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People Divulge The Exact Moment They Knew They Were Going To End A Friendship

People Divulge The Exact Moment They Knew They Were Going To End A Friendship
Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

This article is an ode to the "friend-dump" and the power of growth. Boundaries are awesome, dear readers. Growth and development are awesome.

Some of these friendships, though... not awesome.


They say friendships form for a reason, a season, or a time. If we're lucky, that time gets to be a really long one - but more often than not things are going to go sideways.

Sometimes friendships fizzle out, people drift apart, maybe someone moves or gets a new job... but every now and then there's one defining moment where you look at someone and think "yeah... I'm gonna have to friend-dump you."

Reddit user FeelThePower999 asked:

"What was the moment you looked at your friend and realized they were no longer a friend and you were going to cut ties?"

Sooooo yeah... boundaries. Let's watch people plow right on through them, shall we?

We're Too Old For Shunning

rachel mcadams blow kiss GIFGiphy

"She threw a big 30th birthday party for all her friends. She purposefully invited one girl she'd had a falling out with to come two hours later than the party started."

"Before the girl showed up, she told everyone that the girl was a b*tch and we should all shun her. The poor girl came in with a big expensive present, so happy that her & her where mending things, just to be ignored and belittled by over 30 people."

"The girl left crying. I left not long after and ghosted the sh*t out of my ex-friend."

"She was a minor celebrity in my country. I already saw people take a lot of bad behaviour from her before this happened, but this just pushed me over the edge. People get weird around celebrities, no matter how minor." - fluffyfluffycake

Rooting Against Me

The Princess Bride Boo GIF by filmeditorGiphy

"I was waiting for news of a big career opportunity for a few months, and the sound of relief and satisfaction in her voice when I told my friend it fell through made me realize how hard she had been internally rooting against me."

"Feeling jealous of a friend who has a good thing happen is just part of what it means to be human. But, in that moment, the fact that her response didn't seem mixed with any sympathy for my sadness made me look differently at the dynamics of that friendship."

"I think she genuinely liked me, but not being the "star" in our friendship was too much for her."

- chihuahuamama

Different With An Audience

Awkward Dj Pauly D GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy

"When they started treating me different around other people."

"Together just the two of us, everything was great. In a crowd I became ignored except for when I was the butt of jokes. I'm not thin skinned, I'm not talking about not being able to take a joke."

"It's more that they act embarrassed to know me or want to distance themselves."

"You feel played, betrayed, let down and over all like a fool. I've come to realize it's 100% the other persons insecurity, though. Hurt people hurt people - and I don't have time for that insecure bull." - slugvegas

How Little Interest

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"I tried to talk to a guy who I thought was my friend about something going on between me and my Dad for a few minutes during a drive."

"He flat out silently stared at his phone - until I said something semi related about him. That is when he perked up and started telling me about how much money he'd made recently, and how he got all of this free weed from someone and boy was his life sweet."

"I sorta just 'mhm'ed' my way through it because it was obvious he had been ignoring me, and when he got to the end of his brag session he in all serious told me he was pretty offended at how little interest I showed in what he'd been saying." - CommercializedPan

Losing My Religion

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"When I told them that I left my high demand religion. They said we no longer had anything in common."

"What?? 30 years of friendship over in 1 conversation?! Plus, I had been out of the religion for years, but they never knew. Our friendship was fine."

"Once official, I was 'no longer trustworthy, sinful and lost.' That was the end for me."

"It's their loss, not mine." - Gotagoodkidney

"This happened to me. My husband and I left Mormonism and our best friends (so close we were like family) ghosted us over it."

"When my husband confronted his friend about it, the guy said a bunch of vicious stuff about us and claimed they'd never really liked us. It broke my f*cking heart."

"That was more than three years ago and I still have dreams where I'm trying to reconcile with them." - Confident_Basket8694

His Alibi

Season 1 Nbc GIF by The Good PlaceGiphy

"We kind of fell out a while ago and haven't spoken much, but today I learned that he seems to have been using me as an alibi to cheat on his wife."

"She texted me about us having drinks the other night & we haven't done anything socially outside of work since before COVID. Without going into detail I'm certain my confused reaction blew up whatever bull he's been telling her."

"I am not in the habit of lying to people & wouldn't cover for someone in this situation unless it involved a psycho abusive spouse, a "we went on one date" stalker - that kind of thing... Even then I'd need some kind of heads up beforehand!"

"So I don't know what he's been trying to pull, but any hope of rekindling any friendship is now 100% gone. I'm not his alibi." - 3dogsinatrenchcoat

The "Backup Wife"

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"I had a close friend from childhood who was very into the traditional lifestyle, with wife, kids, house with a picket fence, part of the PTA and church. Even in high school."

"He would date anyone that would have him, and ignore us until they broke up and he'd come crawling back. We were best of friends so we always were glad to have him back involved in our group. He went to college literally because he was looking for a girl to marry."

"He ended up dropping out after 2 yrs, and getting a job delivering auto parts where he started dating and married his boss's daughter. They popped out 3 kids right in a row, and every time I talked to him things were "great" but he just would stop responding to me more and more often."

"He was 110% devoted to his little family which was great, but he just stopped being my friend. I'd invite him to get together and he would always just say 'oh why don't you come over here, you can see the kids.' "

"That was fine, but his wife and he would just be on me the whole time about how I'm not really an adult because I dont have a family, my job was putting my ability to have kids at risk (firefighter) and that I basically only had value if I was breeding."

"So part of the distancing was me honestly. I didn't like having to put up with that just to see my friend."

"Long story short, his wife cheats on him, they divorced and she's instantly pregnant with another guy's baby. He comes to me broken over this and we get close again. Really close."

"I drove him to therapy, watched his kids while he was laying in bed all day, unable to get up and brought food for his family."

"I opened up about why I felt we drifted apart in the first place. He actually apologized and admitted he suspected that was why. I thought I had my best friend again."

"Until he met another girl and I started seeing less of him."

"He started flaking on me to hang out. When I did come over, the remarks about 'doing the adult thing' would come out again. His new girlfriend had 3 kids too, so he started joking about being the Brady Bunch."

"I hung on trying to keep the friendship together because I felt bad for not trying enough last time, but he was sliding back into the old him. I was sitting looking at a text he sent after ignoring me for a week that said 'lol, yes, well maybe you'll find a good woman like I did and finally grow up' "

"I suddenly realized I was the only one trying to be a friend, and I just didn't give a sh*T anymore. I deleted his number and haven't heard from him in 2 years. Last thing I heard from him was that text."

"I realized he didn't want to be my friend so much as I was his 'backup wife.' I was easy to fall back on when he found himself single, that's it."

"I'm thinking he may reach out again when he finds himself single again. I won't be there to answer." - The_Great_Blumpkin

Childhood Beauty

Toddlers And Tiaras Beauty GIFGiphy

"Friend invited me to see her 4 yo daughter perform in a beauty pageant. Ugh, I know, but whatever I wanted to support the kid."

"The little girl sang a sob song about some kid praying to Jesus about their dead mommy. My friend whispered to me that the song 'always won brownie points with the judges'. Again, ugh."

"After the girl performed she came to stand by us in the audience and my friend SMACKED the child's tummy and scolded 'suck it in, no one likes a fat kid.' "

"Yep, I was DONE. I walked out." - noseymimi

Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Teachers have heard every excuse in the book from students who were trying to pull a fast one. We all know the classics: 'dog ate my homework,' 'my car burst...

Sounded Like An Incel

Cuff Him Season 2 GIF by American GodsGiphy

"He started saying some pretty gross stuff about this girl who was his friend. She wasn't interested in anything more than friendship and he was pissed about it."

"I told him he sounded like an incel. That's when I started pulling away."

"The last time I saw him was after he got out of prison on bail and wanted to discuss why he was in there and why it was pretty definite he was going back after his trial." - ultravioletblueberry

Google Calendar

Interested Kim Kardashian GIFGiphy

"A former friend was going through a divorce that she had instigated by cheating on her ex. She was very, very upset that most people in her circle had sided with her ex."

"I did not pick a side, in part because I was very aware of the sad state of their relationship when she decided to end it. However, she began demanding that I pick a side."

"That led to a slow cooling in our friendship, which blew up one day when I met up with the ex for a beer. Right before we met up, the former friend started frantically texting, wanting to meet up."

"Turned out she had access to my Google Calendar and was following my motions through there."

"She was pissed that I met up with her ex (who was also a friend) and tried to sabotage it. After that I decided I was done with her."

"Too weird, too creepy and controlling. Still friends with the ex, though." - bonbonnibles

They Still Haven't Apologized

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"We were like glue for years. They got me through some of the toughest times, and I was always there right back."

"Then the final 3 years it began to be more and more about them. Would only want to talk if it was their hobby, their problem, their needs.'

"I still gave my all, and burnt myself out being there without a single boundary. I assumed we were operating at an unspoken 'if the roles were reversed, you'd do the same for me' "

"Then a few months back they changed completely. Got a horrible partner. Rude, bigoted, classist, all-round a-hole."

"And it was like I never existed. I was heartbroken. I did everything I could to fix that friendship."

"The day where I realized it wouldn't, couldn't, and I didn't want it to go back to how it was, was when we had a big, tearful heart to heart. They didn't care at all."

"They were upset because they'd lost me, but not because of ME. They were upset over losing what was, essentially, their free on-call therapist."

"Their a-hole boyfriend left them. Their life was becoming miserable and stagnated. Their other friends were also showing their true bad colors."

"I moved cities the next day."

"We agreed to be amicable. I've noticed I only get messages when they want attention. I don't rise to it anymore. We don't talk."

"Side by side, glued together for almost a decade, genuinely inseparable. And after a couple months of mourning… I don't miss them anymore."

"They still haven't apologized."

- mmgkayla

Gathering Intel

"No loyalty to our friendship."

"She made a lot of poor choices. Talked about me behind my back and then tried to play it off like she was 'gathering info' to tell me."

"She continued to like photos, and stay friends on social media with my ex boyfriend who assaulted me, and much more."

"I haven't cut it off, but I'm slowly distancing myself because I know she won't think she really did anything that big of a deal. Some people just don't care about you but are really good are telling you what you want to hear."

- zilazav

Ghosted

Dance Dancing GIF by HeadexplodieGiphy

"When we graduated high school, a friend of 5 years ghosted my boyfriend and me. This was the guy my boyfriend considered his best friend and was planning to ask to be his best man if he ever gets married."

"We would reach out when we knew he was coming to town through other friends. He always said he was too busy this time but maybe next time."

"According to a friend who went to the same university as him, he apparently wanted to have a restart. That meant erasing everyone from his life who didn't go to his college that was 2 hours away from our hometown."

"A year later he comments on a social media post, asking me how we are doing and saying that we should hang out. I'd like to say I had forgotten about him but actually I was still salty about the silent treatment."

"I unfriended him, deleted his number, and never heard from him again."

- RedPandaLily88

You Don't Traumatize A Child

What Is Wrong With You Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"Basically, my 'friend' and his partner are codependent. Like- on school nights, they'd sleep over at each other's houses and stay there for weeks on end."

"This dude practically couldn't live without his partner and the relationship is toxic and abusive as hell. One time, the partner was being practically disowned by their mom for being trans and had their phone taken away for a few hours while they 'thought about their decision.' "

"To be clear, I don't like this person's mother."

"Anyway, the younger brother was in the living room at the time when the mother walked in and started ranting about the partner, and the brother nodded along out of fear of getting into trouble as well."

"The partner, once they'd gotten their phone back, started telling everyone about this and claimed that their brother had talked sh*t about them and was transphobic, etc."

"This man tried to text this ELEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD about his 'relapse' (WITH PICTURES!) And it would've happened if one of our mutual friends hadn't stepped in and told him off."

"That's where I draw the line. You don't traumatize kids who just try to stay out of trouble."

"I pretend to be all Buddy-Buddy with this guy because his mom works at our school (he could seriously f*ck up my future if he tried) but I despise him."

- Sleeping-H0ll0w

The Common Denominator

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"She kept trash talking every one of her coworkers at every job she's ever held. Not that she had time to get to really know anyone since any job she had she would be at for only a few months (and no they weren't seasonal)."

"There would be looong periods of unemployment in between."

"Also- every place she's ever lived she's had problems with the landlords. So yeah. She was clearly the common denominator."

- Strawberry36

"The Look"

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"Another girl had just barely walked away from a conversation with our group when these two 'friends' started talking trash about her."

"I jokingly said: 'wow I hope you don't talk about me like that!' "

"The look they gave each other said it all."

- LightBringer54

Now that we've read Reddits stories, it's your turn. Tell us about the times you knew a friendship had run it's course. I can't wait to read these comments...

Double Standards That Make People Angry

Reddit user Extreme-Minute-4746 asked: 'What double standards make you angry?'

angry girl in black and white striped shirt
Photo by Julien L on Unsplash

Double standards are an unfortunate part of society.

A double standard is when two or more individuals or sets of people are treated differently when they should be treated the same.

A good example is the difference in the way my brother and I are treated when we cook. I'm big on baking and have a natural talent for it. Whenever I bake anything, even something complicated, like cheesecake, I'm given minimal praise, if any at all. This is because I'm a woman, and in my family culture, women are expected to be able to bake.

My brother isn't as good a baker as me and rarely does it, but when he does, he is praised for subpar brownies because he's a man and it's amazing he can even cook as well as he does.

I'm not the only one who has experience with this.

Redditors have identified many double standards in society and are eager to share.

It all started when Redditor Extreme-Minute-4746 asked:

"What double standards make you angry?"

Civil Service

"As a federal government employee, why do I have to follow all kinds of ethics rules, but politicians and judges don’t?"

– mittychix

"F**k, right? I have to spend six weeks reviewing documentation and hearing out dozens of random companies to award a £100k contract but the minister who runs my department can give his mate's company a multi-million£ contract to run ferries without even getting quotes - DESPITE THAT COMPANY NOT HAVING AND FERRIES AND THE PORT IN QUESTION NOT HAVING CAPACITY FOR THEM."

"I left the civil service after that one."

– Disco_is_Death

"This. Yeah I could get in trouble for accepting a gift over $50 (like I have that much influence anyway) but politicians and judges get lobbied millions..it's infuriating."

– gtbeam3r

"Yes. And they get to keep their jobs for being completely dysfunctional, but if I pulled a fraction that garbage, I’d be fired."

– TrekJaneway

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

"That some people expect you to respect their no, whilst they will most definitely not respect yours."

– IvyBloodroot

"On that note, respecting someone as an authority is often equated to respecting someone as an individual."

"Eg. Teachers who say if you don't respect me (as a superior), I won't respect you (as a person), when they're really not the same thing."

– Paperonia

The Bullied

"School bullying."

"The kid getting picked on has essentially no power. Go to a teacher? Get labeled a snitch and tattle tale. Don't do anything? You're just made an easier target. The moment they fight back, they're the ones who end up dealing with detention, suspension, expulsion, etc. You have more power as a bully in the schools than the victim."

– FriskeCrisps

"It's because bullied people are usually rule followers, and the school wants the problem dealt with as quickly as possible. Best way to do that is to expect the rule follower to follow rules, rather than the rule breaker to suddenly change their ways."

"Fairness ends up on the chopping block."

– darsynia

Services Cliff

"I'm 41 years old and have Cerebral Palsy. If I try to find anything related to the disease - how to deal with it, any kind of ongoing care - it is virtually impossible because all the care is just for children with CP. It's like once you turn 18 the world just doesn't care anymore."

– Zechnophobe

"I’m autistic and in the same boat. “How to deal with a child who…” I'M ASKING FOR ME."

– aroaceautistic

A Two-Way Street

"People who are obsessed with the idea of kids being respectful towards adults, but don't treat kids with respect in turn."

"Edit for example: I went to a very old-fashioned school where the rule was that when an adult entered the room, even in the library and break/lunch, every student in the room had to immediately fall silent - mid sentence, mid word, didn't matter - and stand up until we were given permission to sit back down again. If we didn't, we were chewed out and sometimes even given detentions. The argument was that it trained us into respect, but I was also brought up to believe it's rude to interrupt, and it felt like the teachers were constantly interrupting us."

– MerylSquirrel

"My father in law is like that. He’s “kids should be seen and not heard” type of old school."

"But then he wonders why the children in the family all steer clear of him and why they disregard most things he says."

– Macintosh0211

Doctor, Doctor

"This might be a bit controversial, but I’ve come across a couple of doctors who demand special treatment away from work but preach and practice treating all their patients equally."

– kimchi-pancake

"They charge you a fee or cancel if you’re 5 minutes late but have no problem leaving you waiting for hours. I’ve waited an hour in the lobby and another in the actual examination room."

– SadComfort8692

"Same! i can understand if it’s out of their control but i could hear her, clear as day, giggling with her coworkers about her weekend. i waited 20 in the lobby and 20 in the exam room. i love a good gab but, for f**k’s sake, do it later! if i yapped outside for 20 minutes, it would be a $50 fee and another 4 month long wait to be seen again."

"I suddenly had a $50 i-can-hear-you-nattering-through-the-wall fee. she laughed but it’s been collecting interest ever since…"

– manyfeetball

Alcohol Is Alcohol

"Beer drinkers act like they aren’t alcoholics because they don’t drink hard liquor. Ok sir you just drank 25 beers and then looked at me sideways for drinking a g&t at the family reunion."

– Brainfog_shishkabob

"Same goes for the “sophisticated” wine drinkers..."

"Stop judging me for enjoying a drink on the terrace a few times a year, when you empty 1-2 bottles each evening..."

– 2Madam_Mimmm

"That’s definitely the way it is. I’ve got a snotty alcoholic family member, that THINKS she’s sophisticated, because she drinks high dollar wine, out of very expensive glasses."

"Yeah, pissing yourself and passing out, in front of the mailbox, are definitely the traits of a sophisticated person."

– sweathogbrooklyn

Mr. Mom

"Fathers taking care of their kids."

"I take my kids to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, take them to school, and pick them up. I do all that stuff."

"Every single f**king time, it's, “Dad’s babysitting today?” Or some stupid comment like that. No, I’m not babysitting. I’m being a f**king parent!"

"I hate the double standard that dads can’t do stuff like that with their kids."

"I can’t take my daughter to the park without being questioned or looked at funny either."

"People need to give dads more respect. A lot of us bust our a**es too. I work hard. I take care of my kids, I play with my kids. I clean the house. I do laundry. I don’t stop. I don’t rest, I don’t relax."

– moms-sphaghetti

"Give us changing tables in the men's room!"

– Da1UHideFrom

"Nothing bugs me more than when a place only has changing tables in the women's bathroom."

"It's 2023, I take my son to the aquarium by myself sometimes... Looking at you London SeaLife centre 🤨"

– AstonVanilla

Household Split

"The laundry is always a wierd one. My wife is a much better cook than me. And she hates me cooking when she's in the house. So to compensate I do all the laundry, including ironing before someone mentions it, and all the washing of dishes."

"But even at work, this doesn't seem to be understood as possible. I complained my washing machine had broken and the comment was 'Oh no, what's wife's name going to do?'"

"To which the answer was 'Wonder why I haven't done the washing this week.'"

"But it's infuriating."

– RelativeStranger

Justice Is Bought

"The American justice system. You can afford the best and many more lawyers when you have money."

– TooAfraidToAsk814

"Justice is blind, but the b*tch sure can smell money."

– burgher89

Worship

"I am supposed to respect people's religion, but people aren't supposed to respect my non-religion."

"Particularly when their religion instructs them to not respect my non-religion."

– GeebusNZ

"It kinda makes my head spin that there are people who I get along well with who, per their religion, think I deserve to be tortured in agony for all eternity."

Daztur

Yup, me and my non-religious self have personal experience with that last one!

well-dressed woman holding shopping bags
freestocks on Unsplash

Money is tight for many people.

But sometimes paying more is better than pinching pennies.

Keep reading...Show less

People tend to have a lot of opinions about other people's workplaces, whether or not they've ever worked in that industry themselves.

There are some professions, like teaching and retail, where people will assume they know all there is to know, even if they've never set foot in that position, and there are others, like the CIA, where people view these positions as elusive and awe-inspiring.

But there are beliefs that people share that frustrates those who are actually in the industry.

Redditor Madalyn_Robert asked:

"What's a myth about your profession that you want to debunk?"

Veterinarian Secrets

"Veterinary medicine is not a happy-go-lucky career choice where you get to deal with cute animals rather than people. Most of your patients are sick or scared, and every case involves a fraught negotiation with their stressed-out human."

- Drabby

The Truth Behind Anesthesia

"Anesthesiologist: you're not asleep you are anesthetized. When you're asleep and someone stabs you, you wake up."

- Drsuprane

"Even more terrifying, anesthesia doesn’t exactly prevent you from feeling what’s happening, it (in effect) disrupts the timing clock that allows different parts of the brain to talk to each other. You won’t be able to remember it or be conscious to experience it, but somewhere some part of your brain is receiving those pain signals and is trying desperately to tell the rest of your brain what’s happening."

- Steaveee

Preventative > Reactive

"Maintenance is worth doing and is definitely worth paying for."

"People say, 'I don't know why we pay those maintenance guys, nothing ever breaks around here!'"

"The reason Germany and Japan (and South Korea) became and remain such manufacturing powerhouses is because they know the value of maintenence. If you keep everything in clean good working order, you end up with minimum down time. Working maintenance into manufacturing schedules keeps output level, because you have no unexpected downtime."

"It's the same for your car or your home. Setting aside time and resources for maintenance means you won't lose unexpected time and resources when things break. Good maintenance will spot things before they break and switch them out. That's worth paying for."

- TriviaBanal

The Power of a Reboot

"IT. Rebooting is NOT a waste of time and solves a remarkable number of problems."

- gfhggdssgg

"Instead of using shutdown, use restart."

"Modern versions of windows have something called fast startup, which basically hibernates when you shut down. You don't get the benefit of a reboot."

- gerwen

Giant, Flying Puzzles

"Commercial aircraft are built almost entirely by hand. Like 96%. There's very little automation in the process."

- Kalepsis

"Authentic, handcrafted commercial airliners."

- Keyspam102

"Free range, GRASS FED, Authentic, handcrafted commercial airliners!"

- Wiggly96

Doing Library Things

"I am a public librarian. While curating books is still a portion of the job, much of it these days is taken up by database assistance and training, program development and teaching, and public education. It’s much closer to school teaching, but for adults and without grading homework, than it was in the past."

- SmallDarkCloud

Rate the Emergency

"If you go to the ER via ambulance, it does NOT mean you will be seen quicker."

"ERs take the sickest people first, definitely not the ones who come in by ambulance first."

- DoIHaveDementia

Not in Charge

"Teachers have very little say in anything. We advocate the best we can but most of the time, it’s out of our hands, including holding children back who desperately need help."

- chasindreams22

Define "Recycled"

"Print industry. Your paper isn’t as recycled as you think it is."

- mullett

True Lawyers

"That all lawyers make absurd amounts of money. The ones that won't sell their entire life for big bucks tend to make pretty average money."

- dudeblackhawk

"Yes! Some months I barely make enough for all my expenses. Some months I make a lot of money. Some months I make absolutely nothing. Having a private practice in my country means financial instability. The Estate does pay me to represent people who can't afford a lawyer but it pays very bad and takes forever to get that money."

"Also, we're not all like in the movies. Most of us actually care about the people we represent and we try our best to help them."

- ZucchiniAnxious

Not Everything Is Memorized

"I can write code. I cannot debug most of your Windows problems without googling them."

- Resies

Underpaid and Overworked

"School Custodian here and we are NOT overpaid cleaners. What would you pay someone that can paint, Sheetrock, tape/mud, patch concrete/asphalt, operate/repair commercial landscaping/snow removal equipment, operate/repair commercial custodial equipment, restore various types of floors including vct/hardwood/carpet/tile, replace toilets/faucets, air filters, belts, trim/fell trees, shovel roofs, etc?"

"Not all of us are cleaners/janitors, which are vital and underpaid as well. Some of us are Jack/Jill of all trades and you want to pay us peanuts?"

"All employees of a school are important and administrators shouldn't try to balance their budgets on the backs of workers when I've seen an exponential amount of administrative salary and stupid purchasing decisions, not to mention unfunded mandates from the state."

- Nutella_Zamboni

Speech-to-Language Complexity

"There is sooooo much more to the speech-language pathologist scope of practice than working with kids who stutter or can't say their 'r's."

"An entire half of the field is in the adult medical setting working with people who have dementia, swallowing disorders, oral cancer, strokes, Parkinson's disease, and voice disorders, plus some other niche areas like transgender voice or accent modification."

"The pediatric half of the field also works with AAC devices, social skills, literacy development, syntax, executive functioning, writing, feeding, and more."

- bibliophile222

Realistic Therapy

"Therapist here, specifically a couples therapist."

"Therapy is not just about venting or having someone agree with you all the time to make you feel better. Yes, we validate and listen and venting happens at times. But we also challenge you, encourage you to set goals and make change, and sometimes give 'homework.'"

"Therapy is an active process and if you want to see change you have to be willing to make change. I think the media has really warped people's ideas and they expect miracles to happen by showing up without any effort. I wish I could do that for you! But I need you to partner with me to make things happen."

"Also, very few therapists actually have you lay on a couch."

- Dependent-Citron4444

Well, Then.

"Scientist (more specifically, molecular biologist in biotech)."

"I am not hiding the cure for cancer, and I don't know s**t about actual medicine."

- DaOleRazzleDazzle

It's surprising how much we often think we know about other people's professions, and it's probably annoying to them to hear misconceptions day in and day out from the general public.

This is a great reminder of how much we can learn from each other, even just in the workplace.

Person holding two vintage photographs of family portraits
Cheryl Winn-Boujnida/Unsplash

How well did you really know the people who are no longer with us?

Many of us present our best selves to our friends and relatives but do you share with them your deepest, darkest insecurities and secrets?

Maybe you do. But there are plenty of others who take their secrets to the grave.

But those closely guarded secrets or the truest identities can come to light posthumously in many forms, giving a glimpse of who they were to the people they've left behind.

Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor WhoAllIll asked:

"What secret was revealed when cleaning out the home of a deceased family member?"

Not everyone had pure morals or ethics.

Shady Business

"Elderly aunt had a hidden room with staircase to basement area no one knew about. She and her son had a meth lab. This was in the 90’s in Philly. Blew us all away."

– pekepeeps

Here's The Story

"We all knew this one uncle had a second family. We expected drama at the funeral."

"No one was expecting his third family to show up. Wife. Three kids. This new family knew the rest of the family by name from pictures. How we are all related, names, hobbies. That was a wildly bizarre experience."

– z-adventure

Late Discovery

"My dad passed away in 1994 (I was 28). While going through his safe I found some adoption papers. While reading through them I got excited at the prospect I might have a brother out there somewhere (I was raised as an only child) but couldn't understand why my parents never told me that they'd adopted a child but never told me. After rereading them, I realized that they papers were about me. After confronting my family about this turns out everyone - family, close friends, I mean everyone, knew I was adopted. Except me. That was a fun day."

– rolandblais

You never know about a person.

Once Upon A Cash-tress

"Many years ago I went with my dad and aunt to clean out my great uncle’s apartment after he passed away. He was never married, no kids, and lived (we thought) very poor. Tiny apartment with a twin bed, table and chair, a couple of pots and pans, a couple pants& shirts, and that’s basically it."

"As we stripped the bed and moved the mattress, we were shocked. He had hundreds of stacks of 10 dollar bills, wrapped in rubber bands, under his mattress. They were all 10 dollar bills. He lived during the Depression and didn’t trust banks, apparently, but we had no idea he had so much cash. He never spent it on anything. Just bundled it and saved it under his mattress. Some of the bills were so old and yellowed. It equaled thousands of dollars. We had no idea."

– Sostupid246

The Neat Hoarder

"My grandfather, who spoke English as a third language, was a bit of a hoarder. Lots of old sh*t stockpiled in his basement, but well organized. Imagine a generic episode of Hoarders, but with a prepper OCD vibe."

"Everything was sanitized, stacked/nested, and grouped logically. It was like the stock room for a store that wasn't yet sure what products it was selling and wanted to be ready."

"So we find a cylindrical container that was kinda heavy for its size, and it had the label 'OLD PENIS'. It was one of those black plastic film containers."

"Hesitant, but curious, we removed the lid."

"It contained a collection of one-cent pieces which had been minted in the first half of the 20th century."

"Part of me was disappointed, part of me was relieved."

"Edit: I'm glad so many people got a chuckle from the mystery of my grandfather's old penis. It was an innocent typo, but he was a jovial man and would have enjoyed knowing it made so many people laugh."

– funkme1ster

Unpublished

"We knew my originally British, naturalized Canadian great-grandmother had been an enthusiastic amateur historian, who had been fascinated by Britain’s war with Napoleon - not for the least reason because she was herself tangentially related to the Duke of Wellington’s family, via a cousin’s marriage to his son’s nephew, or some connection equally obscure and tenuous."

"What we didn’t know is that, likely in preparation for a book she never wrote, as a young woman she had actually interviewed several dozen elderly English, French and Spanish veterans about their experiences during that war - including three actual survivors of Waterloo (two English, one French), and an aide-de-camp to Spanish General Francisco Javier Castaños, at the time he handed the Napoleonic army its very first defeat in the field, and captured nearly 20,000 French troops at the Battle of Bailen (1808)."

"But there it was, stored in a wooden egg crate under her iron-framed bed, among old calendars, untested recipe clippings and copies of Family Circle magazine: a manuscript with nearly three hundred pages of transcribed military memoirs - all laid out in three languages (in which she was fluent) in her elegant, Spencerian hand."

"My parents donated her manuscript to the Imperial War Museum, where no doubt it will never have human eyes laid on it again."

– theartfulcodger

These Redditors share heartwarming discoveries.

Preparing For The Onward Journey

"My dad was in hospice at home for a couple months before he died of lung cancer, and when I went to clean out his house I found that he had already sorted and packed away most of his personal treasures in couple storage bins. It was heartbreaking all over again thinking of him sitting there packing up his own life knowing it was coming to an end."

– F0regn_Lawns

Messages From Beyond

"When my husband died a few years ago i found several notes/letters he had scattered in various places around our home, written to me in advance (he had terminal cancer & knew he was dying). some were marked 'open when you can't stop crying' 'open when the holidays are too rough' 'open when you have to put one of the cats to sleep'."

"They didn't contain any secrets, but they are heartbreakingly beautiful."

– miss_trixie

Sweet Keepsake

"My dad kept a handwritten note in his wallet containing my mom’s old address, phone number, and directions to her house from when they first started dating in the 70s. He had moved it from wallet to wallet over the years. ❤️ He just died this past March and that was one of the first things we found."

– Jinx5326

Scavenger Hunt

"That my dad hid money all over the house, not huge amounts mind you, but $60 here, $120 there. Felt like a bit of a scavenger hunt when we were cleaning out his stuff. He was always a bit of a sneakily generous guy, always gave me and my brothers a secret handshake with money tucked in his palm when we’d go back to school after a weekend home, etc, so wouldn’t be surprised if he’d done it intentionally. Made us smile every time we found some, iirc I think the final total was somewhere around $800."

– Mzunguman

Photographs are treasures.

When my family cleaned out the house of my father's aunt who lived in America, we found stacks of vintage photographs well before the advent of digital photography.

There were photos of my great aunt in Japan from when she was a teenager to photos of her and her husband at a Japanese internment camp at Heart Mountain, Wyoming.

There were no secrets uncovered but it was so profound poring through images capturing decades of her life captured on film.