No matter who we love.... our significant others, or agents, our clients, fans or loved ones... it's never enough! And artists need the validation. That validation will help change the world. We're all trapped in moments but when we're most lucid we can change humanity! We should never fear the things we believe in; especially if it leads to progress.....

Redditor u/spankthewhitewhale wanted to unburden a few feelings by asking.... What comes across as selfish but actually isn't?


Damn Age! 

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Acknowledging that you don't have the power/resources to care for a loved one and seeking help from a nursing home or adult protective services.

Dementia is no joke and it can slowly kill the souls of the family as well as the person suffering from the disease. Caregiver burnout can lead to psychoses, heart attacks, strokes, and suicide. These diseases can cause sufferers to become abusive and violent. The commercial ideal of the well-kept grandma who occasionally forgets things is so, so far from the truth for many families.

It's sad and causes so much guilt and anguish, but that's the reality we must live with. okapistripes

HELP!!!

This may be a weird one, but not "letting people help" when I did not request help, and offers of help were politely declined. TerribleAttitude

No. Just no!

Telling your family "no" when you feel you have maxed out your contribution to whatever cause they are campaigning. Especially when their methods of negotiation include applying guilt. onetimerone

No Co-Workers! 

Healthy firm relationship boundaries. riendlyantisocial

My co-worker thinks "Good morning, how are you?" is an invitation to a 20 minute conversation. I get in, I get my coffee, I start my computer, I get settled. If I let her go at it, I wouldn't start working til almost 10 am. She gets put-out when I say, whatever. I just started and I was friendly the first week to get to know people. I just want to start my day without talking to anyone, I'm not really that friendly. NotMyHersheyBar

You're #1! 

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Limiting contact with a friend whose issues are now affecting your own happiness. You have to look out for yourself, too. opebirmingham

Mr. Shue?! 

In high school one of the students in year 12 died and his friends were selling bracelets(I think) to raise money for his funeral. I couldn't afford one (they were like 10 dollars) as I was in year 9 and jobless without spare money. Anyway a lot of people were upset with me because I didn't have a bracelet for someone I didn't know and money I didn't have. arest7

You got this!!

Saying no to people. you don't have to always help people if it will spread you too thin. Self preservation is a thing. rngtrtl

I wish my Dad had given me the following advice earlier:

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Jazehiah

I think I'm alone now! 

Solitude.

Sometimes it's insanely healthy to be with yourself.

Sometimes the timing doesn't mesh with others' lives. StanFitch

Sometimes 'Family" has to go! 

Cutting off toxic family members/in-laws. I have cut my narcissistic abusive sister out of my life and I am in the process of cutting off my mother-in-law. Life is too short to allow abuse into your life because your abuser is a family member. Needlesstosa

Never involve Money! 

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Not giving money to family members. My longtime gf's family always asked her for money and I had to reassure it is okay not to give it because we have our own bills. BTW between the both of us her mom, brother, and sister have received money at one point in time. I am almost positive she has paid them more than I know, not my money, but they try to guilt us because we are in a better situation (we save a little after bills) and will never pay us back. HeyyJosh

Seek Treatment...

Not catering to someone who says they'll kill themselves if you leave them. They're the selfish one for trying to put that mess on you, and you owe it to yourself not to break down over it. PonchiBear

If someone says they will kill themselves if you leave them, you actually need to leave them as soon as possible. That sort of person is totally manipulative. ididntshootmyeyeout

I'm not your funny! 

I don't think it's selfish, but a lot of people in my life think it is. I'm a recovering alcoholic and I really don't care that my friends still drink, I just ask them not to talk to me if they're drinking because it's hard on me. I have gone off on some "friends" and actually straight up cut some people out of my life that think it's funny to drunk text me and send me pictures of alcohol and stuff because I'm the "drunk" of the group.

Nope. Screw you. You're blocked until you're sober and you apologize for being rude as hell. I'm not putting my sobriety at risk for your drunken laughs. sickbutterygnar

The Sound of Silence...

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To my family apparently, just sitting contently in silence. Apparently I'm rude for not wanting to join in their inane conversations. ThatBritishPleb

This is the issue my partners family has with me. I'll gladly talk if I feel there's something I can contribute but I'm perfectly content with just sitting in silence whilst they have their own conversation. underclassamigo

Think first.... family later.

Being in your mid 20's and having no kids/not wanting kids. I'm still a kid. I don't have my spending habits under control. I love time to myself and silence. You think I'm selfish because I acknowledge I'm not ready to have kids and understand I'd be bringing a child into the world that I'd struggle to support? Once I'm financially stable and further on in life, sure. But the whole routine of kids having kids needs to stop. Sort your life out, then think about starting a family. FredDroppedCornbread

These balls are mine! 

Not giving a baseball to a kid at a game. I've never caught a ball at a game in my life and it's something I've always wanted to do. Granted I'm absolutely not gonna shove some kid aside to get it but if I caught it I shouldn't be shamed and guilted into just giving it away. Sauce_McDog

Separate Check Please! 

You know that thing where you go out to dinner with a bunch of people, everybody orders expensive stuff and wine and desert, but you just order an inexpensive salad? Then the bill comes, and they decide to split it, and say you owe $235 for your inexpensive salad?

Yeah, f**k that.

Me: "Hey, guys, I ordered a $10 salad, I'm not paying $235." I guess that is not really selfish, just sticking up for yourself. What co-diner would be pissed if you said this? None. So, what I am saying, if this ever happens to you, speak up and don't go with the program. No one will judge you.

Source: Happened to me once. Once.

So, for you youngsters, they say you should learn from others' mistakes? Learn this one.

And, make double-damn sure you ask up front if you are paying your own way, or splitting equally, when you are first asked to go. That way, you can pass. That's the other thing I learned and do. "Hey, is this a pay your own way, or split equal deal? I'm a light eater and don't want to pay $235 for a $12 salad." That's what you say. In a joking way, but makes the point.

This is if you're not going out for some important meeting with your boss' boss' boss. Or something like that. That's a different situation. Man_with_lions_head

Pop it somewhere else!

Not buying overpriced popcorn from Boy Scouts. I still do and respect the kid coming to my door but you shouldn't be allowed to use kids in a situation where companies make money. I'd rather just give you cash. At least Girl Scout cookies are 6 bucks. sharpshooter88

No is the best word! 

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Saying no.

I used to say yes whenever somebody needed me or needed something from me. After going through a few events where I desperately needed somebody to be there for me in the same way (and nobody was), I realized running myself until I'm dead tired trying help and please others isn't worth it.

I don't have to hang out with people I don't want to. I don't have to rearrange my schedule to swap a shift with my coworker who has poor life planning skills. I don't have to pet sit for you even though you know I have nothing else going on that weekend. Last but not least, I'm not going to be a last minute add on to your vacation because your other friend backed out and you can't find somebody else to go.

No excuses necessary, the word "no" is enough. People act like this is some mind boggling thing and it's somehow rude. casualcat96

I'm just signing the card...

Not wanting to contribute to the leaving gift for a coworker that you barely knew. Dharmsara

I'm OK with contributing for a gift for a co worker I don't know well, but I get along with. But, I'm not OK with being asked for a contribution if they are leaving the same week I start. thatdarnnumber117

Save yourself first....

This may get buried but I just had to end my marriage of 9 years due to my partner's addiction. I was losing myself in their descent and spiral and I couldn't take it any more. It's still really fresh and really painful (and actually today is our anniversary) but it's what I need to do for myself to keep myself alive. I need to trust they will find their way without me and I'll find my way too. Thanks for reading. needathneed

None of us are perfect pr Saints amongst us. We all do the best we can. What things have you all done that came off more selfish? Though you KNOW you were being your best self!

REDDIT

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Is it even possible?

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Those were the days.

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I'm a bit unstable, yes.

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