For me, sex is important. There really is no debate about this when I'm participating in intimate relations.
If I'm in a relationship with someone I don't have sex with, then it kind of just feels like a friendship. Not that there is anything wrong with having sex or not having sex with friends.
Hey, intimacy means different things to different people. Sex doesn't define it.
It's not the most important issue in an intimate relationship, but for many, it's up there. Consensual sex is meant to be fun... at, least I've always thought so.
Sex in a relationship is also meant to be about connection. Maybe you connect in other ways, which is great.
But ask yourself, is everybody on the same page about how to connect in this department?
AHH... there in lies the rub.
Some need it more, some need it less, some are indifferent. One thing is clear; everybody needs to be talking about it. (Thank you Salt-N-Pepa!)
And it can feel really good, it's sort of one of the perks about being in love or lust.
Let's chat...
Redditor remco812 wanted to talk about sex baby, by asking:
"How important is sex for you in a relationship?"
My last relationship broke down after our sex abated. From daily to every few months is def a sign something is off. It maybe time for a sit down.
Work
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"Best metaphor I heard was that sex in a relationship is like plumbing. It's not the reason you buy a house, but if it's broke, you need to work on it right away." ~ MonkeyCube
Months go by...
"It honestly destroyed my last relationship, we lived together and only had sex once ever 2-3 months, we started to bicker at one another, i started to resent her and feel self conscious about myself and we ultimately broke up not soon after. Sucks because i deeply loved that girl, but the lack of physical intimacy made her feel like a roommate after a while." ~ hoodie-weather
things to overcome...
"A large difference in libido can be a hard thing for a relationship to overcome." ~ Ishamoridin
"This! Healthy communication is your best friend here. My wife has always had a sex drive much much higher than mine. In our younger years it wasn't a problem. As we've gotten older, my mind is always willing but sometimes the body just won't play ball. I assure her it's not her."
"I still find her to be the most beautiful woman on the planet and my desire for her hasn't lessened. On the days my body doesn't wanna play we break out some helpful aids. At the end of the day it's up to you and your partner to figure these things out and come up with solutions that work best for you both." ~ rwubmc
All the time...
"It's not that sex is important, it's that having the same sex drive is. If both want to have sex all the time, that's great. If neither want to have sex much at all, that's great. If one wants to have a lot of sex but the other doesn't, that's gonna cause problems. It doesn't ALWAYS cause problems, but a vast majority of the time it will." ~ Srgt_PEANUT
Yummy
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"To me sex in a relationship is like food. Can't live without it. Can't have too much of it. Can cook for myself but not all the time. Can live with not-so-good ones but I'd appreciate it if it's good." ~ lan0028456
Food and sex, both necessary. It's good we're talking about sex. It's something too many people are too shy to discuss. The more you know...
Dead
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"Very important. It doesn't have to be constant, and it doesn't have to be amazing, but the connection has to be there. I couldn't deal with a Dead Bedroom." ~ user deleted
Let's Cuddle
"I'm in a relationship where I (28f) have a higher drive than my boyfriend (28m), and he's pretty good at making sure I know it's not me its just that he's tired sometimes, and most of the time he'll help me scratch my itch or he'll straight up be like "I'm pretty tired but you can hop on!'"
"Lmao communication is the biggest factor in a healthy sex life. Sometimes I'm satisfied just from cuddling up together even though we're not huge regular cuddlers because it's not always the O that I'm looking for, it's the intimacy and affection." ~ klr8593
downsizing...
"It's pretty important, but our schedule and appetite for it changes frequently. Sometimes we are all over each sometimes we aren't, after several years together we've come to realize it's a changing variable and to not get too bent out of shape if we're on a downswing. Communication about sex is probably the most important part actually." ~ littlelightshow
People Explain Activities They've Added To Their Post-Pandemic Bucket List | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
While we've all been cooped up for the better part of two years, many of us have been dreaming up exciting plans for the future. Maybe it's finally time to s...What's Important?
"It depends on the relationship. I was married to my wife for 20 years. After 18 she got sick. So for the last two years of her life she was unable to have sex and I was perfectly fine with that. I was more worried about trying to get her healthy. If she had lived for another 10 years and was unable to have sex I wouldn't of cared one bit. She was more important to me than that. The companionship and love we shared overpowered anything else." ~ StraightSho
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A Quick Favor
"I've been in a relationship where sex happened only 'to do me a favor,' 'because I needed it,' while 'she didn't have a desire to do so.' I'd much rather have sex once every three months with someone who desires me, who wants me, who wants to be close to me rather than sex every day with someone who does it do me a favor." ~ letthisbeanewstart
Priorities....
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"Sex in a relationship is like the toilet in your house. It's not the defining feature of your house and it's not the reason you bought your house. It's not something you really think about all that often as long as everything is going as expected, but if it's broken, it is THE most important thing."
"And you can't look past it or prioritize anything else until it's fixed. If both sides are happy then it doesn't matter what your sex life looks like. If something isn't going well, it's going to be an increasingly large elephant in the room until it's fixed." ~ Badloss
I'm pleased...
"It's a fun and adventurous thing in my current relationship. I've never dated someone I felt this comfortable with to explore new things and just enjoy it. Laughing during it is new to me and even though I don't see him often, when I do, intimacy is vital and just fun. I'm pleased." ~ Scareyourfamily
Seconds
"in the beginning it ranked second in importance, now after a few years its close to the bottom. its nice to have but i am also satisfied in every other aspect in the relationship so well i do not find myself missing it. it is just a dessert to a fine a** 4 course dinner." ~ Accomplished_Pause39
For Me
"For me, personally, vital. But that's cause I have a VERY high sex drive and value the physical and emotional of it all, that sex brings extremely highly for me. For other people? It varies. It's not important to have sex/not have sex in a relationship. It IS important that you and your partner's sex drive is roughly equivalent."
"It is beyond important. Take it from someone who was in a relationship where his sex drive did not match his partners for way too long. It only breeds resentment and anger and hurt for both parties." ~ DragonDai
just isn't there anymore...
"It's vital in the first decade or so. But I've been with my partner for 20 years and while I'm madly in love with him, that crazy full-on monkey sex we had in those first years, just isn't there anymore. But it feels natural, weirdly. We still hook up, sure. However, the physical intimacy - kissing, hugging, holding hands, lolling around in bed - as well as the intense companionship is the substance of our connection these days." ~ Jaybetav2
Value
"Very important. And top of it, the quality of sex. If we can have great sex, it means we are happy around each other, we communicate in an assertive way, we are fond of each other, there are commitments about having responsible sex, we value our time together, we can share our vulnerability and have true intimacy. Great sex is beyond the physical part. Is emotionally, mentally satisfying." ~ JCVP79
All the Reasons
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"Friendship. Sex. Commitment. Love. I believe you need all four for a fantastic relationship. I've not found a further minimal set. People get divorced even though they love their partner (cheating/lack of commitment)." ~ tim125
reconnection
"Me and my wife went through a long dry spell after our third child. And I mean I can probably count on one hand how many times we did it in 5 years. We have just recently connected again sexually and found we argue a lot less and the household seems happier. So I would say it's quite important at this moment on time." ~ SWWIS
If you're in a sexless relationship, and it's bothering you... it's time to chat with your partner. There is enough here to understand the groundwork. Good luck.
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"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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