Here comes the bride....
Weddings are truly epicenters of drama. They're high stakes, and they involve the feelings of more than just the bride and groom spinning round and round at a solid 10. And out of the high stakes and the anxiety comes some crazy stories.
u/satori1997 wanted to hear from Reddit's experiences at weddings: What's the craziest thing you've witnessed at a wedding?
Buckle up cause here comes the freakin' bride.
The bride delivered beautiful, heartfelt serious vows during the ceremony and when it came time for the groom to step up, he made a joke about how he can't wait to see her pregnant and fighting off zombies. It was mortifying and you could see the disappointment on her face.
I didn't actually see it, but when we arrived at the reception, after taking photos, there was an ambulance parked outside. My new wife and I were worried that something might have happened to an older relative.
Apparently our wedding coordinator (it was at a golf course) was epileptic, and had had a seizure. As it began, she turned to my father-in-law, said "I need help," and then collapsed.
They called for an ambulance, and while they were wheeling her out, she kept apologizing over and over, and even emailed us about it after. We were just glad she was alright.
Raised By Narcissists
My parents threw a competing after-wedding brunch to my own---and didn't tell me or my wife. No one from my side came to ours because they assumed that plans had changed. My mother stole them all away with her dirty trick.
I found out about the plot when my aunt kissed me goodbye at the end of my wedding and said she'd see me tomorrow, at the hotel. The actual brunch was at my in-laws house.
When I confronted my parents about it, they said I should thank them for spending the money---and I should have been there.
I think this all happened because my parents are jealous of my in-laws, who are successful, well off, generous, and loving.
My cousin's wedding about 25 years ago. It was in a Catholic church so the wedding was pretty long by definition.
At the same time as my cousin's wedding, there was a reception going on for another wedding, in the basement of the same church -- complete with DJ'ed music, which was filtering upstairs all throughout "our" service.
Literally, the exact moment that the Priest said "You may kiss the bride", the DJ downstairs started playing "Roll Out the Barrel."
Everybody cracked up -- except the bride's mother, who quit her membership in the church the next day. Extra drama points: the Priest was the bride's uncle.
Thanks, Uncle Lou
Couple opened their wedding gifts at the reception and we all had to watch like it was a f-cking birthday party for a toddler. There were lots of gift comments that would have been better in private.
"Oh wow, a toilet brush? Uhh...thanks, Uncle Lou..." -eye roll and chuckle-
My aunt decided to break her 23 year no drinking streak and have two glasses of red wine. Approaches my cousin and his wife (she did NOT like this girl), and informs them that their son looks nothing like my cousin and she just knows she slept with another man. While the room was quiet.
The Worst News
Family of the bride got a notification during the ceremony that the child of a relative who couldn't attend was hit by a car and killed earlier in the day.
Tears of joy instantly turned to tears of grief. Everyone on the bride's side was just sobbing and everything, and the wedding was called off right then and there.
The bride and groom still haven't gotten married yet, almost 9 months later (they are still together, though), because the bride was really close to this child and was already upset that he and his mom couldn't come.
The wedding was at a soup kitchen the couple sometimes volunteered at, presumably to remind us how selfless they are. Hundreds of homeless people were gathered outside and if the couple had said "hey, dress casual because if you're coming to our wedding you'll be helping serve the homeless" I would have been all for it - instead we stood there in nice clothes eating food while all the homeless people watched through the fence. Extremely awkward, totally classless. The homeless were essentially used as props. Also I had not really understood where this was or expected to run the homeless gauntlet to get in so I didn't prepare my kids who were traumatized and kept asking if we were going to lose our house. On the plus side, we got to attend a wedding in a dirty parking lot.
Stood up in a wedding recently where all the guys were standing at the altar and the bridesmaids came up the aisle to music...the whole thing was going smoothly. Then the doors shut and everyone turned to wait for them to open for the bride to walk in.
Except we waited, and waited. The usher (brother of the bride) poked his head out, left, came back and motioned for his mother to come back immediately.
She left, we waited more, usher called for one of the groomsmen (other brother) to come back there. He left, we waited.
Turns out the father of the bride had a massive kidney stone that must have started passing right when he was supposed to walk his daughter down the aisle.
The bride was a mess, the father was screaming in agony, the organ just kept playing music softly. Eventually we found out what was happening so everyone kind of relaxed that it wasn't the bride running away.
Mother of the groom showed up in a white formal gown complete with a mini veil on a fascinator, sobbed loudly throughout the ceremony, and then tried to cut in every time the bride and groom danced.
Two California Kingsnakes slithered through the venue at my wedding. That was not planned.
Ignore The Children
I saw a fight between two of the bride's uncles where one of them picked the other up and slammed him through a glass table in the lobby. Police and ambulance were called. The bride came walking out of the main room and I grabbed her, told her to go back in and ignore everything, and she was just like, "Ok, not gonna let whatever happened ruin my night." Wedding continued like nothing happened.
Cake Cake Cake Cake
Only horrible for one person. The main hostess for the reception of about 30 guests. She carried in the 3-tier wedding cake, rather than using a cart. She not only dropped it, but fell face first into it on the floor. First dead silence...then a few giggles....and then her emotional breakdown like I have never seen before. She was completely devastated from both the embarrassment and ruining that special moment. We all eventually assured her that we're half drunk and don't care about the cake. The best part was that she easily collected $1000 more in tips than she would have had that not happened.
Wedding Bell Rumble
One wedding I was at a few years ago was pretty big (maybe around 100-200 people) and it erupted into a gigantic brawl. Like at least half the people there were involved.
I don't know how it started, aside from a bunch of people being way too drunk, but it started outside where people were smoking. I was sitting at my table having a drink and noticed that the dance floor like fully cleared out. I walked over to the bar and noticed a bunch of people fighting right at the entrance. Eventually it spread inside to the front entry way and near the bar. I sat at the bar watching it all unfold and had a drink.
An older guy got pushed through a window and had a huge gash on his head, the groom got a tooth knocked out, a lot of people had blood stained shirts and like 10 cop cars and a few ambulances showed up. I don't know if anyone got arrested because I didn't stick around too long after. The bride just went to the bathroom and changed into normal clothes, seemed pretty distraught. I think they're still married..
I was a wedding DJ back in the day, so I've seen 'em all; but my all time favorite was at a VFW Hall in Wisconsin. The buffet was set up in the center of the dance floor, opposite the head table, with guests seated on either side and my set-up at the far end of the dance floor directly across from the head table. (Buffet was between us)
The caterers put sterno cans directly onto the paper table cloths covering the buffet...and the whole thing went up in flames about 10 minutes after their were lit. The Hall manager comes rushing out with a fire extinguisher, glances in one direction towards my thousands of dollars in equipment and in the other direction towards the head table...and proceeds to blast the buffet-flames, pointing the extinguisher right at the head table. Every dress, tux and hairstyle was ruined...to say nothing of all the food.
I Guess The Vows Were Good
The translator got too moved by the vows and broke down in tears.
The couple were Irish and Lithuanian, and the ceremony was conducted in Lithuanian, by a Lithuanian officiant, a translator had been provided to allow the English speaking guests to follow proceedings, but she was so overwhelmed by the occasion, she broke down in floods of joyful weeping.
We assumed she was a family member of the bride helping out, but apparently she was an official Lithuanian government translator with no prior connection to anyone or the occasion...
At a wedding reception one guy left his wife, and one lady left her boyfriend and the two of them left the reception together.
A friend of mine was a marine, so at his wedding he had invited a bunch of his old marine buddies. It was open bar, so everyone was drinking pretty heavily. The thing is, most of the marines showed up with their swords.
There was sword-fighting on the dance floor. It was amazing.
An ex of the groom showed up, took over the mic and said, 'Here's to your small ** and a lifetime of disappointing sex.'
Making Things Awkward
One of the bridesmaids was close friends with the groom. For the entire wedding, she was making comments on how he was getting his first wedding out of the way and that she would be his second wife.
She was also married, to the best man.
Other highlights include dragging the photographer away to give her a personal photoshoot (photos of her and the groom, and a handful of just her posing) and before the grand entrance for the reception, sitting on the groom's lap and feeding him strawberries.
Both couples are still separately married.
Sometimes you just don't have any money and you have to make it work. I learned how to make the most out of bargains at the grocery store and know how to make food that is hearty and will last more than a day or two. Beans and rice are your friends, by the way. You'd be surprised by how many delicious meals you can make with just these two basic ingredients.
Being poor requires you to be creative.
Penny pinching is an art, as we were so deftly reminded after Redditor naranja_cheese asked the online community,
"What is the most penny pinching you've ever done?"
"I used to steal..."
"I used to steal half-used rolls of tp when I was a janitor. Lived off white rice and Worcestershire sauce for months. Got a job as a cook & always saved a few scraps while plating people's food so I would have something to eat without paying for a meal. Also worked at a butcher shop& would take home bones to roast and make a stew with. I can share hundreds of things like this."
"I worked part-time..."
"I worked part-time in school, but was pretty broke. I wasn't being paid until the following day, and I needed soy sauce for my extra super tasty stir fry. I literally had negative funds in my account. So I went to the grocery store, grabbed a sushi tray, threw a ton of packets of soy sauce in my pocket (they don't charge you for these), wandered a bit, pretended I changed my mind, and left."
"While at the grocery store..."
"While at the grocery store, putting back that pack of chicken breast that cost $2.98 for the other pack of chicken breast that cost $2.95."
"Things were insanely tight..."
"Used to make my own laundry detergent during a time when we had relocated and our prior home had not sold so we had rent on top of a mortgage for 18 months. Things were insanely tight in those days, to say the least."
I definitely know what this is like.
"I took some cedar boards..."
"I had no money for Christmas gifts. I only had enough to pay rent. I took some cedar boards in the backyard, cut them, burnt them a little black as I had no money to finish them. Then I passed them off as cutting boards."
"One Friday night..."
"One Friday night in college, my two buddies and I had a grand total of $3 to our names. I bought a box of Mac 'n Cheese, a can(!) of escargot, and three Lil' Debbie Star Crunches. We had a full meal with starch, protein, and dessert."
"I lived on pasta..."
"When I was at university my entire budget was less than £40 a week. I lived on pasta and stolen sauce packets from the Students Union. The cafeteria ladies would always take pity on me at closing time and give me free burgers."
"I lost my job..."
"I lost my job and lived in a $1400/month apartment where electricity (which included heat) and internet were ludicrously expensive. $400-450 a month in the winter because the building was an old mill with huge windows and no insulation. Fortunately, gas and water were free."
"I only turned on my lights when I had to, turned off the heat entirely, and heated my apartment by boiling a huge pot of water on the gas stove 24 hours a day and going to the business center to use the free DSL connection to apply for jobs. I ate rice with frozen vegetables and spices for three months."
"It sucked, but I got by."
Hopefully things are much better now.
"If I ate fast food..."
"If I ate fast food or takeout food, I would ask for extra sauce packets or garnishes that they give out for free. I would stock up on them, use them when I cook instead of buying the stuff from the store. For example, a $1 box of pasta, a clove of garlic, and 2-3 ramekins of parm cheese, half ramekin of chili flakes, and a pinch of Italian herbs I got from a pizza place makes a quick meal."
"My local mall..."
"My local mall used to do paid surveys, you'd watch a video or try some new soda or whatever and they'd give you a couple of dollars. Then I'd use that to buy a meal."
Sometimes you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. It's not easy.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments below!
Now, this isn't going to be a long, "Let's all pile on how bad the internet is and only think about the good ol' days when the rocks were soft and we could only communicate using cans with string."
People old enough to remember life pre-Internet, what are some less obvious things you miss about that time?
Many habits we used to possess were made completely irrelevant thanks to the internet. Not that we didn't enjoy doing them, we just started asking ourselves, "What's the point?"
Completely Devoid Of Technological Interference
"Leaving home and just being gone for the day. No cell phones. If there were cameras, it was really different. You used them to take pictures of things or had people take pictures of you. But there was no social media to preoccupy your mind. It was just doing something. And whoever you were with, was who you were with."
No One Needs 24 Hours Of Nonsense
"News only being on at 6pm. That was it. Now we have 6 hours of local news and 24 hours of cable news. Not being bombarded all day with "news." And when you saw "Breaking News" on the screen you knew something serious went down."
You Mean We Actually Have To Go?
"It used to be a lot harder to bail on things. You'd have to call the person at home and tell them yourself, or at least leave a message if you wanted to be risky. Typically if you were gonna bail you'd give at least 24 hours notice. Nowadays people can let you know they're bailing last second since you're always reachable."
"RSVPing mattered. If you said you were going to be there, you made sure to be there. None of this facebook invites that everyone blows off without any form of social repercussions. If you said you were going to go and didn't go, you were the a--hole and everyone knew it."
You can get almost anything on the internet. Almost. Still no sign of real working Lightsabers anywhere out there, but the internet has eliminated many of our purchasing practices.
Just In Time For The Holidays!
"The Sears catalog. That was how I found out about all the cool new toys."
"Catalogs in general, for me. Before the internet made mindless browsing of stuff you didn't need ~really~ easy to do, we still liked doing this without having to drive to the mall. The solution? Sign your mom up for those cool seed catalogs, those not safe to browse at the office gag gift catalogs and then everything in between. That stuff was really nice to have when you grew up somewhere that was not even cable ready."
1 Good Song Out Of 15
"When you bought new music you just had to hope it was good. The single might be popular but otherwise unless someone had it you just bought it and hoped for the best."
"There was so much excitement to going to a cd store to buy an album that you only knew one song of or the band/artist name and just listening to that entire cd over and over again picking out which tracks were your favorite while still learning every lyric to all the songs on the album.
Building a cd collection was also fun."
Talk About The "Immediate Gratification" Generation, Huh?
"The instant win bottle caps / candy / chocolate bar wrappers where you could turn them back into the store and immediately get a free one. Now it's just codes you have to register on their website so they can get your info, i don't even bother anymore."
Finally, there's these activities, to difficult to explain to anyone who wasn't there. How do you get someone to understand that not having a supercomputer in your pocket at all hours of the day radically changed your life?
Keeping It In Front Of You
"I miss having an attention span of more than three seconds"
"It's so weird. I can only vaguely remember what it feels like to not have a smartphone and to be alone and think.
Wondering what my friends are doing and if they'd like to do something on the weekend. We'd have to talk during lunch break at school and plan it...
Trying to find the answer to a math problem... Having to figure it out by re-reading the problem and explanations 5 times."
There Used To Be A Time When You Couldn't Play Everything
"Not being overwhelmed by choice.
Don't get me wrong, having nearly every form of media downloadable is great, but back in the day, i rented a video game and i played that video game as much as i could.
Now, its hard to give it more than 2 seconds before i try one of the 20,000 games i have access to.
New game plus used to be cool. Now, I'm happy if just beat the game"
Floundering. Just A Little.
"My formative years were the 1980s. I remember like yesterday going to study in Paris my junior year of college. I got off the plane with no cell phone, no internet, a Let's Go Paris book, and just a hostel address written on a piece of paper I'd stuck in a French dictionary. I did not know a single person in all of France.
I had $500 of cash stuck in a money belt. The belt was tight and sweaty but that money had to last me for at least a month until I could find a part-time job with my lousy French. My "credit card" was my father's credit card numbers written down on a piece of paper. He told me I could only use it to buy a plane ticket home in an emergency.
I remember standing in the airport and having this powerful emotion of being 21 years old, scared sh-tless, but in absolutely completely control of my own destiny. There was absolutely nobody who could come rushing to my aid if I needed it. I was 100% on my own.
I'm actually very thankful for that experience. I found the hostel. I found a job. I made friends. I learned French. I made it all on my own which was just a big boost in life confidence.
I have no doubt if I'd had a cell phone I would've called my parents on Day 2, told them it was too hard, and been on the next plane home. But I had no other choice but to succeed."
We can never go back. Not really, anyway. The only way is to keep going forward, be aware of the effect the internet has on us, and do our best to not let it take away the things that really matter in our lives.
Look, unless you enjoy cooking, no one likes spending time in the kitchen longer than they have to in order to whip up something mediocre to eat.
Ordering food or, for the time being, enjoying a socially distanced lunch at an establishment is convenient, but it can take a toll on your wallet.
So what options are there?
Fortunately, there are plenty of them that do not involve nuking a frozen entree.
"What's your go-to under 5 minute meal?"
These dinner selections are super sufficient.
A Loaded Course
"Two hotdogs and a side of judgement from my fiancé"
In Case You Didn't Know
"Quesadilla. super quick and easy to make and there's a ton of ingredients that you can add without much effort that will make it even better."
"Ramen and an egg, but not the traditional way."
- "Boil roughly half an inch of water (we want just enough water to boil the noodles, with very little water left over when it's done boiling)."
- "Smash up the ramen noodles, while still in the package (optional but cooks MUCH faster)."
- "Open the package and remove the seasoning."
- "Dump the noodles in."
- "While boiling, crack an egg and whisk in a small bowl."
- "Noodles should be done and almost all the water should be gone, if not strain out some.
- Remove from the heat."
- "Slowly pour in the egg while mixing very quickly, try not to let the egg touch the pan."
- "Mix as much of the seasoning packet as you like (I prefer 1/2 - 3/4 because I usually add a salty component at the end.)"
- "Add to bowl and top with some chives, thinly sliced, ripped up ham/salami and/or parsley. Leftover bacon or pancetta are fantastic crunchy components to dial up the texture."
"Easy, fast and checks so many of the 'munchie' boxes for me."
Don't Underestimate Soups
"Tomato soup and add tortellini. I like the spinach ones from Trader Joe's and Progreso creamy tomato with basil. It's bomb and it really makes a decent meal."
For people in a rush, these tasty snacks would suffice.
Goes Well With Veggies And Cheese
"Hummus is such an underrated food. It goes well with a lot of veggies and breads and chips or heck even cheese. All the time I hear hummus being listed as one of those weird, gross foods when its actually an amazing snack, or a meal if done correctly. It's not really unhealthy, either, especially if eaten with veggies (celery and carrots go great with hummus)."
Ready In Seconds
"All I do is get a paper towel, and put 5 Oreos on it."
"Then go back and get the whole package."
Peanut Butter Fantasies
"Peanut butter sandwich."
"If I'm feeling extra froggy I'll add nutella to the peanut butter and honey sandwich and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. Goes down about as well as a popeye's biscuit though."
"It's like cheating the system. You eat sweets and call it healthy."
Start your day without all the hassle of a fancy breakfast.
Put It In A Bowl
"Oatmeal or cereal."
"Cereal is definitely underrated as a meal outside of the breakfast dynamic."
"A very simple recipe my grandma prepared for me when i was a kid."
"It's basically scrambled eggs...but before adding the egg she would cook sweetcorn (from a can) with a little bit of butter, add the eggs and then when the eggs were almost ready, add small cubes of cheese and cook for a minute or until the cheese start to melt (she was using fontal, but any swiss or white cheddar will do). Just a little black pepper and salt."
"Takes 5 minutes to do but it's absolutely delicious, fill you up, not so unhealthy and I feel my late grandma with me."
'I tried variations with chives or spring onions, paprika or other stuff. Still good but nothing as good as a simple "uova strapazzate con mais e formaggio.'"
I consider yogurt a healthy snack/lunch option.
I like having a bowl of non-fat plain Greek yogurt with raspberries, blueberries, sprinkled with granola and drizzled with honey.
It's packed with nutrients and gives me a nice boost of energy.
Yogurt also makes for a perfect chip dip. I sprinkle some onion soup mix and stir in the mixture. Who knew quick and easy food prep could be so delicious?
We all like to assume that a big old scar has an amazing, hardcore story behind it: maybe a valiant fight or some life threatening-escape.
But despite what Hollywood would have us think, that is so rarely the case.
Usually, some kind of bizarre accident leaves us with the biggest scar of our life. There's no action movie story behind it, just a careful mixture of foolishness and bad luck.
Clearly not put off by some gruesome anecdotes, Redditor fluffybear45 asked:
"People with scars, how did you get them?"
For many, it was the wild antics of childhood that left them slightly maimed. With many years now separating the Redditor from the event, these were pretty hilarious.
Out of Nowhere!
"I was playing on a swing and then my leg got stuck in barbed wire." -- Soviet_God-Emperor
"I feel like we missed a couple steps here, or your local park had some serious issues." -- Henfrid
"Yo that went from 0 to 100 real fast" -- IHaveButt
"2nd grade, defective slip-n-slide." -- AdmiralAkbar1
"I'm pretty sure the general design of the slip'n'slide was defective. Those stakes weren't covered originally, so you had to be straight down the middle of the slide or else....." -- Q-burt
"Could you refer to this incident in a gravely voice while staring into the middle distance, pausing only to shudder and sip your scotch?" -- CaptValentine
That's Why You Need an Axe Yard
"My dad hit me with an axe (bladed side) in the face. Stupid 10 yo me just had to look over his shoulder while he was hammering in herrings for our tent."
Others talked about freak accidents that came not from the stupidity of childhood, but the bad luck of mistakes made as an adult.
Bad Conditions for Practice
"Dad gave me a folding knife for Christmas"
"I read online that you could flick it open with one hand"
"So I practiced it, after my hands were greasy from eating a burger"
Take Your Pick
"Multiple long scars on my back are from falling onto a old soviet steel welcome mat ( i dont know how to describe it in english but its meant to wipe dirt of your shoes with triangle shaped steel beams."
"Medium sized one on my forearm is from a barbed wire fence, another one next to it is from a motorcycle accident and one on the base on my thumb is from a cars hood slipping and cutting me."
One Heck Of a Fall
" 'This one is from a skateboard, this one was a truck accident, and this one was a fire hydrant.' "
" 'Oh really? I bet each one has a very unique story.' "
" 'Not really, I skateboarded off of a truck into a fire hydrant.' "
Last, some people talked about the medical procedures that left them with the big gash. These stories had some ninth grade words and not nearly as much stupidity.
"A rare auto immune disorder called pyoderma gangrenosum twice... Don't google If you don't like gore... I had to have daily wound care and high doses of medical steroids"
"My intestines telescoped on themselves 8" scar on my belly." -- Anom8675309
"I never wanted to see the words 'intestines' and 'telescoped' together. Ouch." -- LadySygerrik
"I was born 2 months premature. I wasn't born with an esophagus so drs. cut my stomach open and used parts of my colon or intestines and created a new one for me. I have a huge scar on my neck and my stomach is one big scar. Also had a stomach feeding tube for quite a bit and heart surgery at 2 days old."
"I love science. I wouldn't have experienced life if it hadn't been for advances in medical science."
So if you've been sitting on an embarrassing backstory for one of your scars, feel free to share. You're hardly alone.