With each passing year of a marriage, couples will often discover that while they don't love each other any less than they once did, that spark their relationship used to carry has faded.

This will often lead these couples to look for ways to spice things up a bit.

Among the more popular experiments is inviting a third member to their bedroom.

Enticing as this prospect is, however, it's also easy to be intimidated by the reality of it, or even the mere suggestion of it.


In an effort to help those who have suggested this proposition, Redditor cindyvanessa took to Reddit to ask:
"Men, what advice do you have for men whose wives want to bring a third into the bedroom?"

Make sure you want to do it.

"You need to be completely honest with yourself, ask if this is something you want and could live with."- Dame87

Proceed with caution

"It’s like frolicking in a mine field."

"You both better be SUPER into the idea, you can’t have one person who’s reluctantly agreed to go along with it."

"And established rules."

"A threesome sounds like fun and games until you’re watching your partner make faces and sounds that you only thought were for you in your most intimate moments together, and a burning jealousy comes out of nowhere and breaks your heart."

"I’m not saying it’s automatically a bad idea and I know people do polyamory successfully, but dear god be careful."- coleosis1414

Make sure you're an active participant

"I had an ex that was adamant that she wanted to be a swinger or whatever."

"The one time I decided to roll with it, I hit it off immediately with the other dude's girlfriend and had a blast hanging out with her all night."

"The other dude was a total creep, though."

"Also, my ex could not handle the fact that someone else was giving me the slightest bit of attention."

"So, needless to say, that didn't go anywhere."

"Turns out she didn't want to be a swinger, she just wanted to have sex with other people behind my back, which she had no problems whatsoever with."- Ted_Denslow

Look out for ulterior motives

"Just remember that if you bring this up and your husband is against it, that could be the beginning of the end of your marriage."

"For a lot of people their partner saying 'I am seriously considering having sex with other people and I'm checking with you if it is ok', is a deal breaker."- gamerplays

Consider a test run?

"Go to a bar together separately."

"Watch them flirt/interact with someone else."

"If you get jealous, it's probably a bad idea to bring in a third."

"If it turns you on, go for it."- SinSlayer

Query people with experience.

"It’s something my wife and I have talked about."

"We both agreed that opening the Pandora’s box is not the way we want our relationship to go."

"While it sounds fun, we have seen way to many relationships derailed because of it."- DarthDujo

Consider going whole hog.

"Bring a 4th."- xxemrgmi

Evaluate your relationship first.

"Make sure you and your partner are secure in your own relationship before having another person join."

"Have boundaries, and no secrets."

"From my experience it doesn't usually work out in the end."- Thick-Procedure455

Just don't!

"Don't do it."

"For a long time, my ex harbored a fantasy of watching me have sex with another woman."

"Hey, who knows why any of us are wired the way we are?"

"After contemplating the idea together for a while, we decided to approach one of her more attractive co-workers, who had made a series of flattering comments along the lines of "you're so lucky" and "he's so good-looking'."

"She enthusiastically agreed."

"Our first meet-up was of course awkward, but the second, third and following were pretty good."

"In fact they got progressively hotter, as we all got more comfortable with each other's boundaries, erotic likes and dislikes."

"However, over a few months these occasional kinky weekends transitioned into the co-worker asking more frequently and aggressively to be invited over."

"We tried to explain that we had intended these threesomes to be rare and exotic highlights in our sex life, not regular occurrences, but she didn't take the message to heart and instead became increasingly insistent, bordering on smothering."

"After being turned down one Friday, that night she unexpectedly showed up at our door anyway, carrying a weekend bag and wearing nothing but a raincoat, stay-ups and heels."

"While that was quite a sight, it definitely creeped us out, as it made us finally realize the whole arrangement was descending into 'play Misty for me' territory."

"My ex and I agreed that her unexpected and unwelcome appearance signaled the end of future three-ways, at least until we were able to cool our own selves down, reassess, and perhaps later find a less demanding and insistent third."


"Things subsequently got very sticky at work for my wife, as her co-worker, with whom she had to interact closely, strongly resented being permabanned, and kept demanding to know 'what she'd done that was so awful'."

"Coworker eventually asked to be transferred to another office, but by the time that process was over and done, the discomfort / guilt / pressure / confusion my ex was suffering both at home and at work had begun to take its psychological toll."

"I must confess it didn't help that our own sex life was simultaneously going through a rough patch."

"Long story short, we ended our decade-long relationship less than a year after breaking off the threesomes, chiefly due to trust issues and growing sexual incompatibility, both perhaps triggered by our experimentation."

"Ever since, I've regretted agreeing to that first three-way."

"If I hadn't been so damned eager to take a bite of forbidden fruit, we might have kept our relationship intact."

"But I guess this can also be put down as what sometimes happens when you ignore that old advice, 'don't sh*t where you sleep'."- theartfulcodger

When venturing into the unknown, it's always wise to gain some first hand experience, to hear a variety of pros and cons of what you're possibly getting yourself into.

That way, deciding whether or not it's for you will become increasingly clear.

It's also important to remember, that it is always ok to say "no".

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