Just because someone is an adult or a parent doesn't mean crazy things can't fall out of their mouths every so often.
Sometimes parents say the darndest things.
That's why we should always have a pen or a recording device at the ready.
I suggest the phone.
Just wear fitted tees with pockets and hit record.
You have know idea how much having receipts will pay off mentally later.
Redditor TheGasMove wanted to hear about what things parents have said to their kids that left kids SHOOKETH, so they asked:
"What has a parent said to you that made you go WTF?"
The amount of things my mother has said to me that has left me gobsmacked is endless.
I should've kept a journal.
Comedy gold.
The Proof
Jennifer Lawrence Reaction GIFGiphy"After I told my mother that I didn't open up to her or my dad because I didn't trust them with my emotions, she started screaming that she hated me. Like, girl, this is exactly why I don't tell you things đ."
LandPiranha63
Lessons Learned
"My mom told me that women pooped babies out of their butt. I believed this until I was 12 or 13. Boy, I got laughed at when I used this as my answer when asked in Sex Ed."
Eastern-Operation275
"I (27 F) have divorced parents and my mom always taught me the proper anatomy for things and that it's nothing shameful. On the other end, one day when I was at my dad's, a stray cat gave birth on his porch, and my stepsisters (same age) told my half-sister that it was coming out of the cat's butt, and I was like dude what? I questioned them, and they gave me scornful looks like I just said something offensive. LOL."
SpaceTimeBurrito
SURPRISE!!!
"A few months ago I had gone to do a surprise visit to my grandparents on my dadâs side. While I was driving up their property I saw them walking in their groceries and witnessed seeing my dad for the first time. I had never met my dad in my life but knew my grandparents."
"I walked up and greeted my grandmother and she ushered me over to talk to my father. As I went to greet him this dude threw his hood on and jumped in his truck and locked the doors and said no words to me. Never in my life have I witnessed a grown man run away like that."
Dabtoker3000
Facts...
"My father once told me that between my brother and I, I was his favorite. This caught me off guard because I thought parents werenât supposed to have favorites."
fun_Dip_fan
"My dad once told me Iâm not his favorite. So I told him heâs not my favorite either. Proceeded to get angry."
Honest_Math_7760
"It's problematic to share with your kids that you have a favorite."
LackEfficient7867
Bald Choices
Regret No GIF by Outside TVGiphy"I shaved my head at 21 and kept that hairstyle for the last 28 years. My dad walked into my room when I was 26 and asked me for a comb! He looked at me, thought about it for a second, and laughed. RIP dad. I miss you."
Content-Damage8406
It's my hair. I'll do what I want to.
That's the kid's motto.
Adults not so much.
At least that was my experience.
Why Bother?
Ytho GIFGiphy"When I called my mother to find out a good time of year to visit her she said, 'What for?'"
Space_T0ilet
Sure Papa Joe!
"Wasnât my parents but my Grandpa."
â'Josh can you take me to see Marge?' Marge was his long-time girlfriend who had Alzheimerâs. My GP was in his 70s at the time and we took away his car because he was a dangerous man behind the wheel, to say the least. 'Sure Papa Joe!' That or PJoe was his nickname."
"Drive him to the place Marge was cared for at. Stop at the front and ask 'How long until I come back?' He replied 'Give me an hour. That should be long enough for us to have sex.' I start crying laughing and he leaves with a giant smirk. I could never look at him again without thinking or saying 'Almost 80 and still getting after it, WTF!"
ackbosh
The Joker
"Oof. I hadnât talked to my dad in 15 years. I decided to reach out (for certain reasons and not to restart a relationship). He asked if he could ask me about my life. I let him. I told him, among other things, I was in a wonderful relationship with a terrific gal."
â'Is this a real relationship or like the girlfriends I had when I was with your mother.'â
"I was equally glad I disowned him 15 years ago, disappointed a man and a father would speak like that to his estranged son, and angry that he was the father I was born to. He is just one big joke to me."
Silence-brothers
Chop Chop
Steve Harvey Reaction GIFGiphy"I would often visit the kitchen to watch how my mother cooks. One day when my father saw me coming out of the kitchen, he said 'You keep visiting the kitchen, your penis and testicles are gonna fall off. Thatâs how girls are made.â Context: I was 7 when he said that to me and we are a Korean family."
DeepSleepr
Learning to cook, is a great survival skill.
More dads need to get onboard with that.
Parents lie.
But the older we get, the more we realize parents are not just humans telling little white lies.
They can be villains with malicious intent.
Catching a parent in a lie can be soul-crushing.
But it's a part of growing up.
Hopefully we learn how to be better.
Redditor Hackedfaith wanted to hear about the times people realized their parents were hard-fibbing, so they asked:
"What is the worst lie you caught your parents telling?"
My mom told me anything in life was possible.
And cheaters never win.
Yeah sure. Sell me an igloo an Iceland too.
âExpelled
Andy Samberg Ugh GIF by The Lonely IslandGiphy"My Dad used to tell me that he learned all of his cool tricks and skills in 'Daddy School.' I'm now 28, married and still have not been enrolled."
AdLive7065
Thief
"That the 2K I earned at my summer job would be safe in my mom's savings account until I wanted to withdraw it later. Never saw that money again."
drillgorg
"I lost money to my mom too. I was a kid, told her I had $50 in change (I don't know where it all came from), and she said I didn't. She counted it and it was gone."
"She stole a good deal of my babysitting money. Hundreds of dollars. She filed my first tax return (without telling me) and kept whatever money I would have got. She told me that the fee to get it done was about as much as I would have gotten back."
Sarhii
A Second Family
"That my mother was schizophrenic. I was 15 and knew she had been battling depression for years. Schizophrenia runs in our family and as an angsty teenager, it was very easy for me to believe... She was completely convinced that my father had a secret second family. She was diagnosed and medicated for years. He did have a second family."
Thationdeas76
"He did have a second family??? That had to have been devastating. 'Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you.'"
TwoLittleNeedleMarks
2008
"That they couldnât afford to pay for college. So I took a job during the day and paid my way through night and weekend school. Turns out I had a decent trust fund from my grandfather. I could have graduated and started working for a higher wage 4 years earlier. I tell myself that graduating in 2008 wouldnât have been a good idea anyway."
RandomRavenclaw87
Weekends Only
Looney Tunes Rabbit GIFGiphy"Up until I was 8 years old, they told me that daddy was away at college. We would go see him on weekends. Found out later that he was in prison. I wondered why we could only talk to him behind glass on a telephone."
hhairy
The truth about parents can often to difficult to accept.
That's why there is therapy.
Scandal
Shocked Oh No GIF by YĂȘu LuGiphy"Found out when I was 25 I have a sister one year older than me that they gave up for adoption, I'm 37 and have been searching for her for the past 10 years."
Even_Future2580
'Mom! Mom!'
"One night I went downstairs to ask my mother something. My dad was a light sleeper and would get really pissed if anyone woke him up, so I whispered, 'Mom! Mom!' All of a sudden my dad sat up and yelled at me to get lost. They told me I should never sneak up on them because they had a gun and my dad thought I was an intruder and almost shot me."
"They scared the bejeezus out of me. Sometimes when I tried to get to sleep I'd remember how my dad almost shot me. For years. Even after I moved out. Decades later, I mentioned it to my mom. She started laughing and told me they were having sex. There was no gun."
Sapphyrre
Internal Affairs
"My dad went into the ER with stroke-like symptoms. He ended up having a severe brain bleed that required immediate and major surgery. While he was laying in the ICU, my mother, who opened their computer to get insurance info, found messages on his linked-in page, that heâd left open earlier that morning before I took him to the ER, from a woman he was engaged to in college. They had been having an affair for over a year."
ParanrmlGrl
Still Works
"They told me if I was lying there would be bubbles on my tongue. So when they asked me something and they thought I was lying they'd tell me to stick out my tongue. If I knew I was telling the truth, I'd open my mouth confidently and show off my bubble-free tongue. If I was lying, I'd try to scrape the bubbles off with my teeth. I now use it on my son. Still works."
Obst1994
Tilly
"When I was 4 We had a dog called Tilly, my mom said that she gave her away to a boy who couldn't speak and she died while saving him from drowning in a river Years later when I was around 13, my mom was on the phone with her friends and they were talking about their pets that passed away, turns out that tilly died because my mom was drunk and let her out of the house, she ended up getting hit by a car."
Yogurt2022
Bad Bunny
Easter Bunny Dance GIF by SportsManiasGiphy"When my sibling and I were young, we were tossing toys around that the Easter Bunny had left for us. My mom started yelling at us, 'I did not buy those for you to treat them like that.'"
ExMoIsMyPersonality
Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy... the lies are enormous.