As a kid, the zoo seemed like a fantastical place where the animals poked their heads out to see us behind the glass panes or the metal bars, and happily retreated to their expansive lair whenever they felt like it.
Unfortunately, the logistical realities of zookeeping aren't quite so posh.
There often seems to not be enough space for the animals; feeding, mating, and cleaning is a constant, overwhelming battle for zookeepers; keeping ticketed customers happy around somewhat unpredictable animals far from their home habitats can be a nightmare.
If you ever wanted to know just what goes in to maintaining a the average zoo, a recent Reddit thread is for you. Who knew how many experienced zookeepers use Reddit so much?
Many people talked about their zoos' emergency preparedness. The plans in place for when disaster strikes might surprise you.
So Basically Unarmed
"Partner was a zookeeper in Dallas. Safety protocols for when a large, dangerous animal escapes its enclosure dictate that you lock yourself in whatever room you can get to quickest and grab the nearest weapon..."
"...which, for most zookeepers, was a broom or rake for cleaning up animal poop."
Get In Line
"I had to draft the zoo's contingency plan for all sorts of emergencies. Flood, tornado, extreme heat, war or attacks, you name it. The plan included a prioritized list of which animals in the collection we would have to sacrifice to feed to the other animals in extreme situations."
"I literally created a zoo food chain. Humans were left off the list entirely."
"I used to volunteer weekly at a large zoo and at one point management started doing monthly dangerous animal escape drills. Someone would run around in a lion onesie and we'd have to react as if one of the large animals had escaped."
"It was hilarious but one of the funniest things I was taught was that if an incident did occur you have to tell the nearby guests to get inside only once. If after that they refuse to follow you indoors (the protocol was to hole up in the large activity centre buildings) , you're to leave them there, go inside yourself and lock the doors."
"It makes sense because people can be very stupid and you don't want to risk everyone's lives because of one Karen, but it amused me no end that the protocol was to just let them get mauled."
Other zoo workers described the rather bizarre behavior of some animals they've taken care of on the job. Animals, as we know, are often smarter than we think.
So it's best to keep zoo-goers a little in the dark about what's going on.
Keep Your Fruits to Yourselves
"Some people like to bring fruit and stuff to throw into the animals cages, even though they're not suppose to. If you're around and someone throws a pineapple into the gorilla or chimpanzee dens, gtfo. They will throw that thing full blast at someone."
"I saw a man get hit full force right in the side of the head and he was lights out. Pineapple exploded on impact. Paramedics came and everything."
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh MyyyScience is science. Fact is fact. Truth is truth and simple is simple. These are things we must now attest to in 2021. Can we please all get onboard with wha...
"We closed the baboon exhibit because a baboon had a still birth and the troupe was 'grieving.' "
"In reality they were throwing parts of the infant corpse around and there was nothing we could do about it."
Loving on the Buckets
"I worked with large tortoises. We had these 5-gallon buckets for cleaning the poop out of enclosures and other buckets for feeding them fresh grass we cut. The first day on the job I took both buckets into the pen and started by dumping out the grass."
"Then I went around to collect poop. I heard this awful loud grunting and something breaking. One of the 300 lb males tried to bang the bucket in front of visitors and flattened it. He would even follow me around just in case I might leave more innocent buckets unattended."
"Aquariums have captive breeding programs for some of the dolphins and whales, but they are too difficult to transport for mating. So they have to use artificial insemination. Which requires semen samples from whales."
"Which means that it's someones job to get the dolphins and whales in order to collect the sperm. It's part of the animal's training, and the whales will roll over and present their genitals on command."
Finally, some focused on the smell. We know, intellectually, that their must be some truly vile stenches kicking around in the zoo profession.
But apparently, know amount of mental imagination could possibly prepare one for the reality of it.
Train Car for One
"The poor penguin keepers can never quite get rid of the miasma of dead fish that envelopes them. As for me, the stinkiest job I ever had to do was cleaning out the duck ponds."
"Managed to empty a whole train carriage that evening, even though I had changed and my work clothes were double-bagged."
A Solitary Life
"If you work with the animals there's a good chance you'll not be able to have any kind of social life, between the long hours/weekends and the stench."
"I've been kicked out of stores after work because I apparently stunk way worse than I thought I did - even after scrubbing off!"
"And I'm around animals every day, but I still can't stand when otter / sea lion keepers are around me in 'all-hands' meetings. The rotten fish + ferrety otter smell combo is a gagger. Meanwhile, I work with apes, and they say that I smell like I haven't showered in a decade (again...even after I shower)."
"Our camels will spit if you piss them off, and it's not just saliva like most people think."
"You really really really really don't want to upset our camels if you have any plans the rest of the week, please and thank you!"
So next time you find yourself in a zoo, give a nod to the zookeepers you see. You never know that insane things they've seen or touched that morning.
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I have always wondered what it must be like to be a driver. You hear all the good gossip. That's why when I'm in a cab or an Uber I talk quietly, just in case. You know someone is always listening. So beware when you are spilling your tea. You know working "behind the wheel" is a fascinating place.Redditor u/Cicallis wanted to get the scolding hot tea from drivers out there by asking... Chauffeurs who drive around rich people, what are some of the weird/shocking conversations you have overheard?
When I do an an Uber share I am always amazed by what people are willing to let people overhear. Like, do you not know you're still in public when in a car with strangers? I keep it jovial and not personal. Let's see what else our driver's witness...
Oh Billy...billy bob thornton christmas movies GIFGiphy
Billy Bob Thornton was doing radio press for a movie about to come out, meaning he had to stop by 6-7 radio stations for interviews.
He wanted to have a cigarette in the vehicle on the way to the next interview but I had to let him know our company has a no smoking policy in our vehicles.
He asked me to call the owner to make an exception but the owner said no and its a $250 cleaning fee if he smoked in the vehicle.
He asked to stop by a bank, Came out and handed me $5,000 cash and said "here's for the whole Goddam pack."
He smoked in the car the rest of the trip. Later I got up the nerve to ask him if that's the most expensive pack of cigarettes he's ever smoked? All he said was "not even close" (never explained it further)
I think about him often...
In the 80's!
Picked up a wedding party: bride, bridesmaid, and bride's boyfriend who was paying for the wedding. They had a magnum of champagne and we drove around for quite some doing drugs in the back. They were using rolled up $50s and $20s, then tossing them to me in the front seat as tip money.
I dutifully brushed off each bill and added them to my wallet, pretending not to know what was going on.
The "couple" argued off and on about showing up to the wedding, apparently she felt weird about getting married and he was trying to convince her it was a good idea.
Finally dropped them off at the church and he slipped me a matchbook with his name and number written on it.
Yeah, it was the late 80s and I was a young woman, one of the only female limo drivers at the time in that city. Scored a sweet leather jacket with the tips from that night.
So many weird stories.
Reddit Users Share Their Best 'It's A Small World After All' Experience
When we were in high school, my friend used to caddy at a local country club. One guy really liked him and asked if he would be willing to drive him around while he went out partying (this was like 2003 and in a pretty rural area), my friend agreed.
He picked the guy up at like 8pm. Right off the bat, the guy handed him $200. He went to a bar for a little bit, my friend sat in the car.
The guy came out, handed him another $200 and told him he had to visit his "friend" real quick. He went and got a bunch of drugs.
They went to another bar, he handed my friend another hundred dollars and told him to look out the window and turn up the radio.
He came out a couple hours later with a girl (he was married with kids). He handed my friend another $200 and they went back to her house. After they screwed around, he came out and asked to be taken to the beach.
At this point it was like 2-3am. My friend said that the guy slowly walked around the beach, went into the water up to his ankles (in his shoes), threw a bunch of rocks into the water and then sat in the sand for about 45 minutes.
He came back to the car and asked to be driven home. When they got out of the car he hugged my friend and gave him $500 and asked him to never tell anyone what happened.
Have you seen Marie Osmond?
Friend of mine worked for an upscale concierge chauffeur service. His most memorable moment came when he lost Marie Osmond. Fairly simple gig, go to airport and pick up Marie Osmond, who was to be the featured entertainer at a private event.
Plane comes in, he meets her, she has carryon bag but her checked suitcase, containing her stage dresses and makeup, is missing.
She is unflappable, though... asks to be taken to the nearest upscale mall. He does as instructed, she goes into a large upscale department store, selects two long sequined cocktail dresses and goes to the fitting room to try them on (without him, of course).
Unfortunately, there are two entrances and exits to the fitting room, and Marie Osmond exits out through the other side and cannot find my chauffeur buddy, who is waiting patiently on the side she'd entered... 20 minutes passes. He thinks something has gone wrong, so he grabs a female manager and asks her to go into the fitting rooms and ask for Marie Osmond. The manager thinks she is being pranked and declines.
Chauffeur buddy is in mini-panic mode now, running wildly around the store asking random customers "Have you seen Marie Osmond? Have you seen Marie Osmond?" Store security is summoned and he is asked to leave the premises right NOW, He calls his employer and tells them he has lost Marie Osmond. The employer doesn't have her cell phone number but has her agent's number and he is not accepting calls.
She has in the meantime taken a cab to the gig, thinking she has been forgotten. Lots of apologies eventually ensued and there were no repercussions.
The Big GuyBig Guy Gym GIF by StickerGiantGiphy
I used to know a Chauffeur, he ended up driving around some big stars. He was big dude, like 6'8" and super muscular.
His best story was when he was driving around a few WWE (WWF back then) stars, and they awkwardly asked him to not get out and open the door for them because he'd make them look smaller.
Lord... that is a handful of mess. People need to get it together. And I knew Marie Osmond would always be a problem. LOL. Who else has some tales?
Buddy of mine ended up picking up a Netflix producer while doing Uber. He said they had a great conversation as he brought him to his hotel. The producer invited him up for a drink and since my friend was a film student he thought it'd be a good idea to go and try to get some good networking in. They hung out for about an hour when he asked my friend if he knew of any massage places with "happy endings".
He didn't but the guy paid him $500 to bring him to the closest massage place which was only a few miles out. Upon dropping him off he gave my buddy a card and said "there's a big party/festival I'm hosting. That's your ticket in. I'll let you know then if I get that happy ending haha!"
In the Car
I've have multiple people pay me handsomely to let them smoke. Heard a French guy yelling at his wife that $10,000 was too much to pay for 2 bracelets that she bought. Also over heard a lot business deals with absurd amount of money referenced. Like 10's of millions.
OH MYSay Word Lol GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy
He thought I couldn't speak French, heard him telling his wife on the telephone where she should order a strapon.
Get a Benz
Not a chauffeur but this happened because of a lack of one. Basically, a guy I used to know back when we were teenagers (17yrs old) had a lot of money. We just never knew how much until I was invited to go on holiday with him and some other friends, all expenses paid of course.
Anyway, we took a taxi to an area where this guy wanted to buy an apartment and wanted to show us so we went with him and ended up spending the whole day walking around the area. We got tired and eventually wanted to go back to the house but we were so far away that walking was not an option unless we wanted to walk for about 3 hours.
Neither of us had enough cash to pay for a taxi, and back then taxis didn't accept cards (this was around 2000 or 2001 btw) so this guy rings his dad and asks if he could send a chauffeur to pick us up, but the chauffeur turns out was busy doing some deliveries for the dad, so instead the dad says "there's a Mercedes Benz dealer shop near were you are, I know the manager there as I've bought several cars from them, just go there and buy a car with the credit card.
You can leave it in the house and we'll figure out how to bring it home later." So we went to this dealer shop and somehow in about 30 min the manager did all the paperwork and we ended up driving back to the house in a brand new Mercedes C class, which we used for the rest of the holiday.
My sister was in a limo once and asked the driver about his most interesting ride. The driver said that he picked up some models who were going to a PETA demonstration, "I'd rather be bare than in fur" or whatever it was. He got to the location, they stripped naked in the back of limo, and he waited until they were done with the photo op.
The Story of John
Not a chauffeur, but seemed like a good chance to remind people of the story of John Boehner (At the time, Speaker of the US House of Representatives, 3rd in line for the US Presidency) not knowing how to use Uber.
As the story goes, one of his aides downloaded the app onto his phone and showed him how to use it. Unknown to him, he'd been stuck on the carpooling option, uber-pool.
That's what he used for years. There are all sorts of tales of commuters hopping into their carpool and bam, there's John Boehner stuck in a middle seat asking to get dropped off at the Capitol Building.
However you feel about his politics, I think that's pretty funny.
I had a college friend whose parents were friends of Elmo Zumwalt, who told them a story about himself. Shortly after he was appointed Chief of Naval Operations, he went out for a jog on a foggy morning when he was new to the DC area, got lost, and had to hail a cab to get a ride home. The cab driver was friendly and struck up a conversation that went something like this—
Driver: So you got lost, what do you do for a living?
Zumwalt: I'm in the Navy.
Driver: I was in the Navy too! What do you do in the Navy?
Zumwalt: I . . . er . . . run it.
Driver: [shakes head].
Where to Begin?
One of my best friends used to drive Uber in a wealthy area of LA. He told me so many stories about drunk celebs and tiktokers in his car.
- Quentin Tarantino and Trisha Paytas were making out in his back seat when they were secretly dating lol
- Mike Tyson is apparently very nice in person and also a giant pothead
- Somebody on Gossip Girl and her friend were arguing about chicken nuggets and tried to get him to go through a Wendy's drive through during the lunch rush when there were 10 cars already in line
- Addison Rae or one of her friends took their shoes off and left them in the car
- Leo dicaprio took more than 5 minutes to find the car. He seemed out of it and was quietly bobbing his head listening to music on his headphones b**chyfuxkjngbltch34
Wasn't exactly a chauffeur but I did have the distinguished privilege of working with a multimillionaire one time for a couple days and I was just astounded at how out of touch he was with people.
One conversation he was talking about how he hated all the new homes they were building and he liked old castles so he was having a castle in Scotland disassembled and reassembled here in the US piece by piece.
On another occasion he asked me why I wasn't in college yet (the job was after high school and I was working as a plumber) and gave me an "Ohhh right" when I told him I couldn't afford to go yet and had to save up.
A Tiphappy drag race GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy
A small part of my family was Chicago Mafia.
Grandpa told me a story of a family wedding in Chicago they went to in the late 60's.
In the van
About 25 years ago I had a summer job at a very tony country club. Six figure joining fee, five figure continuing membership dues, and that got you nothing but the privilege of paying top dollar for rounds, food, etc.
I was a porter some of the time, as we had cottages on club grounds for members to stay and make a weekend of it. One of my duties was driving members to and from airports - usually private airports for private jets.
One time I'm driving two guys to the airport, and one of them starts complaining.
Seems he and his wife are always fighting over who gets the jet every weekend, and where they want to go.
Well, the other one replied, my third jet is actually just gathering dust right now, since my son went to college. Wanna take it off my hands?
They shook on it right there in the van.
Not a chauffeur but worked as a caterer for private jets and the insane folks who owned them. Had a huge order from what I knew to be a smaller jet so I really wondered about it. When one of the owner's handlers was training a new flight crew, he ordered $12k of meals for a flight that didn't exist just so the new flight attendants could practice the fine points of checking in a catering order.
I listened outside after the food drop as the handler started explaining what to do to six of the most beautiful humans I have ever seen. We provided food for a lesson! The food was wasted. I found it in the dumpster outside one of the hangars the next day.
Front Seatoscars 2017 laughing GIF by The Academy AwardsGiphy
I'll answer for my grandparents.
They owned a limousine business, I believe in the early 2000s, and my grandmother drove Mel Gibson around. She said he was nice and that he had requested to sit in the front passenger seat due to car sickness.
I'm torn... I feel like I want to be a driver just for the writing material but I also fear for my life. How to weigh the options. The crazy is all comedy gold. I do know that for my next taxi ride... I'm gonna be mute.
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There are just too many things we witness throughout life. And there are just some things no human should have to witness. I've lost track on the amount of things I wish I could unsee. Don't you walk away thinking... "Why God? Was that really necessary?" That one moment will almost certainly be one one the moments that you never escape. It's seared into the memory. There when our eyes are open and closed. Awake, asleep, it lingers.Redditor u/Rainbow-Pickel-Squid wanted to hear some stories to get us SHOOK by asking... [NSFW] What's the most f*cked up thing you've seen?
CAUTION!! Going forward, there is some material here not suitable for young eyes. NC-17!!
I'm easy to faint. My knees go weak at the drop of blood, mine or other's. So when I have to witness horrific life moments I try my best to flinch or look away. I just don't have the stomach for it all and my dreams are already rough enough. Let's see what everyone has had to flinch for...
The bruising and swelling of my dad's eyes after being shot in the head during a robbery. He did not make it.
We were at the lake with some friends. We were waiting at the dock for some more people to show up and we're just chilling in our boat. Well another boat came flying in and rammed the boat ramp. I noticed the people inside that boat were trying to lift a person off the floor.
I realized the people were covered in blood so I ran over to help. I jumped in the boat, and there was just pools of blood everywhere. And a dude that had gone face first into then boat propeller. I was 16 and will never forget the sound he was making, like trying to breath. His face was stripped like cut up almost perfectly. His jaw and one of his eyes dangling.
I helped them get him off the boat and onto a towel. Covered in blood, waited for an ambulance to arrive. He ended up dying about 20 min later. Legit didn't sleep for like 2 days. The worst part was there were two little girls in the boat, like maybe 6-8 years old. I can't imagine what trauma it did to them.
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
In the Fires
I was a firefighter for years and saw a lot, but one thing that still sticks with me is trying to perform CPR on someone who had been shot five + times. With the amount of bright red blood squirting out with every compression, we knew he was going to die but had to try something.
Bodies squished beyond recognition in car wrecks was always tough too, especially since it was often a hit and run or drunk driver in the bad wrecks.
Also, CPR on an infant is something that I never want to be involved in or see again in my life.
No one had noticed him...
Day at the lake...
Alice Lake, north of Vancouver toward Whistler, is a popular place to spend a summer day. There's a beach for those who don't mind chilly water, picnic ground, and a wooden pier. Our whole family was out there for a picnic, as were many others, enjoying Saturday in the woodland park.
Suddenly a man is striding through the the various knots of people: "We're looking for a two-year old boy who's gone missing..." The chatter and laughter stops in seconds; some people head for the forest to see if he's toddled up a trail, others to the parking lot or out in their canoe or boat to scour the shore. Nobody finds him.
Attention turns to the dock, usually crowded but now empty. RCMP members have arrived, and a man who has his diving gear in his car volunteers to search offshore; the distraught parents agree. He is in for less than a minute before his head appears. The cops speak with him. Shortly after, the boy's body is lifted from the swim ladder, covered in a sheet, and carried to a waiting ambulance.
The whole beach goes back to their day, but much subdued, many people visibly upset. Word comes that the boy had wandered through the busy pier and tried to climb down the ladder. He fell backwards, his legs hooking on the lowest rung as he went upside down and drowned.
No one had noticed him.
In the Box
The corpse of a woman who was in a metal box for 50 years.
I work at a cemetery and was helping with an exhumation. This person was in a metal casket. I was fairly new at that point and I had only seen bones so far so I wasn't expecting much different. I suppose the smell and the fact that the senior guys were wearing rain gear on a cloudless day should have clued me in on this being different. We had dug down to the casket, but here was difficulty with getting the casket out of the ground.
It was decided that we would get the doors off, remove the body, then remove the rest of the casket. For whatever reason I was the one told to get in the hole and open the doors to the casket once they were exposed. After ripping on the door to force it open I was met with a few seconds of pure, abject horror as I gazed upon the desiccated, lipless, eyeless face of a woman who was buried 50 years earlier, now 4 feet away from mine.
She still had teeth and hair, her eyes and nose had collapsed, and the rest of her exposed skin was some ghastly mix of yellow, green and blue. The bottom of the casket had a layer of yellow/green fluid that made me unable to swallow any of my saliva for the next hour without feeling the urge to throw up.
I was able to get somewhat over it and helped rig some spinal board thing with some ropes so we could slide it beneath her to lift her out of the hole (which was only 3.5 feet deep or so).
We had to prop up her upper body with a pitchfork to be able to slide the board beneath her, it was surprising how stiff and heavy she was. We got her into a temporary cardboard casket and she was loaded into the van of the coroner/funeral home people. I think the family had bought a mausoleum and that's why she was being transferred. So far that's the only really intact body that I've come across at work, people are usually dirt or bones by the time they can be disinterred.
Ok. I'm already grabbing for my vodka. I mean... helping someone with no face, from a blade propeller? I don't even know where to start. And I really don't want to. I'm taking a deep breath and then I'll try to continue...
On the Inside
Infected coronary bypass wound which ate through the sternum and rib cage, the patient had a hole in her chest and the whole heart, part of the lungs were visible. Disgusting and interesting at the same time.
Do Not Operate
A safety instruction video from where my cousin used to work. it was about how NOT to operate heavy machines. It was a security footage. A guy came up to the machine, he tripped and fell right into it. It started spinning him around, after a few seconds it ripped his legs and arms off, the floor was covered with his organs.
Happened last week. We were at a bar sitting on the patio. Hear a loud screech and then a thump. Someone drunk a-hole had hit a pedestrian going ~50 mph in this tiny, pedestrian friendly street. What makes it really messed up is that the victims legs came flying off. Like all the way off.
Didn't even land near the dude. Cops and ambulance were there real quick and we saw them loading the guy up quite clearly missing important body parts. I keep checking the news and there's been no word about his status.
I used to fix computers back in the 90s. Y'all have no idea how much messed up crap people download. Holy crap the amount of horrific violence I came across is absolutely insane, and a lot of times the stuff wasn't even hidden, they'd save to their desktop or something.
I called the cops every time I saw stuff that was actually illegal, of course, but you can't unsee that horror. It was horrible. It really messed me up.
On the Cam
That one dashcam video where a family are driving along and a pole or a plank of wood or something falls off a wagon in front of them, comes right through the windscreen impaling the mum, instantly killing her. You don't actually see anything though, it's the audio that gets you.
Edit: It was a brick.
My father in law was an EMS director for 30 years, and he said he still has nightmares about giving babies CPR from a drowning, choking, etc.. He said those were the worst calls, and nothing else comes close. He felt so helpless - even though he knew the babies were gone the parents would scream for him not to stop trying to resuscitate.
Uncle was a firefighter, on his day off he passed a car that smashed into a bridge, family of 4, car on fire, everyone was stuck inside screaming. Uncle tried to save them but it was too hot, watched them all burn. He quit firefighting, had some pretty severe PTSD.
Don't Drink and Drive!
I'm a volunteer firefighter and was deployed for a road crash.
A drunk driver smashed into a couple who was driving on the opposite line, the two bodies were torn apart, blood and guts everywhere in the car. I picked up a mobile phone between the girl's feet and the locking screen was a pic of her with a maybe 2-3 weeks baby, i learned later that it was their son.
The drunk driver made it with minor injuries.
I once watched a child kill a rabbit with his bare hands. The thought of it still bugs me and I won't go near the kid.
So, I was visiting some of my large extended family one year, say about 10 years ago. My uncle has 3 kids and they had a little hobby farm at the time. More just a bunch of odd farm like animals, but whatever.
This story is about the youngest, who was about 6 at the time.
I was out in the yard saying hello to the little baby goats when I look over and I see my little cousin trying to grab one of the rabbits. I have seen him pick them up before and while he's a little rough, they don't seem to mind.
Well not this time. This time the little bunny bit him. Not like enough to take off a finger or even draw blood, but enough to piss my little cousin off something fierce. I was about to go see if he was ok when I noticed that we wasn't crying, so I figured he was fine.
Next thing I know, he's grabbed the rabbit by the throat and it's freaking eyes are bugging out. It's mouth opens up and it's tongue is sticking out, then it makes this ungoddly sound and then stops kicking.
The little devil just tosses it aside and walks off to go play with the ducks. Like nothing happened.
Gave me the most unnerving feeling at the time and I'm still not sure about that kid.
Best friend was shot/murdered in front of me when I was 17. Had issues with the wrong people and we were in his house watching TV when 2 guys kicked in the door and shot him. It happened so fast that I was still on the couch when they ran out.
On the Highway
I saw a girl run across the highway and get hit by a semi on a highway in Mississippi. I stopped and she was definitely dead, it was obvious there was nothing to be done. A bunch of people rushed out from the nearby group of trailers and started picking up her things and take her jewelry. I'm not sure what was going on, really.
A few of them were yelling at a man that was standing there and from the conversations is kind of put together she was running from him. I'm not sure if she jumped out on purpose or didn't see the truck. That's not the only fatal accident I've been the first person to the scene but I'm on mobile and that's enough for now.
When I worked in the prison service I saw a bloke who had choked on his own vomit, that was pretty tough. He wasn't dead when I saw him but he did die later. Also saw a prisoner airlifted to hospital after he'd managed to throw a vat of boiling oil over himself.
I use to serve in the Coast Guard. We got a call for a floating body in the river. We pull up on what appeared to be a middle aged man belly up. We could see that his stomach had swelled from being in the water awhile but couldn't figure out was in between his legs. As we got closer, we realized his nut sack swole but 4 times the size. Needless to say that vision is forever in my head.
I'm glad that's over. I can't continue on the Reddit thread and I wish you all well if you choose to. But I really hope we're all getting therapy. After reading all of that, it's proof all humans need it.
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There is a reason why we hide our most vulnerable selves from friends and family. We don't want them to worry.
Because who wants to be around a Debbie Downer?
But suppressing your darkest secrets is not good for your well-being, and there never seems to be an appropriate social situation to have a deep conversation that could bring rain clouds.
Fortunately, Reddit offered the perfect place for people to anonymously lighten their burdens.
Strangers divulged a dark part of themselves when Redditor creativusername69420 asked:
Some people prefer to be alone. Others don't.
"I talk to myself when I'm alone all the time. Mainly when driving. People say it means you're crazy, but it's just how I like to process my thoughts."'
Happy Birthday To Me
"I sang Happy Birthday to myself on my 16th birthday."
"My mum works interstate, so she wasn't home much. My stepdad was in jail. I had severe trust issues. No one that I called friend."
"So on my 16th, I was just hit with one of my more depressive and lonely episodes as I laid in bed home alone. I got up and went to the bathroom, and I stared at myself in the mirror, not recognising the face that stared back. And sobbingly sang happy birthday to myself."
"No one in my real life knows, and most likely, no one ever will."
All By Myself
"I don't consider it sad anymore but I've been single my entire life. Before anyone asks I'm 37 and no I'm not a virgin. I've just never been in a relationship."
Presence Of Death
Death is inevitable. That doesn't mean it's easy to talk about.
"I'm scared that when my dad dies, I'll have to give the eulogy. I have nothing good to say about him."
Words From A Cancer Patient
"I have been diagnosed with cancer and nobody in my family knows. My Dad is an elderly hypochondriac (not clinically) that makes a huge deal out of every little thing. Having him know and having to listen to him continually ask about it, give me advice and explain why I should feel like sh*t about having cancer would be worse for me mentally than actually having cancer. I was diagnosed 18 months ago and I am just under observation at the moment. Fortunately it is not progressing, so I got that going for me. Advice: when someone is sick acknowledge it, let them know you are thinking about them and don't make it the center of regular conversation. A couple of my friends know and I update them after my screenings. Other than that we rarely even mention it. Which is perfect."
First off, thank you for all the kind words and well wishes. I really was not expecting it. I am not sure if this is the best way to answer some common questions or comments I received, but here it goes. I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and it was caught very early. I had swollen lymph nodes in my neck that never went away, so I went to the doc. A few scans, bloodwork and a biopsy later I was diagnosed. My type of lymphoma frequently progresses very slowly. It could be years before I have any significant cancer-induced medical issues. Since the treatments have risks themselves, it is normal to watch it closely rather than jump right in to treatment. Surprised me as well, so I got a second opinion. They agreed. I thought any cancer diagnosis means you will be rushed off immediately. Nope. My doctor is awesome, so I am in good hands. 2. I think people like my Dad mean well, they just can't help themselves. He took care of my mother 24/7 for years until she passed away. He is a caregiver at heart, but DAMN can he smother you with concern. 3. My wife and I have a good sense of humor about it."
"When it is my turn to empty the dishwasher I hold my neck and tell her I can't because it makes my cancer hurt..... she is not buying it. Thanks again for the kind words and awards. It really brightened my day."
"I went to see my nan in hospital before I went to Canada. I knew in my heart it was probably the last time I'd see her. (It was.) Because my father was with me - and because of how he was - I didn't let myself say everything I should have."
"She knew I loved her. I know that. But I wish I'd said goodbye better than I did. Love you, nan."
Grieving A Best Friend
"I still reach for my phone to call and text my best friend who died in November of 2019. Then I get angry. I also compare all of my friends to her, find them lacking, and avoid them, even though it's not their fault. I'm bitter as hell. F'k cancer."
The following Redditors need to know they are loved for who they are.
Struggle With Self-Hatred
"I struggle with self hatred pretty badly. I'm a grown adult and it's a common struggle with wanting to self harm. I want to get help, but at the same time I don't because I feel like I deserve to feel pain."
"It's obviously not something you disclose to friends and family. Nobody even knows. I hide all my cuts and scars in plain sight because I do parkour and combat sports. Cuts and bruises are expected."
The Side We Show
"I feel like my outward personality is just a character I play."
"I know I'm not the only person who feels like this but I think its hard to be open and honest to someone and let them get to know me because I don't want them to hate me."
While the comments above are depressing, they are real struggles and feelings people choose to deal with on their own.
It is ultimately up to them to open up and discuss their vulnerabilities, and we should never pressure our friends to open up at the first sign of internal struggles.
A general good rule of thumb should always be to treat people with kindness.
Beware of every single flash bulb pointed in your direction. And think not twice, but five times before you post anything of yourself on the internet, especially if it's in a certain "delicate or salacious" nature. This isn't the twentieth century anymore, when you could just burn a poorly thought out polaroid. And of course there seems to be an uptick in everyone just freely exposing themselves to the world... for free. The internet means it all lives forever. Be ready.Redditor u/BrixtonsFinest2 wanted to hear from everyone out there who has been witness to seeing their online and private lives collide by asking... People who post NSFW content: Has anyone from your real life ever found out? What happened?
I get antsy when people post shots of me in unflattering lighting. I can't image how my anxiety would skyrocket if I discovered that a lover had posted us. I'd change my identity. So that is why I find people, who are not sex workers and pornstars, who just litter the web with their bodies, doing all sorts of mess so freely so interesting. Like... good for you, but... are you sure?
***The following is definitely for the above 17 crowd.***
Whateves...shania twain whatever GIFGiphy
I once accidentally sent to a friend with the same name as an ex. After explaining the mistake he asked if he could have more. I ended up sending a few more. It weirdly never became sexual between us. He was just like thank you and we moved on lol.
Mark of the Beast
A customer got pissed off at me and posted my video to a bunch of porn sites once. A friend who knew what I did found the video and let me know so that I could get it taken down. Interestingly, I've never had sex with this friend before, but I've taken my clothes off around him enough that he was able to recognize a birthmark that I have even though I wasn't showing my face. Another funny part of this is that before telling me that he'd found my video, he spent a minute explaining why he had searched stuff that led him to finding the video (the video was kinda kinky and taboo).
One of the lawyers at my previous job sent me something by mistake. It was only a 'lewd', what she was wearing was lace and you can kind of see through it but nothing too revealing.
I sent her a text back saying "Uh, don't be embarrassed, but I don't think you meant to send this to me." She replied back "OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY!!!" Told her not to worry about it. Then she texted "do you at least think my boyfriend will like it?" with a bunch of cry-laughing emoji's. I replied "He'd be pretty dumb if he didn't!" Then I deleted the convo. We never mentioned it again afterwards.
I used to have an alternate Facebook account and was in private groups with "T&A" posts. (Tits and A**)
I used to post a lot of pictures on there (super insecure and lonely part of my life where validation from internet strangers was everything) and some guy found my real account and found my dads account. He sent them all to him. But unbeknownst to him, I was the one who set up my dad's Facebook account so I just logged into it and deleted the messages before he saw them.
Well, since I don't plan to run for office I guess I can finally tell this story.
More than 20 years ago I appeared on a North American cable TV show that was discussing "interesting" sexual behaviours: this episode was about BDSM Pony Play. [ note: if you don't know what Pony Play is then have fun finding out from someone other than me, and no I don't do any BDSM stuff any more I am a much different person now ] :)
I was wearing my Gear, my voice was muffled a bit, totally covered except for my eyes. There was nothing explicit shown on the show, but still it's odd/entertaining to explain Pony Play to regular people. Show finally airs, months and months later, on a Saturday late-night slot.
ONE GUY at work saw that show when it aired.
Guy comes up to me on Monday morning. "So have you ever seen [name of show]"
"No I don't stay up that late."
"It sure looked like you were on that show the other night"
"Couldn't tell you, I don't watch it."
"Pretty sure I saw you on your knees dressed up like a horse."
"The only time you'll see me on my knees is in the Server room trying to fix the Oracle server, bud."
Other than that there was no fall-out, personally or professionally. All in all I'd give it a rating of 6/10 would probably not do again.
I don't know who has more moxie, the people posting or the people who confront the posters. Like, if I found my Christian neighbors engaging in less than Godlike activities while searching for bananas on the web I would be too flabbergasted and embarrassed -for them- to bring it up. Even if I was carrying a grudge against them I'd rather stay quiet. I have enough drama, I don't need to understand theirs.
Let's SwapSo Excited Reaction GIF by OriginalsGiphy
Several years ago, I described a fairly NSFW situation that took place – appropriately enough – at my job.
Someone who used to work at the same place (and who had been present for the event in question) read my account, recognized the details, and reached out to me, intent on confirming that we knew each other.
We wound up swapping a few messages, then wishing one another well.
It was pretty dull, actually... but we both had a good laugh about the situation.
Accidentally sent a penis pic to a good female friend of mine that had the same name of the chick I was dating. She asked what the hell I was doing I told her it was a mistake and asked her to delete it. She said she did.
Fast forward a couple months after her and I broke up and I get a pic of my friend in lingerie. I politely ask her what she is doing and she said sent it by mistake. The next day, same thing. After the third day she tells me she didn't send it to me by mistake. We started dating shortly after that. Found out that she saved that pic I sent instead of deleting it.
The Prude Meltdown
I post on a social platform that is for adults and their various kinks. Funniest thing was when my husband and I were dating and started getting serious, he showed me his profile to explain and let me know a bit more about what he was into. I laughed and showed him my profile. Apparently we had both created profiles about a week or two before we met on a different site in a chatroom. Then there was the time at one of my old jobs where my co-workers found out that my husband and I were on there and one person had a prude meltdown freaking out about how terrible and unnatural it was to do various things.
And how dare we have the audacity to even show those things, and try lecturing us about how our marriage was going to fail since we were obviously just using each other for sex and the only way to save our marriage was to have a monogamous traditional relationship where occasional bjs were as kinky as it got. Besides her though, a majority of our co-workers were also on that site but we just ran in different circles.
We were on a break...break up GIFGiphy
I briefly posted on r/gonewild, when my now husband and I were broken up for 7 months. A friend of my husband's saw it, but didn't bring it up until a couple of years later. We all had a good laugh about it. I'm not really shy about people seeing me naked.
Let this all be a life lesson. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults engaging is shocking online adventures. And if that is how you roll, then roll on. Just be really, really, reeeeeeeaaaally sure. The internet sleuths today and of the future will always "out" you.