Have you ever had someone say something to you so wildly out of pocket that it kind of hurt your brain?
Or been the person having a Jessica Simpson style "Is it chicken, or is it fish?" moment?
Real talk, it's usually option 2 for me. Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth surprises even me.
Reddit user Correct_Huckleberry4 asked:
"What's the dumbest thing someone has ever told you?"
We're going to start with my contribution.
I once asked the dude I was dating how they got the yellow lines on and off the field so quickly to mark the downs during a football game we were watching on TV.
I was a whole adult who absolutely understands digital technology. I have no excuses. The brain just called in sick that day.
That might be the case for some of these folks, too?
Catching Up
"I was going 30 mph in a 30 zone. The police station is on the street, so I'm always super cautious there."
"Anyway, an officer pulled me over and claimed I was going 50. I got his dashcam footage, it clearly showed me NOT speeding, but part of the footage, you can see the police officer going 40 mph to catch up to me."
"Someone defended the officer by saying, 'If you were REALLY going 30, then why did the officer have to drive 40mph to catch up to you???' "
"I'm like:"
" 'I'm going to assume you're joking here. But if, by some bizarre circumstance, you're actually being serious - in order to catch up to anything, you have to go faster than it. If I was going 50, he wouldn't have ever caught up going 40.' "
- RpTheHotrod
Cop Car Police GIF
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Tyson Didn't Introduce Himself
"I once found a big bulldog in my back yard. I don't own a bulldog."
"He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy. He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local. I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors."
"As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard. So another case closed for our young detective."
"I walked over to them and said, 'You guys missing a bulldog?' "
"The mother looked at me and said, 'Is his name Tyson?' "
"The question took me aback. I mean, he didn't have tags. They knew he didn't have tags."
"So all I could think to say was, 'He didn't say. But I'm pretty sure he's yours.' "
"To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was."
- Spodson
Sometimes North Is Downhill
" 'Water runs downhill, which is south. Water cannot flow north because that’s uphill.' ”
"They were very surprised to hear the reality."
- aosky4
"Ok I used to believe this when I was a kid too because we lived in the south next to the sea so all the Rivers did flow south."
- Major-Peanut
"I met a guy who thought ships at sea went faster going South because it was downhill."
- crosseyed_mary
Natural Wonders
"That they thought Mount Rushmore was a natural wonder. They literally thought it appeared in nature that way."
"She was dead serious. She was 17 at the time."
"She got mad that a teacher said Mt. Rushmore was man made and told the teacher as much - in front of the class! then told me after class the teacher was a liar.
"That brain went on to work at a Federal Agency."
- Argyleskin
"Good thing those guys all won their elections then."
- DocBullseye
"Yeah… about that. I had that same assumption as a very young child."
"I pondered the implications a lot. Was it destiny? Did people who looking similar to the mountain take advantage to further their careers? Was there a god after all?"
"It was a lot for a 5-year-old to wrestle with, so eventually I just put it aside, never to be thought of again."
"Then when I was 16 someone mentioned something about the in-process crazy horse 'by the same guy who did Mt Rushmore.' ”
"Mind. Blown. I can be a real f*cking idiot."
- BustaferJones
Microwaves
"When the directions on a microwave meal say to keep the item in the microwave for some time after finishing its to allow the 'extra microwaves to get out of that food so it doesn't hurt you!' "
- larryeddy
"My mom always told my siblings and me to not stand in front of the microwave because we would inhale the microwaves coming out and get cancer."
- handy_dandy_andy
"I had a friend who, in his late teens, insisted that microwaved food 'trapped' some of the microwave energy, and released it for a while after cooking."
"He was very clear that he'd heard some truck drivers had stomach complaints that resulted from eating a lot of microwaved food without letting it rest."
"I didn't believe him, but I humored him. Microwaved food is usually scalding hot anyway, there was no harm in giving it time to cool (a.k.a 'letting the residual microwaves dissipate from it') if it made him happy."
- MagicSPA
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"My wife is a nurse and she was taking care of a heart patient. He had high cholesterol."
"He said he ate half-a-dozen eggs for breakfast everyday. My wife said eggs are high in cholesterol and should be consumed in moderation if you have high cholesterol."
"Then his wife chimes in… 'I make his eggs in the microwave so it gets rid of the cholesterol.' "
- pizza_for_nunchucks
Astronomy
"We had a team lunch some years ago, and I ended up in a conversation with one of our account managers. A woman in her 30s who worked for a multi-million pound company."
"She insisted that the sun was the same size/distance as the moon, and stars were asteroids falling to Earth."
"This was long before the whole flat earth idiocy kicked off, and to this day stands out as the most astoundingly ignorant thing I’ve ever heard."
- Rico_TLM
"I used to be a teacher, and a child asked me why the sun didn't melt the moon since they were 'both up there together.' "
"I was about to explain about the 150,000,000km between them, and how 'this one is small, but that one is far away' but her best friend then laughed at her for asking such a stupid question."
"After scoffing, best friend told her that 'of course the sun doesn't melt the moon, the moon is on the back of the sun ... isn't it?' and then looked at me for approval."
"These two were both fifteen years old at the time."
- crumpledlinensuit
Wasting Water
"Had a teacher tell our class that it can’t rain over water."
"She proceeded to tell us that if the clouds are over water they will just wait until they were over land so it doesn’t waste water."
"According to her, it doesn't rain over oceans or large lakes. The cloud will, instead, wait until it is over some forest or something that needs water."
"In her world, hurricanes probably just disappear when over the ocean, or at least stop raining and just be wind."
"My question is, how will the cloud know?"
- Solisia
"Man, I wish the clouds knew that a few years ago when I was on the far side of the lake, paddling with all my might trying to get to land and not absolutely soaked."
- wetwater
"This is terrible but somehow kind of endearing."
"It's a shame because she was supposed to be a teacher, but I really like the world she lives in where even the clouds are so conscientious."
- JimmyCrackCrack
Feedback
"It's dangerous to listen to your own heartbeat with a stethoscope."
"They said your heart will try to match what you heard and that will in effect stop your heart."
"There was no explanation given when asked why medical personnel didn't have issues listening to patients with heartbeat irregularities."
- Becky_8
"Like stereo feedback?"
- [Reddit]
"This one was so dumb I had to read this several times to even understand the theory they were presenting.. cheers."
- roolyons32711
heartbeat GIF
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Uzbekistan
"My college roommate was so bad we started a list. My favorite, though:"
" 'Latinas come from Latin... as in the COUNTRY Latin.' "
"When asked if he could show us where that was on a globe he pointed to what was clearly marked Uzbekistan."
- WordLikeABullet
They Let You Have Guns
"I worked in a city that has a high military population. We gave military discounts if you could prove you were active duty."
"We had a family come in one day (dad, mom, adult son) who had never been before. The dad read the admission board and said 'Oh hey, you can get a discount for admission!' to the son while handing him the sign."
"The son read the sign and said, I swear to God:"
" 'I'm not in the military, I'm in the Army.' "
"All I could think was, 'Good Lord, they let you have guns...' "
- JustMeerkats
Spain Exists
"My favorite was when I said I was learning Spanish and someone told me, and I quote:"
" 'White people learning Spanish is cultural appropriation.' "
"I just stared blankly for a while and then said 'um... Spain?' "
"They shut up after that."
- youllprobablyhatemGP
Dinosaur Denial
"When I was young my youth pastor told us that dinosaur bones were put in the ground by the devil to test your faith."
- duston12
" ‘Dinosaur bones’ were actually buried recently by people."
- TinyKeebe
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Define "Dilute"
"A girl I worked with didn’t know what 'dilution' meant as in diluting cleaning products."
"I’m not saying this to be mean, she could have asked or googled it. She should have asked or googled it cause she almost killed us all."
"She thought 'dilute' meant to heat it up. Since this is a store, we heat things (like our lunch) up put it in the microwave..."
"So she put some kind of cleaner in there to 'dilute' and nearly gassed out the whole store."
"Luckily it wasn’t anything super toxic but she wholeheartedly thought 'dilution' meant to heat it up."
- CatsInSpaceSwag
Not Asian
"Me: 'I'm Asian.' "
"Her: 'No you're not!' "
"This girl guessed I was Hispanic, which spoiler alert I am not."
"I'm South Asian from Nepal."
"When I told her that, she denied it. Vehemently. Like she was there when I was born and it was her place to say where I was from."
- Albartox
The Chicken Wiccan
"That she'd turn me into a chicken."
"The worst thing was that after she threatened me with it, I started having dreams of being a chicken so I started to believe her."
"I was 15, am heavily autistic and was fresh out of a superstitious religious home, to clarify why I was so gullible."
"The Chicken Wiccan used all of that to full advantage."
- XxDarkAcademicxX
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The Vin Diesel Virus
"The other week i was in the store, still wearing my mask although restrictions have eased up a bit here."
"Some old guy comes up to me and I'm expecting an anti-mask rant, but no."
"He starts claiming that it's good that I'm wearing my mask and that I'm one of the smart ones, since the virus was all planned out."
"Then the guy pauses for a second and goes: 'Exactly like in that movie, X times 3!' "
"He meant XXX with Vin Diesel."
- D1pSh1t__
Lady Troubles
"I love my father, but he used to honestly believe that if a woman went to the hospital, a doctor couldn't help her."
"He believed that because someone once told him hospitals don't really help with 'lady troubles'. I'm pretty sure they meant it like period cramps, but he just took it to mean hospitals didn't help women."
"I once asked him what happened if a bus ran me over? He'd just let me die?"
"So he sang a different tune after that."
- MJsLoveSlave
So now you're heard Reddit's list of painfully dumb stuff. It's your turn.
What have you heard, or said, that was so incredibly stupid it kind of hurt?
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When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.