Flirting. Some people are naturally flirty and charismatic, they smoothly enter a conversation then with a shimmy and a wink already have a date. Others...including this writer...have to be intentional about flirting and even then that “sexy wink" turns out more like a facial spasm.
There is help however, following others' experiences and flirting expertise below may just give you the boost you need. Just make sure to use your newfound powers of prowess wisely padawan.
Redditor ABowlOfLentilSoup reached out for all of us who are on the flirtation struggle-bus and asked:
“People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for?"
The Reddit hivemind came up with some helpful guides for the less flirty.
Mirroring...
“Mirroring body language. This is a tactic employed by people who work in sales and it's not always conscious. This is a psychological disarmament tactic we, as humans, deploy on each other."
“In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language. Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person whose attention you are seeking do the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign."
“That's not to say you need to reposition or fidget while interacting; remember, being comfortable and at ease is a way bigger turn-on and ultimately lends itself to a more approachable experience for all parties. After all, 'acting natural' is the penultimate jedi mind trick :)"
“some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others...”
“People will give alot of cues subconsciously, also some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others too. Pay attention to their eye contact with you compared to others, if one has small amount of eye contact with others but alot with you, generally it means theyre comfortable with you."
“Physical contact is usually big for people who arent already touchy, people will generally be more touchy with those they like. When in a group and everyones laughing, people generally look at the one theyre most comfortable with first, or the one they like, could be either or both."
“Action imitation is big, if you think someone is into you, do an action like hands in pocket or something, if they copy, they probably like you, or are paying serious attention to you for some reason. If they laugh at your dumb joke, either they like you, or the joke made them uncomfortable, depends on the situation."
“Playing with hair is one that can mean something to, but some people also just do that alot anyway. Really id say some things can be a good tell more often than not but sometimes those actions can just be them being friendly, unless its blatantly obvious it can be something else, thats why the communication or the risk of asking someone is important."
Get flustered!
“When a person is making relatively sensual physical contact, please, and I mean PLEASE get flustered, or at least mentally flustered. Do not ignore them because you've known them a while. Do not pass it off as jokes, look for some signals. You'll regret not doing so. I've never been oblivious, but G*d d*mn have I missed hints before.”
sweat wtf GIF by AwesomenessTV
Giphy
“My advice is to be observant.”
“It really depends on who you're talking to. My advice is to be observant. Some, would prefer banters. Usually , when coming up with something witty, they return back what you said but relating it in a playful or opposing manner (i hope you get what I mean) or playfully challenging your views.”
“When it comes to touch, subtle touch on the arm or shoulders or patting the head and smile. Trying means to be with you is also a sign, but some are a lil more lowkey(like me), that'll probably prefer showing a playful side when it's just alone. So, it is also a sign if they change their aura from normal/serious to playful when it's just you alone. I hope these help.”
A more logical way to look at it.
“Everyone is giving good advice, but flirting didn't click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability. Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not.”
“That's the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time. If you want to know if someone's flirting, you need to test it.”
“You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting.”
“Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you're interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don't change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.”
“Dunno if that's something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too.”
Its not one size fits all...
“Generally there's no one thing that gives it away. Everyone says to look for eye contact, look at posture, look for mimicry, etc, and sure there's some truth to that but no one should be expected to keep track of all of those things and not everyone exhibits any particular one.”
“In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it's nothing. I say trust that sense.”
“It's based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it's not a coincidence. When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can't or don't want to attend.”
“If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they'll just say no, sorry I can't make it.”
“This works because you're showing interest in spending additional time with them (this event would be more enjoyable for me if you where there) and if they like you they will be sure to make it clear that they are saying no to the event, not to you. Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question.”
They're into you...
“Take it from me, we were in a club she wanted to go to, she was checking the girls out and asked which one I liked. I told her the girl with the hair to one side. Now get this, dumb*ss me NOTICED she put her hair to one side, but thought nothing of it."
“I'm sure she sent out more hints and cues, but being a guy with poor self worth, I brushed it all off, there's no way she's in to me. I was so wrong, it took one of her guy friends telling me that she hasn't shut up about me all night to realise that, hang in, she does??"
“Long story short, if you think there's a chance, don't be a dumb*ss and wait for luck to punch you in the face like it did me, take the chance, even if you're convincing yourself she isn't in to you, she probably is!"
Kate Mckinnon Flirt GIF by Saturday Night Live
Giphy
This Redditor broke it down into some helpful bullet points.
“A few examples of things that have helped give away someone's feelings for me:
-telling their friends about me
-remembering my schedule or other similar information
-telling me about they're previous interest with striking similarities
-bragging about themselves in ways that would make a potential partner happy ("I give great back massages" or "I cook a mean omelette")
-asking what my plans are at the end of a party/gathering instead of their friends
-looking for or grasping onto shared interests”
Some sound points...
“They make a lot of eye contact. They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions. They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones.”
“They initiate physical contact.They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean sex but it often means they wish for more quality time with you).”
A good note to remember from this commenter:
“Do not take these as signs that a worker is interested in you. They literally get paid to seem interested in the concerns of every customer/client. Furthermore, any of these one signs alone is NOT confirmation someone likes you. Everyone flirts differently and some may not even use any of the above.”
“These were simply some traits that came to mind based off my limited experience. I have never been an expert at reading signals (I was always shy), but I think the most important aspect of flirting is demonstrating that you take a keen interest in the other person and want as much one-on-one time to get to know them better as a person.”
“Some people will rush the sexual aspect of dating, at which point their flirtations become more physical and obvious. But for most dating adults, signals are more subtle and revealed through conversation.“
Everyone is different...
“Everybody's social queues are different. Some maybe more extreme than others. So don't take stuff from this thread as the actual truth. Some people are just really friendly.“
Although flirting may not come naturally to all of us, these are some solid tips to get you started. As always friends, remember consent is the sexiest way when you do decide to go for physical contact.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
Giphy
"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
Giphy
"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
Giphy
What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
Giphy
Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
Giphy
Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
Giphy
Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...