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Alright, folks listen, it's time to talk about preppers. Or rather, "preppers."

I'm using quotations rather than a laughing emoji because my therapist and I are working on learning to control my loud face, and e-faces count.

We're not going to talk about the ones who take this seriously, who do the research and take the time to learn real survival skills. We're talking about (and TO) the ones who seem to think all you need during an apocalypse is more ammo and cool boots.


While I'm all for fantastic apocalypse fashion, there's a lot more needed if anyone is actually going to make it.

Reddit user 00chives00 asked:

What is the most overlooked item when prepping for the apocalypse?

Kick back, readers. It's time to learn how screwed we really are if things go sideways...

Wrap It Up

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"Condoms, because it seems like in every apocalypse series/movie there is a dummy that manages to get someone pregnant." - Reborn-1

"This is basically the plot to A Quiet Place" - ironman1977

"And the walking dead" - jujubeeee

"And Last man on Earth" - merc123

"They're also arguably the most effective way of keeping a thin item watertight. Militaries have yet to find a better method for keeping water out of guns." - wanttodoright

Everyone With Bad Eyesight

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"Glasses or contacts… even the doomsday preppers get this one wrong." - 00chives00

"everyone with bad eyesight is pretty much f*cked" - SamCarter_SGC

"Apocalypse Looting Tip: keep an eye out for Eagles eyeglass donation boxes. You'll probably find something close to your prescription in those."

"Take the spares and trade them to others in need. After all, they're supposed to be for charity. The Eagles aren't coming for them anyway." - GallopingGusset

Tiny And Precise

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"Little but hard-to-make stuff like matches, sewing needles, fish hooks, etc."

"I'm not a blacksmith, but I can hammer something simple out like a knife blade or a big door hinge. Tiny precise stuff? Fuhgeddaboudit." - nachtjaeger68

"Make them from bone or don't bother. Fish traps and nets are far more important than hooks and are easier to make." - Bogtrotterso1980

We Still Have Periods

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"Pads/tampons" - piratekingphi

"Huh? Periods end as soon as the apocalypse starts. This is common knowledge.

"You also never have to shave and makeup is plentiful and will stay applied perfectly even when you're running away from cannibals." - utaneku

"Better to use a silicone cup since pads/tampons will eventually run out since they are non-reusable."

"Sanitizing would be easy to do if you can boil water. Since boiling water is something that might be going on anyway with lack of working public water system, it wouldn't be a problem." - theundeadfairy

Kickin It Old School

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"Maps and a Compass. You won't have your phone or gps anymore and might need to move."

"Receivers will die because of a lack of batteries. But I think that in rougher conditions, even with batteries, a lot of electronic devices will brake down due to the rougher working environment and lack of maintenance."

"I was curious now how long the satellites would remain working and surprised about the results. If you think they would stay up forever, you might want to brace."

"I just googled "satellite lifespan". I did not really find a definitive answer, but in general, they will stop working faster than i expected."

"Plus streets might be dangerous and signs might get removed for resources." - ir_blues

"I live by some mountains and probably 100 miles of forest past em. I been wondering if they usually make maps for logging roads" - Ninjabonez86

Wait WHAT!?

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"Fuel."

"People always jumping into cars and then getting stranded in the middle of nowhere with too many supplies to carry, and no plan whatsoever." - Allst6r

"An often ignored, and infuriating bit, is vehicle fuel has a relatively short shelf life. Regular gasoline has a shelf life of three to six months, while diesel can last up to a year before it begins to degrade."

"Without functioning refineries, just about every gasoline powered machine becomes near worthless within months." - StephanXX

Maintenance

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"Gun maintenance stuff. Everyone always says they will get guns, whether they know how to use them or not."

"This is fine, until you drop it or f*ck it up somehow, then you're stuck with a heavy paperweight. Don't have a gun if you don't know how to do basic maintenance on the gun."

"You can have a gun during the apocalypse IF you know how to maintain it, use it, and make handloads for ammo or find it, which shouldn't be an issue unless you pick a hard to find caliber such as .30 Nosler, you can find it, but not at every gun store."

"Making your own ammo is super unsafe if you don't know how. For shotgun ammo I've got a big press that you work the shell through and pull a lever to do all of the tasks: remove spent primer, seat new primer, drop powder, drop wad and shot, them crimp the shell."

"I can make a box of 25 in about 10 minutes, look up "MEC single-stage shotshell loader". You can also do this by hand but it'll take longer."

"For rifles you do it way more carefully, using a different press, you basically remove the old primer, replace it, measure and drop powder, then use a press to seat the round."

"But like I said, I almost exclusively use a very common round, .308, which can be found at pretty much every gun store in North America, so reloads aren't really necessary." - ShredderDent

Open

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"I'm not seeing Can Opener anywhere."

"Sure there are many ways to open a can, but most are noisy."

"Canned food also keeps for a very long time, having a can opener on hand could make life much much easier for you, and its not something many average peeps think about during the whole "what if zombies happened tomorrow" chats." - DuckXu

You Need You

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"Yourself."

"If you panic, you die. If you take stupid risks, you die."

"That's an unfortunate reality of sh*t hitting the fan -- once society breaks down nobody will come to save you from yourself. So any lapse in judgement is going to be a big problem."

"You getting into a fight isn't going to end well, because the guy might have friends or weapons. So if you can't check your ego, you won't last long."

"Likewise your health. You won't last long in an apocalypse if you're obese and wheeze going up stairs. After things go bad, all that stuff that used to be done by machines will be done by human muscle."

"If you need something, you make or grow it. If you need to be somewhere, you walk or maybe bike." - maiqthetrue

Shoes Matter

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"Having cheap flip-flops is gonna destroy your feet, so get a good, durable pair of boots and an absolute metric ton of socks." - villanuevac4

"Knowledge to make your own shoes"

"I wrote an article for backwoods home magazine a few years ago about simple Celtic leather boots and shoes that I made based off ones found in bogs. Like European mocassins" - bogtrotterso1980

Sooo... Happy Hunger Games, I guess?

This sounds complicated and depressing.

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