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Lawyers Share The Worst Ways They Have Seen People Screw Each Other Over In Court

Courts of law were not made for friendly interactions, and being taken to court is awful. It's scary, taxing, and it's expensive.

You're basically playing a giant game where only one person really knows all the rules and depending which side of the table you're on, you're being forced to play defense.

And just like with all things in life, some court battles are worse than others. In some situations, one side attacks with all they've got and completely destroys the other side. Good luck to you if you ever land in that situation.


Wanting to find out more, Redditor thecptnswagg asked:

"Lawyers of Reddit, what's the worst way you've seen a person screw over someone else in court whether it be criminal, civil, or divorce proceedings?"

Here were some of the answers.

Trigger warnings: drugs, sexual assault, addiction, violence.

Non-Credible

"A witness for the plaintiff in a civil suit, who was a co-worker of the plaintiff testified very strongly against the company and in favor of the plaintiff. I questioned her about bias toward the plaintiff, if they knew each other well, were friends, etc. She said, no just friendly co-workers, "work friends" at best. I pinned her to it."

"When I got a chance to cross-examine the plaintiff, she had no choice but to burn her witnesses credibility, because no only were they very close friends, but they had become sisters in law just a few years before. (no, they did not have the same last name or anything, but I had done my homework).

"I still don't get why people want to fight small bias, by destroying their credibility, but ... it happens more than you'd think.""

andthenhesaidrectum

Law And Order

"I had this one moment that is my favorite to share so excuse me if it is floating around reddit already."

"I was litigating a custody dispute on behalf of the mother in an incredibly conservative jurisdiction. One of the most common ways to get custody was to allege sex or porn addiction because the threshold for it was basically non existent."

"For this hearing however, we lucked out with the judge, who I knew from other cases. Opposing counsel tried to "gotcha!" Me into settling before the hearing by showing me surprise sexts between mom and her new boyfriend. This is, of course, not law and order and you can't introduce surprise evidence. So we go through with the hearing, I object to the sexts, but say I would allow them to be ready into the record, in their entirety."


"So the uptight very conservative local attorney gets to spend the next twenty five minutes or so reading sexts in open court occasionally asking if she could gloss over parts but no, I didn't feel it would be appropriate. I'll never forget hearing her struggle with the word nipple. It's not even a dirty word!"

"But this was like the third hearing we had to amend custody because this guy felt his ex wife having a boyfriend meant she was a sex addict. They alleged the sexts happened while the kid was in Mom's custody. But they based that on the timestamp of the screenshots. The timestamp on the texts was clearly at a time when the kid was not even around and mom was safe to get freaky over the phone."

"The judge had heard enough of this and awarded attorneys fees and put in the order, consistent with the vexatious litigant statute, that if dad would continue to be liable for her attorneys fees if he kept pushing this."

"It was the only joy I got from practicing family law."

– Utahraptor1115

Things Of The Past

"Too many criminal client situations to count of them screwing themselves over. One of the very few family law cases I handled as a young attorney sticks out to me though."

"Young woman and Young man have Child. Young woman seeks divorce from young man because he enjoys the "thug life", he had recently been arrested and charged for possession w/ int to distribute meth (felony) and in possession of a firearm (unlawful carry). Young man doesn't like her leaving him. He hires a local big name top divorce atty (granted, very rural area). Gets temp divorce order entered saying she can not have overnight guests of the opposite sex (common in rural conservative areas, think it's mostly a thing of the past in more urban places)."


"Young woman starts seeing someone new. Young man is very upset about this. Has his fancy lawyer ask for a hearing accusing her of violating court order and seeking full custody, on top of atty fees. Young woman, on advice from a mutual friend, hires me for this hearing. I sit down with opposing counsel, and she basically tries to strong arm me w/ her experience and lays out egregious terms...mother must not only give up primary custody, but must have visitation with a supervisor and pay child support and atty fees. She knows I'm a new baby atty in town (fairly certain I had been licensed for less than a year). I balk and she says she'll see us in court."

"I go into hearing with a copy of his probation arrangement on his Possession w/ Intent to sell & unlawful carry. He hasn't told his atty about this, and she is unaware. She calls him up establishes how my client had her new bf over on x,y,z nights. Judge is VERY conservative, not pleased."


"Then, opposing counsel passes the witness. I ask him if he has a job. No. What do you do for money? Things here and there. Oh? Ms. opposing counsel is awfully expensive...Do you sell meth?","...What?", "Have you ever sold drugs to make ends meet?", "Uhhh no." Introduce a copy of his guilty plea and straight probation sentencing. Judge is now staring daggers at him. I lean over to my client sitting next to me, and whisper, "if you took a drug test today, be honest, would you be completely clean?" "Yes."

"I ask the Young man, "When was the last time you did meth", atty objects, but Judge overrules...I know this judge will drug test people on the spot as he is also the misdemeanor drug court judge. "It's been years, I'm clean.", "So, if you were tested, you'd be clean?" "Yes." Opposing counsel asks the same of my client, we agree. Judge has them both tested. He tests positive for meth. My client is clean."


"Judge denies his motion, and asks me to send in new temp orders where young man is required to maintain employment and start paying child support and places him on supervised visits."

"Icing on the cake, opposing counsel actually calls me and leaves me a voicemail congratulating me on, and I quote, "handing her behind to her for the first time in a long time."

– gr33nm4n

A Regular

"Not my case, but my dad's. He was the equivalent of a Public Defender decades ago. There was this guy that would get caught for being drunk in public, public lewdness, etc. EVERY weekend. He seemed to draw the same judges and was pretty well known to everyone in the courthouse as an absolute lost cause. One of the "regular" judges had him appear in his court again. The judge is ready to give him a prison sentence because he was driving a car this time, but the guy starts crying that he finally got a job out of town and was trying to turn his life around. Judge tells him as long as he never makes a mistake "in my town again" he would just drop the charges."

"Well sure as hell the guy shows up the following Monday. Same judge. Driving drunk AGAIN. My dad now has his case. The judge tells him he gave him his final chance, to which the guy sobs and replies "I was leaving town, your Honor. But my friends decided to throw me a going-away party." The judge was not amused. My dad had to do everything he could to not laugh."

– ZAWolfie

Remorse To The Ground

"This is my boss's story"

"They had a drunk-driver-kills-a-car-worth-of-people case at the time when they were a general practitioner. My boss was representing the family that got hit (one where the two kids and the wife had died, but the father had not) and wanted the college guy's drunk-driving skin to be mounted on a wall."

"This was back before Facebook was commonly used in Court proceedings and before tons of people realized that it is too great for any attorney worth their weight in salt to pass up."


"So, the kid (drunk driving college kid) had managed to get the judge's sympathy during the first part of the hearing by saying he was sorry, haunted, never going to drink again, this was going to ruin his life, etc. The judge seemed to really be eating it up."

"Then comes my boss and immediately burns this kid's remorse to the ground by showing numerous Facebook statuses and photos of them binge drinking, partying, and even joking about driving drunk from the date of the accident up until a night ago. The kid looked like he was being forced to swallow hot coals and the judge was absolutely livid."

"Needless to say, the kid had to do way more than just apologize and be remorseful after that."

– rivlet

Human Error

"Someone I knew had a pro deo case where she had to defend a person who had been charged with a criminal offense (don't know what, confidential and whatnot)."

"Even though the police and DA could pretty much pinpoint the crime to her client, there was no evidence to tie him to the crime, circumstancial at best."

"She had instructed him to shut up and let her do the talking during the trial, as from experience the client sometimes does not know how to answer a question properly. She pleads and can show that the court has nothing on her client, she feels that for once, a pro deo case is going her way."

"After her plea, the judge thanks her for her plea and turns to her client. He asks if the client had something to add to the plea. Client looks at her, back at the judge, tears well up in his eyes and he blurts out: "I'm so sorry, I'll never do it again!"

"She threw her notes and everything else she had in her hands at the client (now convict) apparently. She basically got screwed by her own client, who screwed himself even worse."

– ILoveLactateAcid

Taking Advantage

"I'm currently representing a sweet old lady on a case. I'll be sparse in the details in case anyone figures out who I am."

"Long story short, this lady's neighbour convinces her that her house is basically unsellable, that her house requires all sorts of repairs, the repairs to the house would bankrupt her, and that she should just sell the house. To him."

"He shows up at her house the next day with documents to sign. She has no idea what's going on. Doesn't read anything (actually has an eye condition) and signs everything."


"When she finally sees a lawyer to close the deal, he says wtf you can't do this. You see, the price of the transaction was about 36% of what the house is actually worth and there weren't any repairs that needed to be done that would justify the price. Not kidding, it was stuff like fixing a faucet in the bathroom."

"Also she didn't understand that she would have nowhere to live afterwards. Old lady thought she could just stay in the house until she died."

"To make matters worse, she's living off a modest pension and the other side is suing for the house. They're essentially trying to get her to cave because her legal fees are getting exorbitant."

"I hate people."

bloated-penguins

No Time Like No Time At All

"NAL but..."

"A friend kept meticulous records of how much time his estranged wife spent with their daughter. He used pink highlighter for Mom and blue highlighter for himself."

"Mom sailed into arbitration demanding full custody and handsome child support and the house. Dad pulled out three years's worth of year long calendars. Mom had spent less than a full month with the child in three years."

"Mom was not happy with the outcome."

Omars_daughter

Played Yourself

"A wife filed for a restraining order because she wanted the house during divorce. Husband has good job, like 200k per year. Employer finds out about restraining order, husband is fired. He was very specialized employee so only job he can find close to to house, ex-wife, and daughter is 50k."

"House gets foreclosed. Child support at less than $500 per month. Wife has to get job as waitress. Four cars get repossessed."

Thencewasit

My Three Fathers

"Not my story, it was my dad’s case. Back before genetic testing, paternity was determined by hearings with the testimony of the parties. He was representing a young man; his ex-girlfriend claimed she had conceived the child while camping with the client and his family over a holiday weekend. The nature of the case meant you had to question the parties about when they had sex and with whom, and my dad was modest guy so I knew he wasn’t crazy about it. The young lady was on the stand and had testified that she’d had sex with the young man, so he followed that up by asking if she had sex with anyone else that weekend. The young lady froze and burst into tears - turns out she had slept with the young man’s married father, much to everyone’s surprise. He let the young lady compose her self for a moment but figured he needed to go back to that well, so he asked if there was anyone else; the young lady sobbed harder and admitted she slept with his uncle too (I don’t remember if he was married)."

"At this point, the client wanted a recess. The three of them got together and the young man came back in and acknowledged paternity, and the three of them agreed to make certain the support was always paid. My dad said he had never won a case that turned out to be such a disaster."

Tezumak007

I Don't Know Her

"I represented a father in a custody case against his crazy ex-girlfriend. We get to the evidentiary hearing to modify custody and she makes all sorts of wild accusations unsupported by any evidence, says she's the world's greatest mother, starts crying on the stand, etc."

"Then I got a chance to cross-examine her and I ask her "what is XXX's favorite color?""

"Her: "I don't know.""

""what is XXX's first grade teacher's name?""

""I don't know""

""what sport is XXX playing right now?""

""baseball""

""Your honor, I would like to introduce exhibit C, a photo of the minor child XXX playing soccer, dated yesterday.""

"Etc., etc."

"Needless to say, we got full legal and physical custody. I'm still in touch with the guy periodically, and she still hasn't moved to modify. The right result was reached but I feel bad for the kids."

lexapro_bro

Deny It All

"My cousin is a lawyer and he told me a story of a drunk driving case he had. So the guy got into a bad car accident and the other accused him of being drunk so theyre was a suit against him."

"This is an Arabic country where all law is in Arabic, so he had a translator with him."

"Obviously, whether or not he was drunk, defending yourself against that especially with no burden of proof, the go to thing is to Deny deny deny. Which my cousin instructed his client to do"

"The judge asked his client/the defendant whether or not he was drunk. Now in Arabic the word for drunk is “Sakraan”, and “Suk’ar” means sugar but is also a word for diabetes"

"So after the judge asked him whether he was drunk, the translator turned to him and goes...”do you have diabetes”"

"And the client, being confused as he was says “No, not at all” in a genuine way"

"My lawyer held in his laughter especially cause his client technically did deny being drunk and I think he won the case too"

– Deleted User

Lie, Lie, Lie

​"On a rainy night, parents were in an accident which involved a death."

"What happened is that a motorcycle was trying to race or something, lost control and hit my father's car three times on the back as they couldn't stop because of the rain. After this they actually lost controll and the motorcycle falls/crashes. One of the guys that were on there was "projected" to the other side of the road and a car passes by and runs over him, causing his death."

"The guy driving had no license and was a minor at the time, and the motorcycle belonged to the deceased one, but they were family (cousins, I think)."

"The problem starts when at the time the policeman coming to take care of the accident was a friend of the family. As he goes to make my dad the alcohol test he turns the machine to him, and says something like "are you seeing the number here?" loudly, (which was trying to give the impression it was a lot, Idk) and my father replies at the same volume, "yes, zero.""

"My parents found the reconstitution strange, cause it was a mess. Some people didn't even came, etc."

"Later, as they prepare to go to court, the policeman on the case hands my father the sketch of the accident, where my father's car was pictured as being on the "continuous risk" (Idk your laws but here it is a "very severe infringement" which in an accident causing death, could even take the guilty to my father, as he could be the causer of the accident for doing that.)."

"My father looks at the sketch and asks the policeman what's his car doing there. The policeman says he accidentaly placed the stamp there, but he'll mention that on the court. My father says he won't sign the sketch. Policeman gets angry, my father still doesn't sign bla bla bla."

"At the court, the policeman goes over to the judge, shows the stetch and explains it, saying "this car was here, precisely on the continuous risk". As my father hears that he asks the judge to speak. He says to the judge "ask him why that paper is not signed by me" and than looks at the cop and asks "where was my car?" the policeman admits he made a mistake and the judge throws their pencil on the "table" and stares at the cop for 15 min straight."

"They stopped trying to blame my father, but they lied a lot about what they could, specially the mother of the rider, trying to blame other then they're son."

"As the judgement ends, and it gets decided pro truth, on member of the jury gets up and says he has something to say. He asks the rider's mom to get up, and gives her a lecure of about 45min straight of how he has never seen such lie in court etc. She was crying so much the floor around her started getting wet, but that did not stop him."

"(Sorry for my bad English)."

– luisa97m

Well, this was a quite a read.

Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.

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platypus
Michael Jerrard on Unsplash

People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.

Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.

One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.

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Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."

- CODMAN627

So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154

"FELLAS IS IT GAY?!"

– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

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Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

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Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

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At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

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Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

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If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.