People Who Have Been A 'Homewrecker' Break Down How It Impacted Their Relationships
Fidelity isn't everyone's strong suit and ethical nonmonogamy has been the dominant relationship model for most of human history - but that doesn't mean cheating is okay. Don't get my words twisted
Even among non-monogamous people, cheating is a cardinal sin. (Yes, you can cheat if you're non-monogamous.) Lying, deception, and secrets are the sort of thing that is going to tank a relationship 100% of the time. It's just a matter of when.
Having said all that, even though people know the devastating affects of cheating, it's typically the "homewrecker" that draws ire - even more than the cheater. We never understood that.
But we don't understand being a "homewrecker" either. Like, if you know the person has a partner then what are you doing? Why would you let yourself be the secret, the side piece, the fallback?
One Reddit user asked:
People who have been the "home wrecker" what sort of impact has it had on you?
So of course I'm over here rubbing my hands together excited for juicy gossip... but that's not what I got. I got backstory after backstory from people who had been manipulated. People who had been lied to. People who had been purposefully preyed on.
Of course there were a few answers from people who are just happy proud cheaters (boooooo to them) but for the most part these responses once again proved that abusive narcissists leave no one unscathed in their wake.
Snooping In Her Emails
I messed around with a girl a handful of times until I found out her boyfriend was in Iraq. She'd left her laptop up when she was in the shower. I'm kind of a piece of crap and decided to snoop around. Instead, I found her email and the emails from her boyfriend. Talking about marriage after he gets back.
For me. That sh!t is verboten.
I copied down his email address and then wrote him later. Told him everything. Boy was he pissed.
He dumped her.
Him and I are going to a Football game in November.
The Worst Time To Find Out
Season 8 Episode 24 GIF by Friends GiphyFound out - while in labor - that my child's father had another woman pregnant and was marrying her. We weren't in a relationship, we were just friends with benefits, but he never said a single word about her and I found out they had been dating for over two years.
I actually waited 5 months to tell her anything.
She didn't believe me until I sent her a copy of the DNA test. She ended up thanking me. We talk now and hope to raise the kids knowing each other.
He's not too happy.
The Landlady
I hooked up with a roommate/landlady (dumb move off the bat I know!) because she told me that her and her partner were in an open relationship.
I confirmed with her boyfriend that they were in an open relationship, but neither of them told me that roommates were off the table. I went ahead with it because it was the first time a woman showed that she was into me without me trying. It was a great confidence boost and I hadn't had many before.
We got together a few times before I found out the boyfriend wasn't cool with it. I, of course, broke it off because I felt lied to, but the damage was done. The entire vibe of the house changed.
It was a pretty big house with multiple rooms being rented out. At the start, we had house meals sometimes and game nights, just a general friendly vibe. Afterwards we all kinda isolated.
I apologized to the guy, I didn't know exactly what was going on and I felt terrible about it. In the end the great place I had found with awesome people just fell apart.
Honestly, it's probably the biggest regret of my life, everyone moved out and I hope the couple were able to work things out without me being there as a reminder.
Life's Research
Fell in love with my best friend at 17. He was in a multi-year long relationship with an amazing woman, but I didn't really know her. He told me everything I wanted to hear and was the first man I'd met to express that kind of interest in me. I was young, dumb, and insecure.
So I fell for it (and all the bull he spewed about the reasons his girlfriend wouldn't be mad, he was protecting her mental health by staying with her even though they were totally done, she was unstable, etc.) and we were in a full-blown romantic and sexual affair for a few months. He ended up kind of ghosting me after that, gaslighting me about the seriousness of our relationship, and continuing to date his girlfriend until she left him for another guy (good riddance lol).
I struggled with trust and self-loathing for a long time after that. Ended up dedicating my life to researching and treating infidelity/relational challenges. I now work as a couples therapist and am very passionate about what I do!
I want to someday publish research on the psychological rationalization and aftermath that extradyadic partners (homewreckers) experience. For how common it is, there is virtually no research about that third person, what gets them to participate, and the impact. I am also in a loving relationship with a great guy.
The Ultimatum Didn't Work Out
Lived with a guy for several years that was sort of the home wrecker. Basically he was shagging a married chick that had 2 kids. She would hang out at our place a lot. Eventually roomie caught the feels for her and gave her an ultimatum: to leave her husband and be with him.
Well as you can all guess she did not. So he called her husband and told him about the affair. In the end her and her husband are still together and my roomie got lost in drugs. He later got arrested and spent a few years in TDOC custody.
I no longer speak to either.
I Deserve It
Had an affair with a married man.
Yes, I knew he was married. Yes, I knew his wife. Yes, I thought she "didn't understand him" and we were true love. Yes, he ended up cheating on me with a married woman who ended up leaving her 2nd husband for him.
They are still together. It was the worst thing I ever did and I hope when I die his ex-wife joyfully dances on my grave; I deserve it.
Running From Proud Boys
Here's the story, and I'll leave it to to you guys whether or not I'm in the wrong. I'm too deep into it now for it to matter either way.
I had known my best friend for about a decade when this all went down. We were about as close as friends can be, even though we lived in different states. Talked to each other almost daily to check in, knew pretty much everything there was to know about each other. She had been with the same boyfriend for about five of those years.
I was supportive of their relationship for a while, as we always had been with each other's romantic trysts. But the last two years had seen a number of giant red flags pointing to evidence of abuse. She eventually admitted it to me, but begged me not to get involved. I decided to anyway after she attempted suicide.
I moved out to her state under other pretenses (I had been planning on going back to school anyway, I just made sure it was near where she lived). She and I hadn't spent much time in person together for a number of years, so there was a lot of making up for lost time. Now that I was closer, I saw all kinds of evidence of gaslighting, verbal, and physical abuse. They also ostensibly had an "open" relationship, which was basically just a way to justify his cheating on her.
When a third party mentioned that he seemed to take part in outside affairs way more than she did, he jokingly started encouraging me to sleep with her. This continued for another month or two, with him constantly pushing me to sleep with her so everyone would get off his back. Long story short, we did we did end up in bed together. And then we continued to do it for the next week, whenever we had the chance. A lot of deeply buried feelings came out during this, and we realized we had been in love with each other for a long time.
So she dumped him. We had to flee the state pretty soon after. The ex was a member of a group of White supremacists who called themselves Proud Boys (I don't know if it's the same ones who have featured so prominently in recent weeks), and he had rallied his racist buddies to kill us. I'm a Jew anyway, so they just needed an excuse.
We've been married for almost eight years now. Our son just turned five.
High School Mean Girl
i know right mean girls GIF GiphyI suppose high school is too young to be considered a home wrecker, but back then I was so desperate for love that I back stabbed almost every female friend I had.
I'm very aware of it now, and I'm just sad that I was that person. I feel bad for everyone that I hurt. Especially because high school guys are really stupid, and they weren't worth what I ended up going through as a result of hurting people.
- irkencat
19 And Naive
Ughhh....here it goes. Slept with a married man for years. He lied and told me they were divorcing as soon as the kids got out of high school and they were only together for the kids. She ended up showing up at my work and confronted me....of course I told the truth and holy sh*t did my life suck after that.
I fell for the lies hook, line and sinker. Turns out he was a sex addict. Had been with many, many women and I guess I was the only one dumb enough to tell her the truth.
I was know as the "home wrecker" and 20 years later it still gets thrown in my face.
She actually believed his dumb-ass and she just assumed I was some crazy girl. I literally gave her details about her home, bed, etc and she still thought I was lying. His charades went on for many years after...like 15 more years...until the gig was up. Too many women were now coming forward and accusing him of cheating and lying.
They finally divorced just recently. I saw her at a local gathering and wanted to apologize to her so badly, but the look of disgust on her face was too intimidating. It is something I will regret for the rest of my entire life.
Funny how the one that had vows and children with her got zero punishment, yet I got bashed and shunned for falling for his BS. I was only a teenager (19) then. It literally destroyed my life and self-esteem. He was a professional manipulator that took advantage of a young naïve girl and wrecked her young world.
It's like he got away with it free and clear. She was so in denial until she busted him with one of her friends and broke up their marriage. But she STILL stayed with him after that!
I wish I would have known the impact it would have on the rest of my life then. Literally 20 years later it still gets brought up. We were having a get together at my house and someone felt the need to tell my husband (as if he didnt know) and it blew up into a big mess. I was so "in love" with him and had many plans for our future once his kids moved out. How dumb I was.
The people in my life that matter all know about it and know that I was completely taken advantage. God, I hate that man.
They're The Ones Making The Choice
I've been with a few married, engaged and otherwise attached girls.
It doesn't bother me now, and it didn't when I did it. They were up-front about their status, and I didn't particularly care one way or the other. I'm not the one that caused them to make their decisions.
I don't know why it should bother me; they were all adults and made their own decisions.
I'm The Sort Of Person Who Could Do That
I felt guilty pretty much all the time, but at that point I was severely depressed, I'd never felt anything close to happy and I was fully convinced I never would again. I tried to rationalize it a million ways but a part of me always hated myself for it. Yet at the same time I couldn't find the mental strength to break out of it. Until they told me they were going to marry their partner.. that snapped me out of denial and I finally managed to do the right thing and get out of the situation.
I don't regret it in the sense that I know I did my best given my mental state at the time, but I will always wish I didn't find out that I'm the sort of person who could do something like that.
Polycule Problems
I was in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. The wife ended up being psycho and abusive to the husband. I started pointing it out to him. She didn't like that and broke us all up. The husband and I reconnected because he was miserable. He needed someone he trusted to talk to. He left her and moved in with me. We're now married and having a baby.
His ex is still awful and makes it very difficult to see his kids.
We're happy together and we have a very healthy relationship. I do feel bad for being involved in the end of a marriage, but honestly she was terribly abusive.
Nothing I Wouldn't Risk
I lost everything except my dogs. 5 ish years later, I still haven't recovered from the series of events and poor decisions it set in motion.
I don't regret it though. I realize I was a fool for thinking it would work out and we would get married or whatever, but it was the happiest I have ever been, and there wasn't anything I wouldn't have risked to live the rest of my life like that.
The Side Chick Who Had No Idea
I just found out my engagement of 5 years was a fraud. I was getting impatient and wanted our relationship to move forward and I started to ask questions and snoop. Ends up he was married the whole time.
I was the side chick who probably was seen as a home wrecker and I had no idea. He told me he was divorced from day one.
Tyler
Oh No Facepalm GIF by moodman GiphyI met this guy named Tyler on a dating app and we got along and everything seemed fine. One day I get a text from a number I don't know and they tell me that they are Tyler's wife and ask if I've had sex with Tyler. Thankfully we didn't have sex yet but she tells me she wants me to send her any text messages I have between Tyler and I so she can use them as evidence when she divorces him.
Found out from his wife that Tyler has been cheating on her with multiple women for months and even had another apartment that he would take women to so they could fck. Not only that, but he had 2 small kids. I felt like such a sl*t, I know I didn't know he had a wife but it made me feel so horrible that I was flirting and almost went on a date with a married man. I hope his wife went through with the divorce, she deserves better.
That's the thing with the term "home wrecker" a lot of women are dragged into it. You didn't know so it's not your fault but thank Goodness you dodged a bullet to!
Vindictive Ex
I slept with my boss a few times, with permission from his wife (they had an open marriage and would regularly have "side pieces"). A year later, they were starting divorce proceedings, we were still working together. She was really controlling and- turns out, vindictive as Hell. She was moving things out of their house when he was at work one day and she got into his computer, screenshot messages between he and I about hooking up from the year before and got him fired. I've always felt so bad for that and his life went way downhill from there.
Not Proud, But It's The Truth
So, looking back on this, I'm not proud of this. My only excuse is that in an abusive friendship at the time and didn't have much of a sense of self-confidence or self-worth.
Back in High School, there was a girl who had a crush on me. I was pining for a different girl, and didn't really notice. Nothing really happened.
A few years later, in my early 20s, we got in contact and started chatting on MSN messenger. We meet up one night, and one thing leads to another, and we end up making out with some fondling.
She had a fiance at this time. I knew.
We make plans to hang out the next day. We watch a movie, and right after we had sex. I actually lost my virginity that day.
After that nothing happened and we eventually lost contact with each other. Last I heard she was now married to the guy and had a kid with him.
Looking back on it, I know it was wrong. But at the time... it was a big confidence booster that I needed. It felt really good to know that a girl wanted to have sex with me enough to risk her relationship to do so. I'm definitely not proud of feeling that way, but it's the truth of what I felt.
And while some people might be angry with this, I can't say that, even today, I regret it. I wouldn't do it today, even if I was single, but I can't say I regret. It's completely selfish, but I was in a bad place at the time, and it was what I needed.
- Lodgik
I Fell For The Lies
I fell for the lies- they are breaking up soon, she's waiting for the kid to graduate high school, they haven't had sex in years, she's already seeing someone else...he even brought me to their house to see her boxes to prove she was leaving (ends up they were for their jointly purchased vacation house)- I was realizing slowly that it wasn't all adding up when he "accidentally" left his phone unlocked while she was home.
She called me livid- I refused to talk to her but told her I'd text as long as she wanted. She kept trying to goad me- saying I had to have known, they had sex all the time, they just bought a vacation house- I told her it really didn't matter- I didn't know they were "together" and as far as I was concerned he was all hers.
She contacted me again a week later saying he told her I was just some crazy chick who wouldn't leave him alone- I told her a few details to show I wasn't lying but again it didn't really matter, I was done with him.
She contacted me AGAIN a month after that saying she's dug through more of his emails and I wasn't the only one- I told her it didn't matter to me, I hadn't had anything to do with him since the first time she called...that seemed to break her. I think she wanted to just blame it all on me, but clearly he's been doing this awhile.
Ran into him months later, he asked how I'd been, I asked how SHE was- he said she'd left him not long after that last call. I said she was a smart girl.
I still feel terribly guilty- I should have seen right through all that crap. I have/had trust issues with relationships since then.
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Old Wives' Tales People Still Believe For Some Reason
"Reddit user the_spring_goddess asked: 'What is an old wives tale that people still believe?'"
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
Giphy"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine Giphy"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace Giphy"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office Giphy"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.
Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.
But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.
However not everyone feels that way about their job.
So what are these compelling careers?
Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked:
"People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?"
Cup Of Joe
"Barista is my main regular job."
"I f*cking love it."
"I love being able to talk to people all day and making cute little swans or whatever in people's drinks."
~ Low_Perception9046
Cleaning Up
"Janitor."
"Hours are good, work is easy, people are mostly nice."
"Something to keep me busy."
~ IHate2ChooseUserName
Fun With Chemistry
"I develop chemical sensors."
"I would buy the company and work half time."
"The joy of solving the types of problems that come up is fun."
~ BadDadWhy
Helping Children
"When I win the lottery I’ll still work but I’ll probably go to part time."
"I work with children with special needs—my job is rewarding and special."
"I love working with kids."
"Plus I’m too young to 'retire' and not work, I’ll get bored."
~ No-Section3226
Doing Dos
"I do hair."
"Love it!"
"Gives me purpose."
~ Hyperboleballad
Feeding The Hungry
"I'm actually a chef at my local homeless shelter."
"My dream job, even with an advanced degree."
"I'd not quit this if I won 3 lotteries."
"I would, however, cut a fat check to my organization and my sister organizations."
~ subwooferofthehose
Angel Of Mercy
"Nursing."
"I kind of still like it."
"I'd probably back off to part time if I won big."
~ LadyVaresa
Sweet Beats
"I'm a musician."
"Basically I have what for most people is a dream job, which makes me a non-representative specimen."
"On the other hand, I still occasionally work as a paramedic, and as rewarding as that job can be, I'm mostly doing it when I want to grab some extra cash."
"I'd probably let my certs expire if I was rich."
~ loose_lady_lutenist
Healing
"I'm a doctor."
"A great portion of my income is already donated to my hospital's program that expands access to low-income patients."
"I'd probably give 100% of my income to the program if I won and use the lottery winnings for living."
~ Shiblets
DIY
"I recondition (light remodeling) apartments after tenants move out."
"I’m alone all day and I can listen to podcasts or books, the work is very satisfying to me, and as a woman I’ve loved learning HVAC, plumbing, and electrical work as I use the experience in my own home when things break/need updating."
"I would go crazy without working anyway but I really do love my job."
~ Dependent-Bass-2043
All Creatures Great And Small
"Kennel attendant."
"I’ll never willingly turn my back on these animals."
~ RathGodofWar
No Business Like Show Business
"I’m the Assistant Director for a Children’s Theatre."
"It’s really not something you do for the money."
"You do it because you love it and can’t imagine your life without it."
~ RamblingsOfaMadCat
Fostering Futures
"I work in addiction recovery."
"It means a lot to me."
"I wouldn’t quit if I won the lottery, but I would go part time."
~ randtcouple
A Stitch In Time
"I teach people how to sew, mostly kids but we have a few adult classes as well."
"It is stressful but also so rewarding to see a room full of people who have learned a skill from you and can take home a bunch of goodies."
"Sewing is a dying skill so we need to teach it more!"
~ Interesting-Chest520
Saving Lives
"National Suicide Prevention Lifeline."
"I love the job. It’s stressful at times but also very rewarding."
~ MaryKathGallagher
Many people stated they might cut back to part-time or donate their salary, but a significant number of people had no plans to stop working.
However some would change their job focus or profession.
So, would you keep working after a lottery win?
Some people stand firmly stand behind their beliefs that everyone would benefit from therapy and that therapy is life-changing.
It's because of the totally life-changing truth bombs their therapist had dropped during their sessions.
Curious, Redditor anonymiss0018 asked:
"What is a little bombshell your therapist dropped in one of your sessions that completely changed your outlook?"
Communication Issues
"'If you don’t have these problems with any other person in your life, why do you think you’re the problematic person in this one?'"
- maggiebear
"I love this. I have a 'friend' who I always seem to run into misunderstandings with. Every time we had a conversation, it somehow turned into a debate even if it was me talking about my day. The conversations were never easy."
"I always evaluate myself first and take into consideration his critiques. He was very good at convincing me that I was contradicting myself or wasn't good at communicating my thoughts."
"I NEVER had this issue with ANYONE else in my life. I kept trying to figure out where the miscommunication was coming from. In the end, I just minimized contact and now I don't run into this issue."
- chobani_yo
"I read this quote somewhere once (and probably have it a bit wrong): 'It's a waste of time arguing with someone who is determined to misunderstand you.'"
Emotional Regulation
"'You can’t control your emotions, but you can control what you do with them.'"
"At the time, I was a young adult who had learned zero healthy emotional regulation skills (only suppression and shaming) growing up, so this blew my mind."
- lil_mermaid
Tough Relationships
"'It sounds to me like you are trying to convince yourself to stay with your girlfriend. I'm not so sure it should be so difficult.'"
"At the time he said this, I remember it was like he said, 'The earth is flat.' I thought he was crazy when he suggested relationships don't need to be difficult. But eventually, I started to realize I was trying to change myself to stay with this person rather than just being who I am."
"It took me three more months to finally break up with her but from that day on, I vowed to never again abandon myself just to be with someone I had convinced myself was better than me."
- metric88
High-Stress Situation
"I was at a high-stress time, and I asked her how people live like this."
"She replied, 'Oftentimes they have cardiac events.' She said it as an urging to care for myself as much as possible."
- KittenGr8r
The End of Alcohol
"I was struggling with my alcoholism, and we were discussing how I had been cutting back."
"She asked what I would consider success, with regard to my drinking."
"I said I wanted to get to a point where it wasn't interfering with my daily life. I wanted to just be able to have a glass of wine at holiday dinners or family gatherings."
"She simply asked me why. Why was it important for me to drink at those times?"
"It was as if she'd turned on a light. Alcohol had always been a key ingredient in every family function, for my entire life. When I smell bourbon, I think of my uncle. When I smell vermouth, I think of my dad. Alcohol ran through almost every happy childhood memory."
"But, even more than that, I was very afraid of the explanation I'd have to give when family and friends asked why I wasn't having a drink. I had tried to quit before but failed. What if I admitted my problem, only to fall off the wagon?"
"When she asked why I didn't want to completely quit, it was the first time I saw that last part of the big picture. I'd be willing to drink myself to death in order to avoid being scrutinized, or judged for possible future failures."
"That was the day I quit. I've been sober since May 6th, 2017. 2,407 days."
- sophies_wish
Acceptance vs. Enjoyment
"'Accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it.'"
"That took away a lot of my inner conflicts about situations because I could accept a situation without expending energy internally fighting against the injustice of it."
- alibelloc
Emotionally Immature Parents
"You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."
- SmokedPears
Not So Lazy
"'Why do you think you're lazy?' Then she listed off all the things she knows I'm doing for my family, my job, and my life."
"It kind of blew my mind when I struggled to come up with an example."
"She also described family dysfunction as water. Some families are messed up in a way that everyone can see the huge waves across the surface. Others are better at hiding it, but there's still a riptide that you can't see unless you're also in the water."
"It made me realize that trying to keep the surface from ever rippling doesn't erase what is happening underneath."
- flybyknight665
The Harm in People-Pleasing
"'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' when talking about people pleasing and fawning."
- ERsandwich
Agree to Disagree
"'Stop trying to get everyone to agree. When you need everyone to agree, the least agreeable person has all the power.'"
This really changed my outlook on planning family events."
- freef
Grieve and Start Anew
"For context, I had a major TBI (traumatic brain injury), seizures, strokes, and all around not a fun brain time when I was 28."
"They said, 'You have to grieve the loss of yourself.'"
"Most people wanted me to go back to how I was. The f**ked up truth is that part of my brain is dead. The person everyone (including myself) knew died. I needed to grieve the loss of myself."
- squeaktoy_la
Multifaceted Identity
"They told me that my job and career is just a way to make money; it's not my life or identity. That took a lot of pressure off me."
- unfairpegasus
Breaking the Cycle
"They validated me."
"'You always talk about not wanting to do to your daughters what your mom did to you. You worry about it so much in every interaction you have ever had with them."
"But your children are 19 and 21 now. They are happy and healthy and they trust you because you’ve never abused them in any way. So I just want to validate for you that you really have broken that cycle of violence."
"You did that. And you should be proud of it. I’m proud of you for it.'"
- puppsmcgee74
The Grieving Process
"I was constantly bringing up how I felt like a completely different person after my mom died... like there was a marked difference between before and after her death."
"But once, she was asking about my hobbies, I got really into describing all the things I loved to do or at least used to do before I got into a deep depression."
"She was like, 'Wow, you seem very passionate.'"
"And I just sat there like, 'Well, I mean, I can't change what I like to do, they're still fun to do.'"
"And it's like she knew when to take a step back, because it was like, wow, I may be super depressed about my mom passing, but I'm still me. I'm still my passions and those don't go away."
"I don't know, maybe it only makes sense to be, but it really started getting me back on track."
- Hannibal680
Sharing the Load
"I've never really had friends. I've had colleagues and classmates and housemates and people who have hung out with me, but I never really felt close to any of them."
"And I did that thing you see on here sometimes; I stopped reaching out to see if I would be reached out to, and I wasn't, which I took as confirmation that they didn't really want me around, or at the very least, that they wouldn't mind my absence."
"I was talking to my therapist about people I'd been close to in college, and she told me to pick one and talk about him. So I did. After I shared some basic stuff like his name and his major etc., and a couple of anecdotes, she asked me what else I knew about him."
"And I couldn't answer. It wasn't really a broadly applicable bombshell, but she said, 'What else?' and I started crying because I realized that for as simple as the question was, my inability to answer spoke volumes."
"I've never had good friends because I've never been a good friend. I'm withdrawn and reserved and I always made others do the work to drag me out, without ever extending my own friendship in a meaningful way in return. If I wanted to have meaningful relationships with other people, I would have to build them."
"I'm still working on this, but I'm trying to make more offers and extend more friendliness to others in my daily life."
- Backupusername
The discoveries in this thread were incredibly touching and profound; it's no wonder these were lasting concepts for these Redditors.
It's important to keep ourselves open to inspiration and insights from others, as we have no idea how their experiences could help us, or how we could help them.
There's something comforting about living in a small town.
It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.
Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.
The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.
Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:
"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"
These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.
Live Updates
"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."
– PyrrhuraMolinae
Brush With The Law
"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”
Roadside Catchup
"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."
– anon
When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.
Bank Robbery
"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."
– AlexRyang
"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."
– Strict_Condition_632
Wise Woman
"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."
"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."
– ilurvekittens
Intoxicated Local
"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."
– DoodooExplosion
Grazing Over To The Bar
"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."
– brown_pleated_slacks
It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.
Welcoming Committee
"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"
–MoonieNine
"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."
– impiousdrifter
"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."
– raisinghellwithtrees
"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"
– realneil
A Busy Day
"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."
– KenmoreToast
Who Let The Dogs Out?
"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."
– mediocrelpn
"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."
– Worried_Place_917
While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.
I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.
I would be paranoid.
And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.
Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?