there."
it never happens...
"We haven't had sex in five months due to numerous reasons. Never have alone time with my mom and daughter here. We're both too tired. Our bed we have sex on is where my mom is sleeping. Our waterbed is difficult to use. We always say next weekend and it never happens. We're still going strong though. We love each other and that's what matters."
Well I guess some people can make it work. More power to you.
The past year has dealt all of humanity a crushing blow, and we are still dealing with the aftermath.
Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor jellybeans1987 asked:
"What do you think is the most serious issue in today's society?"
The internet has become a vast resource of knowledge and convenience. But does too much of a good thing lend itself to more issues?
Social Media Activity
"All the digital algorithms reward whatever induces the strongest emotions in you. Not whats true or accurate or important to know. Just what makes you angry or scared or self righteous etc etc."
Becoming Numb To Real Issues
"Social media f'ked up a whole generation of kids also politics have ruined our country(USA) the distance a person will go to defend their 'side' resulted in no longer seeing right/wrong ie climate change or getting a simple vaccine/wearing a mask just my opinion tho don’t get mad at me anyone."
Tell Us How We Feel
"The sheer amount of emotional manipulation we deal with on a day to day basis. Advertisements are everywhere and tell us we aren't good enough, the news media we're inundated with wants us scared and angry, and algorithms want to reinforce all of that."
Who Can We Trust?
"fake news media going rampant and social media has too much power on censoring what people can say or read."
These problems, if left ignored, can consume us all.
"We are eating poison by design. Specifically sugar. It's made me think that even the medical industry is behind it which sounds crazy and offensive to people who dedicate their lives to helping others."
"I had a relative in the hospital and they were feeding him food where the first ingredient was water, second was corn syrup. He kept getting worse and worse until I had to step in and tell him he's being poisoned."
"All the doctors basically either rolled their eyes or shrugged. They told him he would have to start insulin. I started bringing in meals for him and he got much better and is out now. The whole thing seemed pretty predatory to me."
A Looming Disaster
"The current mass extinction event, and the fact that intergovernmental policies such as the UN focus more on mitigating the extinctions without disturbing the current political status quo, rather than focusing on stopping the mass extinctions."
"But it's an incredibly complicated and interconnected problem to solve, take pesticides for example. What could we possibly do? Tell farmers in developing nations that they are no longer allowed to use chemical pesticides?"
"Add in other factors, from climate change and greenhouse gases to light pollution and habitat degradation, and you have a wicked problem with no clear solution. The UN couldn't possibly solve all that. In addition, incredibly powerful corporations are lobbying left and right to keep themselves in positions of power, at the cost of the environment. They are cartoonishly evil."
Too Many Of Us
"This is driving climate change, which has the potential to lower oxygen at a fast enough rate to kill everyone before we can adapt."
These are attitudes and behavior that are the root of many problems.
"We have somehow become a society where the intelligent and informed people are silenced, for fear of offending the stupid and the ignorant."
"And the worst part? There is no reason for this. We have a public education system, and public library systems, where you can learn whatever you want, at your own speed, at NO COST."
"Greed and how it drives so many people in such high possitions of power and wealth."
A Growing Rift
"The general division between people. In the decades prior, at least in my eyes, you could have a conversation with someone on a touchy subject without being overly judged on having a differing opinion."
"But as of late, more and more has it become an 'US vs THEM' mentality and such conversations are frowned upon, called to be canceled, or down right ignored. And whilst I do like to imagine its just the loud minority who just want to shut down the others, it unfortunately creates this air of 'no conversation can be had.' 'You're either against us, or with us, there is no middle ground, that is our terms which you must agree to!'"
"It all seems so.. pointless, the division but alot of people from both sides now would rather be 'listened to' rather than listen themselves."
Out of many concerns I have living in today's society, I find that people are less inclined to really listen to others.
We're so quick to dismiss individuals whose beliefs contradict our own. People have become so defensive, they started tuning out the other person.
Shutting someone down only fuels anger and consequently leads to a further disconnect.
We all don't have to agree with one another, but we can start by understanding where the other is coming from.
Because without that level of compassion, by dignifying the other person with an opposing opinion by listening to them, meaningful conversations that could potentially lead to change cannot exist.
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Despite the toxic stereotype of an unfeeling, “tough guy" persona, men face feelings of loneliness, depression, and other serious issues as well. Unfortunately, not enough people are willing to discuss these sensitive topics as society has put so much pressure on men to hold these things in.
Sadly, although men often experience more life-threatening depression than women they often untreated or hold it in due to stigma. Something we should all be working to break down.
One Redditor wanted to bring to light some of the issues men are facing today that often go unnoticed.
“What are some men's issues that are overlooked?"
Something that everyone can benefit from sometimes...
“It took until I was 33, married and a new dad to see a counselor. If you're still on your parents health insurance it may be covered in some form. I could never talk to my parents. Some people just don't know how to listen. But getting perspective from someone who can and is trained to listen is INVALUABLE. HMU if you ever want to chat about sh*t.” Katarzzle
ED can take a big toll...
“Erectile dysfunction. It seems like a joke, but guys literally kill them selves because of it. It's like losing the ability to love, losing your manhood, losing your ability to feel intimate with someone.” Snowfreak2507
“That sh*t just isn't sustainable for some people."Tired King Of Queens GIF by TV LandGiphy
“I'm late to the party so this will get lost, but in my experience it feels like dudes are expected to work 70+ hour weeks and be proud of it, or else they're lazy. Like, nah. I'm going to be working at least 65 hours next week between two jobs (which is plenty) and that includes both daytime and overnight shifts."
“If I complain for even a sentence though, I'm going to be sh*t talked by the crew when they think I can't hear them. I'm tired. I like doing things that aren't work. That sh*t just isn't sustainable for some people." SkipperDaglessMD
Good intentions take too far...
“So I'm at the park playing tag with these kids I'm babysitting and out of nowhere this old lady comes up to me and starts asking all sorts of questions. Do you know these kids? What are there names? Can you call their parents for me? Even asking the kids if they knew me and when they answered yes, she responded with ‘you don't have to lie, if you don't know this man, you can tell me and I can help you.’” WalkingOnCoffee
“The worst part is nobody really talks about it...”
“Male pattern baldness and the impact it can have on mental health and body image. Imagine being in college surrounded by guys with perfect NW1 hairlines with all these cool fades and modern trendy hairstyles while you're stuck looking like Moby or Varys from GOT. Brutal. The worst part is nobody really talks about it, it's a very hidden and taboo issue that many men go though but society refuses to truly address, so they are forced to suffer in silence.” ImpSong
“Insecurity in general. You're not supposed to show that you have doubts or worries about your abilities or self-image. A man is supposed to be confident, able, and self-assured. It's not okay for men to admit that they lack self-esteem, or that they have genuine problems with their self-image, as they are seen as weaknesses in and of themselves."
“Other men or women aren't going to 'bring you up'. They won't provide emotional support and tell you it's okay to be unconfident or to feel shame about who you are - they will simply expect that you should take it on the chin. Not everyone can be 'that' guy. But, for a man, what actually makes you feel like a man is being that guy."
“So you kind of walk around pretending that you're happy, despite the fact that you're not seen as valuable or as desirable as other men - because in doing so, you would be seen as even less valuable or desirable. F**k. I've never really been able to put that feeling into words before, but that felt insanely good to get off my chest." OnePrettyFlyWhiteGuy
“Isolation. Many men have no friends. More so, they don't know how to find meaningful friendships, it's incredibly difficult to know where to even begin, moreso if you're not in college or school.”
“I'm 24, almost 25 and never had an emotional outlet. I don't even know what that looks like in a healthy sense. The first relationship I had, I believe I ruined because I put too much of what I had been carrying for so long on that person, as patient and as caring as they were.” NLY96
Loneliness wasn't helped with the pandemic...
“Crushing, black, empty, cold, never-ending, screaming-into-the-void loneliness and everyone's casual shrug when I even hint about it. Just work, pay taxes, walk the dog, keep your mouth shut, don't have feelings, don't be short, try to keep up appearances of virility, and never, ever, whatever you do, don't let anyone know how lonely you are because they'll just sort of awkwardly giggle and change the subject.” Doomstaar
“men are defined by what they do and not by who they are...”
“In western culture, men are defined by what they do and not by who they are (being). So, when they retire they often develop mental illness because they are no longer ‘doing’. this often leads to suicide. Then there's the whole nonsense of the stoic emotionless man getting on with the work.” tanktametet-pwemskan
“The fact that people ridicule and laugh at you for having depression is something we ALL need to talk about. It isn't funny. Depression is real and the fact that so many are choosing to keep it within is simply disturbing.” sroth3839
People Share The Dumbest Purchases They Have Ever Made | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
It effects many men too...
“Eating disorders. I'm a female sports coach who researched this topic as part of a sports medicine class. The stereotype is that eating disorders involve girls and that's where most of the research goes."
“Men suffer rapidly increasing rates of eating disorders, especially bulimia. It's becoming horribly common among athletes in particular, and has gotten worse with the advent of skinny male models." Disastrous-Shallot26
“Often times ‘bodyshaming’ is quite the issue. Not being well worked out or physically strong is often seen as a sign of weakness and no self-control.” doriiian
“Parental Duty / Just a babysitter. As a father of 3, I take a very active part in my kids life - I'm now separated and divorcing from my Ex, and am the primary parent (they live with me 95% of the time)."
“The reaction that this gets is one of amazement or incredulity that as a man, I'm unable to be a sole single parent. I get that it's not the standard, but it's not exactly rare nowadays, but the responses I get are ones of pity for my kids that 'they only have a dad'."
“I'm not knocking single mums in this by the way, I KNOW how hard it, but society accept single mums as a perfectly valid family choice, single dads are seen as bumbling and incapable of looking after their own kids - this goes into normal family life as well, where dads are seen the same - incapable of caring for a child, and just there as a baby sitter."
“Even during a normal relationship, I was constantly jokingly referred to as the Baby Sitter, and not seen on an equal footing to their Mother. This kind of adds to the Mental Health issue, and the other issues around not talking about real problems to other men." No_Film_2086
Sometimes people really are just having a conversation...
“Can't talk to a female without being suspected of trying to somehow get with them. Being fully serious here, as I've held conversations with women before and then had someone smirking at me and being like, ‘Yo dawg, you trying to hit that...’ and when I say no, they refuse to believe me.”
“Um, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm trying to screw every living female... at least not anymore. A few years ago perhaps, but if a guy says he's not trying to ‘tap that,’ then he might be telling you the truth, so accept it.” Fangs_McWolf
“For me, it's the social dilemma of men having to be manly and not show any feelings. It kinda sucks when you can't do things you wanna do because people expect you to be some kind of macho man ladies boy, when they expect you to do sports, to do manly sh*t like going to the army and all you really wanna do is buckle down, read some books and listen to lofi music, it sucks."
“Another thing is the fact that crying i seen as not manly and you can't be vulnerable. I want to cry when my favorite anime character dies, I want to cry when something bad happens, I hate having to hold back my feelings in fear of judgments." aaerty
“I have seen many men self sabotage...”
“Honestly the biggest issue with men in general is self sabotage. Sometimes when you have issues you want to walk the line. Sometimes you want to cross it even if you know it comes with the consequences that you don't like going through but in the moment for a second the imagination can take you elsewhere.”
“This is where self dominion comes in handy and I bet a lot of older men will not feel the same self sabotage as I do. I have learned through out the years that if you have the little things in check then you can focus your energy on your priorities.”
“When you realize that something's can be measured by percentages and you realize the difference between taking a chance and self sabotaging yourself, then you can make investments or give or take opportunities. However I have seen many men self sabotage their relationships on purpose.“ CheezeGweeze
Body count shouldn't matter...
“This is an interesting one I've noticed: getting harassed for not being with a lot of women. A lot of girls talk about how it's toxic masculinity that guys are just constantly trying to have sex and ‘showing off’ their numbers. However, it's those same girls who will make jokes like ‘he's probably still a virgin’, ‘look at that guy, he prolly never gets any’, ‘no wonder he never gets laid’. Etc etc”
“I can't tell you how many of my guy friends have broken down because of how much they get harassed for being a virgin, or only having been with a couple people, and more. It's an interesting thing I've noticed that as a society, one way we make fun of men is by saying they're not able to attract women.” fm2816
It is gross and not remotely ok...
“I know I'm way late for this but Grooming. Young boys and men being groomed by older women and then taken advantage of and thinking it's fine because so many other men are like 'he probably enjoyed it!', 'Who wouldn't hook up with their teacher they had the hots for?!'"
“Like no. I don't care if the young boy 'flirted' with an older woman and 'started it' nope. Women who do this are Predators and get glossed over so so often and its gross." ErinnShannon
No one should have to feel like they must suffer by themselves. If you need to talk to someone or reach out call the 24hr hotline for mental health and substance use at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
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Having the gift of sight is something so many of us take for granted. There are so many people who would kill to have unobstructed vision. To have any vision at all instead is of course a blessing, but one vision issue in particular can be at the very least, distracting. Colorblind people can see, so that 's a huge plus but that plus comes with baggage. I've actually never met a colorblind but I've heard about the day to day trials. It must be maddening not being able to see what others are seeing when they're standing right next to you.Redditor u/GasparThePrince was hoping those with afflicted vision would be willing to share some of their daily tribulations by asking... Colorblind people of Reddit, what is one of the most unexpected problems related to colour you face often?
I didn't realize that sports teams were doing so much fiddling with their uniforms and colors. When I played sports it was the same colors, same pattern, no matter where the games were played. Maybe the major sports leagues should get together and vote on keeping it all simple. Less is more.
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The football (soccer) team I support now occasionally wears a colour I can't really distinguish from the bloody pitch. So, I now watch 11 players from an opposing team walk about with ghosts as a show of support.
It's all Wrong
Watching the NBA after they stopped forcing teams to wear white at home. It's a confusing mess most of the time.
Lakers used to wear gold at home, purple on the road, white on Sunday. How complicated is that? Now you turn on the TV and sometimes it looks like the Lakers aren't even out there then you realize it's freaking Wednesday and they're wearing the Sunday uniform. Aggravating to say the least!
I love to shop and try on as many clothes as possible. I love to get lost in a vast array of colors and shades. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to not be able to able to match without assistance. How does it not take away so much of the fun of shopping? Clothing is an essential part of life for almost everyone, it would suck to have it all feel like more of a chore.
Shopping for clothes... I'm not severely colorblind, but have issues with things like purple from some shades of blue, dark greens from browns, teal from grey, things like that. So I hate when clothing store tags or website color options either have number codes for color or non-descriptive names for colors. Olive Green on a sweater is great. Pine Tree and I'll figure it out. Misty Hike and I am lost. Same with 091.
Mix & Match
Trying to pick outfits or matching clothes for my kids. Thankfully my daughter helps me get clothes for her little brother when my wife isn't around. It's also very difficult (read: impossible) for me to safely do electrical work.
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On my stepdads behalf, I'll say that he doesn't know that the kitchen utensils are all pink.
And also the time he got my mom a fluffy "pink" robe for Christmas, but it was actually green.
Some people make it through by luck and the grace of the Lord. You can get into some severe situations when it comes compromised vision. I had an ex who would constantly miss crosswalk signals, in New York due to deteriorating regular vision. The amount of cars he nearly ended up under, I lost count. So when you're performing everyday tasks like driving, preparing food or running you have to be extra cautious.
I had a color blind science teacher. He brought it up when we got to genetics and recessive genes.
The small town had an upside down traffic light for decades. The teacher knew it was upside down, and just remember too was go, bottom was stop.
Then the town suddenly flipped it it right side up. Luckily there wasn't an accident, he just had to explain to the officer what happened.
I'm not color blind but my fiancé is, he struggles with the ties on loafs of bread. The color of the tie will blend in with our counter top and I'll hear him tapping his hand up and down trying to find it so he can close the packaging on the loaf.
The standard small-town traffic light had 12 light bulbs--one each for red, yellow and green for all four directions. The budget traffic light for very small towns had only one light bulb for each position (top, middle, bottom), shared with all four directions. You can see the problem. I had a colorblind friend who was ticketed for running such a red light in a small town in Georgia. Luckily he wasn't killed.
Oh the simple joys of life. Imagine not being able to take in the majesty of certain moments, like a Christmas tree or a once in a decade colored moon. You get to stand there and watch everyone else partake while you just imagine, in black and white.
the quiet lights...
Standing outside one late October night, watching one of the best displays of the Northern Lights that I've seen. My family is gasping at the shifting display of colors- pink and blue and purple swirled in with the more common green. I look over at our friend, who is much less awe-inspired than us, and remember that he's colorblind. I didn't mention it or make a fuss, but it made me quite sad for him.
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I don't pick up on certain colors of blue/purple, and see them as purple.
My old roommate doesn't pick up on blue/purple and sees them as blue. Lots of drunk arguments which we'd then pull our third roommate over and ask and he'd be like "bruh... that's obviously purple/blue" and we'd lose our minds.
I hear that science is making great strides in possible contacts and glasses that will be able to bring color to the colorblind. Hopefully sometimes in the near future rainbows can be seen by everyone. And if you come across a person who is colorblind, don't make a fuss. You'll never understand how they are seeing or feeling so don't bombard them with questions. Google it.
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