It can be hard when a relationship has run its course, when there's no more gas left in the tank but you keep pushing the proverbial car forward hoping to reach your destination.
Sometimes you need to leave the car at the side of the road and keep making your way on foot. It's okay to ditch a bad relationship, and it'll be better for all parties involved in the long run.
You just have to know what signs to look for, and thankfully, the internet can provide a litany of examples.
Reddit user, Nonchalant_Calypso, wanted to know when the magic ended when they asked:
"What was the moment you knew your relationship was over?"
Knowing You Have To Spend Any Amount Of Time With Them
"When she came up on caller id and my first thought was 'Ugh.'"
"I had a similar feeling in my first marriage. I'd come home, turn onto our street, see her car already in the driveway, and have the same feeling... 'ugh.'"
When The Drama Is Never-Ending
"When you dread her name coming up on caller ID because you knew it was an argument about nothing. Don’t settle for an angry life."
When You Don't Smile Like You Used To
"I was at my best friend's wedding. When he saw his bride walking down the aisle, he had a grin so big it looked like it could have exploded right off of his face. He was so happy to be marrying this person. And when I thought about my, now-ex, gf I realized that I just didn't feel that way about her."
"I will say, when I married my wife, I was grinning like an idiot."
When Your Day Night Is Awful
"When I realized I dreaded Fridays, our standard date night, and saw it as something I needed to get past before I could start enjoying the weekend."
When The Cheating Was Going To Happen Right In Front Of You
"My ex & I were not living together, but he had the key to my place. I told him that I was gonna go see my parents for the weekend, but then changed my mind last minute because I started feeling sick. I forgot to tell him & just went home after work & went to bed. I woke up around 10pm to get a glass of water & while I was in the kitchen I heard someone fumbling at the door with the lock. I freaked out because I lived on the 17th floor, so if it was a break in, I was f-cked. All of a sudden he walks in..... dragging a tipsy girl in behind him."
"I just stood there while he tried to make up some sort of excuse as to WHY he was there. The girl was pretty shocked too."
When They SUCK
"When I was going through a miscarriage and he couldn’t take me to the ER because he was in fantasy leagues and football was on."
"Damn that goes way beyond just not loving you anymore and into worthless piece of sh-t territory."
When They SUCK. Hard.
"She poisoned my cat 🐈 Mr Noodle"
"Edit: Thanks everybody for the support, and if you're asking: yeah I got the police involved"
When You Fade From Their View
"You can see it in their eyes when they don't love you anymore."
"I'll never forget that feeling."
"You absolutely can. It's like they are looking past you, yet right at you.. ugg. It's terrible .. Been there a few times."
Cheating, Sure, But Completely Misreading The Situation
"The day my mom passed away (the coroner hadn't even come for her body yet) with zero consideration on how I felt and what I was going through my ex-fiancé thought it was great idea and a good time to tell me he has been cheating on me for the last 6 years, and how sorry he was for it."
"He wasn't sorry he did it, but he sorry because the other woman had lied to him about who she really was and he wanted me to comfort him because he felt betrayed by her...."
"When I promptly broke up with him, he asked "wait is this really goodbye?" how could you do this to me now?"
When They Look For The Right Moment In The Wrong Time
"Yeah. Long time girl friend broke it off between us after my Father died. Basically, she felt since I would feel less grief then over us, as I was already feeling so bad about Pop's passing. I later learned, this happens a lot."
After College Break Up
"We were in college and a year before graduation, I was offered a job in a city that wasn’t home for either of us. I was open to moving there or to his home city (I’m from a small town so that wasn’t really an option) but was NOT open to long distance. When I asked him if I should take the job meaning he would only search for jobs in the new city, or if I should reject the job and instead only look for jobs in his home city, he couldn’t give me a straight answer. I should’ve broken up with him on the spot, but it took 2 more months of unhappiness before he broke up with me "
That'll Do It
"i cheated and he found out"
We Tried Everything
"She told me she is gay. We explored polyamory because she wanted a relationship with a woman and I was open to it. We had a triad for a while, but when that ended, things changed. She met a girl about 3 months ago, I would say the first moment I saw them look at each other, I knew she found a love that wasn't what we had. Last night, she told me she can't be my wife anymore. She's my best friend and we have a long road ahead, house, kids, debt. But we'll be okay and work though anything together."
Good Thing She Talked About It
"Was on a voicecall with some of my friends and they asked me to tell the full story of my relationship with the guy. How I met him, ect. I went on to infodump our story from the very start. How he accused me of cheating on him twice, (including once before we even got together), how he slapped me once, and a whole lot of red flags that I announced so casually at the time."
"Knew it was over when I got dead silence from all of my friends when I finished."
Too Close Of A Friend
"She told me she had made a new friend to hangout with while i was at college. I didn’t mind because it was nice to have some freedom (she was really clingy). I started hearing rumors from her friends that she hooked up with this guy but she had my head so messed up that I didn’t believe the allegations. Until 3 months later when the guy dm’ed me a photo of them naked in his car. That was the moment. I was actually glad to get out of the relationship and this was sort of the last straw."
Falling Out Of Love
"When my partner of 5 years told me they might be loving me less and less and that when I asked a few weeks prior what were some of their favourite memorable dates the last one they could think of was 3 years ago"
"really shattered my rose coloured glasses and I realised I couldn't do it anymore"
When Love Isn't Enough
"When my therapist asked why I was staying and my only answer was “I love him”. Sometimes love isn’t enough. Consideration, effort, help, as affection, these all matter and you deserve what you need ."
A Real Lack Of Communication
"when i stopped hoping he’d respond to my messages, and just automatically assumed he wouldn’t."
Not Even Happy About The Happiest Place On Earth
"When there was literally nothing to look forward to... We (she) was making plans to go to Disney world this year just the 2 of us. It was gonna be a family trip but things fell through so we were still gonna go. Instead of being excited for it like most would be. I was dreading it. I couldn't imagine having fun at Disney world with her. Yeah she had a lot of baggage from a lot of different places, it was rough."
Don't feel bad when it has to end. Think of it as a fresh start for you both and make the tough call.
- People Describe The Exact Moment They Realized 'This Person Isn't ... ›
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- People Who Were Only Married Briefly Share The Exact Moment ... ›
- People Share The Exact Moment They Knew They Needed To End A Romantic Relationship - George Takei ›
- People Describe The Exact Moment They Realized 'This Person Isn't Actually My Friend' - George Takei ›
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
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"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.