People Divulge Tips For Talking To Your Significant Other About Having A Threesome
With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.
This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.
Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.
Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.
In an effort to help those who have suggested this proposition, Redditor cindyvanessa took to Reddit to ask:
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"
Make sure you want to do it.
"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87
Proceed with caution
"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."
"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."
"And established rules."
"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."
"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414
Make sure you're an active participant
"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."
"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."
"The other dude was a total creep, though."
"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."
"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."
"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow
Look out for ulterior motives
"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."
"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays
Consider a test run?
"Go to a bar together separately."
"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."
"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."
"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer
Query people with experience.
"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."
"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."
"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo
Consider going whole hog.
"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi
Evaluate your relationship first.
"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."
"Have boundaries, and no secrets."
"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455
Just don't!
"Don't do it."
"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."
"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"
"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."
"She enthusiastically agreed."
"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."
"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."
"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."
"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."
"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."
"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."
"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."
"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."
"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."
"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."
"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."
"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."
"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."
"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger
Wanting this might be a telltale sign...
"Divorce."- justamanwithneeds
"Start thinking about the fourth - an attorney."- lt__
"In my opinion it's a slippery slope to a failing marriage."
"But you do you and talk about it."
"It might work out and it might backfire."- Vikinger-CJL1996
Consider it... but REALLY consider it.
"Having been down this road, I really had to think it through."
"There is no right and wrong here, only personal feelings."
"On the one hand, I was honored that my partner felt safe enough sharing with me this fantasy of hers that she had never told a past boyfriend or even her ex-husband out of fear of judgment."
"But on the other hand… It wasn’t anything that ever sound appealing to me."
"This is where I drew the line."
"If it was the experience that she fantasized about, I was willing to explore that with her."
"But if it was instead simply about an individual that she wanted to bring into the bedroom, that was something else entirely."
"Essentially this is what I mean:
"'Honey, I have always fantasized about having MFM threesome and it would be amazing if you would consider helping me fulfill that fantasy'."
"I was OK with this one."
"'Honey, I’ve always had this fantasy about having sex with you and Jeff, that sexy Bartender we are always getting drinks from on the weekends'."
"'What would you think about trying to set that up?'"
"She just wants to f*ck Jeff and is looking for permission."
"Not only did she assured me that it was the first one and not the second one, or after describing some basic parameters/qualities/characteristics, she told me she preferred not having any say in who our special guest star would be."
"It was purely about the experience and not any individual."
"We had a lot of conversations before I even seriously considered it."
"Long story short, I spent two months speaking to you guys and putting it together."
"It was about two years ago now and we just talked about it again the other day. "
"She doesn’t remember the guys name, or anything really distinctive about him."
"You know what makes her smile, and quite frankly light up, when that conversation comes up?"
"She always points out that that was the day she knew, without any doubts, that her partner placed her months, needs, and desires on a pedestal above any petty insecurities that he may have had."
"I actually believed her when she told me that it was just a fantasy not any void in our sex life she was trying to fill."
"The experience brought us much closer and we had a great time."
"As soon as the guy left we both cracked up laughing together lol."
"I really knew that we were on the same page and I could see in her eyes how appreciative and grateful she was towards me."
"Also, as soon as he left, she pounced on me like a lion would jump on a limping gazelle across the prairie."
"I’ve never seen her so turned on."
"It wasn’t the other guy that turned her on."
"It was the confidence that she saw in me for doing that for her. I’m not saying you should do it."
"I’m just telling you my story."- disposibleaccount9
Set clear boundaries
"Have a long talk about what you really want and are comfortable with."
"I had a friend with benefits in college."
"She had a bi friend, and had said that girl was the only one she would experiment with."
"We tried, it turned out she both was embarrassed to experiment in front of me, and didn't want to watch me with the friend."
"Ended with my FWB blowing me, and my taking some cum on my finger and offering to the friend, who immediately swallowed it."
"Definitely giving the 'I'll clean the rest off' vibe."
"FWB saw and made sure there wasn't another drop to spare."
"Turns out she has caught the feels."
"I might have considered a guy as the third at that point, but I have a strong feeling who she would have picked."
"A gay friend who would not have wanted to touch her."
"MIGHT have considered at that point in life trying and sharing oral duty with her, and letting both blow me." Never brought up.
My ex wife had one friend that I would have been willing to bring in."
"She was a 35 yr old virgin, who was wanting to change that."
"She probably would have been down to be bi for a night if asked."
"Ex wasn't. Looking back, we didn't have that strong of a marriage."
"Now, not a chance."
"Don't want anyone else in any bed but current wife."- Vast_Professor7399
The decision must be mutual.
"My ex was kinda an asshole, and attempted to illicit a reaction from me by saying he wanted to bring a third person to the relationship, so I asked a question of 'do you think you'll get mad when whoever it is you bring in likes me more than you?'"
" They got pissed and never minded the whole thing."
"That's the only real related thing to this I got."
"In my opinion however, if you and your partner wanna add a third controller, just be sure that's what you want."
"Be sure you're ready for another person to get attention, to be part of decision making, and that you're comfortable with that."
"Aside from that, nothing else really matters."- uwumcuwu·
Good advice no matter the situation
"Bring snacks."- Motor-Berry-6887
When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.
That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.
It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".
- Couples Who've Had Threesomes In A Committed Relationship ... ›
- Girl Suggests Threesome With Boyfriend, But Now Wants To Sleep ... ›
- Girl Suggests Threesome With Boyfriend, But Now Wants To Sleep ... ›
- People Who Have Had A Threesome And Regretted It Share The ... ›
- Couples Who Became Pregnant After Engaging In A Three Way ... ›
- People Who've Had A Threesome With Their Significant Other ... ›
People Explain What They Bought With Their First-Ever Paycheck
Reddit user MisterChiTown92 asked: 'What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?'
Working a first job is an important part of growing up.
Whether it's working a paper route (do kids even do this anymore?) or working at a video rental store (do those even exist anymore?) first-ever part-time jobs establish important life values and lessons to the youth.
Also, there's nothing that validates accomplishment at a young age more than being able to buy something with their hard-earned money.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor MisterChiTown92 asked:
"What did you buy with your first ever work paycheck?"
These generous Redditors found value in paying it forward.
Dinner's On Me
"It was 1976, I was making a whopping $2.50/hour at age 16 (20 cents higher than minimum wage, and it was an office job so I wasn't on my feet all day)....my family didn't have a lot of money (which is why I started working while in the 11th grade), so with my first paycheck I took my Mom and brothers out to dinner at Big Boy. I remember being all proud to say 'Get whatever you want, even the combo meal and a milkshake, it's on me."'
– Ouisch
Dinner Miscalculation
"I took my mom out to a fancy French restaurant. I had no idea how much it was going to cost, then plus tip, I didn’t even have enough! So she had to help me pay the rest. My mom still joke about that from time to time when we go out with the family."
"That was almost 25 yrs ago, damn time flew by."
– jonwtc
Gift For Mom
"I bought my mother a beautiful shawl. I never saw her wear it but it was in with her things when she died nearly 50 years later."
– WakingOwl1
These Redditors got to reward themselves with the things they enjoy most.
Creating Memories
"About twenty bucks of my first paper route earnings, for the pizza buffet and soft drinks, and some arcade games, with my best friend."
"While the shape I've been in has varied over the years, I've kept that stamina I built up hauling around damn near my weight in newsprint. For long endurance rides, hikes with a loaded-up pack, and running."
– ArmsForPeace84
Brand New Kicks
"I was 14 and got a job as a bus boy at a local BBQ joint. With my first check, I went and bought myself a pair of blue/brown Airwalk shoes. I remember how cool it felt to be able to buy something for myself and not have to ask my parents."
– johnnybmagic
Scoring Big Time
"A Playstation 2. Excellent buy, kept it for a over decade before buying an Xbox One."
– Birdo-the-Besto
"It was an Xbox 360 for me. Loved that console."
– HabeLinkin
"Still have a modded PS2. Had a hard drive with games on it too. It still turns on last I checked, I wonder if the hard drive still works..."
–DubaU
A Timeless Treasure
"My family owned a construction business, and my father had me on site for as long as I could remember. I don't remember the first thing I ever bought with what he paid me, but I remember the first thing I set out to buy and had to work for weeks to get the money for. It was a Lego castle set. $49. I'm almost 50 now, and I still have it."
– Spodson
Naughty Pleasures
"lol I bought a candy g-string so I could eat it off of my girlfriend while she was wearing it, and a black cowboy hat with spikes on it from Hot Topic hahaha"
– dirtydickmf
Some recalled having to prioritize taking care of business over indulgences.
The Necessities
"gasoline and insurance to continue to be able to go to work."
– TurpitudeSnuggery
"I remember getting my first paycheck being so proud of it and my stepfather goes wow you don't have enough for gas. How are you getting to work for the next two weeks? Made me realize I needed to work more."
"I should also put in here that this was my first on the books paycheck. Made it feel a little different."
– truelydorky
Saving Up For Wheels
"Used to mow lawns and do odd jobs for cash when I was a kid. When I got my first 'real' paycheck that I had to cash at a bank, I saved every penny for several months until I bought my first car at age 16."
"Had zero expenses back then, which made it easy to save money. Fun memory."
– YupHio
Building A Wardrobe
"Clothes."
"I had to start working at the age of 12 because my parents could no longer afford to buy clothes for me."
– Opposite-Purpose365
I worked at a video game store in the mall when I was 15.
I was miserable being stuck behind a counter in a tiny corner store with hardly any adequate air circulation. Working with a personality-clashing co-worker didn't help things either.
But when I got my first paycheck, I remember thinking it was a major milestone and reward for enduring the unpleasant work conditions.
I used my first-ever earnings on a denim jacket from the Gap at the mall where I worked. I wore that stone-washed jacket with pride at school for years.
What was your most prized purchase from your first paycheck?
People Break Down The Most WTF Things They've Ever Seen At A Wedding
Weddings are built up to be magical events heralding a happily ever after for the newly minted spouses.
But like any major life event, a lot can go wrong.
Weather, illness, natural disasters, relationship drama, family squabbles... you name it and someone, somewhere has seen it at a wedding.
Reddit user Professional-Owl-341 asked:
"What’s the most WTF thing you’ve ever seen happen at a wedding?"
Not Sister Wives
"My aunt was a justice of the peace and officiated a wedding where seven women were wearing bridal dresses. Not white dresses, full on wedding dresses with accessories."
"Turned out the bride was very shy and hated to be the center of attention, but also wanted to wear a bridal gown for her groom."
"Her friends promised to wear their bridal gowns if she would wear one, and so they all did."
~ LaoBa
Mouth-to-Mouth
"The 'you may kiss the bride' the groom practically swallowed the bride’s face and it lasted a good eight to ten seconds."
"It was her second marriage, his fourth.
"It was so cringy."
~ GoingNutCracken
Hands Up
"Bride’s mother pulled a gun on the groom prior to the wedding starting."
"For some reason the wedding got cancelled."
~ justin_caseimhigh
Games People Play
"Male stripper in a leopard print thong was hired to provide entertainment at the wedding I was attending."
"Nobody paid any attention to him or tipped him. He got bored and sat by the buffet tables."
"I felt sorry for him and joined him for the remainder of the reception. We played many games of Tic-Tac-Toe."
"I was 6 years old."
~ Schwarzes__Loch
Floor Show
"I attended a wedding reception where the wait staff started to become generally distracting during dinner...they were sweeping the floors, spraying windows, creating more of a mess than anything."
"They would ask guests to move, interrupting their conversations and meal. They would clear away bottles of wine and champagne that hadn't been finished, then quickly bring another, just to grab it away again."
"One of the waiters even sat down and poured himself a drink. It was confusing and a bit appalling, but not as much as it was amusing.
"Turns out, they were the hired entertainment!"
"It created quite a buzz of conversation once we had all processed what was happening. I've never seen anything else like it."
~ slinkylizard
Got It!
"I sprinted full speed and slid along the ground to beat about thirty women to where the bouquet landed once."
"I was a 6-year-old boy, and didn't get the concept of the bouquet toss."
"Whoops!"
~ EleanorRigbysGhost
Not It!
"I was at a wedding in my early 20s where we ALL stepped out of the way of the bouquet and it landed on the floor."
"We all looked around at each other, then the maid of honor picked it up and handed it to the girl with the long-term boyfriend."
"She reluctantly took it."
~ TheCrankyOptimist
Psych!
"After the toast the bride said she had a surprise for everyone and started playing a video."
"They got married a year ago in secret and only 2 people there knew about it and kept it a secret from everyone."
"Even the parents didn't know."
"At the end of the video the bride turns to the camera and said 'Surprise bitches, you are at our 1 year anniversary!'."
"It was followed by a lot of screaming and yelling 'WTF!'."
"It didn't ruin the wedding or anything—it was kind of funny and shocking."
"Heard one of the groomsmen complaining in a jokey manner that they owed him money for the suit since it was not a real wedding."
"Anyone that knew the bride knows she love play pranks—everyone knew it was her idea."
~ EdgyEmily
Sweet Moves
"Maid of honor did a wide receiver dive trying to catch the bouquet and went right through the wedding cake."
~ JoeyMaddox
Young Love
"Groom got up during the reception to announce that they (both 18 yrs old) were already expecting a child."
"They had purposefully gotten pregnant so their parents would have to let them get married and the very religious parents were very ashamed and trying to keep it a secret."
"But after the groom so loudly announced it to everyone else, a brawl broke out between the families, each accusing the other's kid of entrapping the other."
"Definitely couldn't be their smothering and oppressive religious expectations that turned what would have likely just been teens having their first experiments with young love into forbidden fruit."
"If left alone, it likely would have eventually run its course like how most of our relationships do at that age."
"But no, had to be a scheming trollop anchoring down their precious baby boy or that scheming manipulative horn dog who ruined their promising young woman."
~ amusingmistress
💩 Happens!
"They wanted their German shepherd in the wedding."
"He walked down by the bride and took a dump."
"Hilarious."
~ Most_Wonder_1871
"My dog peed on the flowers at the end of the altar."
"I was bummed I missed it and the photographers didn’t get pictures."
"It would’ve been hilarious to see."
~ CottonCandyDreamzz
Toxic
"Attended a wedding where they had hired private security to ensure the bride's father and stepmom wouldn't come in and disrupt everything."
"After security blocked them from going in I guess they decided to get drunk in the car. They then came back and proceeded to beat the security guards up with their empty liquor bottles."
"Before the wedding I overheard the groom's family calling the bride paranoid and selfish, and that she should have invited her dad."
"Obviously, they had never met him before..."
~ unnamedbeaver
Fight Night
"At the reception the best man and groom were drunk and started fighting. Cops were called and the groom decided he would win a fight with the 6 foot 5 state trooper."
"They had to hog tie him after he kicked two other officers."
"I was the photographer doing a favor for a friend. I got some of it in pictures."
"It was dark out and the trooper gave me a look after the third flash so I stopped. Only one came out clear."
"I mentioned them to my buddy later that I had them and he asked to let him see. He laughed and they added them to the wedding album."
~ soldmyblood
The weddings I've attended seem very tame in comparison.
Have you ever been to a wedding with a WTF moment?
The Best Examples Of 'They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To'
Growing up we used a can opener, toaster and hand mixer that my Mother received as wedding gifts. She was married in 1966 and those small appliances were still working well into the 1990s.
When Mum sold her house and downsized, she decided to get new small appliances that matched. The old but still functioning ones were avocado green, stainless and harvest gold.
Since then I've gone through countless electric can openers, toasters and hand mixers and none worked as well or as long as those ones from the 1960s.
The ones with moving parts don't have the same power as the old ones and the toasters all lose heating coils in just a few years.
My complaints about small appliances are mirrored by many.
Reddit user Texasraised420 asked:
"What is the best example of ‘they don’t make ‘em like they used to’?"
Dr. Martens
"Boots, specifically Doc Martens."
"They used to be made as actual worker's boots and were very sturdy, could last you decades."
"Now even the leather ones still somehow get holes in them."
~ mythsofthevalley
"They were better quality boots until about a decade ago, and now they're just trash."
"Not repairable, terrible quality leather, plastic finish."
~ kv4268
HP Printers
"HP Printers."
"The old grey bricks that you saw 20 years ago in every office that connect via the old parallel printer port were amazing workhorses."
"Anything from the last 15 years is the epitome of cheap garbage."
~ LotusCSGO
Clothes
"Clothes."
"In 2001 or 2002, I got a pair of pajama pants from Walgreens, of all places."
"I wore them pretty regularly for around 15 years and finally threw them out due to them getting threadbare are forming a few holes near the knees. All the seams were mostly still fine."
"The pair I got to replace them began tearing at the seams after six months. Like, not just the seams ripping, but the FABRIC ripping near the seams."
"It's infuriating."
~ tastyprawn
Shoes
"Shoes."
"Cobblers weren't as niche of a profession in the past as they are now... all shoes were repairable."
"Now you need to buy expensive, heritage shoes for them to be worth repairing."
"Otherwise you're happy if they last 2 years."
~ tjrdnyr
Movie Theaters
"Movie theaters."
"They used to say 'the show starts at the sidewalk' and dazzle patrons with unique architecture meant to transport them to another world, with neon and statues and murals and more; sensational displays and activities to promote different movies; constant diligent attention to the picture and sound; and 'complete presentations' packed with the feature film plus shorts, organ music, a prize giveaway, and sometimes even a live stage show."
"It's tough to understand the extent of this style of showmanship because even the 'nice historic theater' that survives in many towns and cities was often a low- or mid-tier example in its prime, and very few places have the resources to offer all the trimmings even if they wanted to."
"Instead, now it seems many theaters are just dirty shoeboxes with a high schooler trying to do their best to ensure a fair presentation on 10 screens, there are 20 minutes of previews, and you're hustled out before the credits are over—but at least there are recliners?"
~ 853fisher
Refrigerators
"Refrigerators."
"I've gone through about a half dozen refrigerators in my adult lifetime—all built after 2000—and none lasted more than five years."
"But the one my parents had in the basement was older than God and ran no matter what we did to it."
"It was the size of a small car, weighed as much, and apparently was armor plated."
"Pretty sure it would have laughed at any gun we owned."
~ Kiyohara
"In 2018, my family's old fridge finally gave up after 59 years of service."
"In that time, it never broke down."
"Earlier this year, the replacement fridge we bought broke down."
"59 years versus 5 years."
~ ThePeasantKingM
Corning Ware
"Corning Ware."
"The new ones chip and scratch so easy."
"You can find people with ones from the 60's that they still use."
~ Bawkalor
Jeans
"I feel like jeans aren't made as well as they once were."
"When I was younger a pair of jeans were sturdy and would last 2 years at the minimum."
"Now I'm lucky if I get a year without them getting ratty, plus the material is thin and flimsy as f*ck."
~ severaltalkingducks
Chocolate
"The kind of chocolate you give out at Halloween."
"When I was younger Snickers and Reeses and all of that type of stuff was delicious."
"Now it just taste like manufactured plastic."
~ Scarlaymama0721
Sewing Machines
"Sewing machines."
"All the interior parts used to be metal. My mom's 50 year old machine (Kenmore) is still going."
"My 20 yearokld machine is a f*cking tank (Husqvarna)."
"New ones wear out so stupid quick. Even the new Husqvarnas aren't nearly as good as mine and they're still stupid expensive."
"I spent $800 on mine, but I got an $800 machine, ya feel me?"
~ GreenOnionCrusader
Washers
"A repair technician told me that the new HE washers are meant to last about 7 years."
"It’s literally a metal tube that agitates clothes and soapy water at various speeds."
"And why would an $800 circuit board give out so quickly?
"Meanwhile, my parents’ Kenmore from 1987 is still going strong."
~ PaperbackBuddha
Dryers
"I've gotten very good at repairing our mid-80s Kennmore dryer via YouTube videos and Amazon replacement parts."
"Neighbors up the way have been through 2 HE dryers in the past 10 years."
~ RicardoMultiball
Dehumidifiers
"Dehumidifiers."
"I’m on my 3rd since buying a house in early 2018."
"Everything is made to break."
~ sonofthenation
Video Games
"Video games, at least in some respect."
"It feels so common nowadays for games to be released in an unfinished, unacceptably buggy state because companies want to rush it out. They know people will buy it, and they can just finish it later."
"Plus there's still the issue of DLC that feels like 15-ish years ago would have been a part of the base game. Now you gotta cough up extra money for it."
"And the preorder bonuses and different editions that can come with different preorder bonuses."
"Either with a super omega deluxe version that's twice the cost of the game and comes with everything, or the lack thereof so you can't possibly get all the content being offered."
~ NathanHavokx
I switched to manual can openers about a decade ago, but now even those don't last.
Pull tops are my friend now.
What things do you think were better in the past?
Double standards are an unfortunate part of society.
A double standard is when two or more individuals or sets of people are treated differently when they should be treated the same.
A good example is the difference in the way my brother and I are treated when we cook. I'm big on baking and have a natural talent for it. Whenever I bake anything, even something complicated, like cheesecake, I'm given minimal praise, if any at all. This is because I'm a woman, and in my family culture, women are expected to be able to bake.
My brother isn't as good a baker as me and rarely does it, but when he does, he is praised for subpar brownies because he's a man and it's amazing he can even cook as well as he does.
I'm not the only one who has experience with this.
Redditors have identified many double standards in society and are eager to share.
It all started when Redditor Extreme-Minute-4746 asked:
"What double standards make you angry?"
Civil Service
"As a federal government employee, why do I have to follow all kinds of ethics rules, but politicians and judges don’t?"
– mittychix
"F**k, right? I have to spend six weeks reviewing documentation and hearing out dozens of random companies to award a £100k contract but the minister who runs my department can give his mate's company a multi-million£ contract to run ferries without even getting quotes - DESPITE THAT COMPANY NOT HAVING AND FERRIES AND THE PORT IN QUESTION NOT HAVING CAPACITY FOR THEM."
"I left the civil service after that one."
– Disco_is_Death
"This. Yeah I could get in trouble for accepting a gift over $50 (like I have that much influence anyway) but politicians and judges get lobbied millions..it's infuriating."
– gtbeam3r
"Yes. And they get to keep their jobs for being completely dysfunctional, but if I pulled a fraction that garbage, I’d be fired."
– TrekJaneway
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"That some people expect you to respect their no, whilst they will most definitely not respect yours."
– IvyBloodroot
"On that note, respecting someone as an authority is often equated to respecting someone as an individual."
"Eg. Teachers who say if you don't respect me (as a superior), I won't respect you (as a person), when they're really not the same thing."
– Paperonia
The Bullied
"School bullying."
"The kid getting picked on has essentially no power. Go to a teacher? Get labeled a snitch and tattle tale. Don't do anything? You're just made an easier target. The moment they fight back, they're the ones who end up dealing with detention, suspension, expulsion, etc. You have more power as a bully in the schools than the victim."
– FriskeCrisps
"It's because bullied people are usually rule followers, and the school wants the problem dealt with as quickly as possible. Best way to do that is to expect the rule follower to follow rules, rather than the rule breaker to suddenly change their ways."
"Fairness ends up on the chopping block."
– darsynia
Services Cliff
"I'm 41 years old and have Cerebral Palsy. If I try to find anything related to the disease - how to deal with it, any kind of ongoing care - it is virtually impossible because all the care is just for children with CP. It's like once you turn 18 the world just doesn't care anymore."
– Zechnophobe
"I’m autistic and in the same boat. “How to deal with a child who…” I'M ASKING FOR ME."
– aroaceautistic
A Two-Way Street
"People who are obsessed with the idea of kids being respectful towards adults, but don't treat kids with respect in turn."
"Edit for example: I went to a very old-fashioned school where the rule was that when an adult entered the room, even in the library and break/lunch, every student in the room had to immediately fall silent - mid sentence, mid word, didn't matter - and stand up until we were given permission to sit back down again. If we didn't, we were chewed out and sometimes even given detentions. The argument was that it trained us into respect, but I was also brought up to believe it's rude to interrupt, and it felt like the teachers were constantly interrupting us."
– MerylSquirrel
"My father in law is like that. He’s “kids should be seen and not heard” type of old school."
"But then he wonders why the children in the family all steer clear of him and why they disregard most things he says."
– Macintosh0211
Doctor, Doctor
"This might be a bit controversial, but I’ve come across a couple of doctors who demand special treatment away from work but preach and practice treating all their patients equally."
– kimchi-pancake
"They charge you a fee or cancel if you’re 5 minutes late but have no problem leaving you waiting for hours. I’ve waited an hour in the lobby and another in the actual examination room."
– SadComfort8692
"Same! i can understand if it’s out of their control but i could hear her, clear as day, giggling with her coworkers about her weekend. i waited 20 in the lobby and 20 in the exam room. i love a good gab but, for f**k’s sake, do it later! if i yapped outside for 20 minutes, it would be a $50 fee and another 4 month long wait to be seen again."
"I suddenly had a $50 i-can-hear-you-nattering-through-the-wall fee. she laughed but it’s been collecting interest ever since…"
– manyfeetball
Alcohol Is Alcohol
"Beer drinkers act like they aren’t alcoholics because they don’t drink hard liquor. Ok sir you just drank 25 beers and then looked at me sideways for drinking a g&t at the family reunion."
– Brainfog_shishkabob
"Same goes for the “sophisticated” wine drinkers..."
"Stop judging me for enjoying a drink on the terrace a few times a year, when you empty 1-2 bottles each evening..."
– 2Madam_Mimmm
"That’s definitely the way it is. I’ve got a snotty alcoholic family member, that THINKS she’s sophisticated, because she drinks high dollar wine, out of very expensive glasses."
"Yeah, pissing yourself and passing out, in front of the mailbox, are definitely the traits of a sophisticated person."
– sweathogbrooklyn
Mr. Mom
"Fathers taking care of their kids."
"I take my kids to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, take them to school, and pick them up. I do all that stuff."
"Every single f**king time, it's, “Dad’s babysitting today?” Or some stupid comment like that. No, I’m not babysitting. I’m being a f**king parent!"
"I hate the double standard that dads can’t do stuff like that with their kids."
"I can’t take my daughter to the park without being questioned or looked at funny either."
"People need to give dads more respect. A lot of us bust our a**es too. I work hard. I take care of my kids, I play with my kids. I clean the house. I do laundry. I don’t stop. I don’t rest, I don’t relax."
– moms-sphaghetti
"Give us changing tables in the men's room!"
– Da1UHideFrom
"Nothing bugs me more than when a place only has changing tables in the women's bathroom."
"It's 2023, I take my son to the aquarium by myself sometimes... Looking at you London SeaLife centre 🤨"
– AstonVanilla
Household Split
"The laundry is always a wierd one. My wife is a much better cook than me. And she hates me cooking when she's in the house. So to compensate I do all the laundry, including ironing before someone mentions it, and all the washing of dishes."
"But even at work, this doesn't seem to be understood as possible. I complained my washing machine had broken and the comment was 'Oh no, what's wife's name going to do?'"
"To which the answer was 'Wonder why I haven't done the washing this week.'"
"But it's infuriating."
– RelativeStranger
Justice Is Bought
"The American justice system. You can afford the best and many more lawyers when you have money."
– TooAfraidToAsk814
"Justice is blind, but the b*tch sure can smell money."
– burgher89
Worship
"I am supposed to respect people's religion, but people aren't supposed to respect my non-religion."
"Particularly when their religion instructs them to not respect my non-religion."
– GeebusNZ
"It kinda makes my head spin that there are people who I get along well with who, per their religion, think I deserve to be tortured in agony for all eternity."
– Daztur
Yup, me and my non-religious self have personal experience with that last one!