It takes strength to say "I love you" and it takes courage to admit when it's gone. People have their own ways of doing so, but some are better than others - it's best be direct, and not string along someone you no longer love.
novemberhaze asked, What are some signs that someone isn't in love with you anymore?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
No more "I love you."
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For me, It was very subtle. We were still in love, but it wasn't enough.
She stopped saying 'I love you.' In the same way. She'd only say it as a kind of joke, like if I messed something up, 'I love you, but look at how you made the bed.' She started exploring things that had nothing to do with me. She started playing sport back in her home town on the weekends, and started thinking about moving back there for a year to study. Other things just felt off. She'd finish work and I wouldn't hear from her for an hour, even though she was meant to be coming over - way out of character for her. She started saying 'you' or 'me' instead of 'us.' She would turn up to my house red eyed, looking like she'd been crying. She was suddenly in contact with her ex again.
And most importantly, you just know. When you've been so in love for so long, you can't fake it once it fades.
Definitely cheating.
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For me it was almost the opposite. Lots of "we" and "us" but the expectation in reality was that it was only me, e.g. "we need to clean the house" or "We need to paint the porch".
Then comes the blame that I haven't done it.
The worst part about it all (and it's still ongoing because I'm fighting to save it as best I can) is that all of the daily running of the house and child-care is now my responsibility while she goes out to the gym, or football practice, or to an unspecified friend's house to watch a film late at night. Suspicious but I have no real proof that this isn't actually true.
I can understand, disappointing as it may be, that we have grown apart but the lack of direct involvement with the children is what really breaks my heart.
Love shouldn't be annoying...
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I felt him losing interest. No more cuddly conversations, irritability when I asked him questions, no more little gifts or notes. I felt his lack of love for a full year before he finally just decided to break up, I was surprised because I just assumed that's what happens to relationships after a few years of being around the other person.
Now I get hugs when I come home from work, and random flirty texts throughout the day. I see the love. But I'll know what to look for if it happens again.
Is it really Hayley's fault though?
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Constantly sneaking around, lying, distant emotionally, or ya know
When he takes that chick Hayley from work out to breakfast at the restaurant you've been begging to go to for over a year and lies about who he's actually out with.
Edit: first, holy cow this blew up. Second to answer a lot of questions I got Yes Hayley was aware that I and then SO were together. She has a "fun" habit of only trying to date men who are married or in a relationship. Not sure why.
SO and I are both men. I am gay, he is bisexual.
No I won't be keying anyone's car but that made me laugh so thank you to everyone who suggested it and offered to help give me an alibi. You're great.
And lastly I'm doing okay. Thanks again to everyone who asked. All the jokes and well wishes have been a SERIOUS pick me up. I hope great things are going on for all of you guys. Your wonderful.
There's no love without humor and joy.
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When they stop laughing at things you do that they used to love. You can see it in their face too, that they are just done, and it's heartbreaking.
Having time for someone is a choice...
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Lack of time for you is the biggest red flag, romantic or not, family or not, friend or not.
• "Not all....."
• "What if......"
• "But sometimes....."
I don't give a f*ck.
At least try if you love someone.
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When they don't make an effort to call or text.
When they do things they know that hurt you.
When they just don't make an effort honestly.
Ouch, but props for learning from it.
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I was at an ex girlfriend's place over New Years one time. We'd agreed to do something to celebrate - just something silly like lighting some sparklers outside at midnight, y'know? Something to celebrate the moment with just the two of us. It was our first year together, after all. But when the clock hit, she was there on her laptop chatting and smiling away to her special friend while I sat there, awkwardly, being ignored. It was obvious who she wanted to be with in that moment, and it wasn't me. She was right there, but she may as well have been in another country.
I felt like such an idiot, but it was also kind of liberating, I guess. It was really just the tip of the iceberg of what had gradually become a very toxic and one-sided relationship and that moment of clarity was what I needed to finally make the decision to break up and move on with my life.
Sometimes it's obvious when they're over it.
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Lack of physical touch or affection.
Disinterest in planning to hang out together and when you do, they look forward to being apart more than being together.
Waning interest creeps up on you.
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You can kinda just feel the drop off in interest. You may not notice it as much while it's happening due to denial or something, but looking back later on it becomes pretty obvious.
When you realize you've been ghosted.
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When your the one reaching out (calling/texting) and you decide to stop and get radio silence for two weeks.
When they won't give you a ride.
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This may sound silly, but not picking you up when you need a ride home. Someone who loves you actively worries for your safety and will inconvenience themselves to give you a ride when you need it.
I knew my husband was in love with me when he drove a significant distance every week to see me when we were dating. I knew my best friend's boyfriend had stopped caring for her when he let her walk home alone at night because he just couldn't be bothered.
If your partner stops saving time for you, it may be time to reclaim yours.
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You stop being a priority. And that's not to say you always have to be the number one priority all the time, but it should be reasonable. If your SO keeps going out with friends instead of spending any time with you for weeks, then maybe you need to have a talk.
If everything's a fight, your relationship ain't right.
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They pick fights over EVERYTHING.
For the record though, if you think the toilet paper goes under, you don't deserve to be loved anyway.
