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People Break Down Which Common Cooking Tips Are Actually Completely Wrong

People Break Down Which Common Cooking Tips Are Actually Completely Wrong
Becca Tapert/Unsplash

As an experienced cook and someone who is passionate in the kitchen, I'm gonna need every single one of you to stop lying about this whole "no such thing as too much garlic" thing.

There absolutely *is* a such thing as too much garlic, especially if it's improperly timed and bitter, chewy, etc...

Especially, especially if the recipe is ice cream.

Garlic ice cream should not be a thing, but it is.

ANY garlic is too much garlic for an ice cream recipe, in my opinion.

Reddit user ThatSpyGuy asked

"What commonly repeated cooking tip is just completely wrong?"

I love garlic. It's my go-to seasoning. But y'all can't tell me I'm wrong about this garlic ice cream thing.

Too much garlic is real and I'm gonna need everyone who makes garlic ice cream to please stop.

Here are some of the food myths that Reddit stresses itself out about.

Golden Brown

"Cookies: 'bake until golden brown' "

"Your cookies will be overdone if you do that. The cookie sheet will stay hot after it leaves the oven and keep baking the cookies for a minute or so."

"If you want soft cookies, it's better to take them out when only the edges look golden brown and let them keep cooking outside of the oven."

- Celestaria

"I used to bake my cookies until they were golden brown, and the bottoms would always end up burnt."

"I started removing the cookies from the oven when the edges begin to turn golden brown, and they usually come out perfect most times."

- Gunner_4224


High Heat

"Myth: high heat is like fast-forward for cooking. It is not. Still working to get my dad to understand this one."

- EatLard

"Mine is opposite. Every time I use high heat to sear he thinks I'm about to burn the house down. Same goes for entrapped water/moisture that makes a lot of sizzling noises when it comes into contact with a hot pan."

"The noise makes him freak out a bit, even though I know exactly what I'm doing."

"Bonus points when he complains about lack of crispiness of his food after demanding do turn down the heat."

- LoopyPro

"If I'm supposed to bake something at 150°C for 20 min, I can also bake it at 600°C for 5 min. That's just basic math."

"I'm being sarcastic, please don't try this."

- Berserker-Hamster

Onion & Garlic

"Starting to saute onion and garlic at the same time. So many recipes treat onion and garlic like they're conjoined twins and you should just do everything together with them."

"Onion takes a lot longer to cook and adding the garlic too early can burn it which can ruin the entire flavour of the dish. So many recipes tell you to do this and I just don't get it!"

- hbwd

"Yes! Just figured this out."

"It’s odd because I’d learned early on, add the veggies that take the longest to cook to the pan first - but because I’d been ingrained to cook garlic and onion at the same time for so long, I didn’t even think how garlic takes like 30 seconds to cook whereas onion takes on the order of minutes to cook."

- kgriff112


"Adding oil to your pasta water to prevent it from clumping."

"Oil floats in water - as in it's above the pasta and doing exactly nothing."

"Just stir it."

- dancingbanana123

"BIG pot of water is what will prevent clumping the best, with mild stirring to separate everything initially. The roiling motion of the water will then keep the pasta from clumping as long as the pasta has the space to move."

- GreenLurka

"On top of that, you get oil on the noodles as you drain them, which will reduce any sauces ability to stick to your pasta."

- EndoShota

" 'May your marinara sauce never stick to your pasta!' - Sophia, Golden Girls"

- LadyBug_0570


Spreading Salmonella

"Rinsing off chicken."

"I know you don't want to get salmonella, but rinsing off chicken just spreads it. Cooking it solves the problem automatically."

- CreepyAssociation173

"I think this is more commonplace where/when the meat wasn't cleaned prior to sale. If your meat has feathers, dirt or rocks on it, you would need to wash it."

"But commercially produced meat is clean (in this way, at least) so the fewer surfaces your raw meat touches the better!"

- mcoon2837

"The first time I heard someone doing this, I thought they were insane. I’ve seen people use bleach to do this…"

"Ensuring your chicken reaches 165F is going to clean it of all dangerous bacteria. Washing it is going to do absolutely nothing but spread bacteria around and poison people if you're using bleach to do it."

- P0ster_Nutbag

Grated Butter

"When making pie crust: rubbing the butter into the flour or using a fork/knife/pasty blender to achieve 'pea-sized' crumbles."

"Pretty much every recipe will describe it this way, but the expanding water from the butter drives that beautiful flakiness. This method isn't the best way to get it."

"Instead, get a cheese grater with moderately large holes. Use very cold butter, and handle the butter lightly so that it doesn't melt into your hands."

"Grate it and toss it into the flour about 1/3 of the butter at a time, tossing it to coat it with flour. Then make your dough."

"It will be light and flaky and heading in the direction of puff pastry. Also works great for biscuits."

"Seriously, I use the same dough recipe I always used and the results are just staggeringly better because of this technique."

- Terpsichorean_Wombat

Oven Pizza

"I have spent years, years I tell you trying to perfect home-made pizza."

"Most recipes I've seen so far say 'bake at 350 degrees F' which is utter nonsense."

"Pizza ovens bake the pizza at around 800 to 900 F. So I finally found out I could get a decent result at home by putting the oven on the highest temp - 500F, and put the pizza on the oven's lowest rack (my broiler is located in the bottom.)"

"Then when the bottom crust is done I put the pizza in the broiler rack below and cook it about 3 mins to get the top done."

- mistmanners


Microwaved Nutrients

" 'Microwaving food will destroy nutrient molecules' ”

"Microwaves are far too long-waved to cause any molecular changes. All they do is make molecules vibrate faster. They don’t directly break up molecules."

"To actually split chemical bonds you need much shorter wavelengths. UV light at least. It is true that Microwaves can INDIRECTLY cause chemical reactions because they will increase the temperature of the food. But that is no different to any other heat source."

"Likely, microwaves preserve nutrients BETTER than boiling/steaming because the heat is delivered faster and the food spends less time in a high temperature state."

- antistitute


" 'Salt your pasta water always.' "

"Sometimes, the sauce is plenty salty and no need to add even more salt to the food."

"It's ok to salt pasta water if your sauce (or lack of sauce) doesn't add sodium. But tomato sauce has so much sodium as is, lightly salt the water at best."

"Your Pepe e cacio or Pasta a olio, sure salt away... But not tomato sauce dishes."

"And definitely never your water 'as salty as the ocean.' How the f*ck people eat that much salt is beyond me. At this point, don't make pasta, just eat salt."

- GuardianOfTriangles

Grill Marks

"Grill marks."

"Watch just about any cooking show, they go on and on about turning the meat exactly 90 degrees, once only per side to get that lattice pattern."

"Yes, it looks pretty. But the grill marks are flavor because of the maillard reaction. More marks = more flavor. Why are you trying to minimize the flavor just to get perfect stripes?"

"I get we eat with our eyes to an extent, but I'd much rather have haphazard and excessive grill marks vs the 'perfect' look."

"Think about it - we cook steaks in cast iron pans to get the entire outside sizzling and crispy and flavorful. Would you want them to put chopsticks or something under most of the steak so only tiny strips get turned dark brown?"

"I know this is more unpopular opinion than 'completely wrong,' but I stand by it. Grill marks are flavor, and more flavor is almost always good. 'Perfect' grill marks just make me sad for missed flavor."

- jtclimb


No Need To Oil up

"Coating your protein with olive oil before you season it. Most seasonings will not become soluble in oil. So you are basically adding a barrier between the meat and the seasoning. Blocking the flavors from the meat. Grilling done properly requires no extra oil."

"Pan searing a steak might benefit from a bit of oil or butter added to the pan if you don't have enough fat layer on the meat to render off some of that right at the beginning."

"Add seasoning of your choice in liberal amounts to a steak at least 6 hrs prior to cooking to give the flavors time to permeate the meat. Adding seasoning a hour or less before cooking won't do much to add flavor and most of it burns away during grilling."

- slowbike

Propper Rice Etiquette

"Add rice to the boiling water... No, no, no, no .. it's a bad way to cook rice."

"For the past 30 years I have been cooking rice like this: Put the desired amount of rice in the pot. Rinse them thoroughly with cold water to remove as much 'rice dust' as possible."

"Then add cold water toothed rice, so they are covered by approximately 2,5cm/ 1 inch of cold water."

"Add salt and put on a lid. Put the pot on the stove at medium heat. Let it come to a boil while stirring every now and then."

"When all the water has been sacked up by the rice, turn of the heat and let the pot sit for 10 minutes with the lid on."

"It only takes 20 minutes to cook rice this way instead of 25-30 minutes, and they come out perfectly cooked every single time!!"

"Oh yeah... bad tip nr. 2 I've learned to no longer follow... 'make the sauce/ gravy' as the very last part of the meal."

"No, no, no, no .... for the past 4 years I've learned to ALWAYS start cooking the whole meal with the onions and other veggies or herbs for the sauce/ gravy. It takes a long time to get that deep flavor to bind everything together, and a good sauce can lift a meal from 'plain everyday quick meal' to 'restaurant quality home cooking'."

- Tuznelda75

Chinese Food Rice GIF by Nigel Ng (Uncle Roger)Giphy

Alcohol Stays

" 'Any alcohol you cook with will go away during the cooking'. The only way the alcohol content leaves your dish is if it's burned up (like in flambe)."


"If you are cooking at a high enough temperature, long enough, alcohol will boil/steam out of the dish; just like if you were to reduce a sauce(basically boil the water out). Alcohol has a lower boiling point than water therefore many dishes will be hot enough to lose at least some of the alcohol content put into the dish."

- YetiThyme

"I know but it depends on the alcohol, cooking type and time, etc. But I was always hearing 'if you cook it, the alcohol goes away' and they were not cooking long enough for that to be the case!"


"For sure, usually not the case."

- YetiThyme

No Peeling Necessary

"Not necessarily wrong but odd is peeling potatoes. Potato skins are actually very nutritious and filled with vitamins. A lot of potatoes actually taste much better with the skins on as well."

- Gringoboi17

"And carrots. I'm always slightly confused when people waste time peeling carrots. Like, it's effort that you just don't need to put in."

- NarrativeScorpion


Seeds Or No Seeds

"That chillies contain most of the heat in the seeds and you just remove the seeds if you don't like it that spicy."

"Completely wrong. Seeds don't contain most of the heat. I see semi-professional chefs parrot this.'

"Also the whole heaty/ cooly foods and that if you drink cold beer with "heaty" food, you might die. For example beer with durian."

- Ya-Dikobraz

Its Not Ikea

"Not a cooking tip perse but almost everyone I know uses the time stamps in recipes exactly. Now I know these are most of the time farely accurate but they are not like rules or something."

"I've always been taught that if you really don't know how long to cook that specific item use the recipes timestamp as a reference but judge it yourself."

"Cooking is not like a simple ikea clauset build with step by step instructions, they are guide lines. Use them as a reference but judge with your own sight and smell if something is done yes or no. Then and only then you will actually learn and be able to cook."

- BroodjeSpekMetKak

"Awesome advice."

- Foolishly_Sane

fail michelle buteau GIF by WNYC StudiosGiphy

Don't Just Watch

“ 'A watched pot never boils' - a damned lie. I stared at a pot like a hawk once in middle school, and though I was bored, it totally boiled eventually."

- High_Tops_Kitty

"I've had experience with that before and I believe it's just a psychological thing. Disclaimer I'm not a psychologist."

- Laser20145

"It's more an idiom than a truism, effectively meaning "leave it alone, you staring at it isn't going to make it happen faster". In reality, it's as you said, purely a psychological thing. Time will pass quicker when you're doing something active than it will just staring at a pot."

- Nomulite

The Chicken Will Tell You

"You need to grease the bbq grill. This is false and I see it all the time. Food like chicken will come loose from a hot grill when it’s ready to turn. You should never have to use anything more than a fork to bbq chicken."

- mikeyhol

"If yo chicken is stickin, ain't no time fo flippin"

- green-ember

hungry finger lickin good GIF by KFC IndiaGiphy

Milk Does Not Fluff

"- Milk does NOT make eggs fluffier.

"Use low heat instead. Keep in mind, the egg continues to cook after you turn off the stove, plate it, and serve it. Passive cooking can ruin a LOT of foods that require timing (which, in itself, is another tip)."

"I believe fluffy eggs is just eggs uncooked, barely cooked, or layers of both (this is an educated guess)."

- zengalan07

Alright Redditors, it's your turn to get in on this food fight.

What's a food myth you really need people to let go of?

See you in the comments!

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The Weirdest Animal Facts People Know

Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'

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Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.

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Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."


So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154


– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

catholic the exorcist GIFGiphy

Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

exercise push up GIFGiphy

Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy

At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy

Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

dating app GIFGiphy

If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.