Top Stories
Woman stressed at work

Jobs That Seem Easy But Are Actually Incredibly Challenging

People Share Red Flags To Look For During A Job Interview That Scream 'Toxic Workplace'

People Share Red Flags To Look For During A Job Interview That Scream 'Toxic Workplace'
Van Tay Media/Unsplash

Interviewing for a new job is just as much time for the employer to see if you're a good fit as it is for you. There are a few things that you might want to ask about to get a good idea of the workplace culture.

The answers to those questions are going to paint you a good picture of what it's like to work there. And sometimes that picture is not pretty.

Toxic work environments are not worth the headache, even if it's a good paying job. We made a list of some of the red flags to look out for in the job interview.

Redditor RexJgeh asked:

"What are some red flags during job interviews that scream 'toxic workplace?'"

Take notes!


They didn't have an answer.

"I asked the manager, "What are you most proud of when it comes to your staff?'"

"They couldn't think of anything."

- carolinatraveler

"One time I asked an interviewer what their favorite part of working there was and her response was, 'Umm….. Umm…. Honestly, I'm not sure let me think.'"

"Literally it took her 30 seconds to come up with anything and her only response was, 'We start really early in the morning so it's great to get off work at 2:00.'"

"Lmao BYE!!!"

- waterbaby333

"I'm going to try to remember this, and use it next time it seems fitting. I enjoy asking bosses questions that don't beat around the bush, like 'What am I doing wrong and how can I improve?' when they come to my work area complaining about stuff. They have NEVER EVER had an answer yet."

- WatchRare

"I took a job that seemed very promising. The first month was gold. We were making progress, adding to the team, etc. by month three, things all but shifted. The owner was lying to clients, work was entirely disorganized and their moods went from optimistic to scared."

"At my 90 day review, which was actually my 110 day review, the boss asked me what I was proud of. And because of the tension of the last week and my decision to leave because of the chaos, I literally said 'I appreciate my ability to stay tall in a windstorm. But aside from that, nothing.' We ended the meeting and I decided to put in my notice, but I figured I'd give it more thought, so I decided not to be impulsive."

"For whatever reason I decided to give it another week. And the boss gives me a call and cowardly laid me off and gave me a 12k severance. Glad I didn't quit."

- SPAREustheCUTTER

Time is everything.

"The shorter the interview, the more desperate the company is to just hire someone."

"Bonus points if the person currently in the position you're interviewing for has worked there for less than a year."

- EfficientAnteater995

"Literally had a single 30-minute interview (that I thought was an initial) for a major position (that wasn't even the original position I applied for) and was offered the job about an hour later."

"…run away"

- Lit-Nerd-14

"Only if they offer you the job. If you have a short interview and dont get an offer, it means you bombed the first couple of questions and they had more to do with their time."

"Source: recently went through dozens of interviews with unqualified candidates and after one where the guy had no relevant experience and couldn't answer basic questions like 'in a project, do you identify yourself as a leader, work horse, or other?'"

"We had to have a serious talk with the recruitment team about the folks they were greenlighting for interviews."

- ironwheatiez

Unnecessary overtime.

"I was trying to find a better advertising job and during an interview I asked about how much overtime I could expect."

"Owner of the company goes, 'Well, you know, we try to get home on time, we do try. But, hey, this is the life we chose.'"

"Dude, you make billboards for restaurants...you're not saving lives here. The most frustrating part about working in advertising is that so many of the late nights could be avoided with slightly better management and less over-promising to the client. Glad I'm out of it, now."

- SeaTie

"This is something I had to emphasize to a manager. My office was hit hard by COVID, and I happily put in the overtime, and still do when we get hit by surges of COVID work, because delays can literally mean death."

"But before COVID, we were a 40 hour a week office with very rare overtime. COVID seemed to transform the expectations that we'd just stay on our extended schedules forever, and would take in that much more routine work to replace COVID work."

"But I don't want 30 extra hours of routine overtime work. No one dies because we aren't doing that work. I could make 3 times as much elsewhere with the expectation that I work 80 hours a week. I intentionally chose the lower-paid, 40-hour job."

- Fadnn6

"The last place I worked at the Marketing staff had a saying 'the struggle is real.' The Marketing manager wasn't allowed to talk to the Technology department UI developer because the developer thought the manager was way too mean."

- BlackDogMagPie

"Advertising is one of the most fucked up, toxic industries I've ever worked in. No client, agency trust. Many many agencies' only competitive edge is to underprice their work. Work their employees to death without batting an eye. Don't distribute their revenue streams so they lose a client and there goes 40% of their billing and subsequently their staff. Employees constantly throwing each other under the bus. And employees are grossly underpaid."

"Definitely don't miss going into work and seeing 1/3 of the company gone one day and wondering if I'm next."

- bensonnd

Parents Explain Which Things Surprised Them Most When Their Child Moved Out | George Takei’s Oh Myyy

Look for the subtext.

"'Fast-paced, dynamic environment' can be code for 'look, we don't have our sh*t together.'"

- KinkMountainMoney

"'Expect to be putting out a ton of fires.'"

- ur_boy_skinny

"'We all wear several hats here!' = You'll work 5 different jobs and get paid for 1."

- hideyourbeans

"'You'll wear many hats,'" means they're going to make you do what should be the jobs of several different people."

- Redd_October

"Got told once for my first job's orientation: 'No one here is above cleaning toilets! We all help each other out,' …. Actually, I didn't go to school to clean sh*t off of the company toilets sorry."

- waterbaby333

"This one makes me mad. When I was first hired to fix the organization I'm currently at, the department head would not place our buildings on the janitorial rotation. It wasn't because there was no funding for it or anything, oh no, it was because that was what the night shift was for. I couldn't believe how insulting he was and that he felt it was perfectly acceptable to make employees clean toilets that every staff member used. We have janitorial services now, but dang that made me angry back then."

- nunchucket

Work and play.

"'We work hard and play hard here.'"

- trizzleatl

"Also known as, 'There's a lot of overtime, but we put up a Ping-Pong table to make up for that. Also we have weekly social events that we legally can't force you to attend, but that you really should attend.'"

- Rannasha

"Also, the Ping-Pong table isn't in a separated space so in case someone does play, the people who are trying to focus on their work will look like d*ckheads if they try to speak up about the noise! It's a cool new way to create unnecessary strife between coworkers!"

- CitrusyDeodorant

The desperation.

"No interview, just, 'Can you start tomorrow?'"

- _BIG_DUMB_IDIOT

"Lol the only time I've heard this was when I was applying to summer jobs in high school and one place I applied to was Vector marketing (a pyramid scheme company). Luckily, someone told me it was a pyramid scheme before I actually started 'working' there."

- Think_Tie8025

"When I was young, I had an interview at a car wash."

"It wasn't 'start tomorrow,' it was 'start right now.'"

- Thneed1

"I was kind of put off when my current job was pretty much that, but I kinda knew why. COVID gave them a lot more work than they had employees for, I was recommended by someone we both knew, and they guy I was replacing was only leaving after 6 years to start his dream career."

Still very off putting when I didn't send in a resume... I don't even think I told them what I was doing for work at the time."

"But they treat me well and were completely prepared if I came in with absolutely 0 knowledge of the field. Almost 2 months in and it's great. I guess it varies from job to job."

- irishdude1212

A few Redditors mentioned there are some jobs that just don't need an extensive interview process.

"Literally any job in food service lmao."

- robotred12

"That led to one if my best jobs. Not even 'can you start tomorrow?' But 'can you start right now?'"

"The job was with a catering company, washing dishes for cirque de soleil. The dude paid me 15$/hr to wash dishes (this was like 10 years ago to). When I got a gig playing a show 4 nights a week he was cool with it and told me to chase my dreams and let me work the other shifts, hiring a pt guy to cover my lost shifts."

"Everyone there was super friendly and we had a lot of laughs."

- UniverseBear

If the first person you see isn't having a good time...

"Irritable and/or nasty receptionist."

"Just don't even bother trying to navigate the minefield of a place where even the person who is paid to smile can't quite manage it. Life is too short."

- adhdmademenotdoit

"I used to be able to avoid applying places where people didn't seem happy. Not a thing anymore. And you can barely trust Glassdoor."

- thebuzziest

"Lmao I looked up a company I was applying to once and saw a Glassdoor review from someone who gave it 5 stars and really talked it up. I googled their name and they were the f*cking CEO pretending to be someone in a lower position. Red flags for me."

- SuperSaiyanTrunks

"They have a high turnover rate."

- gokakarotku

"It is very easily one of the questions you ask the interviewer, 'How many people have joined the company in the last two years?' If the answer is a lot, but don't have growth of the company to show for it, that means it's just people quitting that they need to backfill. I've also asked 'What is the average tenure of people in your group?' to get a sense for how long people have been willing to work for this manager."

- FreeDummy

"Turns out the opposite can be a problem as well. At my current job, the vast majority of my coworkers have been there 20-30 years. Not a great environment."

- ka36

Co-workers are not family.

"'We're a family here.'"

"Fell for that once. Never again. It was family until people got greedy and backstabbed each other. It's also where I came up with the 'drowning cat' analogy. If a cat is in water, it will claw the absolute sh*t out of anything it can to get out of the water. Get enough of them together and they will shred each other to pieces and still get nowhere (no, I would never do this, it's an analogy...)."

- 1234_Temp_qwer

"Dude, my family is abusive. When they say this, I cringe."

- Seaweed_Cold

"The family one is a huge red flag for me. I worked at a place that always talked about the team members being like a family. It meant you felt horrible about calling in sick, they'd guilt you into working over time because of the culture, and when you finally put in your leave or told them you where leaving you where treated like nothing. Bosses use the family thing to guilt you into being a slave!! My boss even tried to guilt us into coming in on the weekend and working for free!!!"

- Turtbergs

"Crab bucket mentality it's called."

"Crabs will pull other crabs down if they try to escape a bucket rather than climb out themselves."

- Tkieron

A current employee gave a tip.

"An employee looks up at you and slowly shakes their head while you are on a tour with management..."

"This happened while I interviewed at a competitor to my former employer. They were trying to poach me, and I was sick of my previous employer, so I went in and talked. They talked a good game and nearly had me convinced to join. We went through on a final tour and one of the employees made a subtle "stay away if you know what's good for you" gesture towards me while I was walking by."

"That guy saved me a lot of heartache because 6 months later the company lost a major contract, laid off 25% of the team and cut everyone else's pay by 25%+. I only know because one of my former colleagues went there and it hurt him financially."

- 1234_Temp_qwer

"What a legend."

- 97Andersuh

Just creepy vibes.

"I interviewed for an administrative management position with a smaller magazine publisher. There were rumors about the owner of the publication (not an easy person to work for)."

"I sit with an interview panel first for thirty minutes - Shipping Manager, Accountant, Legal, Layout Editor. Each of them introduces themselves in a very clipped manner. Each asked one question, read from a piece of paper. As I answered the question, no one took notes, no one asked any backup questions."

"Then I met with the CFO. The receptionist had to go back to her desk to get the office keys because the CFO's office door was locked. It was always locked. Meet with the CFO, and he asks the exact same four questions the panelists asked. He, too - no notes, no follow up questions."

"The I met with the owner. His office looked like it was meant to be a training room. Huge amounts of space, and lots of dead-animal themes art-ing up the place. I sat with the owner for about an hour. It seemed a pretty reasonable discussion. Then the final couple of questions."

"Him: 'You've met most of my primary managers. What do you think?'"

"Me: 'To be honest, they all seemed disinterested in the interview.'"

"Him: 'I know they are. I'll make the decision on who to hire. I just want them to have a favorite.'"

"*DING DING DING DING*"

"Effing creeepy vibes. Lock-down environment. Managers dealing with a psycho boss. And the money person's office always locked? Nope."

- Yabloski

Employers who are desperate will say anything to make you work for them. It's important to keep your eyes and ears open for red flag that clue you in on what's really going on.

From Your Site Articles
workplace

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
work

People Break Down The Biggest Bombshells Their Therapist Ever Dropped On Them

Therapist talking during session
Photo by Mark Williams on Unsplash

Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.

It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.

Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:

"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"

Communication Issues

"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"

- maggiebear

"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."

"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."

"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."

- chobani_yo

"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"

- Reddit

Emotional Regulation

"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"

"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."

- lil_mermaid

Tough Relationships

"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"

"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."

"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."

- metric88

High-Stress Situation

"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."

"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."

- KittenGr8r

The End of Alcohol

"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."

"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."

"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."

"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"

"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."

"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"

"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."

"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."

- sophies_wish

Acceptance vs. Enjoyment

"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"

"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."

- alibelloc

Emotionally Immature Parents

"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."

- SmokedPears

Not So Lazy

"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."

"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."

"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."

"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."

- flybyknight665

The Harm in People-Pleasing

"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."

- ERsandwich

Agree to Disagree

"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"

This really changed my outlook on planning family events."

- freef

Grieve and Start Anew

"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."

"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"

"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."

- squeaktoy_la

Multifaceted Identity

"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."

- unfairpegasus

Breaking the Cycle

"They validated me."

"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."

"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."

"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"

- puppsmcgee74

The Grieving Process

"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."

"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."

"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"

"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"

"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."

"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."

- Hannibal680

Sharing the Load

"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."

"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."

"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."

"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."

"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."

"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."

- Backupusername

The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.

It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.

therapy

People Describe The Most 'Small Town' Thing They've Ever Witnessed

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

living

The Wittiest Things People Have Ever Heard Someone Say

Two women laughing
Photo by Dave George on Unsplash

Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.

More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.

Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.

Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.

Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:

"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"

Don't Give Me So Much Credit...

'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."

"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."

"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."

"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"

"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher

Eternal Optimism...

"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."

"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465

Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...

"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”

"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”

"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia

Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office Giphy

Double Whammy!

"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."

"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93

Can't Hide Your DNA...

'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."

"She cracked the code."

"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93

Self-Sufficient!

"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."

"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."

"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'

"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody

Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations Giphy

A Miracle!

"My brother-in-law’s comment."

"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."

"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."

"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."

"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."

"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."

"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"

"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn

Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...

"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."

"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."

"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."

"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."

"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379

Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K. Giphy

A Bit Too On The Nose?

"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."

"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."

"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."

"'What would you expect to find there?'"

"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB

Not Yet, Anyway...

"I was working with my friend and his dad."

"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."

"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."

"His dad asked, 'what for?'"

"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."

"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890

Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...

"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."

"She told this story to him:"

"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."

"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."

"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."

"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."

"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."

"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."

"She asked him what was wrong."

“'What’s wrong???'"

"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714

On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO Giphy

Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...

"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."

"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52

Read The Room People!

"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."

"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."

"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"

"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl

There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".

As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.


witty