Secrets have a way of coming out.
No matter how hard someone with privileged information tries to suppress the truth, they almost always wind up spilling some serious tea.
At least that's how it unfolds on dramatic television.
Curious to hear about people in real life on the verge of "accidentally" slipping and revealing a secret, Redditor Redheadedthembo asked:
"What is your dirtiest secret you’re dying to tell someone?"
Some people's hygienic routines are better off unrevealed.
Bad Gag Reflex
"When I brush my teeth, I sometimes stick my toothbrush a little further down so I gag a little."
Two Functions In One
"I don’t shower, because I’m too tired."
Do Not Try This At Home
"I will just say bleaching your butthole is best left to professionals."
These Redditors seemed to have never let go of their active imaginations from childhood.
"That I talk to myself as soon as I know that I'm alone. I pretend that fictional characters I like are watching me and that they're listening to my conversations. I've been doing this ever since I was little and I actually don't know if this is normal or not lmao."
"When I was in high school, Me and my friend would write really random made up stories to each other in class. She would write a bit, than I added onto it, etc. One of our characters was a crocodile, for some weird reason. And she thought it was funny to just randomly write 'crocodile' in a textbook."
"I agreed it was funny (we were 15 and weird) and wrote the word "crocodile" in one of the toilets. We continued for a little bit, writing it here and there. Somehow, it caught on, other people started writing it everywhere, and it snowballed. it went from me writing the word crocodile really tiny in ballpoint pen on a toilet stall, to people vandalizing school property. At that point, I didn't find it funny anymore and wanted it to stop. But nobody could find out I was one of the ones who started it, because they threatened to expel if they ever found the person behind it. It went so far as the school principal threatening to question every person in school to find out if someone knew who started it. I was scared to death someone would find out, because I've always been a goodie two shoes. To this day, nobody outside of that friend knows I was involved, but I've always felt really guilty about starting it.
Some secrets are not harmful but can still be scandalous.
The Employee Who Crossed A Line
"I’m a delivery guy and I actually had that corny porn trope of sleeping with a customer come true. I can’t tell any of my co workers cause it WILL lead up to my boss and I fear I’ll lose my job about it. It was a few years ago now so maybe not, but I’m not really willing to take a chance on it"
Oral Spray Paint
"My fourteen year old has a new beau. He’s lovely. Yesterday they were riding in the back seat of my car. He was being polite & it’s clear he wants me to like him. He was eating those li’l neon orange peanuts butter crackers called Toasted Chee. Mid-bit he laughed & sprayed Toasted chee all over the front seat, the dash, the navigation system, my hair and my face… I had to act like I didn’t notice… And then reassure the poor kid 500 times that he didn’t need to be embarrassed. But it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t tell anyone."
The following users had dark secrets they were willing to share through the anonymity of Reddit
"Sometimes I think about how much easier my life would be without my kids. I love them and I would never give them up but parenting can be A LOT and there is no way to prepare for it."
"having depression, last time i said that ppl laughed at me."
And that's why these are called secrets.
While the urge to reveal them can be powerful, it's a test of our will to make sure our dirtiest little secrets will never be revealed at a social gathering where alcohol is involved.
Because that may or may not happened to me. But that's a story for another time. Shhh.
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You know what the internet is really good at? Keeping secrets.
We super duper promise it's safe with us. No worries about it being screenshotted and shared around for randos to poke and prod at it.
No sir. Not at all...
Just in case, let's give these people the kudos they deserve for being brave enough to offer up their deepest, darkest secrets even their families don't know about.
*The following article contains discussion of suicide.
"What’s the most disturbing secret you are keeping from your friends and family?"
Before we get too serious, let's have a teeny bit of fun.
The Mystery Will Live On For Forever
"Not so much disturbing, but I absolutely never want them to find out that I am the one in the family who draws little smiley faces in random spots for everyone to find."
"Everyone always accuses each other and of course I play along, but I am the one who does it lol"
She's Got It Going On
"I banged one of my mom's friends after mowing her yard."
"Does the friend have a daughter named Stacey?"
Snitches Get Stitches
"Mom believes my dad hired a private investigator and that that's who caught her cheating on him."
"It wasn't a P.I..."
"in reality, I was the one who caught her ON video and completely by chance"
"She'd come for blood if she was ever told the truth"
Life is hard. Sometimes, it's harder for others. And sometimes it's so hard and situations so difficult you can't help but emotionally check out.
Don't Look. Don't Look.
"My second tour in Iraq we were in a nasty firefight when I felt something wet hit the side of my face. I knew the guy next to me had been killed but I was a little too busy to do anything about it. After it was done the corpsman came running over making sure I was ok, and I thought it was because I was covered in the guy's blood. Turns out one of the guy's eyes was basically dangling on the side of my helmet."
Just So Very Tired
"My friends and family don't use reddit, so no throwaway necessary."
"Sometimes, I am passively suicidal. I am so f-cking tired of being alive, but I don't want to kill myself. 1). I'm afraid of what happens or doesn't happen after you die 2). I don't want to hurt them like that, even if I am in a lot of pain. 3). There's still some things I want to do, even though I do feel f-cking worthless/ugly/exhausted. As you can imagine I don't really have anyone to talk about it with, and I don't want to worry the people I love. It's a battle sometimes."
Nothing Beyond Tomorrow
"I can’t imagine the future. People ask me what my plans are and I just don’t know. I have no chance of making plans. There’s just no vision or hope or amount of wishing hard enough to try and plan or predict my own future."
Whatever your reasons are for not telling your family, we give you all the credit in the world for being honest here today.
Wishing For The End
"I have stage 4 breast cancer and a prognosis of stable. I could be here for years and years, doing my treatment and living my life. (Not secret)"
"I don't want to be a cancer patient for years and years. My treatment sucks and it makes me feel sick every day. My brain sucks due to chemo; there are some real cognitive difficulties. I had to give up a career I loved. I'm entry level call center from home now."
"I've been home, not going out to fun places, since March of 2020, because my immune system sucks. It's worth the risk to go to the doctor or my son's parent teacher conference, but not the bar."
"My secret is that every time I make a wish, I wish for the cancer to kill me faster. This existence, feeling like garbage and doing my call center thing so I can afford to feel like garbage, is disheartening and it sucks."
"I'm in therapy and an exercise program and I have hobbies, I'm doing what I can to keep slogging along, but damn. The "I don't wanna" is strong sometimes."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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