Humans are dumb. I'm not being mean that is just simple, scientific fact. Sometimes we're just gonna act a foul. Or our brain is just going to malfunction. Don't panic. It is also perfectly normal to be a bit... scattered. Life is hard.
Redditor u/IMA_COW_IRL wanted everyone to fess up about all the times they've used a few more brain cells than they usually do by asking What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?It Burns....
scary movie burn GIF by Us
Giphy
I applied hair removal cream meant for women on my testicles. I can't tell you how much pain I was in. I was in the shower at a friends house and I couldn't even ask for help. Air caused a burning sensation. So I switched off everything and just lay in bed.
I also dumbly sprayed myself with pepper spray. But that's another story for another time.
Going Up?
At work we have glass elevators. Once, a guy was inside as I approached, so he was trying to press the button to open the door to hold the elevator for me.
He accidentally pressed the button to close the door instead.
I could see him inside panicking as the doors slowly closed, and as the elevator started to ascend he put his hand out to gesture an apology.
For some reason, the sight of him and his hand gesture slowly floating up in the elevator made me laugh so much.
Being a Kid
When i was about 8, i was walking out of school, i picked up some pink fairy floss (cotton candy) off the ground and put it in my mouth. It was insulation.
Hahaha. Reminds me when I was a kid around that age, my cousin and I were hitting each other and playing around in insulation lying around when construction was being done on his house.
We learned the hard way that day.
Holed Up
kate mckinnon put some pants on GIF by Saturday Night Live
Giphy
I've shared this before on similar threads but I can't get over how dumb it was.
I turned my pants inside out after noticing they had a hole in them, thinking the hole would be on the inside that way.
The Worst Part
I tried free climbing down a 20 ft rock wall towards the top of a mountain on Oahu with no climbing experience. Ended up falling right off of it, but there wasn't much space to land. So, I took an 80 ft tumble down the side of this mountain before I slammed into brush strong enough to stop me.
Had to get airlifted off the mountain to a field where flight for life took me to the hospital with a broken wrist, broken humerus, shattered elbow, ruptured diaphragm, broken ribs, and a laceration on my spleen. I got lucky it wasn't my legs or head or neck.
Worst part is if I'd have been patient I could've taken the little trail down next to the rock face that I climbed.
NO!!
My sister once told her boyfriend she lost her phone, while on the phone with him, set down her phone, scoured the church for her phone, returned, picked up her phone and said, "I can't find my phone anywhere."
And yet that's not the worst my family has done.
My dad once stopped mowing the lawn to tell me to put the lawnmower (big red lawnmower with an 8 foot deck) onto the trailer so when he was done mowing the lawn we could tow it to the next location. It took a bit of explaining why I said, "No."
Don't Jump
In a wedding I was alone, probably 13yo, exploring the space which was filled with beautiful gardens, when I found a large space, it's ground looked wavy like a skateboard park except it was black, I figured it was plastic so I jumped on it.
It wasn't plastic.
It was a net covering a biga** water reservoir and I sank in it knees deep before I got right out. Went back to my parents and no one noticed my legs we're super wet before they finally dried out, and my crazya** story I never told anyone stayed buried in my memory... Thus far at least.
The Flash
batman dc GIF by Boss Logic
Giphy
I was looking for my phone lighting up the room with a flashlight on phone...
The Toot Maker
Decided to mask a fart with a cough during class one day at school. Coughed, fart came out a second late. It was a cheek slapper. Then immediately proceeded to blame the kid next to me. Everyone knew it was me, and I still cringe about that moment to this day.
Dive In
pool party GIF by Silicon Valley
Giphy
When I was younger my friend and I were messing around in my basement when we found some chemicals used in swimming pools and whatnot.
We started playing scientists and began mixing them all up in random ways and to this day I'm still surprised we didn't blow ourselves up or melt our faces off. Good times.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.