Whoever said that "you should never go to bed angry" has clearly never dealt with actual sleep deprivation. The idea of being so committed to your partner that you're not willing to rest til peace is achieved is a cute idea ... but sometimes, sleep is the best thing you can do to quell anger.
Anger combined with sleep deprivation is a perfect recipe for disaster. For people struggling with their mental health, this can be a particularly potent combo. What's said can never be unsaid and saying "sorry" doesn't actually fix the damage.
One Reddit user asked:
What's a common "life pro-tip" that is actually BAD advice?
and honestly... why do we even listen to advice at this point? Holy crap. Sometimes the "experts" are dead wrong.
Go Ahead And Give Up
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"Never give up." Sometimes you should give up. Sometimes you'll try your best and it still won't work out.
My ex has been chasing me for a fckin year.. including leaving notes on my car in the middle of the night and sending me long letters every other week even though I've told him to stop many times. They just go in the trash. It's sad - but I learned one of his friends encouraged him.
"Don't give up if you love her!"
All the rest can't convince him to just stop it.
I like the saying "if you're going to fail, fail quickly".
I think it emphasizes an attitude of learning from mistakes quickly and moving forward rather than blindly flogging a dead horse as is the case in 'never give up'.
My favorite version of this: "It's better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb, than halfway up one you don't."
This quote inspired me to quit my career of 10 years and go back to school. Best decision I ever made.
Still Work
"If you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life."
Many people use this advice thinking they'll be able to easily coast through life and are shocked when they have to face the reality of it being an actual job. When you do something that you love as a career rather than as a hobby, it becomes much more serious and has more responsibilities. Sometimes it can even lead to you hating the thing you used to love.
This isn't to discourage anyone who wants to pursue a career in something they enjoy, like a photographer or a chef. If you want to have a career doing something you enjoy, that's great. But you have to go in knowing that it won't be all sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. There will be difficulties from time to time and you won't have the same amount of freedom that you used to have when it was just a hobby. As long as you go in knowing that and are willing to adapt and work hard, you'll be fine.
I was able to create my dream job, be successful at it, and it still felt like work. I enjoyed it, and still enjoy it, but I have other interests and hobbies. I enjoy spending time with family, but really the word of advice would be if you have that Sunday night gut check, if you are resenting going to work, or hate Sundays because the weekend is over, you definitely need a new job.
It's okay to work hard, like 80% of it, but even with my dream job, there is still about 20% that I don't enjoy doing, but it comes with it.
The Problem Is You
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"Just be yourself" "you're perfect just the way you are" and "never let anyone change you" are double edged swords preventing many people from growing out of horrid habits or bad personality traits.
If a lot of people are telling you to change your behavior, chances are you're gonna fck up your life if you dont pay attention.
If one person tells you you're wrong, maybe you could actually be right.
If everyone tells you you're wrong, you're wrong.
Looks Matter
"Looks don't matter."
No matter how confident you are with yourself it is inevitable that people will judge you based on your appearance.
Nor is it an excuse not to care for yourself.
"Mom, the only people who'll notice are just shallow."
"Darling, just go brush your hair."
There is plenty to rightfully judge based on looks because it indicates other qualities that may be important to you in a mate/friend. Hygiene, hair, weight, clothes, posture, body language and many others are all things under your control. There is some wiggle room in terms of finance, genetics, etc but for the most part a person has a lot of control over how they look.
Think about what you do judge a person on as well, it is almost always on the aspects they can control. If you think someone looks like a gross slob because of their neck beard, dandruff, and messy hair those are all things that person can change. You didn't look at them and think their nose was too big or their eye color sucked.
Man Up
Man up always rubbed my the wrong way.
Its ok for a baby boy to cry but once they can walk on their own feet? Its shut up your a boy and boys don't cry...
Teaching boys/men no to express emotions leads to anger problems and the inability to properly communicate in a relationship. It's not right and if a boy wants to cry or be mad or anything other than happy let him. It might prevent another domestic violence case or just raise a good man
It's Not An Excuse, It's A Reason
I kind of have "no excuses" drilled into me but...sometimes there are legit reasons why you can't do something.
My parents drilled this into me so when i got extremely stressed and depressed in school, instead of telling teachers
"Hey, I'm not in a great mental state, can i have an extra day"
I just didn't do it and nearly failed half my classes.
The no excuses line really f**ks you up as a kid with a disability. Like, there's a genuine reason why my blind @ss self can't hit a tennis ball but I'm not allowed to make excuses.
I kept hoping that attitude would go away as I got older but honestly once I aged out of IEPs it got worse. Self-advocacy is a nightmare when you're shy and don't "look" disabled. I'm legally blind but I pass as sighted if you don't know me or see me in a brand new place.
I could get adaptations but I had to justify all of them over and over. It just got exhausting and my university's idea of helping was a letter I had to give every prof/ta along with the spiel. It made every class a chore.
Terms And Conditions Apply
"Love unconditionally"
Don't let this phrase allow you to keep people in your life who make you unhappy or treat you poorly.
No Means No
I think it would be have to be not to take no for an answer. You don't win every time.
Agreed, I feel like having someone aggressively refuse a no from me for trivial things alone would be uncomfortable after a while.
- _Dr_K
Yeah, sounds rapey.
My ex-friend told me that he had a crush on me over Snapchat. When I told him I didn't feel the same, he kept pushing me, asking for a secret relationship. When I made it clear I was not the slightest bit interested in that, he suggested we could stay friends, but we could cuddle, hold hands, and give each other cheek and forehead kisses. I, again, told him no, and he continued to push me.
I also got to see a new side of him after he finally realized I wasn't interested in him whatsoever. He started becoming a manipulative jerk, so he's not part of my life now.
The whole thing made me super uncomfortable and I'm glad I told him no. If he was that rude and persistent in that aspect, it worries me how he would have acted in a relationship.
So, yeah, there are times when you should take no for an answer. Don't make people unnecessarily uncomfortable.
At work we recently had to abolish an entire department and we're going to contract out for that position instead. We arranged a guaranteed interview with the contracting company for anyone who wanted one, so that hopefully they'd stay with us, just with a different employer.
One employee, Linda (who is a complete pain, apparently interviewed really terribly. She got a letter saying that she wasn't being offered a position. She immediately sent me (her boss) and my boss about 15 texts telling us we needed to "do something about this." When we were like yeah, there's nothing we can do, she then bombarded the person at the contracting company with emails angrily demanding an in-person meeting to "resolve it" and that she wouldn't take no for an answer.
Newsflash, Linda, that's not how you get a job.
Toxic Positivity
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"Good vibes only/ always be positive/ etc."
While positivity is a great thing, and it's better to try to be optimistic than being pessimistic, blocking out all negativity is just a defense mechanism to keep you from acknowledging and coping with the things that bother you. Don't let negativity bring you down, but also don't be afraid to experience difficult emotions-- it's just a part of life.
Cut Off
Cutting off anyone who is toxic to you. Yes some people deserve to be cut off but pretty much everyone we know is toxic or hurtful to us at some point in our life why not put some effort into fixing the relationship and maybe figuring out the root cause of the issue rather then ruining every relationship as soon as things go slightly rocky?
Frienemies
"keep your friends close and your enemies closer"
don't associate with those you have animosity towards. it really fucks you up if you're around someone or something you don't like for too long and especially if it's consistently.
Self Care
"Focus on school/work/taking care of others/etc now and do life later."
False. You could die tomorrow. Even assuming everything goes as planned, that way of life will suck out all your happiness, passion, and drive long before you have a chance to enjoy the payoff. Its important to allow yourself regular happiness and freedom. If you don't make time for self care now, you will be forced to make time for it later.
Kids
'Have kids, it brings happiness to your life!'
- Having kids is not pure joy at all, it is like having a super hard job that can be really meaningful and satisfying, but is not meant for everyone. It is a cultural taboo talking about the negative side of parenthood, but even researches show that couples tend to feel happier without children.
- A child is not a tool to make you happy. When you genuinely feel that you have enough to share and you have realistacally thought through what having a child means for your life, you might want to go down that road, and make a new - probably happy - human being.
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For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...