Redditor redhead_in_red wanted to hear about the ways in which choosing "Me First" can actually be a detriment.
So they asked:
"What's some popular self-care/self-love advice that is actually really toxic?"
The telling it like it is crew always gets me.
There is truth and the way you say it.
Nope
Go Away Art GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"If they can't handle my worst, they don't deserve my best,' funny how those people are always at their 'worst.'"
Team-Hero
"I consider anyone who ever says this to be radioactive, so I stay miles away. I remember being on dating sites and some women using that in their info. Automatic nope... lol."
Beaudaci0us
Stay Positive
"Advice to Surround yourself only with positive people, if you're willing to cut people from the your life when they are a bit down, that's a recipe for people hiding the negatives in their life from friends, only discussing the positive and having mostly superficial friendships, for fear of you being cut out of their lives."
"Not saying you need to keep people in your life who are treating you badly, but we all go through times when we are up and times when we are down, friends give you thier time through both."
cognitivebetterment
Trust
“'Always trust your feelings.'”
"This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change."
youkick
"I always took this as 'trust your gut,' meaning 'trust your instinct.' We describe it as a feeling but it's actually thought, memory, and sensation/feeling - not an emotion. And this definitely gets lost in our collective game of telephone."
"It's meant for things pertaining to general survival decisions, mostly. Like, a gut 'feeling' to not cross the street yet. It's a bunch of things we pick up on but can't quite put our finger on, and it is better to act without thinking on each thing and memory specifically."
Conditional
"That you should expect unconditional support love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners. Popular idea, but if people really care they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill."
"Unconditional support does NOT mean they go along with whatever you want. It means they care about you and support you, even when you make bad decisions. And sometimes, supporting you means telling you how it is."
GildedLily16
Rubbish
You Lie Harry Potter GIF by SkyGiphy"The sort of 'positivity' that relies on dragging other people down."
"I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but can apply to other things too), and I just think it's really sad."
"It doesn't solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!"
ClydeB3
Keeping everyone afloat is part of the positive.
Brutal
Giphy"It's not really advice, but it's popular for people to label themselves as 'brutally honest.'"
"Honesty is good, but beware of people who are more interested in the brutality than the honesty."
SteezyPeez
True Dat.
"'Live your truth.' There is a fine line between between authenticity and being an a**hole."
Kurgan1536
"I've yet to meet a person who uses 'I'm speaking my truth' who didn't clearly mean "I don't care how incorrect or hurtful what I'm about to say is; if you don't accept it you're disrespecting me."
"To clarify since some replies are bringing up specific people. I don't know much about celebrities. I was mostly thinking of a former coworker who would use the phrase constantly when being blatantly wrong but still expecting to be accommodated for her preferred reality."
SumsuchUser
Say NO... to YOU!
“'Ignore the haters.'”
"Sometimes the 'haters' are people who love you and want to warn you of potential pitfalls (such as MLMs, cults, abusive relationships, etc.)"
"Update: A few people are saying that the definition of haters is, essentially, only people who are hating for the wrong reasons. I agree that’s what this advice intends to communicate. Basically, don’t pay any attention to people who project consistent irrational negativity your way."
"My concern is that this phrase is so easily misapplied as a 'self love' mantra which ultimately serves to keep some vulnerable people from listening to the valid and well-intentioned concerns of loved ones. It can be used by a manipulative person to keep victims/vulnerable followers in line."
"I like 'haters gonna hate' better because it implies there is a pattern. Like, 'oh that person is always hating so of course they’re hating now.' But if your sister is usually supportive, and definitely not a hater by nature, and is suddenly very concerned that your relationship is abusive... listen up!"
"I think it comes down to the idea that you have (arguably) more to lose by disregarding a well-intentioned friend than by paying attention to an ill-intentioned one. I appreciated the feedback and did not find any of you to be haters. :) "
REDDT
“girl boss”
"I have a friend who is very sucked into the 'girl boss' subculture that has her working all hours on a business that makes no money, then doing 'self care' in the form of spending the little money she makes on manicures or expensive beauty products that other people have told her are self care."
"Self care and self love is sometimes admitting that you need to stop perusing something that isn’t working and is making you miserable, even if it’s what you thought you wanted and even if everyone is telling you to keep going and not to give up."
wonkyboys
A Constant
Season 7 Work GIF by ShamelessGiphy“'Cut off anyone that doesn’t bring you peace.'"
"Obviously this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable. But a stressful situation or argument with a friend that you care about doesn’t count if you haven’t attempted to work it out with them."
tinymom7674
Well I hope some truths sink in.
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.
Redditor DaniTheLovebug wanted to hear about the "wisdoms" people shared that were the worst possible things to say.
So they asked:
"What life hacks are actually terrible advice or dangerous?"
I do my best with bad advice. But I've taken too much.
Don't be like me.
The Winner
Wrestle Romantic Comedy GIF by HBO MaxGiphy"Any street fight 'advice' that isn't 'it's not worth it, run away.'"
AltruisticTadpole898
"The thing about street fights the street always wins."
OldElPasoSnowplow
Just 5
"Absolutely anything posted by 5 Minute Crafts."
WeaverWitch
"I came in here just to mention this, particularly one video-- not sure if it was by 5 Minutes Crafts or another similar channel-- that tells you to microwave an egg for a quick meal. It will explode and send you to the hospital."
sagganuts18
"This is what I was gonna say. Those people are the worst."
babybiggfoot
The Cut
"When cutting bagels remember to put your finger through the stabilization hole."
Bruin-lb-31
"Took me a minute to work this one out. My eyes widened so much the person next to me in Starbucks just asked if I needed help."
OffTheRecord_Models
"I know this is a joke, but I had to legit tell my then eight year old that she couldn’t put her hand in one of those big grinder/chipper thingys because she would not, in fact, grow a new one when it got chopped up."
dixiequick
A Bad Transformer
"ANYTHING AT ALL involving a microwave transformer. Woodburning, metal melting, arcs and sparks, whatever. Those little sh**s will kill you before you even know you're dying."
NotInherentAfterAll
"I had to go to a CPR of a 33 year old who fried himself in his backyard garage using some jerry-rigged microwave welder. He had a wife and two young kids. All I could think was 'man what a STUPID way to die.'"
anoncop1
New York Rule #1
bruce almighty fire GIFGiphy"Setting up candles and clay pots to heat your room instead of turning on the radiator. That's how a lot of fires start."
halbesbrot
I'm always weary around candles.
Melted
Melt Love GIF by CubemeltGiphy"There was a big thing a while back about boiling water melting the ice on your Windshield. Someone else used this 'hack' for me and my Windshield cracked into a total spider web."
LeeshaLeSmart
"That you can make your own air hockey table out of a couple dryers and some pegboard. Remember, if women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy."
Dokino21
"Love how I instantly thought of Red/Green 25 years after watching that episode."
reddituseronebillion
"Gotta love that show. My dad played it once when I was a kid and for some reason red green making a cop cars siren a toy girl doll crying was hilarious. And that was my gateway to this show."
Project-SBC
A Close Shave
"Using a nail file to shave the edges of your teeth to make them straighter."
youcantsitwithus-
"I got hit in the face with a hammer, and broke some teeth. Used this trick (well, 120grit sandpaper) to smooth off the jagged edges to tide me over until I could see a dentist. Dentist said I did a perfect job, and didn't charge me for the visit."
clueless_cueless
"It's so weird seeing people do it as a trend. I've always had people comment on the bottom of my teeth being uniform and straight, but its from years of grinding my teeth."
washed_up_okie
down your drain...
"Line your sink with foil and pour the grease and fat in that. Then when it dries an hour later, you can just roll it up and throw it away. Use an empty tin can. Line any ceramic bowl or mug with foil and use that instead. Don't make your sink unusable for at least an hour. Don't risk the foil tearing and the fat going down your drain. Use some common sense here."
manderifffic
A Delicate Balance
Credit Card Money GIF by Pudgy PenguinsGiphy"Keeping balances on your credit cards and opening more credit lines makes your score better. I've heard this thousands of times and it's the exact opposite of what you should do."
jc456981
Lesson here? Always research "advice" before you take it.
