Weddings stand at the top of the mountain when it comes to silly human traditions we tend to assign great significance. A momentous day dedicated to the sole purpose of people gathering to celebrate the unity of two individuals can sometimes cause the most stressful breakdowns. "Bridezilla" isn't just a term that came out of nowhere. There's a harsh truth hidden in that label, of brides overreacting to the smallest thing which could potentially ruin their meticulously planned day. What happens, though, when that "small thing" ends up being something to truly worry about?
Reddit user, u/Mandy-, had a story to share about a conflict arising in her wedding plans:
Me [26 F] with my mother [49 F] who wants to wear white to my wedding
I JUST got engaged recently, and my mom is overjoyed. She is already planning, and talking about bridesmaids, etc. My fiance and I would really like a SMALL wedding, destination. She is respectful of those choices, and even encourages what I want, which is why this is so baffling for me.
She sent me pictures of a bunch of dresses she wants to wear to my wedding, and they're all white, ivory, or off-white. (I tried to attach a link previously to show ya'll, but it's against the rules to post links) I don't mean to be a bridezilla or anything, but I would really prefer it if she weren't to wear white.
How do I talk to her about this? She has a tendency to either blow up, or get passive aggressive (example, she was smoking on our deck the other day, and I asked her to put her ashes in a spare planter with dirt in it instead of flicking them all over our deck, and she made snippy remarks for the rest of the visit and left early). I tried saying to her I was thinking blue and silver for our colours and I was hoping our families could coordinate with us, and she said she didn't want to wear blue, and that she likes the dresses she sent me.
I haven't always had the best relationship with my mother, due to both of us having mental health issues that we deal with (anxiety and depression, for both of us, but she has been dealing well without medication for YEARS, meanwhile I just had a breakdown recently about work, which you could probably find in my post history if you want to understand better). But for the last 5 years our relationship has been stellar.
tl;dr: I'm scared to talk to my mom about the white dresses she wants to wear to my wedding, and wondering how I could go about this as tactfully as possible, since she is passive aggressive or blows up.
First Solution? Pass The Chore On To Someone Else.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it traditional for nobody except the bride to wear white at a wedding? Does your mom not know this? It seems like a deliberate slap in the face to you. Maybe she doesn't realize that. Someone (not you) should maybe drop a hint to her about that.
Stand Your Ground
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You're going to have to be really firm about this. "Mom, the only person who wears white at a wedding is the bride. Please find another dress." And then if she starts making a fuss, exit the conversation. Don't get drawn in to arguing, don't defend yourself; your position is unassailable. You are absolutely right, and she is absolutely wrong. If she sends you another white dress photo, say "What other colors does it come in?"
Ask Her What Other People Might Think
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I'm not sure if this will work if her motives are about hurting you or showing you up, but you might try the whole "people at the wedding will think poorly of her if she goes through with this." Seriously, I worked at a wedding where this happened, and EVERYONE was giving the non-bride white dress wearing lady serious side-eye the entire night. There are a million and one wedding advice websites that explains this faux pas in detail, so you might just forward her a link to one of those.
One other thing to consider, is perhaps because it is going to be a super small destination wedding - maybe she thinks it's going to be more casual? I really have no idea what etiquette on these things are, but when you say small destination wedding I picture just your immediate family on the beach in flip flops. It's still your day and you can veto her dress, but just to give you an idea of where she might be coming from.
Either way, congrats on the engagement.
Frame It As An Anecdote
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You can frame it as being concerned about what others would say about her.
"I went to a friend's wedding where the mother wore white and all the guests could talk about was how trashy that was. I don't want you to be talked about that way."
It may be a total lie, but the threat to her reputation might just work.
Use The Power Of Computers
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I saw this posted over in r/weddingplanning for another person with the same problem: let her wear whatever she wants, other guests will see how tacky it is. Then use photoshop to change the dress color for your wedding album.
There's Not Even A Discussion To Be Had
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I never understood why people other than the bride get so set on wearing white too. She's just being an unnecessary drama queen. Tell her it's not an option or something to be further discussed, she ain't wearing white.
Lead Her To Her Own Answers
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I have a mom who can sometimes fly off the handle at 'disrespectful' tones or words. What I have found useful is to phrase it as a question. "Isn't the bride the only be who is supposed to wear white? Why do you want to wear white at my wedding?"
See if you can get her to realize how ridiculous she's being.
Remember Who's Wedding It Is
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You're going to have to have a backbone with her on this. I don't know that it's very taboo anymore to wear white to someone's wedding (I've seen it a lot recently), but the point is that it's your wedding and you get to set the rules.
Don't email her. Don't text her. I probably wouldn't even recommend calling her. Sit her down and tell her that you do like the dresses she sent you but you want to be the only one in that color on your day. Just stand firm and don't engage any further. Let her know that you would like to go with her to pick out a variety of dresses....make a day of it.
Just be firm and don't feel bad for her reaction. She is the only one in control of that.
Maybe It's All Okay?
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My mom wore white to my wedding. I didn't mind. It was a rather informal ceremony and she wasn't trying to be rude. She just found a white dressy suit that she felt flattering. She asked if I minded and I said no.
Here's what I totally didn't anticipate. It completely ruined most of my wedding pictures. :(
My dress was champagne colored. And because she's my mom, she wanted to be right near me in the group shots.
So for every picture that had more than a few people in it, there's a woman in white standing near the middle and a woman in champagne next to her. It completely looks like she's the bride and I'm the bridesmaid.
Perhaps you should let her know about this issue. I'm not mad at my mom, as neither one of us thought of this, but I hate that I cringe every time I see my wedding pictures.
If she insists and you let her come wearing white, make her stand way off to the side in any of the photos.
When All Else Fails, Set Her Up For Fail
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If your mom insists on wearing a white or similarly colored dress to your wedding, I say let her. What will happen is people will think she's a moron and probably think worse of her.
No one will take your day away from you, I promise. :) You'll be beautiful and everyone will be there to see you. Let your mom embarrass herself.
H/T: Reddit
The old wives' tales.
They are the stories of legend.
I think we all need a big DEEP Google dive though.
Where did they originate?
WHO ARE THE OLD WIVES!
You don't hear about them as much anymore.
It's like science and logic are suddenly a thing.
But they sure are a good way to keep your kids and their behavior in line.
Redditor the_spring_goddess wanted to discuss the tall tales we've all been fed through life, so they asked:
"What is an old wives tale that people still believe?"
"Wait an hour to swim after eating."
What a crock!
So many summer hours wasted.
I want revenge for that one.
Say Nothing
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"An undercover cop has to tell you he's a cop if you ask him."
LonelyMail5115
"Pretty much most advice when it comes to cops are old wives tales. I’m not even a cop but most of the advice you hear is pretty off."
I_AM_AN_A**HOLE_AMA
Say Something
"That you have to wait 24 hours to report someone missing."
Severe_Airport1426
"I really think this one is important and should be the top regardless. As it’s a piece of advice that needs to be relearned and the only way to do that is through awareness."
crappycurtains
"This used to be true. I think they changed it after some guy named Brandon went missing back in the '80s or '70s. You used to have to wait 24 hours if the missing person was an adult because they had 'a right to be missing' and then everyone realized that was stupid and stopped doing it."
AlbinoShavedGorilla
Body Temps
"That drinking ice cold water after eating oily foods will solidify the oil and permanently remain in your body. I informed my coworker that if your body temperature ever reached that point, you’d have bigger problems than weight gain."
chriseo22
"Oh, I have a cousin who 100% believed this. One of those guys who believed every early 2000s internet rumor and old wives tale. One night I chugged a big glass of ice water after dinner and he started freaking out and saying my guts were gonna harden."
"I sarcastically told him to drive me to the hospital if that happened. Obviously, nothing happened and the next morning I said something like 'Thanks for being on standby in case my guts filled with hardened oil.' He just walked off muttering under his breath."
apocalypticradish
Arms Down
"When I was pregnant, I was told by young and old alike that I should NOT raise my arms above my head or exert myself in such a manner because it could cause cord strangulation to my unborn sons and daughters."
Fatmouse84
10 Years Actually
Unimpressed Uh Huh GIF by Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Giphy
"Chewing gum stays in your stomach for 7 years."
"I remember accidentally swallowing a piece of gum when I was a kid in like 1995 and just accepting my fate like welp, gonna have this in my stomach til high school I guess."
Gecko-911
I was so afraid to sallow my gum when I was young.
This tale is haunting.
High/Low
Hungry Debra Messing GIF by Will & Grace
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"You can tell the sex of the baby by how you carry."
LeastFormal9366
"Pregnancy certainly wins awards for the most old wives tales. So much absolute BS was repeated to us by everyone we talked to."
IllIIIlIllIlIIlIllI
The Cursed
"If you’re a woman and you wear opal jewelry but opal is not your birthstone (October), you’ll never be able to have children, or will be widowed, or just generally have bad luck or something. You can counteract this by having a diamond in the same piece of jewelry as the opal, though."
"I have a nice opal ring that my parents gave me years ago, and I’ve had other women give me this 'advice' unprompted more than once when I’ve worn it. I have absolutely no idea where it started, but I’m pretty sure this little chunk of silicate rock has no concept of what month I was born in, let alone of how my reproductive organs work."
SmoreOfBabylon
Stay In
"Going outside with wet hair will make you get pneumonia. Or an earache. Or maybe arthritis. Depends on which old wife you listen to."
"Jokes on them - I haven't blow-dried my hair in decades and usually leave the house with wet hair in the morning. On winter mornings, the tips of my hair get frozen. No ear infections or pneumonia or arthritis yet."
worldbound0514
Dreams and Facts
"You never make anyone up in your dreams you've seen everyone in your dreams somewhere else before and never make anyone up entirely."
"How would you possibly prove that to be true? My partner adamantly believes this and tells me this 'fact' whenever I have a dream about someone I've never met before."
mattshonestreddit
"My late wife used to tell me that before she met me she would have dreams of standing at an alter on her wedding day but could never see the guy's face, no matter how hard she tried. After meeting me the face was filled in with mine. Don't know if it's true but one of those things I like thinking of every now and then when I miss her."
Darthdemented
Cracked
Getting Ready Episode 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"Some people still believe cracking knuckles causes arthritis."
Choice-Grapefruit-44
"There's a doctor (Donald Unger) that cracked his knuckles a couple of times a day for 60 years, but only on one hand, just to prove it. Both hands remained exactly the same."
MacyTmcterry
I love my knuckles.
Do you have any tall tales to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
